Show Transcript

00:00:00.817 --> 00:00:05.917

Have you ever found yourself at a point in life, maybe it's even where you are

00:00:05.917 --> 00:00:08.877

right now, where you kind of feel like you're in a hole?

00:00:09.157 --> 00:00:14.097

You've had something happen that's kind of shook you, that's made you look at

00:00:14.097 --> 00:00:15.417

life from a different angle.

00:00:15.857 --> 00:00:19.637

And to be honest, you don't really understand who you even are,

00:00:19.817 --> 00:00:24.197

what you're doing, where you're going, and you just feel lost.

00:00:24.197 --> 00:00:27.357

Lost well you're not alone in matter

00:00:27.357 --> 00:00:30.537

of fact today's guest alan Lazaros he

00:00:30.537 --> 00:00:37.697

was in that very position now what's awesome about alan's story is that he's

00:00:37.697 --> 00:00:43.497

going to prove to you that there's a way out and as you hear his story he's

00:00:43.497 --> 00:00:47.657

going to help you at the same time today's episode is one that

00:00:47.877 --> 00:00:52.657

you're probably going to want to take some notes on because the information,

00:00:52.917 --> 00:01:00.377

the stories, just the unbelievable knowledge dropped in your lap by Alan Lazaros

00:01:00.377 --> 00:01:01.997

is absolutely incredible.

00:01:02.357 --> 00:01:07.417

My friend, this is the episode that is going to take things to the next level,

00:01:07.597 --> 00:01:13.097

helping you to level up your life, your love, your health, and your wealth.

00:01:13.277 --> 00:01:15.897

This is episode 296.

00:01:17.657 --> 00:01:17.777

Bye.

00:01:19.312 --> 00:01:23.092

Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,

00:01:23.172 --> 00:01:25.032

they're just doors to better days.

00:01:25.312 --> 00:01:29.212

And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

00:01:29.372 --> 00:01:32.872

Your host, Kevin Lowe, he's been flipping the script on his own life,

00:01:33.092 --> 00:01:37.372

turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight-up inspiration,

00:01:37.732 --> 00:01:40.192

motivation, and encouragement just for you.

00:01:40.352 --> 00:01:44.452

So, kick back, relax, and let me introduce you to your host,

00:01:44.652 --> 00:01:52.772

Kevin Lowe. My friend, is there any chance that you are looking to get the most out of this summer?

00:01:52.912 --> 00:01:59.012

That you are ready to make these summer months into a launch pad to be sure

00:01:59.012 --> 00:02:03.032

that the second half of 2024 is your best year ever?

00:02:03.232 --> 00:02:07.732

Well, then you need to take advantage of my sizzling summer special.

00:02:08.052 --> 00:02:12.052

I'm offering free coaching sessions all summer long.

00:02:12.052 --> 00:02:19.032

Yes, all June, July, and August, I have opened up my calendar for you to book

00:02:19.032 --> 00:02:25.052

a free 30-minute breakthrough coaching session where we can get clear on your goals,

00:02:25.252 --> 00:02:32.832

figure out what's standing in your way, and to set you up for success in the second half of 2024.

00:02:33.472 --> 00:02:40.032

All you have to do to grab your spot is to text SUMMER2024. That is all one

00:02:40.032 --> 00:02:46.652

word, no spaces, SUMMER2024 to the phone number 33777.

00:02:46.732 --> 00:02:50.272

That is 33777.

00:02:50.432 --> 00:02:54.652

And I will respond with a link for you to book your session.

00:02:54.872 --> 00:02:59.892

Now, if you would rather just have a link to click, well, then just scroll down

00:02:59.892 --> 00:03:03.352

and check out today's show notes where you can do just that.

00:03:04.324 --> 00:03:07.524

And with that, it's back to today's episode.

00:03:09.324 --> 00:03:13.644

I used to listen to shows, podcasts, and I used to hear these people tell their

00:03:13.644 --> 00:03:16.824

stories and they always seemed so articulate and they seemed like they had it

00:03:16.824 --> 00:03:19.864

all figured out and they seemed like they understood the narrative.

00:03:20.284 --> 00:03:23.764

And now here I am nine years later, I started listening to podcasts nine years

00:03:23.764 --> 00:03:25.184

ago and I'm a podcaster as well.

00:03:25.324 --> 00:03:28.004

And so now I'm telling my story starting to sound like that.

00:03:28.064 --> 00:03:32.504

So the first thing I want to share with everybody is I did not have any of this

00:03:32.504 --> 00:03:35.104

figured out So when I share my story,

00:03:35.264 --> 00:03:40.384

that is my 35-year-old re-watching the movie of my own life version.

00:03:40.504 --> 00:03:44.084

It is not the understanding that I had at the time during it.

00:03:44.264 --> 00:03:47.644

So I always use Finding Nemo as a reference because it's an awesome movie.

00:03:47.784 --> 00:03:51.184

I went and saw Finding Nemo when it was 2003 when I was in, I think,

00:03:51.204 --> 00:03:55.704

middle school. I used to ride my bike to Bellingham and to the movie theater.

00:03:56.104 --> 00:03:58.724

And we were supposed to see a different movie. We ended up seeing Finding Nemo.

00:03:59.424 --> 00:04:02.404

But my point of Finding Nemo is I saw that movie when I was a kid.

00:04:02.404 --> 00:04:05.264

And then my second date with my beautiful girlfriend, Amelia,

00:04:05.484 --> 00:04:07.464

I ended up watching Finding Nemo again.

00:04:07.964 --> 00:04:13.504

And there was jokes that I now understand. There was moral of the story I now kind of understand.

00:04:13.584 --> 00:04:17.404

So when you're an adult and you see a movie that you saw as a kid,

00:04:17.644 --> 00:04:21.144

you recognize things in the movie.

00:04:21.204 --> 00:04:23.764

Nothing changed about the movie. Something changed inside of you.

00:04:24.264 --> 00:04:29.204

Yes. And so when I tell this story, I want everyone to understand that I am

00:04:29.204 --> 00:04:34.204

telling it from the 35-year-old frame of reference, having rewatched the movie of my life.

00:04:34.264 --> 00:04:37.144

Whereas at the time, I had no clue what was going on.

00:04:37.384 --> 00:04:41.464

So I was born into adversity, although I didn't know that at the time.

00:04:41.484 --> 00:04:43.204

Again, that'll be a theme. Yes.

00:04:43.944 --> 00:04:48.084

And I was two years old and my father died in a car accident when he was 28.

00:04:49.944 --> 00:04:57.784

So he was 28. My sister was six. I was almost three. So I was two and my mom was 31.

00:04:58.324 --> 00:05:04.824

And my real last name is actually McCorkle. So I came from the McCorkles and

00:05:04.824 --> 00:05:10.004

my birth father, John, John McCorkle, had five siblings.

00:05:10.084 --> 00:05:12.784

So six kids, big Irish Catholic family.

00:05:13.384 --> 00:05:16.804

John, Joe, Jim, Jane, Joan, Jeanette, all J.

00:05:17.744 --> 00:05:23.484

And so when he had passed away, my stepfather came into the picture and my stepfather,

00:05:23.524 --> 00:05:28.304

so my last name, Alan Lazaros, I took his last name, which was Lazaros when I was around seven.

00:05:28.664 --> 00:05:31.524

So between ages three and 14...

00:05:32.510 --> 00:05:37.510

We kind of didn't talk much or at all, really, with the McCorkles.

00:05:38.070 --> 00:05:41.190

And the reason why is we were trying to be the Lazaroses, quote unquote.

00:05:41.710 --> 00:05:45.950

And so it was me, my mom, my sister, and my stepfather, Steve Lazaros.

00:05:45.990 --> 00:05:49.190

And my mom and stepfather did not get along well.

00:05:49.470 --> 00:05:52.150

And that is a polite way to say it on a public medium.

00:05:52.530 --> 00:05:56.230

Yes. And so, and again, I didn't have the courage to share any of this until

00:05:56.230 --> 00:05:59.510

my 30s. So you're in for a real treat, Kev. No, I'm kidding. Yeah.

00:06:00.610 --> 00:06:04.490

But again, I didn't understand any of this until recently. I started doing therapy

00:06:04.490 --> 00:06:08.890

in my 30s, Kevin, and I reflected again on all this and now I kind of get it.

00:06:08.930 --> 00:06:14.430

So from three to 14, I had a stepfather and I now playfully refer to that part

00:06:14.430 --> 00:06:16.070

of my life as boats and BS.

00:06:16.650 --> 00:06:20.890

And so we had motorcycles, we had snowmobiles, we had trucks.

00:06:21.010 --> 00:06:26.050

My mom drove a BMW. We had ski trips and we had vacations and we had a yacht

00:06:26.050 --> 00:06:29.430

and we had ocean boats and all kinds of stuff. Not to mention,

00:06:29.490 --> 00:06:32.130

it was also the 90s, late 90s, early 2000s.

00:06:32.490 --> 00:06:36.810

And the 90s, particularly in the US, but globally, the dot-com bubble,

00:06:36.930 --> 00:06:38.350

the economy was booming.

00:06:38.530 --> 00:06:42.350

And so, there was definitely a lot of money. My stepfather worked for a company

00:06:42.350 --> 00:06:45.670

called Agfa. They did hospital computers during the computer boom.

00:06:46.090 --> 00:06:49.370

And so, we did very well financially. initially at 14.

00:06:49.470 --> 00:06:53.990

So I was, I was Xbox, Dreamcast. I was, I was early Christmas presents,

00:06:54.070 --> 00:06:56.930

but at home things weren't good behind the scenes, but it looked really good

00:06:56.930 --> 00:07:00.870

from the outside looking in based on the boats and the, and the snowmobiles

00:07:00.870 --> 00:07:01.790

and the vacations, all that stuff.

00:07:02.010 --> 00:07:06.990

So 14 years old come, I'm 14 and my stepfather leaves.

00:07:07.410 --> 00:07:13.070

Now he takes not only 90% of the income with him. And I go from Dreamcast,

00:07:13.070 --> 00:07:14.950

Xbox, early Christmas presents.

00:07:15.030 --> 00:07:19.970

I'm quote unquote, the rich kid living on a small pond, big lake to,

00:07:20.090 --> 00:07:23.490

I now get free lunch at school because our income is so low.

00:07:23.990 --> 00:07:26.990

I now shop at Salvation Army for clothing.

00:07:27.110 --> 00:07:31.730

My mom trades in her BMW for a little Honda Civic back in the early 2000s.

00:07:31.770 --> 00:07:36.390

And not only that, but my stepdad leaves and takes his entire extended family with him.

00:07:36.470 --> 00:07:41.310

So my grandma, Joan, grandpa, George, my uncles and aunts, that whole side of the family gone.

00:07:41.470 --> 00:07:44.490

I haven't spoken to a single one of them since. Wow. Yeah.

00:08:09.195 --> 00:08:15.015

My mom and her sister got in a fight, my Aunt Sandy, and my Aunt Sandy kind

00:08:15.015 --> 00:08:18.395

of ostracized us from her side of the family, the Higgins.

00:08:18.495 --> 00:08:20.855

So we're not talking on the McCorkle's, my birth father's side,

00:08:20.995 --> 00:08:25.455

because we're being Lazaroses. The Lazaroses leave when my stepdad leaves.

00:08:25.995 --> 00:08:30.295

And then on top of that, the Higgins kind of ostracize us from that side of the family.

00:08:30.355 --> 00:08:33.695

And the only person I've seen from that side of the family since is actually

00:08:33.695 --> 00:08:36.995

my cousin Jeff, who I didn't see until eight years later.

00:08:37.675 --> 00:08:42.695

So 14 was a tough year. Now, on top of that, my sister moves out with her older

00:08:42.695 --> 00:08:44.815

boyfriend at that same year.

00:08:45.275 --> 00:08:52.015

And so I essentially, for lack of better phrasing, lost three families by the time I'm 14 years old.

00:08:52.435 --> 00:08:56.635

Wow. And I didn't realize the abandonment issues that came with that at all.

00:08:56.715 --> 00:09:01.315

Because at the time, I didn't know anything except for challenge, struggle, adversity.

00:09:01.895 --> 00:09:04.915

And obviously, there were some bright spots too. You know, we grew up in a nice

00:09:04.915 --> 00:09:06.775

area in terms of the nature.

00:09:06.875 --> 00:09:11.275

I grew up on a pond. And so there was a lot of fun and bright things too.

00:09:11.395 --> 00:09:16.455

But at the end of the day, it was definitely not normal and definitely not super positive.

00:09:17.655 --> 00:09:21.875

So now I'm 14 years old. It's just me and my mom in that big house.

00:09:21.875 --> 00:09:25.955

And my dream was to go to Worcester Polytechnic Institute.

00:09:26.215 --> 00:09:30.355

It's WPI. It's kind of like a mini MIT in Massachusetts. It's one of the best

00:09:30.355 --> 00:09:32.075

technical colleges in the world.

00:09:32.295 --> 00:09:36.095

And it's extremely, extremely, extremely expensive.

00:09:36.595 --> 00:09:40.735

It was $50,000 a year back then. And so when I was 10 years old,

00:09:40.795 --> 00:09:43.655

my uncle Merle was the track and field coach at WPI.

00:09:43.875 --> 00:09:48.415

And so the field there is still called Norcross Field, named after him. He's since passed away.

00:09:48.775 --> 00:09:53.135

And since I was 10 years old, It was my dream. My mom said, you're good at math.

00:09:53.355 --> 00:09:56.155

Engineers make a lot of money. You should be an engineer. You should go to the WPI.

00:09:56.455 --> 00:10:00.035

You'll make a lot of money. And so I had two paths in life, two big dreams.

00:10:00.135 --> 00:10:02.035

I had a lot of little ones, but I had two really big dreams.

00:10:02.614 --> 00:10:06.074

My two career paths when I was a kid, which now I realize is weird,

00:10:06.234 --> 00:10:09.714

were lawyer, politician, president.

00:10:10.174 --> 00:10:13.794

I kid you not. That was actually what I was considering. I'm not even kidding.

00:10:14.274 --> 00:10:17.554

It was lawyer, politician, president. I now realize how crazy that is now.

00:10:18.634 --> 00:10:23.934

Or it was going to be engineer, MBA, CEO, like my hero at the time of a Fortune

00:10:23.934 --> 00:10:27.454

500 company, a tech company like my hero, Steve Jobs, at the time.

00:10:27.654 --> 00:10:31.474

Steve Jobs is no longer my hero, but at the time he was. So it was always Bill

00:10:31.474 --> 00:10:32.554

Gates versus Steve Jobs.

00:10:32.694 --> 00:10:35.994

And I built my first computer when I was 13 and that kind of thing.

00:10:36.054 --> 00:10:40.694

So anyways, lawyer, politician, president, or engineer, MBA,

00:10:40.994 --> 00:10:45.634

master's in business and Fortune 50 CEO or Fortune 500 CEO of a tech company.

00:10:45.634 --> 00:10:47.574

So I chose obviously the engineer road.

00:10:47.894 --> 00:10:53.974

I got into WPI and I went from, I'm excited to see if I can get in to,

00:10:54.074 --> 00:10:55.974

I don't even know if I can pay for it if I do get in.

00:10:56.034 --> 00:10:59.734

So I ended up just doing what I now refer to as my trauma response,

00:10:59.994 --> 00:11:01.274

which I didn't understand back then.

00:11:01.694 --> 00:11:07.034

Whenever life was really painful, fortunately, my trauma response was aim higher,

00:11:07.234 --> 00:11:09.534

work harder, get smarter, fortunately.

00:11:10.934 --> 00:11:16.034

Yeah. And so I did. I bootstrapped through all of high school.

00:11:16.114 --> 00:11:19.574

I got what's called the President's Award. It's actually behind me right now in my office.

00:11:19.994 --> 00:11:26.234

And it's signed by President George W. Bush. And it's essentially you get straight

00:11:26.234 --> 00:11:28.754

A's all through high school in all report cards.

00:11:28.894 --> 00:11:32.194

So that's four report cards per year, four years, 16 report cards straight.

00:11:32.254 --> 00:11:35.314

I got straight A's. I got 189 in honors English. Fortunately,

00:11:35.434 --> 00:11:36.854

it was an honors class, so it was weighted.

00:11:38.214 --> 00:11:41.014

But I never took honors English again after that, I'll tell you what.

00:11:42.214 --> 00:11:45.514

I was the math and science guy, Kevin.

00:11:45.554 --> 00:11:48.274

So I call it STEM, science, technology, engineering, mathematics,

00:11:48.534 --> 00:11:50.494

business, and finance. Those are my jam.

00:11:51.362 --> 00:11:54.942

And writing and reading and all that kind of stuff weren't nearly as natural for me.

00:11:55.442 --> 00:11:59.482

So anyways, what I had to do, got into college, did it, straight A's in high

00:11:59.482 --> 00:12:02.342

school, and I got financial aid and scholarships, so I was able to go.

00:12:02.742 --> 00:12:07.362

But you can't lose, those are academic based. So if I screw this up, I'm in trouble, right?

00:12:07.802 --> 00:12:12.262

And this is a $50,000 a year school. And I realized real quick that some of

00:12:12.262 --> 00:12:15.702

the other people that came to this school, my peers at that time,

00:12:15.802 --> 00:12:18.602

did not have to face what I had to face to get there.

00:12:18.682 --> 00:12:22.322

And they also have have the money to pay for it. Whereas if I flunk out, I'm screwed.

00:12:22.782 --> 00:12:25.702

So it's a little bit of a different dynamic there.

00:12:25.822 --> 00:12:29.262

So I just found the smartest people I could, surrounded myself with them.

00:12:29.302 --> 00:12:31.462

I did a lot of partying too, which we will get to.

00:12:31.842 --> 00:12:36.122

But essentially I got a 3.4. I graduated with computer engineering.

00:12:36.402 --> 00:12:37.602

I graduated with distinction.

00:12:38.102 --> 00:12:41.042

And then I stayed for my master's in business. And then I was off to the races.

00:12:41.182 --> 00:12:42.282

And that's when I went into corporate.

00:12:42.742 --> 00:12:46.322

So I worked for a bunch of different tech companies. I worked for iRobot,

00:12:46.322 --> 00:12:50.322

Sensata Technologies, Oz Development, development, Tyco Safety Products.

00:12:51.002 --> 00:12:53.302

Lens America, a bunch of different tech companies.

00:12:53.442 --> 00:12:56.842

And I did a lot of job hopping and soul searching post-college.

00:12:56.942 --> 00:13:03.222

And I went from 65 to 85, 85 to 105, 105 to 125, 125 to nearly 200,000.

00:13:03.282 --> 00:13:05.022

So I was at about 180 when I peaked.

00:13:05.702 --> 00:13:12.762

And now I'm 26 years old. At this stage, I paid off $84,000 worth of college debt in a single year.

00:13:12.962 --> 00:13:20.082

I have $150,000 in an investment account for Vanguard and I bought S&P 500, which is an index fund.

00:13:20.202 --> 00:13:23.422

I bought a bunch of Cognex and a bunch of other tech companies that I knew would grow.

00:13:23.982 --> 00:13:27.402

And I had no mortgage, no family.

00:13:28.182 --> 00:13:35.662

I went from basically bootstrapping bro college kid to 1% global earner.

00:13:35.822 --> 00:13:39.962

And again, earner, not net worth, earner in a very short amount of time.

00:13:40.102 --> 00:13:45.422

I remember painting houses in Maine, the sophomore summer of college to when

00:13:45.422 --> 00:13:49.042

I graduated college making so much money, I didn't even know what to do with it all.

00:13:49.402 --> 00:13:52.562

That's why I invested most of it, fortunately. But so now I'm 26.

00:13:52.762 --> 00:13:54.342

I'm working for a company called Cognex.

00:13:55.122 --> 00:13:57.962

Cognex's motto is work hard, play hard. I used to say work hard,

00:13:58.002 --> 00:13:59.542

play harder, which we're going to get to.

00:14:00.742 --> 00:14:04.522

And I was an inside sales engineer, started a little inside sales engineering

00:14:04.522 --> 00:14:08.302

team. And then I was an outside sales engineer and I managed a territory.

00:14:08.522 --> 00:14:12.942

So my territory was Vermont, Vermont, Western Massachusetts, and Connecticut.

00:14:13.302 --> 00:14:16.342

I'm selling industrial automation equipment into manufacturing facilities.

00:14:16.622 --> 00:14:21.342

So imagine the biggest ice cream company you can think of that you adore or

00:14:21.342 --> 00:14:24.782

the chips that you eat, I would sell into those manufacturing facilities.

00:14:25.122 --> 00:14:29.682

And it was machine vision equipment. So we would sell the eyes of robots, so to speak.

00:14:29.722 --> 00:14:34.222

And again, it's a very simplified version of what we were actually doing. So I did very well.

00:14:34.722 --> 00:14:38.942

Boom, boom, boom. Now I'm 26, SpaceX making almost $200,000 a year.

00:14:40.082 --> 00:14:43.582

I'm rising in corporate and I have what I thought was the American dream and

00:14:43.582 --> 00:14:45.742

I did it, right? I made it, quote unquote.

00:14:46.402 --> 00:14:49.002

Now, I'm 26 years old. I'm in New Hampshire with my little cousin.

00:14:49.062 --> 00:14:51.862

We're playing Call of Duty, also known as Call of Dudeski.

00:14:53.902 --> 00:14:56.682

We're playing Call of Duty and we're not drinking, not partying or anything

00:14:56.682 --> 00:14:59.342

like that. It's a Friday night. We're going to TGI Fridays and I'm driving.

00:14:59.742 --> 00:15:03.202

Now, to save money and get out of college debt, because that was my goal.

00:15:04.242 --> 00:15:09.482

Several years earlier, I had bought this 2004 Volkswagen Passat. Thank you, Volkswagen.

00:15:09.842 --> 00:15:12.882

So, this car, I bought it in cash, five grand cash.

00:15:13.262 --> 00:15:17.102

And I used to call it the tank. This is a German an engineered steel trap of

00:15:17.102 --> 00:15:18.282

a car that I called the tank.

00:15:18.482 --> 00:15:21.942

And that car definitely saved my life. So we're driving to TGI Fridays.

00:15:22.182 --> 00:15:27.222

It's 2015, really bad winter. The snow banks are covering the signs and there's

00:15:27.222 --> 00:15:28.582

a yield sign that I don't see.

00:15:28.922 --> 00:15:32.722

I'm supposed to yield and I don't. I end up on the wrong side of the road and

00:15:32.722 --> 00:15:35.622

I look up and I see what I thought was a Mack truck.

00:15:36.102 --> 00:15:41.382

And my computer engineering brain goes, there's no chance. This is the end. No question.

00:15:42.062 --> 00:15:45.542

Fortunately, it was not a Mack truck. It was a lift kitted pickup truck.

00:15:45.702 --> 00:15:49.922

And I was driving that steel trap tank of a car. Thank you, Volkswagen.

00:15:50.482 --> 00:15:54.762

So both airbags did deploy. My little cousin hurt his knee on the airbag.

00:15:54.822 --> 00:15:57.462

I hurt my face on the airbag, but we were okay.

00:15:57.582 --> 00:16:01.082

Now, normally I show the pictures of this car in my speeches.

00:16:01.202 --> 00:16:05.942

And the reason why is because I've seen pictures of my dad's car and they don't look very different.

00:16:06.422 --> 00:16:10.742

And so for me, this was the physically we were okay, but mentally,

00:16:10.782 --> 00:16:13.542

emotionally emotionally, and spiritually, I was beyond messed up after this.

00:16:13.622 --> 00:16:19.122

This was my quarter life crisis because I got the second chance that my dad never got. Wow.

00:16:19.722 --> 00:16:24.882

And so this is when I flipped the script and I was filled with regret. What did it all mean?

00:16:25.562 --> 00:16:30.662

Who was I as a man? Did I make good choices? Were these really my dreams or were they ego driven?

00:16:31.082 --> 00:16:34.502

Was this what I was supposed to do versus what I am called to do?

00:16:35.002 --> 00:16:38.682

And so the best way I can describe it as this, and I promised you that I'd do

00:16:38.682 --> 00:16:42.002

the short, mid, or long version, so two guesses which one this is.

00:16:43.102 --> 00:16:48.082

This is the long version. The point is, though, is that I now,

00:16:48.202 --> 00:16:50.262

the best way I can describe it, again, this is in hindsight,

00:16:50.302 --> 00:16:51.922

whereas at the time, I had no idea.

00:16:52.502 --> 00:16:56.502

Before 26, I was very achievement-oriented, I was very gritty,

00:16:56.502 --> 00:17:01.122

to the point of this podcast, I had big dreams, and I was improvement-oriented

00:17:01.122 --> 00:17:04.002

toward those dreams, but I wasn't self-sufficient.

00:17:04.560 --> 00:17:09.860

Improvement-oriented. I wasn't personally developed. I was professionally developed.

00:17:10.140 --> 00:17:13.660

I wasn't personal growth. I was external growth.

00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:19.360

And so rather than achieving at the expense of fulfillment and inner work,

00:17:19.560 --> 00:17:21.540

I now flip the script hard.

00:17:21.800 --> 00:17:26.800

And that was nine years ago. I often playfully joke, I'm hoping to hit puberty at 36. I'm now 35.

00:17:27.400 --> 00:17:31.980

And I look very young. I know know, you haven't seen me, but I look very young.

00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:36.300

And so, so anyways, I often get made fun of, I look 12.

00:17:36.820 --> 00:17:42.980

So, but anyways, so now I fortunately, so I've been successful without fulfillment and that sucked.

00:17:43.300 --> 00:17:47.120

I have been fulfilled also without success because after that car accident,

00:17:47.180 --> 00:17:50.840

I went all the way past broke as a broke entrepreneur starting my own thing.

00:17:51.020 --> 00:17:52.220

I know a lot of people can relate.

00:17:52.580 --> 00:17:56.840

And so I've been successful without fulfillment. I've been professionally developed

00:17:56.840 --> 00:17:59.080

without self-improvement and personal development.

00:17:59.460 --> 00:18:02.240

And then I went all the the way past and I was fully personally developed,

00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:05.000

but I wasn't successful. And so I was fulfilled, but unsuccessful.

00:18:05.320 --> 00:18:08.160

And so I always say this, success without fulfillment sucks.

00:18:09.020 --> 00:18:14.920

Fulfillment without success turns out also sucks. And so the best way to move

00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:19.700

forward and what I've found over the last nine years really is how do you design

00:18:19.700 --> 00:18:23.660

a life that you can be successful and fulfilled simultaneously?

00:18:24.020 --> 00:18:29.480

How can you be professionally developed and personally How can you be the duality,

00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:34.100

the dance, the yin and the yang of a holistically well-rounded man or woman?

00:18:34.360 --> 00:18:39.220

And that's really what I've come to is it's actually really difficult to be

00:18:39.220 --> 00:18:42.580

ambidextrous in the 21st century. Yeah. Wow.

00:18:43.280 --> 00:18:49.880

What a crazy journey just to get to 26 years old.

00:18:51.160 --> 00:18:54.400

I mean, it's crazy when you think about it.

00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:59.800

And I want us to go back because I want to unpack a little bit more about the

00:18:59.800 --> 00:19:05.180

fact that you had told us that at 14 years old, your entire life changed.

00:19:05.740 --> 00:19:14.760

Everything changed. and yet you stayed the course and you still got into this top college.

00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.420

Why do you think that you didn't,

00:19:18.099 --> 00:19:23.179

fall victim to what so many would, what they would allow what was happening

00:19:23.179 --> 00:19:25.499

at home to drag them down at school?

00:19:26.179 --> 00:19:29.779

Yeah, so I've been contemplating that question a ton.

00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:34.619

And I try to use humble curiosity to constantly be asking and understanding

00:19:34.619 --> 00:19:37.759

things. And the answer is twofold.

00:19:38.059 --> 00:19:41.019

The first one is I had an awesome teacher named Mrs.

00:19:41.219 --> 00:19:44.759

Pryor, who I've actually since emailed and thanked because there's this thing

00:19:44.759 --> 00:19:47.959

called the Teddy story that you can probably look up online line and it's anonymous,

00:19:48.159 --> 00:19:51.699

but it's a story that touches my heart at the deepest level.

00:19:51.799 --> 00:19:54.899

And it's about this young boy named Teddy, who the teacher thinks is a trouble

00:19:54.899 --> 00:19:57.219

child, when in reality, his mother has cancer.

00:19:58.039 --> 00:20:01.719

And the story just is so heartwarming and unbelievable.

00:20:01.939 --> 00:20:04.739

So the right teacher at the right time, the right mentor at the right time,

00:20:04.759 --> 00:20:07.259

someone who believes in you at the right time can change everything,

00:20:07.379 --> 00:20:09.779

which I live by now at Next Level University.

00:20:09.979 --> 00:20:12.379

We try to believe in people at the right time.

00:20:12.739 --> 00:20:17.819

And so I was believed in by a woman named Christine Pryor. I've actually emailed

00:20:17.819 --> 00:20:19.379

her and I sent her the Teddy story.

00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:22.839

This was actually last week, believe it or not. And I said, thank you so much

00:20:22.839 --> 00:20:27.979

for being there during a time that was my darkest, being a light for me in my darkest time.

00:20:28.299 --> 00:20:32.419

And I was tearing up while writing this email and she actually said she was

00:20:32.419 --> 00:20:35.339

tearing up responding to it. And I'm going to go visit her at some point soon.

00:20:35.499 --> 00:20:41.799

But the first answer is, how did I stay and persevere? I would say having someone who believed in me.

00:20:42.259 --> 00:20:45.879

And she actually brought me to the math meets at WPI.

00:20:46.039 --> 00:20:50.859

So she picked us all up and we did a field trip and WPI holds these mathematic

00:20:50.859 --> 00:20:52.779

competitions every year.

00:20:52.899 --> 00:20:55.979

And so she really helped not just pour into my dream and say,

00:20:56.019 --> 00:20:58.279

you can do it, but actually brought me there.

00:20:58.419 --> 00:21:01.139

And my mom always believed in me as well. So that's there as well.

00:21:01.399 --> 00:21:06.839

That said, I think the the thing that made the difference because I've contemplated this a lot.

00:21:06.939 --> 00:21:09.919

There's something called an ACE score. It's called the diverse childhood experiences.

00:21:10.159 --> 00:21:15.199

And they've done tons and tons of research and studies on this idea of ACE.

00:21:15.339 --> 00:21:20.059

And the idea is the higher your ACE score, the more likely you are headed towards

00:21:20.059 --> 00:21:23.439

early mortality, statistically speaking.

00:21:23.659 --> 00:21:30.519

And after 26, I think I I really broke the paradigm of that.

00:21:30.879 --> 00:21:36.439

And I look now at how can two siblings grow up in the same challenging environment

00:21:36.439 --> 00:21:38.739

and have completely different outcomes?

00:21:39.019 --> 00:21:41.879

You know, what makes the difference? I've been asking myself that question my

00:21:41.879 --> 00:21:44.339

whole life in some ways, my whole adult life anyways.

00:21:44.619 --> 00:21:48.539

Yeah. And the answer that I've come to now, and I just surpassed,

00:21:48.539 --> 00:21:51.499

so I'm coming up on my 10,000 hours of coaching, podcasting,

00:21:51.499 --> 00:21:56.659

speaking, training, and all different walks of life. My youngest client is 18. My oldest is 63.

00:21:56.939 --> 00:22:00.559

I have 23 people on my roster right now, but many have come and gone over the years.

00:22:00.639 --> 00:22:04.999

And I've been coaching for a little over seven years now and all different walks

00:22:04.999 --> 00:22:07.159

of life, all different countries, all different backgrounds,

00:22:07.439 --> 00:22:09.279

all different ethnicities and sexes.

00:22:09.399 --> 00:22:14.859

And what you come to realize is that the number one, most important indicator

00:22:14.859 --> 00:22:17.419

of future success for anyone.

00:22:18.505 --> 00:22:23.205

Is self-belief. And what's weird about it is the people who have high self-belief

00:22:23.205 --> 00:22:26.505

don't actually talk that much about it because they don't know that they have it.

00:22:26.685 --> 00:22:31.485

So, I now understand that it was weird for me to say, okay, I'm going to be

00:22:31.485 --> 00:22:35.065

a lawyer, politician, or president, or I'm going to be an engineer,

00:22:35.225 --> 00:22:39.505

MBA, and then Fortune 50 or Fortune 500 CEO of a tech company.

00:22:39.825 --> 00:22:42.565

But here's the thing, I wasn't just saying it. A lot of kids say,

00:22:42.605 --> 00:22:45.665

I want to be an astronaut, or I want to be a police officer or I want to be an XYZ.

00:22:45.985 --> 00:22:49.125

I actually calculated it. I remember actually sitting down. Now,

00:22:49.145 --> 00:22:52.225

this is scary for me to share, but I remember actually sitting down contemplating

00:22:52.225 --> 00:22:53.245

this conversation in my head.

00:22:53.585 --> 00:22:58.085

Okay, well, I am an American male who was born into adversity,

00:22:58.585 --> 00:23:04.665

who was blessed with a big brain, who is fairly charismatic and can communicate well.

00:23:05.125 --> 00:23:08.805

And if I work really hard as becoming a lawyer and a politician,

00:23:08.965 --> 00:23:11.445

I could do a good job at it. and I think one day I could be president.

00:23:11.665 --> 00:23:13.905

That is something that I actually calculated.

00:23:14.745 --> 00:23:18.465

And I do believe I actually could. Now, I know how nuts that sounds,

00:23:19.065 --> 00:23:22.985

but I decided not to, which also sounds nuts, right?

00:23:23.625 --> 00:23:27.905

So I decided to do the engineer road. And I think, you know,

00:23:27.905 --> 00:23:29.845

I'm good at math. I love science, blah, blah, blah.

00:23:29.945 --> 00:23:34.285

But I wasn't just aiming aimlessly. I was calculating things.

00:23:34.665 --> 00:23:38.465

And so some people get their belief from faith.

00:23:38.785 --> 00:23:42.225

Some people get their belief from self-concept. Some people get their belief

00:23:42.225 --> 00:23:45.025

from their quantum abilities, which is just their natural talents.

00:23:45.245 --> 00:23:48.565

It's not probably that hard for LeBron James to believe in himself in basketball.

00:23:48.925 --> 00:23:54.745

And that's okay. For me, what I find really fascinating is that the people who

00:23:54.745 --> 00:23:58.065

have ridiculously high self-belief actually don't know that they do.

00:23:58.565 --> 00:24:04.065

And by the way, the people who claim to have high self-belief actually don't.

00:24:04.065 --> 00:24:07.765

Their over-correcting from deep insecurity and lack of self-belief.

00:24:07.905 --> 00:24:12.565

And that has been wildly fascinating for me to study as a scientist.

00:24:12.825 --> 00:24:15.665

And when I say as a scientist, that's me kind of self-proclaiming,

00:24:15.665 --> 00:24:18.845

but I'm studying people every single day in my coaching.

00:24:18.925 --> 00:24:23.585

And what I've found fascinating is people who believe in themselves a lot actually

00:24:23.585 --> 00:24:27.525

don't know that other people don't have that because everyone around them is

00:24:27.525 --> 00:24:29.265

faking it. They're mirroring them.

00:24:29.705 --> 00:24:33.485

So people around me, my whole life have been mirroring my self-belief.

00:24:33.805 --> 00:24:37.425

They either think I'm full of it or they mirror it. And so I,

00:24:37.605 --> 00:24:39.005

or they puff up and pretend.

00:24:39.505 --> 00:24:43.305

I grew up thinking everyone had tons of self-belief and then you become older

00:24:43.305 --> 00:24:44.925

and older and older and hopefully wiser.

00:24:44.985 --> 00:24:50.545

And you look around and go, oh, so I really was the only one who ended up doing

00:24:50.545 --> 00:24:51.925

these things that I said I would do.

00:24:52.285 --> 00:24:55.805

And then people come up to you and I'm sure you've gotten this as well of,

00:24:55.885 --> 00:24:58.625

oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, you did it. You did it.

00:24:58.705 --> 00:25:01.085

And I'm sitting there going, one. Yeah.

00:25:02.517 --> 00:25:08.257

Said I was going to do this. I didn't say I'm going to start a podcast and then go to the beach.

00:25:09.377 --> 00:25:14.337

I just intended on it. And so Kevin, my business partner, my other Kevin,

00:25:14.437 --> 00:25:18.557

he has really illuminated for me that what makes the biggest difference is self-belief

00:25:18.557 --> 00:25:22.417

because he's someone who struggled with self-belief because he had a lot of self-doubt.

00:25:22.777 --> 00:25:28.397

And that's helped me understand that I have this self-belief thing that I don't

00:25:28.397 --> 00:25:30.237

know if it's my math brain calculating it.

00:25:31.917 --> 00:25:35.917

I I think there's truth to both of those things, which I never used to share because I was a coward.

00:25:36.317 --> 00:25:40.097

But the truth of the matter is, is everything has always come fairly easy to me.

00:25:40.617 --> 00:25:43.417

And I feel like I can get good at stuff fairly easily.

00:25:44.417 --> 00:25:47.657

And one thing that comes with that, unfortunately, though, is one thing that's

00:25:47.657 --> 00:25:50.957

never been easy for me, which is fitting in, has never felt easy for me.

00:25:51.437 --> 00:25:55.237

Being liked has never felt easy for me. As a matter of fact, that feels impossible.

00:25:55.697 --> 00:25:58.917

Some of your listeners right now are probably having a hard time not villainizing me.

00:25:58.997 --> 00:26:03.397

I've never felt easily likable. And so fortunately, I have this business partner,

00:26:03.497 --> 00:26:05.417

Kevin Palmieri, who is on the

00:26:05.417 --> 00:26:09.417

other side of the spectrum where he had self-doubt and I had self-belief.

00:26:09.517 --> 00:26:12.377

But he was relatable and likable and I was villainized.

00:26:12.537 --> 00:26:17.377

And so we kind of figured out through each other that the most important thing

00:26:17.377 --> 00:26:18.637

in the world is self-belief.

00:26:18.757 --> 00:26:22.657

But unfortunately, people who actually have high self-belief and aren't faking

00:26:22.657 --> 00:26:26.737

it usually have low self-worth because they're often bullied energetically.

00:26:27.357 --> 00:26:30.797

And they're usually these sort of tortured behind the scenes.

00:26:30.877 --> 00:26:35.277

I do hard work, but then when I'm in public, no one gets me type of thing because

00:26:35.277 --> 00:26:37.597

statistically speaking, most people don't believe in themselves.

00:26:37.717 --> 00:26:39.137

That's why most people don't have goals.

00:26:39.297 --> 00:26:42.157

That's why statistically speaking, everyone has new year's resolutions,

00:26:42.217 --> 00:26:44.257

but very few people actually follow through on those.

00:26:44.557 --> 00:26:50.257

And it's this weird thing where no one knows that you have something they don't,

00:26:50.257 --> 00:26:52.297

but unconsciously they do. So they mirror it.

00:26:52.437 --> 00:26:56.597

So you kind of just go around with this massive blind spot your whole life and

00:26:56.597 --> 00:26:58.637

wonder why you don't fit in. Yeah.

00:27:00.060 --> 00:27:04.340

I know that you obviously didn't get to know your dad,

00:27:04.540 --> 00:27:09.800

but I'm curious, based on maybe things that your mom told you,

00:27:09.900 --> 00:27:15.520

I'm wondering this personality that you have, this drive that you have,

00:27:15.640 --> 00:27:22.500

this way of going much deeper than most people's brains will allow.

00:27:22.760 --> 00:27:26.960

Do you know if either your parents, you feel like you got it from either of

00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:29.440

them, or is this something unique to you? you.

00:27:29.600 --> 00:27:36.500

It's so interesting. I, I do know that my father, my birth father was very confident.

00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:39.300

And, and as a matter of fact, he was overconfident, which is,

00:27:39.400 --> 00:27:43.220

I think in some ways, and I never used to share this, but I think that's in

00:27:43.220 --> 00:27:44.860

some ways what he was reckless.

00:27:45.060 --> 00:27:47.460

I would say he he's, he was reckless. I'll leave it there.

00:27:47.780 --> 00:27:50.800

And that's been hard to face by the way. I didn't face that until my thirties,

00:27:50.840 --> 00:27:53.260

but I would say he was overconfident. Yeah.

00:27:53.340 --> 00:27:56.200

And, and some of his choices were reckless listen and arrogant.

00:27:56.640 --> 00:28:00.900

And that's a whole nother level of self-reflection of, you know,

00:28:00.900 --> 00:28:04.980

no one's perfect, but if you want to depedestal your own, your own caregivers,

00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:06.760

that's, that's a whole process.

00:28:07.080 --> 00:28:11.380

But I do know he was intelligent. I do know that he was very confident.

00:28:11.520 --> 00:28:16.360

I know he was extremely charismatic and I'm talking, my mom would say they had

00:28:16.360 --> 00:28:19.820

to shut down the town when he passed away because everybody,

00:28:19.820 --> 00:28:23.440

everybody loved John, everybody bought from John. So John was in sales.

00:28:24.100 --> 00:28:28.580

And I ended up in sales too. What a, what a total shocker. And I remember I

00:28:28.580 --> 00:28:29.500

was like, I'm going to be an engineer.

00:28:29.660 --> 00:28:33.700

And one of my best friends, fathers, he was definitely a father figure to me

00:28:33.700 --> 00:28:36.240

in some ways used to say, you're going to end up in sales.

00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:40.160

And I was like, no, no, no, I'm going to be an engineer. I'm going to be an engineer.

00:28:40.900 --> 00:28:43.900

And he's like, no, you're going to end up in sales. And he's like,

00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:46.380

Alan, that's where all the money is anyway. And I said, I'm an engineer.

00:28:46.540 --> 00:28:48.880

I'm going to be an engineer. And, and, and I ended up in sales.

00:28:49.580 --> 00:28:53.560

So, but I was a a sales engineer. So I was half right. You know what I'm saying?

00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:58.140

But anyway, so, so at the end of the day, I know I got a lot of that from him,

00:28:58.180 --> 00:29:02.620

but I do think, and this is something that I never used to share either.

00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:06.020

Cause I quite frankly just didn't have the courage, but I read a book once called

00:29:06.020 --> 00:29:07.200

the hidden habits of genius.

00:29:07.720 --> 00:29:12.440

And it's by a Yale professor who spent 30 years studying and researching the

00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:16.700

geniuses of history, which by the way, many of the geniuses of history are just awful human beings.

00:29:16.780 --> 00:29:20.360

Okay. So if you ever pick up this book, it's called the hidden habits of genius.

00:29:21.060 --> 00:29:25.740

And he opens the book with this sort of soliloquy, for lack of a better phrasing,

00:29:25.760 --> 00:29:30.360

of, listen, only a non-genius could write this book because geniuses don't know

00:29:30.360 --> 00:29:32.880

they're geniuses. They're just too busy doing genius stuff.

00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:35.840

And again, that's my shorter version of it, obviously.

00:29:36.280 --> 00:29:39.980

And I remember when I read that, I was like, interesting. And so I kept reading.

00:29:40.777 --> 00:29:45.157

And the whole book is predicated on him studying the commonalities of all geniuses.

00:29:45.157 --> 00:29:47.757

And there's a whole different bunch of different types of geniuses.

00:29:47.757 --> 00:29:52.457

There's the Mozart's and there's the Einstein's and the Steve Jobs and all that.

00:29:52.557 --> 00:29:58.517

But at the end of the day, there are 14 common character traits that he uncovers

00:29:58.517 --> 00:30:00.917

for all geniuses of all history.

00:30:01.197 --> 00:30:04.157

And when I saw that list, I freaked out.

00:30:04.157 --> 00:30:10.817

And the reason I freaked out is because you know deep down what you are and

00:30:10.817 --> 00:30:14.637

you don't fit in and you never have and you kind of never will and you know

00:30:14.637 --> 00:30:18.157

it and people like you, but only when you're kind of not fully you.

00:30:18.777 --> 00:30:24.197

It's this weird thing where everything feels like fairly easy for you.

00:30:24.317 --> 00:30:29.017

You feel super confident in your abilities where everyone else thinks you're delusional.

00:30:29.337 --> 00:30:34.157

And but yet you you don't fit in at all. And the part of my story I haven't

00:30:34.157 --> 00:30:35.597

shared yet is I had a drinking problem.

00:30:35.717 --> 00:30:38.697

And one of the reasons why is because it just dialed down my future orientation.

00:30:38.737 --> 00:30:41.477

It dialed down my science, technology, engineering, mathematics,

00:30:41.677 --> 00:30:42.737

business, and finance brain.

00:30:43.017 --> 00:30:49.797

And so I, after reading that book, had this sort of mid-re-quarter life crisis, so to speak.

00:30:50.419 --> 00:30:54.559

And I realized that I had all 14 of those character traits at like a level 12

00:30:54.559 --> 00:30:58.139

out of 10. And so again, am I a self-proclaimed genius?

00:30:58.339 --> 00:31:02.939

No, that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that I exiled the part of

00:31:02.939 --> 00:31:04.539

me that is most authentic.

00:31:04.699 --> 00:31:09.579

When I'm alone behind the scenes, that is who I am. I don't hang out.

00:31:09.719 --> 00:31:13.479

I never have. I watch movies. I like movies. I love food.

00:31:14.839 --> 00:31:19.799

I'm lazy at times, but honestly, not usually. And so it's interesting because

00:31:19.799 --> 00:31:23.319

what's scary for me is social.

00:31:23.959 --> 00:31:27.539

So Kevin and I, we kind of figured this out. If we're going to go give a speech

00:31:27.539 --> 00:31:29.639

in front of a thousand people, we speak together.

00:31:30.239 --> 00:31:34.339

He's afraid he's not going to add value. And I'm not concerned about that whatsoever.

00:31:34.819 --> 00:31:38.379

I know this is going to add value. you. I'm going to get you to think differently.

00:31:38.759 --> 00:31:42.019

I'm going to get you to contemplate things you never have. I'm going to get

00:31:42.019 --> 00:31:45.359

you to understand things you never would have understood had I not been there.

00:31:45.539 --> 00:31:48.259

And even just saying that, I'll get villainized for.

00:31:48.659 --> 00:31:51.239

But here's the thing. He's certain everyone's going to like him.

00:31:51.739 --> 00:31:56.499

I am not at all. If you said, Alan, you have to give a speech in front of a

00:31:56.499 --> 00:32:00.959

thousand people and everyone there has to understand more and get value.

00:32:01.139 --> 00:32:04.179

I would say 10 out of 10. Let's rock and roll. I'm in. I'm your guy.

00:32:04.559 --> 00:32:06.459

There's no one who can do that better.

00:32:06.859 --> 00:32:11.559

But if you said, Alan, everyone there needs to like you, I would say that is literally impossible.

00:32:12.119 --> 00:32:15.299

And you can see it in my energy. You can hear it in my tone.

00:32:15.399 --> 00:32:17.099

I'm telling you right now that is impossible.

00:32:17.819 --> 00:32:21.799

Now, here's the thing. I want to change the world. I want to help people.

00:32:21.859 --> 00:32:23.619

I want to bring self-improvement to their lives.

00:32:24.239 --> 00:32:27.799

I'm here right now to do that. But it turns out people need to like me to learn

00:32:27.799 --> 00:32:29.799

from me. And I'm not a likable guy. eye.

00:32:30.019 --> 00:32:35.719

And so it's this weird duality where everyone who meets me kind of knows I'm

00:32:35.719 --> 00:32:38.639

not like them, but they don't know why. It's unconscious.

00:32:38.859 --> 00:32:42.579

And I trigger them. And I think what it is at an unconscious level,

00:32:42.679 --> 00:32:45.039

and I never used to understand this, is that people that are really,

00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:49.719

really, really, really, really smart, they trigger people because most people

00:32:49.719 --> 00:32:50.999

are insecure about their intelligence.

00:32:51.539 --> 00:32:56.199

For me, I'm not insecure about my intelligence. I say dumb stuff all the time.

00:32:56.219 --> 00:33:00.479

I ask dumb questions, but truth be told, I know I'm not dumb and other people

00:33:00.479 --> 00:33:01.419

are usually the opposite.

00:33:01.539 --> 00:33:02.899

So most people are pretending to

00:33:02.899 --> 00:33:05.479

be smarter than they are. I'm actually pretending to be dumber than I am.

00:33:06.019 --> 00:33:09.139

And why? Because we all want to belong. Yes.

00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:12.399

And so behind the scenes, it's safe for me to be my computer engineering,

00:33:12.659 --> 00:33:16.399

freaky, deaky Dutch genius, but in front of people, it's not.

00:33:16.859 --> 00:33:20.579

But then it's this weird thing where that's also your greatest strength.

00:33:20.679 --> 00:33:24.159

So your Your greatest strength comes with this massive fear,

00:33:24.379 --> 00:33:27.639

this massive weakness. So for me, my pain was social.

00:33:28.435 --> 00:33:34.135

Why am I the only one with dreams? Why am I the only one who believes in himself?

00:33:34.635 --> 00:33:39.115

Why does everyone think I'm so arrogant? Why does everyone think I'm delusional?

00:33:39.375 --> 00:33:42.435

And the cool part about this is if you actually do stick with it,

00:33:42.475 --> 00:33:45.435

people think you're less arrogant and less delusional as you actually start

00:33:45.435 --> 00:33:48.155

to achieve these things that you said you were going to achieve.

00:33:48.155 --> 00:33:51.895

So eventually it's like, oh, I've gotten the text of, hey, don't look too far

00:33:51.895 --> 00:33:54.855

into this, bro. But I'm sorry for being such a dick back in the day.

00:33:56.715 --> 00:34:00.035

It's like, thank you so much. You believe in me now. I didn't need it now.

00:34:00.195 --> 00:34:05.515

I need it then. And, you know, so at the end of the day, we all have two pains.

00:34:05.555 --> 00:34:07.795

And this will be my last thing I'll say about this point.

00:34:08.235 --> 00:34:12.075

Your pain is either social or it's competence.

00:34:12.655 --> 00:34:15.775

So there's social pain and then there's competence pain.

00:34:16.455 --> 00:34:19.635

Competence pain is more common. It's I don't know if I'm going to get the job.

00:34:19.735 --> 00:34:21.475

I don't know if I'm going to be able to pass the test.

00:34:21.595 --> 00:34:24.055

I don't know if I'm going to be able to be on that sports team.

00:34:24.115 --> 00:34:25.075

I don't know if I can do it.

00:34:25.135 --> 00:34:27.655

I don't know if I'm smart enough, good enough, good looking enough,

00:34:27.715 --> 00:34:29.715

whatever. Okay, that I don't have.

00:34:29.775 --> 00:34:33.355

And everyone listening who does have that kind of knows intuitively I don't.

00:34:33.375 --> 00:34:36.875

The other one is the social pain.

00:34:37.055 --> 00:34:39.155

And I'm talking this one.

00:34:39.415 --> 00:34:45.855

If you do have really high belief and you are extraordinary and you know it,

00:34:45.995 --> 00:34:50.335

you have this one in spades. People lash out at you and you have no idea why.

00:34:50.675 --> 00:34:54.835

Nobody likes you and you don't know why. you've always felt villainized for

00:34:54.835 --> 00:34:56.215

what seems like no reason.

00:34:56.715 --> 00:35:00.595

You always feel like you're bullied and people make rude comments.

00:35:00.775 --> 00:35:03.615

They rib you for no reason. They talk behind your back.

00:35:03.855 --> 00:35:08.455

And I'm sitting here going, I'm trying to help kids. If you were going to hate

00:35:08.455 --> 00:35:11.315

me, why didn't you hate me when I was drinking and being an idiot?

00:35:12.075 --> 00:35:17.415

Now I have a charity for underprivileged kids and you're still asking on me, right?

00:35:17.715 --> 00:35:20.615

So at the end of the day, you just have to own who you are.

00:35:20.735 --> 00:35:25.595

And the people who are on my end are afraid of success because when you're more

00:35:25.595 --> 00:35:28.775

successful, you're less relatable and more villainized.

00:35:29.135 --> 00:35:33.895

The people on the other end are afraid of failure because they are afraid they're not good enough.

00:35:34.015 --> 00:35:37.355

And the irony of all of this I've come to realize is face the fear,

00:35:37.475 --> 00:35:38.995

false expectations appearing real.

00:35:39.235 --> 00:35:43.495

I am so afraid to be villainized. I have to face that fear inside of me.

00:35:43.535 --> 00:35:45.695

And I have to say, it's okay if you don't like me.

00:35:45.795 --> 00:35:49.795

It's okay. And I have to face my social fears and I have to have social courage.

00:35:49.995 --> 00:35:52.055

But I don't need more competence, courage.

00:35:52.335 --> 00:35:54.355

I applied to the jobs. I do the whatever.

00:35:54.855 --> 00:35:57.935

It's all good. Resume, LinkedIn, cover letter, rock and roll,

00:35:58.015 --> 00:36:03.095

spreadsheets, habits, consistency, discipline, got it. That's no problem for me.

00:36:03.335 --> 00:36:07.195

So all the advice that's being given in the self-improvement space wasn't for me.

00:36:07.515 --> 00:36:11.635

Because statistically speaking, people who don't struggle with self-belief...

00:36:12.727 --> 00:36:18.387

Aren't common. So there's no market for it. And so we live in this world where

00:36:18.387 --> 00:36:22.007

some people think you're delusional. Like everyone thinks Elon's delusional.

00:36:22.107 --> 00:36:24.507

He actually isn't though. He did most of it.

00:36:24.687 --> 00:36:27.987

Now there are certain things about him that are delusional and please don't

00:36:27.987 --> 00:36:31.327

associate me with Elon Musk because I do not necessarily think that he's a good

00:36:31.327 --> 00:36:34.687

person and I'm not saying he's bad or good. Just please don't associate me with him whatsoever.

00:36:34.907 --> 00:36:38.827

Okay. But my point is, is that he's definitely misunderstood and,

00:36:38.867 --> 00:36:40.687

and understandably misunderstood by the way.

00:36:40.687 --> 00:36:44.847

But the point i'm making is you are on one end or the other you are either afraid

00:36:44.847 --> 00:36:48.847

to not be good enough Or you're afraid to be too much And if you're afraid to

00:36:48.847 --> 00:36:52.367

not be good enough, you're pretending to be more than you are and that needs to stop.

00:36:52.947 --> 00:36:57.067

And you need to own who you are And ironically, you'll actually be good enough

00:36:57.067 --> 00:37:00.127

and then on my end you're afraid you're too much.

00:37:00.267 --> 00:37:04.367

So you have to own The part of you that's too much and still have the courage

00:37:04.367 --> 00:37:08.507

to sit in that And be that because that's the light and the guide that people

00:37:08.507 --> 00:37:13.147

need And ironically, the fears self-perpetuate if you let them drive.

00:37:13.367 --> 00:37:16.487

If you're afraid you're not smart enough, you're going to avoid asking a dumb

00:37:16.487 --> 00:37:18.307

question and then you're not going to be smart enough.

00:37:18.547 --> 00:37:22.647

If you're afraid you're too much for people, you're going to dial down constantly

00:37:22.647 --> 00:37:25.867

and therefore eventually they're going to find out you're too much and it's

00:37:25.867 --> 00:37:28.707

going to ruin your relationships, which is going to what? Make it better or worse.

00:37:29.187 --> 00:37:32.647

And so we all have to face the deepest fear inside of us. I used to think fear

00:37:32.647 --> 00:37:33.407

was something external.

00:37:33.627 --> 00:37:36.747

I don't agree with that anymore. I think it's something inside that you have

00:37:36.747 --> 00:37:39.947

to look at. You're either afraid you're too smart or you're afraid you're not.

00:37:40.067 --> 00:37:44.407

And either way, you got to face that demon down and you got to you got to overcome

00:37:44.407 --> 00:37:46.247

it by accepting who you really are.

00:37:46.407 --> 00:37:50.527

And then you either make up for your lack of giftedness with humility and work

00:37:50.527 --> 00:37:57.387

ethic or you face the fact that you are gifted and then go serve the world with those gifts. Wow.

00:37:58.587 --> 00:38:05.587

So I'm going to say something and you can take it however you want is. Yeah.

00:38:05.966 --> 00:38:11.986

I'm wondering what it says about me and the fact that I think I like you.

00:38:15.486 --> 00:38:21.486

I mean, granted, I mean, I just know you from outside world.

00:38:21.606 --> 00:38:26.246

I'm not in your world, but I'm like, I mean, I don't know. I like the guy.

00:38:26.426 --> 00:38:30.966

Maybe there's something wrong with me. But, you know, I appreciate that.

00:38:31.026 --> 00:38:34.266

I think my my scientist brain turns on and goes, why is that?

00:38:34.266 --> 00:38:36.686

Yeah. Number one, I do think I've healed a lot of my stuff.

00:38:36.746 --> 00:38:41.446

So I'm being villainized less than I used to because I think the old me used

00:38:41.446 --> 00:38:45.266

to pretend to not be smart and then turn on smarts randomly.

00:38:45.506 --> 00:38:47.126

And so it was this weird wonky thing.

00:38:47.666 --> 00:38:51.726

So I'm more vulnerable and honest now. And I've worked on my trauma.

00:38:51.866 --> 00:38:55.206

So I think that's part of it. I don't trigger people as much as I used to.

00:38:55.266 --> 00:38:59.246

I think that's part of it. And then the other piece of it is you probably believe in yourself a lot.

00:38:59.366 --> 00:39:01.626

People with high self-belief, I don't trigger.

00:39:02.166 --> 00:39:07.546

Because they get it. They're like, yeah, I wish more people were like this. Well, of course you do.

00:39:08.666 --> 00:39:11.886

And by the way, they're not. And that's okay.

00:39:12.126 --> 00:39:16.506

And that's okay. But you have to be that, which ironically, you're probably scared to be.

00:39:16.666 --> 00:39:18.226

And so I would tell you, you have

00:39:18.226 --> 00:39:21.246

sneaky self-belief. You have a lot more self-belief than people realize.

00:39:21.606 --> 00:39:25.646

That's why you're doing this podcast right now. I mean, how many people have

00:39:25.646 --> 00:39:28.426

thought about chasing a dream and not done it?

00:39:28.486 --> 00:39:30.666

I mean, what's the real reason underneath it? I always say this.

00:39:30.726 --> 00:39:33.906

I say, why would someone, you ever meet those guys, Kev, where,

00:39:34.146 --> 00:39:37.726

Kev, as if we're buddies. We are buddies. Kev, my man Kev.

00:39:38.946 --> 00:39:43.126

All right. So you ever meet those guys who act so confident?

00:39:43.306 --> 00:39:45.106

Like the, I call them the puffer fish.

00:39:45.546 --> 00:39:51.946

They just walk around like, oh yeah, I'm the man.

00:39:52.526 --> 00:39:59.086

Right? And I ask this question, why would someone with level 10 self-belief,

00:39:59.629 --> 00:40:05.329

have level two goals. It's not real. It's actually an overcorrection from the

00:40:05.329 --> 00:40:07.269

deep insecurity of feeling not enough.

00:40:07.449 --> 00:40:11.649

And so the people who actually feel enough don't have to flaunt it. Yes.

00:40:12.089 --> 00:40:14.649

So that's why you don't dislike me.

00:40:17.869 --> 00:40:22.589

That's my thesis. I'm sticking to it. And see, this is what's the difference

00:40:22.589 --> 00:40:25.009

between you and me, because the only thing I could come up with,

00:40:25.089 --> 00:40:29.429

I'm like, well, his business partner is named Kevin. It must be something to do with the name Kevin.

00:40:29.969 --> 00:40:34.629

Well, I think through association, you know, I must be a good dude because Kevin's a good dude.

00:40:34.709 --> 00:40:37.389

And so people like me because I'm associated with Kevin. They're like,

00:40:37.449 --> 00:40:41.529

well, if Kev can put up with him, maybe I can too, you know?

00:40:41.729 --> 00:40:43.629

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love it.

00:40:44.709 --> 00:40:48.769

So back on kind of lined with this story that you were sharing earlier,

00:40:48.849 --> 00:40:52.509

and you talked about the car accident that you were in.

00:40:52.749 --> 00:41:01.209

And I mean, let's face it, the irony of the closeness and age to that of your

00:41:01.209 --> 00:41:04.789

dad when he was in this car accident is very crazy.

00:41:05.049 --> 00:41:10.549

But what I wonder about it is why do you think.

00:41:11.944 --> 00:41:15.124

That was such a pivotal moment.

00:41:15.444 --> 00:41:20.324

Why do you think that it wasn't just a car accident and you go on with life?

00:41:20.444 --> 00:41:22.964

Why do you think it made such a big difference?

00:41:23.924 --> 00:41:27.684

Well, I've been asking myself that a lot, too, over the last nine years because

00:41:27.684 --> 00:41:29.064

this happened nine years ago.

00:41:29.384 --> 00:41:34.244

And I've always been a bit of an existentialist. And for those of you who don't

00:41:34.244 --> 00:41:36.944

know what an existentialist means, it means what is the point?

00:41:37.364 --> 00:41:41.984

Existence. Existentialism means what is the point? What is the purpose?

00:41:42.164 --> 00:41:44.884

Why are we here? And what does it all mean?

00:41:45.364 --> 00:41:49.544

And there's a book called A Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

00:41:49.604 --> 00:41:54.184

And for the women listening, please do not be turned off by the title because

00:41:54.184 --> 00:41:56.984

it's a wonderful, he means mankind, not just men.

00:41:57.564 --> 00:42:03.244

And so Viktor Frankl is a genius. And Viktor Frankl was in concentration camps during World War II.

00:42:03.804 --> 00:42:08.684

And he reflects on his experience in the worst circumstances you can possibly imagine.

00:42:09.004 --> 00:42:12.744

And for me, it's my perspective reset. Every time I think I'm having a hard

00:42:12.744 --> 00:42:16.464

day, Kev, I say, Alan, you've got running water, you've got a roof over your

00:42:16.464 --> 00:42:17.884

head, you've got nice clothing.

00:42:18.024 --> 00:42:20.644

Like, come on, man, you're fine. You have a 30-second commute.

00:42:20.864 --> 00:42:23.104

Oh, I can't believe I have to do this podcast, right?

00:42:23.384 --> 00:42:27.944

It's like, Alan, come on. Come on, man. So it's my perspective reset.

00:42:28.124 --> 00:42:32.884

And it brings me back down to earth when things are going good or bad.

00:42:33.224 --> 00:42:36.924

And the point of that is I've always been a bit of an existentialist.

00:42:36.944 --> 00:42:40.504

And so when things happen to me, I don't just let them ride.

00:42:40.704 --> 00:42:43.324

Oh, well, car accidents happen. I mean, I do my research.

00:42:43.544 --> 00:42:47.044

Back when I did get in my car accident, this was back in 2015.

00:42:47.664 --> 00:42:54.344

The average, I believe I looked this up at the time, it was 43,000 motor vehicle deaths in the US.

00:42:54.564 --> 00:42:58.224

And I think at the time we had like 300 million people. I think it's 338 now.

00:42:58.324 --> 00:43:01.564

I'm a big numbers guy, by the way. So I've done my research,

00:43:01.684 --> 00:43:05.984

but at the end of the day, I can't move forward. And I think this might be unique to me. I'm not sure.

00:43:06.184 --> 00:43:10.024

I can't move forward until I understand what happened there.

00:43:10.864 --> 00:43:16.464

Why did that happen? And I remember this really silly quote that I read way, way, way back.

00:43:16.564 --> 00:43:19.464

And it said, the person who understands how will always have a job.

00:43:19.564 --> 00:43:21.544

The person who understands why will always be their boss.

00:43:22.004 --> 00:43:26.724

Now, what I mean by that, because I hate the word boss, I like leader, being a leader.

00:43:27.404 --> 00:43:30.724

You'll never hear me use manager or boss. You'll never hear employee.

00:43:31.004 --> 00:43:33.984

We have 21 team members, but I'm not their boss.

00:43:34.244 --> 00:43:38.304

I am a leader. But anyways, so that quote, I do believe is valid though.

00:43:38.524 --> 00:43:42.264

Meaning, you have to know how things work and why they work.

00:43:42.544 --> 00:43:45.764

And for me, there's three main categories that I'm trying to understand.

00:43:45.764 --> 00:43:49.304

And, and I, again, I do think this is kind of weird, but I remember in my early

00:43:49.304 --> 00:43:52.984

twenties, I decided I wanted to be as intelligent as I possibly could.

00:43:53.024 --> 00:43:56.324

Meaning I wanted to understand more about the world than anyone ever had.

00:43:56.444 --> 00:44:00.544

And I know that's really weird, but whatever. That was my honest conversation myself.

00:44:00.984 --> 00:44:05.564

Now there's three categories. Number one is yourself, self-awareness.

00:44:06.228 --> 00:44:09.708

You need to understand how you work and why you work that way.

00:44:09.828 --> 00:44:11.308

You've got to study the self.

00:44:11.448 --> 00:44:15.028

Now, in the analogy of the GPS, that's the current location.

00:44:15.228 --> 00:44:18.508

So your GPS needs three things. It needs destination address,

00:44:18.808 --> 00:44:21.828

accurate destination address, aka a goal.

00:44:21.968 --> 00:44:26.888

It needs current location, accurate current location, aka self-awareness.

00:44:27.048 --> 00:44:31.428

And it needs updated data about the terrain and the roads and the lakes and

00:44:31.428 --> 00:44:35.628

the mountains and whatever else. If you're off on any of those three things,

00:44:35.748 --> 00:44:38.248

the GPS is going to drive you right into a lake.

00:44:38.468 --> 00:44:41.768

And so I think that's what life is, right? We set these goals,

00:44:41.868 --> 00:44:45.268

but they're inaccurate goals based on who we really are. Why?

00:44:45.368 --> 00:44:47.168

Because we're inaccurate about who we really are.

00:44:47.308 --> 00:44:49.928

Because we're drowning in all this misinformation of feedback,

00:44:50.168 --> 00:44:52.988

people bullying us, our upbringings were tough.

00:44:53.828 --> 00:44:56.728

We're told we're dumb when we're smart. We're told we're smart when we're dumb.

00:44:56.848 --> 00:45:00.908

It's this whole massive misinformation, inaccurate self-perception.

00:45:00.908 --> 00:45:04.308

And then you don't know how the world works. You don't know how the economy works.

00:45:04.508 --> 00:45:06.908

You don't know how business works. You don't have the skills.

00:45:07.048 --> 00:45:11.588

So you're driving into mountains or into lakes because you have the inaccurate data.

00:45:11.728 --> 00:45:17.428

I don't know if anyone listening is my age or older, but we used to have something called a Garmin.

00:45:17.508 --> 00:45:22.588

And the Garmin was a GPS before Google Maps, before Waze, before Apple Maps.

00:45:22.888 --> 00:45:25.628

And it was garbage. It was absolute garbage.

00:45:26.148 --> 00:45:30.748

And this thing will drive you into a lake, right? And it needs to update the data.

00:45:31.268 --> 00:45:34.568

And so my coaching is really just how do we update the data?

00:45:34.608 --> 00:45:37.528

Even this podcast right now, there's three buckets of understanding.

00:45:37.768 --> 00:45:40.568

Number one is yourself, how you work and why you work that way.

00:45:40.688 --> 00:45:45.588

Number two is other people, human beings, how they work and why they work that

00:45:45.588 --> 00:45:48.548

way. And then number three is the world, how it works and why it works.

00:45:48.899 --> 00:45:51.399

Why it works that way. I had this one client one time, her name's Bianca.

00:45:51.419 --> 00:45:54.179

She doesn't mind me sharing this. She said, Alan, I just don't think I'm self-aware enough.

00:45:54.519 --> 00:45:58.219

I said, you've got to stop. You're one of the most self-aware people I've ever

00:45:58.219 --> 00:45:59.079

met. You're a clinician.

00:45:59.439 --> 00:46:03.439

You self-reflect every single day. You have a coach who's constantly telling

00:46:03.439 --> 00:46:06.579

you and giving you feedback about your blind spots.

00:46:06.979 --> 00:46:09.939

You are one of the most self-aware people I've ever met. You want to know the

00:46:09.939 --> 00:46:13.619

truth? You just don't know how business works. You're trying to build a business

00:46:13.619 --> 00:46:14.879

and you don't know how to build a business.

00:46:15.299 --> 00:46:18.359

You don't know how science, technology, engineering mathematics business

00:46:18.359 --> 00:46:21.859

and finance works you don't need more self-awareness i

00:46:21.859 --> 00:46:24.539

mean you do because you always do but you know what i'm saying what you

00:46:24.539 --> 00:46:27.479

if what you wanted was what you needed you'd already have

00:46:27.479 --> 00:46:31.539

it remember that if what you wanted was what you needed you'd already have it

00:46:31.539 --> 00:46:36.179

so here i am over here studying the goddamn economy again in my 20s and here

00:46:36.179 --> 00:46:41.039

she is studying self and she needs to go learn the economy and i need to self-reflect

00:46:41.039 --> 00:46:44.619

and so we're We're all righty or lefty,

00:46:44.619 --> 00:46:48.459

but we need to work on the opposite arm and we need to be ambidextrous.

00:46:48.539 --> 00:46:54.399

And so the longest winded answer ever to your original question is I'm an existentialist

00:46:54.399 --> 00:46:55.719

who needed to understand.

00:46:55.819 --> 00:47:00.579

I playfully joke with my partner, Emilia. I say, I don't want to know. I effing need to know.

00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:06.179

And that's that's my life is to learn as much as humanly possible. Yeah, absolutely.

00:47:06.539 --> 00:47:11.679

Oh, my God. And so my next question is,

00:47:11.699 --> 00:47:23.379

is if the car accident was a massive pivot point in life and you set off on this, this direction,

00:47:23.499 --> 00:47:31.439

what is the, the pivot point though, that actually makes the turn to get you

00:47:31.439 --> 00:47:33.419

to where you are today? Yeah.

00:47:33.775 --> 00:47:40.955

Yeah. So the pivot point post car accident, I think the one thing I would point

00:47:40.955 --> 00:47:43.255

to more than anything is getting my health and fitness in order.

00:47:43.935 --> 00:47:49.035

I tell this story. I wrote a blog about this once. It was 2014, I think.

00:47:49.215 --> 00:47:53.155

No. Whenever the Superman movie came out with Henry Cable, I don't remember

00:47:53.155 --> 00:47:56.815

when, but there's this shirtless scene where he gets out of this lake and he's

00:47:56.815 --> 00:48:00.515

jacked. And I was not taking my fitness seriously.

00:48:01.095 --> 00:48:05.935

I was drinking too much and too often. I just was letting myself down,

00:48:06.055 --> 00:48:10.355

letting myself down, letting myself down, letting myself down and stuck in the shame of all that.

00:48:10.355 --> 00:48:16.175

And I remember when that scene happened, I saw his physique and I was just, whoa.

00:48:16.495 --> 00:48:20.575

And I said, I got to go to the bathroom. I had a Mountain Dew and Captain Morgan

00:48:20.575 --> 00:48:23.135

and I was drinking at the time and it was after dinner.

00:48:23.195 --> 00:48:24.855

I was with a friend and I said, I got to go to the bathroom.

00:48:24.935 --> 00:48:25.655

I didn't have to go to the bathroom.

00:48:25.775 --> 00:48:28.875

I just looked in the mirror and I just ended up weeping, crying.

00:48:29.055 --> 00:48:34.655

I just looked at my frail, let myself down physique and I just started weeping.

00:48:35.375 --> 00:48:40.455

And after that, I started to dial in fitness. I started to try to go to the

00:48:40.455 --> 00:48:43.955

gym and it took a while and post-car accident, same deal.

00:48:44.035 --> 00:48:48.175

I started really getting my fitness going and so much in fact,

00:48:48.175 --> 00:48:51.735

that I ended up being a fitness coach, fitness competitor, fitness model.

00:48:51.875 --> 00:48:53.195

I've done 41 photo shoots.

00:48:53.415 --> 00:49:00.375

So if you Google my name, there will be some pictures of me in my skivvies, nothing nude.

00:49:00.495 --> 00:49:02.355

It's underwear, some underwear stuff.

00:49:02.495 --> 00:49:06.095

But at the end of the day, it's interesting. Engineer turned fitness model.

00:49:06.215 --> 00:49:11.035

It's a weird life, but not an often combination. You know what I mean?

00:49:11.475 --> 00:49:14.155

But the point that I'm making is, is the thing that got me here,

00:49:14.235 --> 00:49:17.175

I think more than anything was finally dialing in my health and fitness.

00:49:17.435 --> 00:49:22.235

Cause I was this tall, lanky, ectomorphic prepubescent high schooler.

00:49:22.275 --> 00:49:27.575

My sister was older and she was a senior when I was a freshman and I was just, I hadn't hit puberty.

00:49:27.675 --> 00:49:30.175

I still kind of haven't. So imagine me back then. Right.

00:49:30.735 --> 00:49:35.215

And so I just was so jealous of all these guys who could dunk in high school

00:49:35.215 --> 00:49:39.075

and they all looked like men with beards. And my sister's friends used to give

00:49:39.075 --> 00:49:42.295

me pity dances and she was the most popular girl in the high school for the

00:49:42.295 --> 00:49:44.935

most part. And I, I just remember feeling so insignificant.

00:49:45.255 --> 00:49:50.215

And so when I finally started getting my fitness going, everything else changed

00:49:50.215 --> 00:49:51.915

for me. I started feeling stronger.

00:49:52.215 --> 00:49:55.435

I started feeling better about myself. And more importantly,

00:49:55.495 --> 00:49:58.195

underneath all this to answer your original question is self-worth. Thank you.

00:49:58.622 --> 00:50:01.782

I believe now that those are the two things that matter most.

00:50:01.902 --> 00:50:04.582

I know you and I have talked about this in our group coaching program.

00:50:05.062 --> 00:50:09.422

The self-belief is critical. And I always felt like I had self-belief,

00:50:09.442 --> 00:50:11.882

but I never felt like I had self-worth.

00:50:12.422 --> 00:50:18.182

Self-belief is I can build the castle. Self-worth is I deserve to live here

00:50:18.182 --> 00:50:21.382

and I'm going to honor and respect the castle and I'm going to set boundaries

00:50:21.382 --> 00:50:23.842

and I'm going to take care of it and I'm going to clean it and I'm I'm going

00:50:23.842 --> 00:50:28.262

to renovate it versus I'm going to invite my friends to spill beer on the carpets

00:50:28.262 --> 00:50:31.122

and treat me like trash and that kind of thing.

00:50:31.262 --> 00:50:34.242

And so for those of you who have had adverse childhood experiences,

00:50:34.402 --> 00:50:36.642

back to the ACE score, ACE, your

00:50:36.642 --> 00:50:40.382

self-worth is most likely lower than it should be. Mine certainly was.

00:50:40.682 --> 00:50:44.362

And so as I got older and wiser and I worked harder and harder and harder on

00:50:44.362 --> 00:50:47.882

building my castle, so to speak, self-improvement versus just achievement,

00:50:48.062 --> 00:50:50.602

I started to really build self-esteem and self-worth.

00:50:50.762 --> 00:50:53.422

And fortunately, that's what's really made the biggest difference for me.

00:50:53.762 --> 00:50:57.942

And again, if what you were already good at was what you needed to work on,

00:50:58.062 --> 00:51:00.682

we would all be well-rounded.

00:51:00.822 --> 00:51:04.462

And so a lot of us are not holistic and not well-rounded because we want to

00:51:04.462 --> 00:51:06.682

just double down on what's already easy for us.

00:51:07.242 --> 00:51:12.122

When in reality, what we have to do is look at, usually our strengths are in

00:51:12.122 --> 00:51:15.482

the opposite direction of whatever our deepest pain is. And if you can turn

00:51:15.482 --> 00:51:16.722

around and look at that pain.

00:51:16.862 --> 00:51:20.622

So for me, feeling insignificant, feeling like my stepdad never wanted kids,

00:51:20.762 --> 00:51:24.942

losing my dad, not having male role models, being a prepubescent,

00:51:24.962 --> 00:51:29.342

insignificant young man who was playing the long game, but was overseen by all the girls.

00:51:29.742 --> 00:51:34.782

All that stuff drove me. And then I eventually got all these results and realized

00:51:34.782 --> 00:51:37.482

it wasn't fulfilling because that wasn't the answer.

00:51:37.622 --> 00:51:40.222

What was the real problem was self-worth, which is building the self.

00:51:40.802 --> 00:51:44.642

And so building the self is how you build self-worth. Invest in yourself.

00:51:45.242 --> 00:51:48.902

Keep the small promises you make to yourself. Set and honor clear boundaries.

00:51:49.062 --> 00:51:52.942

Have the courage to stick up to bullies. Stand up for yourself. Stick up for yourself.

00:51:53.702 --> 00:51:57.642

And then the last one is make sure you don't do, Kevin calls this,

00:51:57.682 --> 00:51:59.222

don't compare apples to apple pie.

00:51:59.442 --> 00:52:03.122

And what he means by that is don't compare your podcast that's brand new to

00:52:03.122 --> 00:52:05.942

ours that we've been doing for seven years, because that's a good way to feel

00:52:05.942 --> 00:52:07.942

terrible about where you are. Wow.

00:52:08.502 --> 00:52:17.902

You have such wisdom. You know, it's really incredible for somebody to have

00:52:17.902 --> 00:52:21.322

gained the amount of insight on life that you have.

00:52:22.325 --> 00:52:25.505

It's honestly, it's really, really amazing.

00:52:26.105 --> 00:52:29.345

Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I really appreciate it. That is hard for me

00:52:29.345 --> 00:52:34.145

to receive because like I said, the self-worth challenges, but I really,

00:52:34.145 --> 00:52:36.405

I really do appreciate it. It's definitely been hard earned.

00:52:36.545 --> 00:52:40.165

I have not, uh, I've not been hanging out eating Cheetos. You know what I'm saying?

00:52:44.485 --> 00:52:48.025

Only on the weekends, Kevin. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly.

00:52:49.025 --> 00:52:54.005

So I want to shift gears a little bit and I want to ask you to talk about two

00:52:54.005 --> 00:52:58.065

relationships, the one with your business partner, Kevin Palmieri,

00:52:58.225 --> 00:53:02.545

and the other with, is it your wife, Amelia, or partner?

00:53:02.545 --> 00:53:05.065

So I always say future wife. I actually said that recently.

00:53:05.405 --> 00:53:07.645

And someone said, oh, congratulations.

00:53:08.125 --> 00:53:14.545

I was like, oh, well, we talk about it all the time because we're very future oriented.

00:53:14.805 --> 00:53:18.245

She's an entrepreneur as well. She's extremely future oriented, visionary.

00:53:18.625 --> 00:53:22.985

And we intend on being together forever. And so I say future wife,

00:53:23.125 --> 00:53:24.325

but we're not engaged yet.

00:53:24.785 --> 00:53:28.325

You know, so girlfriend, future wife.

00:53:29.025 --> 00:53:36.525

I love it. I love it. So what I want to ask you about these these two relationships is,

00:53:36.725 --> 00:53:43.505

you know, when you talked about your childhood and it's would make me think

00:53:43.505 --> 00:53:49.585

that relationships could be hard because people leave.

00:53:50.085 --> 00:53:55.845

I'm wondering, though, these two relationships, because of the massive impact

00:53:55.845 --> 00:54:01.725

they are on your day-to-day life, I would love for you just to share a little bit about this.

00:54:01.985 --> 00:54:07.285

Yeah, the two biggest positive impact people in my life are Kevin and Emilia.

00:54:07.465 --> 00:54:11.785

And the truth is, I wouldn't have met Emilia. I don't believe I would have met

00:54:11.785 --> 00:54:14.005

Emilia without Kevin. And so he helped me a lot.

00:54:14.145 --> 00:54:17.045

We talk often about how we playfully joke.

00:54:17.105 --> 00:54:19.865

He's like, I wouldn't have been successful without you. And I say,

00:54:19.945 --> 00:54:23.025

I probably wouldn't have been well-rounded without you.

00:54:23.205 --> 00:54:26.965

So we definitely helped each other tremendously.

00:54:27.465 --> 00:54:31.005

He's helped me become a better man for sure. And if I hadn't become a better

00:54:31.005 --> 00:54:33.685

man, I would never have met my beautiful girlfriend, Emilia.

00:54:33.765 --> 00:54:38.125

She is the most magnificent human being I've ever met. She's the greatest gift of my life.

00:54:38.585 --> 00:54:41.525

I always say the best decision I ever made was going to WPI.

00:54:41.685 --> 00:54:45.485

The second best decision I ever made was leaving my ex. And the best decision

00:54:45.485 --> 00:54:47.105

I ever made was DMing Emilia Smith.

00:54:47.405 --> 00:54:52.085

So without those three, I would be in a very different spot.

00:54:52.465 --> 00:54:56.945

Playfulness aside, Kev and Emilia have definitely, and again,

00:54:56.985 --> 00:55:02.185

I didn't know that I had this sort of unlovable little genius part of me.

00:55:02.405 --> 00:55:05.565

And for those of you out there who have ever heard of internal family systems,

00:55:05.685 --> 00:55:09.385

it's a modality of therapy where we have different parts and we all have an

00:55:09.385 --> 00:55:12.685

exile and it's usually our deepest fear, the part of us that we have shame around.

00:55:12.685 --> 00:55:17.405

But I had no idea that I had these abandonment issues until I started doing therapy in my thirties.

00:55:18.518 --> 00:55:21.038

I think I had an inkling and I've always been working on it,

00:55:21.078 --> 00:55:25.598

but unconsciously it was, it wasn't until 30 that I started really working on this consciously.

00:55:25.978 --> 00:55:29.178

And the truth of the matter is, is relationships never felt easy for me.

00:55:29.578 --> 00:55:32.298

I always felt like success came very easy.

00:55:33.038 --> 00:55:37.678

Numbers always felt easy. You know, I was the obnoxious guy who could party

00:55:37.678 --> 00:55:40.818

all night, not go to class and then ace all the calculus tests.

00:55:41.078 --> 00:55:44.238

I remember one, one friend of mine in high school, she used to say,

00:55:44.298 --> 00:55:48.098

it takes me 10 hours to study. I teach it to you in 10 minutes and then you beat me on the test.

00:55:49.938 --> 00:55:55.058

I was like, thank you so much for your efforts. We appreciate you so much.

00:55:55.238 --> 00:55:59.458

But anyways, so that stuff, achievement always felt fairly easy for me.

00:55:59.498 --> 00:56:04.398

And again, it's never easy, but it felt fairly easy. The hard part was always social.

00:56:04.498 --> 00:56:07.238

Like I mentioned, relationships were always hard.

00:56:07.378 --> 00:56:10.038

I didn't understand vulnerability. I didn't understand courage.

00:56:10.558 --> 00:56:13.978

I didn't understand humility, what it really meant, what it looked like in a

00:56:13.978 --> 00:56:17.618

relationship. I didn't understand how to communicate effectively.

00:56:17.838 --> 00:56:20.718

I didn't understand core values and love languages.

00:56:21.278 --> 00:56:24.838

And now we have a podcast, Emilia and I, called The Conscious Couples Podcast.

00:56:24.978 --> 00:56:29.478

And now we've been coaching intimate relationship couples for coming up on four

00:56:29.478 --> 00:56:30.638

years now, which is wild.

00:56:30.678 --> 00:56:33.118

Because truth be told, I'm learning more than anyone else is,

00:56:33.138 --> 00:56:36.098

which is great. It's more her genius zone than it is mine.

00:56:36.238 --> 00:56:42.778

I'm the business guy. But Kevin and Emilia have given me the certainty and the

00:56:42.778 --> 00:56:43.978

unconditional love that I think

00:56:43.978 --> 00:56:48.738

I need or needed to to grow into the man that I think I'm meant to be.

00:56:48.838 --> 00:56:55.358

And I do believe that having people around you that want you to be you,

00:56:55.598 --> 00:56:57.258

regardless of themselves.

00:56:58.442 --> 00:57:02.002

Is absolutely critical. And the truth of the matter is that's actually rare.

00:57:02.202 --> 00:57:04.422

And I can break down some of the psychology quickly about that,

00:57:04.462 --> 00:57:08.202

which is there's four sort of types of relationships.

00:57:08.502 --> 00:57:10.642

We all are born as dependent.

00:57:11.002 --> 00:57:15.522

We're dependent on our caregiver, our mom or our dad or our grandma or grandpa or whatever.

00:57:15.642 --> 00:57:20.422

And so we're all born naked, scared and ignorant and dependent on a caregiver.

00:57:20.682 --> 00:57:25.642

And then we grow up and we're a teenager and we're independent and I don't need

00:57:25.642 --> 00:57:29.682

you anymore. I am my own man or my own woman or my own whatever.

00:57:29.962 --> 00:57:33.442

And then we go out and we get humbled quick.

00:57:34.242 --> 00:57:37.782

And then we come crawling back to mommy or daddy or whoever,

00:57:38.562 --> 00:57:42.882

because we were arrogant teenagers who made some seriously bad decisions.

00:57:43.042 --> 00:57:47.082

And maybe I'm just talking about myself, a friend of mine, right?

00:57:47.402 --> 00:57:51.542

A friend of mine made some bad choices, quote unquote. It wasn't me.

00:57:51.682 --> 00:57:54.762

It was a friend of mine. No, it was me for sure.

00:57:55.542 --> 00:57:59.982

And so you are dependent and then you're independent. And then eventually after

00:57:59.982 --> 00:58:03.702

you get smacked down by life, inevitably you become codependent.

00:58:03.822 --> 00:58:06.102

And codependent is not a good place.

00:58:06.362 --> 00:58:09.022

Codependent is I need you rather than I want you.

00:58:09.962 --> 00:58:15.082

Codependent is I need you to stay with me and you hold on too tightly.

00:58:15.162 --> 00:58:16.982

There's that hold on loosely, but don't let go.

00:58:17.102 --> 00:58:20.302

That is the fourth step that most people don't get to.

00:58:20.562 --> 00:58:23.062

And it took me years and years and years and years to realize this.

00:58:23.062 --> 00:58:27.802

But interdependent is I don't need you and you don't need me,

00:58:27.862 --> 00:58:28.762

but we're better together.

00:58:29.022 --> 00:58:32.442

And so at NLU, I say better together, hashtag better together all the time.

00:58:32.502 --> 00:58:36.282

But the truth is, I don't need Kevin and he doesn't need me.

00:58:37.162 --> 00:58:41.722

Now, if that's true, I need oxygen. Oxygen goes away and I'm screwed.

00:58:41.922 --> 00:58:45.362

So I need oxygen. I don't need Kevin. I want Kevin.

00:58:46.322 --> 00:58:51.662

Unconditional love is not needy. Unconditional love is we are two independent

00:58:51.662 --> 00:58:54.642

human beings who are interdependent,

00:58:55.355 --> 00:58:58.615

Because we're better off together than we are apart. The whole is greater than

00:58:58.615 --> 00:59:01.715

the sum of its parts. And so it took me so many years to figure that out.

00:59:02.055 --> 00:59:06.795

But a lot of us have codependent relationships with our caregivers or with our

00:59:06.795 --> 00:59:09.095

kids. And I don't have kids, so I'm not speaking about that.

00:59:09.275 --> 00:59:14.135

But our friends, our intimate partners, and it creates this,

00:59:14.295 --> 00:59:19.295

you have to be who I need you to be instead of you get to be and evolve and

00:59:19.295 --> 00:59:20.575

grow into who you're meant to be.

00:59:20.575 --> 00:59:25.735

And fortunately, Emilia and Kev have been that for me, where they have evolved

00:59:25.735 --> 00:59:31.735

along the way to a point where they aren't trying to get me to be anything other than who I really am.

00:59:32.075 --> 00:59:36.995

And they want to help my phoenix burn down and regrow from those ashes every

00:59:36.995 --> 00:59:40.175

day, every week, every month, every quarter, every year, and every decade.

00:59:40.335 --> 00:59:43.915

And so coming from a childhood where that was definitely not the case,

00:59:43.915 --> 00:59:46.215

there was a lot of codependence, there was a lot of independence,

00:59:46.535 --> 00:59:50.075

there was a lot of dependence, and not a lot of interdependence going on.

00:59:50.075 --> 00:59:53.755

Because quite frankly, it takes a lot of emotional maturity for you to have

00:59:53.755 --> 00:59:54.915

an interdependent relationship.

00:59:55.195 --> 00:59:58.515

Like even right now, this podcast, you don't need me as a guest and I don't

00:59:58.515 --> 01:00:03.855

need to be here, but we're both better off because we're both here. Yeah, absolutely.

01:00:04.195 --> 01:00:08.755

Makes sense. Makes sense to me. I have one last question for you.

01:00:08.795 --> 01:00:14.995

But before we get to that, I want you to tell everybody about what you and Kevin

01:00:14.995 --> 01:00:20.455

have have built and all the ways that they can get plugged into your world.

01:00:20.455 --> 01:00:24.735

Okay, so Next Level University has an interesting origin story.

01:00:24.815 --> 01:00:27.495

I had a podcast called Conversations Change Lives.

01:00:28.195 --> 01:00:34.035

I think people learn four ways. The three big ones that everyone knows is auditory,

01:00:34.035 --> 01:00:36.035

visual, and kinesthetic.

01:00:36.155 --> 01:00:38.795

The one that not a lot of people know about is talking.

01:00:39.815 --> 01:00:43.995

So I learn from conversation. And I think you do as well.

01:00:44.508 --> 01:00:48.868

Kevin, which is why you love podcasting. Yeah. And so we learned through conversation.

01:00:48.988 --> 01:00:52.028

So I started a little podcast called Conversations Change Lives.

01:00:52.208 --> 01:00:53.708

And Kevin was my first guest.

01:00:53.988 --> 01:00:57.848

And he had a podcast called The Hyperconscious Podcast. Change the way you act

01:00:57.848 --> 01:01:00.148

or change the way you think, change the way you act, change the way you live.

01:01:00.228 --> 01:01:01.888

He's never going to forgive me for butchering that.

01:01:03.748 --> 01:01:06.608

But if you look up hyperconscious in the dictionary, it means acutely aware.

01:01:06.808 --> 01:01:10.428

So I was his first guest. He was my first guest. And then we teamed up and had

01:01:10.428 --> 01:01:13.268

the worst podcast title of all time. Are you ready?

01:01:13.628 --> 01:01:18.128

Let's hear it. The Conversations Change Lives Meets Hyperconscious Podcast.

01:01:20.528 --> 01:01:24.948

Brutal. So we did that for about 20 episodes before we woke up from that nightmare.

01:01:25.388 --> 01:01:27.788

And we decided to go all in on hyperconscious.

01:01:28.288 --> 01:01:34.308

And then about 400 to 500 episodes later, we rebranded to what's now known as Next Level University.

01:01:34.648 --> 01:01:39.428

Level up your life, love, health, and wealth. and it's holistic self-improvement

01:01:39.428 --> 01:01:44.308

in your pocket from anywhere on the planet every single day, completely free.

01:01:44.448 --> 01:01:47.148

And we believe in your bigger, better, brighter future.

01:01:47.348 --> 01:01:52.308

And we believe in open source knowledge, which is if you're a young kid who

01:01:52.308 --> 01:01:56.508

needs a guide or a role model, we're there for you every single day from anywhere

01:01:56.508 --> 01:01:57.688

on the planet, completely free.

01:01:57.808 --> 01:02:02.108

Now, we also have a ton of other, you mentioned plug-in, plug-in to Next Level

01:02:02.108 --> 01:02:07.088

Universe or Next Level University. So the website is nextleveluniverse.com.

01:02:07.668 --> 01:02:12.608

That's universe spelled just like it sounds. And then the podcast is Next Level University.

01:02:13.568 --> 01:02:17.788

And we're on all the podcast platforms. I have Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.

01:02:17.888 --> 01:02:24.188

You can look up my name. You can also email me, A-L-A-N at nextleveluniverse.com.

01:02:24.748 --> 01:02:28.028

And if you do email me, please just provide context.

01:02:28.208 --> 01:02:31.748

Because like all of us, I get a lot of spam email. mail and uh kev

01:02:31.748 --> 01:02:35.808

so the the person who holds next level university.com egg

01:02:35.808 --> 01:02:38.688

on their face because they're charging way too much money so we

01:02:38.688 --> 01:02:43.768

just said you know what this is the next level universe so all all things next

01:02:43.768 --> 01:02:51.888

level next level universe.com so i like it yes well i will be positive that

01:02:51.888 --> 01:02:57.728

everything you just mentioned is in the show notes for anybody interested in accessing that Yeah.

01:02:58.028 --> 01:03:01.028

Alan, I got one last question for you.

01:03:01.068 --> 01:03:08.368

And I listened to our conversation today and I listened to your story of where

01:03:08.368 --> 01:03:11.848

you've come from, where you are today, what you've built.

01:03:11.908 --> 01:03:19.868

You have all this massive, massive success in your business and I would even say your life.

01:03:19.868 --> 01:03:28.788

And what I, though, would love to know is when it's the end of the day and no

01:03:28.788 --> 01:03:31.108

one else is around, you're just maybe laying in bed.

01:03:32.184 --> 01:03:38.124

What do you think? Are you recognizing that what you've built,

01:03:38.184 --> 01:03:40.364

what you've done is because of you?

01:03:40.464 --> 01:03:46.464

Or do you still default to not feeling like you deserve that credit?

01:03:46.704 --> 01:03:50.384

I would say if you had asked me that question before my car accident,

01:03:50.544 --> 01:03:55.344

I would not have been able to honestly say that I was proud of me because I

01:03:55.344 --> 01:04:01.144

wasn't. The truth is I was not maximizing my own I have a quote in the corner of my office.

01:04:01.624 --> 01:04:06.584

It's written there every single day. You are here to maximize your own unique

01:04:06.584 --> 01:04:09.064

potential and to help others do the same.

01:04:09.464 --> 01:04:12.644

Everything else is secondary. That's my calling.

01:04:13.264 --> 01:04:17.304

And it always has been. I don't know if you create a calling or if you uncover

01:04:17.304 --> 01:04:20.664

it. I'm starting to think you uncover it. I've been coaching people my whole life.

01:04:20.744 --> 01:04:24.184

I just started getting paid for it recently in the last seven years.

01:04:25.124 --> 01:04:29.024

You know, I'm the pain in the butt that a lot of people thank later and or just

01:04:29.024 --> 01:04:33.464

run away from, but which, you know, helps the abandonment issue really well.

01:04:33.544 --> 01:04:38.964

So if you want people to like you, don't focus on helping them achieve their

01:04:38.964 --> 01:04:41.424

goals and dreams that they're really just trying to talk about.

01:04:41.544 --> 01:04:46.144

They don't actually want to do the work. But anyways, so I've smartened up over the years.

01:04:46.284 --> 01:04:51.124

And the truth of the matter is I do feel now like I'm in alignment with that calling.

01:04:51.284 --> 01:04:53.284

And so I can honestly say I'm fulfilled.

01:04:53.684 --> 01:04:58.424

Now, if I were to not stay in alignment with that for several weeks,

01:04:58.544 --> 01:05:00.144

I think we all know when we're out of alignment.

01:05:00.284 --> 01:05:03.864

We all know when we're letting ourselves down. We all know when we're not living

01:05:03.864 --> 01:05:07.724

our passion, our purpose, and our profit. We all know deep down.

01:05:08.144 --> 01:05:13.384

And usually it's a whisper saying, Hey, Alan, you really should consider doing

01:05:13.384 --> 01:05:16.084

a little better. Hey, Alan, you should go to the gym.

01:05:16.264 --> 01:05:18.544

Hey, Alan, you should do this.

01:05:18.824 --> 01:05:21.564

You gotta start answering those whispers and answering those calls.

01:05:21.744 --> 01:05:25.544

And so we all have a journey. We all have a hero's journey.

01:05:26.323 --> 01:05:31.243

And I think that the answer is to answer that call and to have the courage to

01:05:31.243 --> 01:05:32.243

become who you're meant to be.

01:05:32.363 --> 01:05:34.763

And only you know for you what that is.

01:05:35.283 --> 01:05:41.563

And I can say now wholeheartedly that I am finally in alignment with that better

01:05:41.563 --> 01:05:46.503

than I've ever been. but I doubt it will be as in alignment as I'll be able

01:05:46.503 --> 01:05:48.483

to say next year and the year after that and the year after that.

01:05:48.583 --> 01:05:51.823

So I'm doing all I can with all I have. And the truth is I never could have

01:05:51.823 --> 01:05:55.923

said that before 26, but now I can say I'm doing all I can with all I have every day.

01:05:55.983 --> 01:06:00.443

I'm not perfect, but I am getting better and I'm getting better with a lot of

01:06:00.443 --> 01:06:01.643

other people that are getting better.

01:06:01.723 --> 01:06:05.103

And so the compound effect of that is definitely rippling outward and the impact

01:06:05.103 --> 01:06:10.203

is rippling outward and it's creating a hell of a quality of life that I'm enjoying thoroughly.

01:06:10.383 --> 01:06:13.963

So thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it, Kev. This is awesome.

01:06:14.183 --> 01:06:17.303

One of my favorites, to be completely honest. I'm sure you get that all the time.

01:06:17.803 --> 01:06:22.983

And I really appreciate the platform. Oh, man, you have no idea how much I've

01:06:22.983 --> 01:06:24.463

enjoyed our conversation today.

01:06:24.963 --> 01:06:31.683

I write back at you. Thank you for being here and for just being so open and honest and real and raw.

01:06:39.463 --> 01:06:42.163

And listening is like i need to re-listen and maybe

01:06:42.163 --> 01:06:44.823

take some notes a second time because it's that

01:06:44.823 --> 01:06:49.563

kind of good so uh man thank you in the most sincere way possible well said

01:06:49.563 --> 01:06:55.883

it's that kind of good i like that it's that kind of good yes it is for you

01:06:55.883 --> 01:07:01.183

listening today i hope you feel the same that it is indeed that kind of good

01:07:01.183 --> 01:07:03.783

this is kevin with great grace and inspiration,

01:07:04.803 --> 01:07:06.643

enjoy the rest of your day.

01:07:06.960 --> 01:07:25.731

Music