What if your deepest trauma could be transformed into your greatest strength? Meet Serena Mastin, a woman who emerged from unimaginable adversity to become a beacon of resilience. Her story is one you won’t want to miss.

Who Is This For?

Many of us face overwhelming challenges that seem impossible to overcome. This episode explores how Serena turned her darkest moments into a source of unstoppable strength, providing insight and inspiration for anyone seeking to transform their own life.

What's It All About?

In this riveting episode, Serena Mastin shares her incredible journey from a traumatic childhood and tumultuous adulthood to finding empowerment and freedom. Despite enduring unimaginable abuse and betrayal, Serena's story of survival and strength will captivate and inspire you to find courage in your own life. Tune in to hear how she transformed her pain into power and learn valuable lessons on resilience and self-forgiveness.


Some Key Takeaways:

  • Transforming Trauma into Strength: Learn how Serena overcame severe abuse and betrayal to become a powerful, resilient woman.
  • The Power of Forgiveness: Discover the profound impact of forgiving others and yourself to heal and move forward.
  • Practical Steps for Leaving Toxic Situations: Serena shares her "PREPARE" acronym, a step-by-step guide for safely and effectively exiting harmful environments.


Don’t miss a single second of this powerful and inspiring story—listen now and start your own journey to transform your challenges into strengths!


Mentioned Links & Resources:



Today's Featured Guest:

Serena Mastin

Serena Mastin is a survivor, entrepreneur, and now author who has turned her traumatic past into a mission to inspire and empower others. Growing up in an abusive household and later facing multiple betrayals in her marriage, Serena found the strength to rebuild her life and launch a successful marketing agency. Her book, "Exposed: You Can't Heal When You Hide," details her journey and offers hope to those in similar situations. Serena’s story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of self-forgiveness.


BE IN THE KNOW!

CLICK HERE to Get on The OFFICIAL Email List for the Podcast!



Hey, it's Kevin!


I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!


  • Start Receiving my Weekly Midweek Pick-Me-Up! Every Wednesday get a boost of positivity in your email's inbox
  • I would LOVE to hear from you! Send me a Voice Message
  • Sign-Up to Receive My LinkedIn Newsletter

  • Show Notes

    What if your deepest trauma could be transformed into your greatest strength? Meet Serena Mastin, a woman who emerged from unimaginable adversity to become a beacon of resilience. Her story is one you won’t want to miss.

    Who Is This For?

    Many of us face overwhelming challenges that seem impossible to overcome. This episode explores how Serena turned her darkest moments into a source of unstoppable strength, providing insight and inspiration for anyone seeking to transform their own life.

    What's It All About?

    In this riveting episode, Serena Mastin shares her incredible journey from a traumatic childhood and tumultuous adulthood to finding empowerment and freedom. Despite enduring unimaginable abuse and betrayal, Serena's story of survival and strength will captivate and inspire you to find courage in your own life. Tune in to hear how she transformed her pain into power and learn valuable lessons on resilience and self-forgiveness.


    Some Key Takeaways:

    • Transforming Trauma into Strength: Learn how Serena overcame severe abuse and betrayal to become a powerful, resilient woman.
    • The Power of Forgiveness: Discover the profound impact of forgiving others and yourself to heal and move forward.
    • Practical Steps for Leaving Toxic Situations: Serena shares her "PREPARE" acronym, a step-by-step guide for safely and effectively exiting harmful environments.


    Don’t miss a single second of this powerful and inspiring story—listen now and start your own journey to transform your challenges into strengths!


    Mentioned Links & Resources:



    Today's Featured Guest:

    Serena Mastin

    Serena Mastin is a survivor, entrepreneur, and now author who has turned her traumatic past into a mission to inspire and empower others. Growing up in an abusive household and later facing multiple betrayals in her marriage, Serena found the strength to rebuild her life and launch a successful marketing agency. Her book, "Exposed: You Can't Heal When You Hide," details her journey and offers hope to those in similar situations. Serena’s story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of self-forgiveness.


    BE IN THE KNOW!

    CLICK HERE to Get on The OFFICIAL Email List for the Podcast!



    Hey, it's Kevin!


    I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!




    Stay Awesome! Live Inspired!

    © 2024 Grit, Grace, & Inspiration

    Show Transcript

    00:00:00.997 --> 00:00:06.317


    Like so many of the stories shared here on the podcast, we have yet another



    00:00:06.317 --> 00:00:12.177


    woman who's going to blow you away because, well, she figured out how to turn



    00:00:12.177 --> 00:00:15.157


    her deepest trauma into unstoppable strength.



    00:00:15.757 --> 00:00:21.737


    Despite a childhood that more resembled a real-life nightmare and suffering



    00:00:21.737 --> 00:00:26.917


    even more trauma in adulthood, Serena Mastin, in spite of it all,



    00:00:27.037 --> 00:00:29.817


    has emerged from the flames like a phoenix.



    00:00:30.017 --> 00:00:36.897


    Her story, it's sure to grip you, move you, and hopefully inspire you to gain



    00:00:36.897 --> 00:00:40.697


    your own courage to turn your own trauma into strength.



    00:00:41.317 --> 00:00:48.497


    You will not want to miss a single moment of this captivating interview with Serena Mastiff.



    00:00:48.697 --> 00:00:52.997


    My friend, I welcome you to What Is, episode 294.



    00:00:53.497 --> 00:00:57.577


    What's up, my friend, and welcome to Grit Graceland Inspiration.



    00:00:57.577 --> 00:00:59.457


    I am your host, Kevin Lowe.



    00:00:59.657 --> 00:01:05.517


    20 years ago, I awoke from a life-saving surgery only to find that I was left completely blind.



    00:01:05.757 --> 00:01:10.877


    And since that day, I've learned a lot about life, a lot about living, and a lot about myself.



    00:01:11.197 --> 00:01:14.977


    And here on this podcast, I want to share those insights with you.



    00:01:15.137 --> 00:01:18.697


    Because friend, if you are still searching for your purpose,



    00:01:18.917 --> 00:01:24.397


    still trying to understand why, or still left searching for that next right



    00:01:24.397 --> 00:01:28.937


    path to take, well, consider this to be your stepping stone to get you from



    00:01:28.937 --> 00:01:30.757


    where you are to where you want to be.



    00:01:31.377 --> 00:01:36.477


    All right, you gotta get real with me. I've been asking you if there's anything



    00:01:36.477 --> 00:01:39.437


    that here on the podcast we can help you pray for.



    00:01:39.737 --> 00:01:44.777


    We've been doing prayer requests and I would love to be able to help you in



    00:01:44.777 --> 00:01:47.117


    praying for something weighing heavy on your heart.



    00:01:47.417 --> 00:01:51.117


    Now, here's the problem. is this only works with participation.



    00:01:51.737 --> 00:01:58.917


    And I mean, I guess my hope is, is that you don't have anything you need help and praying for.



    00:01:58.977 --> 00:02:02.377


    That everything in life is just absolutely beautiful.



    00:02:03.437 --> 00:02:09.837


    But unless you're not living in this world, chances are you're probably struggling with something.



    00:02:09.997 --> 00:02:15.837


    You're worried about something or there's somebody in your life who is hurting.



    00:02:15.837 --> 00:02:22.257


    That is exactly what this is here for, is I have a platform reaching people



    00:02:22.257 --> 00:02:24.457


    all over the entire globe.



    00:02:24.717 --> 00:02:31.097


    And if we can be joined together, all praying for one thing each week,



    00:02:31.277 --> 00:02:34.337


    I feel like that can make a positive impact in the world.



    00:02:34.577 --> 00:02:44.697


    If you have a prayer request, please send to me via text message to 877-749-8178.



    00:02:45.302 --> 00:02:53.462


    Again, send your prayer request to me via text message to 877-749-8178.



    00:02:53.742 --> 00:02:58.662


    As always, your prayer request can be kept anonymous. That is totally up to you.



    00:02:58.882 --> 00:03:05.822


    I am just here to get your prayer request heard by more people who can lift it up in prayer.



    00:03:06.182 --> 00:03:11.002


    So again, send that prayer request in and it can be featured on a future episode



    00:03:11.002 --> 00:03:15.462


    of the podcast. Until then, I hope you enjoy today's episode.



    00:03:16.742 --> 00:03:23.462


    I would say the turning point in my life where I felt that my story was something



    00:03:23.462 --> 00:03:29.782


    that people needed to hear was really probably in my 30s.



    00:03:29.802 --> 00:03:35.702


    I had a mentor, and he's actually still my mentor, and he told me,



    00:03:35.742 --> 00:03:40.542


    he said, your story is so powerful, you need to share it.



    00:03:40.542 --> 00:03:47.082


    And I kind of brushed it off thinking like, no, everyone has a story.



    00:03:47.262 --> 00:03:49.302


    Why is mine any different?



    00:03:49.782 --> 00:03:53.882


    But then I started hearing that same thing from other people.



    00:03:54.182 --> 00:03:57.642


    And I went back to him and he's like, you should write a book.



    00:03:57.762 --> 00:04:03.762


    And I was like, no, no, I'm not a writer. And so I denied it for a long time.



    00:04:03.902 --> 00:04:10.402


    But when I recognized that my story was powerful and real, it wasn't actually



    00:04:10.402 --> 00:04:12.062


    until I started writing it.



    00:04:12.162 --> 00:04:17.342


    And that's when I really started to see the depth of my personal story.



    00:04:17.522 --> 00:04:21.042


    I knew my story was different and unique throughout my life,



    00:04:21.142 --> 00:04:28.262


    but the depth and the purpose didn't come until I started writing some of those emotions down.



    00:04:29.089 --> 00:04:36.069


    Yeah. Wow, wow, wow. That's interesting. So with that said, take me back to



    00:04:36.069 --> 00:04:40.389


    childhood because I know that's kind of when the whole story begins.



    00:04:40.549 --> 00:04:45.669


    And I would love for you to just take me back to those days and paint that picture



    00:04:45.669 --> 00:04:48.589


    for me of what childhood was like for you.



    00:04:48.589 --> 00:04:57.109


    You know, I had the blonde, greasy hair and dirt-stained feet and ripped jeans.



    00:04:58.449 --> 00:05:05.229


    So I remember specifically, my favorite sweater was a baby blue unicorn sweater,



    00:05:05.429 --> 00:05:07.329


    and the unicorn was in sequence.



    00:05:08.269 --> 00:05:15.049


    So it was, you know, that was my outfit that I just never took off as a five-year-old



    00:05:15.049 --> 00:05:23.229


    little girl. But I can say that my first memory is going through the trailer park that we lived in.



    00:05:24.089 --> 00:05:30.289


    And what I didn't understand is that we were being locked in the trailer and



    00:05:30.289 --> 00:05:37.049


    that all of our actions and anything that we did were being recorded and we



    00:05:37.049 --> 00:05:40.229


    were being followed when we would leave the trailer.



    00:05:40.509 --> 00:05:44.089


    So at the time, I didn't understand that.



    00:05:44.089 --> 00:05:53.469


    But what I did clearly understand was the amount of fear and trauma and sexual



    00:05:53.469 --> 00:05:56.569


    abuse that was happening by my father.



    00:05:56.849 --> 00:06:04.529


    So there's a specific memory that I that I had where he was. I was in the kitchen.



    00:06:04.709 --> 00:06:10.689


    I had my little bare feet on the linoleum tile, you know, the linoleum ground.



    00:06:10.689 --> 00:06:18.449


    And I remember looking up and seeing this giant, like, black, like, pot that.



    00:06:18.926 --> 00:06:28.006


    And he was in the kitchen hovering over, making some sort of what I thought at the time was food.



    00:06:28.406 --> 00:06:32.746


    But what I found out later was that he was kind of creating a spell.



    00:06:33.166 --> 00:06:37.006


    My biological father was the leader of a satanic cult.



    00:06:37.306 --> 00:06:40.206


    Although as a child, I didn't fully comprehend that.



    00:06:40.366 --> 00:06:45.246


    There were a lot of things like that moment that definitely made it very real



    00:06:45.246 --> 00:06:51.366


    for me. And so that night he was preparing a spell because he was planning to



    00:06:51.366 --> 00:06:55.326


    sacrifice my sister and I to the cult.



    00:06:55.566 --> 00:07:00.366


    And what that means is that it could be a sexual sacrifice.



    00:07:00.446 --> 00:07:04.686


    It could have been, at that time, sex trafficking was not a term,



    00:07:04.886 --> 00:07:07.186


    but it could have been something like that.



    00:07:07.186 --> 00:07:15.306


    And the morning before he was able to follow through on his plans was when my



    00:07:15.306 --> 00:07:22.386


    mom was able to get my sister and I out and my grandparents came and picked us up.



    00:07:22.466 --> 00:07:29.286


    We had to go to a public place so we couldn't be running away and then going and hiding.



    00:07:29.366 --> 00:07:33.466


    We had to be in a public place so that everyone could see if anything did happen



    00:07:33.466 --> 00:07:39.166


    and my grandparents picked us up that day And by the next morning,



    00:07:39.466 --> 00:07:44.426


    Child Protective Services came and just ripped me out of my mom's arms.



    00:07:45.303 --> 00:07:51.683


    So my mom had to earn her rights back as a parent because of the sexual abuse



    00:07:51.683 --> 00:07:56.023


    and the, you know, the obviously the dangerous situations that we were in.



    00:07:56.383 --> 00:08:02.383


    So she had to earn her rights back while my sister and I were put into witness protection.



    00:08:03.423 --> 00:08:07.923


    Wow. Now, so your mom was not part of the cult?



    00:08:08.123 --> 00:08:13.403


    No, my mom was, it was a time where, you know, in the 80s where a lot of these



    00:08:13.403 --> 00:08:16.643


    things weren't talked about. out. There wasn't a lot of education about it.



    00:08:16.743 --> 00:08:19.783


    And so she wasn't very familiar with what was happening.



    00:08:20.083 --> 00:08:23.663


    And at a certain point, she said that she was brainwashed.



    00:08:24.303 --> 00:08:28.463


    There's so much manipulation, so much gaslighting.



    00:08:28.483 --> 00:08:32.523


    It was almost like she couldn't tell the reality from fiction



    00:08:32.523 --> 00:08:39.623


    because some of these things that she saw or that she was exposed to were just



    00:08:39.623 --> 00:08:45.443


    so frightening that she went into her own safety mode of protecting herself



    00:08:45.443 --> 00:08:48.563


    and not knowing how to get out.



    00:08:49.263 --> 00:08:55.543


    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Now, what made her finally decide, I have to leave?



    00:08:55.623 --> 00:08:58.143


    Was it because of she knew what was about to happen?



    00:08:58.383 --> 00:09:06.043


    I think she had been trying to leave for a long time once she started to see the patterns.



    00:09:06.223 --> 00:09:10.703


    And And for instance, she would find me hiding in the closet when she would



    00:09:10.703 --> 00:09:13.623


    get home from the grocery store and I would be,



    00:09:13.623 --> 00:09:21.663


    you know, terrified and she'd have to kind of get me back into a state of, you know, calm because,



    00:09:21.743 --> 00:09:25.783


    you know, at that point she didn't understand or know what was happening, but my...



    00:09:26.335 --> 00:09:32.715


    When she was gone, my father was performing sexual acts and forcing me to perform



    00:09:32.715 --> 00:09:34.135


    those sexual acts as well.



    00:09:34.615 --> 00:09:41.135


    So she knew something was happening, but she didn't fully grasp the amount of



    00:09:41.135 --> 00:09:43.455


    trauma that we were experiencing.



    00:09:44.075 --> 00:09:49.355


    And so she was trying to get out and couldn't because there was people following



    00:09:49.355 --> 00:09:50.515


    her everywhere she went.



    00:09:50.855 --> 00:09:55.255


    There was tape recorders throughout the entire house. And what happened is that



    00:09:55.255 --> 00:10:00.795


    one of the other cult members that was responsible for watching over us that morning,



    00:10:01.015 --> 00:10:07.735


    he was the one that was able to facilitate and help get us out between that time period.



    00:10:08.515 --> 00:10:15.195


    Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Remind me how old you were at this time? I was five years old.



    00:10:15.415 --> 00:10:17.515


    It was almost my sixth birthday.



    00:10:18.115 --> 00:10:25.095


    My gosh. From there, I was I went through nine different foster homes.



    00:10:25.215 --> 00:10:31.715


    I lived with a family member that was, you know, she really believed in cruel



    00:10:31.715 --> 00:10:36.675


    and unusual punishment and didn't know how to handle me.



    00:10:36.675 --> 00:10:42.475


    Because at this point, I disassociated from reality.



    00:10:42.875 --> 00:10:50.215


    I acted out. You know, I didn't have a lot of the skills that a child at that age should have.



    00:10:50.975 --> 00:10:58.895


    Which would also make her very frustrated. And I also would separate myself from punishment.



    00:10:58.975 --> 00:11:04.855


    So because I'd endured so much pain at such a young age, I started to really



    00:11:04.855 --> 00:11:07.015


    separate myself from reality.



    00:11:07.155 --> 00:11:09.775


    And so it wouldn't phase me.



    00:11:10.035 --> 00:11:17.975


    And so it became something thing where she tried multiple different things that



    00:11:17.975 --> 00:11:24.555


    eventually impacted my psyche, impacted my level of confidence,



    00:11:24.875 --> 00:11:27.955


    and it fueled my insecurity.



    00:11:28.575 --> 00:11:34.855


    So one of the scenarios that had happened when I was living with this particular



    00:11:34.855 --> 00:11:39.495


    family member was I remember at this point, I am about eight years old.



    00:11:39.635 --> 00:11:42.815


    So I'd been in and out of foster homes through this entire period.



    00:11:42.875 --> 00:11:45.415


    And I was getting into the shower.



    00:11:45.855 --> 00:11:51.675


    And as an eight-year-old, you're taking your shirt off and it sticks to your



    00:11:51.675 --> 00:11:53.995


    head. So it becomes like a hat, your shirt does.



    00:11:54.675 --> 00:12:01.815


    And basically, I'd taken my underwear off, but they were still around my ankles.



    00:12:02.195 --> 00:12:09.115


    So I'm dancing as a little eight-year-old girl with with the shower running in the mirror.



    00:12:09.555 --> 00:12:16.775


    And I decided to do mouthwash commercials because I thought that I was destined to be an actress.



    00:12:17.035 --> 00:12:21.955


    And so I'm doing these little mouthwash commercials and making funny faces.



    00:12:22.075 --> 00:12:30.055


    And I hear the footsteps coming down the hallway and she burst open the door. And this is my aunt.



    00:12:30.515 --> 00:12:36.015


    She burst open the door and she says, what are you doing? and I quickly hid



    00:12:36.015 --> 00:12:39.015


    the mouthwash bottle behind my back.



    00:12:39.830 --> 00:12:43.190


    Because I knew I'd been in trouble. I'd probably been in there way longer than



    00:12:43.190 --> 00:12:45.490


    I should have. And I hadn't even gotten in the shower yet.



    00:12:45.630 --> 00:12:49.070


    I forgot that there's a giant mirror in front of me.



    00:12:49.210 --> 00:12:53.270


    So having the mouthwash behind my back was probably not the best hiding place.



    00:12:53.570 --> 00:12:59.550


    And I said nothing. And she said, you know, obviously she was yelling.



    00:12:59.570 --> 00:13:02.050


    She was angry that I hadn't gotten to the shower.



    00:13:02.310 --> 00:13:07.810


    And she pulled me by my arm and she pulled me into down the hallway into the



    00:13:07.810 --> 00:13:13.150


    front room where there was this bay window that overlooked the street.



    00:13:13.770 --> 00:13:15.970


    And she made me stand in front of



    00:13:15.970 --> 00:13:20.790


    the bay window with my panties around my ankles and my shirt on my head.



    00:13:21.110 --> 00:13:27.290


    And at that particular time, my cousin who was a teenager, him and his friends



    00:13:27.290 --> 00:13:29.050


    were moving things in and out of the house.



    00:13:29.290 --> 00:13:35.070


    And so I was humiliated standing there as a little eight-year-old girl with



    00:13:35.070 --> 00:13:38.370


    my shirt on my head and my panties around my ankles.



    00:13:38.670 --> 00:13:42.790


    The very place that you were placed to keep you safe.



    00:13:43.090 --> 00:13:48.430


    And yet you were just put right back into another horrible situation.



    00:13:49.330 --> 00:13:54.190


    Yes. And, you know, the foster system tries to place you with family members



    00:13:54.190 --> 00:13:58.910


    or with foster providers that that are going to be good for you.



    00:13:58.990 --> 00:14:02.870


    But you have to remember that there's so many children in foster care,



    00:14:03.050 --> 00:14:05.410


    and there's so little resources.



    00:14:05.690 --> 00:14:11.230


    Yes. And so things like, and at that time, I couldn't articulate what was happening.



    00:14:11.430 --> 00:14:15.310


    So, and most children at that age really can't.



    00:14:15.890 --> 00:14:17.410


    But that was just a defining moment



    00:14:17.410 --> 00:14:22.490


    that really impacted my self-esteem throughout my life, which then...



    00:14:23.167 --> 00:14:27.247


    You know, when I did actually, when my mother finally earned her rights back



    00:14:27.247 --> 00:14:30.367


    as a parent was when I was 10 years old.



    00:14:30.787 --> 00:14:38.527


    And by that point, yes, I was elated and excited to be with my mother because



    00:14:38.527 --> 00:14:42.247


    I had prayed every night that I would be with her again.



    00:14:42.687 --> 00:14:48.487


    However, on the other side of that, I had just so much damage that I had to



    00:14:48.487 --> 00:14:53.707


    work through. And so it was constant counseling sessions and things like that.



    00:14:53.847 --> 00:15:01.127


    But by the time I was 16, I ran away and I lived on the streets.



    00:15:01.327 --> 00:15:07.227


    And so even though my mother worked so hard to get me back, I just had this



    00:15:07.227 --> 00:15:12.347


    level of independence. independence and it was like trying to find my own identity



    00:15:12.347 --> 00:15:15.687


    based on some of the things that I experienced.



    00:15:15.867 --> 00:15:20.907


    And then my choice to live on the streets and go through that was,



    00:15:21.067 --> 00:15:25.407


    you know, a whole different chapter in my, not only in my book,



    00:15:25.467 --> 00:15:31.767


    but in my life that opened up, you know, other doors that created more trauma.



    00:15:32.247 --> 00:15:34.327


    So I struggled with addiction.



    00:15:34.947 --> 00:15:42.007


    You know, I was raped by two different I was in fights on the streets with men



    00:15:42.007 --> 00:15:44.767


    fighting for my own protection.



    00:15:45.127 --> 00:15:56.227


    And so that definitely led to some even more horrific experiences that I faced as a teenager as well.



    00:15:57.061 --> 00:16:03.241


    I want to back up a little bit to younger, and I have two questions.



    00:16:03.401 --> 00:16:09.821


    My first question is, talk to me about the difference between a kid being in



    00:16:09.821 --> 00:16:16.121


    the foster care and you being in foster care, but also in witness protection.



    00:16:16.661 --> 00:16:19.841


    I mean, what does that mean?



    00:16:19.841 --> 00:16:29.021


    So what that means is that no one is able to get the location for the child



    00:16:29.021 --> 00:16:29.721


    and witness protection.



    00:16:29.721 --> 00:16:35.721


    So for my personal situation, if a family member was trying to find where we



    00:16:35.721 --> 00:16:40.381


    were because they were concerned or, you know, whatever it was,



    00:16:40.501 --> 00:16:47.161


    the moment that they found which foster provider, you know, we were with,



    00:16:47.401 --> 00:16:50.161


    we would have to be moved in the middle of the night.



    00:16:50.161 --> 00:16:56.641


    So not even a family member that was a good family member, grandfather,



    00:16:56.961 --> 00:16:58.881


    grandmother, it didn't matter.



    00:16:59.141 --> 00:17:03.321


    If anyone found out where we were, we would be moved immediately.



    00:17:03.581 --> 00:17:09.221


    My sister and I were separated on multiple occasions because the foster providers



    00:17:09.221 --> 00:17:11.781


    just didn't have enough space for both of us.



    00:17:12.061 --> 00:17:17.181


    So yeah, it's an interesting experience. There was not like a name change or



    00:17:17.181 --> 00:17:20.141


    anything like that. I think we were too young at that time.



    00:17:20.541 --> 00:17:26.181


    But it was constant moving into new places in the middle of the night,



    00:17:26.281 --> 00:17:31.041


    into unfamiliar places that you've never been before with different cultures.



    00:17:31.421 --> 00:17:35.581


    There was an Asian family that didn't speak English at one point.



    00:17:35.581 --> 00:17:40.101


    And I remember it was like a six-year-old little girl.



    00:17:40.201 --> 00:17:42.661


    I'm trying to communicate and I



    00:17:42.661 --> 00:17:48.881


    don't understand why they can't clearly articulate what they're asking me.



    00:17:48.921 --> 00:17:53.041


    I don't know what language they're speaking because as a child,



    00:17:53.161 --> 00:17:55.201


    you don't comprehend those things.



    00:17:56.035 --> 00:18:01.995


    And I just remember for that particular family, I wouldn't eat anything because



    00:18:01.995 --> 00:18:03.835


    I wasn't familiar with their food.



    00:18:04.255 --> 00:18:08.715


    So they would have me peel potatoes and I would peel potatoes.



    00:18:08.755 --> 00:18:14.615


    And then the the man, you know, the husband and wife, the man would would cut



    00:18:14.615 --> 00:18:18.635


    the potatoes and make me French fries for breakfast, lunch and dinner because



    00:18:18.635 --> 00:18:20.315


    that was the only thing I would eat.



    00:18:21.475 --> 00:18:30.195


    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Very wild. Wow. Now, all this time, were you also going to school?



    00:18:30.835 --> 00:18:35.915


    Yes. So that that is another interesting thing is that you you're enrolled in



    00:18:35.915 --> 00:18:36.895


    all these different schools.



    00:18:37.115 --> 00:18:42.435


    But at six years old, you're so young that you go into the kindergarten or the child care.



    00:18:42.635 --> 00:18:49.475


    And so it wasn't until I was placed with a family member that I was really going



    00:18:49.475 --> 00:18:53.835


    through the full elementary classes and had a teacher.



    00:18:53.835 --> 00:18:57.635


    Most of the other time, I was kind of being tossed around.



    00:18:57.855 --> 00:19:03.275


    I remember going to school, but I couldn't tell you a lot of memories around it.



    00:19:03.415 --> 00:19:08.515


    In fact, one of the things that I did as a child was I blocked out specific



    00:19:08.515 --> 00:19:12.195


    memories if they were too hard for me to process.



    00:19:13.155 --> 00:19:16.835


    So some of those memories didn't actually come back until I was much older.



    00:19:17.815 --> 00:19:24.515


    Wow. Well, when you finally got to reconvene with your mom, which you said,



    00:19:24.535 --> 00:19:25.975


    I believe you were 10 years old.



    00:19:26.415 --> 00:19:34.495


    Yes. Yeah. Why do you feel like you then six years later would run away?



    00:19:34.895 --> 00:19:40.775


    You know, I think that, well, let me let me go back because one of the foster



    00:19:40.775 --> 00:19:46.695


    homes that I was at when I was six years old, I ran away from the foster home.



    00:19:46.695 --> 00:19:53.475


    So I have to say that it was my coping mechanism was to run away.



    00:19:54.035 --> 00:20:00.195


    And which completely aligns with some of the patterns of my story.



    00:20:00.195 --> 00:20:05.495


    You know, we had to run away from, you know, my biological father.



    00:20:05.815 --> 00:20:12.595


    I ran away from, you know, one of the foster homes trying to find my mom at six years old.



    00:20:12.755 --> 00:20:19.815


    And then as a teenager, I ran away because I couldn't adapt to a lot of the



    00:20:19.815 --> 00:20:23.255


    restrictions or rules that I felt were unreasonable.



    00:20:23.255 --> 00:20:28.455


    But every teenage, you know, especially every teenage girl believes that,



    00:20:28.515 --> 00:20:29.935


    you know, they know everything.



    00:20:30.095 --> 00:20:33.895


    And so by that point, I was just too far gone.



    00:20:34.475 --> 00:20:36.195


    Hmm. Yeah.



    00:20:36.795 --> 00:20:40.215


    How long did you live homeless?



    00:20:41.075 --> 00:20:43.555


    I lived on the streets for about a year and a half.



    00:20:44.683 --> 00:20:50.623


    And so at first, it started with staying at friends' houses and kind of bouncing,



    00:20:50.783 --> 00:20:52.723


    you know, from one place to the next.



    00:20:52.943 --> 00:20:56.503


    But that quickly, it ran its course.



    00:20:56.863 --> 00:21:00.643


    And so there were some nights where I slept in abandoned houses.



    00:21:00.643 --> 00:21:06.783


    One night that I specifically write about in my book is I slept on the park



    00:21:06.783 --> 00:21:12.003


    bench across from the high school because I didn't have a place to go that night.



    00:21:12.303 --> 00:21:20.403


    And then I woke up in the morning on this little park bench with dew on my face



    00:21:20.403 --> 00:21:22.423


    because that's how cold it was.



    00:21:22.423 --> 00:21:30.043


    And as soon as I heard the, you know, the chain link fences opening on the campus,



    00:21:30.343 --> 00:21:36.943


    I snuck through and went into the girls locker room to shower and get ready



    00:21:36.943 --> 00:21:40.283


    because I still attended high school.



    00:21:40.283 --> 00:21:46.383


    I still wanted to make sure I seemed like or I pretended to have it all together.



    00:21:46.923 --> 00:21:52.643


    But even when everything was falling apart, I still pretended like I was strong



    00:21:52.643 --> 00:21:57.183


    and I had it all together and and that I could do this on my own.



    00:21:57.943 --> 00:22:03.603


    Yeah. Wow. What about your sister? Did she follow a similar path or no?



    00:22:03.603 --> 00:22:07.083


    No, we went in completely different paths.



    00:22:07.423 --> 00:22:14.083


    So my sister actually loved living with the family member that that I,



    00:22:14.123 --> 00:22:15.903


    you know, was mistreated with.



    00:22:16.063 --> 00:22:20.843


    And she ended up staying with her instead of going back with my mom.



    00:22:21.343 --> 00:22:28.123


    And it's also because my sister was 10 when we got taken away and I was five.



    00:22:28.283 --> 00:22:33.523


    So she saw a lot more and she had a lot more anger towards my mom.



    00:22:33.663 --> 00:22:40.363


    But on the flip side, she had more of a desire to follow a certain structure



    00:22:40.363 --> 00:22:47.903


    and kind of create, you know, safety. Whereas I, I really ran towards getting away.



    00:22:48.243 --> 00:22:54.223


    I was running away and she wanted to stay and find, you know, reprieve.



    00:22:54.903 --> 00:23:00.723


    Yeah. I mean, basically, you're basically your entire childhood was spent running.



    00:23:01.723 --> 00:23:03.383


    Yes. Either running or hiding.



    00:23:04.463 --> 00:23:08.903


    Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Back to where you kind of left off on on this,



    00:23:08.903 --> 00:23:13.643


    this journey of your life when you talked Talked about being on the streets,



    00:23:13.863 --> 00:23:15.323


    but still going to high school.



    00:23:16.182 --> 00:23:21.022


    What happens from there? How do you get off of the streets? And where does life



    00:23:21.022 --> 00:23:22.802


    go maybe after high school?



    00:23:23.102 --> 00:23:28.882


    You know, so my my mom, as much as I tortured her as a teenager and I was a horrible child,



    00:23:29.042 --> 00:23:40.022


    my my mom, she's always loved me unconditionally and given me the space to make my own decisions.



    00:23:40.022 --> 00:23:47.142


    And when I was living on the streets, I had three jobs, I would take the bus to each job.



    00:23:47.442 --> 00:23:53.522


    And my only way of being able to, you know, survive, at least is what my excuse



    00:23:53.522 --> 00:23:58.502


    was at the time, was that I was abusing methamphetamines.



    00:23:58.502 --> 00:24:05.202


    And so I would take them to stay up at night so that, you know,



    00:24:05.202 --> 00:24:06.762


    wherever I was, I was alert.



    00:24:07.002 --> 00:24:12.302


    And then I would need to continue the usage throughout the day to get through my classes.



    00:24:12.782 --> 00:24:18.522


    And then, of course, I would be taking the bus to one of the three jobs that I had at the time.



    00:24:18.522 --> 00:24:24.982


    And so there was a point where I had a breaking point and that I'd probably



    00:24:24.982 --> 00:24:30.422


    gone for several days, if not over a week without recovery.



    00:24:31.108 --> 00:24:36.568


    Proper nutrition, and I fainted at one of my jobs.



    00:24:36.968 --> 00:24:43.668


    And at that moment, I knew the only person that I could call was my mom.



    00:24:43.788 --> 00:24:49.588


    And she came and she picked me up and really just nursed me back to health until



    00:24:49.588 --> 00:24:53.888


    I was able to finish my final coursework to graduate.



    00:24:54.208 --> 00:25:00.328


    And so I graduated. I was off again, but this time I was off with a purpose.



    00:25:00.568 --> 00:25:08.308


    I stopped, you know, using drugs and I started really focusing on my dreams and my goals.



    00:25:08.668 --> 00:25:13.188


    And from there, that's when I, once I graduated high school,



    00:25:13.228 --> 00:25:19.548


    it was almost like a clean slate and I started over and that's when I started



    00:25:19.548 --> 00:25:21.788


    to climb the corporate ladder. Wow.



    00:25:22.608 --> 00:25:30.268


    I mean, that's incredible. I mean, the fact that we just went through the story



    00:25:30.268 --> 00:25:35.248


    you've shared pretty much your entire childhood to then all of a sudden,



    00:25:35.988 --> 00:25:37.308


    things just taking off for you.



    00:25:37.408 --> 00:25:42.608


    Was there anyone who you would say was a mentor, an influence,



    00:25:42.608 --> 00:25:47.168


    who helped you and even coming from where you came,



    00:25:47.328 --> 00:25:52.768


    but knowing that there's more and to get you to where you are today.



    00:25:52.868 --> 00:25:58.468


    Was there anybody back then that you look to for that influence or support?



    00:25:58.808 --> 00:26:05.928


    You know, the one person that continues to still be that pillar in my life is



    00:26:05.928 --> 00:26:12.148


    my mother. And despite of my choices, she loved and accepted me unconditionally.



    00:26:12.468 --> 00:26:18.148


    And that was just a beautiful thing. And to surround myself with people that



    00:26:18.148 --> 00:26:21.768


    really a sense of community of people that were.



    00:26:22.646 --> 00:26:27.946


    Encouraging me to do the right thing and to course correct my path.



    00:26:28.146 --> 00:26:34.786


    That was really the way that I was able to kind of get myself out of that darkness.



    00:26:34.966 --> 00:26:39.546


    And once I entered into the corporate world, then, you know,



    00:26:39.546 --> 00:26:45.866


    I had mentors that, you know, were leading me, whether they were managers or, you know, executives,



    00:26:46.146 --> 00:26:53.126


    I was in a place where I was, you know, I admired them and I wanted to be like them.



    00:26:53.286 --> 00:26:59.606


    And so I was willing at that point to do whatever it took to now shift the course of my life.



    00:26:59.826 --> 00:27:04.226


    And that's, that's why I started climbing the corporate ladders because I was



    00:27:04.226 --> 00:27:09.086


    inspired by all these people that I saw doing great things.



    00:27:09.206 --> 00:27:11.506


    And I wanted to be one of those people.



    00:27:12.766 --> 00:27:19.126


    I love it so much. I want to ask you one more question before we continue is



    00:27:19.126 --> 00:27:25.126


    at At what point were you able to get out of witness protection?



    00:27:25.566 --> 00:27:30.126


    Probably when I was about eight years old, when I was placed with the family member.



    00:27:30.426 --> 00:27:35.286


    Once I was placed with a family member, and that's because during that time,



    00:27:35.446 --> 00:27:40.646


    that few years was going through court hearings and, you know,



    00:27:40.686 --> 00:27:44.486


    my biological father was incarcerated at that point.



    00:27:44.486 --> 00:27:51.746


    So that's really the thing they were trying to protect us from was him finding us. Yes. Okay.



    00:27:52.626 --> 00:27:56.446


    Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay. I just had to, I just had to answer that,



    00:27:56.486 --> 00:27:58.126


    get that answer because I was wondering.



    00:27:58.646 --> 00:28:02.426


    So here you are climbing the corporate ladder.



    00:28:02.606 --> 00:28:08.266


    I guess I would love to know, I mean, what dreams did you have at that point



    00:28:08.266 --> 00:28:13.646


    in your life and kind of where did life end up taking you? You know,



    00:28:13.686 --> 00:28:16.266


    at the, at the time, it's so funny.



    00:28:16.346 --> 00:28:19.606


    People ask me like, what did you want to be when you grew up?



    00:28:19.626 --> 00:28:27.466


    Like as a child, you know, and the one thing that I had in my vision and don't



    00:28:27.466 --> 00:28:31.886


    ask me where this came from, but I wanted to be this,



    00:28:32.026 --> 00:28:34.946


    you know, business woman in a business suit.



    00:28:34.946 --> 00:28:39.566


    And I didn't know what direction I was going to.



    00:28:39.666 --> 00:28:47.386


    I started in real estate, but I was just too young for that and kind of evolved



    00:28:47.386 --> 00:28:53.706


    into customer service and sales, which then led me into marketing.



    00:28:54.505 --> 00:29:01.025


    And that's where I found my passion for marketing, which is why I founded my



    00:29:01.025 --> 00:29:06.225


    marketing agency in 2013 was because it became something that,



    00:29:06.225 --> 00:29:08.365


    you know, was my passion.



    00:29:08.445 --> 00:29:12.205


    But remember, I tried to go to college.



    00:29:12.245 --> 00:29:16.705


    I tried to do those things, but I had to survive still. I was still,



    00:29:16.825 --> 00:29:24.325


    even though I graduated from high school, now I wanted to actually provide for myself.



    00:29:24.645 --> 00:29:33.325


    So trying to squeeze in college and working more than one job became really challenging.



    00:29:33.325 --> 00:29:41.665


    And so I found myself fully emerged and working, you know, through and climbing that corporate ladder.



    00:29:42.025 --> 00:29:47.085


    And during that period, I had my son and then my daughter.



    00:29:47.225 --> 00:29:55.785


    And then it wasn't until about 2010 that I met my husband, Kyle. Okay. Okay.



    00:29:56.425 --> 00:30:00.845


    Talk to me about that. Talk to me about Kyle. He was the kind of person that



    00:30:00.845 --> 00:30:07.005


    was just charismatic and charming and just this beautiful spirit.



    00:30:07.245 --> 00:30:13.245


    And this sounds so cliche, but he could absolutely light up a room with his personality.



    00:30:14.045 --> 00:30:21.085


    And he swept me off my feet. I'd never experienced a love that I was so,



    00:30:21.205 --> 00:30:23.945


    it felt like it was all consuming.



    00:30:25.265 --> 00:30:28.805


    He played the guitar and he would sing to me and he would make,



    00:30:28.905 --> 00:30:34.125


    he would change the words in some of the songs, you know, to include something



    00:30:34.125 --> 00:30:37.945


    special about me, even if it was like a song you would hear on the radio.



    00:30:37.945 --> 00:30:45.585


    He painted this large canvas, you know, of my, basically of my side profile.



    00:30:46.245 --> 00:30:52.965


    And it was just like this beautiful canvas. And I was like, who does this stuff? Like, this is insane.



    00:30:53.205 --> 00:30:58.765


    Like, he was just this amazing person. He had like this adventurous spirit.



    00:30:59.790 --> 00:31:03.350


    And I just fell head over heels.



    00:31:03.550 --> 00:31:10.530


    Like I couldn't even describe to you the type of love that I felt for him.



    00:31:10.730 --> 00:31:16.830


    And so we were together for two years and we got married.



    00:31:16.910 --> 00:31:21.550


    We did like a beautiful wedding in Napa, California.



    00:31:22.890 --> 00:31:28.890


    And with literally the entire Napa Valley in the backdrop. drop.



    00:31:29.090 --> 00:31:34.690


    And he sang and played the guitar as I walked down the aisle.



    00:31:35.070 --> 00:31:41.670


    Oh, wow. Yeah. Like just the most amazing person you could ever imagine,



    00:31:41.850 --> 00:31:44.550


    like your ultimate soulmate.



    00:31:44.770 --> 00:31:51.570


    But when things started to turn was about two weeks after our honeymoon.



    00:31:51.770 --> 00:31:56.110


    At this point, I'm a VP of marketing for a large organization.



    00:31:56.670 --> 00:32:01.150


    And I'm sitting in my office and it was an executive suite.



    00:32:01.610 --> 00:32:05.930


    So typically only the executives were in the office. And at this point,



    00:32:05.950 --> 00:32:08.130


    it was in the middle of the day.



    00:32:08.190 --> 00:32:13.990


    And I was working through my lunch because I had just gotten back from my honeymoon.



    00:32:14.110 --> 00:32:18.350


    So I was working through my lunch, but the remainder of the executives were



    00:32:18.350 --> 00:32:27.330


    out. and a woman comes in through the office reception area and the receptionist is gone.



    00:32:27.550 --> 00:32:32.110


    And so I look up and I was about to notion her like, you know, how could I help you?



    00:32:32.590 --> 00:32:36.450


    And she said my name. She said Serena.



    00:32:36.790 --> 00:32:42.750


    And at that moment, I just felt like my stomach dropped and I knew that this



    00:32:42.750 --> 00:32:49.010


    was much more than just someone, coming to meet with somebody in the office.



    00:32:49.290 --> 00:32:53.970


    And she came into my office and she closed the door behind her and she sat in



    00:32:53.970 --> 00:32:55.830


    the chair across from my desk.



    00:32:55.870 --> 00:32:59.550


    And she said, I've been with Kyle for the last two years.



    00:32:59.790 --> 00:33:10.070


    And she sent me over 300 emails, text messages and photos between the the two



    00:33:10.070 --> 00:33:11.870


    of them for that time period.



    00:33:12.010 --> 00:33:16.510


    So the entire time that we were together, he was also with her.



    00:33:16.950 --> 00:33:21.490


    And I found that out two weeks after our honeymoon.



    00:33:22.070 --> 00:33:25.750


    Wow. Wow. That is horrible.



    00:33:26.170 --> 00:33:31.210


    What made her come and tell you this? You know, it was, it was a really interesting



    00:33:31.210 --> 00:33:38.910


    moment because I, I felt so much empathy for her when most people would probably be angry.



    00:33:40.290 --> 00:33:48.450


    It almost felt like she felt that they had this relationship and that I had ruined it.



    00:33:48.630 --> 00:33:53.850


    It was a very odd moment for me because she was crying and she was...



    00:33:54.344 --> 00:33:57.684


    You know, she said, well, we need to confront him.



    00:33:58.004 --> 00:34:02.364


    And I thought to myself, like, well, I like this is remember,



    00:34:02.584 --> 00:34:05.464


    I just felt like I was in an out of body experience, because I,



    00:34:05.464 --> 00:34:07.624


    I felt like this was not my story.



    00:34:07.644 --> 00:34:10.824


    Like I was watching this happen, but I wasn't there.



    00:34:11.884 --> 00:34:17.224


    And she's like, he's gonna deny it. He's gonna say that nothing happened.



    00:34:17.724 --> 00:34:24.424


    And I want you to know the truth. And so I agreed and I followed her to his



    00:34:24.424 --> 00:34:26.844


    place of work in my vehicle.



    00:34:26.904 --> 00:34:32.104


    And we went in the back where the employee entrance was.



    00:34:32.404 --> 00:34:37.704


    And she said, text him and have him come out here and we'll confront him together. other.



    00:34:37.924 --> 00:34:42.204


    And I'm in this state of comply and concede.



    00:34:42.284 --> 00:34:48.184


    Like I can't even process this amount of information in this short of a period of time.



    00:34:48.544 --> 00:34:52.544


    And I just followed whatever she told me I just did. And so I text him and I



    00:34:52.544 --> 00:34:54.944


    said, I'm outside, I need to get something out of your car.



    00:34:55.344 --> 00:35:00.104


    And he came out through the back employee entrance.



    00:35:00.824 --> 00:35:05.164


    And she grabbed my hand in this moment, we're standing in the alleyway.



    00:35:05.404 --> 00:35:13.584


    And he looked up and saw the two of us and fell to his knees on the cement and



    00:35:13.584 --> 00:35:15.484


    just started screaming.



    00:35:15.924 --> 00:35:20.864


    And that's when it became real. Like when she told me about it,



    00:35:20.904 --> 00:35:23.744


    I felt like I was listening to someone's story.



    00:35:23.824 --> 00:35:30.004


    But when he fell to the ground, And that's when it just, my whole world shattered.



    00:35:31.164 --> 00:35:34.424


    Wow. Wow. That is...



    00:35:35.566 --> 00:35:40.566


    Completely devastating. You think, especially the relationship that you talk



    00:35:40.566 --> 00:35:44.506


    about with him, this amazing, amazing relationship.



    00:35:44.906 --> 00:35:50.246


    And the fact that you think you know this person, and then to find out that



    00:35:50.246 --> 00:35:54.086


    at the same time, he's having that kind of relationship with somebody else.



    00:35:54.346 --> 00:36:03.046


    I can't even imagine. It was indescribable. And I had mentioned that she sent me over 300 messages.



    00:36:03.166 --> 00:36:11.766


    And some of those messages were talking about how they got away with doing something



    00:36:11.766 --> 00:36:15.106


    in our home when I was away. way.



    00:36:15.226 --> 00:36:21.126


    So that was even harder to realize that not only do you know that this happened,



    00:36:21.246 --> 00:36:27.986


    but now I'm reading their interactions and looking at the photos that they sent each other.



    00:36:28.146 --> 00:36:34.146


    And at one point there was a, I was taking a video of him while he was singing



    00:36:34.146 --> 00:36:40.186


    and playing the guitar and he was singing to me and he sent that video to her.



    00:36:41.286 --> 00:36:48.726


    So it was like, my mind was just trying to, it was, it was something that I



    00:36:48.726 --> 00:36:49.806


    couldn't comprehend fully.



    00:36:49.966 --> 00:36:56.086


    I was, I had put this man on a pedestal, which is very unhealthy,



    00:36:56.326 --> 00:37:02.126


    obviously, but I learned through that experience. I put him on a pedestal for so long.



    00:37:02.206 --> 00:37:07.986


    And it was like when all of this happened, I just was so broken.



    00:37:08.106 --> 00:37:15.446


    But what started to unravel and started to unfold is he...



    00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:21.940


    Became suicidal and said that, I never loved her.



    00:37:22.300 --> 00:37:27.900


    You're the only one that I've loved. I'm going to do whatever it takes to be a better person for you.



    00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:31.200


    This is just something I was struggling with. It's behind me now.



    00:37:31.520 --> 00:37:36.040


    And so we went to counseling. We went to intensive.



    00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:43.320


    Marriage workshops or seminars where we were there working through our childhood



    00:37:43.320 --> 00:37:47.720


    trauma and working through the issues and working through the infidelity.



    00:37:48.300 --> 00:37:53.940


    And I forgave him and I, I forgave her.



    00:37:54.140 --> 00:37:57.780


    But what I recognized is I didn't forgive myself.



    00:37:58.300 --> 00:38:02.620


    And so that was something that I had to learn along the way.



    00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:05.040


    What do you mean? Forgive yourself?



    00:38:05.580 --> 00:38:12.080


    What I started to do was to blame myself for not being enough,



    00:38:12.280 --> 00:38:17.680


    for not doing enough, for maybe I was working too much.



    00:38:17.780 --> 00:38:19.940


    I wasn't prioritizing him.



    00:38:20.200 --> 00:38:24.660


    I led him to this because I didn't give him what he needed.



    00:38:24.860 --> 00:38:33.580


    Those were the unhealthy, distorted thoughts that I was really believing at the time.



    00:38:33.580 --> 00:38:42.440


    And the beauty, though, is that the forgiveness, when you learn how to fully,



    00:38:42.640 --> 00:38:44.980


    authentically forgive,



    00:38:45.300 --> 00:38:51.840


    it really, it really helps relieve the pain that you're feeling inside.



    00:38:51.840 --> 00:38:58.780


    And so once I forgave him, and once I forgave her, I started to feel the layers



    00:38:58.780 --> 00:39:02.840


    of pain start to subside.



    00:39:02.860 --> 00:39:10.500


    And then once I started to learn how to forgive myself for putting myself in



    00:39:10.500 --> 00:39:14.840


    that situation, right, for even for blaming myself for it.



    00:39:15.725 --> 00:39:22.605


    That's when I started to really identify like my strengths and come out of the



    00:39:22.605 --> 00:39:24.965


    darkness in that circumstance.



    00:39:25.445 --> 00:39:33.465


    And we started to thrive. We stayed married and I was determined to work through it.



    00:39:34.085 --> 00:39:41.965


    But I still really didn't tell anyone about what happened because I was so embarrassed



    00:39:41.965 --> 00:39:45.145


    that it was right after our honeymoon.



    00:39:45.725 --> 00:39:50.425


    I was so humiliated that I kept that private.



    00:39:50.925 --> 00:39:53.625


    And what that ended up



    00:39:53.625 --> 00:40:02.665


    doing is that it just kind of created this snowball effect of me hiding situations



    00:40:02.665 --> 00:40:11.385


    or me trying to protect others from any pain or harm or me trying to protect his integrity.



    00:40:11.385 --> 00:40:18.685


    It didn't help me truly let go of the pain and put it behind me because now



    00:40:18.685 --> 00:40:20.865


    I was in this hiding mode,



    00:40:21.025 --> 00:40:26.745


    pretending everything was okay to family members and the people around me,



    00:40:26.885 --> 00:40:32.885


    but still working through these issues, you know, on my own or with counselors,



    00:40:33.005 --> 00:40:35.025


    but not really speaking about it.



    00:40:36.305 --> 00:40:38.945


    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Wow.



    00:40:39.045 --> 00:40:44.845


    Now, during all this time, what is the dynamic between him and your kids?



    00:40:45.225 --> 00:40:50.045


    It was beautiful. He was an incredible father. He accepted them as his own.



    00:40:50.965 --> 00:40:54.565


    He also had, when we first got together, a six-month-old.



    00:40:54.605 --> 00:40:59.585


    So his son and my two children were inseparable.



    00:41:00.565 --> 00:41:07.705


    And he was the epitome of the most amazing father ever.



    00:41:08.595 --> 00:41:13.475


    You know, encouraging them, joking with them, guiding them, teaching them how



    00:41:13.475 --> 00:41:16.795


    to do silly things like change a tire or go fishing.



    00:41:17.235 --> 00:41:21.375


    And with my daughter playing Barbies and letting her put makeup on him,



    00:41:21.455 --> 00:41:24.715


    the epitome of an amazing father.



    00:41:24.995 --> 00:41:30.015


    And really that was the only father that they really knew.



    00:41:30.315 --> 00:41:35.255


    And so they looked up to him and admired him and adored him,



    00:41:35.435 --> 00:41:43.115


    which also made me continue hiding when three years later, I found out about the second woman.



    00:41:45.355 --> 00:41:51.255


    Again. Yes. This woman was a completely different woman, but this was after



    00:41:51.255 --> 00:41:54.895


    I had started the agency.



    00:41:55.895 --> 00:41:59.275


    So by this point, I had left the corporate world.



    00:41:59.355 --> 00:42:07.135


    I started the agency and he quit his job to come work in the agency and he oversaw



    00:42:07.135 --> 00:42:11.555


    all of the sales and I oversaw the operations and the creative.



    00:42:11.695 --> 00:42:17.875


    And so he would travel a lot for different events or trade shows or sales meetings.



    00:42:18.055 --> 00:42:26.015


    And when I found out about the second woman, I didn't fully recover from that, that.



    00:42:26.015 --> 00:42:33.295


    But I hid that because now it not only would impact my children,



    00:42:33.475 --> 00:42:35.155


    it would impact my business.



    00:42:35.495 --> 00:42:40.575


    It would not only impact my family and my friends, but it would impact my employees.



    00:42:41.555 --> 00:42:48.395


    So I confronted him about that. We went through a whole nother slew of chaos



    00:42:48.395 --> 00:42:52.235


    and challenges and and counseling and all of that.



    00:42:52.275 --> 00:42:56.975


    It was like I was reliving the first two weeks of, you know,



    00:42:56.975 --> 00:42:59.975


    being of our marriage all over again.



    00:43:00.035 --> 00:43:06.715


    Three years later, after I worked so hard to rebuild trust and so hard to forgive,



    00:43:06.855 --> 00:43:12.815


    now I had to start all over again and go through that process again.



    00:43:13.235 --> 00:43:16.115


    Wow. I struggled again.



    00:43:16.635 --> 00:43:21.835


    I fell deeper into my depression. I started having health issues.



    00:43:22.195 --> 00:43:25.815


    I couldn't sleep at night. It was starting to eat me alive.



    00:43:26.915 --> 00:43:34.855


    And I turned to alcohol at this point where I would pretend during the day everything was great.



    00:43:34.995 --> 00:43:38.255


    I would run the company. I would pick up the kids from school,



    00:43:38.435 --> 00:43:40.395


    do the dinners, get them tucked in bed.



    00:43:40.395 --> 00:43:45.335


    And by the time they were in bed, I would have as many drinks as I could to



    00:43:45.335 --> 00:43:50.935


    fall asleep or I would go into the closet and cry just because I was having



    00:43:50.935 --> 00:43:54.895


    such a hard time letting go of the second time.



    00:43:57.395 --> 00:44:02.775


    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Would that be the last time or were there more?



    00:44:02.775 --> 00:44:05.135


    I was determined to be an amazing wife.



    00:44:05.315 --> 00:44:09.815


    I was determined to keep fighting.



    00:44:10.315 --> 00:44:15.595


    I was trying to fight not only for our family and our marriage.



    00:44:15.815 --> 00:44:20.075


    I was also trying to fight because of the amount of loss.



    00:44:20.415 --> 00:44:25.935


    I mean, everything I'd worked so hard for up to that point, I would lose everything



    00:44:25.935 --> 00:44:31.615


    if I chose to leave. So there was a part of me trying to safeguard all of the



    00:44:31.615 --> 00:44:33.575


    work that I had done up to that point.



    00:44:34.675 --> 00:44:39.315


    I worked through my own personal issues. We went to counseling together.



    00:44:39.375 --> 00:44:48.315


    I went to counseling alone and I started to gently and slowly work through those through that pain.



    00:44:48.495 --> 00:44:53.835


    But it was the third time when a completely different woman,



    00:44:53.915 --> 00:44:59.955


    when I found out about the third woman was when I finally had the courage to walk away.



    00:45:01.075 --> 00:45:04.815


    And the turning point was actually



    00:45:04.815 --> 00:45:07.535


    a few days before I found out about this third



    00:45:07.535 --> 00:45:13.535


    woman I was talking to my counselor and I said I just I feel like I'm never



    00:45:13.535 --> 00:45:19.395


    enough like I feel like no matter how hard I work or no matter how much I try



    00:45:19.395 --> 00:45:27.075


    to heal or you know I'm I'm an amazing wife I'm an amazing mother.



    00:45:27.375 --> 00:45:29.535


    I'm a business owner. I'm successful.



    00:45:30.075 --> 00:45:35.055


    I'm doing all these things. I'm amazing in bed. I mean, geez.



    00:45:35.415 --> 00:45:40.875


    I was like, I just don't know why I'm just not enough. And he said,



    00:45:41.075 --> 00:45:48.315


    Serena, you, you may be all of those things, but you can't earn love.



    00:45:48.695 --> 00:45:55.275


    It has to be freely given. And it was like a blindfold came off.



    00:45:55.415 --> 00:46:00.475


    Like my whole life, I felt like I had to earn approval, earn love.



    00:46:00.655 --> 00:46:04.595


    And it goes back to my childhood is that's what I was taught.



    00:46:04.595 --> 00:46:08.795


    Thought my biological father is you have to do this.



    00:46:09.475 --> 00:46:15.655


    And, and so I really believed in my mind that I, it, the more that I did,



    00:46:15.815 --> 00:46:22.875


    the more successful I was, the, the better I was or whatever in my mind at the



    00:46:22.875 --> 00:46:27.915


    time, the more that I did, I felt like I was earning love and approval.



    00:46:28.015 --> 00:46:29.895


    And when he said that statement.



    00:46:30.840 --> 00:46:34.780


    You can't earn love. It has to be freely given.



    00:46:35.140 --> 00:46:40.940


    It literally was the moment that I knew that I had to leave.



    00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:47.380


    And that was even that was just a few days before I found out about the third woman.



    00:46:48.400 --> 00:46:52.980


    Wow. So talk to me about the story when you finally did leave. leave?



    00:46:53.420 --> 00:47:01.120


    So he had been on a trip and he was scheduled to return in about three days when I found out.



    00:47:01.200 --> 00:47:05.500


    And so remember this whole time I had been not telling anyone.



    00:47:05.800 --> 00:47:08.780


    So no one knew about all of these things.



    00:47:08.840 --> 00:47:15.160


    All they saw from the outside was this power couple that owned a business that



    00:47:15.160 --> 00:47:19.000


    worked together, that were, you know, just this perfect family.



    00:47:19.380 --> 00:47:24.760


    And I went to my mom and dad and I, and this is my stepdad, of course.



    00:47:24.920 --> 00:47:28.940


    And I went to my kids and I said, I need everyone to pack up. We're leaving.



    00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:35.560


    And that's when I, that's when I told my truth. And I said, it's,



    00:47:35.560 --> 00:47:37.400


    we're leaving. It's time to go.



    00:47:37.560 --> 00:47:44.780


    And so we packed up all of our things and moved out before he returned home.



    00:47:45.540 --> 00:47:51.360


    And because I'm an overachiever, I even cleaned the house and left all of his things.



    00:47:52.180 --> 00:47:57.540


    I did. You love it. I cleaned the house. I left all of his things in the right place.



    00:47:57.960 --> 00:48:02.600


    Just so that he knew his things were there, my things were gone.



    00:48:02.800 --> 00:48:06.360


    And I put my ring on the nightstand.



    00:48:06.580 --> 00:48:10.920


    And then I sent him a message once we were completely moved out,



    00:48:11.040 --> 00:48:15.880


    knowing that he was going to be home that day and said, I've hired a divorce attorney.



    00:48:16.340 --> 00:48:21.020


    I've listed the house for sale. I've informed our staff.



    00:48:22.199 --> 00:48:25.259


    And I just want you to know that I'm leaving. Well,



    00:48:25.459 --> 00:48:29.619


    meanwhile, before he has a chance to really respond,



    00:48:29.739 --> 00:48:35.539


    I've literally done all these things and made sure that I had everything taken



    00:48:35.539 --> 00:48:41.219


    care of, including changing the locks on the office so that at any point he



    00:48:41.219 --> 00:48:44.499


    couldn't go back and make a scene or do anything.



    00:48:44.559 --> 00:48:48.179


    When my employees were there, I had to tell my employees.



    00:48:48.659 --> 00:48:55.539


    And so I brought them together and I said, you know, Kyle and I are going through



    00:48:55.539 --> 00:48:58.179


    divorce and, you know, I'm so sorry.



    00:48:58.259 --> 00:49:03.179


    I know how this impacts you, but I want you to know that we're going to get through this.



    00:49:03.639 --> 00:49:07.119


    And this was in October of 2019.



    00:49:08.139 --> 00:49:13.279


    And I was going to get through this and I opened a bottle of champagne and I



    00:49:13.279 --> 00:49:17.519


    toasted to them like 2020 is going to be a much better year.



    00:49:18.179 --> 00:49:19.499


    And you have nothing to worry about.



    00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:27.919


    We all know what happened there. But they they cheers. They believed in me.



    00:49:28.059 --> 00:49:33.039


    They knew that I could lead them and that I had been leading them.



    00:49:33.179 --> 00:49:38.319


    So they supported me. And after we after we did this little cheers,



    00:49:38.439 --> 00:49:43.399


    my son at the time is now, you know, 17 years old.



    00:49:43.499 --> 00:49:48.359


    And he had been working for us in addition to my my staff. So he was,



    00:49:48.359 --> 00:49:55.919


    he was in the room and I hear my, my team kind of bantering back and forth and, and whispering.



    00:49:56.459 --> 00:49:59.899


    And I said, Hey guys, like, let's make this a positive thing.



    00:50:00.339 --> 00:50:04.159


    Let's put negative things, you know, out of our mind and let's look forward.



    00:50:04.599 --> 00:50:09.459


    And I said, no gossiping, you know, like let's just not gossip.



    00:50:10.505 --> 00:50:15.705


    Yeah. And my son says, Mom, they're not gossiping.



    00:50:15.745 --> 00:50:19.725


    And I say, my stomach just dropped.



    00:50:20.205 --> 00:50:24.725


    And I it was almost like the whole room stopped.



    00:50:25.025 --> 00:50:30.525


    And I looked at my, my team. And I said, What did what did you say?



    00:50:30.705 --> 00:50:36.025


    And they had told me that that my husband had also been with one of our former employees.



    00:50:37.105 --> 00:50:40.485


    And that they, many of them knew



    00:50:40.485 --> 00:50:48.925


    that he was cheating and he told or pretended that I was okay with it.



    00:50:49.625 --> 00:50:58.905


    And so the humiliation for me was more that so many people knew around me.



    00:50:59.045 --> 00:51:02.265


    They were all, it was like I was standing in a glass house and everyone's looking



    00:51:02.265 --> 00:51:05.385


    in. And I think that was one of the hardest moments for me.



    00:51:05.725 --> 00:51:11.625


    But it also reminded me that I was doing the right thing by moving on.



    00:51:11.805 --> 00:51:16.925


    And I had to let go of the idea that I could protect him, that I could protect



    00:51:16.925 --> 00:51:22.665


    his character, his integrity, even if he didn't have any, that I could pretend



    00:51:22.665 --> 00:51:23.985


    that I had it all together.



    00:51:23.985 --> 00:51:29.585


    It was that moment that I realized that I could be fully 100% vulnerable and



    00:51:29.585 --> 00:51:33.025


    authentic with my, not just my friends and family, but my staff,



    00:51:33.305 --> 00:51:35.385


    that they could see me as a human.



    00:51:36.225 --> 00:51:42.125


    And they still loved and honored and respected me. It was a beautiful moment for me.



    00:51:42.245 --> 00:51:48.205


    But it was devastating to hear that they knew and all these people around me



    00:51:48.205 --> 00:51:50.025


    knew, but I was in the dark.



    00:51:50.705 --> 00:51:54.645


    Yeah. Wow. That is very tough.



    00:51:55.045 --> 00:52:00.685


    How did your children handle you guys leaving in all of this news?



    00:52:01.105 --> 00:52:06.605


    You know, I think that they could feel the anxiety.



    00:52:06.665 --> 00:52:13.485


    They could feel the difference of, you know, my behaviors since the second woman.



    00:52:13.645 --> 00:52:17.965


    So I think they knew it was time to go.



    00:52:18.205 --> 00:52:24.145


    Yeah. And that period when he was out of town, his son, who I always tell is



    00:52:24.145 --> 00:52:27.365


    my son, I always would say, that's my baby.



    00:52:27.885 --> 00:52:34.125


    He was with his mother at the time. And so it's obviously I was being very sensitive of that situation.



    00:52:34.625 --> 00:52:40.805


    And so I only told my children and they were supportive and they said,



    00:52:40.825 --> 00:52:43.505


    whatever we need to do, we're going to make it.



    00:52:44.246 --> 00:52:51.986


    And so that was in October of 2019. And by March of 2020, he committed suicide.



    00:52:52.406 --> 00:52:57.266


    What? Yeah. Okay. You're going to have to fill in the gap. I know.



    00:52:58.846 --> 00:53:03.606


    So, and I kind of left this out because I wanted to go back.



    00:53:03.826 --> 00:53:12.686


    So in every experience that he was unfaithful, he would revert to suicidal tendencies.



    00:53:13.026 --> 00:53:20.706


    And so it would send me in this tailspin of trying to protect him from hurting himself,



    00:53:20.946 --> 00:53:26.246


    which is one of the reasons I continued to stay is because I thought I could



    00:53:26.246 --> 00:53:28.126


    protect him from himself.



    00:53:28.426 --> 00:53:32.606


    And he would beat up on himself and he would, you know, say all these things



    00:53:32.606 --> 00:53:37.306


    and then he would start cutting himself. And these types of situations were



    00:53:37.306 --> 00:53:38.806


    happening throughout our marriage.



    00:53:39.066 --> 00:53:47.146


    And I also hid those things, which is purposely why I waited to fill back in



    00:53:47.146 --> 00:53:51.766


    the story, because I wanted you to see that my tendency was to hide.



    00:53:51.886 --> 00:53:57.066


    And I was hiding everything. I was trying to protect him.



    00:53:57.226 --> 00:54:00.206


    I was trying to protect my family.



    00:54:00.246 --> 00:54:06.386


    And in that, when these suicidal moments would happen and he would be trying



    00:54:06.386 --> 00:54:11.286


    to take a bunch of pills or drinking until he passed out and I wasn't sure if



    00:54:11.286 --> 00:54:13.986


    he was, you know, like I didn't know what happened.



    00:54:13.986 --> 00:54:19.366


    And these moments were so chaotic that I was just trying to survive.



    00:54:20.286 --> 00:54:23.986


    I was trying to make sure that he was okay, getting him the right help that he needed.



    00:54:24.426 --> 00:54:28.706


    And I lost a sense of myself during that period.



    00:54:28.946 --> 00:54:35.746


    So when I chose to leave, when I built up the courage to leave after that third



    00:54:35.746 --> 00:54:43.346


    woman, I also had to recognize that it was not my responsibility to protect him.



    00:54:43.986 --> 00:54:45.686


    That that was his responsibility.



    00:54:46.566 --> 00:54:53.266


    Yeah. I mean, you're right. You are so right. How did you find out?



    00:54:53.626 --> 00:54:57.226


    Well, I got a call from his girlfriend that morning.



    00:55:03.926 --> 00:55:09.266


    One of the many. You love it that I could laugh about it now because it's just



    00:55:09.266 --> 00:55:11.706


    so crazy. Of course, of course.



    00:55:13.526 --> 00:55:17.546


    That night, I had gotten up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night,



    00:55:17.546 --> 00:55:22.086


    and I saw a message from him on my phone.



    00:55:22.626 --> 00:55:27.946


    And this was the first time he'd ever apologized. And he said, Yeah.



    00:55:28.420 --> 00:55:32.840


    In his text message, I'm so sorry for all the pain that I've caused you.



    00:55:33.480 --> 00:55:37.260


    And I'm so grateful for all the memories that we shared.



    00:55:37.600 --> 00:55:42.820


    And I was kind of groggy, you know, just getting up to go to the bathroom and go back to bed.



    00:55:42.940 --> 00:55:48.300


    And I looked at it and I was like, wow, that was the first time he's ever apologized.



    00:55:48.320 --> 00:55:50.080


    And that like means so much.



    00:55:50.260 --> 00:55:55.340


    Like it's been so long and we've been, I mean, this is a 10 year marriage.



    00:55:55.540 --> 00:56:02.540


    We've been through a lot. And I said, thank you so much that that means the



    00:56:02.540 --> 00:56:04.060


    world to me. I'm just so grateful.



    00:56:04.080 --> 00:56:06.340


    Thank you. And I went back to sleep.



    00:56:06.560 --> 00:56:15.940


    And I woke up that morning to like 15 missed calls and voicemails and all these



    00:56:15.940 --> 00:56:19.180


    things. And I was like trying to figure out what was happening.



    00:56:19.280 --> 00:56:22.320


    And I listened to the voicemail and it was his girlfriend at the time.



    00:56:22.320 --> 00:56:28.640


    And I couldn't understand a word she was saying because it was all tears and I was confused.



    00:56:28.740 --> 00:56:33.160


    And so I called her back to figure out what was happening.



    00:56:33.260 --> 00:56:37.500


    And somebody got on the phone and said, Kyle's in the hospital.



    00:56:38.460 --> 00:56:43.300


    You're the next of kin because you're his wife. Still, it was only a few months.



    00:56:44.560 --> 00:56:48.880


    And you're the only one that can get information. Can you go to the hospital



    00:56:48.880 --> 00:56:49.900


    and find out what happened?



    00:56:50.080 --> 00:56:56.580


    And I just happened to live in, we had moved out of the house and moved into



    00:56:56.580 --> 00:57:01.720


    a condo. And that condo, my balcony to my bedroom overlooked the hospital that,



    00:57:02.377 --> 00:57:06.237


    he was at. So it was less than a block away.



    00:57:06.717 --> 00:57:13.157


    Yeah. And I running down the stairs, scrambling to try and get myself together.



    00:57:13.737 --> 00:57:19.737


    And my daughter runs out and she's 13 at this time. And she's like, mom, what's happening?



    00:57:19.877 --> 00:57:22.337


    And I said, you stay here. You can't come.



    00:57:23.197 --> 00:57:25.697


    I was like, I don't know what's happening, but you stay here.



    00:57:25.957 --> 00:57:32.237


    My son is like 18 at this point. and he's jumping up like, I'm going with you



    00:57:32.237 --> 00:57:33.937


    no matter what. And I'm like, that's fine.



    00:57:34.417 --> 00:57:36.597


    And so my son and I go to the hospital.



    00:57:37.417 --> 00:57:43.357


    And at this point, remember, it's COVID. Like everything is shut down. That's right.



    00:57:44.377 --> 00:57:46.417


    It's a ghost town in the hospital.



    00:57:47.517 --> 00:57:52.417


    And I tell them, you know, who I'm here to see. And they take my son and I and



    00:57:52.417 --> 00:57:58.417


    they put us in this private waiting room. And I was completely confused as to



    00:57:58.417 --> 00:58:00.277


    why they would put us in a private waiting room.



    00:58:00.357 --> 00:58:02.677


    Why would they not just take us to go see him?



    00:58:02.797 --> 00:58:08.877


    And a detective and a nurse walked in and they said, last night there was a



    00:58:08.877 --> 00:58:12.337


    fight between the girlfriend and Kyle.



    00:58:12.337 --> 00:58:19.737


    Kyle, and he had shot a bullet or he had shot a round off into the fireplace



    00:58:19.737 --> 00:58:25.537


    or something of the sort because they were fighting and she ran outside and she called the police.



    00:58:25.797 --> 00:58:30.657


    And when the police arrived, they stepped into the house from the backyard.



    00:58:30.997 --> 00:58:38.377


    And before they could say to Kyle, put down your gun, he shot himself in the



    00:58:38.377 --> 00:58:42.017


    head in front of the police officers. Wow.



    00:58:42.457 --> 00:58:45.977


    How devastating. Yes.



    00:58:48.017 --> 00:58:52.557


    Talk to me that point moving forward.



    00:58:52.637 --> 00:58:57.897


    And I'm wanting to touch on the emotional side because I'm wondering,



    00:58:58.017 --> 00:59:00.557


    do you immediately go to guilt?



    00:59:01.468 --> 00:59:10.868


    Or what emotions were you feeling? Yes, that's a beautiful way to kind of segue. I felt relief.



    00:59:12.068 --> 00:59:15.628


    Not something that you would think that I would feel in that moment.



    00:59:16.288 --> 00:59:22.768


    But I had spent 10 years trying to protect this man. And I was exhausted.



    00:59:23.828 --> 00:59:26.788


    Yeah. I had nothing left.



    00:59:27.428 --> 00:59:33.088


    And it was almost like everywhere he went, And there was a circle of chaos because



    00:59:33.088 --> 00:59:39.848


    he was so charismatic and he swept people off their feet and everyone loved him.



    00:59:40.048 --> 00:59:46.048


    But it would always lead to this chaotic environment and to where I could no



    00:59:46.048 --> 00:59:49.848


    longer carry the weight of his story.



    00:59:50.008 --> 00:59:53.968


    I couldn't carry the weight of protecting him.



    00:59:54.048 --> 00:59:59.948


    I couldn't carry all that any longer. And so as devastating as it was in that moment,



    01:00:00.028 --> 01:00:09.488


    the first feeling I remember having was I could breathe because I was so afraid for so long.



    01:00:09.808 --> 01:00:16.188


    And I had already accepted when I left that day a few months earlier that I



    01:00:16.188 --> 01:00:17.428


    was no longer responsible.



    01:00:18.288 --> 01:00:25.448


    Yeah. That I knew there's nothing I could do that he was responsible for for his life.



    01:00:26.168 --> 01:00:35.688


    And I could no longer hold that responsibility. And yet it went through the emotions of disbelief.



    01:00:35.688 --> 01:00:39.968


    It went through the emotions of just sadness



    01:00:39.968 --> 01:00:47.588


    because he was still that person I fell in love with that played guitar and



    01:00:47.588 --> 01:00:56.148


    sang to me and painted these beautiful paintings for me and wrote me amazing poems.



    01:00:56.168 --> 01:01:00.188


    And took me on adventures, he still was that person.



    01:01:01.495 --> 01:01:08.995


    And a lot of times during our marriage, I looked at his infidelity as his version of addiction.



    01:01:09.315 --> 01:01:14.055


    And I tried to relate to it in that way and understand it that way.



    01:01:14.435 --> 01:01:21.455


    And so I didn't look at the decisions he made as they defined who he was.



    01:01:21.535 --> 01:01:25.775


    I looked at those decisions as that's what he needs to work through,



    01:01:25.895 --> 01:01:27.055


    what he needs to overcome,



    01:01:27.595 --> 01:01:33.975


    what he needs to move past, but he still had this person inside of him that



    01:01:33.975 --> 01:01:37.155


    he wanted to be, which was all of the good things that I saw.



    01:01:37.415 --> 01:01:43.775


    And so it was a period of sadness and depression, but then it also was a feeling



    01:01:43.775 --> 01:01:48.815


    of weightlessness that I no longer had to carry that weight. Yeah.



    01:01:48.995 --> 01:01:52.875


    A total mix of emotions. Yes. Yeah.



    01:01:53.555 --> 01:02:02.475


    But I would almost venture to say maybe for the first time in your life, you felt free? Yes.



    01:02:03.615 --> 01:02:08.235


    Yeah. That's the best way to say it. The first time in my life,



    01:02:08.355 --> 01:02:17.875


    I was no longer running and I was no longer hiding and I felt free. Yeah. Wow.



    01:02:18.615 --> 01:02:26.675


    Here today, I mean, it's not been but four years since then since the time we're recording this.



    01:02:26.975 --> 01:02:33.935


    What brought you to the point that you decided you wanted to write a book,



    01:02:34.075 --> 01:02:35.775


    that you wanted to start coming on podcasts?



    01:02:36.135 --> 01:02:41.215


    What was that decision? Why did you decide that my story should be heard?



    01:02:42.075 --> 01:02:46.755


    Well, at first I started writing the book and I was going to hide it under my bed when I was done.



    01:02:52.635 --> 01:02:58.835


    But then I recognized that my pattern wasn't just running. I thought for a long



    01:02:58.835 --> 01:03:00.135


    time my pattern was running.



    01:03:00.775 --> 01:03:02.535


    But when I recognized that my



    01:03:02.535 --> 01:03:07.455


    pattern when I was writing the book was not just running, it was hiding.



    01:03:07.995 --> 01:03:11.695


    I would hide in the background. I'd be behind the scenes or I didn't want to



    01:03:11.695 --> 01:03:15.355


    be in the spotlight or I would hide to protect or I would pretend I had it all together.



    01:03:15.775 --> 01:03:20.555


    All of those moments of hiding were uncovered while I was writing.



    01:03:21.015 --> 01:03:26.895


    And so I knew that I had to face my fear and I had to I had to publish it.



    01:03:27.615 --> 01:03:36.055


    And that was the first big fear that I overcame. And I had to self-publish it



    01:03:36.055 --> 01:03:39.515


    because I knew that I had to face it alone.



    01:03:40.709 --> 01:03:44.569


    I didn't want a publishing company. I didn't want all these things.



    01:03:44.809 --> 01:03:48.789


    I knew that I had to step out on my own and face my fear.



    01:03:49.029 --> 01:03:51.029


    And that's when I published it.



    01:03:51.309 --> 01:03:57.549


    But what made me realize that I needed to start doing podcasts and start sharing



    01:03:57.549 --> 01:04:06.149


    my story was to also overcome the fear of being exposed, which is what I called my book.



    01:04:06.329 --> 01:04:11.869


    So my book is called Exposed. You can't heal when you hide.



    01:04:12.229 --> 01:04:18.549


    And it goes into much more detail of the moments in my story.



    01:04:18.609 --> 01:04:26.709


    And I clearly articulate not only the way the carpet felt or the things that



    01:04:26.709 --> 01:04:29.889


    I was wearing, but how the room felt and how I was emotionally feeling in that



    01:04:29.889 --> 01:04:32.409


    moment. So you feel like you're in it with me.



    01:04:32.489 --> 01:04:41.629


    And I knew if it took me this much time to finally step out and find the courage to share my story,



    01:04:41.789 --> 01:04:48.389


    that tells me that that is the gift that I need to give someone else is giving



    01:04:48.389 --> 01:04:55.549


    them the encouragement or empowering them to find their own courage and to find



    01:04:55.549 --> 01:04:57.889


    their own voice to share their story.



    01:04:57.889 --> 01:05:00.709


    Yeah, absolutely. I love it.



    01:05:01.329 --> 01:05:06.009


    Where is the best place for somebody to find your book or to just get plugged



    01:05:06.009 --> 01:05:07.429


    into your world altogether?



    01:05:07.969 --> 01:05:14.729


    So they can go directly to my author website at serenamastin.com,



    01:05:14.929 --> 01:05:17.549


    or they can simply go on to Amazon.



    01:05:17.809 --> 01:05:25.069


    I have an Audible version, a Kindle version, and a soft copy of the book as well.



    01:05:25.869 --> 01:05:31.829


    Okay. Okay. Amazing. I will be sure that any of the links and stuff to access



    01:05:31.829 --> 01:05:35.929


    your book to get plugged in will be left in the show notes for easy access.



    01:05:36.309 --> 01:05:40.549


    Thank you. Yeah, I have one last question for you. Of course.



    01:05:41.629 --> 01:05:50.789


    And I would love for you to speak to the woman listening today who's maybe a few steps behind you.



    01:05:51.209 --> 01:05:59.609


    Maybe she's back in a situation, in trauma, when she doesn't feel free. Right.



    01:06:00.127 --> 01:06:05.767


    What would you say to her to encourage her having gone through what you have?



    01:06:06.027 --> 01:06:12.967


    It's such a tough thing when you're in a place where you feel stuck,



    01:06:13.207 --> 01:06:21.207


    that you can't get out, that you've hid for so long that you're terrified to tell your story.



    01:06:21.207 --> 01:06:26.607


    Whether it's the perception of others that are judging you or the opinions of



    01:06:26.607 --> 01:06:32.227


    others or whether you're afraid to lose your home or lose something bigger.



    01:06:32.467 --> 01:06:38.467


    So for the woman who is in a place where they need to get out, I would say prepare.



    01:06:38.907 --> 01:06:43.527


    And what that means to me is I made prepare an acronym.



    01:06:43.807 --> 01:06:51.647


    And it stands for P stands for plan your next steps. R stands for identify resources.



    01:06:52.267 --> 01:06:55.907


    What do you need? Who can help you? Who can you trust?



    01:06:56.387 --> 01:06:59.427


    E is for create an exit strategy.



    01:06:59.807 --> 01:07:04.387


    How do you get out of that situation safely, whether it's yourself or with your



    01:07:04.387 --> 01:07:07.647


    children? The next P is make those preparations.



    01:07:08.427 --> 01:07:14.107


    You already have your plan, but now you need to to put it in place. A is for take action.



    01:07:14.827 --> 01:07:24.107


    Don't allow your fear to cripple you into that moment where you are frozen in fear.



    01:07:24.307 --> 01:07:31.467


    And then R is for release the responsibility. It is no longer your responsibility to own everything.



    01:07:31.947 --> 01:07:36.627


    And E is for evacuate. It's your time to move on.



    01:07:36.727 --> 01:07:41.027


    It's your your time to start investing in you. Wow.



    01:07:42.159 --> 01:07:49.879


    Serena, you are so amazing. Your story is so crazy.



    01:07:50.639 --> 01:07:56.419


    And yet I look at who you are today, sitting here, talking with me,



    01:07:56.499 --> 01:08:03.199


    and I see nothing but this amazing woman of pure just grit and strength.



    01:08:03.619 --> 01:08:10.859


    I just thank you so much for just sharing your story and for letting me get



    01:08:10.859 --> 01:08:18.459


    to meet you and to hear your story of understanding more about who you are. And thank you so much.



    01:08:18.799 --> 01:08:21.499


    I am so honored.



    01:08:22.439 --> 01:08:27.899


    I'm one of your biggest fans, and I am just honored to be here in your presence



    01:08:27.899 --> 01:08:32.539


    and to share my story with those who are ready to hear it.



    01:08:32.899 --> 01:08:39.079


    Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Well, I will turn it over to you listening today.



    01:08:39.459 --> 01:08:44.519


    My hope is always is that this podcast leaves an impact on your life.



    01:08:44.719 --> 01:08:50.159


    I can only imagine that you heard many things that were shared today that can



    01:08:50.159 --> 01:08:51.419


    be an impact on your life.



    01:08:51.559 --> 01:08:58.699


    And so please be sure at this moment to put it into action, to prepare, just as Serena said.



    01:08:59.019 --> 01:09:04.199


    My name is Kevin Lowe. This is Great Grace and Inspiration. I'll see you next time.



    01:09:04.080 --> 01:09:22.768


    Music.


    Comments & Upvotes

Listen On

Also Listen