What would you do if, at just 12 years old, you had to face the harsh truth that you were entirely on your own? What choices would you make to take control of your life and shape your future? In this episode, you’ll hear the extraordinary story of Toktam Thomas, who confronted this reality head-on and made a life-changing decision that set her on a path of resilience, empowerment, and freedom!

HERE FOR THE LINKS?



In a world where many feel trapped by their circumstances, Toktam’s story is a powerful reminder that resilience and self-determination can lead to a brighter future. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a situation that seems impossible to escape, this episode offers hope, inspiration, and practical insights to help you find your own path forward.


What's It All About?

In today's riveting episode we dive deep into the life of Toktam Thomas, a woman who was born in Iran and endured a childhood filled with abuse, neglect, and the harsh realities of a life in constant upheaval. By the age of 12, Toktam faced an unimaginable truth—no one was coming to save her.


Determined not to be a victim of her circumstances, she fought to remove herself from a toxic home environment and eventually found solace in a children's home in Germany. This sanctuary provided her with the stability she needed to rebuild her life.


Toktam's journey from a traumatized child to a resilient, empowered woman is nothing short of remarkable. She’s a living testament to the power of grit, grace, and an unbreakable spirit.


Life-Changing Takeaways:

1. The Power of Self-Determination: Learn how Toktam took control of her life at a young age, showing that even in the darkest times, we can choose our path.

2. Finding Strength in Adversity: Discover how Toktam’s experiences of fleeing a war-torn country and surviving a tumultuous childhood shaped her into a resilient adult.

3. Creating a Life of Purpose: Understand how Toktam transitioned from surviving to thriving by aligning her actions with her deeper purpose, ultimately leading to a life of fulfillment and success.


Ready to be inspired by a story of incredible resilience and transformation? Press play now and join Toktam on her journey from darkness to light!



Hey, it's Kevin!


I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!


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  • Show Notes

    What would you do if, at just 12 years old, you had to face the harsh truth that you were entirely on your own? What choices would you make to take control of your life and shape your future? In this episode, you’ll hear the extraordinary story of Toktam Thomas, who confronted this reality head-on and made a life-changing decision that set her on a path of resilience, empowerment, and freedom!

    HERE FOR THE LINKS?



    In a world where many feel trapped by their circumstances, Toktam’s story is a powerful reminder that resilience and self-determination can lead to a brighter future. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a situation that seems impossible to escape, this episode offers hope, inspiration, and practical insights to help you find your own path forward.


    What's It All About?

    In today's riveting episode we dive deep into the life of Toktam Thomas, a woman who was born in Iran and endured a childhood filled with abuse, neglect, and the harsh realities of a life in constant upheaval. By the age of 12, Toktam faced an unimaginable truth—no one was coming to save her.


    Determined not to be a victim of her circumstances, she fought to remove herself from a toxic home environment and eventually found solace in a children's home in Germany. This sanctuary provided her with the stability she needed to rebuild her life.


    Toktam's journey from a traumatized child to a resilient, empowered woman is nothing short of remarkable. She’s a living testament to the power of grit, grace, and an unbreakable spirit.


    Life-Changing Takeaways:

    1. The Power of Self-Determination: Learn how Toktam took control of her life at a young age, showing that even in the darkest times, we can choose our path.

    2. Finding Strength in Adversity: Discover how Toktam’s experiences of fleeing a war-torn country and surviving a tumultuous childhood shaped her into a resilient adult.

    3. Creating a Life of Purpose: Understand how Toktam transitioned from surviving to thriving by aligning her actions with her deeper purpose, ultimately leading to a life of fulfillment and success.


    Ready to be inspired by a story of incredible resilience and transformation? Press play now and join Toktam on her journey from darkness to light!



    Hey, it's Kevin!


    I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!




    Stay Awesome! Live Inspired!

    © 2024 Grit, Grace, & Inspiration

    Show Transcript

    00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:05.857


    I don't know if it's even possible for you to imagine being a 12-year-old child



    00:00:05.857 --> 00:00:10.597


    and having the realization that no one was coming to save you.



    00:00:10.917 --> 00:00:17.117


    Taktum Thomas, born in Iran and raised in a childhood full of abuse and neglect,



    00:00:17.537 --> 00:00:19.757


    she faced this very realization.



    00:00:20.117 --> 00:00:27.257


    And yet, she would make a courageous decision as just a child to take control



    00:00:27.257 --> 00:00:30.277


    of her life in pursuit of a better life.



    00:00:30.497 --> 00:00:34.057


    Today, you're going to hear the story of Tocqueville Thomas,



    00:00:34.997 --> 00:00:43.797


    a child turned into a woman who did not allow her circumstances to rob her of her chance to thrive.



    00:00:44.157 --> 00:00:49.237


    So if you're ready for a powerful story of resilience, of survival,



    00:00:49.417 --> 00:00:53.417


    and ultimately triumph, then my friend, you've come to the right place.



    00:00:53.597 --> 00:00:56.937


    I welcome you to episode 321.



    00:00:58.777 --> 00:01:02.737


    Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,



    00:01:02.837 --> 00:01:04.677


    they're just doors to better days.



    00:01:04.957 --> 00:01:08.877


    And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.



    00:01:09.017 --> 00:01:12.537


    Your host, Kevin Lowe. He's been flipping the script on his own life,



    00:01:12.737 --> 00:01:17.037


    turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight-up inspiration,



    00:01:17.377 --> 00:01:19.857


    motivation, and encouragement just for you.



    00:01:19.997 --> 00:01:25.357


    So, kick back, relax, and let me introduce you to your host, Kevin Lowe.



    00:01:26.157 --> 00:01:29.797


    What's up, my friend, and welcome back to the podcast.



    00:01:30.237 --> 00:01:35.617


    This is episode 321, my interview with Taktum Thomas.



    00:01:36.577 --> 00:01:43.637


    More importantly, I want you to realize that today's interview, it's a heartfelt story.



    00:01:43.957 --> 00:01:46.257


    It's an empowering story.



    00:01:46.657 --> 00:01:53.417


    And hopefully, it's going to be a source of inspiration, a motivation to you



    00:01:53.417 --> 00:01:59.517


    to never give up on life, even when it may feel like life is giving up on you.



    00:02:00.057 --> 00:02:07.097


    That's the mission of this podcast, and Taktum's life story is a beautiful example of this.



    00:02:07.357 --> 00:02:09.417


    So, my friend, I hope you enjoy.



    00:02:09.757 --> 00:02:14.057


    Here is today's amazing guest, Taktum Thomas.



    00:02:16.237 --> 00:02:22.617


    I was born in 81 in Iran, Persia, Tehran.



    00:02:22.757 --> 00:02:28.237


    And that was, you know, a couple of years, three years after the revolution.



    00:02:28.837 --> 00:02:34.397


    So the Shah had just left and we had dictatorship just come in.



    00:02:35.031 --> 00:02:40.591


    And my parents were just not very happy there. So leaving the country is not



    00:02:40.591 --> 00:02:43.431


    as easy as leaving normal countries.



    00:02:43.531 --> 00:02:48.331


    You have to have a reason or you have to get permit to leave your own country.



    00:02:48.551 --> 00:02:52.431


    So my mom decided, my parents decided they wanted to flee.



    00:02:52.871 --> 00:02:58.331


    They fled first my mom with the three kids when I was about three and a half.



    00:02:58.591 --> 00:03:01.911


    And my siblings are both older. she fled



    00:03:01.911 --> 00:03:05.431


    to go officially on vacation and she



    00:03:05.431 --> 00:03:08.491


    fled through Turkey to get to Germany and my dad stayed



    00:03:08.491 --> 00:03:13.351


    back so they wouldn't be very suspicious about what was happening we left all



    00:03:13.351 --> 00:03:19.211


    the papers everything behind but my mom had a little bit of cash and about six



    00:03:19.211 --> 00:03:25.251


    months later my dad came they left the house everything behind and started a



    00:03:25.251 --> 00:03:26.971


    new life in Germany that's how it started.



    00:03:26.971 --> 00:03:30.391


    Wow. And did you say how old were you when that happened?



    00:03:30.871 --> 00:03:35.231


    I was three and a half. My sister is three years older.



    00:03:35.371 --> 00:03:38.911


    My brother is six years older. So I'm the youngest.



    00:03:39.451 --> 00:03:43.971


    Yeah. So I was going to say, so they probably have much more memory of all of



    00:03:43.971 --> 00:03:45.651


    that than I'm sure that you do.



    00:03:46.231 --> 00:03:49.251


    Yes. I have barely any memory, but



    00:03:49.251 --> 00:03:52.411


    I remember a picture that I saw



    00:03:52.411 --> 00:03:55.691


    of us being in Turkey in the snow it



    00:03:55.691 --> 00:03:59.031


    was just you know that's where they fled through and



    00:03:59.031 --> 00:04:01.931


    I remember just getting being



    00:04:01.931 --> 00:04:05.171


    an immigrant going suddenly to a kindergarten



    00:04:05.171 --> 00:04:11.651


    which is like preschool here and not speaking the language there was a lot of



    00:04:11.651 --> 00:04:16.031


    fear because a fear of the unknown we didn't speak the language my mom didn't



    00:04:16.031 --> 00:04:23.691


    have a job it was just a new situation and I could feel the uncertainty certainty of my mom.



    00:04:23.991 --> 00:04:28.731


    Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I honestly, I can't even imagine.



    00:04:28.931 --> 00:04:34.451


    I can't even imagine as a mother, especially knowing that, I mean,



    00:04:34.471 --> 00:04:39.391


    you have your children to take care of and you're fleeing to not just a new



    00:04:39.391 --> 00:04:41.031


    neighborhood, a whole new country.



    00:04:41.891 --> 00:04:47.291


    Wow. Now, how long would you end up being in Germany?



    00:04:47.751 --> 00:04:51.851


    Until I was, I believe, about 29.



    00:04:52.111 --> 00:04:59.711


    And I didn't really plan on leaving the country. I was very happy from what I knew in Germany.



    00:04:59.911 --> 00:05:04.651


    And so I was studying, my undergrad is in business economics.



    00:05:04.731 --> 00:05:12.891


    I was studying and part of our journey was to do one to go for one exchange



    00:05:12.891 --> 00:05:16.571


    semester somewhere abroad just to pimp up your resume.



    00:05:16.851 --> 00:05:22.571


    And I originally applied to go to South Korea, got a scholarship,



    00:05:22.671 --> 00:05:26.291


    but the government, the North and the South had some trouble,



    00:05:26.351 --> 00:05:28.111


    so I ended up not going there.



    00:05:28.891 --> 00:05:30.471


    And the lottery system...



    00:05:31.367 --> 00:05:36.487


    Of the universities threw me into Southeast Missouri State University in Missouri.



    00:05:36.687 --> 00:05:43.087


    So I was not very excited about that, because I just wanted to explore a little more culture.



    00:05:43.547 --> 00:05:50.167


    And my thought of America was USA was always that it's not very challenging



    00:05:50.167 --> 00:05:54.867


    culturally, I thought it was very similar to what I was living in Germany.



    00:05:55.027 --> 00:06:00.227


    So I was seeking the challenge. But, you know, the universe just threw me into



    00:06:00.227 --> 00:06:01.547


    Missouri. And so I took it.



    00:06:01.747 --> 00:06:06.787


    Yeah. Wow. Well, we'll get back to that once Missouri wanted some questions on that.



    00:06:06.887 --> 00:06:10.187


    But going back on childhood,



    00:06:10.707 --> 00:06:15.767


    talk to me a little bit about your childhood, because I know things were obviously



    00:06:15.767 --> 00:06:19.927


    very challenging because you ended up leaving home when you were,



    00:06:19.927 --> 00:06:22.487


    I think, around 12 years old. Mm-hmm.



    00:06:22.587 --> 00:06:26.247


    Yeah. So it was challenging for my mom to be by herself.



    00:06:26.427 --> 00:06:31.307


    And this is all obviously very from my perspective.



    00:06:31.307 --> 00:06:40.027


    And my mom seemed relatively normal until I realized maybe she's a little more



    00:06:40.027 --> 00:06:42.627


    challenged than other parents. So she was very overwhelmed.



    00:06:42.927 --> 00:06:46.747


    I remember not having any money and being hungry.



    00:06:46.947 --> 00:06:51.067


    And my mom went to the grocery store and filled up the card and said,



    00:06:51.187 --> 00:06:55.107


    basically, I am just going to take this food because my kids are hungry.



    00:06:55.347 --> 00:06:57.567


    And that was the first time the officials got involved.



    00:06:58.127 --> 00:07:04.567


    And my mom did not know that there is a service where she could receive money



    00:07:04.567 --> 00:07:08.787


    at least to pay the bills and have some food. So that's how it started.



    00:07:08.907 --> 00:07:12.987


    We started basically at the bottom, not being at the bottom in Iran.



    00:07:13.207 --> 00:07:15.867


    My mom came from a family. They had some money.



    00:07:16.167 --> 00:07:22.967


    So starting from scratch and feeling the pain of being basically on the very



    00:07:22.967 --> 00:07:29.207


    bottom, having no money, no clothes, not living fancy, not speaking the language, not having work.



    00:07:29.487 --> 00:07:35.087


    That was some pain that we had to go through as a family, especially my mom.



    00:07:35.087 --> 00:07:38.707


    And then once my dad came, he brought a little bit more money.



    00:07:38.847 --> 00:07:42.127


    But my dad was always very physically abusive.



    00:07:42.687 --> 00:07:48.607


    So they tried again to live together in Germany, but decided after about six



    00:07:48.607 --> 00:07:52.967


    months or a year that they need to get divorced. And so they got divorced.



    00:07:53.287 --> 00:07:59.707


    My dad moved out. I remember as a child, the divorce, it was very ugly.



    00:07:59.907 --> 00:08:05.547


    So my parents did not get along and my mom was always talking bad about my dad.



    00:08:05.987 --> 00:08:11.307


    And it was challenging for us to know where to go, where to belong,



    00:08:11.687 --> 00:08:15.307


    what's right and what's wrong. In the end, we ended up with my mom.



    00:08:15.647 --> 00:08:22.087


    And my mom got together with a man who brought drugs and alcohol into our household.



    00:08:22.387 --> 00:08:25.447


    So by that time I was about four and a half, five.



    00:08:26.146 --> 00:08:33.606


    And so my mom was occupied with this man and entirely kind of forgot about raising her children.



    00:08:33.646 --> 00:08:36.406


    She was escaping into drugs and alcohol.



    00:08:36.606 --> 00:08:41.146


    It just felt, she finally felt a relief because she was, I think,



    00:08:41.166 --> 00:08:45.106


    just very challenged all of her life. And she found an escape.



    00:08:45.466 --> 00:08:50.726


    And I raised myself, I mean, from getting up in the morning, getting ready.



    00:08:50.726 --> 00:08:55.666


    If we had breakfast at home, eating breakfast, walking 10 minutes to the bus



    00:08:55.666 --> 00:08:59.406


    station, taking the bus, walking another 20 minutes to school,



    00:08:59.686 --> 00:09:04.986


    going to school, doing homework, coming back, so on and so forth.



    00:09:05.106 --> 00:09:10.626


    So I basically did everything by myself as long as I can remember,



    00:09:10.846 --> 00:09:12.406


    getting up in the morning.



    00:09:12.506 --> 00:09:15.366


    And then at some point she started working as a nurse.



    00:09:15.546 --> 00:09:20.106


    She learned the language and her papers got translated. So she started working



    00:09:20.106 --> 00:09:25.506


    as a nurse and then she was working night shifts as well.



    00:09:25.546 --> 00:09:27.866


    So I was barely seeing my mom.



    00:09:28.006 --> 00:09:31.466


    She was between work and intoxicated, basically.



    00:09:32.214 --> 00:09:35.734


    And so it was just not a good situation to live in.



    00:09:35.914 --> 00:09:38.854


    And I always kept everything to myself.



    00:09:39.014 --> 00:09:44.474


    I was raised to be very loyal and not say anything.



    00:09:44.614 --> 00:09:50.414


    So I didn't say ever anything. And I more and more distrusted my family.



    00:09:50.574 --> 00:09:53.914


    More and more, I saw that things were not going right.



    00:09:54.074 --> 00:09:59.494


    I started having different friends, started smoking, started trying to find



    00:09:59.494 --> 00:10:01.814


    some love and attention in a new friend circle.



    00:10:02.214 --> 00:10:08.614


    And I just basically disconnected from my family because I saw that they didn't



    00:10:08.614 --> 00:10:10.294


    have really what I wanted.



    00:10:10.514 --> 00:10:14.494


    My mom was not living the life I wanted. She was very toxic at home,



    00:10:14.654 --> 00:10:18.754


    constantly talking down onto us. There was barely food around.



    00:10:19.294 --> 00:10:21.054


    Nobody was really cooking.



    00:10:21.634 --> 00:10:26.674


    There was just everything was lacking. Love, food, attention,



    00:10:27.094 --> 00:10:28.714


    everything was lacking.



    00:10:28.814 --> 00:10:35.234


    She was just so in her own world and in her own pain. She was raised in trauma herself.



    00:10:35.614 --> 00:10:38.134


    She was trying to get some help from my dad.



    00:10:38.874 --> 00:10:44.294


    And my dad doesn't know any other language, but being very aggressive and physically



    00:10:44.294 --> 00:10:49.454


    abusive. So that was just pushing me even further out from the family.



    00:10:49.654 --> 00:10:54.534


    And at this point, I'm barely coming home, always sleeping somewhere,



    00:10:55.054 --> 00:10:59.894


    smoking, experimenting with drugs, and I'm not even 10.



    00:10:59.894 --> 00:11:05.814


    And the new friend circle that I had found, they gave me love and attention



    00:11:05.814 --> 00:11:09.534


    and they were much older than I was, somewhere between, I don't know,



    00:11:09.614 --> 00:11:13.494


    like four to six to 10 years older.



    00:11:13.494 --> 00:11:18.454


    And one day, I mean, they kind of introduced me.



    00:11:18.494 --> 00:11:22.274


    There were a lot of boys that introduced me to kissing and touching.



    00:11:23.194 --> 00:11:29.274


    And they were just boys that were at an age where sex was very interesting to them.



    00:11:29.394 --> 00:11:34.954


    And at some point, two of the boys, they were like two brothers, 16 and 17 years old.



    00:11:35.356 --> 00:11:41.436


    Took it a little bit further and basically took me into a restroom and assaulted me sexually.



    00:11:42.436 --> 00:11:47.976


    And that was, for me personally, the tipping point where just,



    00:11:48.156 --> 00:11:55.456


    it was like an out-of-body experience in which I realized for the second time



    00:11:55.456 --> 00:11:59.696


    in my life, and I can tell you about my first time, that nobody was coming to save me.



    00:11:59.936 --> 00:12:04.896


    Nothing was going to change unless I would take control.



    00:12:05.356 --> 00:12:09.976


    So from that point on, I just made a decision.



    00:12:10.156 --> 00:12:17.676


    And I thought logically to myself, my family cannot show me or give me anything that I desire.



    00:12:17.916 --> 00:12:22.936


    I'm walking down a path that doesn't feel right in my conscience.



    00:12:23.336 --> 00:12:30.376


    And that's where I decided I need to remove myself from my family and I was about age 10.



    00:12:30.676 --> 00:12:35.756


    This is all an approximate because it was also traumatic for me that I just



    00:12:35.756 --> 00:12:38.636


    don't really remember the age gaps.



    00:12:38.796 --> 00:12:41.596


    It's all more or less a guess.



    00:12:42.156 --> 00:12:48.216


    So it was around 10 when I decided I need to remove myself from this family



    00:12:48.216 --> 00:12:50.256


    and from my friend circle.



    00:12:50.636 --> 00:12:56.636


    And so So I did. And I fought. I went to the officials and I fought for about



    00:12:56.636 --> 00:13:01.396


    one and a half, almost two years to be removed from this household,



    00:13:01.676 --> 00:13:04.616


    which was really hard work for me.



    00:13:04.696 --> 00:13:07.196


    It was really me against the world.



    00:13:07.296 --> 00:13:13.856


    And I was still not talking about the drug abuse of my mom at home or the alcohol.



    00:13:13.856 --> 00:13:16.816


    Hall and I was not talking about the sexual assault.



    00:13:16.976 --> 00:13:21.476


    I wasn't talking about anything. I just said, I need to be removed out of this household.



    00:13:21.736 --> 00:13:26.516


    And so they put me after one and a half years into a facility,



    00:13:26.636 --> 00:13:30.636


    which was a transitioning facility to figure out what's going on,



    00:13:30.776 --> 00:13:37.436


    where parents get invited to, and a therapist tried to mitigate basically and



    00:13:37.436 --> 00:13:38.776


    find out what's going on.



    00:13:38.776 --> 00:13:45.476


    So after about six weeks in there, six to eight weeks in that facility,



    00:13:45.756 --> 00:13:52.396


    they decided that I would have to go back home because they wouldn't know what was going on.



    00:13:52.536 --> 00:13:57.596


    And there was not enough evidence that the household was not good for me.



    00:13:57.696 --> 00:14:00.816


    And that was not an option for me.



    00:14:01.396 --> 00:14:08.696


    I had made my mind up. I'm not going to live back home. And this was the only opportunity I saw.



    00:14:08.836 --> 00:14:16.576


    And now it was not working out the way I wanted. So I chose to take my own life.



    00:14:16.916 --> 00:14:22.576


    And I swallowed, I don't even know, 40, 50, 60 pills.



    00:14:23.676 --> 00:14:24.236


    And...



    00:14:25.228 --> 00:14:29.788


    Next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital and they were pumping out my stomach.



    00:14:29.988 --> 00:14:32.228


    And this was before age 12.



    00:14:32.768 --> 00:14:40.908


    And there was this one lady at the hospital that finally in my 12 years said,



    00:14:41.008 --> 00:14:45.808


    I don't care what she's saying, what's going on.



    00:14:46.428 --> 00:14:52.008


    Obviously, there is something going on. A 12-year-old, a 10-year-old doesn't



    00:14:52.008 --> 00:14:56.068


    want to move out of her household and a 12-year-old doesn't want to take her



    00:14:56.068 --> 00:14:57.548


    life if there's nothing going on.



    00:14:57.708 --> 00:15:01.688


    So she's going to be removed and we're going to ask her where she wants to live



    00:15:01.688 --> 00:15:02.948


    and that's where she's going to live.



    00:15:03.268 --> 00:15:09.668


    And there was this one home, children's home that I was very drawn to. It was in the woods.



    00:15:09.768 --> 00:15:13.408


    They had multiple homes. So that's what I chose and that's where I went.



    00:15:14.188 --> 00:15:18.208


    Wow. Yeah. As you tell this story today,



    00:15:18.348 --> 00:15:28.768


    especially now as a mother, do you find it is remarkable as I do that at such



    00:15:28.768 --> 00:15:31.228


    a young age as 10 years old,



    00:15:31.368 --> 00:15:41.328


    that you would have the mindset to even realize like that I have to get out



    00:15:41.328 --> 00:15:44.968


    of here and to find a way into to go through this.



    00:15:44.988 --> 00:15:48.488


    This then year and a half long process to get out.



    00:15:49.108 --> 00:15:51.888


    Like, do you find that as remarkable as I do?



    00:15:52.008 --> 00:15:58.248


    You know, I didn't until people told me I really didn't.



    00:15:58.288 --> 00:16:02.848


    I followed entirely my intuition.



    00:16:03.668 --> 00:16:05.868


    There was a force there.



    00:16:06.585 --> 00:16:10.545


    That just always had my back. Wow. Wow.



    00:16:11.105 --> 00:16:14.805


    What was that year and a half like?



    00:16:14.985 --> 00:16:20.225


    Because, I mean, I would assume your mother knew during that whole time?



    00:16:20.685 --> 00:16:25.845


    Yeah. She knew. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare because I was not having



    00:16:25.845 --> 00:16:30.245


    a home to go back to because now they knew I wanted to move out.



    00:16:30.245 --> 00:16:37.505


    I was between staying sometimes at home, trying to stay with friends,



    00:16:37.685 --> 00:16:40.225


    which their parents were not very excited about having me.



    00:16:40.265 --> 00:16:43.425


    They didn't want to interfere with the situation.



    00:16:43.625 --> 00:16:46.845


    They didn't know what was going on and they respected my mother.



    00:16:47.265 --> 00:16:51.945


    So if I could sleep a night or two here and there, that's what I did.



    00:16:52.045 --> 00:16:55.785


    Sometimes I was just on the streets for a whole night.



    00:16:55.945 --> 00:16:59.905


    It was just a very toxic situation at home that I didn't want to stay in.



    00:16:59.905 --> 00:17:05.325


    And every time I went home, my mom was basically coming down on me with all



    00:17:05.325 --> 00:17:08.165


    the cuss words that you can think of.



    00:17:08.345 --> 00:17:13.425


    And then she called my dad. I was terrified of my dad because he was just physically



    00:17:13.425 --> 00:17:16.585


    so abusive. Sometimes he was home and they were waiting for me.



    00:17:16.945 --> 00:17:22.105


    Sometimes my sister tried to lock the doors so I couldn't leave the house again



    00:17:22.105 --> 00:17:25.145


    because they wouldn't know for how many days I would be gone.



    00:17:25.145 --> 00:17:29.265


    It was a nightmare it was a nightmare wow.



    00:17:32.245 --> 00:17:35.685


    Picking back up where you stopped at,



    00:17:36.374 --> 00:17:42.494


    Talking about the home, the children's home out in the woods. Talk to me about that.



    00:17:42.834 --> 00:17:51.374


    So it was a facility with, I think, like six, seven, eight big homes in the woods.



    00:17:51.514 --> 00:17:54.174


    And they were divided up by age group.



    00:17:54.874 --> 00:18:00.794


    So when I entered that, I went into the group for teenagers that will,



    00:18:00.994 --> 00:18:06.014


    you know, eventually be released into their own apartment and to live on their own.



    00:18:06.374 --> 00:18:12.214


    And I learned many, many lessons there. So when I entered, I was very relieved



    00:18:12.214 --> 00:18:14.234


    because I had a safe place.



    00:18:14.534 --> 00:18:19.114


    Nobody was talking down on me. It wasn't toxic. There was always food.



    00:18:19.214 --> 00:18:21.674


    There was money for clothes, for the hair cutter.



    00:18:22.014 --> 00:18:27.314


    There was support when I needed help with homework. work, we decided to put



    00:18:27.314 --> 00:18:34.354


    me into a school that was, I was before at a very elite high level push, push, push school.



    00:18:34.574 --> 00:18:40.894


    So they put me into a school that was a little more relaxed to calm down my



    00:18:40.894 --> 00:18:45.814


    nerves and to just see what's going on with me first.



    00:18:46.514 --> 00:18:50.994


    And so they took good care of me. And you have your own room within a house.



    00:18:50.994 --> 00:18:54.014


    And there was a kitchen since it was the teenagers group.



    00:18:54.554 --> 00:18:59.074


    Each of us had to cook once a week for the whole group. And we were about,



    00:18:59.094 --> 00:19:01.034


    I don't know, eight to 10 kids.



    00:19:01.554 --> 00:19:05.834


    And it was a good place to be. It was just very peaceful for me.



    00:19:05.894 --> 00:19:09.254


    For the first time, I just didn't, wasn't terrorized at home.



    00:19:09.943 --> 00:19:16.823


    And was able to just come home and have an all I wanted was a normal life. That's all I wanted.



    00:19:17.083 --> 00:19:26.263


    So I loved it there. And so within those four years, I evolved very quickly into a little adult.



    00:19:26.343 --> 00:19:33.323


    And really what that place also taught me, it doesn't matter how bad you think you have it.



    00:19:33.323 --> 00:19:38.523


    But I just saw left and right kids that had it worse than me.



    00:19:38.523 --> 00:19:44.763


    Way, way, way, way, way, way worse to a point it was almost unbearable what



    00:19:44.763 --> 00:19:51.643


    is happening in people's homes that I felt like I needed to leave to make room for somebody else.



    00:19:51.743 --> 00:19:58.023


    It was just heartbreaking to see what especially families are capable of doing.



    00:19:58.023 --> 00:20:05.583


    So I felt in my situation very lucky and was very thankful for my situation



    00:20:05.583 --> 00:20:07.723


    in any way you can think of.



    00:20:07.763 --> 00:20:10.123


    So being in that home, I felt very thankful.



    00:20:10.183 --> 00:20:17.883


    And then seeing that my situation was compared to other people's situations, just a walk in the park.



    00:20:17.983 --> 00:20:21.383


    So I felt all the way through gratitude.



    00:20:21.383 --> 00:20:27.923


    Attitude and when I went in there I made my mind up that I'm not going to be



    00:20:27.923 --> 00:20:34.603


    that child that goes into a children's home ending with making the exact same



    00:20:34.603 --> 00:20:37.163


    mistakes as her parents did.



    00:20:37.323 --> 00:20:44.383


    I made my mind up so I was putting in extra work to have extra good grades to



    00:20:44.383 --> 00:20:45.723


    go back to an elite school.



    00:20:45.923 --> 00:20:48.803


    And at age 16 they said



    00:20:48.803 --> 00:20:51.783


    you if you want you can move into your



    00:20:51.783 --> 00:20:54.883


    own apartment and we're going to assist you like we're



    00:20:54.883 --> 00:21:00.483


    just going to be here for you if you need help until you're 18 but you're going



    00:21:00.483 --> 00:21:03.623


    to pay your own bills you're going to work you're going to just take care of



    00:21:03.623 --> 00:21:09.123


    business yourself but if you need anything we are here and so I moved out by



    00:21:09.123 --> 00:21:11.783


    age 16 into my first own apartment.



    00:21:12.023 --> 00:21:18.183


    And I went to school and I worked on the side. I had nanny jobs and just made it work.



    00:21:18.343 --> 00:21:21.083


    I worked, I don't know, 20 hours a day.



    00:21:21.283 --> 00:21:26.103


    I don't know, school, homework, work, nanny jobs, whatever it took.



    00:21:26.303 --> 00:21:35.663


    And I again felt like the luckiest and happiest person on the planet because I finally had freedom.



    00:21:35.823 --> 00:21:40.903


    I had the choice to do what I wanted and wasn't constantly mirrored back,



    00:21:41.829 --> 00:21:48.809


    What a loser I am. Wow. You said that you had a job as a nanny.



    00:21:49.049 --> 00:21:52.549


    Was that like babysitting young children?



    00:21:53.529 --> 00:21:59.989


    So I had a school. I went to school for social work and part of the school was



    00:21:59.989 --> 00:22:08.249


    going to work like a, do you call it parentheses or like to work at a kindergarten on the side as well.



    00:22:08.249 --> 00:22:11.829


    So I was going to school and then I was working at a kindergarten,



    00:22:12.009 --> 00:22:13.829


    which is here like a preschool.



    00:22:14.389 --> 00:22:20.889


    And during that, I got approached by a family or by a woman who was self-employed



    00:22:20.889 --> 00:22:23.809


    and had twins and the twins were going to that school and she said,



    00:22:23.909 --> 00:22:26.449


    Hey, can you help me out? And I said, sure.



    00:22:26.609 --> 00:22:34.929


    And it ended up being, you know, every almost every day after working there



    00:22:34.929 --> 00:22:38.049


    until about eight, nine, 10 o'clock.



    00:22:38.169 --> 00:22:40.209


    And then I added, she had a friend.



    00:22:40.389 --> 00:22:46.829


    So I added another family to that. that the first family, they were twins.



    00:22:46.909 --> 00:22:50.029


    The girls, when I started with them, they were three years old.



    00:22:50.309 --> 00:22:56.049


    And the second family, they had three kids, which I did more on the weekends for them.



    00:22:56.189 --> 00:23:02.289


    It was more like if they wanted to go out and they had three kids from baby



    00:23:02.289 --> 00:23:06.849


    to I think it was like six or so. Wow.



    00:23:07.429 --> 00:23:13.109


    So I'm going to make another kind of thought here in my own mind.



    00:23:13.409 --> 00:23:20.049


    Again, looking at the person you were of kind of just, again,



    00:23:20.129 --> 00:23:23.809


    how profound it is coming from.



    00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:36.149


    The home life that you had, where you really had no experience of having the parent, having that



    00:23:36.229 --> 00:23:39.949


    love and the fact that now, even at this young age,



    00:23:40.209 --> 00:23:46.309


    you, though, were babysitting and taking care of children.



    00:23:46.429 --> 00:23:48.469


    I find that really fascinating.



    00:23:48.789 --> 00:23:55.229


    It is. I was very drawn to giving something that I didn't have.



    00:23:55.429 --> 00:24:04.969


    And like psychology and generally speaking, sociology, all the intangible things



    00:24:04.969 --> 00:24:07.549


    were always interesting to me.



    00:24:07.609 --> 00:24:10.349


    And I thought I would like to do that and take care,



    00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:16.060


    of other kids or adults in some way mentally and help people.



    00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:17.800


    But I was always drawn to that.



    00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:22.880


    But it all played out. This was not a plan.



    00:24:23.100 --> 00:24:27.480


    It all played out. You know, opportunities create opportunities.



    00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:34.600


    So every time I took a step, it seemed like the universe was just there for me.



    00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:39.420


    So I didn't plan ever on babysitting. It all just happened this way.



    00:24:39.420 --> 00:24:47.300


    And then they were all paying me very well because I was now basically a nanny for two families.



    00:24:47.760 --> 00:24:52.960


    And so everything was working out for me the whole way.



    00:24:53.100 --> 00:24:57.800


    And I'm convinced it's because I was just so full of gratitude,



    00:24:57.980 --> 00:25:02.900


    although it was hard. And there were times where I had 20 bucks for two weeks to eat.



    00:25:03.080 --> 00:25:11.460


    But I was just so relieved to have a normal life and not be in this emotional pain constantly.



    00:25:12.580 --> 00:25:21.540


    Yeah, absolutely. Now, what happens in the system that was there with you,



    00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:24.440


    the children's system? What happened when you turned 18?



    00:25:25.060 --> 00:25:30.520


    They were just not basically responsible for me anymore. But by that time, I didn't need them.



    00:25:30.560 --> 00:25:34.340


    So in the beginning, they help you find an apartment, they co-sign,



    00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:40.940


    they help you with furniture picking, and just everything like,



    00:25:41.060 --> 00:25:44.020


    do you know how to cook? Are you sure? Do you know the paperwork?



    00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:48.200


    All the bureaucracy that comes with it.



    00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:51.620


    And in the beginning they just are



    00:25:51.620 --> 00:25:54.960


    very connected to you up to for me



    00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.080


    it was two years up to when they say basically



    00:25:58.080 --> 00:26:02.960


    you're you're ready to run on your own i think in the end maybe i had a phone



    00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:08.460


    call every six months or so there was somebody i could call who was responsible



    00:26:08.460 --> 00:26:15.020


    for me but i just didn't need them anymore because I was just running the show myself. Yeah.



    00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:22.960


    Wow. Wow. Wow. You, again, I just, I just think to myself of,



    00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:29.020


    again, how remarkable you were as just a child being forced to grow up so quickly.



    00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:33.240


    The idea of at 16, basically being on your own.



    00:26:33.940 --> 00:26:38.260


    Talk to me a little bit about school, education.



    00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:45.760


    Where did you go after high school into college? What direction did you end up taking?



    00:26:46.320 --> 00:26:50.840


    Well, Germany is a little bit different than here. Here, it seems like you just



    00:26:50.840 --> 00:26:52.980


    go to college and then you figure it out.



    00:26:54.320 --> 00:26:58.000


    Or you don't go to college and then you're basically doomed.



    00:26:58.997 --> 00:27:04.577


    To do like a $8 an hour job, it seems like here. So in Germany,



    00:27:04.657 --> 00:27:05.917


    there are many, many more options.



    00:27:06.417 --> 00:27:10.377


    If you say, I don't want to go to college, which is not really,



    00:27:10.477 --> 00:27:16.477


    not everybody, you just go and work at a place like, is that, what do you call it?



    00:27:16.697 --> 00:27:20.417


    When you basically go to school and learn on the job as well.



    00:27:21.577 --> 00:27:24.937


    Okay, yes. So we have a million jobs like that.



    00:27:24.957 --> 00:27:30.137


    All the jobs at the bank, at the bakery, at the whatever you can think of,



    00:27:30.357 --> 00:27:35.117


    where you actually work and are not sitting in the office, but even in the office



    00:27:35.117 --> 00:27:40.937


    account or so you go to school, learn the paperwork about accounting,



    00:27:41.297 --> 00:27:48.177


    and then you go simultaneously, basically, and go and work on the job as well.



    00:27:48.497 --> 00:27:52.237


    So there are a million jobs like that, you decide what you want to do,



    00:27:52.297 --> 00:28:00.197


    and then you go and apply and they send you to work there as well as go to school



    00:28:00.197 --> 00:28:01.717


    on the side to learn the background.



    00:28:01.957 --> 00:28:07.657


    So if you want to be, I don't know, a chef, you just go and apply at a restaurant.



    00:28:07.837 --> 00:28:12.877


    And when they hire you, they can put you into the chef school.



    00:28:13.377 --> 00:28:17.357


    And you learn the background of how to run a business and a restaurant.



    00:28:17.477 --> 00:28:20.617


    And then you go also learn on the job how to cook.



    00:28:21.117 --> 00:28:27.797


    So that's what I did. First, I went and worked just at a store to make some money for clothes.



    00:28:28.037 --> 00:28:34.597


    It was a Zara. And as I worked there, they offered me a job to open worldwide.



    00:28:35.397 --> 00:28:39.637


    They were at that point, they were expanding. And so they offered if I wanted



    00:28:39.637 --> 00:28:41.997


    to travel with them and open stores worldwide.



    00:28:42.257 --> 00:28:47.177


    But they were paying extremely bad. And I was working 14, 16 hours a day.



    00:28:47.673 --> 00:28:53.833


    So I didn't want to do that. Then I moved on to becoming a waitress and I made



    00:28:53.833 --> 00:28:55.053


    really, really good money.



    00:28:55.453 --> 00:28:59.493


    And I got stuck there for a little bit. But as I was working there,



    00:28:59.713 --> 00:29:03.713


    there was a huge bank, like a chain right there.



    00:29:03.833 --> 00:29:06.473


    And the people were always coming for lunch.



    00:29:06.633 --> 00:29:11.913


    And the director recruited me and said, I would really love for you to work with us.



    00:29:11.993 --> 00:29:15.953


    So I went and did that and learned on the job. And, you know,



    00:29:16.033 --> 00:29:20.613


    in Germany, then you learn how to work on the basically stock market.



    00:29:20.693 --> 00:29:23.133


    You learn all the backgrounds, all the numbers, everything.



    00:29:23.373 --> 00:29:29.093


    And it's a very good and safe job. It's not like here that you just know that



    00:29:29.093 --> 00:29:32.333


    you're just a bank teller. I went through school for three years and learned



    00:29:32.333 --> 00:29:37.153


    everything about money and how it works, how money works.



    00:29:37.433 --> 00:29:41.853


    And then I worked at the bank and they too wanted to keep me.



    00:29:41.853 --> 00:29:47.913


    But I always, always, always felt as if the amount of money I always thought,



    00:29:48.033 --> 00:29:52.813


    the amount of money people are paying for jobs, it feels like a prison.



    00:29:53.113 --> 00:29:57.033


    You work Monday through Friday, eight hours a day, and then you have two,



    00:29:57.213 --> 00:29:58.813


    three hours to yourself.



    00:29:58.973 --> 00:30:02.913


    And then you don't even have plenty of money to spend those two,



    00:30:02.973 --> 00:30:04.673


    three hours the way you wish to.



    00:30:04.913 --> 00:30:09.233


    So it all didn't make sense to me. And the restaurant I used to work,



    00:30:09.313 --> 00:30:11.553


    they asked me if I want to become a manager there.



    00:30:11.853 --> 00:30:13.753


    And offered me much, much more money.



    00:30:14.093 --> 00:30:19.333


    And so I did that for a while until I got bored for, I don't know,



    00:30:19.373 --> 00:30:20.873


    I did it for two, three, four years.



    00:30:20.973 --> 00:30:26.993


    By now I'm mid and twenties and I was just making good money.



    00:30:27.093 --> 00:30:30.533


    And, but there was no progress. There was nowhere to go from there.



    00:30:30.833 --> 00:30:37.653


    And so I decided to start studying and going to college and it's free in Germany,



    00:30:37.733 --> 00:30:39.953


    but it's freaking hard. You have to apply.



    00:30:40.293 --> 00:30:43.893


    And it's basically you come to school, you get your books.



    00:30:43.973 --> 00:30:49.453


    If you want to come, you come. If you don't, you don't. At the end of the year, there are six exams.



    00:30:50.133 --> 00:30:55.353


    And if you fail one of them more than three times, you cannot study the subject



    00:30:55.353 --> 00:30:56.913


    in the whole country anymore.



    00:30:57.413 --> 00:31:01.433


    If you just want to show up to the exam, that's fine too. It's not like here



    00:31:01.433 --> 00:31:04.773


    it's homework. You're an adult, you come or go, nobody cares.



    00:31:04.973 --> 00:31:07.993


    You have to take the exam at the end of the semester.



    00:31:08.453 --> 00:31:12.413


    And it's It's just freaking, it's really hard. We started, I don't know,



    00:31:12.473 --> 00:31:18.913


    with how many hundreds of people, let's say 800, 1,000. And I think...



    00:31:19.559 --> 00:31:27.819


    It was six semesters, and I was one of maybe 80 or so who finished it within those six semesters.



    00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:35.259


    Everybody else either dropped out or never finished, or it took them like years and years.



    00:31:36.139 --> 00:31:39.219


    So that was hard for me because I didn't have the education,



    00:31:39.379 --> 00:31:44.959


    and I had to really work my ass off to make that work. So then during that,



    00:31:45.099 --> 00:31:49.539


    I decided to come across here to the U.S.



    00:31:49.619 --> 00:31:56.519


    For one exchange semester to improve my English and to just have a better resume.



    00:31:56.739 --> 00:32:01.159


    And that's what I did. And then I met my husband who didn't go to the university,



    00:32:01.239 --> 00:32:04.599


    but he lived in that little town who is now my ex-husband.



    00:32:04.699 --> 00:32:07.879


    But I met my husband and I liked him.



    00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:12.099


    And so I spent another semester here. Then I went home, wrote my thesis.



    00:32:12.819 --> 00:32:17.399


    And then I applied for my master's degree at that same university, got a scholarship.



    00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:22.579


    And I started and I finished business management at that school,



    00:32:22.779 --> 00:32:24.759


    a master in business management.



    00:32:24.879 --> 00:32:29.819


    So after those two years, I still liked my husband. We got married.



    00:32:30.259 --> 00:32:34.739


    We had one child in Missouri, and I didn't like it in Missouri at all.



    00:32:34.919 --> 00:32:36.979


    And so I said, let's move.



    00:32:37.219 --> 00:32:43.479


    And he had an aunt and a sister here in Nashville. And so we moved here and had another child.



    00:32:43.699 --> 00:32:48.699


    And things were just not feeling right for me, to me.



    00:32:48.939 --> 00:32:56.319


    And in mid-October 2022, I turned my life upside down, basically.



    00:32:56.519 --> 00:33:03.339


    And ever since, life is good. But, you know, I separated from my husband and



    00:33:03.339 --> 00:33:09.599


    we still are co-parenting and we still right now living together about to separate physically.



    00:33:10.395 --> 00:33:18.015


    But since October 2022, mid-October, life feels good again, powerful.



    00:33:18.355 --> 00:33:26.595


    And I feel like the time when I was a child and just trusted more my gut and less society rules.



    00:33:28.055 --> 00:33:34.015


    Wow. What a crazy journey you've been on. Yes.



    00:33:34.835 --> 00:33:45.155


    I mean, that is, it's just remarkable. I find myself so just in awe at you.



    00:33:45.335 --> 00:33:50.755


    And I had to say, when you're talking about college and you were talking about



    00:33:50.755 --> 00:33:57.095


    how hard it was and the fact that you were only one of a few students compared



    00:33:57.095 --> 00:33:58.235


    to the number who started.



    00:33:58.235 --> 00:34:05.175


    I couldn't help but think to myself, though, for myself and the people listening



    00:34:05.175 --> 00:34:09.615


    is we're like, well, duh, didn't we just listen to who this woman is?



    00:34:09.695 --> 00:34:11.315


    Like, of course she finished.



    00:34:12.715 --> 00:34:15.855


    Yes, yes, that's exactly who I am.



    00:34:16.015 --> 00:34:21.855


    And that's unfortunately who I buried for a very long time because I thought



    00:34:21.855 --> 00:34:24.475


    I have to bend to the rules of society.



    00:34:25.155 --> 00:34:31.575


    And I just recently stepped into that role again and said no more of that I



    00:34:31.575 --> 00:34:33.095


    just cannot shrink myself.



    00:34:34.098 --> 00:34:39.398


    To fit into somebody's narrative and I keep shining. Yeah.



    00:34:39.938 --> 00:34:42.878


    Well, well, good for you. Good for you.



    00:34:43.038 --> 00:34:48.758


    Besides for personal changes with, you know, marriage and everything.



    00:34:48.858 --> 00:34:50.418


    What about professionally?



    00:34:51.198 --> 00:34:54.458


    Yes. So I was a stay home mom until last October.



    00:34:54.618 --> 00:35:00.418


    Basically I was drinking my glass of wine at night and I was out of shape.



    00:35:00.418 --> 00:35:05.958


    I was depressed, running Groundhog Day, and I couldn't figure out why.



    00:35:06.318 --> 00:35:09.318


    Every day looked the same. I was taking care of the kids.



    00:35:09.378 --> 00:35:15.018


    I was on the outside living a life that you would think was acceptable or good.



    00:35:15.418 --> 00:35:19.078


    We are living in a good neighborhood. We live in a house, wide picket fence,



    00:35:19.318 --> 00:35:22.258


    a girl and a boy, a stay-at-home mom.



    00:35:22.858 --> 00:35:27.718


    Husband is bringing in enough money. Kids go to private school.



    00:35:27.718 --> 00:35:30.598


    Who, you know, on the outside, there was nothing wrong with it.



    00:35:30.618 --> 00:35:36.698


    But on the inside, I was entirely crumbled and broken because I entirely disconnected



    00:35:36.698 --> 00:35:43.878


    from my conscience and entirely disconnected from my purpose and was crippled emotionally.



    00:35:44.178 --> 00:35:51.378


    I was, again, in very much pain. And it came down to that I,



    00:35:51.458 --> 00:35:53.498


    at some point, one night...



    00:35:53.498 --> 00:36:00.698


    So I was the typical mom who was drinking her glass of wine at night to relax.



    00:36:01.118 --> 00:36:02.858


    That's what we call it, right?



    00:36:03.538 --> 00:36:09.538


    To relax or to just, you know, or some people just have a little bit of,



    00:36:09.558 --> 00:36:13.018


    you know, they smoke, they joined or whatever, just to relax,



    00:36:13.198 --> 00:36:17.658


    relax a little bit on the weekends with extra food and so on and so forth.



    00:36:17.758 --> 00:36:23.098


    And so I just felt as if something is not right. This cannot be it.



    00:36:23.498 --> 00:36:28.458


    And I was always going back and forth, not drinking for a while.



    00:36:28.658 --> 00:36:33.718


    I wasn't the typical alcoholic that woke up in the morning and needed to drink.



    00:36:34.118 --> 00:36:38.218


    But I knew that alcohol was just part of my identity.



    00:36:38.358 --> 00:36:42.818


    I was drinking the fanciest wines, fanciest bourbon, fanciest scotch.



    00:36:43.118 --> 00:36:46.958


    I was the host always who had the best foods and drinks.



    00:36:47.058 --> 00:36:51.058


    All family and friends always came to my house. My door was always open.



    00:36:51.058 --> 00:36:54.758


    And I just still I



    00:36:54.758 --> 00:36:57.858


    felt as if I couldn't identify with



    00:36:57.858 --> 00:37:03.498


    that person something was not right and I remember vividly after I didn't drink



    00:37:03.498 --> 00:37:08.718


    for a while I picked up a glass of wine one night and I told Ryan I said and



    00:37:08.718 --> 00:37:15.318


    here I am again having my glass of wine and I said why why is that playing such a big role in my life.



    00:37:15.418 --> 00:37:20.398


    And I said, I'm just, life doesn't feel right. And I said.



    00:37:21.243 --> 00:37:25.883


    If it wouldn't be for my children, I don't feel like this life would be worth living.



    00:37:26.323 --> 00:37:30.823


    And so as this entered my mouth, I realized what I just said.



    00:37:31.003 --> 00:37:34.243


    And so I was sad. Ryan went to bed.



    00:37:34.603 --> 00:37:39.423


    And that night, I'm not religious. I went down onto my knees and I said,



    00:37:39.523 --> 00:37:41.783


    I don't know what's happening.



    00:37:41.923 --> 00:37:44.323


    I don't know how, but I need help.



    00:37:44.503 --> 00:37:48.623


    I basically, I just begged for help.



    00:37:48.623 --> 00:37:51.723


    And so the next



    00:37:51.723 --> 00:37:54.783


    morning I'm sorry it makes me very emotional



    00:37:54.783 --> 00:37:58.063


    because no you're okay you take



    00:37:58.063 --> 00:38:05.663


    your time the next morning I listened to a podcast Andy Prezella and there was



    00:38:05.663 --> 00:38:13.643


    this man on the podcast who was talking about conscience and it upsets me because



    00:38:13.643 --> 00:38:16.083


    him and I had a little fallout yesterday today.



    00:38:16.343 --> 00:38:19.163


    And he's like my brother.



    00:38:19.283 --> 00:38:25.583


    So this man was on the podcast and he was talking about conscience and he was



    00:38:25.583 --> 00:38:27.763


    talking about being a role model to children.



    00:38:27.943 --> 00:38:36.363


    How can you live a life that you do not wish for your children and how kids emulate and not listen.



    00:38:36.723 --> 00:38:41.423


    And he was basically saying out loud the things that I knew were right.



    00:38:41.883 --> 00:38:51.323


    And from there on, I looked him up, I set up with him and my life has changed by 180 degrees.



    00:38:51.483 --> 00:38:56.543


    I just became this other woman. I stepped into my power, physically.



    00:38:57.083 --> 00:39:02.063


    Mentally, and run a business, a life coaching business,



    00:39:02.243 --> 00:39:07.083


    and basically created the the woman that I needed in my life,



    00:39:07.183 --> 00:39:14.163


    the mother that I needed, the woman that I needed later, and help other men



    00:39:14.163 --> 00:39:16.323


    and women do exactly the same,



    00:39:16.443 --> 00:39:23.403


    just giving them the freedom of authenticity and confidence in life and removing



    00:39:23.403 --> 00:39:26.343


    radically the biases out of their lives.



    00:39:26.503 --> 00:39:32.923


    Because that's a big, big burden that people are just not aware of.



    00:39:32.963 --> 00:39:36.163


    If it's food, if it's drugs, If it's alcohol, if it's porn,



    00:39:36.323 --> 00:39:39.723


    if it's whatever is calling you, whatever you cannot let go,



    00:39:39.883 --> 00:39:47.223


    the little voice that's telling you to sleep in, that little voice is just making



    00:39:47.223 --> 00:39:50.243


    you every day habitually weak.



    00:39:51.185 --> 00:39:57.245


    And you can use the same force and the same energy to habitually create everything you want in your life.



    00:39:57.385 --> 00:40:00.565


    And I'm just living proof because I went from this overweight.



    00:40:00.965 --> 00:40:09.925


    Depressed mother of two who had no income to now one and a half or 20 months



    00:40:09.925 --> 00:40:14.345


    later being in extremely good shape,



    00:40:14.505 --> 00:40:17.105


    like outstanding shape mentally.



    00:40:17.445 --> 00:40:19.425


    Physically and financially.



    00:40:19.425 --> 00:40:28.365


    I surpassed many, many people doing this for only 20 months because I just live by the universal laws.



    00:40:28.645 --> 00:40:34.665


    I just go with the flow of life and I go with integrity and do the things that



    00:40:34.665 --> 00:40:39.065


    need to get done regardless of how I feel about it.



    00:40:39.065 --> 00:40:45.385


    Because I just choose to create this woman who can serve over this woman who



    00:40:45.385 --> 00:40:52.645


    was just thinking about herself and her little boo-boos and her little needs and numbing her pain.



    00:40:52.765 --> 00:40:59.545


    So now I live outwardly everything I go through in life and show people that



    00:40:59.545 --> 00:41:05.865


    life is not about being happy all the time because if you're chasing happiness, you're just chasing.



    00:41:05.865 --> 00:41:09.545


    There's a lack that you will never be able to fill.



    00:41:09.665 --> 00:41:14.705


    You will be always chasing drugs, alcohol, women, porn, whatever it is.



    00:41:14.845 --> 00:41:21.045


    But if you actually solidify and make yourself proud every day and live with



    00:41:21.045 --> 00:41:25.725


    confidence and respect for yourself every day by doing the things that need



    00:41:25.725 --> 00:41:28.105


    to get done, regardless of how hard they are,



    00:41:28.225 --> 00:41:32.805


    you just wake up differently and are excited about life because you're creating



    00:41:32.805 --> 00:41:34.565


    and you experience growth.



    00:41:35.285 --> 00:41:40.625


    So that's what I live every day. And that's what I teach. And it works 100% of the time.



    00:41:40.865 --> 00:41:52.365


    Yeah. I just want to take a moment to say thank you for being so real and open today.



    00:41:52.745 --> 00:41:59.485


    I truly believe that podcasting, what I love about it is it's an opportunity



    00:41:59.485 --> 00:42:07.185


    for us to be in somebody's life, possibly right now, somebody on the other side of the world from us.



    00:42:07.625 --> 00:42:11.785


    Maybe it's a woman who's 10 steps behind you.



    00:42:12.145 --> 00:42:15.265


    And maybe she just needed to hear exactly what you said.



    00:42:15.625 --> 00:42:22.305


    And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your willingness to share that.



    00:42:22.545 --> 00:42:25.405


    You're so welcome. This is all I want.



    00:42:25.665 --> 00:42:31.585


    All I want that I was once that woman and somebody did it for me.



    00:42:31.585 --> 00:42:35.405


    And I truly feel as if I owe. So...



    00:42:36.197 --> 00:42:47.437


    Yeah. Well, my next question is for the person who would love to learn more about working with you,



    00:42:47.497 --> 00:42:54.597


    would love to find ways to be connected with you and plugged into your world, where can we send them?



    00:42:54.757 --> 00:42:57.837


    The safest way is on Instagram.



    00:42:58.197 --> 00:43:02.037


    Talk Tom, T-O-K-T-A-M, Thomas.



    00:43:02.617 --> 00:43:11.637


    And I pop up and I live on Instagram 24 seven, creating content, documenting my life.



    00:43:11.777 --> 00:43:19.437


    You can watch me elevate and you can reach me there. You DM me and it's very easy.



    00:43:19.577 --> 00:43:24.837


    I'm right there with my clients, with my people all day, every day.



    00:43:24.897 --> 00:43:30.437


    I go first, I do everything first and you just follow my lead and you will experience



    00:43:30.437 --> 00:43:32.777


    it yourself. I do have two programs.



    00:43:33.737 --> 00:43:37.797


    Number one is we need to get you in shape first, physically and mentally.



    00:43:38.017 --> 00:43:43.937


    And number two is then the elite program where we work very tightly together, one-on-one.



    00:43:44.377 --> 00:43:47.737


    Yeah, amazing. Well, talk to me.



    00:43:47.797 --> 00:43:52.557


    I will be sure that all of that is in the show notes for anybody interested,



    00:43:53.317 --> 00:43:55.877


    who needs an easy access, a link.



    00:43:55.997 --> 00:43:58.217


    I'll be positive that all of that is there.



    00:43:58.497 --> 00:44:01.657


    I want to end today with just one final question.



    00:44:02.657 --> 00:44:08.217


    And looking at all that you've been through, now you're a mother.



    00:44:09.226 --> 00:44:16.206


    What do you hope that you can instill in your children to as they continue on with life?



    00:44:16.386 --> 00:44:21.266


    What do you hope that they when they're looking back, what do you hope that



    00:44:21.266 --> 00:44:25.166


    that they, you know, know that you instilled in them?



    00:44:25.526 --> 00:44:33.946


    I want my children to understand that the outside world is a reflection of their



    00:44:33.946 --> 00:44:38.446


    internal state so that we can create the world that we live in.



    00:44:38.446 --> 00:44:44.566


    And I not only preach that every day, I live that right in front of them.



    00:44:45.226 --> 00:44:49.186


    So I live what I teach every day.



    00:44:49.326 --> 00:44:55.006


    And that's what I want them to know. You can create the world that you live



    00:44:55.006 --> 00:44:57.526


    in literally. Yeah, beautiful.



    00:44:58.046 --> 00:45:05.806


    Takhtam, thank you so much. You have been one of the most amazing people I've



    00:45:05.806 --> 00:45:08.906


    had the opportunity to meet and to speak with and to hear your story.



    00:45:09.086 --> 00:45:12.906


    It means the world to me to have you here today. Thank you very much.



    00:45:13.386 --> 00:45:21.826


    Yeah, absolutely. For you listening, my hope is that you're touched as much as I am,



    00:45:21.906 --> 00:45:29.406


    that you're smiling, like that your heart is warm and that you just want a little



    00:45:29.406 --> 00:45:31.146


    bit more of this woman in your life.



    00:45:31.386 --> 00:45:36.546


    So you be sure to check out the show notes where I've left links to Instagram



    00:45:36.546 --> 00:45:39.186


    in all the places that she mentioned.



    00:45:39.526 --> 00:45:43.286


    Let's show this lady some love. Get on the Instagram and start following her today.



    00:45:43.906 --> 00:45:48.246


    My name is Kevin Lowe. This, of course, is Great Grace and Inspiration.



    00:45:48.546 --> 00:45:50.646


    You get out there and enjoy the day.



    00:45:51.120 --> 00:46:09.666


    Music.


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