Show Notes
What would you do if, at just 12 years old, you had to face the harsh truth that you were entirely on your own? What choices would you make to take control of your life and shape your future? In this episode, you’ll hear the extraordinary story of Toktam Thomas, who confronted this reality head-on and made a life-changing decision that set her on a path of resilience, empowerment, and freedom!
HERE FOR THE LINKS?
- Connect with Toktam Thomas on Instagram @ToktamThomas
- Real AF Podcast with Andy Frisella
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In a world where many feel trapped by their circumstances, Toktam’s story is a powerful reminder that resilience and self-determination can lead to a brighter future. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a situation that seems impossible to escape, this episode offers hope, inspiration, and practical insights to help you find your own path forward.
What's It All About?
In today's riveting episode we dive deep into the life of Toktam Thomas, a woman who was born in Iran and endured a childhood filled with abuse, neglect, and the harsh realities of a life in constant upheaval. By the age of 12, Toktam faced an unimaginable truth—no one was coming to save her.
Determined not to be a victim of her circumstances, she fought to remove herself from a toxic home environment and eventually found solace in a children's home in Germany. This sanctuary provided her with the stability she needed to rebuild her life.
Toktam's journey from a traumatized child to a resilient, empowered woman is nothing short of remarkable. She’s a living testament to the power of grit, grace, and an unbreakable spirit.
Life-Changing Takeaways:
1. The Power of Self-Determination: Learn how Toktam took control of her life at a young age, showing that even in the darkest times, we can choose our path.
2. Finding Strength in Adversity: Discover how Toktam’s experiences of fleeing a war-torn country and surviving a tumultuous childhood shaped her into a resilient adult.
3. Creating a Life of Purpose: Understand how Toktam transitioned from surviving to thriving by aligning her actions with her deeper purpose, ultimately leading to a life of fulfillment and success.
Ready to be inspired by a story of incredible resilience and transformation? Press play now and join Toktam on her journey from darkness to light!
Hey, it's Kevin!
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Stay Awesome! Live Inspired!
© 2024 Grit, Grace, & Inspiration
Show Transcript
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I don't know if it's even possible for you to imagine being a 12-year-old child
00:00:05.857 --> 00:00:10.597
and having the realization that no one was coming to save you.
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Taktum Thomas, born in Iran and raised in a childhood full of abuse and neglect,
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she faced this very realization.
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And yet, she would make a courageous decision as just a child to take control
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of her life in pursuit of a better life.
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Today, you're going to hear the story of Tocqueville Thomas,
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a child turned into a woman who did not allow her circumstances to rob her of her chance to thrive.
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So if you're ready for a powerful story of resilience, of survival,
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and ultimately triumph, then my friend, you've come to the right place.
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I welcome you to episode 321.
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Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,
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they're just doors to better days.
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And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.
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Your host, Kevin Lowe. He's been flipping the script on his own life,
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turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight-up inspiration,
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motivation, and encouragement just for you.
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So, kick back, relax, and let me introduce you to your host, Kevin Lowe.
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What's up, my friend, and welcome back to the podcast.
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This is episode 321, my interview with Taktum Thomas.
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More importantly, I want you to realize that today's interview, it's a heartfelt story.
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It's an empowering story.
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And hopefully, it's going to be a source of inspiration, a motivation to you
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to never give up on life, even when it may feel like life is giving up on you.
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That's the mission of this podcast, and Taktum's life story is a beautiful example of this.
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So, my friend, I hope you enjoy.
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Here is today's amazing guest, Taktum Thomas.
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I was born in 81 in Iran, Persia, Tehran.
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And that was, you know, a couple of years, three years after the revolution.
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So the Shah had just left and we had dictatorship just come in.
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And my parents were just not very happy there. So leaving the country is not
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as easy as leaving normal countries.
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You have to have a reason or you have to get permit to leave your own country.
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So my mom decided, my parents decided they wanted to flee.
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They fled first my mom with the three kids when I was about three and a half.
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And my siblings are both older. she fled
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to go officially on vacation and she
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fled through Turkey to get to Germany and my dad stayed
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back so they wouldn't be very suspicious about what was happening we left all
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the papers everything behind but my mom had a little bit of cash and about six
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months later my dad came they left the house everything behind and started a
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new life in Germany that's how it started.
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Wow. And did you say how old were you when that happened?
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I was three and a half. My sister is three years older.
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My brother is six years older. So I'm the youngest.
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Yeah. So I was going to say, so they probably have much more memory of all of
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that than I'm sure that you do.
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Yes. I have barely any memory, but
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I remember a picture that I saw
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of us being in Turkey in the snow it
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was just you know that's where they fled through and
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I remember just getting being
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an immigrant going suddenly to a kindergarten
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which is like preschool here and not speaking the language there was a lot of
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fear because a fear of the unknown we didn't speak the language my mom didn't
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have a job it was just a new situation and I could feel the uncertainty certainty of my mom.
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Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I honestly, I can't even imagine.
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I can't even imagine as a mother, especially knowing that, I mean,
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you have your children to take care of and you're fleeing to not just a new
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neighborhood, a whole new country.
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Wow. Now, how long would you end up being in Germany?
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Until I was, I believe, about 29.
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And I didn't really plan on leaving the country. I was very happy from what I knew in Germany.
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And so I was studying, my undergrad is in business economics.
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I was studying and part of our journey was to do one to go for one exchange
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semester somewhere abroad just to pimp up your resume.
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And I originally applied to go to South Korea, got a scholarship,
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but the government, the North and the South had some trouble,
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so I ended up not going there.
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And the lottery system...
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Of the universities threw me into Southeast Missouri State University in Missouri.
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So I was not very excited about that, because I just wanted to explore a little more culture.
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And my thought of America was USA was always that it's not very challenging
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culturally, I thought it was very similar to what I was living in Germany.
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So I was seeking the challenge. But, you know, the universe just threw me into
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Missouri. And so I took it.
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Yeah. Wow. Well, we'll get back to that once Missouri wanted some questions on that.
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But going back on childhood,
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talk to me a little bit about your childhood, because I know things were obviously
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very challenging because you ended up leaving home when you were,
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I think, around 12 years old. Mm-hmm.
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Yeah. So it was challenging for my mom to be by herself.
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And this is all obviously very from my perspective.
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And my mom seemed relatively normal until I realized maybe she's a little more
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challenged than other parents. So she was very overwhelmed.
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I remember not having any money and being hungry.
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And my mom went to the grocery store and filled up the card and said,
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basically, I am just going to take this food because my kids are hungry.
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And that was the first time the officials got involved.
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And my mom did not know that there is a service where she could receive money
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at least to pay the bills and have some food. So that's how it started.
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We started basically at the bottom, not being at the bottom in Iran.
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My mom came from a family. They had some money.
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So starting from scratch and feeling the pain of being basically on the very
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bottom, having no money, no clothes, not living fancy, not speaking the language, not having work.
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That was some pain that we had to go through as a family, especially my mom.
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And then once my dad came, he brought a little bit more money.
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But my dad was always very physically abusive.
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So they tried again to live together in Germany, but decided after about six
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months or a year that they need to get divorced. And so they got divorced.
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My dad moved out. I remember as a child, the divorce, it was very ugly.
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So my parents did not get along and my mom was always talking bad about my dad.
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And it was challenging for us to know where to go, where to belong,
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what's right and what's wrong. In the end, we ended up with my mom.
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And my mom got together with a man who brought drugs and alcohol into our household.
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So by that time I was about four and a half, five.
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And so my mom was occupied with this man and entirely kind of forgot about raising her children.
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She was escaping into drugs and alcohol.
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It just felt, she finally felt a relief because she was, I think,
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just very challenged all of her life. And she found an escape.
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And I raised myself, I mean, from getting up in the morning, getting ready.
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If we had breakfast at home, eating breakfast, walking 10 minutes to the bus
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station, taking the bus, walking another 20 minutes to school,
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going to school, doing homework, coming back, so on and so forth.
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So I basically did everything by myself as long as I can remember,
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getting up in the morning.
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And then at some point she started working as a nurse.
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She learned the language and her papers got translated. So she started working
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as a nurse and then she was working night shifts as well.
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So I was barely seeing my mom.
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She was between work and intoxicated, basically.
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And so it was just not a good situation to live in.
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And I always kept everything to myself.
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I was raised to be very loyal and not say anything.
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So I didn't say ever anything. And I more and more distrusted my family.
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More and more, I saw that things were not going right.
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I started having different friends, started smoking, started trying to find
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some love and attention in a new friend circle.
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And I just basically disconnected from my family because I saw that they didn't
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have really what I wanted.
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My mom was not living the life I wanted. She was very toxic at home,
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constantly talking down onto us. There was barely food around.
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Nobody was really cooking.
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There was just everything was lacking. Love, food, attention,
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everything was lacking.
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She was just so in her own world and in her own pain. She was raised in trauma herself.
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She was trying to get some help from my dad.
00:10:38.874 --> 00:10:44.294
And my dad doesn't know any other language, but being very aggressive and physically
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abusive. So that was just pushing me even further out from the family.
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And at this point, I'm barely coming home, always sleeping somewhere,
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smoking, experimenting with drugs, and I'm not even 10.
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And the new friend circle that I had found, they gave me love and attention
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and they were much older than I was, somewhere between, I don't know,
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like four to six to 10 years older.
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And one day, I mean, they kind of introduced me.
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There were a lot of boys that introduced me to kissing and touching.
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And they were just boys that were at an age where sex was very interesting to them.
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And at some point, two of the boys, they were like two brothers, 16 and 17 years old.
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Took it a little bit further and basically took me into a restroom and assaulted me sexually.
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And that was, for me personally, the tipping point where just,
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it was like an out-of-body experience in which I realized for the second time
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in my life, and I can tell you about my first time, that nobody was coming to save me.
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Nothing was going to change unless I would take control.
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So from that point on, I just made a decision.
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And I thought logically to myself, my family cannot show me or give me anything that I desire.
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I'm walking down a path that doesn't feel right in my conscience.
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And that's where I decided I need to remove myself from my family and I was about age 10.
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This is all an approximate because it was also traumatic for me that I just
00:12:35.756 --> 00:12:38.636
don't really remember the age gaps.
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It's all more or less a guess.
00:12:42.156 --> 00:12:48.216
So it was around 10 when I decided I need to remove myself from this family
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and from my friend circle.
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And so So I did. And I fought. I went to the officials and I fought for about
00:12:56.636 --> 00:13:01.396
one and a half, almost two years to be removed from this household,
00:13:01.676 --> 00:13:04.616
which was really hard work for me.
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It was really me against the world.
00:13:07.296 --> 00:13:13.856
And I was still not talking about the drug abuse of my mom at home or the alcohol.
00:13:13.856 --> 00:13:16.816
Hall and I was not talking about the sexual assault.
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I wasn't talking about anything. I just said, I need to be removed out of this household.
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And so they put me after one and a half years into a facility,
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which was a transitioning facility to figure out what's going on,
00:13:30.776 --> 00:13:37.436
where parents get invited to, and a therapist tried to mitigate basically and
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find out what's going on.
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So after about six weeks in there, six to eight weeks in that facility,
00:13:45.756 --> 00:13:52.396
they decided that I would have to go back home because they wouldn't know what was going on.
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And there was not enough evidence that the household was not good for me.
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And that was not an option for me.
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I had made my mind up. I'm not going to live back home. And this was the only opportunity I saw.
00:14:08.836 --> 00:14:16.576
And now it was not working out the way I wanted. So I chose to take my own life.
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And I swallowed, I don't even know, 40, 50, 60 pills.
00:14:23.676 --> 00:14:24.236
And...
00:14:25.228 --> 00:14:29.788
Next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital and they were pumping out my stomach.
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And this was before age 12.
00:14:32.768 --> 00:14:40.908
And there was this one lady at the hospital that finally in my 12 years said,
00:14:41.008 --> 00:14:45.808
I don't care what she's saying, what's going on.
00:14:46.428 --> 00:14:52.008
Obviously, there is something going on. A 12-year-old, a 10-year-old doesn't
00:14:52.008 --> 00:14:56.068
want to move out of her household and a 12-year-old doesn't want to take her
00:14:56.068 --> 00:14:57.548
life if there's nothing going on.
00:14:57.708 --> 00:15:01.688
So she's going to be removed and we're going to ask her where she wants to live
00:15:01.688 --> 00:15:02.948
and that's where she's going to live.
00:15:03.268 --> 00:15:09.668
And there was this one home, children's home that I was very drawn to. It was in the woods.
00:15:09.768 --> 00:15:13.408
They had multiple homes. So that's what I chose and that's where I went.
00:15:14.188 --> 00:15:18.208
Wow. Yeah. As you tell this story today,
00:15:18.348 --> 00:15:28.768
especially now as a mother, do you find it is remarkable as I do that at such
00:15:28.768 --> 00:15:31.228
a young age as 10 years old,
00:15:31.368 --> 00:15:41.328
that you would have the mindset to even realize like that I have to get out
00:15:41.328 --> 00:15:44.968
of here and to find a way into to go through this.
00:15:44.988 --> 00:15:48.488
This then year and a half long process to get out.
00:15:49.108 --> 00:15:51.888
Like, do you find that as remarkable as I do?
00:15:52.008 --> 00:15:58.248
You know, I didn't until people told me I really didn't.
00:15:58.288 --> 00:16:02.848
I followed entirely my intuition.
00:16:03.668 --> 00:16:05.868
There was a force there.
00:16:06.585 --> 00:16:10.545
That just always had my back. Wow. Wow.
00:16:11.105 --> 00:16:14.805
What was that year and a half like?
00:16:14.985 --> 00:16:20.225
Because, I mean, I would assume your mother knew during that whole time?
00:16:20.685 --> 00:16:25.845
Yeah. She knew. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare because I was not having
00:16:25.845 --> 00:16:30.245
a home to go back to because now they knew I wanted to move out.
00:16:30.245 --> 00:16:37.505
I was between staying sometimes at home, trying to stay with friends,
00:16:37.685 --> 00:16:40.225
which their parents were not very excited about having me.
00:16:40.265 --> 00:16:43.425
They didn't want to interfere with the situation.
00:16:43.625 --> 00:16:46.845
They didn't know what was going on and they respected my mother.
00:16:47.265 --> 00:16:51.945
So if I could sleep a night or two here and there, that's what I did.
00:16:52.045 --> 00:16:55.785
Sometimes I was just on the streets for a whole night.
00:16:55.945 --> 00:16:59.905
It was just a very toxic situation at home that I didn't want to stay in.
00:16:59.905 --> 00:17:05.325
And every time I went home, my mom was basically coming down on me with all
00:17:05.325 --> 00:17:08.165
the cuss words that you can think of.
00:17:08.345 --> 00:17:13.425
And then she called my dad. I was terrified of my dad because he was just physically
00:17:13.425 --> 00:17:16.585
so abusive. Sometimes he was home and they were waiting for me.
00:17:16.945 --> 00:17:22.105
Sometimes my sister tried to lock the doors so I couldn't leave the house again
00:17:22.105 --> 00:17:25.145
because they wouldn't know for how many days I would be gone.
00:17:25.145 --> 00:17:29.265
It was a nightmare it was a nightmare wow.
00:17:32.245 --> 00:17:35.685
Picking back up where you stopped at,
00:17:36.374 --> 00:17:42.494
Talking about the home, the children's home out in the woods. Talk to me about that.
00:17:42.834 --> 00:17:51.374
So it was a facility with, I think, like six, seven, eight big homes in the woods.
00:17:51.514 --> 00:17:54.174
And they were divided up by age group.
00:17:54.874 --> 00:18:00.794
So when I entered that, I went into the group for teenagers that will,
00:18:00.994 --> 00:18:06.014
you know, eventually be released into their own apartment and to live on their own.
00:18:06.374 --> 00:18:12.214
And I learned many, many lessons there. So when I entered, I was very relieved
00:18:12.214 --> 00:18:14.234
because I had a safe place.
00:18:14.534 --> 00:18:19.114
Nobody was talking down on me. It wasn't toxic. There was always food.
00:18:19.214 --> 00:18:21.674
There was money for clothes, for the hair cutter.
00:18:22.014 --> 00:18:27.314
There was support when I needed help with homework. work, we decided to put
00:18:27.314 --> 00:18:34.354
me into a school that was, I was before at a very elite high level push, push, push school.
00:18:34.574 --> 00:18:40.894
So they put me into a school that was a little more relaxed to calm down my
00:18:40.894 --> 00:18:45.814
nerves and to just see what's going on with me first.
00:18:46.514 --> 00:18:50.994
And so they took good care of me. And you have your own room within a house.
00:18:50.994 --> 00:18:54.014
And there was a kitchen since it was the teenagers group.
00:18:54.554 --> 00:18:59.074
Each of us had to cook once a week for the whole group. And we were about,
00:18:59.094 --> 00:19:01.034
I don't know, eight to 10 kids.
00:19:01.554 --> 00:19:05.834
And it was a good place to be. It was just very peaceful for me.
00:19:05.894 --> 00:19:09.254
For the first time, I just didn't, wasn't terrorized at home.
00:19:09.943 --> 00:19:16.823
And was able to just come home and have an all I wanted was a normal life. That's all I wanted.
00:19:17.083 --> 00:19:26.263
So I loved it there. And so within those four years, I evolved very quickly into a little adult.
00:19:26.343 --> 00:19:33.323
And really what that place also taught me, it doesn't matter how bad you think you have it.
00:19:33.323 --> 00:19:38.523
But I just saw left and right kids that had it worse than me.
00:19:38.523 --> 00:19:44.763
Way, way, way, way, way, way worse to a point it was almost unbearable what
00:19:44.763 --> 00:19:51.643
is happening in people's homes that I felt like I needed to leave to make room for somebody else.
00:19:51.743 --> 00:19:58.023
It was just heartbreaking to see what especially families are capable of doing.
00:19:58.023 --> 00:20:05.583
So I felt in my situation very lucky and was very thankful for my situation
00:20:05.583 --> 00:20:07.723
in any way you can think of.
00:20:07.763 --> 00:20:10.123
So being in that home, I felt very thankful.
00:20:10.183 --> 00:20:17.883
And then seeing that my situation was compared to other people's situations, just a walk in the park.
00:20:17.983 --> 00:20:21.383
So I felt all the way through gratitude.
00:20:21.383 --> 00:20:27.923
Attitude and when I went in there I made my mind up that I'm not going to be
00:20:27.923 --> 00:20:34.603
that child that goes into a children's home ending with making the exact same
00:20:34.603 --> 00:20:37.163
mistakes as her parents did.
00:20:37.323 --> 00:20:44.383
I made my mind up so I was putting in extra work to have extra good grades to
00:20:44.383 --> 00:20:45.723
go back to an elite school.
00:20:45.923 --> 00:20:48.803
And at age 16 they said
00:20:48.803 --> 00:20:51.783
you if you want you can move into your
00:20:51.783 --> 00:20:54.883
own apartment and we're going to assist you like we're
00:20:54.883 --> 00:21:00.483
just going to be here for you if you need help until you're 18 but you're going
00:21:00.483 --> 00:21:03.623
to pay your own bills you're going to work you're going to just take care of
00:21:03.623 --> 00:21:09.123
business yourself but if you need anything we are here and so I moved out by
00:21:09.123 --> 00:21:11.783
age 16 into my first own apartment.
00:21:12.023 --> 00:21:18.183
And I went to school and I worked on the side. I had nanny jobs and just made it work.
00:21:18.343 --> 00:21:21.083
I worked, I don't know, 20 hours a day.
00:21:21.283 --> 00:21:26.103
I don't know, school, homework, work, nanny jobs, whatever it took.
00:21:26.303 --> 00:21:35.663
And I again felt like the luckiest and happiest person on the planet because I finally had freedom.
00:21:35.823 --> 00:21:40.903
I had the choice to do what I wanted and wasn't constantly mirrored back,
00:21:41.829 --> 00:21:48.809
What a loser I am. Wow. You said that you had a job as a nanny.
00:21:49.049 --> 00:21:52.549
Was that like babysitting young children?
00:21:53.529 --> 00:21:59.989
So I had a school. I went to school for social work and part of the school was
00:21:59.989 --> 00:22:08.249
going to work like a, do you call it parentheses or like to work at a kindergarten on the side as well.
00:22:08.249 --> 00:22:11.829
So I was going to school and then I was working at a kindergarten,
00:22:12.009 --> 00:22:13.829
which is here like a preschool.
00:22:14.389 --> 00:22:20.889
And during that, I got approached by a family or by a woman who was self-employed
00:22:20.889 --> 00:22:23.809
and had twins and the twins were going to that school and she said,
00:22:23.909 --> 00:22:26.449
Hey, can you help me out? And I said, sure.
00:22:26.609 --> 00:22:34.929
And it ended up being, you know, every almost every day after working there
00:22:34.929 --> 00:22:38.049
until about eight, nine, 10 o'clock.
00:22:38.169 --> 00:22:40.209
And then I added, she had a friend.
00:22:40.389 --> 00:22:46.829
So I added another family to that. that the first family, they were twins.
00:22:46.909 --> 00:22:50.029
The girls, when I started with them, they were three years old.
00:22:50.309 --> 00:22:56.049
And the second family, they had three kids, which I did more on the weekends for them.
00:22:56.189 --> 00:23:02.289
It was more like if they wanted to go out and they had three kids from baby
00:23:02.289 --> 00:23:06.849
to I think it was like six or so. Wow.
00:23:07.429 --> 00:23:13.109
So I'm going to make another kind of thought here in my own mind.
00:23:13.409 --> 00:23:20.049
Again, looking at the person you were of kind of just, again,
00:23:20.129 --> 00:23:23.809
how profound it is coming from.
00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:36.149
The home life that you had, where you really had no experience of having the parent, having that
00:23:36.229 --> 00:23:39.949
love and the fact that now, even at this young age,
00:23:40.209 --> 00:23:46.309
you, though, were babysitting and taking care of children.
00:23:46.429 --> 00:23:48.469
I find that really fascinating.
00:23:48.789 --> 00:23:55.229
It is. I was very drawn to giving something that I didn't have.
00:23:55.429 --> 00:24:04.969
And like psychology and generally speaking, sociology, all the intangible things
00:24:04.969 --> 00:24:07.549
were always interesting to me.
00:24:07.609 --> 00:24:10.349
And I thought I would like to do that and take care,
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:16.060
of other kids or adults in some way mentally and help people.
00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:17.800
But I was always drawn to that.
00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:22.880
But it all played out. This was not a plan.
00:24:23.100 --> 00:24:27.480
It all played out. You know, opportunities create opportunities.
00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:34.600
So every time I took a step, it seemed like the universe was just there for me.
00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:39.420
So I didn't plan ever on babysitting. It all just happened this way.
00:24:39.420 --> 00:24:47.300
And then they were all paying me very well because I was now basically a nanny for two families.
00:24:47.760 --> 00:24:52.960
And so everything was working out for me the whole way.
00:24:53.100 --> 00:24:57.800
And I'm convinced it's because I was just so full of gratitude,
00:24:57.980 --> 00:25:02.900
although it was hard. And there were times where I had 20 bucks for two weeks to eat.
00:25:03.080 --> 00:25:11.460
But I was just so relieved to have a normal life and not be in this emotional pain constantly.
00:25:12.580 --> 00:25:21.540
Yeah, absolutely. Now, what happens in the system that was there with you,
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:24.440
the children's system? What happened when you turned 18?
00:25:25.060 --> 00:25:30.520
They were just not basically responsible for me anymore. But by that time, I didn't need them.
00:25:30.560 --> 00:25:34.340
So in the beginning, they help you find an apartment, they co-sign,
00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:40.940
they help you with furniture picking, and just everything like,
00:25:41.060 --> 00:25:44.020
do you know how to cook? Are you sure? Do you know the paperwork?
00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:48.200
All the bureaucracy that comes with it.
00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:51.620
And in the beginning they just are
00:25:51.620 --> 00:25:54.960
very connected to you up to for me
00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.080
it was two years up to when they say basically
00:25:58.080 --> 00:26:02.960
you're you're ready to run on your own i think in the end maybe i had a phone
00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:08.460
call every six months or so there was somebody i could call who was responsible
00:26:08.460 --> 00:26:15.020
for me but i just didn't need them anymore because I was just running the show myself. Yeah.
00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:22.960
Wow. Wow. Wow. You, again, I just, I just think to myself of,
00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:29.020
again, how remarkable you were as just a child being forced to grow up so quickly.
00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:33.240
The idea of at 16, basically being on your own.
00:26:33.940 --> 00:26:38.260
Talk to me a little bit about school, education.
00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:45.760
Where did you go after high school into college? What direction did you end up taking?
00:26:46.320 --> 00:26:50.840
Well, Germany is a little bit different than here. Here, it seems like you just
00:26:50.840 --> 00:26:52.980
go to college and then you figure it out.
00:26:54.320 --> 00:26:58.000
Or you don't go to college and then you're basically doomed.
00:26:58.997 --> 00:27:04.577
To do like a $8 an hour job, it seems like here. So in Germany,
00:27:04.657 --> 00:27:05.917
there are many, many more options.
00:27:06.417 --> 00:27:10.377
If you say, I don't want to go to college, which is not really,
00:27:10.477 --> 00:27:16.477
not everybody, you just go and work at a place like, is that, what do you call it?
00:27:16.697 --> 00:27:20.417
When you basically go to school and learn on the job as well.
00:27:21.577 --> 00:27:24.937
Okay, yes. So we have a million jobs like that.
00:27:24.957 --> 00:27:30.137
All the jobs at the bank, at the bakery, at the whatever you can think of,
00:27:30.357 --> 00:27:35.117
where you actually work and are not sitting in the office, but even in the office
00:27:35.117 --> 00:27:40.937
account or so you go to school, learn the paperwork about accounting,
00:27:41.297 --> 00:27:48.177
and then you go simultaneously, basically, and go and work on the job as well.
00:27:48.497 --> 00:27:52.237
So there are a million jobs like that, you decide what you want to do,
00:27:52.297 --> 00:28:00.197
and then you go and apply and they send you to work there as well as go to school
00:28:00.197 --> 00:28:01.717
on the side to learn the background.
00:28:01.957 --> 00:28:07.657
So if you want to be, I don't know, a chef, you just go and apply at a restaurant.
00:28:07.837 --> 00:28:12.877
And when they hire you, they can put you into the chef school.
00:28:13.377 --> 00:28:17.357
And you learn the background of how to run a business and a restaurant.
00:28:17.477 --> 00:28:20.617
And then you go also learn on the job how to cook.
00:28:21.117 --> 00:28:27.797
So that's what I did. First, I went and worked just at a store to make some money for clothes.
00:28:28.037 --> 00:28:34.597
It was a Zara. And as I worked there, they offered me a job to open worldwide.
00:28:35.397 --> 00:28:39.637
They were at that point, they were expanding. And so they offered if I wanted
00:28:39.637 --> 00:28:41.997
to travel with them and open stores worldwide.
00:28:42.257 --> 00:28:47.177
But they were paying extremely bad. And I was working 14, 16 hours a day.
00:28:47.673 --> 00:28:53.833
So I didn't want to do that. Then I moved on to becoming a waitress and I made
00:28:53.833 --> 00:28:55.053
really, really good money.
00:28:55.453 --> 00:28:59.493
And I got stuck there for a little bit. But as I was working there,
00:28:59.713 --> 00:29:03.713
there was a huge bank, like a chain right there.
00:29:03.833 --> 00:29:06.473
And the people were always coming for lunch.
00:29:06.633 --> 00:29:11.913
And the director recruited me and said, I would really love for you to work with us.
00:29:11.993 --> 00:29:15.953
So I went and did that and learned on the job. And, you know,
00:29:16.033 --> 00:29:20.613
in Germany, then you learn how to work on the basically stock market.
00:29:20.693 --> 00:29:23.133
You learn all the backgrounds, all the numbers, everything.
00:29:23.373 --> 00:29:29.093
And it's a very good and safe job. It's not like here that you just know that
00:29:29.093 --> 00:29:32.333
you're just a bank teller. I went through school for three years and learned
00:29:32.333 --> 00:29:37.153
everything about money and how it works, how money works.
00:29:37.433 --> 00:29:41.853
And then I worked at the bank and they too wanted to keep me.
00:29:41.853 --> 00:29:47.913
But I always, always, always felt as if the amount of money I always thought,
00:29:48.033 --> 00:29:52.813
the amount of money people are paying for jobs, it feels like a prison.
00:29:53.113 --> 00:29:57.033
You work Monday through Friday, eight hours a day, and then you have two,
00:29:57.213 --> 00:29:58.813
three hours to yourself.
00:29:58.973 --> 00:30:02.913
And then you don't even have plenty of money to spend those two,
00:30:02.973 --> 00:30:04.673
three hours the way you wish to.
00:30:04.913 --> 00:30:09.233
So it all didn't make sense to me. And the restaurant I used to work,
00:30:09.313 --> 00:30:11.553
they asked me if I want to become a manager there.
00:30:11.853 --> 00:30:13.753
And offered me much, much more money.
00:30:14.093 --> 00:30:19.333
And so I did that for a while until I got bored for, I don't know,
00:30:19.373 --> 00:30:20.873
I did it for two, three, four years.
00:30:20.973 --> 00:30:26.993
By now I'm mid and twenties and I was just making good money.
00:30:27.093 --> 00:30:30.533
And, but there was no progress. There was nowhere to go from there.
00:30:30.833 --> 00:30:37.653
And so I decided to start studying and going to college and it's free in Germany,
00:30:37.733 --> 00:30:39.953
but it's freaking hard. You have to apply.
00:30:40.293 --> 00:30:43.893
And it's basically you come to school, you get your books.
00:30:43.973 --> 00:30:49.453
If you want to come, you come. If you don't, you don't. At the end of the year, there are six exams.
00:30:50.133 --> 00:30:55.353
And if you fail one of them more than three times, you cannot study the subject
00:30:55.353 --> 00:30:56.913
in the whole country anymore.
00:30:57.413 --> 00:31:01.433
If you just want to show up to the exam, that's fine too. It's not like here
00:31:01.433 --> 00:31:04.773
it's homework. You're an adult, you come or go, nobody cares.
00:31:04.973 --> 00:31:07.993
You have to take the exam at the end of the semester.
00:31:08.453 --> 00:31:12.413
And it's It's just freaking, it's really hard. We started, I don't know,
00:31:12.473 --> 00:31:18.913
with how many hundreds of people, let's say 800, 1,000. And I think...
00:31:19.559 --> 00:31:27.819
It was six semesters, and I was one of maybe 80 or so who finished it within those six semesters.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:35.259
Everybody else either dropped out or never finished, or it took them like years and years.
00:31:36.139 --> 00:31:39.219
So that was hard for me because I didn't have the education,
00:31:39.379 --> 00:31:44.959
and I had to really work my ass off to make that work. So then during that,
00:31:45.099 --> 00:31:49.539
I decided to come across here to the U.S.
00:31:49.619 --> 00:31:56.519
For one exchange semester to improve my English and to just have a better resume.
00:31:56.739 --> 00:32:01.159
And that's what I did. And then I met my husband who didn't go to the university,
00:32:01.239 --> 00:32:04.599
but he lived in that little town who is now my ex-husband.
00:32:04.699 --> 00:32:07.879
But I met my husband and I liked him.
00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:12.099
And so I spent another semester here. Then I went home, wrote my thesis.
00:32:12.819 --> 00:32:17.399
And then I applied for my master's degree at that same university, got a scholarship.
00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:22.579
And I started and I finished business management at that school,
00:32:22.779 --> 00:32:24.759
a master in business management.
00:32:24.879 --> 00:32:29.819
So after those two years, I still liked my husband. We got married.
00:32:30.259 --> 00:32:34.739
We had one child in Missouri, and I didn't like it in Missouri at all.
00:32:34.919 --> 00:32:36.979
And so I said, let's move.
00:32:37.219 --> 00:32:43.479
And he had an aunt and a sister here in Nashville. And so we moved here and had another child.
00:32:43.699 --> 00:32:48.699
And things were just not feeling right for me, to me.
00:32:48.939 --> 00:32:56.319
And in mid-October 2022, I turned my life upside down, basically.
00:32:56.519 --> 00:33:03.339
And ever since, life is good. But, you know, I separated from my husband and
00:33:03.339 --> 00:33:09.599
we still are co-parenting and we still right now living together about to separate physically.
00:33:10.395 --> 00:33:18.015
But since October 2022, mid-October, life feels good again, powerful.
00:33:18.355 --> 00:33:26.595
And I feel like the time when I was a child and just trusted more my gut and less society rules.
00:33:28.055 --> 00:33:34.015
Wow. What a crazy journey you've been on. Yes.
00:33:34.835 --> 00:33:45.155
I mean, that is, it's just remarkable. I find myself so just in awe at you.
00:33:45.335 --> 00:33:50.755
And I had to say, when you're talking about college and you were talking about
00:33:50.755 --> 00:33:57.095
how hard it was and the fact that you were only one of a few students compared
00:33:57.095 --> 00:33:58.235
to the number who started.
00:33:58.235 --> 00:34:05.175
I couldn't help but think to myself, though, for myself and the people listening
00:34:05.175 --> 00:34:09.615
is we're like, well, duh, didn't we just listen to who this woman is?
00:34:09.695 --> 00:34:11.315
Like, of course she finished.
00:34:12.715 --> 00:34:15.855
Yes, yes, that's exactly who I am.
00:34:16.015 --> 00:34:21.855
And that's unfortunately who I buried for a very long time because I thought
00:34:21.855 --> 00:34:24.475
I have to bend to the rules of society.
00:34:25.155 --> 00:34:31.575
And I just recently stepped into that role again and said no more of that I
00:34:31.575 --> 00:34:33.095
just cannot shrink myself.
00:34:34.098 --> 00:34:39.398
To fit into somebody's narrative and I keep shining. Yeah.
00:34:39.938 --> 00:34:42.878
Well, well, good for you. Good for you.
00:34:43.038 --> 00:34:48.758
Besides for personal changes with, you know, marriage and everything.
00:34:48.858 --> 00:34:50.418
What about professionally?
00:34:51.198 --> 00:34:54.458
Yes. So I was a stay home mom until last October.
00:34:54.618 --> 00:35:00.418
Basically I was drinking my glass of wine at night and I was out of shape.
00:35:00.418 --> 00:35:05.958
I was depressed, running Groundhog Day, and I couldn't figure out why.
00:35:06.318 --> 00:35:09.318
Every day looked the same. I was taking care of the kids.
00:35:09.378 --> 00:35:15.018
I was on the outside living a life that you would think was acceptable or good.
00:35:15.418 --> 00:35:19.078
We are living in a good neighborhood. We live in a house, wide picket fence,
00:35:19.318 --> 00:35:22.258
a girl and a boy, a stay-at-home mom.
00:35:22.858 --> 00:35:27.718
Husband is bringing in enough money. Kids go to private school.
00:35:27.718 --> 00:35:30.598
Who, you know, on the outside, there was nothing wrong with it.
00:35:30.618 --> 00:35:36.698
But on the inside, I was entirely crumbled and broken because I entirely disconnected
00:35:36.698 --> 00:35:43.878
from my conscience and entirely disconnected from my purpose and was crippled emotionally.
00:35:44.178 --> 00:35:51.378
I was, again, in very much pain. And it came down to that I,
00:35:51.458 --> 00:35:53.498
at some point, one night...
00:35:53.498 --> 00:36:00.698
So I was the typical mom who was drinking her glass of wine at night to relax.
00:36:01.118 --> 00:36:02.858
That's what we call it, right?
00:36:03.538 --> 00:36:09.538
To relax or to just, you know, or some people just have a little bit of,
00:36:09.558 --> 00:36:13.018
you know, they smoke, they joined or whatever, just to relax,
00:36:13.198 --> 00:36:17.658
relax a little bit on the weekends with extra food and so on and so forth.
00:36:17.758 --> 00:36:23.098
And so I just felt as if something is not right. This cannot be it.
00:36:23.498 --> 00:36:28.458
And I was always going back and forth, not drinking for a while.
00:36:28.658 --> 00:36:33.718
I wasn't the typical alcoholic that woke up in the morning and needed to drink.
00:36:34.118 --> 00:36:38.218
But I knew that alcohol was just part of my identity.
00:36:38.358 --> 00:36:42.818
I was drinking the fanciest wines, fanciest bourbon, fanciest scotch.
00:36:43.118 --> 00:36:46.958
I was the host always who had the best foods and drinks.
00:36:47.058 --> 00:36:51.058
All family and friends always came to my house. My door was always open.
00:36:51.058 --> 00:36:54.758
And I just still I
00:36:54.758 --> 00:36:57.858
felt as if I couldn't identify with
00:36:57.858 --> 00:37:03.498
that person something was not right and I remember vividly after I didn't drink
00:37:03.498 --> 00:37:08.718
for a while I picked up a glass of wine one night and I told Ryan I said and
00:37:08.718 --> 00:37:15.318
here I am again having my glass of wine and I said why why is that playing such a big role in my life.
00:37:15.418 --> 00:37:20.398
And I said, I'm just, life doesn't feel right. And I said.
00:37:21.243 --> 00:37:25.883
If it wouldn't be for my children, I don't feel like this life would be worth living.
00:37:26.323 --> 00:37:30.823
And so as this entered my mouth, I realized what I just said.
00:37:31.003 --> 00:37:34.243
And so I was sad. Ryan went to bed.
00:37:34.603 --> 00:37:39.423
And that night, I'm not religious. I went down onto my knees and I said,
00:37:39.523 --> 00:37:41.783
I don't know what's happening.
00:37:41.923 --> 00:37:44.323
I don't know how, but I need help.
00:37:44.503 --> 00:37:48.623
I basically, I just begged for help.
00:37:48.623 --> 00:37:51.723
And so the next
00:37:51.723 --> 00:37:54.783
morning I'm sorry it makes me very emotional
00:37:54.783 --> 00:37:58.063
because no you're okay you take
00:37:58.063 --> 00:38:05.663
your time the next morning I listened to a podcast Andy Prezella and there was
00:38:05.663 --> 00:38:13.643
this man on the podcast who was talking about conscience and it upsets me because
00:38:13.643 --> 00:38:16.083
him and I had a little fallout yesterday today.
00:38:16.343 --> 00:38:19.163
And he's like my brother.
00:38:19.283 --> 00:38:25.583
So this man was on the podcast and he was talking about conscience and he was
00:38:25.583 --> 00:38:27.763
talking about being a role model to children.
00:38:27.943 --> 00:38:36.363
How can you live a life that you do not wish for your children and how kids emulate and not listen.
00:38:36.723 --> 00:38:41.423
And he was basically saying out loud the things that I knew were right.
00:38:41.883 --> 00:38:51.323
And from there on, I looked him up, I set up with him and my life has changed by 180 degrees.
00:38:51.483 --> 00:38:56.543
I just became this other woman. I stepped into my power, physically.
00:38:57.083 --> 00:39:02.063
Mentally, and run a business, a life coaching business,
00:39:02.243 --> 00:39:07.083
and basically created the the woman that I needed in my life,
00:39:07.183 --> 00:39:14.163
the mother that I needed, the woman that I needed later, and help other men
00:39:14.163 --> 00:39:16.323
and women do exactly the same,
00:39:16.443 --> 00:39:23.403
just giving them the freedom of authenticity and confidence in life and removing
00:39:23.403 --> 00:39:26.343
radically the biases out of their lives.
00:39:26.503 --> 00:39:32.923
Because that's a big, big burden that people are just not aware of.
00:39:32.963 --> 00:39:36.163
If it's food, if it's drugs, If it's alcohol, if it's porn,
00:39:36.323 --> 00:39:39.723
if it's whatever is calling you, whatever you cannot let go,
00:39:39.883 --> 00:39:47.223
the little voice that's telling you to sleep in, that little voice is just making
00:39:47.223 --> 00:39:50.243
you every day habitually weak.
00:39:51.185 --> 00:39:57.245
And you can use the same force and the same energy to habitually create everything you want in your life.
00:39:57.385 --> 00:40:00.565
And I'm just living proof because I went from this overweight.
00:40:00.965 --> 00:40:09.925
Depressed mother of two who had no income to now one and a half or 20 months
00:40:09.925 --> 00:40:14.345
later being in extremely good shape,
00:40:14.505 --> 00:40:17.105
like outstanding shape mentally.
00:40:17.445 --> 00:40:19.425
Physically and financially.
00:40:19.425 --> 00:40:28.365
I surpassed many, many people doing this for only 20 months because I just live by the universal laws.
00:40:28.645 --> 00:40:34.665
I just go with the flow of life and I go with integrity and do the things that
00:40:34.665 --> 00:40:39.065
need to get done regardless of how I feel about it.
00:40:39.065 --> 00:40:45.385
Because I just choose to create this woman who can serve over this woman who
00:40:45.385 --> 00:40:52.645
was just thinking about herself and her little boo-boos and her little needs and numbing her pain.
00:40:52.765 --> 00:40:59.545
So now I live outwardly everything I go through in life and show people that
00:40:59.545 --> 00:41:05.865
life is not about being happy all the time because if you're chasing happiness, you're just chasing.
00:41:05.865 --> 00:41:09.545
There's a lack that you will never be able to fill.
00:41:09.665 --> 00:41:14.705
You will be always chasing drugs, alcohol, women, porn, whatever it is.
00:41:14.845 --> 00:41:21.045
But if you actually solidify and make yourself proud every day and live with
00:41:21.045 --> 00:41:25.725
confidence and respect for yourself every day by doing the things that need
00:41:25.725 --> 00:41:28.105
to get done, regardless of how hard they are,
00:41:28.225 --> 00:41:32.805
you just wake up differently and are excited about life because you're creating
00:41:32.805 --> 00:41:34.565
and you experience growth.
00:41:35.285 --> 00:41:40.625
So that's what I live every day. And that's what I teach. And it works 100% of the time.
00:41:40.865 --> 00:41:52.365
Yeah. I just want to take a moment to say thank you for being so real and open today.
00:41:52.745 --> 00:41:59.485
I truly believe that podcasting, what I love about it is it's an opportunity
00:41:59.485 --> 00:42:07.185
for us to be in somebody's life, possibly right now, somebody on the other side of the world from us.
00:42:07.625 --> 00:42:11.785
Maybe it's a woman who's 10 steps behind you.
00:42:12.145 --> 00:42:15.265
And maybe she just needed to hear exactly what you said.
00:42:15.625 --> 00:42:22.305
And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your willingness to share that.
00:42:22.545 --> 00:42:25.405
You're so welcome. This is all I want.
00:42:25.665 --> 00:42:31.585
All I want that I was once that woman and somebody did it for me.
00:42:31.585 --> 00:42:35.405
And I truly feel as if I owe. So...
00:42:36.197 --> 00:42:47.437
Yeah. Well, my next question is for the person who would love to learn more about working with you,
00:42:47.497 --> 00:42:54.597
would love to find ways to be connected with you and plugged into your world, where can we send them?
00:42:54.757 --> 00:42:57.837
The safest way is on Instagram.
00:42:58.197 --> 00:43:02.037
Talk Tom, T-O-K-T-A-M, Thomas.
00:43:02.617 --> 00:43:11.637
And I pop up and I live on Instagram 24 seven, creating content, documenting my life.
00:43:11.777 --> 00:43:19.437
You can watch me elevate and you can reach me there. You DM me and it's very easy.
00:43:19.577 --> 00:43:24.837
I'm right there with my clients, with my people all day, every day.
00:43:24.897 --> 00:43:30.437
I go first, I do everything first and you just follow my lead and you will experience
00:43:30.437 --> 00:43:32.777
it yourself. I do have two programs.
00:43:33.737 --> 00:43:37.797
Number one is we need to get you in shape first, physically and mentally.
00:43:38.017 --> 00:43:43.937
And number two is then the elite program where we work very tightly together, one-on-one.
00:43:44.377 --> 00:43:47.737
Yeah, amazing. Well, talk to me.
00:43:47.797 --> 00:43:52.557
I will be sure that all of that is in the show notes for anybody interested,
00:43:53.317 --> 00:43:55.877
who needs an easy access, a link.
00:43:55.997 --> 00:43:58.217
I'll be positive that all of that is there.
00:43:58.497 --> 00:44:01.657
I want to end today with just one final question.
00:44:02.657 --> 00:44:08.217
And looking at all that you've been through, now you're a mother.
00:44:09.226 --> 00:44:16.206
What do you hope that you can instill in your children to as they continue on with life?
00:44:16.386 --> 00:44:21.266
What do you hope that they when they're looking back, what do you hope that
00:44:21.266 --> 00:44:25.166
that they, you know, know that you instilled in them?
00:44:25.526 --> 00:44:33.946
I want my children to understand that the outside world is a reflection of their
00:44:33.946 --> 00:44:38.446
internal state so that we can create the world that we live in.
00:44:38.446 --> 00:44:44.566
And I not only preach that every day, I live that right in front of them.
00:44:45.226 --> 00:44:49.186
So I live what I teach every day.
00:44:49.326 --> 00:44:55.006
And that's what I want them to know. You can create the world that you live
00:44:55.006 --> 00:44:57.526
in literally. Yeah, beautiful.
00:44:58.046 --> 00:45:05.806
Takhtam, thank you so much. You have been one of the most amazing people I've
00:45:05.806 --> 00:45:08.906
had the opportunity to meet and to speak with and to hear your story.
00:45:09.086 --> 00:45:12.906
It means the world to me to have you here today. Thank you very much.
00:45:13.386 --> 00:45:21.826
Yeah, absolutely. For you listening, my hope is that you're touched as much as I am,
00:45:21.906 --> 00:45:29.406
that you're smiling, like that your heart is warm and that you just want a little
00:45:29.406 --> 00:45:31.146
bit more of this woman in your life.
00:45:31.386 --> 00:45:36.546
So you be sure to check out the show notes where I've left links to Instagram
00:45:36.546 --> 00:45:39.186
in all the places that she mentioned.
00:45:39.526 --> 00:45:43.286
Let's show this lady some love. Get on the Instagram and start following her today.
00:45:43.906 --> 00:45:48.246
My name is Kevin Lowe. This, of course, is Great Grace and Inspiration.
00:45:48.546 --> 00:45:50.646
You get out there and enjoy the day.
00:45:51.120 --> 00:46:09.666
Music.
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