Are you ready to dive into a story that twists the fabric of family ties and personal truth? What does it take to stand boldly in your identity, especially when it's at odds with those you love?

This isn't just another coming out story; it's a saga of courage, confrontation, and the complex dance of family dynamics.

Who Is This Best For?

Perfect for anyone wrestling with their identity or seeking inspiration on how to handle difficult family conversations with grace and audacity. This episode promises to be as enlightening as it is enthralling, offering you the roadmap to navigating the rough waters of acceptance and self-realization.

What's It All About?

Join your host, Kevin Lowe, for a fabulous ride with John Neral as he recounts his vibrant and poignant journey of coming out as gay within a staunchly conservative family. From explosive revelations to heartfelt reconciliations, John's story isn't just about surviving; it's about thriving against the odds. His narrative is packed with sharp wit, raw emotion, and triumphant moments that celebrate the human spirit in all its colors.


Key Takeaways:

  • Master the art of conversation that turns conflict into compassion.
  • Discover the power of self-acceptance and its transformative impact on personal and family relationships.
  • Learn how to build and leverage a support network that sees you through life's toughest challenges.


LINKS & RESOURCES


BE IN THE KNOW!

CLICK HERE to Get on The OFFICIAL Email List for the Podcast!


Hey, it's Kevin!


I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!


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  • Show Notes

    Are you ready to dive into a story that twists the fabric of family ties and personal truth? What does it take to stand boldly in your identity, especially when it's at odds with those you love?

    This isn't just another coming out story; it's a saga of courage, confrontation, and the complex dance of family dynamics.

    Who Is This Best For?

    Perfect for anyone wrestling with their identity or seeking inspiration on how to handle difficult family conversations with grace and audacity. This episode promises to be as enlightening as it is enthralling, offering you the roadmap to navigating the rough waters of acceptance and self-realization.

    What's It All About?

    Join your host, Kevin Lowe, for a fabulous ride with John Neral as he recounts his vibrant and poignant journey of coming out as gay within a staunchly conservative family. From explosive revelations to heartfelt reconciliations, John's story isn't just about surviving; it's about thriving against the odds. His narrative is packed with sharp wit, raw emotion, and triumphant moments that celebrate the human spirit in all its colors.


    Key Takeaways:

    • Master the art of conversation that turns conflict into compassion.
    • Discover the power of self-acceptance and its transformative impact on personal and family relationships.
    • Learn how to build and leverage a support network that sees you through life's toughest challenges.


    LINKS & RESOURCES


    BE IN THE KNOW!

    CLICK HERE to Get on The OFFICIAL Email List for the Podcast!


    Hey, it's Kevin!


    I hope you enjoyed today's episode! If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to reach out. Below, you will find ALL the places and ALL the ways to connect!




    Stay Awesome! Live Inspired!

    © 2024 Grit, Grace, & Inspiration

    Show Transcript

    Are you wondering if today's episode is really for you? Well,



    00:00:04.757 --> 00:00:07.777


    I'm going to make it really easy. I got three criteria.



    00:00:08.417 --> 00:00:13.317


    First, are you human? Second, do you have a family?



    00:00:14.037 --> 00:00:17.877


    And three, have you ever gotten in an argument, a disagreement,



    00:00:18.157 --> 00:00:21.397


    had a rift in the family that has caused a little bit of drama?



    00:00:21.797 --> 00:00:27.977


    If you checked those three boxes, then yes, today's episode is indeed for you.



    00:00:27.977 --> 00:00:35.297


    When I sat down to interview today's guest, John Nero, I thought it was a coming out story.



    00:00:35.557 --> 00:00:40.037


    It took him 18 years to come out to his parents that he was gay.



    00:00:40.237 --> 00:00:45.497


    And I thought that was the highlight of this interview.



    00:00:45.697 --> 00:00:48.157


    But the fact is true that it wasn't.



    00:00:48.677 --> 00:00:54.257


    The highlight is what comes next. It is mending of relationships.



    00:00:54.497 --> 00:01:02.897


    It's bringing a family back together. It is him trying to show you what it means to be a family.



    00:01:03.177 --> 00:01:07.997


    You might argue, you might say some things that you wish you didn't,



    00:01:08.097 --> 00:01:14.157


    but the fact is true, it is a relationship and sometimes it takes a little bit of work.



    00:01:14.417 --> 00:01:22.177


    My hope in you hearing John's story is, well, that it might be that spark to



    00:01:22.177 --> 00:01:25.517


    inspire you to maybe reach out to your family.



    00:01:25.517 --> 00:01:27.817


    Maybe there's been a rift for



    00:01:27.817 --> 00:01:32.377


    way too long, and I'm here to tell you that this life is way too short.



    00:01:32.497 --> 00:01:34.857


    In our family, they mean everything.



    00:01:35.317 --> 00:01:41.317


    So if you have a rift in your family with a family member, I hope that today's



    00:01:41.317 --> 00:01:46.757


    episode not only inspires you, but also gives you the tools to reach out to



    00:01:46.757 --> 00:01:50.177


    that person and to start to mend those broken fences.



    00:01:50.717 --> 00:01:57.017


    Today is episode 286. Today is my interview with John Darrell.



    00:01:59.184 --> 00:02:03.164


    What's up, my friend, and welcome to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.



    00:02:03.344 --> 00:02:04.924


    I am your host, Kevin Lowe.



    00:02:05.124 --> 00:02:11.004


    20 years ago, I awoke from a life-saving surgery only to find that I was left completely blind.



    00:02:11.244 --> 00:02:16.344


    And since that day, I've learned a lot about life, a lot about living, and a lot about myself.



    00:02:16.664 --> 00:02:20.444


    And here on this podcast, I want to share those insights with you.



    00:02:20.604 --> 00:02:24.164


    Because friend, if you are still searching for your purpose,



    00:02:24.384 --> 00:02:29.864


    still trying to understand why, or still left searching for that next right



    00:02:29.864 --> 00:02:34.404


    path to take, we'll consider this to be your stepping stone to get you from



    00:02:34.404 --> 00:02:36.224


    where you are to where you want to be.



    00:02:37.484 --> 00:02:44.364


    Today's prayer request comes from a woman who you will actually be hearing from later this summer.



    00:02:44.444 --> 00:02:46.384


    Her name is Dr. Robin Hall.



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    I just had the pleasure of speaking with her the other day about being a guest here on the podcast.



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    And while we were talking, she mentioned her friend, Julie. Julie and her friend



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    has been suffering from brain cancer.



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    And so I wanted today to ask you to help me in praying for Julie to,



    00:03:06.284 --> 00:03:10.144


    of course, pray for healing, but also for comfort and peace,



    00:03:10.344 --> 00:03:13.364


    both for her and for her friends and family.



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    Again, her name is Julie, and it would be amazing if you could help me in praying for her today.



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    And remember, if you have something that you would love to have some others



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    helping you in praying for, well, send it to me via text message to 877-749-8178.



    00:03:34.304 --> 00:03:38.704


    That's right. You can send your prayer request to be featured on an upcoming



    00:03:38.704 --> 00:03:46.384


    episode of the podcast as a text message to 877-749-8178.



    00:03:47.589 --> 00:03:51.929


    As you listen to today's interview with John Nero, as I said in the intro,



    00:03:52.069 --> 00:03:56.629


    he's going to give you some really amazing techniques that he's learned in his



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    own life that are going to help you with your relationships.



    00:04:00.809 --> 00:04:05.829


    But one thing he didn't mention is something that I want to tell you is that



    00:04:05.829 --> 00:04:08.189


    if you have a rift in the family,



    00:04:08.349 --> 00:04:16.329


    what better way to reach out to that person than by giving them a gift from MyPillow. Absolutely.



    00:04:16.729 --> 00:04:21.449


    And here is the cool thing. They are going to think that, oh my gosh,



    00:04:21.609 --> 00:04:23.789


    they just spent this kind of money on me.



    00:04:23.969 --> 00:04:28.909


    But they didn't know that you had promo code Kevin, and that got you access



    00:04:28.909 --> 00:04:31.469


    to the $25 extravaganza.



    00:04:31.669 --> 00:04:36.829


    Yes, some of their very best products are on sale for only $25.



    00:04:37.689 --> 00:04:43.329


    All you have to do is use promo code Kevin. when shopping at MyPillow.com to



    00:04:43.329 --> 00:04:45.909


    get access to those amazing deals.



    00:04:46.449 --> 00:04:50.449


    So with that, it's time for you to get shopping, fixing some relationships,



    00:04:50.709 --> 00:04:54.129


    and having everybody sleeping a little bit better.



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    I had a great childhood. I mean, we never wanted for anything in that regard.



    00:05:00.409 --> 00:05:05.229


    I grew up along the Jersey Shore, a couple blocks away from the ocean,



    00:05:05.289 --> 00:05:07.229


    which was a great place to grow up.



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    And not like the MTV Jersey Shore, but a little different than that.



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    I have two older sisters.



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    My parents had me a little bit later in their life.



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    So my mom was three weeks before her 43rd birthday when she had me.



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    I was definitely a change of life baby for both of them.



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    And yeah, it was just I grew up in a very staunch Catholic household.



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    Religion was very important growing up. I had an uncle who was a Catholic priest.



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    East. He was my mom's brother who had a very predominant presence in the family, I'll say.



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    You know, it was just, it was, it was a really good childhood overall. I have no complaints.



    00:05:47.917 --> 00:05:52.717


    Yeah. Well, that's great. Now your sisters, how much older were both of your sisters?



    00:05:53.057 --> 00:05:57.737


    So I have one sister who is 18 years older than me and I have another sister



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    who is 10 years older than me.



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    And so as a point of reference, I'm 55.



    00:06:03.817 --> 00:06:11.277


    Yes. Okay. Well, now with such a massive gap growing up, did you get to really



    00:06:11.277 --> 00:06:16.817


    spend much time with either of them and really get to know them as a kid or not really?



    00:06:17.157 --> 00:06:23.617


    Not really. So my oldest sister, I was four when she got married.



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    And so while I remember growing up, it was oftentimes it was her and her husband.



    00:06:31.137 --> 00:06:37.277


    For my other sister, who's 10 years older than me, she was the one I was closer



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    to in that I would always ask things like, can we have some time?



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    Like, can I have some time? I want to play.



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    And for her as a teenager, having to deal with a brother who was 10 years younger



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    than her and probably being a pest most of the time, she had her own friends



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    and she had her own life that she was wanting to lead.



    00:06:57.277 --> 00:07:05.197


    So yeah, there was time, but it wasn't a really close or proximal sibling type relationship.



    00:07:05.981 --> 00:07:11.741


    Okay. Okay. Understandable. That's kind of what I expected you to say with the



    00:07:11.741 --> 00:07:15.261


    large gap in years. It only kind of makes sense.



    00:07:15.581 --> 00:07:19.801


    Moving right along in your story, talk to me about 10 years old,



    00:07:19.861 --> 00:07:23.641


    because I read something that just absolutely made me crack up.



    00:07:23.721 --> 00:07:28.261


    And I would love for you to share this story about being 10. him. Yeah, absolutely.



    00:07:28.681 --> 00:07:31.421


    So the year is 1979.



    00:07:32.141 --> 00:07:37.621


    And again, I grew up in a very staunch Catholic household and things happened.



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    And I can't tell this story without acknowledging an event that happened to



    00:07:42.761 --> 00:07:47.441


    my sister who was 10 years older than me. She was 18 and she got pregnant.



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    And I will share with you, Kevin, as well as everybody who's listening that



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    in my opinion and in my perspective, nobody handled it well.



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    And of course, how could they, right? This was something which we didn't hear



    00:08:02.681 --> 00:08:06.101


    a lot of, and it was often swept under the rug.



    00:08:06.281 --> 00:08:12.441


    And there was shame and embarrassment and anger and frustration and all of those kinds of things.



    00:08:12.641 --> 00:08:20.641


    And that's the relationship that my parents and my sister had to deal with.



    00:08:20.781 --> 00:08:23.801


    I, on the other hand, Kevin, was collateral damage.



    00:08:26.761 --> 00:08:32.661


    And I say that because when my sister broke the news to my parents,



    00:08:32.921 --> 00:08:38.281


    and we had a two-story house, and I was upstairs looking through the spindles



    00:08:38.281 --> 00:08:43.181


    and the railing trying to see what was going on, there was a lot of yelling,



    00:08:43.321 --> 00:08:44.501


    there was a lot of screaming,



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    there was a lot of crying, and then there was a door slam.



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    And my sister had left.



    00:08:51.001 --> 00:08:55.521


    And my mom called me downstairs and she sat me on her lap.



    00:08:55.641 --> 00:09:02.001


    And with tears in her eyes, she looked at me and she said, what your sister did was very bad.



    00:09:02.261 --> 00:09:05.681


    And if you ever go to bed with a woman before you're married,



    00:09:05.861 --> 00:09:07.981


    I hope you see my face instead of hers.



    00:09:10.201 --> 00:09:18.141


    Oh, no. Yeah. Let that one sit in. Let that sink in for a moment, everybody.



    00:09:19.741 --> 00:09:26.341


    Wow. Yeah. So, you know, so when you're 10 and you want to be a good son and



    00:09:26.341 --> 00:09:31.041


    you realize there's been a lot of upset and a lot of crying and you,



    00:09:31.121 --> 00:09:33.301


    you know, you just, you know, I'm like, okay. Yeah.



    00:09:34.491 --> 00:09:38.211


    Can I go back and watch TV? Like, all right. Like, I don't want to make my mom



    00:09:38.211 --> 00:09:39.791


    more upset than what she already is.



    00:09:40.531 --> 00:09:46.851


    But it opens up the bigger question, which was at 10 years old,



    00:09:47.091 --> 00:09:50.731


    did I really know that I was gay? Yes.



    00:09:51.491 --> 00:09:59.691


    And it wasn't until 16 years after that day or that year when I was 26 that



    00:09:59.691 --> 00:10:05.611


    I had finally uttered the words to some good friends of mine and said, I think I'm gay.



    00:10:06.051 --> 00:10:10.971


    And it wasn't until I was 28 when I came out to my parents.



    00:10:11.411 --> 00:10:18.411


    And that is a whole nother chapter in this story, which I'm sure we'll get to as well.



    00:10:19.111 --> 00:10:27.991


    Yeah. Wow, wow, wow. So, yes, what your mother said is terrifying to anybody, no doubt.



    00:10:28.151 --> 00:10:32.471


    Oh, my gosh. gosh, that is just, that is such a thing that like a mother would



    00:10:32.471 --> 00:10:37.311


    say in the heat of the moment, like that just literally can torture you for



    00:10:37.311 --> 00:10:40.211


    the rest of your life. Yeah, absolutely.



    00:10:40.491 --> 00:10:48.331


    Right. And you think about her upset and her grief and her desire to control,



    00:10:48.591 --> 00:10:54.691


    like this, this is what she thought was, you know, she was doing to keep me



    00:10:54.691 --> 00:10:56.551


    on the quote, quote unquote, right path.



    00:10:56.991 --> 00:11:02.271


    And Kevin, where it became a source of contention for us was that,



    00:11:02.971 --> 00:11:06.571


    you know, I dated a little bit when I was in high school and college,



    00:11:06.771 --> 00:11:10.751


    but it never went anywhere, right? And to clarify, I dated women.



    00:11:11.631 --> 00:11:15.731


    And of course, you know, the biggest fear is, oh my gosh, if I get one of them



    00:11:15.731 --> 00:11:19.651


    pregnant, I'm going to kill my parents kind of a thing, with all that upset.



    00:11:20.171 --> 00:11:24.371


    But my mom would joke about it with her friends and they'd be like,



    00:11:24.371 --> 00:11:27.411


    Like, oh, well, how'd you keep John to be such a good kid?



    00:11:27.711 --> 00:11:31.911


    And how did you raise John? And my mother would joke about that day and said,



    00:11:32.011 --> 00:11:35.131


    oh yeah, well, I just told him if he ever goes to bed with a woman before he's



    00:11:35.131 --> 00:11:37.071


    married, I hope he sees my face instead of hers.



    00:11:37.691 --> 00:11:43.011


    And I was 18 and my parents were hosting this party. We had a lot of people over the house, Kevin.



    00:11:43.491 --> 00:11:48.351


    And she told this joke and I was so mad and I was so upset and I leaned into



    00:11:48.351 --> 00:11:52.651


    the group and I went, mama said nothing about going to bed with a man.



    00:11:55.091 --> 00:12:00.331


    And holy crap, did I get it after everybody left.



    00:12:00.491 --> 00:12:03.491


    She was mad at me. You don't say those kind of things.



    00:12:03.891 --> 00:12:07.751


    That's not funny. And I said, right, it's not funny.



    00:12:08.371 --> 00:12:10.271


    The joke needs to stop.



    00:12:11.051 --> 00:12:16.011


    And I was trying to like test waters to see if there was any way...



    00:12:17.207 --> 00:12:21.647


    That there might be a change in thinking because I knew how my parents,



    00:12:21.887 --> 00:12:26.547


    I knew what they believed and I knew what they felt about gay people in general.



    00:12:26.907 --> 00:12:31.547


    And so I was looking for an avenue to find some kind of acceptance.



    00:12:31.647 --> 00:12:36.967


    And when I wasn't getting it, it just pushed me further and further back into the closet.



    00:12:37.527 --> 00:12:44.407


    Yeah. Was there a point, was there an age range when you finally understood



    00:12:44.407 --> 00:12:48.607


    the feelings that you had that you realized I am gay?



    00:12:49.107 --> 00:12:56.827


    I remember praying before my 16th birthday for God to make me straight.



    00:12:57.407 --> 00:13:00.947


    And, and part of that prayer was like to make the thoughts go away.



    00:13:01.307 --> 00:13:03.867


    Yes. And the 16th birthday came and it didn't.



    00:13:05.247 --> 00:13:08.287


    And so i was like all right you know and i remember



    00:13:08.287 --> 00:13:11.007


    i was in i was in my



    00:13:11.007 --> 00:13:14.867


    mid-20s it was the last woman i had dated and



    00:13:14.867 --> 00:13:21.107


    we had like gone out and it was like some kind of like pumpkin picking patch



    00:13:21.107 --> 00:13:24.927


    thing or whatever you know and you get the apple cider donuts or the pumpkin



    00:13:24.927 --> 00:13:30.667


    donuts or whatever and stuff and and i remember like brought her back to her



    00:13:30.667 --> 00:13:34.627


    house walked her to the door because all the things you're supposed to do kind of thing.



    00:13:34.767 --> 00:13:42.207


    And I drove home in tears because I couldn't, you know, I couldn't lead her on.



    00:13:42.327 --> 00:13:45.287


    My thoughts weren't, you know, with her.



    00:13:45.467 --> 00:13:51.747


    I certainly felt like I was at a point where I needed to truly acknowledge who



    00:13:51.747 --> 00:13:58.007


    I am and who I was attracted to because I had never acted on anything at this point.



    00:13:58.927 --> 00:14:02.687


    And I thought, oh my gosh, I'm lying to myself here.



    00:14:02.947 --> 00:14:09.467


    And I remember driving home in tears, thinking like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do?



    00:14:10.285 --> 00:14:15.265


    Hmm. Wow. And you were how old when that happened?



    00:14:16.005 --> 00:14:19.305


    24, 25. Okay. Okay.



    00:14:19.545 --> 00:14:24.105


    Had you been living away from home for a while at that point?



    00:14:24.105 --> 00:14:31.265


    So after I finished my undergraduate work, I had lived away from home for a couple of years.



    00:14:31.345 --> 00:14:39.365


    And then I moved back home to pursue a master's degree in teaching along with



    00:14:39.365 --> 00:14:44.225


    a mathematics minor, because I spent 14 years of my life as a mathematics teacher.



    00:14:44.225 --> 00:14:50.245


    So I had moved back home because my parents and my uncle made me this incredible



    00:14:50.245 --> 00:14:51.845


    offer I could not refuse,



    00:14:52.065 --> 00:14:56.765


    which was take two years off, go to school full time, we'll pay for it,



    00:14:56.785 --> 00:15:01.025


    and get your degree and get your career on the right path.



    00:15:01.285 --> 00:15:05.865


    And I was and will always be extremely grateful for that opportunity because



    00:15:05.865 --> 00:15:13.285


    it definitely set my career in motion after I had achieved those degrees. Yeah, absolutely.



    00:15:14.305 --> 00:15:21.085


    So walk me through then as we're kind of skipping along in this story,



    00:15:21.285 --> 00:15:28.825


    when you finally did decide to tell your parents and I guess I even preface



    00:15:28.825 --> 00:15:34.285


    that question by asking what led you to finally tell your parents? Yeah.



    00:15:35.025 --> 00:15:39.985


    So I'll back skip a little bit here for us to really share just a monumental point.



    00:15:40.085 --> 00:15:46.225


    There were a couple of friends of mine who were extremely supportive and very encouraging.



    00:15:46.385 --> 00:15:50.245


    They were a married couple, husband and wife. They had three kids.



    00:15:50.365 --> 00:15:54.465


    We used to hang out at their house a lot. We knew each other through some common



    00:15:54.465 --> 00:15:59.525


    activities and stuff. And I looked at my friend Donna one night and I said,



    00:15:59.665 --> 00:16:03.545


    I'm going to disappoint my parents bigger than my sister ever did.



    00:16:03.925 --> 00:16:08.365


    And she's like, John, you're like the perfect kid. Like, what could you possibly



    00:16:08.365 --> 00:16:10.965


    do that would disappoint them?



    00:16:11.205 --> 00:16:14.365


    And I looked at her and I said, I think I'm gay.



    00:16:15.585 --> 00:16:20.025


    And she looked at me and she goes, I thought you knew.



    00:16:21.385 --> 00:16:25.825


    And I was like, huh? And she goes, I just didn't think you told us.



    00:16:25.885 --> 00:16:31.705


    And at that point, Kevin, and this is where, when we think about grace and empathy



    00:16:31.705 --> 00:16:36.245


    and kindness, she stopped herself. And she was like.



    00:16:37.166 --> 00:16:43.426


    Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, come here. And she gave me this big hug and she's



    00:16:43.426 --> 00:16:47.466


    like, how do we be a great friend for you? Oh, wow. And yeah.



    00:16:47.926 --> 00:16:54.686


    And so what they ended up doing for me, and this is when we think about why



    00:16:54.686 --> 00:16:57.266


    allyship is so important.



    00:16:57.726 --> 00:17:02.026


    What they ended up doing for me because they loved me and they were friends



    00:17:02.026 --> 00:17:04.546


    of mine, they found a group.



    00:17:04.886 --> 00:17:08.946


    They found a support group about an hour north of where they lived.



    00:17:09.146 --> 00:17:12.946


    And they're like, let's get you some help. Let's get you some resources about



    00:17:12.946 --> 00:17:15.746


    if you decide to come out and what this is going to be like.



    00:17:16.526 --> 00:17:22.326


    And it was every Monday night at like seven o'clock. And I would go over to their house for dinner.



    00:17:22.786 --> 00:17:26.246


    And then the story I was telling was like, go over to the house for dinner.



    00:17:26.306 --> 00:17:27.206


    We're going to play some games.



    00:17:27.606 --> 00:17:30.126


    Well, it was like, go over to of their house, hop in the car,



    00:17:30.226 --> 00:17:33.206


    drive an hour north, go to this meeting for an hour and a half.



    00:17:33.386 --> 00:17:42.746


    And I got to meet other gay people and people who were very much like me and not like me in some ways.



    00:17:42.886 --> 00:17:47.366


    But I got to kind of understand what their coming out stories were like.



    00:17:47.526 --> 00:17:51.206


    In the process of being in that group, I met someone.



    00:17:51.486 --> 00:17:58.026


    And I will tell you, he was the third man I ever dated. And the other two,



    00:17:58.146 --> 00:17:59.166


    I didn't date for that long.



    00:18:06.146 --> 00:18:09.226


    Enough said, enough said. We've all been there. We've all been there.



    00:18:09.226 --> 00:18:11.066


    We all can relate, right? Doesn't matter whether you're gay,



    00:18:11.106 --> 00:18:12.986


    straight, whatever. Like we all have those people.



    00:18:15.246 --> 00:18:22.146


    So I meet this guy and we start dating. and I realized that we have a relationship



    00:18:22.146 --> 00:18:29.826


    and had dated him for about a year, maybe a little over a year.



    00:18:30.006 --> 00:18:34.526


    I had finished my graduate work. I had started a teaching position.



    00:18:35.286 --> 00:18:38.666


    It was the summer after that first year. I remember the date.



    00:18:38.746 --> 00:18:47.366


    It was July 10th, 1997 was the day I came out to my parents. and I.



    00:18:49.247 --> 00:18:59.567


    Knew in my heart that this was something I needed to do because I didn't want to lie to them anymore.



    00:19:00.127 --> 00:19:04.927


    And I figured they would probably be upset.



    00:19:05.087 --> 00:19:09.827


    I figured they would probably be angry and disappointed, but I didn't think



    00:19:09.827 --> 00:19:18.547


    they would cut me off given the way things had gone down with my sister. Yes. Wrong.



    00:19:19.787 --> 00:19:27.287


    I told my folks and I remember telling them and my mom started filling in the



    00:19:27.287 --> 00:19:32.967


    blanks and there was a lot of upset and a lot of tears.



    00:19:33.687 --> 00:19:39.667


    But here's where it was so important for me, Kevin, to show up in this way,



    00:19:39.747 --> 00:19:47.167


    because one of the things I promised myself, and this was with the help of a really great therapist,



    00:19:47.987 --> 00:19:53.847


    was that I would never say or do anything that I would regret because God forbid,



    00:19:53.907 --> 00:19:55.747


    this was the last time I saw my parents.



    00:19:56.167 --> 00:19:59.607


    I wanted to make sure that I never did or said anything I regretted.



    00:20:00.107 --> 00:20:05.487


    And so the last words I would always say to my parents was, I love you.



    00:20:06.427 --> 00:20:09.167


    Didn't expect them to say it back, but it was, I love you.



    00:20:09.547 --> 00:20:16.727


    And as you can imagine, there were some conversations and there were conversations



    00:20:16.727 --> 00:20:22.247


    around, this is a phase, you can't do this, who recruited you?



    00:20:22.987 --> 00:20:25.447


    I had to explain to them, nobody got a toaster on my behalf.



    00:20:26.227 --> 00:20:31.827


    And ultimately, it came down to an intervention.



    00:20:33.747 --> 00:20:41.927


    And if you've ever seen movies from like the late 1990s and the 2000s about interventions,



    00:20:41.927 --> 00:20:44.687


    interventions it pretty much played out that kind of way it



    00:20:44.687 --> 00:20:51.607


    does make for a good lifetime movie in that regard but you



    00:20:51.607 --> 00:20:54.887


    know i was still i was partnered with this



    00:20:54.887 --> 00:21:00.547


    person and had no intention of of leaving him at the time you know my mom my



    00:21:00.547 --> 00:21:07.047


    dad my oldest sister my uncle the priest were all in the room and my mom looked



    00:21:07.047 --> 00:21:09.847


    at me and she says you're going to need to make a decision it's either either



    00:21:09.847 --> 00:21:13.187


    us or him, because I can't keep living like this anymore.



    00:21:13.647 --> 00:21:17.307


    And that was probably one of the hardest days of my life.



    00:21:18.847 --> 00:21:25.167


    Wow. Wow. That is, I don't care what the situation is.



    00:21:25.967 --> 00:21:28.727


    That's a horrible thing to be faced with.



    00:21:29.887 --> 00:21:34.387


    Yeah. Ultimatums are done for very specific reasons.



    00:21:34.747 --> 00:21:38.887


    And as I've learned, learned my mom did what she felt was best.



    00:21:39.387 --> 00:21:46.167


    I don't fault her for that. I will never fault her for that because she did what she felt was best.



    00:21:47.591 --> 00:21:49.771


    Here's where it gets interesting.



    00:21:52.331 --> 00:21:57.551


    You ready? I'm ready. I'm ready. So here's where it gets even more interesting.



    00:21:57.951 --> 00:22:00.651


    So I'm essentially kicked out of the family.



    00:22:01.391 --> 00:22:06.471


    I had conversations with all four of them. Certainly couldn't debate Catholic



    00:22:06.471 --> 00:22:08.151


    theology and beliefs with any



    00:22:08.151 --> 00:22:12.251


    of them because I knew what I was doing was against the Catholic religion.



    00:22:12.251 --> 00:22:19.691


    Religion, but I also knew this was important about honoring who I am and me



    00:22:19.691 --> 00:22:23.451


    dealing with my own faith and religion at that point as well.



    00:22:23.651 --> 00:22:26.011


    That differed from how I was raised.



    00:22:26.631 --> 00:22:29.931


    We don't talk for 22 months.



    00:22:30.971 --> 00:22:35.491


    Now, my mom and dad had my phone number, my email. They knew how to get ahold



    00:22:35.491 --> 00:22:36.531


    of me if anything happened.



    00:22:36.651 --> 00:22:40.551


    And one day the phone rings and I see it's my dad. He says to me,



    00:22

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