Show Transcript

0:00:00 - (Kevin Lowe): If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, is that I believe that your purpose, your reason why your mission is most likely hidden inside of the hardest thing you have walked through. For today's guest, Nicole Smith, her mission was born on the same day as her daughter in April 2020. Now, Nicole, she had already been working as an advocate, giving a voice to the voiceless, working in criminal law and human injustice, helping those around the world.

0:00:36 - (Kevin Lowe): And yet, it was during the pandemic, April 2020, the birth of her daughter. And, well, without even realizing it, she would take on a new mission to give a voice to her own daughter. And that is what brings Nicole here today. You're about to hear the story of a mother, an advocate, a woman who is just here to share what she's learned along the way. Giving a voice to the voices, my friend, welcome to episode 262.

0:01:08 - (Kevin Lowe): What's up, my friend? And welcome to grit, grace, and inspiration. I am your host, Kevin Lowe. 20 years ago, I awoke from a life saving surgery only to find that I was left completely blind. And since that day, I've learned a lot about life, a lot about living, and a lot about myself. And here on this podcast, I want to share those insights with you. Because, friend, if you are still searching for your purpose, still trying to understand why, or still left searching for that next right path to take, we'll consider this to be your stepping stone to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

0:01:47 - (Kevin Lowe): Do you ever feel like there has got to be more to life than this? You're going through life, you're doing all the things, and yet who, at the end of the day, you can't help but wonder, well, what was that all about? You're not feeling fulfilled. You certainly don't feel like you're making a difference in the world. And you kind of wonder, what does it all even matter? Well, friend, if that's you, well, then to be honest, you should change that.

0:02:10 - (Kevin Lowe): You should start living a life of fulfillment, a life that brings you joy. And I believe it all starts by getting clear on your why, your purpose. And that is where I want to help you. Text the word discover to 5544. Again, text the word discover to 5544, and I'm going to get you information into how I can help you to discover your purpose and ultimately create the life that you were meant to have.

0:02:44 - (Nicole Smith): Motherhood. It was always part of the plan, but I wouldn't say that I was just. This really intense desire for a maternal drive was just there. It was, but it wasn't. And so when it finally kind of hit my heart, it was like, with anybody that decides to have children, it becomes a very deep seated desire, like, right then. So we had my first daughter, and it was a really powerful story. I always kind of say I was in a world of black and white and transported into a world of Technicolor. And I know that seems kind of dramatic, but it really was.

0:03:23 - (Nicole Smith): I decided to try to have my birthing process be natural. I went 29 hours unmedicated, pushed for 15 minutes, broke almost every blood vessel in my face to give birth to this child, and I was upstanding within an hour of giving birth. And it was just this really powerful experience that I was like, man, women are amazing. I mean, I knew we were amazing, but then when you go through that, you're like, man, we're amazing.

0:03:51 - (Nicole Smith): I called it the birth eye. My husband was on it for months. He would just stop every once in a while, like, you did that? I'm like, I know I did that. If I didn't do anything else in my life, I succeeded. I grew a person, I gave birth to that person. I sustained that person's life with my body. It was just quite a transformative experience for me to become a mother.

0:04:12 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, that's absolutely incredible. And I love this. Just to even hear you tell the story of just your voice just lighting up with excitement and enthusiasm is just absolutely amazing now. So did you end up having more children or just one?

0:04:32 - (Nicole Smith): Yes. So about a year into my eldest daughter's life, we decided we wanted another one. And it had taken us a while to get pregnant with my oldest, but we had planned. We're like, okay, now we're going to go into this next season. It's going to be great. We're going to have another child, hopefully within nine months of deciding. Right. So it did not turn out that way. We ended up on a path that was much, much different.

0:04:59 - (Nicole Smith): So essentially, pretty much the moment I decided that I was going to try for the next kid, I ended up sustaining basically a female infection. That would put me in mind bending pain 24/7 for three years straight. And in my pursuit of solutions, I went through every medical avenue you could possibly conceive, because pain is what I call as a great motivator. When you're in pain, you're going to really strive in many different ways to make that pain go away.

0:05:29 - (Nicole Smith): But one of the unfortunate ramifications for this as well was that I experienced a season of secondary infertility and that's when you already have a child and you can't have another one. And that actually accounts for about 25% of infertility, is actually multiple children, which is. I didn't know about that until I experienced myself well throughout this journey. I was finding solutions around three years in.

0:05:55 - (Nicole Smith): But the unfortunate part was that in pursuit of those solutions, I kind of was transported into a new season of miscarriages. So pretty much every month or every few months, I was losing a child, and that was next level. I didn't think it could get worse from what, the season prior to that, but it definitely did. And so there was just a deep struggle in my life, physically, emotionally, spiritually, that I just wasn't seeing the end of.

0:06:26 - (Nicole Smith): But again, pain being a great motivator, I continued to trudge on towards finding the ultimate solution to the problem I was experiencing. And I did. Four years in, I ended a little over. I ended up conceiving my second daughter. And in true Cosette, her name is Cosette's forum. She's incredibly resilient. She stayed for the long haul all the way to 37 weeks, and I ended up going into labor at the height of COVID and, I mean, April 3, 2020.

0:07:05 - (Nicole Smith): This brought a whole new level of complication that, really, the world had not anticipated, but least of all us. So, for those of you who do not know, during that time, they restricted how you did prenatal care. So if they thought you were a low risk, all your stuff was done telehealth, and a lot of your testing, all of your testing were done in parking garages. So of all of the medical or really any services that you can receive in life, I think gynecological exams are really not a curb size service type thing.

0:07:45 - (Nicole Smith): No, don't just pull up and like, okay, we'll just hook these stirrups right up to the window tray at, like, a drive through or something. I don't know. Anyway, it was just a wild time, so I ended up not receiving my 36 week testing because of these restrictions, which is a test they kind of check for potential infections, that kind of stuff. So when I go into labor, I am in labor for 27 and a half hours.

0:08:17 - (Nicole Smith): They touch me very few times because they're afraid of introducing an infection. And this is problematic for many, many reasons, but mostly because she ended up having what they call a prolapse cord. A prolapse cord is when the umbilical cord comes out in advance of the baby. And as anybody knows, the umbilical cord is how the child receives oxygen. So this basically cut off oxygen flow to my daughter.

0:08:47 - (Nicole Smith): So, like I said, 27 hours in. The nurse comes in, tells me to roll over my slide. I roll over my side, and she's like, okay, everything's fine. She leaves, and this time she comes back with a doctor. And the doctor says, hey, I know we haven't touched you, but I think it's wise that we check you, okay? So she checks me, sticks her hand up there, sure enough, finds out there's a prolapse cord. She screams out, prolapse cord. There's 20 medical professionals in the room.

0:09:17 - (Nicole Smith): The nurse jumps on the gurney with me, the doctor jumps on the gurney with me to keep her hand up to press the child off of the umbilical cord so she doesn't suffocate to death. I'm wheeled to the OR, everybody's buzing around. I feel everything. I have no epidural. They're putting catheters in me. I'm just boeing in pain. I'm starting to cry. I don't understand what's happening. And one of the anesthesiologists takes mercy on me and explains, hey, this is overwhelming to you, but we do this every day. You're going to be okay. I said, that's fine, I understand, but are you just going to rip her out of me? Because I've been awake for about ten minutes now breathing into this thing.

0:09:57 - (Nicole Smith): Are you just going to tear out of me? And she said, no, you're going to go under. And so within moments after that, I pass out and I wake up in the recovery room, my precious husband by my side. I'm sobbing out of my mind. I'm confused, I'm disoriented. I don't have a child, and nobody's telling us anything. So I'm in the state of delirium for about three, 4 hours, and they finally bring my daughter to me.

0:10:26 - (Nicole Smith): They don't tell me anything has gone wrong. I am just. Again, you have to understand, when you come out of a surgery of this type without an epidural, you feel everything, and I mean everything that just happened to you. So they're trying to desperately pump narcotics into me to catch up with the pain, but it doesn't work. So I'm in pain out of my mind. I'm also stoned out of my mind and not in the happy way.

0:11:00 - (Nicole Smith): It's just the worst of all worlds at this point. So we're kind of in this situation for about four days in which nobody's really telling us what's happened, but we're starting to know some things are wrong. So she's not able to latch. She's not able to suck or swallow anything. Her eyes are rolling in the back of her head. She looks like she's having these massive seizures. She's hardly able to actually wake up, really, and when she is, she's displaying these really od behaviors. And so every day, it's like, you can go home, you have to stay.

0:11:33 - (Nicole Smith): You can go home, you have to stay, that kind of thing. So on the fourth day, they finally send in a team of doctors to inform me that we're not going home, that we're going to be extending our stay into high level NiCU for extensive testing to find out what's going on. Well, what they hadn't told me, and never actually formally told me, is that she was resuscitated at birth. I actually found out during a shift change three weeks into NICU from the nurses kind of do, like a medical health recap.

0:12:05 - (Nicole Smith): And in this recap, I overheard them saying that she was resuscitated. A few days later, I had it confirmed with insurance that there was a line item for $746 for resuscitation of newborn infant and for all the testing that they got done, because that's what they do. If a newborn is in medical distress, they literally don't consult insurance. They just do everything, like a whole gauntlet, spinal taps, eegs, everything you can imagine.

0:12:41 - (Nicole Smith): And they never thought to tell me that she was resuscitated. She was born not breathing. So about a month in, they just basically tell me a NICU, that in order for her to go home, she has to be able to self feed. But that's not looking very good. So let's go ahead and get a gastric tube inserted, which is a tube that goes in through the abdominal into the stomach. They pin the stomach and the abdominal cavity together, puncture a hole, and that's how she's going to receive her food.

0:13:11 - (Nicole Smith): With that comes a lot of other types of monitoring and medical interventions that I would be very quickly force educated on. I don't have a medical background. Clearly, law and public policy does not involve any of that, but it definitely does not involve any of that with concern to your own child. So I cannot describe in full detail the level of challenge that period was, because in addition to her not being able to eat, she had this nasty habit of stopping breathing a lot.

0:13:48 - (Nicole Smith): I can't count how many times my child has stopped breathing in her now. Four years of life. Very early on, it was very frequently, and they weren't as severe. It was more like she couldn't catch a breath. You get when you've run too fast, and you're like, she would do that a lot, but as she kind of got a little bit older, it became more severe. I would turn around to get something out of the refrigerator, and I'd turn back around to a completely purple child in which I'd have to repeatedly, time after time, every single day, bring the breath back into her lungs.

0:14:23 - (Nicole Smith): And again, just medical intervention in general, if you have a medical background, that's one thing, but you're just so overwhelmed. This is your kid, and you're trying to. What's happened? What are the symptoms? How are we going to tackle this massive thing that the learning curve is very, very steep. So in addition to the normal requirements for a newborn and an infant, you're piled on top of this, a mystery to what's going on and what the solution is.

0:14:53 - (Nicole Smith): And six months into this journey, she would be given the formal diagnosis of cerebral palsy. And for those that don't know what that is, it's a muscular disorder that's tied to that brain damage. And I have always marveled at CP. The more I've gotten to know it is. Every person with CP has a very unique experience. No one case is alike, and in the case of my daughter, she is exactly who she is, and she has fought tooth and nail every day to surmount those hurdles.

0:15:33 - (Nicole Smith): Proving the resilience of the human spirit is just near limitless. And she is a deep inspiration. She really is. She's an amazing person.

0:15:45 - (Kevin Lowe): Wow. So much. My goodness. That whole experience. I just have to say how traumatic the whole thing was. We all heard the stories of people in the hospital during that time, in just the horror stories of them being alone. I just have to acknowledge that, for one, and then two, the thoughts of what you and your husband were going through after the fact of not knowing what was going on, that had to be just horrible.

0:16:21 - (Nicole Smith): Yeah. So to the first point, I was like most everyone else, we understood the gravity of COVID but until you're walking that out personally in the hospital experience, it's very surreal. I think that's the best way of putting it. And all the parents in there were just deeply struggling, actually. They had a policy at the time that they would allow one parent in, but not the other one. So when we were transferred to NIcu, they allowed my husband graciously to see where we're going to stay. But he was just removed from the situation. He had to, you know, couldn't even go out to eat together, couldn't see each other or he.

0:17:05 - (Nicole Smith): We couldn't be a family together. As we walked this new journey, there was one family in NIcU I remember the mother was paraplegic, actually quadriplegic. So they had allowed her to have her husband come with her. So they were actually a parent group. A couple were allowed to be present for their child. And I remember hearing that all the other parents were throwing a fit about this, because if you were going to let them have an exception, you should let that be the same for us.

0:17:39 - (Nicole Smith): And I understood the heart of why they felt so strongly about this. Of course, this mother was a very unique case, but we just didn't want to do it alone. It was just really hard. These parents were grabbing on to any straw they could to get the support they needed, because being in Nicu is hard enough, but to have to do it totally alone is next level. And as for the second point of the emotion. Yeah, it's challenging to come to terms with the reality you're kind of thrown into.

0:18:18 - (Nicole Smith): Right. And that's just every struggle that you have in life. I know you walk that through yourself in your own journey, with your own condition and that kind of stuff, but, yeah, I just remember trying to deny it. My husband kept going, this is our new normal. I'm like, no, I wanted to stay in NICU as long as I could because I felt like if I went home, I was bringing home a new reality that I wasn't able to accept.

0:18:44 - (Nicole Smith): And he could not handle being in the hospital anymore. He had to go home. So I had to make the decision what was best for my family holistically. My husband, my oldest daughter. My oldest daughter was really struggling with it in a big way, too, because, remember, she was just a concept with a dedicated bedroom, is what we called her after she was born. She wasn't able to meet her. She could only see her through Facetime.

0:19:07 - (Nicole Smith): And she's five. She doesn't. Four or five years old. She doesn't understand. She hasn't a clue.

0:19:12 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah.

0:19:13 - (Nicole Smith): So it was a journey. So I don't know if you've heard this poem before, but there's this poem that a lot of families with children with disabilities often hear, I guess, is when you give birth to a child with disabilities, it's like planning a trip to Paris, to France, and arriving in Denmark. The sights and sounds in Denmark are totally different to that of France. They're still beautiful. They might be quieter and more.

0:19:46 - (Nicole Smith): Have you heard this before, Kevin?

0:19:48 - (Kevin Lowe): I have not, no, I've never heard.

0:19:51 - (Nicole Smith): So this is. This is one that's like a mean. I can't tell you how many. I heard this from therapists and doctors and friends. And if I heard it again, I was going to scream, tell me that again. Because I'm like, look, you don't get it. You don't understand. Because what you're telling me is I have to be grateful for where I'm at. And you're right. But that is a journey to that place of gratitude. Because what's happening is that you have to mourn your dead expectations.

0:20:26 - (Nicole Smith): So either saying, in life, expectations are the death of joy. And it's very reasonable to have an expectation that says, if I have one child, I can have another. It's very reasonable to say that if I am pregnant, that I give birth to a child that meets all of my expectations. But the thing is that I didn't give birth to a child that met my expectations. She didn't meet my expectations. Nothing about that situation could ever meet my expectations.

0:20:53 - (Nicole Smith): But it takes time to grieve those expectations that could not be met. And I had to grieve that I didn't show up in France. I had to come to terms with the beauty of where I was in Denmark. And that takes time. It cannot be foisted upon you, cannot be encouraged upon you. You have to wake up every day and I would say, take the opportunities for grief. When you cried, you had to cry. You had to sit and sink into it.

0:21:24 - (Nicole Smith): Why? Why does this hurt? And examine it, turn it around in your hands, hold it up in front of the light and look at it in seriousness. Why do I feel this way? Because there's a reason why you're feeling that. And it's completely valid. Because I went through a time where I was so deeply bitter by the fact that I had to be grateful that she had breath in her lungs. I take it for granted every day that I can inhale, exhale and continue to function as normal. But I had a lot of friends prior to even giving birth to Cosette that had been force educated on the devastation that is a dead child.

0:22:02 - (Nicole Smith): It is unthinkable, the tragedy that is that you have to bury your baby. And I had to look at that going. I have to feel gratitude for that. Because, yes, she struggles to have breath in her lungs, but darn it, she does. Even if it's hard, I have to look at it and I have to see through the lens of gratitude that every day I get to get up and I get to hold her in my arms. I get to walk a path with her that is so unique even from. Remember I had a comparative analysis. I could compare what the journey was with my oldest.

0:22:42 - (Nicole Smith): I knew what it was supposed to be like, and in some ways that made it harder, but in some ways, it made it better, too, that I could say, okay, this is her. She's unique. She's walking her own journey. She may not be able to eat normally, but she's able to eat. She's thriving in her own way to take hold of the little things that were normally just taken for granted.

0:23:07 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, of course. I mean, first and foremost, again, I just look at you in admiration and I listen to you. Just the words that you just spoke, the emotion of it all. I just want to say, though, like applause to you, though, that you kept going, that you've made it through this and that you can speak about this situation so relatable to all of us. As you mentioned, I've had my own thing. When I went blind, I can remember the quote unquote professionals telling my parents that Kevin needs to accept this and move on.

0:23:52 - (Kevin Lowe): He should be accepting it by now. And when you talked about that, I couldn't help but think about it in that situation and where the fact of the matter is true is what you said is, and I love that poem that you talked about. I'm going to have to look that one up about landing in Denmark. And the fact of the matter is that it takes time for you to recognize the beauty and to be patient in that.

0:24:20 - (Nicole Smith): Don't shove the poor person. Do it quicker, heal quicker. And you're like, I had a friend, actually, I met her at her son's funeral. He was diagnosed with a terminal illness at 20 weeks of gestation. And sure enough, he was born and he passed away within a day or two of birth. And we met at her funeral, I served at her funeral, and we became friends through that situation. And she actually recounts that, especially if you're task oriented. If I do XYz, I check the box.

0:24:55 - (Nicole Smith): I did it like I should be through this. And it took her so long to realize that she is no longer the person she was before that moment. She will never be able to go back and to come to terms with the fact that this was be a journey that she cannot control. Like some aspects you can, you can take the opportunities for grief because those are opportunities that allow you to continue down that journey towards recognizing the beauty with where you are, but that people like those medical professionals are trying to shove you down that path quicker.

0:25:33 - (Nicole Smith): Doesn't work like that.

0:25:36 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Wow. Well, something else I wanted to ask you is I had read. I think I maybe read it on your website, or I'm not sure where I saw it at, but something said that when your daughter was born, that kind of. You were given a new mission or a new mission in your life was born.

0:25:56 - (Nicole Smith): Yeah. So one of the really interesting things about my career path, and I get this, asked a lot, and how you deal with so many sad realities that are around the world. And the truth was that the hardest part about it was that the child bride in Uganda, I can advocate for her freedom, but I can never wrap my arms around that little girl and tell her how important and precious she is to do life with her as she walks her own path. But when I gave birth to my daughter, it was like my mission was given flesh and bone, somebody that I could hold and walk through physically.

0:26:40 - (Nicole Smith): And it just gave a whole new level of reality to the work I had already done and also my connection to it. So one of the big things about the work I do now, I actually run a nonprofit called Dignity Defense Institute. And one of the core missions, obviously, is to recognize the dignity of all those, because if we don't recognize the dignity of every member of the human family, it's really hard to justify trying to serve or help anybody in their time of need. Right.

0:27:12 - (Nicole Smith): But my experience as a mother in this scenario was you give birth to this child, you go through NICU, you're basically tossed out of NICU and into a world you have no clue, you have no direction. You're just desperate. Right? And so my experience with her gave me a newfound understanding of what it is to struggle through this moment totally alone, that moment in between the event that occurred, that changed your life and then basically death, because you're on this journey until you're on the other side of.

0:27:49 - (Nicole Smith): Into eternity. Right? So what could my organization do to facilitate, help ease that burden? Because our current system. Because I remember I've worked with a lot of nonprofits. Our current system requires that essentially the person that is hurting actively seek up help on their own accord. So you're mom, like me, and you have no clue which way is up, and you just have to go to Google and start googling.

0:28:18 - (Nicole Smith): Because the reality is the nonprofits are spending so much of the resources to do their mission well. They don't know how to find the people they serve. You have to come to find them, and you don't know which one's the right one for you in this point of your journey. There's all this stuff. Right? So Cosette really inspired this aspect of my mission, which is to form bridges, digital bridges. So we know everything about the purchasing journey of an individual that wants a pair of shoes.

0:28:48 - (Nicole Smith): Like, they know the type of shoe they want. They know which point in the journey they are to purchasing it. They can directly lead you to the place that can give you that product and help you process it. Right. That payment and get you the thing you desire. Why are we not doing that for the nonprofit world? And so my background in the digital human rights world, I've utilized it in a way that can make those relationships for those that are hurting to the nonprofit that can serve them be more seamless.

0:29:19 - (Nicole Smith): And when you're online and you get a piece of our content, that it can be directly connect you with the organization that can help serve you.

0:29:28 - (Kevin Lowe): Wow. That is such an amazing concept and idea. That is awesome. Wow.

0:29:37 - (Nicole Smith): So cassette was the inspiration to that?

0:29:40 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, no, I absolutely love it. Now, there's another. I don't know if you call it an organization or what it is, but something. And I want to ask you to explain more of it. But it's about how cassette learned to sign.

0:29:56 - (Nicole Smith): Oh, yeah. Yes.

0:29:59 - (Kevin Lowe): Talk to me about that, because I am really excited to hear more about of the.

0:30:05 - (Nicole Smith): Like I said, every person with cpu, their journey is totally different. Right. So Cosetta will celebrate her fourth birthday in the next couple months. She is free of her g tube, though that was a blessing. She still has oral motor dysfunction in some ways, but she's able to finally eat, which has been really just amazing watching her. She still cannot walk. She crawls everywhere, but we do have a walker that she can walk. But one of the other things is that the brain doesn't send the proper signals to also her mouth. So obviously, she couldn't chew, but she also can't speak as a result of it. So she is very smart, though, like, cognitively, she's actually advanced for her age.

0:30:45 - (Nicole Smith): And so very early on, we could tell she was very frustrated about not being able to communicate her wants and desires, as most toddlers do. Like, I want this, I want that. So we started off very early on realizing we're going to need to learn sign language, and this little thinker has adapted so well. She's in a school that does american sign language inclusion class, and she is learning to communicate in different ways. And it has opened up a world, a portal into her mind, because that's been actually one of the more challenging things.

0:31:25 - (Nicole Smith): Being a parent, not knowing your child, she has wants and desires just like anyone else. And not being able to know that, I mean, man, that's been really challenging for her, too. But also, like I said, for me as a parent, I want to know what she did at school. I want to know who her best friend is. I want to know what her favorite toy is or her favorite movie or her know. These are things that are very important for human connection. And when you cannot communicate, it's like you're alone in a crowd.

0:32:01 - (Nicole Smith): So ASl has opened that portal into her soul that we have so desperately needed. And I want to make people aware, too, that actually one of the more challenging, well, I wouldn't say challenging, interesting aspects of her speaking sign language is obviously, people think she's deaf.

0:32:24 - (Kevin Lowe): Yes.

0:32:26 - (Nicole Smith): She is not deaf. So when I sign with her, I verbalize and I sign at the same time. The point being is that she can hear you, but she needs the visual cue at three or four years old to talk back to me in sign language. Right. And then also, we're learning vocabulary by doing it, too. She can hear. Okay, this is the word cat, and I'm saying the word cat with my hands, too. So now she knows the word cat with her ears and the word cat with her hands, and it has been just kind of an interesting dynamic in public.

0:33:08 - (Nicole Smith): We're like, is she deaf? No, because I could tell she could hear you, and that was really weird. Why are you speaking? Because she can't physically make words with her mouth. Now, her voice, vocal cords work just fine. That girl can scream, but, yeah, as far as, like, muscle control. To control it. To form words she cannot do.

0:33:34 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Oh, my goodness. That is awesome. I just have to say, that is one of the coolest things ever, and I love it.

0:33:43 - (Nicole Smith): Yeah. Actually, I'll tell this one story that I'm so proud of. My oldest daughter. So she's in scouts, and her third grade teacher has made it so all the kids in their class had to form a nonprofit with a mission, a logo, a name, everything. A great teacher, by the way. And my oldest decided that she was going to come up with an organization called Sign with Love, and the mission was to educate people on sign language and the reasons why you need it. And so she went to her scout leader and said, hey, can I conduct a sign language class to get the sign language badge for all of the girls in my troop, and there's, like, 70 girls in the troop. That's a big troop and varying ages and everything.

0:34:28 - (Nicole Smith): And she conducted several classes, and she taught them the basics of sign language and then also all the notable people in the deaf community, as well as those that use the reasons why you use them. It's, like, inspired by my sister cosette, that is not deaf, but she needs sign language, too. And so it was just so fun to see the girls, their eyes light up, and they're signing for hours after the class and everything. It was just so sweet.

0:34:58 - (Kevin Lowe): Wow. Oh, my gosh. I love it so much. That is just absolutely amazing. Now, I wanted to ask you was what is the relationship like between your two daughters?

0:35:10 - (Nicole Smith): Oh, my gosh. That is such a good question, because it is mind blowing. It is mind blowing. I will tell you, one of the biggest blessings with regard to a journey like this is a deeper revelation about the value and purpose of life. Right. So when my youngest daughter was very young, I kind of went through this process of just, okay, coming to terms with the reality of what her future holds. And everybody kind of looked at her like she was disadvantaged because the life she is going to lead is going to be different.

0:35:43 - (Nicole Smith): Right? And then they look at my oldest daughter, and they look at her as if she's advantaged. She's the advantaged one. And the reality is that us, as humans, in order for us to progress in life, we need struggle. Struggle often births the most beautiful purpose. And Cosette, by the nature of existing, understands, has a very intimate relationship with that struggle. But I'd have to sort of force introduce struggle into my oldest daughter's life so she can understand that point of growth that you need as a human.

0:36:21 - (Kevin Lowe): Yes.

0:36:21 - (Nicole Smith): And her relationship. My oldest, her name's Ari. So Ari's relationship with Cosette has been a point of intimate relationship with empathy that she would have never gotten right without having a sister that doesn't meet societal standards of what is normal, because it is normal. I understand that it's totally normal, but societal standards of what normal is. For the first time the other day, we were actually denied entry to something because of my daughter Cosette's disability.

0:37:00 - (Nicole Smith): And Ari, my oldest, was just absolutely dumbfounded and enraged that this would even be a thing to not just her sister, but any person with a disability and almost crying out for a whole group of people that she doesn't even know. She knows her sister. She doesn't know all of them. And just crying out that everyone see her dignity, everyone see her value, so much so that they would surmount the obstacles to make sure that they felt their dignity.

0:37:37 - (Nicole Smith): She's like, my sister is important. And so why wouldn't you strive to make it so that she could experience life? Because one of our biggest missions is that Cosette is not withheld experiences. And of course, those experiences might look different, but we hike, my husband carries her on his back. We go to the beach and she can't. Catching crabs at night, right. So she can't walk and find, but she'd like, scurry across the sand like a crab.

0:38:09 - (Nicole Smith): She will have a life that is enriched by experiences that look different. They look different, but she will have them. So it's been so wonderful to watch their relationship grow and the joys that each other bring through what God has uniquely made them each to be. Yeah, it's such a joy to watch them.

0:38:28 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, that is absolutely. And my goodness, I listened to you speak about your daughter, Ari, and I think you're raising a little you. She sounds like she is going to be gung ho just like her mom. Definitely.

0:38:43 - (Nicole Smith): Well, I hope she sees the value of service to others because like I said, it's a really long life, one that's very sad, that's not in service to others around you. You need that purpose in order to really find the light and joy in life, I think.

0:39:01 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. So if you don't already do enough, you also decided to start a podcast at some point in time.

0:39:12 - (Nicole Smith): Yeah, so I did. It's called pro dignity, no doubt. And it is a lot like this one in the sense it likes to tell stories about those that have gone through hardships. And missionally, my organization is very widespread. We deal with all sorts of topics. Disabilities is one, trafficking is one, and many other ones as well. So a lot of these stories kind of highlight the reality of people going through these moments of hardship. And I've just really been touched by the beauty and the resilience of the human spirit. Like I said, these people that have gone through hell and back and have strived to make that thing that was intended for evil to be something that is beautiful and good.

0:39:57 - (Nicole Smith): And that's what it's about.

0:39:59 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. I love it so much. Well, listen, I have one last question for you. Before I ask that, I want to ask you where is the best place for everyone to go to get plugged into the organizations to your podcast? Where can we send them?

0:40:15 - (Nicole Smith): Yeah, sure. So dignitydefense.org is my organization. You can come and look and see the mission that we have as well as if you have any needs in any arena that you feel like you're not getting connected in, just pop on over to the contact forum and myself or someone else at our organization will try our best to extend our network and get you the needs, fill the needs that you have in your life. Also, any place that you hear podcasts, you can find. Pro dignity, no doubt.

0:40:47 - (Nicole Smith): And then I'm all over Instagram, Facebook, that kind of jazz.

0:40:52 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Amazing. Well, I will be sure that all those links are left inside of the episode show notes that will be easy for anybody. Now, last question for you is, in case there's a mother, father, who maybe they're back a few years from where you are today, and maybe they just had a child who to society isn't perfect, who has issues, what would you say to that parent?

0:41:22 - (Nicole Smith): Yeah. So it makes me kind of emotional because I definitely know what it feels like to be in your place. It's a place that is challenging, but it is the birthplace of joy. And take the moments that you need to grieve those unmet expectations, but know that you are not alone. And even though it's challenging to walk through a journey with a child with different needs, know that it is one that is so deeply rewarding.

0:41:54 - (Nicole Smith): It is so deeply rewarding on a level that I cannot explain, as a good friend of mine that has a child with disabilities too, said, our lows may be low, but our highs are so much higher. And though we need to sink into those lows when they happen, just sink into those highs when they happen, too. Celebrate the little in those little moments of accomplishment that we find our greatest mountain that has been conquered.

0:42:23 - (Nicole Smith): And like I said before, too, if you need anything, go to dignitydefense.org. Do the contact form. You're not alone. And we want to make sure that, too, because this is a challenge, but it is a joyful one in the end.

0:42:38 - (Kevin Lowe): Amazing. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you for just sharing your story, your daughter's story. My hope, my prayer is that somebody today has been impacted by what you had to say. So thank you so much for being here.

0:42:55 - (Nicole Smith): Thank you for having me. Kevin. This has been such a joy.

0:42:57 - (Kevin Lowe): Amazing. Well, thank you and for you listening today. My hope is, as always, is that today's episode wasn't just entertaining, but more so impactful. I think all of us, whether you have a child or not, I think we can all take so many valuable lessons from today's conversation to apply to life and just to make as always. Tomorrow a little bit better than today. I'll see you next weekend.