What if your deepest trauma could be transformed into your greatest strength? Meet Serena Mastin, a woman who emerged from unimaginable adversity to become a beacon of resilience. Her story is one you won’t want to miss.

Who Is This For?

Many of us face overwhelming challenges that seem impossible to overcome. This episode explores how Serena turned her darkest moments into a source of unstoppable strength, providing insight and inspiration for anyone seeking to transform their own life.

What's It All About?

In this riveting episode, Serena Mastin shares her incredible journey from a traumatic childhood and tumultuous adulthood to finding empowerment and freedom. Despite enduring unimaginable abuse and betrayal, Serena's story of survival and strength will captivate and inspire you to find courage in your own life. Tune in to hear how she transformed her pain into power and learn valuable lessons on resilience and self-forgiveness.


Some Key Takeaways:

  • Transforming Trauma into Strength: Learn how Serena overcame severe abuse and betrayal to become a powerful, resilient woman.
  • The Power of Forgiveness: Discover the profound impact of forgiving others and yourself to heal and move forward.
  • Practical Steps for Leaving Toxic Situations: Serena shares her "PREPARE" acronym, a step-by-step guide for safely and effectively exiting harmful environments.


Don’t miss a single second of this powerful and inspiring story—listen now and start your own journey to transform your challenges into strengths!


Mentioned Links & Resources:



Today's Featured Guest:

Serena Mastin

Serena Mastin is a survivor, entrepreneur, and now author who has turned her traumatic past into a mission to inspire and empower others. Growing up in an abusive household and later facing multiple betrayals in her marriage, Serena found the strength to rebuild her life and launch a successful marketing agency. Her book, "Exposed: You Can't Heal When You Hide," details her journey and offers hope to those in similar situations. Serena’s story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of self-forgiveness.


BE IN THE KNOW!

CLICK HERE to Get on The OFFICIAL Email List for the Podcast!



Hey, it's Kevin!


I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!


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  • Show Notes

    What if your deepest trauma could be transformed into your greatest strength? Meet Serena Mastin, a woman who emerged from unimaginable adversity to become a beacon of resilience. Her story is one you won’t want to miss.

    Who Is This For?

    Many of us face overwhelming challenges that seem impossible to overcome. This episode explores how Serena turned her darkest moments into a source of unstoppable strength, providing insight and inspiration for anyone seeking to transform their own life.

    What's It All About?

    In this riveting episode, Serena Mastin shares her incredible journey from a traumatic childhood and tumultuous adulthood to finding empowerment and freedom. Despite enduring unimaginable abuse and betrayal, Serena's story of survival and strength will captivate and inspire you to find courage in your own life. Tune in to hear how she transformed her pain into power and learn valuable lessons on resilience and self-forgiveness.


    Some Key Takeaways:

    • Transforming Trauma into Strength: Learn how Serena overcame severe abuse and betrayal to become a powerful, resilient woman.
    • The Power of Forgiveness: Discover the profound impact of forgiving others and yourself to heal and move forward.
    • Practical Steps for Leaving Toxic Situations: Serena shares her "PREPARE" acronym, a step-by-step guide for safely and effectively exiting harmful environments.


    Don’t miss a single second of this powerful and inspiring story—listen now and start your own journey to transform your challenges into strengths!


    Mentioned Links & Resources:



    Today's Featured Guest:

    Serena Mastin

    Serena Mastin is a survivor, entrepreneur, and now author who has turned her traumatic past into a mission to inspire and empower others. Growing up in an abusive household and later facing multiple betrayals in her marriage, Serena found the strength to rebuild her life and launch a successful marketing agency. Her book, "Exposed: You Can't Heal When You Hide," details her journey and offers hope to those in similar situations. Serena’s story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of self-forgiveness.


    BE IN THE KNOW!

    CLICK HERE to Get on The OFFICIAL Email List for the Podcast!



    Hey, it's Kevin!


    I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!




    Stay Awesome! Live Inspired!

    © 2024 Grit, Grace, & Inspiration

    Show Transcript

    00:00:00.997 --> 00:00:06.317


    Like so many of the stories shared here on the podcast, we have yet another



    00:00:06.317 --> 00:00:12.177


    woman who's going to blow you away because, well, she figured out how to turn



    00:00:12.177 --> 00:00:15.157


    her deepest trauma into unstoppable strength.



    00:00:15.757 --> 00:00:21.737


    Despite a childhood that more resembled a real-life nightmare and suffering



    00:00:21.737 --> 00:00:26.917


    even more trauma in adulthood, Serena Mastin, in spite of it all,



    00:00:27.037 --> 00:00:29.817


    has emerged from the flames like a phoenix.



    00:00:30.017 --> 00:00:36.897


    Her story, it's sure to grip you, move you, and hopefully inspire you to gain



    00:00:36.897 --> 00:00:40.697


    your own courage to turn your own trauma into strength.



    00:00:41.317 --> 00:00:48.497


    You will not want to miss a single moment of this captivating interview with Serena Mastiff.



    00:00:48.697 --> 00:00:52.997


    My friend, I welcome you to What Is, episode 294.



    00:00:53.497 --> 00:00:57.577


    What's up, my friend, and welcome to Grit Graceland Inspiration.



    00:00:57.577 --> 00:00:59.457


    I am your host, Kevin Lowe.



    00:00:59.657 --> 00:01:05.517


    20 years ago, I awoke from a life-saving surgery only to find that I was left completely blind.



    00:01:05.757 --> 00:01:10.877


    And since that day, I've learned a lot about life, a lot about living, and a lot about myself.



    00:01:11.197 --> 00:01:14.977


    And here on this podcast, I want to share those insights with you.



    00:01:15.137 --> 00:01:18.697


    Because friend, if you are still searching for your purpose,



    00:01:18.917 --> 00:01:24.397


    still trying to understand why, or still left searching for that next right



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    path to take, well, consider this to be your stepping stone to get you from



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    where you are to where you want to be.



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    All right, you gotta get real with me. I've been asking you if there's anything



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    that here on the podcast we can help you pray for.



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    We've been doing prayer requests and I would love to be able to help you in



    00:01:44.777 --> 00:01:47.117


    praying for something weighing heavy on your heart.



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    Now, here's the problem. is this only works with participation.



    00:01:51.737 --> 00:01:58.917


    And I mean, I guess my hope is, is that you don't have anything you need help and praying for.



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    That everything in life is just absolutely beautiful.



    00:02:03.437 --> 00:02:09.837


    But unless you're not living in this world, chances are you're probably struggling with something.



    00:02:09.997 --> 00:02:15.837


    You're worried about something or there's somebody in your life who is hurting.



    00:02:15.837 --> 00:02:22.257


    That is exactly what this is here for, is I have a platform reaching people



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    all over the entire globe.



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    And if we can be joined together, all praying for one thing each week,



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    I feel like that can make a positive impact in the world.



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    If you have a prayer request, please send to me via text message to 877-749-8178.



    00:02:45.302 --> 00:02:53.462


    Again, send your prayer request to me via text message to 877-749-8178.



    00:02:53.742 --> 00:02:58.662


    As always, your prayer request can be kept anonymous. That is totally up to you.



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    I am just here to get your prayer request heard by more people who can lift it up in prayer.



    00:03:06.182 --> 00:03:11.002


    So again, send that prayer request in and it can be featured on a future episode



    00:03:11.002 --> 00:03:15.462


    of the podcast. Until then, I hope you enjoy today's episode.



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    I would say the turning point in my life where I felt that my story was something



    00:03:23.462 --> 00:03:29.782


    that people needed to hear was really probably in my 30s.



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    I had a mentor, and he's actually still my mentor, and he told me,



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    he said, your story is so powerful, you need to share it.



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    And I kind of brushed it off thinking like, no, everyone has a story.



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    Why is mine any different?



    00:03:49.782 --> 00:03:53.882


    But then I started hearing that same thing from other people.



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    And I went back to him and he's like, you should write a book.



    00:03:57.762 --> 00:04:03.762


    And I was like, no, no, I'm not a writer. And so I denied it for a long time.



    00:04:03.902 --> 00:04:10.402


    But when I recognized that my story was powerful and real, it wasn't actually



    00:04:10.402 --> 00:04:12.062


    until I started writing it.



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    And that's when I really started to see the depth of my personal story.



    00:04:17.522 --> 00:04:21.042


    I knew my story was different and unique throughout my life,



    00:04:21.142 --> 00:04:28.262


    but the depth and the purpose didn't come until I started writing some of those emotions down.



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    Yeah. Wow, wow, wow. That's interesting. So with that said, take me back to



    00:04:36.069 --> 00:04:40.389


    childhood because I know that's kind of when the whole story begins.



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    And I would love for you to just take me back to those days and paint that picture



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    for me of what childhood was like for you.



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    You know, I had the blonde, greasy hair and dirt-stained feet and ripped jeans.



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    So I remember specifically, my favorite sweater was a baby blue unicorn sweater,



    00:05:05.429 --> 00:05:07.329


    and the unicorn was in sequence.



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    So it was, you know, that was my outfit that I just never took off as a five-year-old



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    little girl. But I can say that my first memory is going through the trailer park that we lived in.



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    And what I didn't understand is that we were being locked in the trailer and



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    that all of our actions and anything that we did were being recorded and we



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    were being followed when we would leave the trailer.



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    So at the time, I didn't understand that.



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    But what I did clearly understand was the amount of fear and trauma and sexual



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    abuse that was happening by my father.



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    So there's a specific memory that I that I had where he was. I was in the kitchen.



    00:06:04.709 --> 00:06:10.689


    I had my little bare feet on the linoleum tile, you know, the linoleum ground.



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    And I remember looking up and seeing this giant, like, black, like, pot that.



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    And he was in the kitchen hovering over, making some sort of what I thought at the time was food.



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    But what I found out later was that he was kind of creating a spell.



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    My biological father was the leader of a satanic cult.



    00:06:37.306 --> 00:06:40.206


    Although as a child, I didn't fully comprehend that.



    00:06:40.366 --> 00:06:45.246


    There were a lot of things like that moment that definitely made it very real



    00:06:45.246 --> 00:06:51.366


    for me. And so that night he was preparing a spell because he was planning to



    00:06:51.366 --> 00:06:55.326


    sacrifice my sister and I to the cult.



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    And what that means is that it could be a sexual sacrifice.



    00:07:00.446 --> 00:07:04.686


    It could have been, at that time, sex trafficking was not a term,



    00:07:04.886 --> 00:07:07.186


    but it could have been something like that.



    00:07:07.186 --> 00:07:15.306


    And the morning before he was able to follow through on his plans was when my



    00:07:15.306 --> 00:07:22.386


    mom was able to get my sister and I out and my grandparents came and picked us up.



    00:07:22.466 --> 00:07:29.286


    We had to go to a public place so we couldn't be running away and then going and hiding.



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    We had to be in a public place so that everyone could see if anything did happen



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    and my grandparents picked us up that day And by the next morning,



    00:07:39.466 --> 00:07:44.426


    Child Protective Services came and just ripped me out of my mom's arms.



    00:07:45.303 --> 00:07:51.683


    So my mom had to earn her rights back as a parent because of the sexual abuse



    00:07:51.683 --> 00:07:56.023


    and the, you know, the obviously the dangerous situations that we were in.



    00:07:56.383 --> 00:08:02.383


    So she had to earn her rights back while my sister and I were put into witness protection.



    00:08:03.423 --> 00:08:07.923


    Wow. Now, so your mom was not part of the cult?



    00:08:08.123 --> 00:08:13.403


    No, my mom was, it was a time where, you know, in the 80s where a lot of these



    00:08:13.403 --> 00:08:16.643


    things weren't talked about. out. There wasn't a lot of education about it.



    00:08:16.743 --> 00:08:19.783


    And so she wasn't very familiar with what was happening.



    00:08:20.083 --> 00:08:23.663


    And at a certain point, she said that she was brainwashed.



    00:08:24.303 --> 00:08:28.463


    There's so much manipulation, so much gaslighting.



    00:08:28.483 --> 00:08:32.523


    It was almost like she couldn't tell the reality from fiction



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    because some of these things that she saw or that she was exposed to were just



    00:08:39.623 --> 00:08:45.443


    so frightening that she went into her own safety mode of protecting herself



    00:08:45.443 --> 00:08:48.563


    and not knowing how to get out.



    00:08:49.263 --> 00:08:55.543


    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Now, what made her finally decide, I have to leave?



    00:08:55.623 --> 00:08:58.143


    Was it because of she knew what was about to happen?



    00:08:58.383 --> 00:09:06.043


    I think she had been trying to leave for a long time once she started to see the patterns.



    00:09:06.223 --> 00:09:10.703


    And And for instance, she would find me hiding in the closet when she would



    00:09:10.703 --> 00:09:13.623


    get home from the grocery store and I would be,



    00:09:13.623 --> 00:09:21.663


    you know, terrified and she'd have to kind of get me back into a state of, you know, calm because,



    00:09:21.743 --> 00:09:25.783


    you know, at that point she didn't understand or know what was happening, but my...



    00:09:26.335 --> 00:09:32.715


    When she was gone, my father was performing sexual acts and forcing me to perform



    00:09:32.715 --> 00:09:34.135


    those sexual acts as well.



    00:09:34.615 --> 00:09:41.135


    So she knew something was happening, but she didn't fully grasp the amount of



    00:09:41.135 --> 00:09:43.455


    trauma that we were experiencing.



    00:09:44.075 --> 00:09:49.355


    And so she was trying to get out and couldn't because there was people following



    00:09:49.355 --> 00:09:50.515


    her everywhere she went.



    00:09:50.855 --> 00:09:55.255


    There was tape recorders throughout the entire house. And what happened is that



    00:09:55.255 --> 00:10:00.795


    one of the other cult members that was responsible for watching over us that morning,



    00:10:01.015 --> 00:10:07.735


    he was the one that was able to facilitate and help get us out between that time period.



    00:10:08.515 --> 00:10:15.195


    Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Remind me how old you were at this time? I was five years old.



    00:10:15.415 --> 00:10:17.515


    It was almost my sixth birthday.



    00:10:18.115 --> 00:10:25.095


    My gosh. From there, I was I went through nine different foster homes.



    00:10:25.215 --> 00:10:31.715


    I lived with a family member that was, you know, she really believed in cruel



    00:10:31.715 --> 00:10:36.675


    and unusual punishment and didn't know how to handle me.



    00:10:36.675 --> 00:10:42.475


    Because at this point, I disassociated from reality.



    00:10:42.875 --> 00:10:50.215


    I acted out. You know, I didn't have a lot of the skills that a child at that age should have.



    00:10:50.975 --> 00:10:58.895


    Which would also make her very frustrated. And I also would separate myself from punishment.



    00:10:58.975 --> 00:11:04.855


    So because I'd endured so much pain at such a young age, I started to really



    00:11:04.855 --> 00:11:07.015


    separate myself from reality.



    00:11:07.155 --> 00:11:09.775


    And so it wouldn't phase me.



    00:11:10.035 --> 00:11:17.975


    And so it became something thing where she tried multiple different things that



    00:11:17.975 --> 00:11:24.555


    eventually impacted my psyche, impacted my level of confidence,



    00:11:24.875 --> 00:11:27.955


    and it fueled my insecurity.



    00:11:28.575 --> 00:11:34.855


    So one of the scenarios that had happened when I was living with this particular



    00:11:34.855 --> 00:11:39.495


    family member was I remember at this point, I am about eight years old.



    00:11:39.635 --> 00:11:42.815


    So I'd been in and out of foster homes through this entire period.



    00:11:42.875 --> 00:11:45.415


    And I was getting into the shower.



    00:11:45.855 --> 00:11:51.675


    And as an eight-year-old, you're taking your shirt off and it sticks to your



    00:11:51.675 --> 00:11:53.995


    head. So it becomes like a hat, your shirt does.



    00:11:54.675 --> 00:12:01.815


    And basically, I'd taken my underwear off, but they were still around my ankles.



    00:12:02.195 --> 00:12:09.115


    So I'm dancing as a little eight-year-old girl with with the shower running in the mirror.



    00:12:09.555 --> 00:12:16.775


    And I decided to do mouthwash commercials because I thought that I was destined to be an actress.



    00:12:17.035 --> 00:12:21.955


    And so I'm doing these little mouthwash commercials and making funny faces.



    00:12:22.075 --> 00:12:30.055


    And I hear the footsteps coming down the hallway and she burst open the door. And this is my aunt.



    00:12:30.515 --> 00:12:36.015


    She burst open the door and she says, what are you doing? and I quickly hid



    00:12:36.015 --> 00:12:39.015


    the mouthwash bottle behind my back.



    00:12:39.830 --> 00:12:43.190


    Because I knew I'd been in trouble. I'd probably been in there way longer than



    00:12:43.190 --> 00:12:45.490


    I should have. And I hadn't even gotten in the shower yet.



    00:12:45.630 --> 00:12:49.070


    I forgot that there's a giant mirror in front of me.



    00:12:49.210 --> 00:12:53.270


    So having the mouthwash behind my back was probably not the best hiding place.



    00:12:53.570 --> 00:12:59.550


    And I said nothing. And she said, you know, obviously she was yelling.



    00:12:59.570 --> 00:13:02.050


    She was angry that I hadn't gotten to the shower.



    00:13:02.310 --> 00:13:07.810


    And she pulled me by my arm and she pulled me into down the hallway into the



    00:13:07.810 --> 00:13:13.150


    front room where there was this bay window that overlooked the street.



    00:13:13.770 --> 00:13:15.970


    And she made me stand in front of



    00:13:15.970 --> 00:13:20.790


    the bay window with my panties around my ankles and my shirt on my head.



    00:13:21.110 --> 00:13:27.290


    And at that particular time, my cousin who was a teenager, him and his friends



    00:13:27.290 --> 00:13:29.050


    were moving things in and out of the house.



    00:13:29.290 --> 00:13:35.070


    And so I was humiliated standing there as a little eight-year-old girl with



    00:13:35.070 --> 00:13:38.370


    my shirt on my head and my panties around my ankles.



    00:13:38.670 --> 00:13:42.790


    The very place that you were placed to keep you safe.



    00:13:43.090 --> 00:13:48.430


    And yet you were just put right back into another horrible situation.



    00:13:49.330 --> 00:13:54.190


    Yes. And, you know, the foster system tries to place you with family members



    00:13:54.190 --> 00:13:58.910


    or with foster providers that that are going to be good for you.



    00:13:58.990 --> 00:14:02.870


    But you have to remember that there's so many children in foster care,



    00:14:03.050 --> 00:14:05.410


    and there's so little resources.



    00:14:05.690 --> 00:14:11.230


    Yes. And so things like, and at that time, I couldn't articulate what was happening.



    00:14:11.430 --> 00:14:15.310


    So, and most children at that age really can't.



    00:14:15.890 --> 00:14:17.410


    But that was just a defining moment



    00:14:17.410 --> 00:14:22.490


    that really impacted my self-esteem throughout my life, which then...



    00:14:23.167 --> 00:14:27.247


    You know, when I did actually, when my mother finally earned her rights back



    00:14:27.247 --> 00:14:30.367


    as a parent was when I was 10 years old.



    00:14:30.787 --> 00:14:38.527


    And by that point, yes, I was elated and excited to be with my mother because



    00:14:38.527 --> 00:14:42.247


    I had prayed every night that I would be with her again.



    00:14:42.687 --> 00:14:48.487


    However, on the other side of that, I had just so much damage that I had to



    00:14:48.487 --> 00:14:53.707


    work through. And so it was constant counseling sessions and things like that.



    00:14:53.847 --> 00:15:01.127


    But by the time I was 16, I ran away and I lived on the streets.



    00:15:01.327 --> 00:15:07.227


    And so even though my mother worked so hard to get me back, I just had this



    00:15:07.227 --> 00:15:12.347


    level of independence. independence and it was like trying to find my own identity



    00:15:12.347 --> 00:15:15.687


    based on some of the things that I experienced.



    00:15:15.867 --> 00:15:20.907


    And then my choice to live on the streets and go through that was,



    00:15:21.067 --> 00:15:25.407


    you know, a whole different chapter in my, not only in my book,



    00:15:25.467 --> 00:15:31.767


    but in my life that opened up, you know, other doors that created more trauma.



    00:15:32.247 --> 00:15:34.327


    So I struggled with addiction.



    00:15:34.947 --> 00:15:42.007


    You know, I was raped by two different I was in fights on the streets with men



    00:15:42.007 --> 00:15:44.767


    fighting for my own protection.



    00:15:45.127 --> 00:15:56.227


    And so that definitely led to some even more horrific experiences that I faced as a teenager as well.



    00:15:57.061 --> 00:16:03.241


    I want to back up a little bit to younger, and I have two questions.



    00:16:03.401 --> 00:16:09.821


    My first question is, talk to me about the difference between a kid being in



    00:16:09.821 --> 00:16:16.121


    the foster care and you being in foster care, but also in witness protection.



    00:16:16.661 --> 00:16:19.841


    I mean, what does that mean?



    00:16:19.841 --> 00:16:29.021


    So what that means is that no one is able to get the location for the child



    00:16:29.021 --> 00:16:29.721


    and witness protection.



    00:16:29.721 --> 00:16:35.721


    So for my personal situation, if a family member was trying to find where we



    00:16:35.721 --> 00:16:40.381


    were because they were concerned or, you know, whatever it was,



    00:16:40.501 --> 00:16:47.161


    the moment that they found which foster provider, you know, we were with,



    00:16:47.401 --> 00:16:50.161


    we would have to be moved in the middle of the night.



    00:16:50.161 --> 00:16:56.641


    So not even a family member that was a good family member, grandfather,



    00:16:56.961 --> 00:16:58.881


    grandmother, it didn't matter.



    00:16:59.141 --> 00:17:03.321


    If anyone found out where we were, we would be moved immediately.



    00:17:03.581 --> 00:17:09.221


    My sister and I were separated on multiple occasions because the foster providers



    00:17:09.221 --> 00:17:11.781


    just didn't have enough space for both of us.



    00:17:12.061 --> 00:17:17.181


    So yeah, it's an interesting experience. There was not like a name change or



    00:17:17.181 --> 00:17:20.141


    anything like that. I think we were too young at that time.



    00:17:20.541 --> 00:17:26.181


    But it was constant moving into new places in the middle of the night,



    00:17:26.281 --> 00:17:31.041


    into unfamiliar places that you've never been before with different cultures.



    00:17:31.421 --> 00:17:35.581


    There was an Asian family that didn't speak English at one point.



    00:17:35.581 --> 00:17:40.101


    And I remember it was like a six-year-old little girl.



    00:17:40.201 --> 00:17:42.661


    I'm trying to communicate and I



    00:17:42.661 --> 00:17:48.881


    don't understand why they can't clearly articulate what they're asking me.



    00:17:48.921 --> 00:17:53.041


    I don't know what language they're speaking because as a child,



    00:17:53.161 --> 00:17:55.201


    you don't comprehend those things.



    00:17:56.035 --> 00:18:01.995


    And I just remember for that particular family, I wouldn't eat anything because



    00:18:01.995 --> 00:18:03.835


    I wasn't familiar with their food.



    00:18:04.255 --> 00:18:08.715


    So they would have me peel potatoes and I would peel potatoes.



    00:18:08.755 --> 00:18:14.615


    And then the the man, you know, the husband and wife, the man would would cut



    00:18:14.615 --> 00:18:18.635


    the potatoes and make me French fries for breakfast, lunch and dinner because



    00:18:18.635 --> 00:18:20.315


    that was the only thing I would eat.



    00:18:21.475 --> 00:18:30.195


    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Very wild. Wow. Now, all this time, were you also going to school?



    00:18:30.835 --> 00:18:35.915


    Yes. So that that is another interesting thing is that you you're enrolled in



    00:18:35.915 --> 00:18:36.895


    all these different schools.



    00:18:37.115 --> 00:18:42.435


    But at six years old, you're so young that you go into the kindergarten or the child care.



    00:18:42.635 --> 00:18:49.475


    And so it wasn't until I was placed with a family member that I was really going



    00:18:49.475 --> 00:18:53.835


    through the full elementary classes and had a teacher.



    00:18:53.835 --> 00:18:57.635


    Most of the other time, I was kind of being tossed around.



    00:18:57.855 --> 00:19:03.275


    I remember going to school, but I couldn't tell you a lot of memories around it.



    00:19:03.415 --> 00:19:08.515


    In fact, one of the things that I did as a child was I blocked out specific



    00:19:08.515 --> 00:19:12.195


    memories if they were too hard for me to process.



    00:19:13.155 --> 00:19:16.835


    So some of those memories didn't actually come back until I was much older.



    00:19:17.815 --> 00:19:24.515


    Wow. Well, when you finally got to reconvene with your mom, which you said,



    00:19:24.535 --> 00:19:25.975


    I believe you were 10 years old.



    00:19:26.415 --> 00:19:34.495


    Yes. Yeah. Why do you feel like you then six years later would run away?



    00:19:34.895 --> 00:19:40.775


    You know, I think that, well, let me let me go back because one of the foster



    00:19:40.775 --> 00:19:46.695


    homes that I was at when I was six years old, I ran away from the foster home.



    00:19:46.695 --> 00:19:53.475


    So I have to say that it was my coping mechanism was to run away.



    00:19:54.035 --> 00:20:00.195


    And which completely aligns with some of the patterns of my story.



    00:20:00.195 --> 00:20:05.495


    You know, we had to run away from, you know, my biological father.



    00:20:05.815 --> 00:20:12.595


    I ran away from, you know, one of the foster homes trying to find my mom at six years old.



    00:20:12.755 --> 00:20:19.815


    And then as a teenager, I ran away because I couldn't adapt to a lot of the



    00:20:19.815 --> 00:20:23.255


    restrictions or rules that I felt were unreasonable.



    00:20:23.255 --> 00:20:28.455


    But every teenage, you know, especially every teenage girl believes that,



    00:20:28.515 --> 00:20:29.935


    you know, they know everything.



    00:20:30.095 --> 00:20:33.895


    And so by that point, I was just too far gone.



    00:20:34.475 --> 00:20:36.195


    Hmm. Yeah.



    00:20:36.795 --> 00:20:40.215


    How long did you live homeless?



    00:20:41.075 --> 00:20:43.555


    I lived on the streets for about a year and a half.



    00:20:44.683 --> 00:20:50.623


    And so at first, it started with staying at friends' houses and kind of bouncing,



    00:20:50.783 --> 00:20:52.723


    you know, from one place to the next.



    00:20:52.943 --> 00:20:56.503


    But that quickly, it ran its course.



    00:20:56.863 --> 00:21:00.643


    And so there were some nights where I slept in abandoned houses.



    00:21:00.643 --> 00:21:06.783


    One night that I specifically write about in my book is I slept on the park



    00:21:06.783 --> 00:21:12.003


    bench across from the high school because I didn't have a place to go that night.



    00:21:12.303 --> 00:21:20.403


    And then I woke up in the morning on this little park bench with dew on my face



    00:21:20.403 --> 00:21:22.423


    because that's how cold it was.



    00:21:22.423 --> 00:21:30.043


    And as soon as I heard the, you know, the chain link fences opening on the campus,



    00:21:30.343 --> 00:21:36.943


    I snuck through and went into the girls locker room to shower and get ready



    00:21:36.943 --> 00:21:40.283


    because I still attended high school.



    00:21:40.283 --> 00:21:46.383


    I still wanted to make sure I seemed like or I pretended to have it all together.



    00:21:46.923 --> 00:21:52.643


    But even when everything was falling apart, I still pretended like I was strong



    00:21:52.643 --> 00:21:57.183


    and I had it all together and and that I could do this on my own.



    00:21:57.943 --> 00:22:03.603


    Yeah. Wow. What about your sister? Did she follow a similar path or no?



    00:22:03.603 --> 00:22:07.083


    No, we went in completely different paths.



    00:22:07.423 --> 00:22:14.083


    So my sister actually loved living with the family member that that I,



    00:22:14.123 --> 00:22:15.903


    you know, was mistreated with.



    00:22:16.063 --> 00:22:20.843


    And she ended up staying with her instead of going back with my mom.



    00:22:21.343 --> 00:22:28.123


    And it's also because my sister was 10 when we got taken away and I was five.



    00:22:28.283 --> 00:22:33.523


    So she saw a lot more and she had a lot more anger towards my mom.



    00:22:33.663 --> 00:22:40.363


    But on the flip side, she had more of a desire to follow a certain structure



    00:22:40.363 --> 00:22:47.903


    and kind of create, you know, safety. Whereas I, I really ran towards getting away.



    00:22:48.243 --> 00:22:54.223


    I was running away and she wanted to stay and find, you know, reprieve.



    00:22:54.903 --> 00:23:00.723


    Yeah. I mean, basically, you're basically your entire childhood was spent running.



    00:23:01.723 --> 00:23:03.383


    Yes. Either running or hiding.



    00:23:04.463 --> 00:23:08.903


    Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Back to where you kind of left off on on this,



    00:23:08.903 --> 00:23:13.643


    this journey of your life when you talked Talked about being on the streets,



    00:23:13.863 --> 00:23:15.323


    but still going to high school.



    00:23:16.182

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