Show Transcript

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I don't know if it's even possible for you to imagine being a 12-year-old child

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and having the realization that no one was coming to save you.

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Taktum Thomas, born in Iran and raised in a childhood full of abuse and neglect,

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she faced this very realization.

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And yet, she would make a courageous decision as just a child to take control

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of her life in pursuit of a better life.

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Today, you're going to hear the story of Tocqueville Thomas,

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a child turned into a woman who did not allow her circumstances to rob her of her chance to thrive.

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So if you're ready for a powerful story of resilience, of survival,

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and ultimately triumph, then my friend, you've come to the right place.

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I welcome you to episode 321.

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Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,

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they're just doors to better days.

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And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

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Your host, Kevin Lowe. He's been flipping the script on his own life,

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turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight-up inspiration,

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motivation, and encouragement just for you.

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So, kick back, relax, and let me introduce you to your host, Kevin Lowe.

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What's up, my friend, and welcome back to the podcast.

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This is episode 321, my interview with Taktum Thomas.

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More importantly, I want you to realize that today's interview, it's a heartfelt story.

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It's an empowering story.

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And hopefully, it's going to be a source of inspiration, a motivation to you

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to never give up on life, even when it may feel like life is giving up on you.

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That's the mission of this podcast, and Taktum's life story is a beautiful example of this.

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So, my friend, I hope you enjoy.

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Here is today's amazing guest, Taktum Thomas.

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I was born in 81 in Iran, Persia, Tehran.

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And that was, you know, a couple of years, three years after the revolution.

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So the Shah had just left and we had dictatorship just come in.

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And my parents were just not very happy there. So leaving the country is not

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as easy as leaving normal countries.

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You have to have a reason or you have to get permit to leave your own country.

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So my mom decided, my parents decided they wanted to flee.

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They fled first my mom with the three kids when I was about three and a half.

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And my siblings are both older. she fled

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to go officially on vacation and she

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fled through Turkey to get to Germany and my dad stayed

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back so they wouldn't be very suspicious about what was happening we left all

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the papers everything behind but my mom had a little bit of cash and about six

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months later my dad came they left the house everything behind and started a

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new life in Germany that's how it started.

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Wow. And did you say how old were you when that happened?

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I was three and a half. My sister is three years older.

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My brother is six years older. So I'm the youngest.

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Yeah. So I was going to say, so they probably have much more memory of all of

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that than I'm sure that you do.

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Yes. I have barely any memory, but

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I remember a picture that I saw

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of us being in Turkey in the snow it

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was just you know that's where they fled through and

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I remember just getting being

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an immigrant going suddenly to a kindergarten

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which is like preschool here and not speaking the language there was a lot of

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fear because a fear of the unknown we didn't speak the language my mom didn't

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have a job it was just a new situation and I could feel the uncertainty certainty of my mom.

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Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I honestly, I can't even imagine.

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I can't even imagine as a mother, especially knowing that, I mean,

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you have your children to take care of and you're fleeing to not just a new

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neighborhood, a whole new country.

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Wow. Now, how long would you end up being in Germany?

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Until I was, I believe, about 29.

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And I didn't really plan on leaving the country. I was very happy from what I knew in Germany.

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And so I was studying, my undergrad is in business economics.

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I was studying and part of our journey was to do one to go for one exchange

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semester somewhere abroad just to pimp up your resume.

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And I originally applied to go to South Korea, got a scholarship,

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but the government, the North and the South had some trouble,

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so I ended up not going there.

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And the lottery system...

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Of the universities threw me into Southeast Missouri State University in Missouri.

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So I was not very excited about that, because I just wanted to explore a little more culture.

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And my thought of America was USA was always that it's not very challenging

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culturally, I thought it was very similar to what I was living in Germany.

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So I was seeking the challenge. But, you know, the universe just threw me into

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Missouri. And so I took it.

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Yeah. Wow. Well, we'll get back to that once Missouri wanted some questions on that.

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But going back on childhood,

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talk to me a little bit about your childhood, because I know things were obviously

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very challenging because you ended up leaving home when you were,

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I think, around 12 years old. Mm-hmm.

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Yeah. So it was challenging for my mom to be by herself.

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And this is all obviously very from my perspective.

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And my mom seemed relatively normal until I realized maybe she's a little more

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challenged than other parents. So she was very overwhelmed.

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I remember not having any money and being hungry.

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And my mom went to the grocery store and filled up the card and said,

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basically, I am just going to take this food because my kids are hungry.

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And that was the first time the officials got involved.

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And my mom did not know that there is a service where she could receive money

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at least to pay the bills and have some food. So that's how it started.

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We started basically at the bottom, not being at the bottom in Iran.

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My mom came from a family. They had some money.

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So starting from scratch and feeling the pain of being basically on the very

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bottom, having no money, no clothes, not living fancy, not speaking the language, not having work.

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That was some pain that we had to go through as a family, especially my mom.

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And then once my dad came, he brought a little bit more money.

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But my dad was always very physically abusive.

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So they tried again to live together in Germany, but decided after about six

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months or a year that they need to get divorced. And so they got divorced.

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My dad moved out. I remember as a child, the divorce, it was very ugly.

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So my parents did not get along and my mom was always talking bad about my dad.

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And it was challenging for us to know where to go, where to belong,

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what's right and what's wrong. In the end, we ended up with my mom.

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And my mom got together with a man who brought drugs and alcohol into our household.

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So by that time I was about four and a half, five.

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And so my mom was occupied with this man and entirely kind of forgot about raising her children.

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She was escaping into drugs and alcohol.

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It just felt, she finally felt a relief because she was, I think,

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just very challenged all of her life. And she found an escape.

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And I raised myself, I mean, from getting up in the morning, getting ready.

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If we had breakfast at home, eating breakfast, walking 10 minutes to the bus

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station, taking the bus, walking another 20 minutes to school,

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going to school, doing homework, coming back, so on and so forth.

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So I basically did everything by myself as long as I can remember,

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getting up in the morning.

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And then at some point she started working as a nurse.

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She learned the language and her papers got translated. So she started working

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as a nurse and then she was working night shifts as well.

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So I was barely seeing my mom.

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She was between work and intoxicated, basically.

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And so it was just not a good situation to live in.

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And I always kept everything to myself.

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I was raised to be very loyal and not say anything.

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So I didn't say ever anything. And I more and more distrusted my family.

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More and more, I saw that things were not going right.

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I started having different friends, started smoking, started trying to find

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some love and attention in a new friend circle.

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And I just basically disconnected from my family because I saw that they didn't

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have really what I wanted.

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My mom was not living the life I wanted. She was very toxic at home,

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constantly talking down onto us. There was barely food around.

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Nobody was really cooking.

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There was just everything was lacking. Love, food, attention,

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everything was lacking.

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She was just so in her own world and in her own pain. She was raised in trauma herself.

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She was trying to get some help from my dad.

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And my dad doesn't know any other language, but being very aggressive and physically

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abusive. So that was just pushing me even further out from the family.

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And at this point, I'm barely coming home, always sleeping somewhere,

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smoking, experimenting with drugs, and I'm not even 10.

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And the new friend circle that I had found, they gave me love and attention

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and they were much older than I was, somewhere between, I don't know,

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like four to six to 10 years older.

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And one day, I mean, they kind of introduced me.

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There were a lot of boys that introduced me to kissing and touching.

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And they were just boys that were at an age where sex was very interesting to them.

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And at some point, two of the boys, they were like two brothers, 16 and 17 years old.

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Took it a little bit further and basically took me into a restroom and assaulted me sexually.

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And that was, for me personally, the tipping point where just,

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it was like an out-of-body experience in which I realized for the second time

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in my life, and I can tell you about my first time, that nobody was coming to save me.

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Nothing was going to change unless I would take control.

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So from that point on, I just made a decision.

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And I thought logically to myself, my family cannot show me or give me anything that I desire.

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I'm walking down a path that doesn't feel right in my conscience.

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And that's where I decided I need to remove myself from my family and I was about age 10.

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This is all an approximate because it was also traumatic for me that I just

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don't really remember the age gaps.

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It's all more or less a guess.

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So it was around 10 when I decided I need to remove myself from this family

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and from my friend circle.

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And so So I did. And I fought. I went to the officials and I fought for about

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one and a half, almost two years to be removed from this household,

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which was really hard work for me.

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It was really me against the world.

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And I was still not talking about the drug abuse of my mom at home or the alcohol.

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Hall and I was not talking about the sexual assault.

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I wasn't talking about anything. I just said, I need to be removed out of this household.

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And so they put me after one and a half years into a facility,

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which was a transitioning facility to figure out what's going on,

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where parents get invited to, and a therapist tried to mitigate basically and

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find out what's going on.

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So after about six weeks in there, six to eight weeks in that facility,

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they decided that I would have to go back home because they wouldn't know what was going on.

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And there was not enough evidence that the household was not good for me.

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And that was not an option for me.

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I had made my mind up. I'm not going to live back home. And this was the only opportunity I saw.

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And now it was not working out the way I wanted. So I chose to take my own life.

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And I swallowed, I don't even know, 40, 50, 60 pills.

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And...

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Next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital and they were pumping out my stomach.

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And this was before age 12.

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And there was this one lady at the hospital that finally in my 12 years said,

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I don't care what she's saying, what's going on.

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Obviously, there is something going on. A 12-year-old, a 10-year-old doesn't

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want to move out of her household and a 12-year-old doesn't want to take her

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life if there's nothing going on.

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So she's going to be removed and we're going to ask her where she wants to live

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and that's where she's going to live.

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And there was this one home, children's home that I was very drawn to. It was in the woods.

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They had multiple homes. So that's what I chose and that's where I went.

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Wow. Yeah. As you tell this story today,

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especially now as a mother, do you find it is remarkable as I do that at such

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a young age as 10 years old,

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that you would have the mindset to even realize like that I have to get out

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of here and to find a way into to go through this.

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This then year and a half long process to get out.

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Like, do you find that as remarkable as I do?

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You know, I didn't until people told me I really didn't.

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I followed entirely my intuition.

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There was a force there.

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That just always had my back. Wow. Wow.

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What was that year and a half like?

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Because, I mean, I would assume your mother knew during that whole time?

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Yeah. She knew. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare because I was not having

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a home to go back to because now they knew I wanted to move out.

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I was between staying sometimes at home, trying to stay with friends,

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which their parents were not very excited about having me.

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They didn't want to interfere with the situation.

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They didn't know what was going on and they respected my mother.

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So if I could sleep a night or two here and there, that's what I did.

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Sometimes I was just on the streets for a whole night.

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It was just a very toxic situation at home that I didn't want to stay in.

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And every time I went home, my mom was basically coming down on me with all

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the cuss words that you can think of.

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And then she called my dad. I was terrified of my dad because he was just physically

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so abusive. Sometimes he was home and they were waiting for me.

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Sometimes my sister tried to lock the doors so I couldn't leave the house again

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because they wouldn't know for how many days I would be gone.

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It was a nightmare it was a nightmare wow.

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Picking back up where you stopped at,

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Talking about the home, the children's home out in the woods. Talk to me about that.

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So it was a facility with, I think, like six, seven, eight big homes in the woods.

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And they were divided up by age group.

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So when I entered that, I went into the group for teenagers that will,

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you know, eventually be released into their own apartment and to live on their own.

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And I learned many, many lessons there. So when I entered, I was very relieved

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because I had a safe place.

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Nobody was talking down on me. It wasn't toxic. There was always food.

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There was money for clothes, for the hair cutter.

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There was support when I needed help with homework. work, we decided to put

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me into a school that was, I was before at a very elite high level push, push, push school.

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So they put me into a school that was a little more relaxed to calm down my

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nerves and to just see what's going on with me first.

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And so they took good care of me. And you have your own room within a house.

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And there was a kitchen since it was the teenagers group.

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Each of us had to cook once a week for the whole group. And we were about,

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I don't know, eight to 10 kids.

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And it was a good place to be. It was just very peaceful for me.

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For the first time, I just didn't, wasn't terrorized at home.

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And was able to just come home and have an all I wanted was a normal life. That's all I wanted.

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So I loved it there. And so within those four years, I evolved very quickly into a little adult.

00:19:26.343 --> 00:19:33.323

And really what that place also taught me, it doesn't matter how bad you think you have it.

00:19:33.323 --> 00:19:38.523

But I just saw left and right kids that had it worse than me.

00:19:38.523 --> 00:19:44.763

Way, way, way, way, way, way worse to a point it was almost unbearable what

00:19:44.763 --> 00:19:51.643

is happening in people's homes that I felt like I needed to leave to make room for somebody else.

00:19:51.743 --> 00:19:58.023

It was just heartbreaking to see what especially families are capable of doing.

00:19:58.023 --> 00:20:05.583

So I felt in my situation very lucky and was very thankful for my situation

00:20:05.583 --> 00:20:07.723

in any way you can think of.

00:20:07.763 --> 00:20:10.123

So being in that home, I felt very thankful.

00:20:10.183 --> 00:20:17.883

And then seeing that my situation was compared to other people's situations, just a walk in the park.

00:20:17.983 --> 00:20:21.383

So I felt all the way through gratitude.

00:20:21.383 --> 00:20:27.923

Attitude and when I went in there I made my mind up that I'm not going to be

00:20:27.923 --> 00:20:34.603

that child that goes into a children's home ending with making the exact same

00:20:34.603 --> 00:20:37.163

mistakes as her parents did.

00:20:37.323 --> 00:20:44.383

I made my mind up so I was putting in extra work to have extra good grades to

00:20:44.383 --> 00:20:45.723

go back to an elite school.

00:20:45.923 --> 00:20:48.803

And at age 16 they said

00:20:48.803 --> 00:20:51.783

you if you want you can move into your

00:20:51.783 --> 00:20:54.883

own apartment and we're going to assist you like we're

00:20:54.883 --> 00:21:00.483

just going to be here for you if you need help until you're 18 but you're going

00:21:00.483 --> 00:21:03.623

to pay your own bills you're going to work you're going to just take care of

00:21:03.623 --> 00:21:09.123

business yourself but if you need anything we are here and so I moved out by

00:21:09.123 --> 00:21:11.783

age 16 into my first own apartment.

00:21:12.023 --> 00:21:18.183

And I went to school and I worked on the side. I had nanny jobs and just made it work.

00:21:18.343 --> 00:21:21.083

I worked, I don't know, 20 hours a day.

00:21:21.283 --> 00:21:26.103

I don't know, school, homework, work, nanny jobs, whatever it took.

00:21:26.303 --> 00:21:35.663

And I again felt like the luckiest and happiest person on the planet because I finally had freedom.

00:21:35.823 --> 00:21:40.903

I had the choice to do what I wanted and wasn't constantly mirrored back,

00:21:41.829 --> 00:21:48.809

What a loser I am. Wow. You said that you had a job as a nanny.

00:21:49.049 --> 00:21:52.549

Was that like babysitting young children?

00:21:53.529 --> 00:21:59.989

So I had a school. I went to school for social work and part of the school was

00:21:59.989 --> 00:22:08.249

going to work like a, do you call it parentheses or like to work at a kindergarten on the side as well.

00:22:08.249 --> 00:22:11.829

So I was going to school and then I was working at a kindergarten,

00:22:12.009 --> 00:22:13.829

which is here like a preschool.

00:22:14.389 --> 00:22:20.889

And during that, I got approached by a family or by a woman who was self-employed

00:22:20.889 --> 00:22:23.809

and had twins and the twins were going to that school and she said,

00:22:23.909 --> 00:22:26.449

Hey, can you help me out? And I said, sure.

00:22:26.609 --> 00:22:34.929

And it ended up being, you know, every almost every day after working there

00:22:34.929 --> 00:22:38.049

until about eight, nine, 10 o'clock.

00:22:38.169 --> 00:22:40.209

And then I added, she had a friend.

00:22:40.389 --> 00:22:46.829

So I added another family to that. that the first family, they were twins.

00:22:46.909 --> 00:22:50.029

The girls, when I started with them, they were three years old.

00:22:50.309 --> 00:22:56.049

And the second family, they had three kids, which I did more on the weekends for them.

00:22:56.189 --> 00:23:02.289

It was more like if they wanted to go out and they had three kids from baby

00:23:02.289 --> 00:23:06.849

to I think it was like six or so. Wow.

00:23:07.429 --> 00:23:13.109

So I'm going to make another kind of thought here in my own mind.

00:23:13.409 --> 00:23:20.049

Again, looking at the person you were of kind of just, again,

00:23:20.129 --> 00:23:23.809

how profound it is coming from.

00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:36.149

The home life that you had, where you really had no experience of having the parent, having that

00:23:36.229 --> 00:23:39.949

love and the fact that now, even at this young age,

00:23:40.209 --> 00:23:46.309

you, though, were babysitting and taking care of children.

00:23:46.429 --> 00:23:48.469

I find that really fascinating.

00:23:48.789 --> 00:23:55.229

It is. I was very drawn to giving something that I didn't have.

00:23:55.429 --> 00:24:04.969

And like psychology and generally speaking, sociology, all the intangible things

00:24:04.969 --> 00:24:07.549

were always interesting to me.

00:24:07.609 --> 00:24:10.349

And I thought I would like to do that and take care,

00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:16.060

of other kids or adults in some way mentally and help people.

00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:17.800

But I was always drawn to that.

00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:22.880

But it all played out. This was not a plan.

00:24:23.100 --> 00:24:27.480

It all played out. You know, opportunities create opportunities.

00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:34.600

So every time I took a step, it seemed like the universe was just there for me.

00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:39.420

So I didn't plan ever on babysitting. It all just happened this way.

00:24:39.420 --> 00:24:47.300

And then they were all paying me very well because I was now basically a nanny for two families.

00:24:47.760 --> 00:24:52.960

And so everything was working out for me the whole way.

00:24:53.100 --> 00:24:57.800

And I'm convinced it's because I was just so full of gratitude,

00:24:57.980 --> 00:25:02.900

although it was hard. And there were times where I had 20 bucks for two weeks to eat.

00:25:03.080 --> 00:25:11.460

But I was just so relieved to have a normal life and not be in this emotional pain constantly.

00:25:12.580 --> 00:25:21.540

Yeah, absolutely. Now, what happens in the system that was there with you,

00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:24.440

the children's system? What happened when you turned 18?

00:25:25.060 --> 00:25:30.520

They were just not basically responsible for me anymore. But by that time, I didn't need them.

00:25:30.560 --> 00:25:34.340

So in the beginning, they help you find an apartment, they co-sign,

00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:40.940

they help you with furniture picking, and just everything like,

00:25:41.060 --> 00:25:44.020

do you know how to cook? Are you sure? Do you know the paperwork?

00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:48.200

All the bureaucracy that comes with it.

00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:51.620

And in the beginning they just are

00:25:51.620 --> 00:25:54.960

very connected to you up to for me

00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.080

it was two years up to when they say basically

00:25:58.080 --> 00:26:02.960

you're you're ready to run on your own i think in the end maybe i had a phone

00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:08.460

call every six months or so there was somebody i could call who was responsible

00:26:08.460 --> 00:26:15.020

for me but i just didn't need them anymore because I was just running the show myself. Yeah.

00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:22.960

Wow. Wow. Wow. You, again, I just, I just think to myself of,

00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:29.020

again, how remarkable you were as just a child being forced to grow up so quickly.

00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:33.240

The idea of at 16, basically being on your own.

00:26:33.940 --> 00:26:38.260

Talk to me a little bit about school, education.

00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:45.760

Where did you go after high school into college? What direction did you end up taking?

00:26:46.320 --> 00:26:50.840

Well, Germany is a little bit different than here. Here, it seems like you just

00:26:50.840 --> 00:26:52.980

go to college and then you figure it out.

00:26:54.320 --> 00:26:58.000

Or you don't go to college and then you're basically doomed.

00:26:58.997 --> 00:27:04.577

To do like a $8 an hour job, it seems like here. So in Germany,

00:27:04.657 --> 00:27:05.917

there are many, many more options.

00:27:06.417 --> 00:27:10.377

If you say, I don't want to go to college, which is not really,

00:27:10.477 --> 00:27:16.477

not everybody, you just go and work at a place like, is that, what do you call it?

00:27:16.697 --> 00:27:20.417

When you basically go to school and learn on the job as well.

00:27:21.577 --> 00:27:24.937

Okay, yes. So we have a million jobs like that.

00:27:24.957 --> 00:27:30.137

All the jobs at the bank, at the bakery, at the whatever you can think of,

00:27:30.357 --> 00:27:35.117

where you actually work and are not sitting in the office, but even in the office

00:27:35.117 --> 00:27:40.937

account or so you go to school, learn the paperwork about accounting,

00:27:41.297 --> 00:27:48.177

and then you go simultaneously, basically, and go and work on the job as well.

00:27:48.497 --> 00:27:52.237

So there are a million jobs like that, you decide what you want to do,

00:27:52.297 --> 00:28:00.197

and then you go and apply and they send you to work there as well as go to school

00:28:00.197 --> 00:28:01.717

on the side to learn the background.

00:28:01.957 --> 00:28:07.657

So if you want to be, I don't know, a chef, you just go and apply at a restaurant.

00:28:07.837 --> 00:28:12.877

And when they hire you, they can put you into the chef school.

00:28:13.377 --> 00:28:17.357

And you learn the background of how to run a business and a restaurant.

00:28:17.477 --> 00:28:20.617

And then you go also learn on the job how to cook.

00:28:21.117 --> 00:28:27.797

So that's what I did. First, I went and worked just at a store to make some money for clothes.

00:28:28.037 --> 00:28:34.597

It was a Zara. And as I worked there, they offered me a job to open worldwide.

00:28:35.397 --> 00:28:39.637

They were at that point, they were expanding. And so they offered if I wanted

00:28:39.637 --> 00:28:41.997

to travel with them and open stores worldwide.

00:28:42.257 --> 00:28:47.177

But they were paying extremely bad. And I was working 14, 16 hours a day.

00:28:47.673 --> 00:28:53.833

So I didn't want to do that. Then I moved on to becoming a waitress and I made

00:28:53.833 --> 00:28:55.053

really, really good money.

00:28:55.453 --> 00:28:59.493

And I got stuck there for a little bit. But as I was working there,

00:28:59.713 --> 00:29:03.713

there was a huge bank, like a chain right there.

00:29:03.833 --> 00:29:06.473

And the people were always coming for lunch.

00:29:06.633 --> 00:29:11.913

And the director recruited me and said, I would really love for you to work with us.

00:29:11.993 --> 00:29:15.953

So I went and did that and learned on the job. And, you know,

00:29:16.033 --> 00:29:20.613

in Germany, then you learn how to work on the basically stock market.

00:29:20.693 --> 00:29:23.133

You learn all the backgrounds, all the numbers, everything.

00:29:23.373 --> 00:29:29.093

And it's a very good and safe job. It's not like here that you just know that

00:29:29.093 --> 00:29:32.333

you're just a bank teller. I went through school for three years and learned

00:29:32.333 --> 00:29:37.153

everything about money and how it works, how money works.

00:29:37.433 --> 00:29:41.853

And then I worked at the bank and they too wanted to keep me.

00:29:41.853 --> 00:29:47.913

But I always, always, always felt as if the amount of money I always thought,

00:29:48.033 --> 00:29:52.813

the amount of money people are paying for jobs, it feels like a prison.

00:29:53.113 --> 00:29:57.033

You work Monday through Friday, eight hours a day, and then you have two,

00:29:57.213 --> 00:29:58.813

three hours to yourself.

00:29:58.973 --> 00:30:02.913

And then you don't even have plenty of money to spend those two,

00:30:02.973 --> 00:30:04.673

three hours the way you wish to.

00:30:04.913 --> 00:30:09.233

So it all didn't make sense to me. And the restaurant I used to work,

00:30:09.313 --> 00:30:11.553

they asked me if I want to become a manager there.

00:30:11.853 --> 00:30:13.753

And offered me much, much more money.

00:30:14.093 --> 00:30:19.333

And so I did that for a while until I got bored for, I don't know,

00:30:19.373 --> 00:30:20.873

I did it for two, three, four years.

00:30:20.973 --> 00:30:26.993

By now I'm mid and twenties and I was just making good money.

00:30:27.093 --> 00:30:30.533

And, but there was no progress. There was nowhere to go from there.

00:30:30.833 --> 00:30:37.653

And so I decided to start studying and going to college and it's free in Germany,

00:30:37.733 --> 00:30:39.953

but it's freaking hard. You have to apply.

00:30:40.293 --> 00:30:43.893

And it's basically you come to school, you get your books.

00:30:43.973 --> 00:30:49.453

If you want to come, you come. If you don't, you don't. At the end of the year, there are six exams.

00:30:50.133 --> 00:30:55.353

And if you fail one of them more than three times, you cannot study the subject

00:30:55.353 --> 00:30:56.913

in the whole country anymore.

00:30:57.413 --> 00:31:01.433

If you just want to show up to the exam, that's fine too. It's not like here

00:31:01.433 --> 00:31:04.773

it's homework. You're an adult, you come or go, nobody cares.

00:31:04.973 --> 00:31:07.993

You have to take the exam at the end of the semester.

00:31:08.453 --> 00:31:12.413

And it's It's just freaking, it's really hard. We started, I don't know,

00:31:12.473 --> 00:31:18.913

with how many hundreds of people, let's say 800, 1,000. And I think...

00:31:19.559 --> 00:31:27.819

It was six semesters, and I was one of maybe 80 or so who finished it within those six semesters.

00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:35.259

Everybody else either dropped out or never finished, or it took them like years and years.

00:31:36.139 --> 00:31:39.219

So that was hard for me because I didn't have the education,

00:31:39.379 --> 00:31:44.959

and I had to really work my ass off to make that work. So then during that,

00:31:45.099 --> 00:31:49.539

I decided to come across here to the U.S.

00:31:49.619 --> 00:31:56.519

For one exchange semester to improve my English and to just have a better resume.

00:31:56.739 --> 00:32:01.159

And that's what I did. And then I met my husband who didn't go to the university,

00:32:01.239 --> 00:32:04.599

but he lived in that little town who is now my ex-husband.

00:32:04.699 --> 00:32:07.879

But I met my husband and I liked him.

00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:12.099

And so I spent another semester here. Then I went home, wrote my thesis.

00:32:12.819 --> 00:32:17.399

And then I applied for my master's degree at that same university, got a scholarship.

00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:22.579

And I started and I finished business management at that school,

00:32:22.779 --> 00:32:24.759

a master in business management.

00:32:24.879 --> 00:32:29.819

So after those two years, I still liked my husband. We got married.

00:32:30.259 --> 00:32:34.739

We had one child in Missouri, and I didn't like it in Missouri at all.

00:32:34.919 --> 00:32:36.979

And so I said, let's move.

00:32:37.219 --> 00:32:43.479

And he had an aunt and a sister here in Nashville. And so we moved here and had another child.

00:32:43.699 --> 00:32:48.699

And things were just not feeling right for me, to me.

00:32:48.939 --> 00:32:56.319

And in mid-October 2022, I turned my life upside down, basically.

00:32:56.519 --> 00:33:03.339

And ever since, life is good. But, you know, I separated from my husband and

00:33:03.339 --> 00:33:09.599

we still are co-parenting and we still right now living together about to separate physically.

00:33:10.395 --> 00:33:18.015

But since October 2022, mid-October, life feels good again, powerful.

00:33:18.355 --> 00:33:26.595

And I feel like the time when I was a child and just trusted more my gut and less society rules.

00:33:28.055 --> 00:33:34.015

Wow. What a crazy journey you've been on. Yes.

00:33:34.835 --> 00:33:45.155

I mean, that is, it's just remarkable. I find myself so just in awe at you.

00:33:45.335 --> 00:33:50.755

And I had to say, when you're talking about college and you were talking about

00:33:50.755 --> 00:33:57.095

how hard it was and the fact that you were only one of a few students compared

00:33:57.095 --> 00:33:58.235

to the number who started.

00:33:58.235 --> 00:34:05.175

I couldn't help but think to myself, though, for myself and the people listening

00:34:05.175 --> 00:34:09.615

is we're like, well, duh, didn't we just listen to who this woman is?

00:34:09.695 --> 00:34:11.315

Like, of course she finished.

00:34:12.715 --> 00:34:15.855

Yes, yes, that's exactly who I am.

00:34:16.015 --> 00:34:21.855

And that's unfortunately who I buried for a very long time because I thought

00:34:21.855 --> 00:34:24.475

I have to bend to the rules of society.

00:34:25.155 --> 00:34:31.575

And I just recently stepped into that role again and said no more of that I

00:34:31.575 --> 00:34:33.095

just cannot shrink myself.

00:34:34.098 --> 00:34:39.398

To fit into somebody's narrative and I keep shining. Yeah.

00:34:39.938 --> 00:34:42.878

Well, well, good for you. Good for you.

00:34:43.038 --> 00:34:48.758

Besides for personal changes with, you know, marriage and everything.

00:34:48.858 --> 00:34:50.418

What about professionally?

00:34:51.198 --> 00:34:54.458

Yes. So I was a stay home mom until last October.

00:34:54.618 --> 00:35:00.418

Basically I was drinking my glass of wine at night and I was out of shape.

00:35:00.418 --> 00:35:05.958

I was depressed, running Groundhog Day, and I couldn't figure out why.

00:35:06.318 --> 00:35:09.318

Every day looked the same. I was taking care of the kids.

00:35:09.378 --> 00:35:15.018

I was on the outside living a life that you would think was acceptable or good.

00:35:15.418 --> 00:35:19.078

We are living in a good neighborhood. We live in a house, wide picket fence,

00:35:19.318 --> 00:35:22.258

a girl and a boy, a stay-at-home mom.

00:35:22.858 --> 00:35:27.718

Husband is bringing in enough money. Kids go to private school.

00:35:27.718 --> 00:35:30.598

Who, you know, on the outside, there was nothing wrong with it.

00:35:30.618 --> 00:35:36.698

But on the inside, I was entirely crumbled and broken because I entirely disconnected

00:35:36.698 --> 00:35:43.878

from my conscience and entirely disconnected from my purpose and was crippled emotionally.

00:35:44.178 --> 00:35:51.378

I was, again, in very much pain. And it came down to that I,

00:35:51.458 --> 00:35:53.498

at some point, one night...

00:35:53.498 --> 00:36:00.698

So I was the typical mom who was drinking her glass of wine at night to relax.

00:36:01.118 --> 00:36:02.858

That's what we call it, right?

00:36:03.538 --> 00:36:09.538

To relax or to just, you know, or some people just have a little bit of,

00:36:09.558 --> 00:36:13.018

you know, they smoke, they joined or whatever, just to relax,

00:36:13.198 --> 00:36:17.658

relax a little bit on the weekends with extra food and so on and so forth.

00:36:17.758 --> 00:36:23.098

And so I just felt as if something is not right. This cannot be it.

00:36:23.498 --> 00:36:28.458

And I was always going back and forth, not drinking for a while.

00:36:28.658 --> 00:36:33.718

I wasn't the typical alcoholic that woke up in the morning and needed to drink.

00:36:34.118 --> 00:36:38.218

But I knew that alcohol was just part of my identity.

00:36:38.358 --> 00:36:42.818

I was drinking the fanciest wines, fanciest bourbon, fanciest scotch.

00:36:43.118 --> 00:36:46.958

I was the host always who had the best foods and drinks.

00:36:47.058 --> 00:36:51.058

All family and friends always came to my house. My door was always open.

00:36:51.058 --> 00:36:54.758

And I just still I

00:36:54.758 --> 00:36:57.858

felt as if I couldn't identify with

00:36:57.858 --> 00:37:03.498

that person something was not right and I remember vividly after I didn't drink

00:37:03.498 --> 00:37:08.718

for a while I picked up a glass of wine one night and I told Ryan I said and

00:37:08.718 --> 00:37:15.318

here I am again having my glass of wine and I said why why is that playing such a big role in my life.

00:37:15.418 --> 00:37:20.398

And I said, I'm just, life doesn't feel right. And I said.

00:37:21.243 --> 00:37:25.883

If it wouldn't be for my children, I don't feel like this life would be worth living.

00:37:26.323 --> 00:37:30.823

And so as this entered my mouth, I realized what I just said.

00:37:31.003 --> 00:37:34.243

And so I was sad. Ryan went to bed.

00:37:34.603 --> 00:37:39.423

And that night, I'm not religious. I went down onto my knees and I said,

00:37:39.523 --> 00:37:41.783

I don't know what's happening.

00:37:41.923 --> 00:37:44.323

I don't know how, but I need help.

00:37:44.503 --> 00:37:48.623

I basically, I just begged for help.

00:37:48.623 --> 00:37:51.723

And so the next

00:37:51.723 --> 00:37:54.783

morning I'm sorry it makes me very emotional

00:37:54.783 --> 00:37:58.063

because no you're okay you take

00:37:58.063 --> 00:38:05.663

your time the next morning I listened to a podcast Andy Prezella and there was

00:38:05.663 --> 00:38:13.643

this man on the podcast who was talking about conscience and it upsets me because

00:38:13.643 --> 00:38:16.083

him and I had a little fallout yesterday today.

00:38:16.343 --> 00:38:19.163

And he's like my brother.

00:38:19.283 --> 00:38:25.583

So this man was on the podcast and he was talking about conscience and he was

00:38:25.583 --> 00:38:27.763

talking about being a role model to children.

00:38:27.943 --> 00:38:36.363

How can you live a life that you do not wish for your children and how kids emulate and not listen.

00:38:36.723 --> 00:38:41.423

And he was basically saying out loud the things that I knew were right.

00:38:41.883 --> 00:38:51.323

And from there on, I looked him up, I set up with him and my life has changed by 180 degrees.

00:38:51.483 --> 00:38:56.543

I just became this other woman. I stepped into my power, physically.

00:38:57.083 --> 00:39:02.063

Mentally, and run a business, a life coaching business,

00:39:02.243 --> 00:39:07.083

and basically created the the woman that I needed in my life,

00:39:07.183 --> 00:39:14.163

the mother that I needed, the woman that I needed later, and help other men

00:39:14.163 --> 00:39:16.323

and women do exactly the same,

00:39:16.443 --> 00:39:23.403

just giving them the freedom of authenticity and confidence in life and removing

00:39:23.403 --> 00:39:26.343

radically the biases out of their lives.

00:39:26.503 --> 00:39:32.923

Because that's a big, big burden that people are just not aware of.

00:39:32.963 --> 00:39:36.163

If it's food, if it's drugs, If it's alcohol, if it's porn,

00:39:36.323 --> 00:39:39.723

if it's whatever is calling you, whatever you cannot let go,

00:39:39.883 --> 00:39:47.223

the little voice that's telling you to sleep in, that little voice is just making

00:39:47.223 --> 00:39:50.243

you every day habitually weak.

00:39:51.185 --> 00:39:57.245

And you can use the same force and the same energy to habitually create everything you want in your life.

00:39:57.385 --> 00:40:00.565

And I'm just living proof because I went from this overweight.

00:40:00.965 --> 00:40:09.925

Depressed mother of two who had no income to now one and a half or 20 months

00:40:09.925 --> 00:40:14.345

later being in extremely good shape,

00:40:14.505 --> 00:40:17.105

like outstanding shape mentally.

00:40:17.445 --> 00:40:19.425

Physically and financially.

00:40:19.425 --> 00:40:28.365

I surpassed many, many people doing this for only 20 months because I just live by the universal laws.

00:40:28.645 --> 00:40:34.665

I just go with the flow of life and I go with integrity and do the things that

00:40:34.665 --> 00:40:39.065

need to get done regardless of how I feel about it.

00:40:39.065 --> 00:40:45.385

Because I just choose to create this woman who can serve over this woman who

00:40:45.385 --> 00:40:52.645

was just thinking about herself and her little boo-boos and her little needs and numbing her pain.

00:40:52.765 --> 00:40:59.545

So now I live outwardly everything I go through in life and show people that

00:40:59.545 --> 00:41:05.865

life is not about being happy all the time because if you're chasing happiness, you're just chasing.

00:41:05.865 --> 00:41:09.545

There's a lack that you will never be able to fill.

00:41:09.665 --> 00:41:14.705

You will be always chasing drugs, alcohol, women, porn, whatever it is.

00:41:14.845 --> 00:41:21.045

But if you actually solidify and make yourself proud every day and live with

00:41:21.045 --> 00:41:25.725

confidence and respect for yourself every day by doing the things that need

00:41:25.725 --> 00:41:28.105

to get done, regardless of how hard they are,

00:41:28.225 --> 00:41:32.805

you just wake up differently and are excited about life because you're creating

00:41:32.805 --> 00:41:34.565

and you experience growth.

00:41:35.285 --> 00:41:40.625

So that's what I live every day. And that's what I teach. And it works 100% of the time.

00:41:40.865 --> 00:41:52.365

Yeah. I just want to take a moment to say thank you for being so real and open today.

00:41:52.745 --> 00:41:59.485

I truly believe that podcasting, what I love about it is it's an opportunity

00:41:59.485 --> 00:42:07.185

for us to be in somebody's life, possibly right now, somebody on the other side of the world from us.

00:42:07.625 --> 00:42:11.785

Maybe it's a woman who's 10 steps behind you.

00:42:12.145 --> 00:42:15.265

And maybe she just needed to hear exactly what you said.

00:42:15.625 --> 00:42:22.305

And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your willingness to share that.

00:42:22.545 --> 00:42:25.405

You're so welcome. This is all I want.

00:42:25.665 --> 00:42:31.585

All I want that I was once that woman and somebody did it for me.

00:42:31.585 --> 00:42:35.405

And I truly feel as if I owe. So...

00:42:36.197 --> 00:42:47.437

Yeah. Well, my next question is for the person who would love to learn more about working with you,

00:42:47.497 --> 00:42:54.597

would love to find ways to be connected with you and plugged into your world, where can we send them?

00:42:54.757 --> 00:42:57.837

The safest way is on Instagram.

00:42:58.197 --> 00:43:02.037

Talk Tom, T-O-K-T-A-M, Thomas.

00:43:02.617 --> 00:43:11.637

And I pop up and I live on Instagram 24 seven, creating content, documenting my life.

00:43:11.777 --> 00:43:19.437

You can watch me elevate and you can reach me there. You DM me and it's very easy.

00:43:19.577 --> 00:43:24.837

I'm right there with my clients, with my people all day, every day.

00:43:24.897 --> 00:43:30.437

I go first, I do everything first and you just follow my lead and you will experience

00:43:30.437 --> 00:43:32.777

it yourself. I do have two programs.

00:43:33.737 --> 00:43:37.797

Number one is we need to get you in shape first, physically and mentally.

00:43:38.017 --> 00:43:43.937

And number two is then the elite program where we work very tightly together, one-on-one.

00:43:44.377 --> 00:43:47.737

Yeah, amazing. Well, talk to me.

00:43:47.797 --> 00:43:52.557

I will be sure that all of that is in the show notes for anybody interested,

00:43:53.317 --> 00:43:55.877

who needs an easy access, a link.

00:43:55.997 --> 00:43:58.217

I'll be positive that all of that is there.

00:43:58.497 --> 00:44:01.657

I want to end today with just one final question.

00:44:02.657 --> 00:44:08.217

And looking at all that you've been through, now you're a mother.

00:44:09.226 --> 00:44:16.206

What do you hope that you can instill in your children to as they continue on with life?

00:44:16.386 --> 00:44:21.266

What do you hope that they when they're looking back, what do you hope that

00:44:21.266 --> 00:44:25.166

that they, you know, know that you instilled in them?

00:44:25.526 --> 00:44:33.946

I want my children to understand that the outside world is a reflection of their

00:44:33.946 --> 00:44:38.446

internal state so that we can create the world that we live in.

00:44:38.446 --> 00:44:44.566

And I not only preach that every day, I live that right in front of them.

00:44:45.226 --> 00:44:49.186

So I live what I teach every day.

00:44:49.326 --> 00:44:55.006

And that's what I want them to know. You can create the world that you live

00:44:55.006 --> 00:44:57.526

in literally. Yeah, beautiful.

00:44:58.046 --> 00:45:05.806

Takhtam, thank you so much. You have been one of the most amazing people I've

00:45:05.806 --> 00:45:08.906

had the opportunity to meet and to speak with and to hear your story.

00:45:09.086 --> 00:45:12.906

It means the world to me to have you here today. Thank you very much.

00:45:13.386 --> 00:45:21.826

Yeah, absolutely. For you listening, my hope is that you're touched as much as I am,

00:45:21.906 --> 00:45:29.406

that you're smiling, like that your heart is warm and that you just want a little

00:45:29.406 --> 00:45:31.146

bit more of this woman in your life.

00:45:31.386 --> 00:45:36.546

So you be sure to check out the show notes where I've left links to Instagram

00:45:36.546 --> 00:45:39.186

in all the places that she mentioned.

00:45:39.526 --> 00:45:43.286

Let's show this lady some love. Get on the Instagram and start following her today.

00:45:43.906 --> 00:45:48.246

My name is Kevin Lowe. This, of course, is Great Grace and Inspiration.

00:45:48.546 --> 00:45:50.646

You get out there and enjoy the day.

00:45:51.120 --> 00:46:09.666

Music.