Show Transcript

00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:06.257

Did you know that research shows that if you wake up in the morning and say

00:00:06.257 --> 00:00:12.317

to yourself that I want to be happy today, that you will become unhappy?

00:00:13.237 --> 00:00:19.557

Yeah, let me say that again. Research shows that if you wake up and say to yourself

00:00:19.557 --> 00:00:24.957

that today I want to be happy, that you will actually become unhappy.

00:00:24.957 --> 00:00:26.697

Happy. The reason for this?

00:00:26.857 --> 00:00:31.997

Well, it's because we've been chasing after this idea of being happy.

00:00:32.337 --> 00:00:36.157

And in reality, it's like trying to catch a shooting star.

00:00:36.657 --> 00:00:42.457

It's just not going to happen. But today, I'm going to share with you a whole

00:00:42.457 --> 00:00:44.277

new way to look at happiness.

00:00:44.737 --> 00:00:51.677

I'm going to break it down into five parts, five easy actions that you can do every day.

00:00:51.837 --> 00:00:54.437

And when repeated, needed, guess what happens?

00:00:54.717 --> 00:00:56.717

You will become happy.

00:00:57.157 --> 00:01:03.357

Today is a masterclass on happiness. Today is episode 289.

00:01:04.557 --> 00:01:08.697

What's up, my friend, and welcome to Grit Graceland Inspiration.

00:01:08.917 --> 00:01:13.837

I am your host, Kevin Lowe. 20 years ago, I awoke from a life-saving surgery

00:01:13.837 --> 00:01:16.537

only to find that I was left completely blind.

00:01:16.817 --> 00:01:21.897

And since that day, I've learned a lot about life, a lot about living, and a lot about myself.

00:01:22.197 --> 00:01:26.017

And here on this podcast, I want to share those insights with you.

00:01:26.137 --> 00:01:29.717

Because friend, if you are still searching for your purpose,

00:01:29.937 --> 00:01:35.417

still trying to understand why, or still left searching for that next right

00:01:35.417 --> 00:01:39.977

path to take, we'll consider this to be your stepping stone to get you from

00:01:39.977 --> 00:01:41.797

where you are to where you want to be.

00:01:42.157 --> 00:01:48.177

As a podcast host, you probably assume that I I also enjoy listening to podcasts

00:01:48.177 --> 00:01:50.157

in addition to recording them.

00:01:50.217 --> 00:01:52.837

And if you thought that, well, you are indeed correct.

00:01:53.357 --> 00:01:59.797

And I was recently listening to one of my go-to podcasts, and that is the Mel Robbins podcast.

00:02:00.457 --> 00:02:07.577

And in this particular episode, she had interviewed the number one expert on happiness.

00:02:07.957 --> 00:02:15.417

His name is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. And the insights that he had to share about happiness,

00:02:15.677 --> 00:02:20.237

they absolutely blew me away to the point that I actually went back,

00:02:20.297 --> 00:02:25.197

re-listened to the entire interview again, but this time I took a bunch of notes

00:02:25.197 --> 00:02:29.757

because, well, I thought to myself, if I'm this blown away,

00:02:30.017 --> 00:02:33.077

then I guarantee my audience would be as well.

00:02:33.417 --> 00:02:39.677

So today I'm going to share some of my biggest takeaways from that interview. you.

00:02:39.877 --> 00:02:43.297

I'm also going to encourage you to go listen to the interview yourself,

00:02:43.417 --> 00:02:48.797

which there will be a link left in today's show notes that will take you directly to that episode.

00:02:50.100 --> 00:02:55.880

But today, we are going to explore what I took away from that episode about

00:02:55.880 --> 00:02:58.260

how you can achieve happiness.

00:03:02.040 --> 00:03:09.280

At the start of today's episode, I gave you this crazy fact that research shows

00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:15.000

that if you wake up and say that you want to be happy, that you'll actually

00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:16.440

end up being unhappy. happen.

00:03:16.760 --> 00:03:21.660

Well, I want to give you an analogy of exactly what this means.

00:03:22.220 --> 00:03:27.400

When you walk outside, it's a sunny day. Are you able to look up at the sun

00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:29.580

and see every detail of it?

00:03:29.860 --> 00:03:34.480

No, you're probably not because, well, if you stare directly at the sun,

00:03:34.620 --> 00:03:36.220

it's going to burn your eyes.

00:03:36.460 --> 00:03:39.260

You're going to be unable to see it.

00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:44.860

But you know how you can see the sunlight? You use a prism And the sunlight

00:03:44.860 --> 00:03:50.600

hitting that prism, it will break the sunlight into all the different colors of the rainbow.

00:03:50.900 --> 00:03:55.420

And that way, you can see the sun just now indirectly.

00:03:56.700 --> 00:04:00.160

Happiness actually works the exact same way.

00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:07.180

One thing that I found very fascinating, before I continue, is the fact that Dr.

00:04:07.360 --> 00:04:15.840

Tal Ben-Shahar, he likes to reference the definition of happiness as stated by Helen Keller.

00:04:16.580 --> 00:04:19.260

And that is that happiness is wholeness.

00:04:20.114 --> 00:04:26.734

So, focusing on this idea of happiness equaling wholeness, we're going to focus

00:04:26.734 --> 00:04:32.114

on five key areas of happiness that make up the acronym SPIRE.

00:04:32.594 --> 00:04:40.854

Now, each letter in the word SPIRE, it is one element that is going to have

00:04:40.854 --> 00:04:42.914

you achieving a life of happiness.

00:04:43.254 --> 00:04:48.914

The first is spiritual wellness. The second is your physical wellness.

00:04:48.914 --> 00:04:51.094

The third is intellectual.

00:04:51.554 --> 00:04:54.834

The fourth is relational well-being.

00:04:55.534 --> 00:05:02.354

And the last is emotional well-being. You could pretty much say that those are

00:05:02.354 --> 00:05:07.294

the metaphorical colors of the rainbow that make up happiness.

00:05:07.694 --> 00:05:14.074

So if you go back to that example of the sun, think of happiness as the sun

00:05:14.074 --> 00:05:18.774

shining light. and you use a prism to break it up into its colors.

00:05:19.054 --> 00:05:23.194

And when it does, it breaks up into those five different elements.

00:05:25.014 --> 00:05:30.974

So I'm about to give you some tactics, some real world examples of what this

00:05:30.974 --> 00:05:32.074

would look like in your life.

00:05:32.494 --> 00:05:37.354

Because again, you're no longer gonna wake up in the morning and say to yourself

00:05:37.354 --> 00:05:41.674

that today I'm going to be happy because we know that doesn't work.

00:05:41.954 --> 00:05:47.574

Research tells us it doesn't work. And you've probably found it doesn't work already in your life.

00:05:47.714 --> 00:05:55.234

But instead, if we wake up and we focus on these five key areas and be sure

00:05:55.234 --> 00:05:59.654

that we achieve each of them each day, lo and behold,

00:06:00.054 --> 00:06:05.894

you'll probably find yourself starting to wake up and imagine that feeling happy.

00:06:06.692 --> 00:06:13.452

For the tactical application of this acronym SPIRE, I want you to think of small

00:06:13.452 --> 00:06:15.692

incremental changes in your day.

00:06:15.832 --> 00:06:21.572

I don't know if you ever read the book Atomic Habits, but that's basically what we're talking about.

00:06:21.732 --> 00:06:26.732

These small little things that by themselves seem totally insignificant,

00:06:26.952 --> 00:06:33.672

but when done together and done over a period of time, the results are magnificent.

00:06:33.672 --> 00:06:38.512

And in this case, the results are you getting to be happy.

00:06:38.952 --> 00:06:44.172

I'm going to give you some guidelines, but the fact is true is I want you to

00:06:44.172 --> 00:06:45.632

experiment with each of them.

00:06:45.792 --> 00:06:51.212

If something you do makes you happier, well, then do more of it.

00:06:51.612 --> 00:06:55.392

I just want you to realize that all these small little changes,

00:06:55.512 --> 00:06:58.572

they can equal a big impact in your life.

00:06:59.392 --> 00:07:06.092

So I said that the first letter INSPIRE stands for spiritual well-being.

00:07:06.312 --> 00:07:09.872

So what does that look like in your day-to-day application?

00:07:10.392 --> 00:07:13.892

It could be as simple as you taking one minute,

00:07:14.672 --> 00:07:21.372

yes, just one minute to meditate, one minute to pray, one minute to do something

00:07:21.372 --> 00:07:27.312

spiritual, something that connects to a source bigger than you.

00:07:27.532 --> 00:07:34.932

Now, I didn't say one hour. I didn't say half the day. No, I just said one single minute.

00:07:36.075 --> 00:07:39.515

Now, the second aspect is physical well-being.

00:07:39.935 --> 00:07:46.215

And if you're thinking that he's telling me I got to go to the gym, no, I'm actually not.

00:07:46.675 --> 00:07:52.335

Because, well, most of us realize that gym memberships are a total waste of

00:07:52.335 --> 00:07:53.795

money because we never go.

00:07:54.355 --> 00:07:59.335

Instead, we're focusing on small actions to equal big results.

00:07:59.335 --> 00:08:02.535

Results so think of how you

00:08:02.535 --> 00:08:06.015

can do a single exercise for

00:08:06.015 --> 00:08:11.755

30 seconds whether it's sit-ups pull-ups jogging up the stairs whatever it is

00:08:11.755 --> 00:08:20.035

do it for 30 seconds that's it now maybe over time you get to where three times

00:08:20.035 --> 00:08:25.375

a day you can do that exercise or a different exercise for just 30 seconds.

00:08:25.555 --> 00:08:31.635

And at the end, well, you've just got an awesome, amazing workout in just three

00:08:31.635 --> 00:08:35.555

sections of your day of 30 seconds each.

00:08:35.915 --> 00:08:39.335

Again, minimal effort is what we're talking about.

00:08:39.635 --> 00:08:46.095

When I talk about intellectual well-being, I am talking about you learning something

00:08:46.095 --> 00:08:47.835

new, expanding your mind.

00:08:48.395 --> 00:08:54.395

So what this could look like is, well, learning something new online or better

00:08:54.395 --> 00:08:57.655

than being online, in my opinion, is talk to somebody.

00:08:58.075 --> 00:08:59.995

Learn more about somebody.

00:09:00.435 --> 00:09:05.015

Somebody who you know knows a lot about a subject. Well, ask them about it.

00:09:05.055 --> 00:09:07.495

If you're interested in it, learn a little more.

00:09:08.035 --> 00:09:10.975

That's what we're talking about with intellectual well-being.

00:09:11.615 --> 00:09:16.955

Because, well, the fact is true. Those who are curious live longer. though.

00:09:17.657 --> 00:09:22.137

Now, relational well-being, that's as simple as a hug.

00:09:22.317 --> 00:09:28.677

Being sure that you tell your family, your spouse, I love you before you walk out the door.

00:09:28.817 --> 00:09:34.077

Or it's maybe you sending your spouse a text message in the middle of the day

00:09:34.077 --> 00:09:36.417

simply to say, I love you.

00:09:36.557 --> 00:09:43.577

And I feel like this relational well-being is so vitally important because studies

00:09:43.577 --> 00:09:48.957

show that the number one predictor of unhappiness is loneliness.

00:09:49.677 --> 00:09:53.257

And well, it kind of makes sense if I think about it.

00:09:53.357 --> 00:09:58.517

So I encourage you to really focus on this relational well-being,

00:09:58.657 --> 00:10:02.617

whether it's with friends, with its family, with your spouse,

00:10:02.917 --> 00:10:06.017

whoever it is, you got to have people in your life.

00:10:06.697 --> 00:10:11.817

Interact with them, be with them. It will make a big difference in the end.

00:10:12.557 --> 00:10:18.277

Here's something else, though, before I move on is when we talk about relational

00:10:18.277 --> 00:10:26.837

well-being, I want you to remember that it's not just being around friends that matters.

00:10:26.917 --> 00:10:30.917

No, it's being present when you are around your friends.

00:10:31.277 --> 00:10:36.977

How many times does it happen that you or somebody you know,

00:10:37.097 --> 00:10:44.217

you guys go out to dinner and somebody, if not everybody, is on their own phone.

00:10:44.477 --> 00:10:48.957

Yeah, they're trying to be part of the conversation, but they're also distracted

00:10:48.957 --> 00:10:51.117

by whatever they're scrolling on their phone with.

00:10:51.777 --> 00:10:56.757

That is not a good practice of relational well-being.

00:10:57.117 --> 00:11:04.877

I encourage you, if that is you, to put away that phone, to not pull it out, to not start scrolling.

00:11:04.877 --> 00:11:11.157

It's become such a ridiculous habit that we all are guilty of that,

00:11:11.237 --> 00:11:16.517

to be quite honest, it's really quite sad and it's really scary how quickly

00:11:16.517 --> 00:11:18.837

we've adopted this horrible habit.

00:11:20.007 --> 00:11:24.027

So I want you to remember, it's all about being present in the moment.

00:11:24.227 --> 00:11:28.187

And that's really the fact about everything we're talking about today,

00:11:28.387 --> 00:11:30.407

is being present in the moment.

00:11:30.647 --> 00:11:35.307

Yeah, it's important to think about tomorrow, to plan for the future,

00:11:35.407 --> 00:11:40.167

but it's even more important for you to be present right now.

00:11:40.767 --> 00:11:47.607

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, he used an amazing example of what this is like when we

00:11:47.607 --> 00:11:49.347

are out and about out with friends,

00:11:49.567 --> 00:11:53.987

talking with them while on our phone, is he said it's basically the equivalent

00:11:53.987 --> 00:11:59.147

of you putting on your favorite song on the radio and you turn it up loud.

00:11:59.487 --> 00:12:05.747

You then put on your second favorite song and you turn it up loud also.

00:12:06.167 --> 00:12:12.167

You now have what were your favorite songs, both playing at the same time,

00:12:12.187 --> 00:12:14.347

which equals horrible noise.

00:12:14.547 --> 00:12:18.447

You can't make out one song from the other and you just want it to stop.

00:12:18.687 --> 00:12:25.907

Well, that's basically what's going on in your mind each time you are not focused on the here and now.

00:12:26.327 --> 00:12:34.627

So use that as a really good visualization of exactly what this looks like going on in your head.

00:12:34.867 --> 00:12:40.287

And if you're like me, the thoughts of two of my favorite songs blaring at the

00:12:40.287 --> 00:12:43.727

same time, that does not sound very appealing.

00:12:44.027 --> 00:12:48.747

The final aspect of Spire is emotional well-being.

00:12:49.287 --> 00:12:53.567

This can look like you being sure that you give gratitude.

00:12:54.307 --> 00:13:00.007

It's amazing to write it down. I encourage you maybe at the end of each day

00:13:00.007 --> 00:13:06.367

to pull out a journal and write down five things that you are grateful for that day.

00:13:06.687 --> 00:13:13.027

I want you to get in the practice of of being true with your emotions,

00:13:13.167 --> 00:13:15.427

with this act of gratitude.

00:13:16.658 --> 00:13:22.438

And what's powerful about writing it down is, well, sometimes it helps to get stuff out of our head.

00:13:22.678 --> 00:13:25.718

Sometimes we hold stuff in without even realizing it.

00:13:25.858 --> 00:13:31.898

And just by being able to release it, you'll already feel so much better.

00:13:32.358 --> 00:13:38.778

All of those different activities are what he referred to as MVI,

00:13:38.918 --> 00:13:40.958

minimal viable intervention.

00:13:40.958 --> 00:13:44.678

Intervention what is the minimal thing

00:13:44.678 --> 00:13:50.618

that you have to do that's going to make an impact it's mvi what can you do

00:13:50.618 --> 00:13:56.278

for each of those elements each day that are going to end up making a difference

00:13:56.278 --> 00:14:04.478

in your life now i'm going to switch to a real life example because in the interview,

00:14:04.978 --> 00:14:06.958

Mel Robbins asked Dr.

00:14:07.238 --> 00:14:12.398

Tal Ben-Shahar to explain what exactly this looks like in real life application.

00:14:12.798 --> 00:14:15.738

What does his life look like on a day-to-day basis?

00:14:16.478 --> 00:14:23.478

And what he said is really shocking because what he said is nothing life shattering.

00:14:23.598 --> 00:14:27.238

It's not something like, oh my gosh, yes, that's what I need to be doing.

00:14:27.558 --> 00:14:31.638

It's just simple actions. It's the minimal viable intervention.

00:14:31.638 --> 00:14:38.178

Intervention his day-to-day routine well it starts by him meditating when he

00:14:38.178 --> 00:14:41.598

first wakes up that checks off the box of spiritual.

00:14:42.612 --> 00:14:47.732

Then, well, he reads quality stuff. He picks up a good book that he's loved.

00:14:48.012 --> 00:14:50.492

He's learning. He's expanding his mind.

00:14:50.892 --> 00:14:55.752

He then, well, he does real world stuff like taking the kids to school.

00:14:56.372 --> 00:15:00.632

One thing that I thought was amazing is he said on the way to school,

00:15:00.792 --> 00:15:05.672

he always gives his kids one message for the day, one thought,

00:15:05.772 --> 00:15:08.612

one thing that they could do that day that

00:15:08.832 --> 00:15:14.072

can make a difference in both their day and the day of another student.

00:15:14.412 --> 00:15:19.712

I thought this was such an amazing thing to do with your kids.

00:15:20.512 --> 00:15:25.352

Is using that time on the way to school to kind of give them a pep talk for

00:15:25.352 --> 00:15:30.412

the day, to cheer them up, to lift their spirits, and to get them thinking of

00:15:30.412 --> 00:15:33.352

how they can make a difference, not just in their own life,

00:15:33.472 --> 00:15:35.812

but in the life of other students.

00:15:36.552 --> 00:15:40.912

Then after dropping his kids off, well, he goes home and goes to work,

00:15:41.032 --> 00:15:43.812

just like many of you do as well.

00:15:43.992 --> 00:15:47.512

Whether you're working from home or working in an office, you drop the kids

00:15:47.512 --> 00:15:49.832

off at school and then, well, you go to work.

00:15:50.152 --> 00:15:56.472

On his lunch break, he goes to lunch with his wife. The relational well-being, check, check, check.

00:15:57.192 --> 00:16:03.272

How many times do you make an extra effort to go meet your husband,

00:16:03.432 --> 00:16:05.472

your wife, your best friend for lunch?

00:16:05.812 --> 00:16:10.132

If you haven't done it in a while, well, I encourage you to do it,

00:16:10.132 --> 00:16:16.892

to give the week a little extra spark, a little extra bit of being with the

00:16:16.892 --> 00:16:20.252

people we love, because that's what matters so much.

00:16:21.169 --> 00:16:26.649

He then finishes off with checking off the box of that physical well-being by

00:16:26.649 --> 00:16:28.729

doing some yoga in the afternoon.

00:16:29.049 --> 00:16:33.749

What I thought was powerful is the fact that Mel Robbins explained,

00:16:34.069 --> 00:16:39.989

wow, that seems very normal, just like a normal life. And that is true.

00:16:40.249 --> 00:16:46.769

And that is the power of his teachings, is that this doesn't have to be some

00:16:46.769 --> 00:16:48.629

radical change in your life.

00:16:48.629 --> 00:16:51.589

It's just giving focus to each

00:16:51.589 --> 00:16:54.809

of these five areas and you know what when

00:16:54.809 --> 00:16:57.949

you think about it when you hear about his day-to-day schedule

00:16:57.949 --> 00:17:02.269

doesn't it sound like a happy life that's

00:17:02.269 --> 00:17:07.449

what we're trying to achieve here to begin with the last note that i want to

00:17:07.449 --> 00:17:13.589

share with you is in relation to this whole idea of chasing after happiness

00:17:13.589 --> 00:17:20.489

of putting in the work of doing the the things of not just trying to focus on being happy, but no,

00:17:20.609 --> 00:17:23.729

focusing on these five key areas of happiness.

00:17:24.609 --> 00:17:29.269

Remember, the acronym ASPIRE, spiritual, physical, intellectual,

00:17:29.749 --> 00:17:31.989

relational, and emotional well-being.

00:17:32.189 --> 00:17:38.389

You focus on those key areas and your life is going to end up looking like Dr.

00:17:38.609 --> 00:17:41.389

Tal Ben-Shahar, just a happy life.

00:17:41.749 --> 00:17:46.829

And isn't that why we started listening to this episode in the first place.

00:17:47.329 --> 00:17:52.609

And I'll end with this. It's so important when we're talking about these little

00:17:52.609 --> 00:17:59.749

acts to not do what you feel like doing, but to do what you know is going to make a difference.

00:18:00.878 --> 00:18:06.218

Because what is so important is what we do rather than what we feel like doing.

00:18:06.398 --> 00:18:12.118

If we rely on us feeling like doing all these small little acts,

00:18:12.238 --> 00:18:13.558

well, we're going to fail.

00:18:13.858 --> 00:18:18.778

But instead, sometimes you just got to do it. What I told you today,

00:18:18.978 --> 00:18:21.118

I don't think is too much to ask.

00:18:21.378 --> 00:18:27.858

I don't think that any of these five different activities are that massive that

00:18:27.858 --> 00:18:32.918

you have to think to yourself. nope, can't do it. I got too much going on in my life.

00:18:33.098 --> 00:18:36.578

No, we're talking about a minute of meditation.

00:18:36.838 --> 00:18:38.978

We're talking about 30 seconds of exercise.

00:18:39.578 --> 00:18:45.798

We're talking about little things here and there throughout the day to equal happiness.

00:18:46.358 --> 00:18:51.558

My friend, my whole goal with this podcast is to inspire you,

00:18:51.598 --> 00:18:58.898

to empower you, and hopefully to give you some tips to make life a little bit better.

00:18:59.118 --> 00:19:04.438

In today's episode, well, the goal here is to hopefully give you a whole new

00:19:04.438 --> 00:19:05.638

way of looking at happiness.

00:19:06.118 --> 00:19:12.958

And the hope is that, well, by listening, you will indeed become a little bit happier.

00:19:13.798 --> 00:19:18.018

I'm Kevin Lowe. This is Great Grace and Inspiration. If you've enjoyed today's

00:19:18.018 --> 00:19:21.318

episode, I would love it if you would share it with a friend.

00:19:21.978 --> 00:19:27.678

Maybe there's somebody else who you know they could really use to hear this

00:19:27.678 --> 00:19:29.978

information all about happiness.

00:19:30.718 --> 00:19:34.678

Share today's episode with them. And that would be the biggest gift you could

00:19:34.678 --> 00:19:37.518

give me for this podcast, because

00:19:37.518 --> 00:19:42.058

I want this podcast to reach the ears of people all over this world.

00:19:42.218 --> 00:19:48.498

Get out there, get to practicing this idea of Spire, and I will see you next time.

00:19:48.400 --> 00:20:07.171

Mus.