Show Transcript

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Kevin Lowe: If you've ever felt lost, overwhelmed, even frustrated at trying to regain your happiness,

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Kevin Lowe: Well, today's episode, today's conversation is going to give you the tools you

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Kevin Lowe: need to break free and create a life you truly love.

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Kevin Lowe: Our guest, Tamara's owner, she was trapped in an emotionally abusive marriage.

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Kevin Lowe: She was convinced she was stuck until, of course, she made one monumental decision

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Kevin Lowe: that would change everything.

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Kevin Lowe: Today, Tamara is a science-backed happiness coach, proving that pure joy,

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Kevin Lowe: it's not just possible, but rather it's a skill that can be learned and mastered.

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Kevin Lowe: If you, my friend, are in need of a little bit more joy in your life,

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Kevin Lowe: some happiness, you could benefit from a masterclass on happiness,

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Kevin Lowe: well, you're exactly where you're meant to be.

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Kevin Lowe: This, my friend, is episode 367. Now, as a quick reminder, if you would love

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Kevin Lowe: a little help in being sure that this year is indeed the best year of your life,

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Kevin Lowe: well, you got to go check out my free resource.

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Kevin Lowe: It's called 14 Nuggets of Wisdom for a Better Life.

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Kevin Lowe: I've created a free ebook plus an exclusive free podcast episode,

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Kevin Lowe: all designed to help you make this year the best year of your life.

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Kevin Lowe: A link is at the top of today's show notes where you can click to download,

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Kevin Lowe: or you can also head on over to gritgraceinspiration.com, the website for the podcast,

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Kevin Lowe: where you will also find a link to access that same resource.

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Kevin Lowe: It's just my way of trying to help you make today a little bit better than yesterday.

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Kevin Lowe: And of course, this year, the best year of your life.

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Kevin Lowe: With that said, I hope you enjoy today's episode.

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Kevin Lowe: Here's my interview with Tamara Zona. Hey, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe,

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Kevin Lowe: and you are listening to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

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Kevin Lowe: What has happened to my friends? Welcome back to the studios here at Great Grace and Inspiration.

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Kevin Lowe: Today, I have the pleasure of being joined by another amazing woman here in

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Kevin Lowe: the studio with me, Tamara. Welcome to the podcast.

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Tamara Zoner: Thank you. It's a joy to be here.

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Kevin Lowe: Oh my goodness. Well, Tamara, I've been super excited for us to get to talk

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Kevin Lowe: today and get to unpack really kind of,

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Kevin Lowe: I guess I would say it, both kind of like this personal journey and professional

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Kevin Lowe: journey that you've been on and all of this around this amazing topic of happiness.

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Kevin Lowe: I want to ask a question to kick things off today.

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Kevin Lowe: When we talk about happiness, do you think of happiness as a destination or

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Kevin Lowe: is it part of the journey?

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Tamara Zoner: It is the journey.

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Tamara Zoner: Yeah, I think there's a big problem if we think that it's the destination because

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Tamara Zoner: we're never going to get there. We're always here.

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Tamara Zoner: And so if we can just plant our feet and know that happiness is a moment to

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Tamara Zoner: moment practice, then we'll feel more of it.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. I love that so much. Well, then talking about the journey is,

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Kevin Lowe: I always love to kind of go back a little bit. And so

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Kevin Lowe: I'll let you decide where we pick up your story at.

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Kevin Lowe: But what I'm curious is, is when you look back on this journey you've been on, was there any person,

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Kevin Lowe: an event, even maybe just a period of your life that you feel like was really

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Kevin Lowe: significant on getting you to where you are today?

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Tamara Zoner: Yes. Yes and yes.

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Tamara Zoner: The most significant point in my life where I feel like really where I am today

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Tamara Zoner: began is about 15 years ago,

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Tamara Zoner: where I really discovered and admitted to myself that I was not living for me.

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Tamara Zoner: I was trying to be someone for someone else.

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Tamara Zoner: And that was a glimmer. And then I continued for a few more years in this controlling,

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Tamara Zoner: emotionally abusive marriage because we had had a third child and I didn't want to be a single parent.

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Tamara Zoner: But as I had tried everything to fix the marriage, to make it better,

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Tamara Zoner: to be who we wanted, and none of it worked, I finally turned back to myself

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Tamara Zoner: and was like, well, I feel miserable.

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Tamara Zoner: This isn't working for me. I hate life.

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Tamara Zoner: I don't like me. and I'm supposed to be happy, right?

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Tamara Zoner: Because I've got children and a husband and I'm living in another country.

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Tamara Zoner: And like, ideally it should be a happy life, but it's not.

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Tamara Zoner: And so when I started to kind of dig into what would make me happy,

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Tamara Zoner: I stopped kind of the lying to myself of like, this will get better because

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Tamara Zoner: it wasn't getting better.

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Tamara Zoner: And I instead said, what do I need? now? What would make me feel happy?

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Tamara Zoner: And I happen to at the same time,

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Tamara Zoner: meet a woman who was a certified passion test facilitator.

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Tamara Zoner: And when we first exchanged business cards, I didn't know what that was.

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Tamara Zoner: I've never heard of it, but something in my whole body knew.

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Tamara Zoner: I felt like shivers and chills. Like when you just know something is about to change or happen.

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Tamara Zoner: That's how I felt when I read those words. And before I'd even taken what's

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Tamara Zoner: called the passion test, I had signed up to become a certified facilitator.

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Tamara Zoner: And it was really that process that helped me and still helps anybody I work

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Tamara Zoner: with to identify what I wanted life to look and feel like.

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Tamara Zoner: And the interesting thing for me at the time was that you make a list of 10

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Tamara Zoner: to 12 things that you want to be, do, feel, or have.

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Tamara Zoner: And my family was on that list, but the process is getting down to the top five.

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Tamara Zoner: And my family hit one of those.

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Tamara Zoner: And the rest was about me feeling authentic, about me having confidence,

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Tamara Zoner: about me having my own voice and friends because I had no friends because controlling husband.

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Tamara Zoner: And so it was really awakening for me. It was eye-opening. It was heart awakening.

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Tamara Zoner: Like, oh, I've been living this lie to try to make someone else happy who is

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Tamara Zoner: never happy and never going to be happy with me.

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Tamara Zoner: And now I get to choose something different.

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Tamara Zoner: And as, and it's a long story shortish, but as I opened to what made me feel

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Tamara Zoner: good and I stepped back into personal development and personal growth and really honoring myself,

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Tamara Zoner: I was able to gather the courage to walk away from that painful,

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Tamara Zoner: painful marriage and really step more fully into being who I am and reclaimed

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Tamara Zoner: or remembered the joyful person that I naturally am.

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Tamara Zoner: And so it was quite a process. But the reason I do this work is because I was

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Tamara Zoner: desperately unhappy, but I could remember a version of myself with some natural happiness.

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Tamara Zoner: And it was all about finding her again.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Now, how long were you in this relationship before you really started

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Kevin Lowe: coming to this kind of awakening?

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Tamara Zoner: 12 years and I left at 15 years.

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Kevin Lowe: Wow. Now, how I don't even know how to frame the question of how were you able

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Kevin Lowe: to to get out of such a relationship?

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Kevin Lowe: Because obviously that takes extreme courage and strength on your part.

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Kevin Lowe: What was that like for you?

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Tamara Zoner: It was so hard, Kevin. It's so scary to be, especially as a parent, right?

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Tamara Zoner: To be a parent of three young children who I had worked on and off,

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Tamara Zoner: but we had moved from country to country. My ex-husband is French.

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Tamara Zoner: So we weren't like, he wasn't attached to the United States where I'm from.

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Tamara Zoner: And so we had lived in Asia. We had lived in the UK and I had this reoccurring

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Tamara Zoner: thought that I was just stuck because how was I supposed to support three kids

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Tamara Zoner: on my own? Where would we even live.

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Tamara Zoner: And as I just became clearer and clearer on what I needed to do,

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Tamara Zoner: which was to gather that courage to do something more for myself,

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Tamara Zoner: synchronicity played a part.

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Tamara Zoner: So I had gained enough confidence and courage to fight for coming home for a

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Tamara Zoner: visit with my three kids and me, just us, just the four of us.

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Tamara Zoner: My ex, still husband at the time, stayed in the UK where we were living because

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Tamara Zoner: he needed to work and couldn't take the time off.

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Tamara Zoner: And normally I didn't travel without him, but I've, I've fought for this one.

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Tamara Zoner: I was like, I need to go home. I need to see my family.

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Tamara Zoner: I need to see my friends. The kids need to see their family.

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Tamara Zoner: And so he agreed. So we came back to Michigan, August of 2014.

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Tamara Zoner: And after a few days, I noticed myself start to relax.

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Tamara Zoner: Like I wasn't constantly bracing for the next outburst or what I was going to be in trouble for.

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Tamara Zoner: And I started to relax and think, well, wow, here are these people around me

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Tamara Zoner: who say they love me and they act like it too.

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Tamara Zoner: And I was a brand new passion test facilitator at the time. So I had just gotten

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Tamara Zoner: certified as a life coach, as a passion test facilitator.

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Tamara Zoner: And so I wanted to practice my new skills on my family and friends who I hadn't seen in years.

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Tamara Zoner: And I was giving a workshop and like any good abused spouse,

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Tamara Zoner: I had informed my husband exactly what I'd be doing all day long, right?

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Tamara Zoner: I'm not going to be answering my phone for three hours because I will be doing this workshop.

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Tamara Zoner: So the unspoken words were, so please don't accuse me of things I'm not doing, but he did.

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Tamara Zoner: So during the workshop, he called 24 times, 24 times until one of my friends

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Tamara Zoner: picked up my phone and said, Tam, maybe it's an emergency. I think you might

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Tamara Zoner: want to call your husband.

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Tamara Zoner: And so I did. I went and I called him and I was like, is everything okay?

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Tamara Zoner: And he just went on this rampage. And I thought to myself, oh my gosh,

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Tamara Zoner: like here is the biggest sign.

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Tamara Zoner: And if I miss it now, there's no hope for me Because he is showing me exactly who he is.

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Tamara Zoner: And I am thousands of miles away and I don't ever have to go back to that.

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Kevin Lowe: Hmm.

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Tamara Zoner: And so, yeah, over the course of a few days, he demonstrated many ways why I

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Tamara Zoner: did not need to return to that relationship.

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Tamara Zoner: And I was so grateful, you know, as I look back and of course,

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Tamara Zoner: in the moment, it's all scary and it's like, what am I going to do?

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Tamara Zoner: And I don't want to go back to that.

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Tamara Zoner: And parents, could you please let me stay here for a while in your basement

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Tamara Zoner: with my three children? And so I am fortunate in the fact that I had family

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Tamara Zoner: that I could ask for support from.

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Tamara Zoner: And I recognize that not every person has that. And I feel very,

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Tamara Zoner: very grateful and fortunate that I was able to lean on them and have a safe

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Tamara Zoner: place for my children and I to stay.

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Tamara Zoner: And then, you know, suck up my ego and ask for state assistance for a time because

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Tamara Zoner: my ex, as soon as I decided to stay, cut me off from her bank accounts.

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Tamara Zoner: So I had no money, three kids. And I was not so proud that I wasn't willing

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Tamara Zoner: to ask for the social assistance that is available to a lot of us.

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Tamara Zoner: And sometimes we're too proud.

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Tamara Zoner: And so we keep ourselves stuck because we won't ask for help. But I did. And I got it.

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Tamara Zoner: And that helped me get back on my feet and be where I am today,

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Tamara Zoner: which is in a really amazing place.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. It's such a powerful story. and I hope for anyone,

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Kevin Lowe: man or woman listening to this today, who's in a relationship, as you have described,

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Kevin Lowe: I hope that this can be that little spark that they need to hear today,

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Kevin Lowe: that they don't have to stay.

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Tamara Zoner: Me too, because it's only a belief in our mind that we're stuck.

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Tamara Zoner: I held it for so long. I was so attached to the belief that I had to make that

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Tamara Zoner: marriage work, that I was stuck in it, that I could never leave.

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Tamara Zoner: My own parents will celebrate 60 years of marriage in December.

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Tamara Zoner: So I thought I had to make this work, that I just had to deal with life, but that's not living.

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Tamara Zoner: That's not living. And so if anybody listening is feeling stuck,

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Tamara Zoner: like you don't know what to do, you don't have to know how to do it.

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Tamara Zoner: You simply have to decide what you want.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah.

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Tamara Zoner: I want to feel better.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Now, after that part had ended and you, you separated,

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Kevin Lowe: you left your husband, you're back at home.

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Kevin Lowe: How do you kind of begin to create a new kind of chapter for you, for your kids?

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Kevin Lowe: How does that all pan out for you?

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Tamara Zoner: One day at a time. And I really got clear on what I wanted my life to look and

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Tamara Zoner: feel like. So I use the very process that I teach.

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Tamara Zoner: So, you know, when my life is ideal, I am able to easily support my children

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Tamara Zoner: in their emotional and physical growth.

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Tamara Zoner: When my life is ideal, I am working in a job or a career that I love that makes

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Tamara Zoner: me feel alive and step by step by step like that.

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Tamara Zoner: So I, of course, I had kids to feed. So I did go, I was a brand new coach.

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Tamara Zoner: So here I had just begun building my business in the UK. And now I was back

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Tamara Zoner: here in Michigan, starting over from scratch.

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Tamara Zoner: And eventually I was like, going to stay true to being a coach and not go get a J-O-B.

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Tamara Zoner: But then I needed to feed my kids. And my parents were like,

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Tamara Zoner: what are you doing, Tam, are you going to get a job?

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Tamara Zoner: And so I started looking for positions that felt good.

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Tamara Zoner: I didn't want to just do anything. I wanted to, for the first time in my life,

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Tamara Zoner: to stay true to me, to stay authentic to me, to stay in integrity,

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Tamara Zoner: because I had been out of it for so long.

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Tamara Zoner: And so by the time I got a call from a senior community, I didn't even remember

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Tamara Zoner: what I had applied for. It had been weeks.

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Tamara Zoner: I was living on, I had state assistance. I had a little bit of savings from a tax return.

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Tamara Zoner: And I finally got this call, went into a senior community to be interviewed

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Tamara Zoner: for whatever position they had open. And I ended up in life enrichment and activities,

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Tamara Zoner: which was a perfect fit for me.

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Tamara Zoner: The place was five minutes from my house. So I could still watch my kindergartner

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Tamara Zoner: get on the bus in the morning, go to work, be on time, even if I left late,

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Tamara Zoner: and then be home in time for him to get back off of that bus.

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Tamara Zoner: Or have my mother, who I was now living with my parents, meet him at the bus if I couldn't be there.

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Tamara Zoner: So it wasn't me working around the clock. It was me still being able to be a

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Tamara Zoner: present parent and have my children at home where I actually grew up,

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Tamara Zoner: which was pretty amazing.

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Tamara Zoner: So it's a big 10 acres of land so they could run and play and I'd have to watch

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Tamara Zoner: them every second. And that was amazing.

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Tamara Zoner: And then I still kept coaching and speaking on the side,

00:16:04.153 --> 00:16:08.293

Tamara Zoner: running workshops here and there, but having fun in senior communities until

00:16:08.293 --> 00:16:12.773

Tamara Zoner: finally I got another call from a friend who there was a full-time director

00:16:12.773 --> 00:16:16.453

Tamara Zoner: of life enrichment position available at another senior community,

00:16:16.713 --> 00:16:18.493

Tamara Zoner: an independent senior community,

00:16:18.813 --> 00:16:20.573

Tamara Zoner: pretty luxury too.

00:16:20.933 --> 00:16:23.913

Tamara Zoner: And so I interviewed for that job and had it within three days.

00:16:24.093 --> 00:16:28.213

Tamara Zoner: And that really, now I was fully on my own feet.

00:16:28.353 --> 00:16:33.393

Tamara Zoner: I was working more, but it was a fun job and it was definitely enriching.

00:16:33.553 --> 00:16:37.593

Tamara Zoner: So one of my rules of life is to do things that light me up.

00:16:38.193 --> 00:16:43.913

Tamara Zoner: I don't think any of us have to struggle through life. If we do,

00:16:44.113 --> 00:16:46.633

Tamara Zoner: that's just our mind lying to us.

00:16:46.813 --> 00:16:51.993

Tamara Zoner: And it's really actually so important that we do things that bring us light

00:16:51.993 --> 00:16:57.213

Tamara Zoner: and joy and love, because that opens up a world of possibilities for us when

00:16:57.213 --> 00:16:58.753

Tamara Zoner: we're in this energy of love.

00:16:58.973 --> 00:17:03.733

Tamara Zoner: Then I think from my personal perspective, like a spirit or source or whatever

00:17:03.733 --> 00:17:07.593

Tamara Zoner: you call that big guy in the sky or don't call, it doesn't matter to me.

00:17:08.393 --> 00:17:14.353

Tamara Zoner: Then that greater being responds like, oh, you're doing good stuff for you here.

00:17:14.513 --> 00:17:15.653

Tamara Zoner: I'll give you some more of it.

00:17:15.913 --> 00:17:22.653

Tamara Zoner: And so life just kept getting more fun and more rich and until COVID hit,

00:17:22.853 --> 00:17:26.413

Tamara Zoner: but that's a whole second segment of the story. Right.

00:17:26.753 --> 00:17:31.193

Tamara Zoner: So I just took one day at a time and really allowed my heart to guide me?

00:17:31.493 --> 00:17:38.773

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Now, when I'm listening to you talk about this, the question I have

00:17:38.773 --> 00:17:46.433

Kevin Lowe: when you talk about almost like talking to the person listening today and you

00:17:47.708 --> 00:17:51.188

Kevin Lowe: So many times I think we get stuck in a rut.

00:17:51.368 --> 00:17:54.748

Kevin Lowe: Like when you talk about like following what you really like,

00:17:54.908 --> 00:17:59.008

Kevin Lowe: what you love, your passion is, what lights you up, what is fun.

00:17:59.568 --> 00:18:05.888

Kevin Lowe: I think so many times as adults, we get stuck in the thing of what's it's it's

00:18:05.888 --> 00:18:09.888

Kevin Lowe: the it's our job, whether we like it or not. we go to work, we do the job.

00:18:10.348 --> 00:18:15.488

Kevin Lowe: And there's probably not even anything that most people can say that they have

00:18:15.488 --> 00:18:18.168

Kevin Lowe: as even a hobby that they love or enjoy.

00:18:18.708 --> 00:18:20.548

Kevin Lowe: What do you say to that person?

00:18:21.128 --> 00:18:24.748

Tamara Zoner: Find that hobby. Like a lot of people have forgotten because you're right,

00:18:24.928 --> 00:18:28.528

Tamara Zoner: we're weighed down by all the shoulds of adulthood. We're supposed to do this.

00:18:28.668 --> 00:18:32.628

Tamara Zoner: We have this checklist that we're, you know, we have to get a degree or a good

00:18:32.628 --> 00:18:35.868

Tamara Zoner: job or a career and then a house and then a partner, and then a family.

00:18:36.028 --> 00:18:40.408

Tamara Zoner: And we think this is this prescribed way of being that we have to do the same.

00:18:40.868 --> 00:18:45.628

Tamara Zoner: And so many times, and this is typical of my clients, they get to this point

00:18:45.628 --> 00:18:49.108

Tamara Zoner: where they say, Tamara, I've checked all the boxes and I'm still not happy.

00:18:49.648 --> 00:18:54.068

Tamara Zoner: Well, what is something that used to make you happy? So here's what I encourage

00:18:54.068 --> 00:18:57.408

Tamara Zoner: people to tap into. What used to make you feel happy?

00:18:58.088 --> 00:19:04.048

Tamara Zoner: What lights you up? Maybe you love true crime. Who cares?

00:19:04.428 --> 00:19:09.188

Tamara Zoner: Maybe you love dancing. Maybe you love singing. That is one thing that I love

00:19:09.188 --> 00:19:15.448

Tamara Zoner: doing that I had put up on a shelf because my husband told me I was too loud and I should be quiet.

00:19:15.588 --> 00:19:18.508

Tamara Zoner: So I stopped singing, which is such a part of me.

00:19:18.788 --> 00:19:22.308

Tamara Zoner: And once I left, once in a while, I'd go do karaoke.

00:19:22.588 --> 00:19:27.668

Tamara Zoner: And guess what? I would feel so alive. I love it. So what's one thing?

00:19:28.108 --> 00:19:33.068

Tamara Zoner: It can be small, it can be big, but it needs to be accessible so that you can

00:19:33.068 --> 00:19:35.808

Tamara Zoner: do it on a regular basis that makes you feel alive.

00:19:35.928 --> 00:19:42.068

Tamara Zoner: And I really don't care if it's watching funny cat videos on Instagram or taking

00:19:42.068 --> 00:19:44.628

Tamara Zoner: a walk through the woods for five minutes.

00:19:45.970 --> 00:19:50.810

Tamara Zoner: Or just sitting and remembering what you used to do and really allowing yourself

00:19:50.810 --> 00:19:53.850

Tamara Zoner: to imagine or remember, because it's the same thing to the brain,

00:19:54.030 --> 00:20:01.830

Tamara Zoner: what that felt like and feeling yourself come alive just that little bit.

00:20:02.030 --> 00:20:06.870

Tamara Zoner: And then bonus points if you go do the thing. It could be laughing with your kids or your grandkids.

00:20:07.130 --> 00:20:15.470

Tamara Zoner: I remember one of the first times that I had fun with my kids again after I left my marriage.

00:20:15.970 --> 00:20:21.470

Tamara Zoner: We lived up on a hill with my parents where I was raised. And so we would sled

00:20:21.470 --> 00:20:23.330

Tamara Zoner: to the bus stop in the winter.

00:20:26.270 --> 00:20:33.310

Tamara Zoner: And it was so much fun. And I remember laughing as the sled was spinning around and around.

00:20:33.510 --> 00:20:37.570

Tamara Zoner: And the four of us were going down, you know, a few times because we had time while we waited.

00:20:37.910 --> 00:20:44.110

Tamara Zoner: And I remember laughing so hard and thinking, oh, my God, I'm having fun with my kids.

00:20:44.110 --> 00:20:54.110

Tamara Zoner: I hadn't had fun in years and it was total abandon and joy and we're all meant

00:20:54.110 --> 00:20:57.130

Tamara Zoner: to experience that at least sometimes.

00:20:59.996 --> 00:21:05.876

Tamara Zoner: So to tune in to like, oh, what? Okay, right now nothing makes me feel alive, but what did?

00:21:06.616 --> 00:21:13.316

Tamara Zoner: What did? What did I put away for the shoulds that maybe I could pull out for five minutes today?

00:21:13.816 --> 00:21:14.296

Kevin Lowe: Yeah.

00:21:14.596 --> 00:21:14.876

Tamara Zoner: Yeah.

00:21:15.036 --> 00:21:21.436

Kevin Lowe: I love that so much. So in this kind of journey that you're taking us on,

00:21:21.676 --> 00:21:25.216

Kevin Lowe: and I don't know if I'm going to skip too far ahead with this question,

00:21:25.216 --> 00:21:30.956

Kevin Lowe: but I'm kind of curious is, so when did you become the lady? around happiness.

00:21:32.416 --> 00:21:38.236

Tamara Zoner: So during COVID, so COVID hit my senior community and suddenly we were actually

00:21:38.236 --> 00:21:41.836

Tamara Zoner: the first senior community in Michigan to have a positive COVID case.

00:21:41.956 --> 00:21:44.816

Tamara Zoner: And I found out about it the day I went into work.

00:21:46.096 --> 00:21:49.976

Tamara Zoner: And so, yeah, I laugh because that's my defense mechanism, right?

00:21:50.156 --> 00:21:56.556

Tamara Zoner: So I get to work, we're on lockdown, all the residents who usually it's my job

00:21:56.556 --> 00:22:01.476

Tamara Zoner: to bring them together in groups are now isolated in their apartments.

00:22:02.396 --> 00:22:06.016

Tamara Zoner: And one of them wanders down kind of confused.

00:22:06.176 --> 00:22:09.236

Tamara Zoner: It's independent living, but that didn't mean that everybody was like,

00:22:09.416 --> 00:22:11.656

Tamara Zoner: you know, 100% cognitively functioning.

00:22:12.456 --> 00:22:14.656

Tamara Zoner: One of the residents came down, was confused.

00:22:16.056 --> 00:22:19.276

Tamara Zoner: And he was like, why do I have to be in my apartment?

00:22:19.556 --> 00:22:23.036

Tamara Zoner: And so I just said, let me escort you back to your room and I'll,

00:22:23.036 --> 00:22:24.496

Tamara Zoner: I'll explain it on the way.

00:22:24.836 --> 00:22:29.076

Tamara Zoner: And so as I was walking him back to his apartment, you know,

00:22:29.216 --> 00:22:32.076

Tamara Zoner: we didn't have any personal protection gear yet.

00:22:32.296 --> 00:22:39.096

Tamara Zoner: We didn't know much at all about this COVID thing because it was March 17th of 2020.

00:22:39.596 --> 00:22:43.796

Tamara Zoner: And it was all new and none of us really knew anything. And he was coughing.

00:22:44.296 --> 00:22:48.696

Tamara Zoner: And so I'm trying to stay six feet away from him, like the news said to,

00:22:49.616 --> 00:22:53.696

Tamara Zoner: But I'm walking a resident, you know, up to his apartment.

00:22:54.116 --> 00:22:57.156

Tamara Zoner: I have to take an elevator with him because he can't do the stairs.

00:22:58.394 --> 00:23:03.094

Tamara Zoner: To the third floor. And that was a Monday. And by Friday, I had symptoms.

00:23:04.414 --> 00:23:06.354

Tamara Zoner: Two weeks later, that resident passed away.

00:23:06.554 --> 00:23:07.134

Kevin Lowe: Oh, wow.

00:23:07.694 --> 00:23:12.074

Tamara Zoner: Yeah. And because it was so new, of course, I didn't go to work.

00:23:12.234 --> 00:23:15.034

Tamara Zoner: I didn't know. They weren't giving tests to young, healthy people.

00:23:15.454 --> 00:23:17.954

Tamara Zoner: So I had a fever. I wasn't going to work.

00:23:18.834 --> 00:23:24.494

Tamara Zoner: So I had some time. I had still been coaching and doing the passion testing on the side now and then.

00:23:24.974 --> 00:23:28.574

Tamara Zoner: And it was still in my heart that that's what I wanted to be doing full-time.

00:23:28.854 --> 00:23:34.914

Tamara Zoner: But I was struggling, too, to find a way to make it more accessible to people.

00:23:35.134 --> 00:23:36.634

Tamara Zoner: Passion is kind of airy-fairy.

00:23:37.034 --> 00:23:41.234

Tamara Zoner: And people think, oh, well, yes, but I'm supposed to be doing this other stuff.

00:23:41.354 --> 00:23:42.354

Tamara Zoner: So I have responsibilities.

00:23:42.834 --> 00:23:46.294

Tamara Zoner: Passion is a luxury. That is not true, my friends. Nevertheless,

00:23:46.734 --> 00:23:49.054

Tamara Zoner: I honor that belief when it's out there.

00:23:49.294 --> 00:23:53.854

Tamara Zoner: But there was this happiness training. I had read the book, Happy for No Reason.

00:23:54.634 --> 00:23:59.194

Tamara Zoner: Years ago, as I was trying to find my way back to myself and gain that courage

00:23:59.194 --> 00:24:00.714

Tamara Zoner: and confidence to leave my marriage.

00:24:01.374 --> 00:24:05.994

Tamara Zoner: And I had seen Marcy Shymoff in the movie, The Secret, which is really a one-on-one

00:24:05.994 --> 00:24:07.054

Tamara Zoner: don't take it to heart people.

00:24:07.334 --> 00:24:12.414

Tamara Zoner: It's just a primer about, you know, manifestation and changing your life and

00:24:12.414 --> 00:24:14.054

Tamara Zoner: creating what you want and all of that.

00:24:14.554 --> 00:24:23.394

Tamara Zoner: And her ads kept popping up in my feed and in my email while I was sick from COVID.

00:24:25.354 --> 00:24:28.754

Tamara Zoner: So I clicked the links as you do.

00:24:28.994 --> 00:24:32.814

Tamara Zoner: And there was her training, her happiness, happy for no reason,

00:24:32.974 --> 00:24:34.914

Tamara Zoner: certification training to become a happiness trainer.

00:24:35.094 --> 00:24:40.714

Tamara Zoner: And I, it all just made sense to me. This was a really science backed approach

00:24:40.714 --> 00:24:45.294

Tamara Zoner: to happiness where she had interviewed experts in the field.

00:24:45.294 --> 00:24:49.854

Tamara Zoner: She had interviewed the happiest people she knew. And then she'd taken all of

00:24:49.854 --> 00:24:55.914

Tamara Zoner: it, science plus personal stories, and put it together in one place with happy for no reason.

00:24:56.154 --> 00:25:02.034

Tamara Zoner: So I went through her training. And I love it so much because it is really grounded in research.

00:25:02.254 --> 00:25:08.174

Tamara Zoner: And I'm a Capricorn, and I'm an academic, and I like grounded scientific research

00:25:08.174 --> 00:25:11.974

Tamara Zoner: and evidence paired with anything is possible.

00:25:12.874 --> 00:25:14.714

Tamara Zoner: Manifestation, we can create what we want.

00:25:16.174 --> 00:25:19.634

Tamara Zoner: So I decided to go through

00:25:19.634 --> 00:25:22.474

Tamara Zoner: that training and then I as we opened up a

00:25:22.474 --> 00:25:27.214

Tamara Zoner: little bit more and more and residents whenever there was were no cases of COVID

00:25:27.214 --> 00:25:30.994

Tamara Zoner: in the building then I could have small groups together I could have up to 10

00:25:30.994 --> 00:25:36.254

Tamara Zoner: residents at a time in this large lecture room that we had all spaced out but

00:25:36.254 --> 00:25:40.754

Tamara Zoner: I couldn't hire anybody and one of our our pillars was lifelong learning,

00:25:41.334 --> 00:25:45.134

Tamara Zoner: And so normally I had art lectures and history lectures and all these wonderful

00:25:45.134 --> 00:25:50.434

Tamara Zoner: things and people come in, but nobody could come in. So I started giving happiness lectures.

00:25:52.353 --> 00:25:57.193

Tamara Zoner: I thought, why not practice on them to practice my own speaking skills,

00:25:57.333 --> 00:26:02.013

Tamara Zoner: to really learn this material and the research and, and then share something that could work.

00:26:02.113 --> 00:26:07.713

Tamara Zoner: Why have I been keeping my coaching self so separate from my director of life

00:26:07.713 --> 00:26:11.973

Tamara Zoner: enrichment self when really it's all me and it's all good for them.

00:26:12.153 --> 00:26:19.033

Tamara Zoner: So I started giving these lectures and almost all of my 130 residents eventually went through it.

00:26:19.213 --> 00:26:22.573

Tamara Zoner: I taught it week after week, after week, after week, after week.

00:26:22.973 --> 00:26:27.353

Tamara Zoner: And I had multiple residents tell me that I changed their lives.

00:26:28.393 --> 00:26:35.253

Tamara Zoner: One specifically who said, Tamara, I've been so depressed and I didn't like

00:26:35.253 --> 00:26:38.373

Tamara Zoner: the way medicine made me feel. I didn't like taking the pills.

00:26:38.613 --> 00:26:42.413

Tamara Zoner: I couldn't see a way out of my depression, but you gave me a way out.

00:26:44.233 --> 00:26:47.493

Tamara Zoner: Through practicing skills of happiness.

00:26:47.573 --> 00:26:53.413

Tamara Zoner: And I thought, oh my gosh, I can't just keep this in the doors of the senior community.

00:26:53.753 --> 00:27:00.393

Tamara Zoner: It's time for me to go full-time. And now I felt like I had a tangible way to reach more people.

00:27:00.633 --> 00:27:04.733

Tamara Zoner: And I also had another really good tax return.

00:27:06.013 --> 00:27:10.533

Tamara Zoner: So I had a little bit of a cushion that would get me through a few months of

00:27:10.533 --> 00:27:12.273

Tamara Zoner: not having a steady paycheck.

00:27:13.233 --> 00:27:19.773

Tamara Zoner: And I took the chance. I took the chance because I know now that the how is none of my business.

00:27:20.033 --> 00:27:25.833

Tamara Zoner: My attention is to be on the what I want to create. And then I take action toward it.

00:27:26.253 --> 00:27:30.653

Tamara Zoner: And the how shows up. That's the inspiration part, right? I've got the grit.

00:27:31.673 --> 00:27:39.333

Tamara Zoner: There's some grace involved. And then I take inspired action and life unfolds better and better.

00:27:39.813 --> 00:27:43.973

Tamara Zoner: And that doesn't mean it's without challenges or hard times or frustrating moments.

00:27:43.973 --> 00:27:48.513

Tamara Zoner: But that's why I love this practice of happiness so much.

00:27:48.613 --> 00:27:56.053

Tamara Zoner: Because if we simply tap into checking our mindsets, questioning our thoughts, this is huge.

00:27:56.193 --> 00:28:00.193

Tamara Zoner: Most people don't. We have 60,000 thoughts a day on average.

00:28:00.893 --> 00:28:04.693

Tamara Zoner: 95% of them are repeated day after day after day. I'm stuck.

00:28:04.793 --> 00:28:07.153

Tamara Zoner: I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I can't, I can't, I can't.

00:28:07.593 --> 00:28:13.093

Tamara Zoner: 80% of them are negative. But if we take a breath and create the space to question

00:28:13.093 --> 00:28:14.273

Tamara Zoner: those thoughts, is that true?

00:28:15.393 --> 00:28:17.533

Tamara Zoner: What does that belief serve me?

00:28:18.693 --> 00:28:22.893

Tamara Zoner: What I'm thinking negative, all these negatives, like what are some positives?

00:28:23.013 --> 00:28:26.013

Tamara Zoner: What's actually good in my life right now? We turn to a little bit of gratitude.

00:28:26.093 --> 00:28:27.713

Tamara Zoner: We start practicing that.

00:28:28.193 --> 00:28:32.533

Tamara Zoner: And slowly we shift toward more authentically positive.

00:28:34.124 --> 00:28:34.584

Kevin Lowe: Hmm.

00:28:35.224 --> 00:28:39.204

Tamara Zoner: I don't believe in fake it. I don't believe in fake or toxic positivity.

00:28:39.484 --> 00:28:42.864

Tamara Zoner: I believe that you, every one of us has something good in our lives,

00:28:43.044 --> 00:28:44.924

Tamara Zoner: no matter how hard it feels right now.

00:28:45.404 --> 00:28:51.344

Tamara Zoner: And if we can just put more attention on that, then that's what grows stronger.

00:28:51.504 --> 00:28:59.504

Tamara Zoner: That feeling, that open path, that what can I do instead of what can't I do?

00:29:00.084 --> 00:29:02.144

Tamara Zoner: That's how we make changes in our lives.

00:29:02.384 --> 00:29:05.884

Kevin Lowe: Wow. You referenced the term like skill.

00:29:06.464 --> 00:29:17.444

Kevin Lowe: Now, do you view happiness itself is a skill or that there's skills involved to achieve happiness?

00:29:18.184 --> 00:29:23.104

Tamara Zoner: Yeah, there are skills involved in experiencing happiness.

00:29:23.104 --> 00:29:27.144

Tamara Zoner: And I don't think it's anything anyone has to achieve because if you really

00:29:27.144 --> 00:29:31.264

Tamara Zoner: look at your life, your day, you've had some moments of happiness, right?

00:29:31.264 --> 00:29:37.984

Tamara Zoner: It's not someplace to get to, but there are practical skills that help us build

00:29:37.984 --> 00:29:43.904

Tamara Zoner: feelings of happiness so that we feel more content,

00:29:44.304 --> 00:29:51.144

Tamara Zoner: more joy, happier, more often than we feel that the stuff we want to avoid,

00:29:51.384 --> 00:29:55.204

Tamara Zoner: the negatives, but it's all important, right? It's all part of this human experience.

00:29:55.724 --> 00:30:01.064

Tamara Zoner: And one of the things that I love to teach people is how to actually gently

00:30:01.064 --> 00:30:06.524

Tamara Zoner: lean into those uncomfortable feelings that we don't want to have and to honor

00:30:06.524 --> 00:30:09.284

Tamara Zoner: those too, because that's where we can grow.

00:30:09.644 --> 00:30:16.964

Tamara Zoner: You know, if we talk everything under the rug, it gets pretty lumpy and suddenly

00:30:16.964 --> 00:30:18.904

Tamara Zoner: it hurts to walk over that part of the floor.

00:30:19.464 --> 00:30:21.644

Tamara Zoner: Eventually, we're going to have to do something.

00:30:22.544 --> 00:30:29.264

Tamara Zoner: If we are willing and courageous enough to start to gently lean into any uncomfortable

00:30:29.264 --> 00:30:32.104

Tamara Zoner: emotion, then we never are sweeping stuff under the rug.

00:30:32.564 --> 00:30:37.324

Tamara Zoner: There's no big, big cleaning job that needs to happen because we're maintaining.

00:30:38.704 --> 00:30:42.044

Kevin Lowe: Wow. I love it so very much.

00:30:42.044 --> 00:30:48.144

Kevin Lowe: The whole thing of happiness, I guess the next thing is, is we continue to pick

00:30:48.144 --> 00:30:56.884

Kevin Lowe: your mind around this whole thing of happiness is we, we talked earlier about fun, but what about,

00:30:57.164 --> 00:31:02.024

Kevin Lowe: is there a difference do you feel between say happiness,

00:31:02.484 --> 00:31:04.104

Kevin Lowe: fun, and joy? Yeah.

00:31:05.065 --> 00:31:06.765

Kevin Lowe: Or are they all one in the same?

00:31:07.405 --> 00:31:12.005

Tamara Zoner: I think they're all linked. I think that they're all variations of happiness

00:31:12.005 --> 00:31:13.445

Tamara Zoner: or contentedness, right?

00:31:13.705 --> 00:31:23.105

Tamara Zoner: So we can be overarchingly happy, but not necessarily feeling big moments of joy every moment.

00:31:23.565 --> 00:31:26.405

Tamara Zoner: Or we could feel content, right?

00:31:26.525 --> 00:31:31.585

Tamara Zoner: Like the definition that I still use today for happiness comes from Marcy Shymoff's

00:31:31.585 --> 00:31:35.545

Tamara Zoner: book, Happy for No Reason. And it is an inner sense of peace and well-being

00:31:35.545 --> 00:31:37.745

Tamara Zoner: that doesn't depend on circumstances.

00:31:38.045 --> 00:31:41.685

Tamara Zoner: So this inner sense of peace and well-being. And that doesn't mean we're always

00:31:41.685 --> 00:31:44.985

Tamara Zoner: just like skipping and laughing and having so much fun.

00:31:45.545 --> 00:31:52.665

Tamara Zoner: It also means that sometimes we're just neutrally content, like at ease, fulfilled.

00:31:53.905 --> 00:31:57.325

Tamara Zoner: And when the harder stuff hits

00:31:57.325 --> 00:32:01.185

Tamara Zoner: then we have resources to

00:32:01.185 --> 00:32:04.365

Tamara Zoner: move through them more easily and efficiently than

00:32:04.365 --> 00:32:07.165

Tamara Zoner: maybe we used to maybe we used to get stuck in the

00:32:07.165 --> 00:32:15.085

Tamara Zoner: down the fear the scarcity the lack the pain now if we have practiced the skills

00:32:15.085 --> 00:32:25.305

Tamara Zoner: of happiness we can move through the hard stuff much more quickly and get back to, oh, I'm okay.

00:32:25.525 --> 00:32:30.965

Tamara Zoner: And then when we're in that, I'm okay. It's easier to access feelings of joy.

00:32:31.165 --> 00:32:36.905

Tamara Zoner: It's easier to lean into having some fun. If I'm miserable and I'm stuck there

00:32:36.905 --> 00:32:41.765

Tamara Zoner: and someone invites me to do something fun, I'll probably decline so that I

00:32:41.765 --> 00:32:43.405

Tamara Zoner: can stay in my misery. Right.

00:32:44.805 --> 00:32:46.105

Tamara Zoner: But if I'm,

00:32:47.304 --> 00:32:52.864

Tamara Zoner: fluid in my emotional states and willing to pass through and experience all

00:32:52.864 --> 00:32:56.564

Tamara Zoner: of it, then if someone invites me to something that sounds fun,

00:32:56.724 --> 00:33:00.264

Tamara Zoner: I'm more likely to say, okay, yeah, I'll try that.

00:33:00.984 --> 00:33:07.584

Tamara Zoner: I deserve fun. I welcome fun. A lot of us don't even feel like we deserve to

00:33:07.584 --> 00:33:11.644

Tamara Zoner: be having fun or joy because we should be doing something else.

00:33:13.224 --> 00:33:16.284

Tamara Zoner: So I like to say bite-sized chunks

00:33:16.284 --> 00:33:19.304

Tamara Zoner: are the key to big transformations so baby

00:33:19.304 --> 00:33:22.424

Tamara Zoner: steps create big change so if you

00:33:22.424 --> 00:33:29.444

Tamara Zoner: were feeling like there isn't any fun or you should be doing something responsible

00:33:29.444 --> 00:33:36.624

Tamara Zoner: maybe you just take a bite of a little fun maybe you just uh skip through your

00:33:36.624 --> 00:33:40.464

Tamara Zoner: living room or do I love Monty Python.

00:33:40.744 --> 00:33:45.964

Tamara Zoner: So I had one client to access his sense of fun.

00:33:46.444 --> 00:33:50.284

Tamara Zoner: I invited him every time he had to get up to the... He worked from home.

00:33:50.424 --> 00:33:53.884

Tamara Zoner: So every time he had to get up to go to the bathroom or get a cup of water or

00:33:53.884 --> 00:33:55.564

Tamara Zoner: a snack, he had to do a silly walk.

00:33:58.924 --> 00:34:05.204

Tamara Zoner: That was his assignment for the week. And just something so simple brought him joy in those moments.

00:34:05.384 --> 00:34:08.484

Tamara Zoner: He's getting up grumbling because his workday is hard. But then he's like,

00:34:08.544 --> 00:34:11.664

Tamara Zoner: oh, yeah, I have to do a silly walk. And he does a silly walk as he walks to

00:34:11.664 --> 00:34:13.364

Tamara Zoner: the kitchen. And now he's laughing.

00:34:14.064 --> 00:34:14.264

Kevin Lowe: Yeah.

00:34:14.684 --> 00:34:17.264

Tamara Zoner: It takes no time at all. It's nothing extra.

00:34:18.484 --> 00:34:27.624

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I love that. Now, do you believe that some people are naturally,

00:34:27.624 --> 00:34:30.764

Kevin Lowe: say, more happier than others?

00:34:30.764 --> 00:34:39.264

Kevin Lowe: And therefore, this whole idea of kind of being happy, having happiness is easier

00:34:39.264 --> 00:34:40.784

Kevin Lowe: for some than it is for others.

00:34:42.605 --> 00:34:45.985

Tamara Zoner: Yes, I actually do. And also the science backs that up.

00:34:46.145 --> 00:34:52.145

Tamara Zoner: So we have what researchers have started calling a happiness set point.

00:34:52.905 --> 00:34:59.165

Tamara Zoner: And if I set my living room thermostat at 70 degrees, no matter how hot or how

00:34:59.165 --> 00:35:01.185

Tamara Zoner: cold it gets outside, it's going to stay at 70.

00:35:01.505 --> 00:35:03.625

Tamara Zoner: Maybe my happiness set point is the same.

00:35:03.965 --> 00:35:05.985

Tamara Zoner: My sister's is lower than mine.

00:35:07.185 --> 00:35:11.525

Tamara Zoner: I think I came in with a pretty high happiness set point, which is why I was

00:35:11.525 --> 00:35:15.485

Tamara Zoner: able to recognize when I was so unhappy and go, wait a second,

00:35:15.485 --> 00:35:16.905

Tamara Zoner: I wasn't always this way.

00:35:17.065 --> 00:35:23.145

Tamara Zoner: So yes, some people have a lower set point than others and it's not fixed.

00:35:23.825 --> 00:35:29.265

Tamara Zoner: We can crank it up. We can turn up the happiness heat through the practices

00:35:29.265 --> 00:35:33.465

Tamara Zoner: and the skills of happiness, through checking your mindset, through opening

00:35:33.465 --> 00:35:35.745

Tamara Zoner: your heart and forgiving instead of holding on to resentment,

00:35:36.165 --> 00:35:39.625

Tamara Zoner: through taking care of your physical body with sleep and food and exercise,

00:35:39.625 --> 00:35:42.965

Tamara Zoner: through all these different seven main areas of happiness.

00:35:42.965 --> 00:35:48.365

Tamara Zoner: If we give our attention and start taking care of ourselves in those areas,

00:35:48.365 --> 00:35:50.085

Tamara Zoner: those are the skills we practice, right?

00:35:50.245 --> 00:35:54.585

Tamara Zoner: We actually can change our neurology to be happier.

00:35:54.765 --> 00:35:58.425

Tamara Zoner: So we create neural pathways every time we do something new and we strengthen

00:35:58.425 --> 00:36:01.005

Tamara Zoner: those neural pathways every time we repeat something.

00:36:01.245 --> 00:36:06.645

Tamara Zoner: So most of us have really, really strong negative neural pathways, right?

00:36:06.965 --> 00:36:11.605

Tamara Zoner: And that served us. That's why we evolved into this cozy, comfy civilization

00:36:11.605 --> 00:36:15.445

Tamara Zoner: that most of us experience instead of living in caves and on rocks and running

00:36:15.445 --> 00:36:16.545

Tamara Zoner: away from saber-toothed tigers.

00:36:17.759 --> 00:36:21.079

Tamara Zoner: We were aware of the dangers, the brain pays attention to them so we can get

00:36:21.079 --> 00:36:22.859

Tamara Zoner: away from them fast or avoid them in the future.

00:36:23.159 --> 00:36:28.479

Tamara Zoner: Our brain hasn't evolved like civilization has. So our brain is still reacting

00:36:28.479 --> 00:36:30.079

Tamara Zoner: as if everything's an emergency.

00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:35.819

Tamara Zoner: And if we do nothing, if we just sleepwalk through life, like I think a lot

00:36:35.819 --> 00:36:38.539

Tamara Zoner: of people do, then that's how we'll live.

00:36:39.479 --> 00:36:45.619

Tamara Zoner: But if we take action to create more conscious awareness in our lives,

00:36:45.739 --> 00:36:50.699

Tamara Zoner: in ourselves, then we can say, well, wait, I'm actually going to practice the

00:36:50.699 --> 00:36:53.839

Tamara Zoner: skill of paying attention to what's good around me.

00:36:53.979 --> 00:36:58.139

Tamara Zoner: So I'm going to stop right now and look around me and find three things that

00:36:58.139 --> 00:36:59.899

Tamara Zoner: are good. Three positives.

00:37:00.359 --> 00:37:04.279

Tamara Zoner: Like the dog is sleeping peacefully. The sun is shining through the window,

00:37:04.459 --> 00:37:06.939

Tamara Zoner: lighting up my plant. And oh, look, my plant has new growth.

00:37:07.139 --> 00:37:08.319

Tamara Zoner: I love that. That's great.

00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:13.599

Tamara Zoner: Three good things right there. strengthening neural pathways toward the positive.

00:37:13.999 --> 00:37:20.439

Tamara Zoner: And what we want to do and what happier people have done is exercise the positive

00:37:20.439 --> 00:37:26.319

Tamara Zoner: neural pathways. We've worked them to strengthen them. So now they're stronger than the negative.

00:37:27.619 --> 00:37:33.499

Kevin Lowe: Amazing. So powerful. I guess I'm listening to you and I'm like,

00:37:33.739 --> 00:37:38.099

Kevin Lowe: wow, I never knew there was so much involved in happiness.

00:37:40.519 --> 00:37:45.259

Tamara Zoner: And I love that awareness because that's the problem. I think most people don't

00:37:45.259 --> 00:37:48.959

Tamara Zoner: realize it's anything we're supposed to work at, but it really is.

00:37:49.059 --> 00:37:53.739

Tamara Zoner: If we want to feel good, we have to put effort forth into feeling good.

00:37:53.879 --> 00:37:59.519

Tamara Zoner: I made a cute little meme one time about it, that misery is easy.

00:37:59.779 --> 00:38:02.059

Tamara Zoner: It's happiness that takes effort.

00:38:03.299 --> 00:38:06.759

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, it is. I agree. I agree 100%.

00:38:06.759 --> 00:38:09.739

Kevin Lowe: Now with all of this

00:38:09.739 --> 00:38:12.519

Kevin Lowe: just bomb of knowledge you've dropped in

00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:19.139

Kevin Lowe: our lap about happiness tell me what exactly are you doing today kind of fast

00:38:19.139 --> 00:38:24.659

Kevin Lowe: forwarding in this journey we we we talked about the last time that you were

00:38:24.659 --> 00:38:28.239

Kevin Lowe: still working with the seniors and then you you realized you had to take this

00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:31.319

Kevin Lowe: show on the road and so where has it led to

00:38:32.325 --> 00:38:37.785

Tamara Zoner: So today I speak and coach almost full-time, however much I want to.

00:38:38.225 --> 00:38:43.765

Tamara Zoner: And I have private clients, group clients. And this year I did my first retreat.

00:38:44.125 --> 00:38:49.085

Tamara Zoner: It was amazing. So I'm repeating it in 2025. In May, 2025, I'll be doing a radiant

00:38:49.085 --> 00:38:53.105

Tamara Zoner: happiness retreat right here in beautiful, pure Michigan.

00:38:53.105 --> 00:38:59.425

Tamara Zoner: And it's something I love to do so much is to really help people build the skills

00:38:59.425 --> 00:39:04.265

Tamara Zoner: to be happier, to be more loving, kind and compassionate to themselves.

00:39:04.665 --> 00:39:10.985

Tamara Zoner: And so that's what I do primarily. I also have recently taken on yoga teacher training.

00:39:11.125 --> 00:39:15.785

Tamara Zoner: I'm a meditation teacher already and I've been doing yoga for the last 30 years

00:39:15.785 --> 00:39:18.125

Tamara Zoner: and I walked into a studio last October.

00:39:18.125 --> 00:39:24.485

Tamara Zoner: It's been just a year and I haven't left since essentially it's around the corner

00:39:24.485 --> 00:39:28.185

Tamara Zoner: from my house. I started doing my meetups there.

00:39:28.525 --> 00:39:33.205

Tamara Zoner: I run their wellness weekends. So I talk about all of these things in a slightly

00:39:33.205 --> 00:39:39.525

Tamara Zoner: longer format, a workshop format, and teach people the skills and actions and habits of happiness.

00:39:40.125 --> 00:39:45.925

Tamara Zoner: And soon I'll be adding yoga to my tool belts for others so that I can teach

00:39:45.925 --> 00:39:52.125

Tamara Zoner: and guide others in movement as well, because that's such a vital part of our well-being.

00:39:52.425 --> 00:39:55.405

Tamara Zoner: I love it so much. So that's how I play, Kevin.

00:39:55.685 --> 00:40:01.005

Tamara Zoner: I get to help people tap into what makes them feel alive and then teach them

00:40:01.005 --> 00:40:04.085

Tamara Zoner: the skills to back it up so that they can actually create a life they love.

00:40:04.225 --> 00:40:06.885

Tamara Zoner: Now, not like 10 years in the future, but today.

00:40:08.325 --> 00:40:14.185

Kevin Lowe: Well, thank you for segwaying perfectly into my next question because you,

00:40:14.545 --> 00:40:19.025

Kevin Lowe: I guess, is it your brand, But it's called A Life You Love Now.

00:40:20.235 --> 00:40:27.275

Kevin Lowe: And what I wanted to ask when I when I read that is, how do you get that?

00:40:27.775 --> 00:40:30.655

Kevin Lowe: How do you how do you get a life that you love?

00:40:30.855 --> 00:40:36.515

Tamara Zoner: You first have to get clear on what that would look like and feel like for you.

00:40:36.735 --> 00:40:42.415

Tamara Zoner: So that's where the passion test comes into play, is identifying what would

00:40:42.415 --> 00:40:45.675

Tamara Zoner: make you feel really good in your life.

00:40:45.835 --> 00:40:48.735

Tamara Zoner: Like, what do you want your relationships to look like? Like relationships with

00:40:48.735 --> 00:40:50.435

Tamara Zoner: others and relationships with self.

00:40:50.875 --> 00:40:54.435

Tamara Zoner: Most important relationship with self. What do you want your environment to

00:40:54.435 --> 00:40:58.435

Tamara Zoner: look like? Your career, your spiritual relationship, your health,

00:40:58.795 --> 00:41:01.095

Tamara Zoner: your well-being, who do you see in the mirror?

00:41:01.235 --> 00:41:03.755

Tamara Zoner: Do you like them or do you want to like them?

00:41:04.315 --> 00:41:09.415

Tamara Zoner: So we start there and you can love your life now.

00:41:09.575 --> 00:41:13.715

Tamara Zoner: This is why I put the, originally I put the now on the end of that because the

00:41:13.715 --> 00:41:18.275

Tamara Zoner: creative the life you love and a life you love wasn't available as a domain.

00:41:18.795 --> 00:41:25.255

Tamara Zoner: So again, I say it's synchronicity at play, but I added the now and that is

00:41:25.255 --> 00:41:26.915

Tamara Zoner: the thing that impacts most people.

00:41:27.115 --> 00:41:31.615

Tamara Zoner: They say, I really loved the now part because it made it really present because

00:41:31.615 --> 00:41:33.095

Tamara Zoner: you can love your life now.

00:41:33.295 --> 00:41:38.675

Tamara Zoner: You don't have to love every part of your life now, but there are parts of your

00:41:38.675 --> 00:41:40.955

Tamara Zoner: life that you probably love now.

00:41:41.235 --> 00:41:48.915

Tamara Zoner: And when we are mired in the misery, it's harder to see those and feel those, the good stuff.

00:41:49.155 --> 00:41:53.475

Tamara Zoner: And so what I want people to know is that all you have to do is start looking

00:41:53.475 --> 00:41:57.655

Tamara Zoner: for it and you'll start to see it and to feel it.

00:41:57.775 --> 00:42:00.315

Tamara Zoner: And so that now means we're not working.

00:42:00.495 --> 00:42:08.215

Tamara Zoner: We are working on future goals when I work with clients and we're experiencing them now, right now.

00:42:08.415 --> 00:42:14.295

Tamara Zoner: You can smile and you can feel the effects of that right now.

00:42:15.329 --> 00:42:22.529

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I love that so much because that is, it's such a simple word,

00:42:22.669 --> 00:42:28.729

Kevin Lowe: yet it holds such impact of the word now that it can happen right now.

00:42:29.029 --> 00:42:35.409

Kevin Lowe: And I think, if anything, I hope for the person listening today who's maybe

00:42:35.409 --> 00:42:40.289

Kevin Lowe: struggling, that maybe that can give them some hope is that it's not something

00:42:40.289 --> 00:42:43.329

Kevin Lowe: that has to be far off. It can happen right now.

00:42:43.649 --> 00:42:50.209

Kevin Lowe: Yes. Yeah. For somebody who would love to learn more about you and what you

00:42:50.209 --> 00:42:54.409

Kevin Lowe: do and to get plugged in with your world, where can we send them?

00:42:54.529 --> 00:42:57.009

Kevin Lowe: What can we tell them? Give me all the details.

00:42:57.969 --> 00:43:02.309

Tamara Zoner: I play a lot on Facebook and Instagram, so you can find me there.

00:43:02.429 --> 00:43:06.749

Tamara Zoner: And my name is fairly unique. I don't think there's any more than one other

00:43:06.749 --> 00:43:08.149

Tamara Zoner: Tamara's owner in the whole world.

00:43:08.909 --> 00:43:12.169

Tamara Zoner: And she puts everything in Spanish, so that's not me.

00:43:14.549 --> 00:43:18.329

Tamara Zoner: So she probably also pronounces her name differently and you

00:43:18.329 --> 00:43:21.049

Tamara Zoner: can look at tamra's owner.com we'll take you to my website at life

00:43:21.049 --> 00:43:24.469

Tamara Zoner: you love now.com facebook meetup if

00:43:24.469 --> 00:43:27.189

Tamara Zoner: you happen to be local to the detroit metro area i do a

00:43:27.189 --> 00:43:34.809

Tamara Zoner: lot of in-person events i love a good hug so we we meet up a lot in person and

00:43:34.809 --> 00:43:40.249

Tamara Zoner: that's how you can get in touch with me and i do offer a free 30 minute session

00:43:40.249 --> 00:43:44.709

Tamara Zoner: to help people kind of get on their pathway to happiness.

00:43:44.709 --> 00:43:52.989

Tamara Zoner: And you will walk away with a tool today that will help you ask access joy,

00:43:53.329 --> 00:43:57.409

Tamara Zoner: access possibility, access loving your life right now.

00:43:57.829 --> 00:44:00.229

Tamara Zoner: If you're open to it, if you're willing.

00:44:00.909 --> 00:44:05.969

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Amazing. Well, I have just one last question for you today.

00:44:05.969 --> 00:44:12.609

Kevin Lowe: And it's something that I actually thought about while we were talking is say

00:44:12.609 --> 00:44:19.709

Kevin Lowe: that you're working on this yourself about focusing on happiness in creating a happier life.

00:44:20.169 --> 00:44:24.889

Kevin Lowe: How can somebody try to get their

00:44:24.889 --> 00:44:28.749

Kevin Lowe: family involved in this also so that they're not just doing it alone,

00:44:28.749 --> 00:44:35.169

Kevin Lowe: whether they're a single mom and it's their kids or whether it's a couple married and no children?

00:44:35.689 --> 00:44:40.949

Kevin Lowe: Whatever the family dynamic is, is there any advice that you would give to them

00:44:40.949 --> 00:44:43.709

Kevin Lowe: of how to get everybody possibly involved?

00:44:44.429 --> 00:44:48.769

Tamara Zoner: I love that question so much because it is so hard to do it all alone.

00:44:49.907 --> 00:44:55.487

Tamara Zoner: So a couple of different answers for the single parents, get your kids involved,

00:44:56.447 --> 00:44:58.047

Tamara Zoner: invite them to be team players.

00:44:58.227 --> 00:45:03.147

Tamara Zoner: So when I was in all my misery and really realizing that I needed to change

00:45:03.147 --> 00:45:05.287

Tamara Zoner: my life, it was because I was yelling at my kids.

00:45:05.407 --> 00:45:06.667

Tamara Zoner: That was my big indicator of

00:45:06.667 --> 00:45:10.087

Tamara Zoner: I am not okay right now. I'm yelling at these beautiful, precious beings.

00:45:10.627 --> 00:45:13.887

Tamara Zoner: And so one of my first decisions was to stop yelling.

00:45:14.007 --> 00:45:18.327

Tamara Zoner: And when I learned a little bit more, I put my attention on speaking with loving

00:45:18.327 --> 00:45:19.767

Tamara Zoner: kindness to my children.

00:45:20.067 --> 00:45:23.607

Tamara Zoner: And so I asked them to help me with that.

00:45:23.807 --> 00:45:30.887

Tamara Zoner: I said, we're a team and I am trying to, to be kinder and to respond slower

00:45:30.887 --> 00:45:34.807

Tamara Zoner: and not react to you guys when I, when something upsets me. So I'm wondering

00:45:34.807 --> 00:45:36.047

Tamara Zoner: if you could help me with that.

00:45:36.327 --> 00:45:41.007

Tamara Zoner: Here's how you can help. So I gave them specific information. Here's how you can help.

00:45:41.507 --> 00:45:44.107

Tamara Zoner: You could actually do what I asked you to do.

00:45:46.847 --> 00:45:49.707

Tamara Zoner: Right kids you could if you see me

00:45:49.707 --> 00:45:53.087

Tamara Zoner: getting frustrated maybe come and give me a hug you know

00:45:53.087 --> 00:45:57.407

Tamara Zoner: whatever i knew would work for me and my my my oldest was so brilliant at that

00:45:57.407 --> 00:46:01.087

Tamara Zoner: she would see me getting upset with a younger sibling and she would come over

00:46:01.087 --> 00:46:08.827

Tamara Zoner: and hug me and it worked every time but if you don't like that then you give

00:46:08.827 --> 00:46:11.847

Tamara Zoner: them different directions a spouse or a partner or a close friend,

00:46:12.027 --> 00:46:16.247

Tamara Zoner: like accountability is so vital for us. This is why coaches are coaches, right?

00:46:16.427 --> 00:46:20.647

Tamara Zoner: We know how hard it is. I know from personal experience, how hard it is to make

00:46:20.647 --> 00:46:23.947

Tamara Zoner: these big changes and stick with them.

00:46:25.196 --> 00:46:30.576

Tamara Zoner: Alone. It's really hard because the brain loves status quo, even if it doesn't feel good.

00:46:30.876 --> 00:46:34.476

Tamara Zoner: So it's very important to have an accountability partner.

00:46:34.556 --> 00:46:37.676

Tamara Zoner: And if it's your spouse or a close friend, or even a colleague,

00:46:37.856 --> 00:46:41.216

Tamara Zoner: you can say, Hey, I'm, I'm working on this.

00:46:41.436 --> 00:46:44.016

Tamara Zoner: Would you like to work on it together?

00:46:44.396 --> 00:46:48.216

Tamara Zoner: But then get specific and make it tangible and measurable.

00:46:48.536 --> 00:46:54.136

Tamara Zoner: So if I say I'm working on noticing more good in my life.

00:46:54.436 --> 00:46:57.056

Tamara Zoner: Okay. That's, that's great. And that's kind of fluffy.

00:46:57.496 --> 00:47:00.536

Tamara Zoner: So here's the action I'd like to take.

00:47:00.836 --> 00:47:06.056

Tamara Zoner: Oh, every day at four o'clock, could we meet and share, uh, three good things

00:47:06.056 --> 00:47:07.116

Tamara Zoner: from our experience today?

00:47:08.636 --> 00:47:12.836

Tamara Zoner: Okay. So like at my dinner table, every night I ask my family and now I have

00:47:12.836 --> 00:47:14.456

Tamara Zoner: a wonderful partner who is healthy.

00:47:15.376 --> 00:47:19.216

Tamara Zoner: What was the best part of your day? And sometimes they struggle to come up with

00:47:19.216 --> 00:47:22.716

Tamara Zoner: something. And sometimes there's an overflow of, oh, how can I choose just one thing?

00:47:22.976 --> 00:47:26.596

Tamara Zoner: But the whole point is to simply put their attention on something good in their

00:47:26.596 --> 00:47:29.236

Tamara Zoner: day. So we go through reflecting on the day.

00:47:29.596 --> 00:47:33.736

Tamara Zoner: Oh, that was good. My friend made me laugh or somebody held the door open for me.

00:47:33.936 --> 00:47:39.796

Tamara Zoner: Or like last night for me, the gatekeeper at the guard house of my kids when

00:47:39.796 --> 00:47:42.996

Tamara Zoner: they're with their dad, he flirted with me and that was super funny and fun.

00:47:43.376 --> 00:47:49.476

Tamara Zoner: So, you know, it was like, oh, why haven't I seen you around before?

00:47:49.956 --> 00:47:52.576

Tamara Zoner: And I was like, I usually come earlier in the day. And he said,

00:47:52.656 --> 00:47:54.796

Tamara Zoner: well, I get off at 10 since you're here late.

00:47:57.016 --> 00:48:01.456

Tamara Zoner: And it was so cute and sweet and fun. So like just noticing the moments of your

00:48:01.456 --> 00:48:05.996

Tamara Zoner: day that are good and sharing it with your partner or friend or accountability

00:48:05.996 --> 00:48:08.696

Tamara Zoner: partner, whoever that is, and deciding together,

00:48:10.072 --> 00:48:14.152

Tamara Zoner: Even if it's just for five minutes a day, you're going to really put your attention

00:48:14.152 --> 00:48:15.612

Tamara Zoner: on the good stuff in your life.

00:48:15.672 --> 00:48:19.152

Tamara Zoner: Or maybe you're at work and you

00:48:19.152 --> 00:48:24.512

Tamara Zoner: say, hey, I'd like to have a five-minute dance party every day at 1.15.

00:48:24.552 --> 00:48:27.412

Tamara Zoner: Are you in? Will you come dance with me?

00:48:28.092 --> 00:48:32.852

Tamara Zoner: And you do that. It can be so easy. And I really, really feel that the smallest

00:48:32.852 --> 00:48:39.972

Tamara Zoner: actions are the most sustainable because we don't overwhelm our system with a big leap,

00:48:40.192 --> 00:48:45.932

Tamara Zoner: it's really hard for our brains to sustain big change all at once.

00:48:45.932 --> 00:48:51.772

Tamara Zoner: We need to take baby steps to allow our whole nervous system to move along at

00:48:51.772 --> 00:48:54.352

Tamara Zoner: a pace that's comfortable for the subconscious mind.

00:48:54.932 --> 00:48:58.632

Tamara Zoner: Its job is to protect us and it doesn't always work out the way we want it.

00:48:58.792 --> 00:49:04.252

Tamara Zoner: So having a partner in transformation is so important.

00:49:04.352 --> 00:49:07.792

Tamara Zoner: So I'd love that you ask that question. Just tell them what you want.

00:49:08.212 --> 00:49:13.432

Tamara Zoner: Ask them if they're on board and then create a daily action together and then

00:49:13.432 --> 00:49:15.612

Tamara Zoner: hold each other accountable in it.

00:49:16.212 --> 00:49:21.832

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. And, you know, what I picked up on was one of the most simplest things

00:49:21.832 --> 00:49:28.772

Kevin Lowe: that we could possibly do is change up the way we frame our questions is it's

00:49:28.772 --> 00:49:31.312

Kevin Lowe: so common when everybody gets home in the evening,

00:49:31.312 --> 00:49:36.892

Kevin Lowe: you say, oh how was your day and we default to all the negative bad stuff that happened

00:49:37.892 --> 00:49:41.032

Kevin Lowe: instead asking hey what was the best part about your day

00:49:42.301 --> 00:49:44.101

Kevin Lowe: It just flips that script in

00:49:44.101 --> 00:49:48.321

Kevin Lowe: the whole conversation and changes the whole mood. And I just love that.

00:49:48.841 --> 00:49:53.661

Tamara Zoner: I love that. That is one of my favorite things. I'll teach people to ask what's

00:49:53.661 --> 00:49:55.401

Tamara Zoner: good with you instead of how are you?

00:49:56.481 --> 00:49:58.781

Kevin Lowe: Yes. Yes. I love it.

00:49:59.001 --> 00:50:02.361

Tamara Zoner: Immediately framed for the positive. And then people are like, what's good with me?

00:50:05.981 --> 00:50:06.701

Tamara Zoner: It's great.

00:50:07.081 --> 00:50:09.941

Kevin Lowe: Absolutely. Well, my goodness. Well, Tamara,

00:50:10.221 --> 00:50:14.981

Kevin Lowe: it has been an absolute pleasure today to get to hear a little bit about your story,

00:50:15.161 --> 00:50:21.801

Kevin Lowe: but also just to get to soak up some of your amazing wisdom around a subject

00:50:21.801 --> 00:50:26.381

Kevin Lowe: that's so simple, yet so important of happiness.

00:50:27.221 --> 00:50:32.481

Kevin Lowe: And it has been an absolute joy to have you. And so thank you.

00:50:33.181 --> 00:50:38.041

Tamara Zoner: You're so welcome. Thanks for having me. I truly believe that this feeling of

00:50:38.041 --> 00:50:40.321

Tamara Zoner: happiness is accessible to everyone.

00:50:40.581 --> 00:50:44.841

Tamara Zoner: And sometimes it just takes some practice and someone to light the way and say,

00:50:44.881 --> 00:50:48.361

Tamara Zoner: it's possible for you. I know it because I've been miserable.

00:50:48.481 --> 00:50:52.121

Tamara Zoner: And now I'm one of the happiest people I know. And you can be too.

00:50:52.581 --> 00:50:56.201

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, absolutely. Well, for you listening today,

00:50:56.201 --> 00:51:01.541

Kevin Lowe: if you would love to learn more about this amazing woman, And be sure to check

00:51:01.541 --> 00:51:06.001

Kevin Lowe: out today's show notes, where I will leave all the links to everything she mentioned

00:51:06.001 --> 00:51:08.081

Kevin Lowe: so that you can get plugged into her world.

00:51:08.681 --> 00:51:14.721

Kevin Lowe: And hey, if nothing else, I hope you heard today's episode and maybe put a smile

00:51:14.721 --> 00:51:17.601

Kevin Lowe: on your face and maybe try that today.

00:51:17.941 --> 00:51:21.581

Kevin Lowe: Walk around with a smile. People are going to look at you weird and ask what's

00:51:21.581 --> 00:51:25.421

Kevin Lowe: wrong with you, but maybe they also will start smiling.

00:51:25.941 --> 00:51:31.461

Kevin Lowe: And maybe we can start in kind of infecting the world with a little bit of goodness,

00:51:31.741 --> 00:51:34.201

Kevin Lowe: a little happiness. I think it would go a long way.

00:51:34.701 --> 00:51:39.181

Kevin Lowe: So until next episode, I'm Kevin Lowe. And of course, this was another episode

00:51:39.181 --> 00:51:40.841

Kevin Lowe: of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

00:51:40.720 --> 00:52:00.050

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