Show Transcript

00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:05.937

Have you ever had somebody tell you that you can't or that you weren't good

00:00:05.937 --> 00:00:08.497

enough, that you weren't fast enough, you weren't strong enough?

00:00:08.657 --> 00:00:13.517

There's no way that you could keep up. There's no way that you're going to join the team.

00:00:13.637 --> 00:00:19.137

There's no way that you're ever going to accomplish this big goal that you say you have.

00:00:19.477 --> 00:00:25.177

If you've ever had somebody tell you that you weren't able to do something,

00:00:25.297 --> 00:00:27.577

that you you weren't good enough or strong enough?

00:00:27.737 --> 00:00:30.057

Well, today's episode is for you.

00:00:30.577 --> 00:00:37.137

I have in the studio today, Rahz the Motivator Slaughter, a guy who was born

00:00:37.137 --> 00:00:41.757

with a physical disability and he is no stranger to challenges.

00:00:42.157 --> 00:00:49.097

But what's awesome about Rahz is the fact that with the help of one awesome grandmother,

00:00:49.397 --> 00:00:51.357

he defied those challenges.

00:00:51.557 --> 00:00:56.937

He broke through the barriers and now he's here to motivate you to do the same.

00:00:57.877 --> 00:01:01.817

Today's episode is going to leave you feeling all kinds of good,

00:01:01.977 --> 00:01:06.517

smiling a little bigger, feeling a little more positive, a little bit more inspired,

00:01:06.777 --> 00:01:11.197

empowered to get out there and just make the most of this day.

00:01:11.737 --> 00:01:18.317

This, my friend, is episode 298. This is my interview with Rahz Slaughter.

00:01:20.197 --> 00:01:23.997

Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,

00:01:23.997 --> 00:01:27.057

they're just doors to better days and that's exactly

00:01:27.057 --> 00:01:30.657

what we do here at grit grace and inspiration your

00:01:30.657 --> 00:01:33.337

host kevin low he's been flipping the script on his

00:01:33.337 --> 00:01:38.497

own life turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight up inspiration

00:01:38.497 --> 00:01:44.257

motivation and encouragement just for you so kick back relax and let me introduce

00:01:44.257 --> 00:01:50.717

you to your host kevin low you my friend are so

00:01:50.897 --> 00:01:56.557

lucky that you are right here inside of today's episode number 298. Why?

00:01:56.877 --> 00:02:02.357

Well, because I'm in the studio with one of the coolest guys I have ever met,

00:02:02.557 --> 00:02:04.397

and that is Rahz Slaughter.

00:02:04.837 --> 00:02:11.737

Now, maybe not quite to his level of awesomeness, but still pretty darn cool,

00:02:11.877 --> 00:02:15.477

is the fact that I'm offering free coaching all summer long.

00:02:15.717 --> 00:02:21.337

It's part of my sizzling summer special, in which you can book a free 30-minute

00:02:21.337 --> 00:02:24.057

coaching call with me all summer long.

00:02:24.317 --> 00:02:29.297

No obligation, no sales pitch at the end. It's totally free.

00:02:29.497 --> 00:02:33.497

It's me just wanting to be a help to you to get clear on your goals,

00:02:33.557 --> 00:02:37.057

to figure out where you want to go, what's standing in the way,

00:02:37.177 --> 00:02:40.717

and to map out a plan to get you there.

00:02:41.395 --> 00:02:48.055

All you have to do to sign up is text SUMMER2024, that is all one word,

00:02:48.095 --> 00:02:53.795

no spaces, SUMMER2024 to 33777.

00:02:54.335 --> 00:03:04.095

Again, text SUMMER2024 to 33777, or you can also just click the link inside of today's show notes.

00:03:04.455 --> 00:03:08.475

Either option is going to get you right to the calendar where you can schedule

00:03:08.475 --> 00:03:10.415

your coaching call ASAP.

00:03:10.415 --> 00:03:17.735

Remember spaces are limited and summer is a limited season so be sure to grab your spot today.

00:03:18.435 --> 00:03:23.875

With that my friend i turn it over to the awesome guy of the hour Rahz slaughter

00:03:23.875 --> 00:03:29.415

i was born with my right leg shorted in the other no quadriceps or hamstring

00:03:29.415 --> 00:03:33.295

on that right leg so for the listeners i have a three and a half inch difference

00:03:33.295 --> 00:03:36.795

in length between my right and my left leg as an adult.

00:03:36.955 --> 00:03:39.275

But as a baby, I was premature.

00:03:39.715 --> 00:03:45.055

And when my mother, we were going through delivery, my right hip was pulled

00:03:45.055 --> 00:03:48.455

out of socket pretty much. So they had to reposition my leg.

00:03:48.575 --> 00:03:51.915

And I believe that that was probably the catalyst to some of the dysfunction

00:03:51.915 --> 00:03:55.135

in this right leg, which led to the rest of my life.

00:03:55.175 --> 00:03:59.595

I mean, I had an upbringing just like most people, but I was challenged because

00:03:59.595 --> 00:04:03.215

right from the get-go, I was on the little short bus going to school,

00:04:03.315 --> 00:04:03.775

starting kindergarten.

00:04:04.675 --> 00:04:10.375

And kids made fun of me. I had crutches. I had funny shoes, all of the different

00:04:10.375 --> 00:04:12.955

things that anyone who has a disability,

00:04:13.275 --> 00:04:16.555

and I say disability for those who think about a disability,

00:04:16.735 --> 00:04:21.475

but I feel like my disability turned into my ability, my ability to just really

00:04:21.475 --> 00:04:24.435

focus on when someone tells me I can't, I must.

00:04:24.635 --> 00:04:28.895

And it started at that early age when I was born with this dysfunctional leg.

00:04:29.055 --> 00:04:31.395

Wow, that is so interesting.

00:04:31.615 --> 00:04:38.535

Now, as you would grow older, would it get worse or get better?

00:04:39.253 --> 00:04:44.813

Pretty much from the time I was about, I'd say five to 12 was some tough years.

00:04:45.013 --> 00:04:48.073

I had one surgery, which was totally a experiment.

00:04:48.473 --> 00:04:52.833

Doctor just basically cut my leg on both sides, right and left side laterally.

00:04:52.933 --> 00:04:55.613

And they just inserted two pins.

00:04:55.813 --> 00:05:00.893

And I had a cast for about three months. Did nothing for my leg at all.

00:05:00.993 --> 00:05:05.473

All it did was make me miss some school, which didn't push me back a little bit further.

00:05:05.673 --> 00:05:09.713

I wound up getting left back. And that was the beginning of some learning challenges

00:05:09.713 --> 00:05:12.193

that I would have to overcome as an adult.

00:05:12.313 --> 00:05:17.713

At 12, I was blessed to go to the Shriners Hospital in Springfield,

00:05:17.773 --> 00:05:22.353

Mass., where I had the second surgery, which was called the Alizaroth.

00:05:22.353 --> 00:05:27.533

And this Alizarov, for those who are listening, I had several rings with straight

00:05:27.533 --> 00:05:30.093

pins through my leg, right through the bone.

00:05:30.193 --> 00:05:35.253

And the goal of this apparatus was to straighten my leg and then lengthen it

00:05:35.253 --> 00:05:40.453

so that the doctor told my mother that I was going to be just like all the other kids.

00:05:41.253 --> 00:05:46.153

And I tell you, after six months of going through that painful surgery,

00:05:46.333 --> 00:05:50.273

every day they turn this little crank and it straightened my leg just a little

00:05:50.273 --> 00:05:51.853

bit and straightened my leg just a little bit.

00:05:51.933 --> 00:05:55.473

And they do this surgery because at this time I haven't gone through puberty

00:05:55.473 --> 00:05:57.893

yet. So I'm still going through the growth process.

00:05:58.353 --> 00:06:02.313

And they told my mother I was going to be normal. And at six months,

00:06:02.453 --> 00:06:07.373

my mom comes to visit me and doctor's there and he's got a big grin on his face

00:06:07.373 --> 00:06:08.973

like, Like, oh, this was such a success.

00:06:09.433 --> 00:06:13.693

And my young self asked the doctor one really critical question.

00:06:14.313 --> 00:06:19.373

So, doc, now that my leg is straight, how will it stay that way?

00:06:20.153 --> 00:06:23.813

What do you think he said, Kev? I don't. He says, well, he goes,

00:06:23.953 --> 00:06:26.053

well, you're going to have to wear a brace. Yes.

00:06:26.578 --> 00:06:31.278

And I asked him, I said, for how long? For the rest of your life.

00:06:31.878 --> 00:06:35.118

Now, I don't know about you, but that didn't sound like normal.

00:06:35.618 --> 00:06:39.598

That didn't seem like all the other kids. And if you've ever saw that great

00:06:39.598 --> 00:06:43.738

movie, Forrest Gump, those were the braces that he was talking about.

00:06:44.378 --> 00:06:51.818

No way. Oh, my God. And I was like, I mean, I'm getting picked on with crutches.

00:06:51.958 --> 00:06:55.358

I'm getting made fun of. I'm not able to do gym class with the kids.

00:06:55.358 --> 00:07:00.158

I'm like, you give me these braces on my leg. I am really going to have a tough time.

00:07:00.458 --> 00:07:06.438

So I he gave me the gift of two weeks to go visit my grandmother in Long Island,

00:07:06.558 --> 00:07:10.578

New York, and to take a break between surgeries, because the second part of

00:07:10.578 --> 00:07:14.078

the surgery is now the lengthening of my leg that they got it straight.

00:07:14.438 --> 00:07:18.418

And my grandmother, who is God bless her soul, is probably one of the wisest

00:07:18.418 --> 00:07:22.498

women I've ever met in my life, told me, she said, God made you this way,

00:07:22.558 --> 00:07:24.698

son, and you should stay this way.

00:07:24.698 --> 00:07:29.858

And those are the words that hit home for me at, and I just turned 13 and I've

00:07:29.858 --> 00:07:35.078

never had another surgery on my leg since because I truly believe that if this

00:07:35.078 --> 00:07:37.178

was my destiny, this is the way I was gonna live.

00:07:37.298 --> 00:07:40.738

And I went on to do some other amazing things, whether it's the athletics or

00:07:40.738 --> 00:07:43.778

working out, fitness, and we'll share with them a little bit of that later.

00:07:43.918 --> 00:07:48.178

But that is really the early years of my story of going through those two surgeries,

00:07:48.278 --> 00:07:51.878

those two major surgeries and coming to the epiphany that, you know what,

00:07:51.978 --> 00:07:52.898

we all have disabilities.

00:07:52.898 --> 00:07:56.558

We all have things that are a little bit different, but we have to embrace them

00:07:56.558 --> 00:08:00.238

and embrace those challenges so that we can move forward in life. Yeah.

00:08:00.738 --> 00:08:03.958

You know, God bless our grandmothers. Yeah.

00:08:05.338 --> 00:08:11.238

Absolutely. Yeah, man. Okay. So I have so many questions.

00:08:11.438 --> 00:08:17.878

So my first question is, so continuing on, the leg was now straight.

00:08:17.938 --> 00:08:20.958

Did it end up remaining straight even though you didn't wear the braces?

00:08:21.778 --> 00:08:24.678

Absolutely not. it went right back to the way it was.

00:08:26.038 --> 00:08:29.858

And I love that you shared that question because as over the years,

00:08:29.898 --> 00:08:35.398

it pretty much, I mean, I became well-versed in biomechanics and human anatomy.

00:08:35.458 --> 00:08:38.078

And I learned that it was a failure from the start.

00:08:38.258 --> 00:08:42.778

And that question that I asked the doctor purely was some inspired question.

00:08:42.898 --> 00:08:46.378

I don't even know how I came up with it at that age, but now knowing that you

00:08:46.378 --> 00:08:49.478

have to have a quad and a hamstring to have the knee flex and extend. in.

00:08:49.558 --> 00:08:55.158

And so it went right back. But what I will tell you is that that leg is, has been strong.

00:08:55.278 --> 00:08:58.838

I have a strong right glute and my lower back is tight at times,

00:08:58.898 --> 00:09:01.578

but it just functions in it. And we adapt.

00:09:01.898 --> 00:09:05.298

And that's something that I share with people all the time, whether it's speaking

00:09:05.298 --> 00:09:10.098

or coaching is that we have the ability to adapt to our, our surroundings.

00:09:10.138 --> 00:09:14.318

So our bodies can adapt and we can actually embrace those challenges and become

00:09:14.318 --> 00:09:18.938

stronger in other areas if we're willing to do the work. Yeah, absolutely.

00:09:19.238 --> 00:09:23.518

So now like today, are you able to walk on that leg?

00:09:24.211 --> 00:09:28.971

Absolutely. I walk, I ride a bike. I just finished riding a hundred miles for

00:09:28.971 --> 00:09:31.711

the multiple sclerosis ride here in South Florida.

00:09:31.951 --> 00:09:37.451

I work out five to six days a week. I've been a bodybuilder for the last 25 years.

00:09:37.831 --> 00:09:41.811

And I don't believe that the leg has stopped me from doing anything in this

00:09:41.811 --> 00:09:45.471

world that I want to do. Wow, wow, wow, wow. That is incredible.

00:09:45.871 --> 00:09:49.431

Last question about the leg, because this is just crazy.

00:09:49.791 --> 00:09:54.451

So as an adult, how much shorter is it than your other leg?

00:09:55.231 --> 00:09:58.371

So I'd like to say that I'm standing at six foot four now.

00:10:01.031 --> 00:10:07.251

I am a strong five foot three man with a three and a half inch difference in my right and my left leg.

00:10:07.271 --> 00:10:10.071

My left leg functions 100 percent perfect.

00:10:10.291 --> 00:10:15.491

And God bless that. That's the strong leg. I always say I have one good wheel. Yes.

00:10:17.251 --> 00:10:22.691

Amazing. So do you do you have like something with your shoes that helps to balance it out?

00:10:22.851 --> 00:10:26.131

No, I walk on my toes. so I never liked

00:10:26.131 --> 00:10:29.151

that the Herman Munster boot I had

00:10:29.151 --> 00:10:31.771

it when I was younger yeah and if you

00:10:31.771 --> 00:10:34.591

guys I mean we're all probably the same age so a lot of the listeners will

00:10:34.591 --> 00:10:39.131

understand that I never wanted that it made it very hard for me to do the things

00:10:39.131 --> 00:10:42.811

that I wanted to do as a kid I wanted to run and jump and and do and ride my

00:10:42.811 --> 00:10:47.511

bike and things and having that big plastic piece on the shoe inhibited that

00:10:47.511 --> 00:10:51.611

so I've never gone back to that I will share with the listeners that because

00:10:51.611 --> 00:10:53.591

Because I walk on my toe and I've run,

00:10:53.671 --> 00:10:57.311

I don't run as much anymore because I don't want to put that much wear and tear on the body.

00:10:57.431 --> 00:11:01.411

I do understand that we don't get a set. I can't go in for an oil change.

00:11:02.491 --> 00:11:07.051

So, you know, I do have a little arthritis in my right toe, which hurts at times.

00:11:07.111 --> 00:11:10.571

But, hey, you know what? A little pain for some gain is no problem with me.

00:11:11.671 --> 00:11:18.411

Yeah, absolutely, dude. So going back to your story, you spent that time with

00:11:18.411 --> 00:11:19.091

your grandmother. mother.

00:11:19.171 --> 00:11:22.051

You guys had this massive kind of epiphany,

00:11:22.608 --> 00:11:27.228

You reset your mindset. From there, I have two questions.

00:11:27.308 --> 00:11:30.188

I'm going to ask you both questions and you can go from there.

00:11:30.248 --> 00:11:39.648

My first question is, I know in my own situation, sometimes grandparents' ideas

00:11:39.648 --> 00:11:42.828

of what we should be doing is different than our parents.

00:11:43.108 --> 00:11:49.068

And so I'm curious when you went back home, what maybe your mom or dad or whoever

00:11:49.068 --> 00:11:56.608

thought about this idea? and then just kind of understanding how life as a kid went from there.

00:11:57.028 --> 00:12:02.708

As a parent and adult right now, I can tell you that my mother allowed me to make that decision.

00:12:03.148 --> 00:12:08.608

And it was a decision that I don't think she had a lot of knowledge and understanding

00:12:08.608 --> 00:12:10.608

of, but she could see the conviction.

00:12:11.308 --> 00:12:15.348

And like I said, my grandmother told me when she said those words that God made

00:12:15.348 --> 00:12:18.688

you this way and you're going to stay that way, there was no one on this planet

00:12:18.688 --> 00:12:20.448

that could have got me under the knife again.

00:12:20.608 --> 00:12:24.788

So it really wasn't a conversation. It was more of a conviction in it.

00:12:24.888 --> 00:12:26.288

Hey, this is what's going to happen.

00:12:26.828 --> 00:12:30.928

It's my body. It's my leg. And I'm blessed that my mom was willing to allow

00:12:30.928 --> 00:12:37.768

me to to make that very mature decision at the young age of 12 and a half, 13. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

00:12:38.008 --> 00:12:44.528

Amazing. Way to go, mom. I love it. So, so now getting back to you as a kid,

00:12:44.628 --> 00:12:46.488

I mean, cause you're still a kid.

00:12:46.648 --> 00:12:51.708

I mean, even though you're pursuing forward, you have something quote unquote wrong with you.

00:12:51.948 --> 00:12:55.428

I'm curious how it went the rest of kind of time in school.

00:12:55.488 --> 00:13:00.928

I mean, as far as bullying or you just doing life, how did it go?

00:13:01.615 --> 00:13:06.275

Yeah. So I wound up moving from upstate New York, living with my mother to living

00:13:06.275 --> 00:13:09.275

with my grandmother. After that decision, I wanted to be in Long Island.

00:13:09.375 --> 00:13:13.735

I just saw that it was a great opportunity for me to learn. They had more resources

00:13:13.735 --> 00:13:15.375

for me, things like that.

00:13:15.495 --> 00:13:21.255

So I started school that year in New York, in Long Island, and it started all

00:13:21.255 --> 00:13:25.055

over again. I mean, a new school, very affluent area on Long Island,

00:13:25.135 --> 00:13:28.175

and kids were kids, you know, they were a little bit mean.

00:13:28.375 --> 00:13:32.075

I wasn't as financially as fortunate as a lot of them.

00:13:32.195 --> 00:13:37.555

But what I will share is that the school district did a very good job at at

00:13:37.555 --> 00:13:41.375

least making sure that I didn't feel so disjointed.

00:13:41.375 --> 00:13:45.895

Being I was the only African-American student in the class at that time with

00:13:45.895 --> 00:13:47.935

a disability, they did the best they could.

00:13:48.095 --> 00:13:51.655

And then when I wanted to play sports, they tried to block me.

00:13:51.755 --> 00:13:55.895

So then my grandmother and I found a way around that by signing a letter at

00:13:55.895 --> 00:13:58.035

that time saying that we would not

00:13:58.035 --> 00:14:01.735

hold them responsible for anything that happened to me by playing sports.

00:14:01.875 --> 00:14:06.575

So then I was able to participate in gym and play soccer and do all the things

00:14:06.575 --> 00:14:10.835

that I wanted to do as a young boy, just kind of going through time. Yeah.

00:14:10.975 --> 00:14:13.555

Wow, wow, wow. Dude, that's incredible.

00:14:13.915 --> 00:14:17.275

Again, way to go, Grandma. I love it so much.

00:14:17.515 --> 00:14:22.615

Now, you talked about getting really big into fitness and stuff.

00:14:22.695 --> 00:14:24.275

When did that really take place?

00:14:25.075 --> 00:14:30.175

So I, it started pretty much about eighth grade and I saw, I got to see you

00:14:30.175 --> 00:14:34.395

and we all saw Arnold and, and all of those movies.

00:14:34.435 --> 00:14:38.875

And I learned that, you know, I said, if I'm going to have this disability,

00:14:39.095 --> 00:14:41.555

why not try to build the strongest body possible?

00:14:41.795 --> 00:14:47.115

And I had a, luckily I had a coach who was a wrestling coach and a track coach at the time.

00:14:47.135 --> 00:14:50.755

And he said, Hey, you know, you look like you could really do great things in the wrestling room.

00:14:50.835 --> 00:14:53.495

And at that time, I still believed that I I was going to be in the NBA.

00:14:54.795 --> 00:15:00.615

So I was like, well, I want to play basketball. Well, he let me have that dream until I got cut.

00:15:01.235 --> 00:15:07.115

And then he came back to me and said, hey, you know, you might be good in the wrestling room.

00:15:07.195 --> 00:15:10.375

And I could do some pull ups because I had crutches as a young kid.

00:15:10.475 --> 00:15:13.015

So my upper body had already started to develop.

00:15:13.355 --> 00:15:16.295

And I got into the weight room and I started to work out right then.

00:15:16.335 --> 00:15:21.315

And I've never stopped working out since I was 13. I worked out this morning at 6 a.m. Wow.

00:15:21.655 --> 00:15:28.675

That's incredible. man. Yeah. Wow. And so when you leading up into like the

00:15:28.675 --> 00:15:34.635

age of graduating school and stuff, I mean, what did you have plans to do after school?

00:15:35.374 --> 00:15:40.194

Yeah. So I got into wrestling and I became wrestling was that number one thing for me.

00:15:40.254 --> 00:15:44.294

School wasn't the thing because at that time I was struggling with academics

00:15:44.294 --> 00:15:48.354

because I was dyslexic and ADHD and I was undiagnosed.

00:15:48.414 --> 00:15:53.154

So when I didn't read a book really all throughout high school because I skipped

00:15:53.154 --> 00:15:56.194

the words because I couldn't comprehend and pronunciate them.

00:15:56.274 --> 00:16:01.974

And that struggle got me to have a wonderful 1.62 GPA leaving high school.

00:16:02.094 --> 00:16:04.674

So I was an academic gimmick, not star.

00:16:07.954 --> 00:16:15.634

Oh, my goodness. Yes. So so I'm assuming you maybe didn't have college plans when growing up along.

00:16:15.714 --> 00:16:19.374

Everybody was going to college. So I said, hey, that's just what I need to do.

00:16:19.454 --> 00:16:22.874

And I was blessed to luckily to have the wrestling.

00:16:22.974 --> 00:16:27.334

I got into college, went to that that big school that you shouldn't go to when

00:16:27.334 --> 00:16:30.294

you don't have anybody to tell you this is not the way to to go.

00:16:30.374 --> 00:16:32.734

Don't go sign all these papers and get all these loans.

00:16:33.014 --> 00:16:37.194

But I recognized quickly that I should go to junior college after signing up

00:16:37.194 --> 00:16:41.794

originally at a D1 school and putting myself in some deep debt, got out.

00:16:41.914 --> 00:16:45.414

And then about a year and a half into my college years of wrestling,

00:16:45.694 --> 00:16:48.954

I found myself financially strapped and I had to make a decision.

00:16:49.174 --> 00:16:53.154

Should I take care of my grandmother, get a job and do the things that I knew I needed to do?

00:16:53.354 --> 00:16:58.734

Or should I try to keep struggling in school. I dropped out of college at that point.

00:16:58.814 --> 00:17:03.694

And I started working and my first job was a personal trainer.

00:17:04.334 --> 00:17:06.534

Okay, so that's where that begins.

00:17:07.374 --> 00:17:13.654

Interesting. Yeah. Well, so I am curious about the personal trainer job because,

00:17:13.794 --> 00:17:17.754

you know, I mean, you mentioned, you know, you're only five foot three.

00:17:17.854 --> 00:17:20.114

We've talked about this issue with your leg.

00:17:20.755 --> 00:17:25.055

How was that being a trainer with with the people that you are working with?

00:17:25.155 --> 00:17:28.935

Would they gain inspiration from you?

00:17:29.055 --> 00:17:33.255

Would they be kind of in disbelief? Anything like that?

00:17:34.055 --> 00:17:39.075

Yeah. The first job I went to get, I remember a buddy of mine who was the most

00:17:39.075 --> 00:17:40.935

unathletic male on the planet.

00:17:41.055 --> 00:17:43.215

And he was a personal trainer.

00:17:43.355 --> 00:17:47.635

And his uncle was a the head manager there, the facility manager.

00:17:47.635 --> 00:17:51.815

So I'm like, oh, I know he can be a trainer. I can be a trainer.

00:17:52.015 --> 00:17:56.415

I went over, asked for the job, signed it. And he said, oh, we're not hiring right now.

00:17:56.695 --> 00:17:59.875

Now, I knew at that minute that he was bullshitting me.

00:18:00.035 --> 00:18:03.015

And the fact of the matter is that he basically was saying, hey,

00:18:03.075 --> 00:18:04.735

you know, you could work the front desk.

00:18:05.115 --> 00:18:09.395

And I took that job. I worked the front desk. I learned everybody's first name,

00:18:09.455 --> 00:18:11.115

last name, kid's name, everything. thing.

00:18:11.355 --> 00:18:15.555

And within a short period of time, people were seeing me at the gym. I became a gym rat.

00:18:15.695 --> 00:18:19.735

I was working out consistently, hanging there out and helping everybody in sight.

00:18:19.995 --> 00:18:22.915

Everybody who had a question, everybody who was struggling.

00:18:23.175 --> 00:18:26.895

And before you knew it, I had built up a pretty good name for myself as someone

00:18:26.895 --> 00:18:30.815

who could contribute and share inspiration when it came to their body and their fitness.

00:18:31.055 --> 00:18:33.915

And I had a full book within probably about four months.

00:18:34.575 --> 00:18:39.675

Wow. How long did you end up sticking with that? Yeah, I stayed at that first

00:18:39.675 --> 00:18:41.455

location for about a year and a half.

00:18:41.575 --> 00:18:45.975

And then I took the leap of faith and decided that I was going to join a gym

00:18:45.975 --> 00:18:48.855

in Manhattan because that's where, you know, the big money was.

00:18:48.935 --> 00:18:51.935

That's where all the celebrities and actors and athletes were.

00:18:52.155 --> 00:18:55.955

And I went in and got that my first job in New York Sports Club.

00:18:56.175 --> 00:19:00.275

And the rest is history, man. I fell in love with the human body.

00:19:00.355 --> 00:19:04.415

I fell in love with helping people transform their minds, understanding that

00:19:04.415 --> 00:19:08.755

if you were going to transform your body, it first started with the six inches between your ears.

00:19:08.895 --> 00:19:11.795

You're not going to do anything to your body if you don't believe in it.

00:19:11.875 --> 00:19:18.355

So I learned, I found, you know, personal development and Tony Robbins and the rest is history.

00:19:19.015 --> 00:19:24.135

Yeah. Oh, my. I think I think once anybody has the amazing experience of finding

00:19:24.135 --> 00:19:26.395

Tony Robbins, the rest is always history.

00:19:29.195 --> 00:19:35.955

Oh, my goodness. Now, at some point in time, I know, and I don't know at what

00:19:35.955 --> 00:19:39.875

age you were or anything, but I know at one point in time, your grandmother

00:19:39.875 --> 00:19:42.575

would pass away. Yeah. Yeah.

00:19:43.198 --> 00:19:47.578

Talk to me about that. Yes. So just so the listeners can follow the chronological

00:19:47.578 --> 00:19:51.338

story here, you know, I went on to do some big things in the fitness world and

00:19:51.338 --> 00:19:56.798

I fell in love with entrepreneurship and got my start of my own. I started my first gym.

00:19:56.878 --> 00:20:00.018

I'm working on Long Island, taking care of my grandmother. Life is good.

00:20:00.138 --> 00:20:05.258

And then she gets cancer and she has cancer in her liver and both of her breasts.

00:20:05.498 --> 00:20:07.698

And we had to make a tough decision.

00:20:08.038 --> 00:20:11.898

And I decided that we were going to just treat it naturally and allow her to

00:20:11.898 --> 00:20:13.818

have high life quality of life.

00:20:13.958 --> 00:20:17.478

And the last two and a half years of our life, we did a lot of things and we

00:20:17.478 --> 00:20:19.718

enjoyed Sunday lunches together and cooking.

00:20:19.858 --> 00:20:24.258

I moved there into my place. And in 2014, she passed away.

00:20:24.478 --> 00:20:30.058

And in that passing, she left me and brought me my amazing wife, Michelle.

00:20:30.298 --> 00:20:32.398

Oh, okay. Whoa. What do you mean?

00:20:32.718 --> 00:20:34.838

That sounds like a story. Yeah.

00:20:35.378 --> 00:20:39.458

The story goes, I mean, at this point, my grandmother was such a fighter.

00:20:39.518 --> 00:20:41.018

She was hanging on for dear life.

00:20:41.378 --> 00:20:46.578

And I, luckily I had a client at the time who was coming to my gym and just

00:20:46.578 --> 00:20:49.778

saw that one morning she asked me, she goes, how are you doing Rahz?

00:20:50.418 --> 00:20:54.798

And I was not used to people asking me how I was doing. I'm the person that

00:20:54.798 --> 00:20:58.258

asked you how you're doing. I'm there to inspire you and motivate you.

00:20:58.618 --> 00:21:03.638

And for the first time as a Leo and a male, I was never taught that you could

00:21:03.638 --> 00:21:05.998

be vulnerable. You could show that emotion.

00:21:06.498 --> 00:21:11.518

And I broke down. I started to almost cry. And she'd listened to me for about an hour.

00:21:12.058 --> 00:21:18.818

And I was like, wow, this is the first female that ever really hit that emotional trigger in me.

00:21:19.258 --> 00:21:23.758

And within a short period of time, we started dating and she was with me when

00:21:23.758 --> 00:21:25.658

my grandmother got sick in her final days.

00:21:25.858 --> 00:21:29.618

And I believe that that's why my grandma was willing to cross over because she

00:21:29.618 --> 00:21:32.678

knew that I was going to be taken care of by an amazing woman. Wow.

00:21:32.978 --> 00:21:38.678

What a beautiful story of such a sad moment it in your time,

00:21:38.738 --> 00:21:44.818

but you can look at it now and you can see this gift that was given to you almost

00:21:44.818 --> 00:21:46.598

by your grandmother. I think that's amazing.

00:21:47.118 --> 00:21:52.058

Yeah. Just one of the many gifts. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I can only imagine.

00:21:52.858 --> 00:21:58.178

After that, did you stay in that part of town or did you move?

00:21:58.798 --> 00:22:03.578

Yeah. So for after that, we, a couple of my wife, well, she was my girlfriend

00:22:03.578 --> 00:22:06.398

at the time We decided that we were going to get a place together.

00:22:06.558 --> 00:22:10.638

And she had two amazing little boys. One was nine and 12.

00:22:10.938 --> 00:22:18.178

And we got a place and we started this chapter of my life of being a stepfather and a husband soon to be.

00:22:18.458 --> 00:22:22.458

And within a couple of years, we decided, you know what? I'm tired of the cold.

00:22:22.658 --> 00:22:24.658

My body is not made for snow.

00:22:25.278 --> 00:22:31.618

And we took a ride to Florida and we moved in 2018. We moved to South Florida here.

00:22:31.698 --> 00:22:34.238

And that's where we live today. day. Oh, wow. Amazing.

00:22:34.678 --> 00:22:40.478

Did you guys immediately like the transition or ever regret the choice?

00:22:41.397 --> 00:22:44.537

Man, never, never. I mean, I can't tell you that.

00:22:45.217 --> 00:22:48.797

There are a lot of things that people can, I mean, I think that if you want

00:22:48.797 --> 00:22:51.017

to make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven, you can do it.

00:22:51.017 --> 00:22:52.757

And it starts with the six inches between your ears.

00:22:53.057 --> 00:22:57.517

So I choose to see everything as positive and awesome.

00:22:58.077 --> 00:23:02.357

And every morning I get to look out the sunny skies. I don't care if it's 110 degrees.

00:23:02.957 --> 00:23:07.297

It's okay. We have AC. Thank you fully. And it's great here,

00:23:07.377 --> 00:23:11.877

man. We love the ability to be outside and just do the things we want to do consistently.

00:23:12.157 --> 00:23:19.257

Yeah. Amazing. And I mean, knowing now what we know is two years later, the pandemic would hit.

00:23:19.297 --> 00:23:22.297

And ironically, you chose the best state to be in.

00:23:23.477 --> 00:23:28.837

You you're not lying, man. It was. And I tell people, you know,

00:23:28.837 --> 00:23:33.957

it felt like it really wasn't a pandemic because all we had to do was adjust

00:23:33.957 --> 00:23:37.477

occasionally. I mean, our state didn't want to wear masks.

00:23:37.677 --> 00:23:41.957

We didn't do anything. But in saying that, I truly think that,

00:23:41.957 --> 00:23:44.637

you know, everybody had felt the pandemic.

00:23:44.717 --> 00:23:49.917

I mean, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today for a profession had we not

00:23:49.917 --> 00:23:53.177

all had to endear and and and overcome something.

00:23:53.357 --> 00:23:58.937

And I had to close my gyms and really pivot my entire life within a short few months.

00:23:59.617 --> 00:24:06.037

Wow. So your gym. So did you open up more gyms down here in Florida?

00:24:06.557 --> 00:24:11.357

So when I, when I first got here in 2018, I did, I started a gym right here

00:24:11.357 --> 00:24:14.457

in the local town and we were kicking butt and taking names.

00:24:14.677 --> 00:24:19.117

And then, you know, the pandemic happened and everything shut down gym world,

00:24:19.177 --> 00:24:23.297

the theater world, a lot of the service-based, you know, businesses struggled.

00:24:23.397 --> 00:24:26.397

And I didn't think that we were going to be able to make it out of that.

00:24:26.537 --> 00:24:31.657

So I closed them, sold my equipment pennies on the dollar and really took a

00:24:31.657 --> 00:24:33.497

couple of weeks to go, you know, what is it?

00:24:33.837 --> 00:24:36.917

What's this chapter look like? And I did what I always do.

00:24:36.977 --> 00:24:41.317

Whenever I'm stuck, I go to a book, I go to a coach, I go to somewhere that's

00:24:41.317 --> 00:24:42.837

going to find some inspiration.

00:24:43.837 --> 00:24:48.737

And I realized that I didn't want to chase money. I didn't want to have to go and say, you know what?

00:24:48.997 --> 00:24:51.717

Oh man, how am I going to make my mortgage or rent?

00:24:51.817 --> 00:24:54.537

I wanted to do something that was going to inspire me to get up early,

00:24:54.677 --> 00:24:57.637

stay up late, and really just make an impact in this world.

00:24:57.717 --> 00:25:00.597

And I decided to write a book called Student Success Secrets.

00:25:00.597 --> 00:25:07.817

Okay, so not everybody just jumps to the idea of writing a book. What made you decide to,

00:25:08.369 --> 00:25:12.429

that you had to write a book and why on the topic that you chose?

00:25:12.729 --> 00:25:17.269

Oh, great question. So the reason the book was, it was the book that I needed at 13.

00:25:17.509 --> 00:25:22.809

I knew that if you were gonna create success in your life, there were specific principles.

00:25:23.089 --> 00:25:26.829

There are things that people who were successful did. And growing up without

00:25:26.829 --> 00:25:30.729

a father, growing up without any male role models in my life,

00:25:30.789 --> 00:25:34.229

I never had that North Star outside of my grandmother.

00:25:34.309 --> 00:25:37.989

And my grandmother had a second grade education. So she really couldn't expand

00:25:37.989 --> 00:25:43.709

my mindset when it comes to business and entrepreneurship and thinking big and outside of the box.

00:25:44.049 --> 00:25:49.049

And so I thought to myself, if I was 13, what are the principles?

00:25:49.149 --> 00:25:51.049

What are the secrets? What would I need to know?

00:25:51.309 --> 00:25:55.369

And within a couple of days, I sat down and these thoughts just started pouring

00:25:55.369 --> 00:25:59.309

out of me, Kevin. And within a short period of time, the book was done.

00:25:59.469 --> 00:26:02.389

My wife helped me write it. We got to co-author it together.

00:26:03.149 --> 00:26:07.489

And I knew instantly that this book was going to be the catalyst for the work

00:26:07.489 --> 00:26:08.809

that I do the rest of my life.

00:26:09.469 --> 00:26:15.329

Wow. That is pretty darn incredible. You know, man, I, I'm always a firm believer

00:26:15.329 --> 00:26:22.109

that even in the bad situations of life, good can come out of it if we choose.

00:26:22.569 --> 00:26:29.049

And you hear so many stories of people who turned this time of the pandemic

00:26:29.049 --> 00:26:33.749

when life as they knew it, their business as they knew it was destroyed.

00:26:33.749 --> 00:26:38.689

And then they, you know, went off in a different direction. The same thing that happened in my life.

00:26:39.089 --> 00:26:44.729

And so I think that's really amazing with you that you did that.

00:26:45.149 --> 00:26:51.869

I guess I'm wondering with this book, what exactly did you write?

00:26:51.929 --> 00:26:54.549

Like what in it? Is it a story? Is it a manual?

00:26:54.929 --> 00:26:59.769

How would you describe it? I would describe it as a playbook for success for

00:26:59.769 --> 00:27:02.529

creating a unstoppable mindset for a teenager.

00:27:02.529 --> 00:27:07.729

So it's seven secrets that specifically every teen, if they implement,

00:27:08.109 --> 00:27:13.109

can definitely develop a growth mindset and persevere through any challenges

00:27:13.109 --> 00:27:16.749

in their lives, whether it's bullying, whether it's self-esteem problems,

00:27:17.009 --> 00:27:22.089

whether it's just not liking themselves, or maybe their family life is a little bit of a struggle.

00:27:22.089 --> 00:27:25.109

Struggle these seven secrets within the book really

00:27:25.109 --> 00:27:27.969

outline exactly what to do how to do

00:27:27.969 --> 00:27:30.929

it and why you should do it and it gives you the ability

00:27:30.929 --> 00:27:36.049

to create it the way you want in your own unique self not the way i wrote it

00:27:36.049 --> 00:27:41.689

now the book has stories it has thinking questions it isn't basically a roadmap

00:27:41.689 --> 00:27:49.109

for figuring things out for yourself did you write it specifically thinking of the the...

00:27:49.968 --> 00:27:53.728

Student or also thinking about possibly the parent?

00:27:54.148 --> 00:27:58.788

It's turned into a manual for parents as well, but I wrote it with the student

00:27:58.788 --> 00:28:04.708

in mind because I felt like I was in the room by myself and I didn't have anyone to talk to.

00:28:04.808 --> 00:28:08.468

So when I wrote the book, I wrote it in language that they could understand,

00:28:08.608 --> 00:28:12.868

not in science-y stuff that we, you know, sometimes you read these books and

00:28:12.868 --> 00:28:15.808

you're like, oh, I need a dictionary just to figure out how to get through page

00:28:15.808 --> 00:28:19.448

two, you know, I really wanted them to go, oh, wow.

00:28:19.628 --> 00:28:23.608

And I made it into the length that I knew that anyone with a short attention

00:28:23.608 --> 00:28:29.388

span, because that's what I had, could get through 150 pages of the book. Okay. Okay.

00:28:30.008 --> 00:28:36.948

Incredible. Talk to me about how long did it end up taking you to end with a

00:28:36.948 --> 00:28:41.348

final product, this book, and then how did you begin to even promote it?

00:28:41.628 --> 00:28:46.068

Yeah. So it took, the writing of it was literally less than two weeks.

00:28:46.348 --> 00:28:50.208

Then we had to, you know, you got to get an editor, you got to get a framework,

00:28:50.408 --> 00:28:53.408

you got to get someone who's going to make sure it looks good.

00:28:53.568 --> 00:28:57.668

Once we did that, we were able to get a finished product within 90 days.

00:28:58.088 --> 00:29:03.708

And I had, in my background of fitness, I had mastered one skill set, which was marketing.

00:29:03.808 --> 00:29:07.068

So I understood how to self-publish. I had self-published two two other books

00:29:07.068 --> 00:29:09.128

prior to that in different niches.

00:29:09.528 --> 00:29:13.228

And I knew how to self-publish. So I was like, I'm going to self-publish this book.

00:29:13.308 --> 00:29:16.028

I'm going to go out there and I'm going to sling this book every way I know.

00:29:16.108 --> 00:29:19.528

From the back of my trunk, I'm going to tell anybody who wants to hear about it.

00:29:19.608 --> 00:29:23.408

And that is how we got to become an Amazon bestseller by just hustling,

00:29:23.528 --> 00:29:25.688

out hustling everybody in sight. Yeah.

00:29:26.048 --> 00:29:32.268

Amazing. Now, do you go and speak to schools or anything? thing?

00:29:32.528 --> 00:29:36.208

Yeah. So I used the book to, that was my original business plan.

00:29:36.408 --> 00:29:39.688

And once I thought about business, the first was just write the book.

00:29:39.788 --> 00:29:44.068

So I had no, like if I were to do it today, of course you should have things

00:29:44.068 --> 00:29:47.368

in the book that says, oh, this is how you could purchase more and in bulk.

00:29:47.448 --> 00:29:52.268

No, I just wanted, I had the in mind and the end user was the teenager who was struggling.

00:29:52.408 --> 00:29:55.528

But yeah, I've gone into schools and spoken all over the country.

00:29:55.728 --> 00:30:00.148

And now I utilize the book as There's a framework for a coaching program that

00:30:00.148 --> 00:30:01.668

I use with parents and teens.

00:30:02.768 --> 00:30:09.728

Okay, amazing. You know, man, I would only imagine given just your level of energy,

00:30:10.746 --> 00:30:13.786

Given the fact of you went through

00:30:13.786 --> 00:30:19.326

what you're teaching, I would imagine that kids really take to you.

00:30:19.366 --> 00:30:24.006

You know, that they, I would imagine that they feel comfortable listening to

00:30:24.006 --> 00:30:28.146

you and feel like you're somebody on their level who could relate with them.

00:30:28.306 --> 00:30:29.286

Do you find that to be true?

00:30:29.726 --> 00:30:34.166

I absolutely, I know that that's my gift. That's my superpower is my ability

00:30:34.166 --> 00:30:39.086

to be relevant in a teen's life. I don't come off as, you know,

00:30:39.086 --> 00:30:41.466

this adult male who knows it all.

00:30:41.586 --> 00:30:45.606

I try to do my best to connect with them on a deep level, speak their language.

00:30:45.786 --> 00:30:50.686

And I share I'm vulnerable with them where most adults struggle to be vulnerable

00:30:50.686 --> 00:30:54.506

with kids because they feel like the stigma they need to be a certain way.

00:30:54.506 --> 00:30:58.646

So when I'm working with a teenager, I connect with them and I share my life

00:30:58.646 --> 00:31:03.466

story, the good, the bad, and the prosperous times so that they can see,

00:31:03.526 --> 00:31:05.146

hey, it doesn't matter where you start.

00:31:05.266 --> 00:31:09.286

It doesn't matter the setbacks that you have. As long as you're willing to keep

00:31:09.286 --> 00:31:14.006

moving forward, you can create an amazing comeback. And that's what I feel like my life is.

00:31:14.866 --> 00:31:21.106

Yeah, absolutely. 100%. You say that parenting, and I guess this is obviously

00:31:21.106 --> 00:31:24.566

speaking to the parents, is a full-contact sport.

00:31:25.126 --> 00:31:30.226

Would you please explain what that means? Yeah, I'm a big sports fan.

00:31:30.366 --> 00:31:33.426

So, like, a lot of my analogies connect to sports.

00:31:33.526 --> 00:31:37.466

And when I think about parenting, especially parenting the modern teenager,

00:31:37.766 --> 00:31:39.246

it's a full-contact sport.

00:31:39.346 --> 00:31:44.486

And parents, you have to be willing to put on a helmet, put on a mouthpiece, and get into the game.

00:31:44.726 --> 00:31:48.706

And what does that mean? that means learning the language that your teens is speaking.

00:31:48.926 --> 00:31:53.966

That means really being willing to change your mindset, your parenting style

00:31:53.966 --> 00:31:56.686

to meet the demand that we have today.

00:31:56.946 --> 00:32:01.086

These kids have phones, they have the internet, they have so much exposure.

00:32:01.606 --> 00:32:06.506

And if you're still operating from a place back at Windows 7 back then when

00:32:06.506 --> 00:32:11.006

you were a child, you are not going to be able to parent today's modern teenager.

00:32:11.326 --> 00:32:14.406

And that just means when I say parenting is a full contact sport,

00:32:14.586 --> 00:32:16.666

you're going to get some banged up. You're going to get banged up.

00:32:16.766 --> 00:32:17.586

You're going to get some injuries.

00:32:17.706 --> 00:32:21.866

But if you're willing to bite down and push forward, you can help your kids

00:32:21.866 --> 00:32:25.926

navigate the confusing time of teenhood. Yeah, that's awesome.

00:32:26.566 --> 00:32:33.686

Would you mind sharing a little bit more, maybe about either the book or just

00:32:33.686 --> 00:32:38.146

some strategies, even in the coaching that you do, just to give somebody who's

00:32:38.146 --> 00:32:41.026

still unsure of exactly what

00:32:41.408 --> 00:32:44.988

what this would look like even working with you as a coach. Would you mind sharing

00:32:44.988 --> 00:32:49.288

a little bit deeper into what exactly you would do with them?

00:32:49.708 --> 00:32:52.988

Sure. Absolutely. So the first thing I'll share with you the book.

00:32:53.068 --> 00:32:58.308

So because one of the big things that I wanted to help teens shape is their mindset.

00:32:58.508 --> 00:33:02.568

And I fell in love with Carol Dweck's book, Mindset, years ago.

00:33:02.828 --> 00:33:07.068

And I've had some of the best coaches in the world help me shape my mindset.

00:33:07.348 --> 00:33:11.448

And there's three things that that parents need to really be willing to help their teens with.

00:33:11.808 --> 00:33:16.388

First thing, it's called the BAS method, their belief systems.

00:33:16.608 --> 00:33:19.688

They need to know where are these kids getting these belief systems,

00:33:19.808 --> 00:33:24.368

but most parents don't do enough reflecting to think where they get their belief systems.

00:33:24.728 --> 00:33:29.568

And so if we can reflect on our own belief systems, we can understand what we're

00:33:29.568 --> 00:33:31.408

passing down to the next generation.

00:33:31.608 --> 00:33:36.528

So helping their kid unpack belief systems, how would you do that? asking them questions.

00:33:36.728 --> 00:33:40.008

Why do you believe that, son? What are your beliefs on this?

00:33:40.308 --> 00:33:46.188

Where do you think you got that belief from? Do you believe that that's a fact or a story?

00:33:46.448 --> 00:33:50.068

Because when you help a kid get clear on their belief systems,

00:33:50.248 --> 00:33:52.988

now they can shift to the A, which is their attitude.

00:33:53.388 --> 00:33:56.668

Too often, we're seeing a lot of teenagers, and I say teenagers,

00:33:56.808 --> 00:34:02.768

but we're talking even at five to 10, their attitude is negative. I'm not enough.

00:34:03.028 --> 00:34:06.928

I'm not smart as him. I'm not as pretty as her. I'm not, I'm not.

00:34:07.148 --> 00:34:12.608

But if you don't change that attitude early on before that, it starts to get almost set in.

00:34:12.868 --> 00:34:15.448

You're going to have a struggle on your hands because these kids,

00:34:15.468 --> 00:34:18.988

which is going to lead to the S, which is that self-talk, right?

00:34:19.088 --> 00:34:22.668

If you're saying things about yourself and Kevin, I know you and I've had a chat before.

00:34:22.748 --> 00:34:26.268

If we were saying things about ourselves and about what we had to go through

00:34:26.268 --> 00:34:30.488

and how life was so terrible and how we We could you think we'd be here today

00:34:30.488 --> 00:34:32.248

with an open mind and positive?

00:34:32.448 --> 00:34:38.728

Most likely no. Right now. So the BAS method really helps parents and the teen

00:34:38.728 --> 00:34:41.948

shape the most important thing they need, which is their mindset,

00:34:42.068 --> 00:34:42.948

changing their beliefs,

00:34:43.108 --> 00:34:47.548

shifting their attitude and taking that negative self-talk and turning it into

00:34:47.548 --> 00:34:52.888

empowering affirmations that allow them to really see themselves in their unique

00:34:52.888 --> 00:34:55.748

abilities to move forward in life. Wow.

00:34:55.968 --> 00:35:01.468

You know what? I come back to that thing that I asked you about earlier, the full contact sport.

00:35:01.768 --> 00:35:08.428

The way that you talk about this is a way in which I don't know that most people

00:35:08.428 --> 00:35:12.468

think about parenting is like literally diving in,

00:35:12.528 --> 00:35:17.368

like headfirst into it all the way, uncovering the layers, uncovering the layers.

00:35:18.137 --> 00:35:22.097

The way you talk is just a way that, I mean, I've never even really thought about it.

00:35:22.337 --> 00:35:25.397

Yeah, I have to be. And in all honesty, here it is.

00:35:25.457 --> 00:35:29.297

You know, when you're blessed with two amazing boys and you don't have you don't

00:35:29.297 --> 00:35:31.317

have anything to go back on.

00:35:31.357 --> 00:35:33.917

There was no precedent on how Rouse is going to be a father.

00:35:34.117 --> 00:35:38.337

So I did. I read the books. I jumped in and I said, OK, how do I do this?

00:35:38.417 --> 00:35:41.997

And then I realized that I and you've heard me use the analogy of operating

00:35:41.997 --> 00:35:46.177

with I was operating with old program in Windows 7 at the time.

00:35:46.197 --> 00:35:50.317

I was like, oh, yeah, this is my house. and you got to do it my way and I'm the boss.

00:35:50.577 --> 00:35:53.537

You know why I had that programming? Because that's what I heard my mother's

00:35:53.537 --> 00:35:56.317

boyfriend say. That's what I heard my grandmother's boyfriend say.

00:35:56.477 --> 00:36:00.677

And I didn't want to parent that way. So I had to roll up my sleeves and be

00:36:00.677 --> 00:36:04.717

willing to go, okay, how do I peel this onion back and find out who Rahz is?

00:36:04.817 --> 00:36:06.457

What is his belief systems on parenting?

00:36:06.797 --> 00:36:11.557

And what kind of parent do I want to be? And how do I not be that parent who

00:36:11.557 --> 00:36:15.997

creates adverse childhood experiences that are negative in a child's life?

00:36:15.997 --> 00:36:21.317

How do I empower them so that they can become amazing adults in the future?

00:36:21.637 --> 00:36:25.957

And so I believe unequivocally that, you know, being a parent,

00:36:26.037 --> 00:36:30.497

you have to be willing to go, hey, I don't know something, but I'm willing to learn.

00:36:30.617 --> 00:36:33.597

I'm going to have an open mind. I'm going to learn that son,

00:36:33.737 --> 00:36:38.697

daughter, and I'm willing to do it with you and make it a collaborative effort,

00:36:38.837 --> 00:36:42.797

not something that we're just barking orders and lecturing, but we're doing

00:36:42.797 --> 00:36:44.837

it together. That is what parenting is.

00:36:44.977 --> 00:36:47.657

And that is how you become a successful parent with these kids.

00:36:47.717 --> 00:36:51.457

Because you know what? Every child is an individual. Yeah, absolutely.

00:36:52.337 --> 00:36:57.837

What about for, and you know this better than anybody, what about for the step parents out there?

00:36:57.917 --> 00:37:02.537

Because I know that can be a funny line that they're walking,

00:37:02.677 --> 00:37:06.537

especially if they're coming into a kid's life when they're older.

00:37:07.057 --> 00:37:12.377

Do you have any advice around that? Wow. That's I mean, that's not only is it a fantastic question.

00:37:12.477 --> 00:37:16.017

I thank you for asking me because it's probably one of my favorite questions.

00:37:16.357 --> 00:37:20.177

And the reason I say that is that it's such a gift. First and foremost,

00:37:20.277 --> 00:37:24.537

if you have the opportunity to step into a child's life and impact them,

00:37:24.637 --> 00:37:27.017

you have to embrace the fact that it's a gift.

00:37:27.197 --> 00:37:30.977

That's the first shift you need to have. And the second thing is you need to

00:37:30.977 --> 00:37:34.137

say, hey, let's have a time. You got to be patient.

00:37:34.317 --> 00:37:37.557

The biggest tip is be patient. You can't walk into the door and think,

00:37:37.697 --> 00:37:39.877

hey, I'm your father, I'm your mother.

00:37:40.017 --> 00:37:43.197

You have to be willing to say, hey, I want to be your friend first.

00:37:43.537 --> 00:37:47.757

And you got to develop rapport and you got to be willing to let them go through the process.

00:37:47.937 --> 00:37:53.277

And you have to release any doubt in your mind that you are going to impact

00:37:53.277 --> 00:37:54.837

this young person's life.

00:37:55.037 --> 00:37:59.657

And most importantly, you don't have to force it. Let it happen naturally.

00:38:00.537 --> 00:38:07.417

I love that very much. For somebody who has never heard about a coach like you

00:38:07.417 --> 00:38:10.997

before, what does it look like working with you?

00:38:11.611 --> 00:38:16.411

So, yeah, I mean, I can tell you that when I started, I came up with the term. Now I hear it a lot now.

00:38:16.511 --> 00:38:19.511

But, you know, if you're going to work with a parenting coach,

00:38:19.791 --> 00:38:24.471

a teen life coach, it's really it has is what it looks like for me is you're

00:38:24.471 --> 00:38:26.751

going to be I'm going to be part of your family's team.

00:38:27.031 --> 00:38:30.611

And I'm coming in and looking at, you know, looking under the hood and saying,

00:38:30.671 --> 00:38:31.891

hey, what's not working?

00:38:32.311 --> 00:38:37.871

What's working? What should we change? And usually it starts with what I call my three C's.

00:38:37.931 --> 00:38:42.031

The first thing is clarity. You got to get clarity in your parenting style.

00:38:42.251 --> 00:38:46.091

So I'm going to tell you, hey, this is what I see from your diagnostic.

00:38:46.691 --> 00:38:51.611

This is your parenting style. And from the reason that we're on this call or

00:38:51.611 --> 00:38:55.391

we're meeting right now is that your parenting style has some faulty programming.

00:38:55.631 --> 00:38:58.591

So we need to make some shifts. And here is what we need to do here.

00:38:58.871 --> 00:39:01.711

I'm going to meet with the kid, build some rapport, learn about the kid.

00:39:01.731 --> 00:39:04.611

And then I'm going to say, hey, you know, here are the things that you need to work on.

00:39:04.671 --> 00:39:09.611

And then together, we're going to put the plan together. And it's social emotional learning.

00:39:09.711 --> 00:39:13.311

But when you have that first C, which is clarity, then we're going to work on

00:39:13.311 --> 00:39:17.031

communication, essential communication, so that we're not talking,

00:39:17.051 --> 00:39:18.911

but we're listening more than we're talking.

00:39:19.031 --> 00:39:23.471

And we're learning the child specific way of taking information in,

00:39:23.531 --> 00:39:26.451

as well as how they want to be spoken to.

00:39:26.551 --> 00:39:29.471

Some kids can be spoken to like, hey, you want to win?

00:39:29.591 --> 00:39:33.191

Get up, let's go work out. But if you raise your tonality at some kids,

00:39:33.271 --> 00:39:34.571

it's going to make them shrink.

00:39:34.571 --> 00:39:38.311

And if you don't know that about your child and you're using that style,

00:39:38.531 --> 00:39:41.791

you're doing more harm than you're doing good, even though you believe your

00:39:41.791 --> 00:39:44.691

intentions are to motivate them and inspire them.

00:39:44.811 --> 00:39:49.951

And that last part is building your own parental confidence as well as your child's confidence.

00:39:50.071 --> 00:39:53.251

So you have the clarity, the communication and confidence.

00:39:53.391 --> 00:39:55.431

That is how you become an empowered parent.

00:39:55.611 --> 00:40:00.191

And when you're an empowered parent, you can empower and inspire your child to become unstoppable.

00:40:00.651 --> 00:40:02.691

Wow, dude. Amazing.

00:40:03.591 --> 00:40:10.511

My question, as I was listening to you, I kept just coming back to the one thought in my mind.

00:40:11.031 --> 00:40:17.611

Where did this passion come from? Because we're not just talking about bullying,

00:40:17.731 --> 00:40:18.891

something you were experiencing.

00:40:19.271 --> 00:40:22.911

But I mean, it's one thing to write a book on this.

00:40:23.031 --> 00:40:28.271

It's one thing to do that. But to speak with your level of passion and conviction

00:40:28.271 --> 00:40:32.531

over the stuff that you do, where do you feel like that comes from?

00:40:33.190 --> 00:40:36.130

I believe we're all blessed with a superpower, a gift.

00:40:36.530 --> 00:40:41.610

And some of us miss our gift because we're not willing to be quiet enough or

00:40:41.610 --> 00:40:44.950

to just sit with it and say, hey, what is the gift that I have?

00:40:45.130 --> 00:40:49.270

I had the dream of being in the NBA, but that wasn't my gift.

00:40:49.930 --> 00:40:55.350

Right, I've shit with everybody that before. So my gift is my ability to connect

00:40:55.350 --> 00:40:58.510

and to inspire and motivate people.

00:40:58.810 --> 00:41:03.550

So I know that if I'm going to do that, I have to be the best I can.

00:41:03.750 --> 00:41:08.490

And I go back to an early mentor who changed my life, Tony Robbins.

00:41:08.630 --> 00:41:12.970

And the reason I learned from him at an early stage, he always said that if

00:41:12.970 --> 00:41:17.970

you want to learn something, you don't go to the eighth best person to learn from.

00:41:18.110 --> 00:41:22.630

You don't go to the 10th best or the second. You go to the best person you know

00:41:22.630 --> 00:41:27.830

who can teach you what they've done so that you can learn it and come back and bring it to your people.

00:41:27.990 --> 00:41:31.970

And that's what I did. I really just, I didn't know any parenting coaches.

00:41:32.170 --> 00:41:35.110

I didn't know anyone who did the way I did. I didn't want to go and say,

00:41:35.150 --> 00:41:38.170

oh, I'm a psychologist. I'm a licensed clinical specialist. I'm a therapist.

00:41:38.530 --> 00:41:42.210

Kids don't want to go to another therapist. And I never wanted to go because

00:41:42.210 --> 00:41:43.450

I didn't think I was broken.

00:41:43.690 --> 00:41:47.790

Most people, when you go to these people, they make you feel like you're broken and need fixing.

00:41:48.090 --> 00:41:53.250

And when I'm coaching a parent, I'm letting them know that their child is special.

00:41:53.470 --> 00:41:56.010

Their child is unique. Their child is a gift.

00:41:56.310 --> 00:42:00.210

I'm not fixing them. I'm just giving you some tool sets. I'm going to share

00:42:00.210 --> 00:42:04.330

with you a few different mindsets. And together, we're going to inspire this

00:42:04.330 --> 00:42:07.110

kid to step into their greatness, how they are.

00:42:07.330 --> 00:42:12.610

And when you give a child and a parent these tools, they can see and have hope

00:42:12.610 --> 00:42:14.790

that there is an opportunity for them.

00:42:14.870 --> 00:42:17.970

And it doesn't matter if they're an A student or they're a D student,

00:42:18.030 --> 00:42:19.430

because grades don't matter.

00:42:19.510 --> 00:42:22.970

We teach about the mindset and how you can move forward and find your gift.

00:42:22.970 --> 00:42:26.890

So my passion comes from that superpower, that place of, hey,

00:42:27.010 --> 00:42:29.690

I'm embracing something that just is within me.

00:42:29.830 --> 00:42:33.830

And then I'm willing to go find the information and the knowledge I need to

00:42:33.830 --> 00:42:34.990

take it to the next level.

00:42:35.350 --> 00:42:40.090

Rahz, I'm not even a parent and I'm like, man, I need some more of this guy in

00:42:40.090 --> 00:42:43.830

my life because just listening to you, man, I'm like, man,

00:42:44.150 --> 00:42:47.930

I ain't got no kids, but man, am I, I'm going to be having to do some stuff

00:42:47.930 --> 00:42:50.390

with my little dog, Sophia, with what this guy is teaching.

00:42:53.930 --> 00:42:59.570

Oh man, for somebody who wants to learn more about what you have to offer,

00:42:59.670 --> 00:43:03.690

who wants to find your book, where's the best places for us to send them? Yeah, man.

00:43:03.770 --> 00:43:06.110

I mean, if you want to find the book, you can go on Amazon.

00:43:06.410 --> 00:43:10.530

It's Student Success Secrets, Unlock the Seven Secrets for Inspiring,

00:43:10.570 --> 00:43:12.290

Motivating, Success-Driven Teens.

00:43:12.510 --> 00:43:16.750

And if you want to connect with me, it's theunstoppableteenager.com.

00:43:16.790 --> 00:43:19.270

That's a place where you can go and learn all things parenting,

00:43:19.430 --> 00:43:23.290

teen life coaching, as well as just coming and hanging out with us and learning

00:43:23.290 --> 00:43:26.470

how we can all make an impact in some young person's life.

00:43:27.210 --> 00:43:32.910

Yeah, dude. Man, Rahz, it's been a real pleasure today getting to hear your story,

00:43:32.990 --> 00:43:35.630

but more so than even your story,

00:43:35.790 --> 00:43:42.410

to be honest with you, it's hearing how just lit up you are inside,

00:43:42.710 --> 00:43:45.490

how passionate you are about what you get to do.

00:43:46.010 --> 00:43:50.850

And again, you know, we talked about, you know, good coming from the bad and,

00:43:50.870 --> 00:43:57.170

you know, the pandemic and totally changed directions, but I feel like it changed

00:43:57.170 --> 00:43:59.770

for the good because it landed you right your superpower.

00:44:00.350 --> 00:44:05.790

Yes, sir. Absolutely. I think that I have been coaching for over two and a half decades,

00:44:05.910 --> 00:44:11.290

but now I'm coaching the individuals and the people that I feel like can make

00:44:11.290 --> 00:44:15.450

the biggest and most impactful impact in their lives for the future.

00:44:15.710 --> 00:44:18.930

And one of the things that I always knew is that you don't want to just have

00:44:18.930 --> 00:44:20.110

the time you're here. You want

00:44:20.110 --> 00:44:22.990

to make sure that you leave this place a better place than you came in.

00:44:23.130 --> 00:44:26.390

And this opportunity definitely provides me that benefit.

00:44:26.650 --> 00:44:31.210

Yeah, dude. Amazing. Dude, thank you for being here so much.

00:44:31.550 --> 00:44:35.310

Do you have any final parting words before we close out today?

00:44:35.650 --> 00:44:38.690

I want to thank you for allowing me to share my story.

00:44:38.850 --> 00:44:43.690

I really do appreciate it. It's an honor to be on your podcast and on your platform

00:44:43.690 --> 00:44:45.150

and sharing this powerful story.

00:44:45.510 --> 00:44:50.030

And I always leave with one of my favorite quotes by the amazing Helen Keller.

00:44:50.230 --> 00:44:54.190

Life is either a daring venture or nothing at all. So I wish that you all go

00:44:54.190 --> 00:44:56.930

out there and and create your most daring and adventurous life.

00:44:57.090 --> 00:44:59.090

Thank you. Absolutely amazing.

00:44:59.870 --> 00:45:06.630

For you listening today, I hope you are smiling as big as I am right now because,

00:45:06.750 --> 00:45:09.590

well, this guy is absolutely incredible.

00:45:10.170 --> 00:45:12.970

So please be sure to check out today's show notes.

00:45:13.130 --> 00:45:17.670

I will leave links to all of the places he mentioned where you can get plugged

00:45:17.670 --> 00:45:20.250

into his world, find his book on Amazon.

00:45:20.390 --> 00:45:23.970

All of that is in the show notes today for easy access.

00:45:24.670 --> 00:45:29.950

And with that, I leave you with one mission to get out there and enjoy the day.

00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:50.000

Music.