Show Transcript

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Kevin Lowe: If you clicked on today's episode, expecting a heartwarming conversation with

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Kevin Lowe: a guy who shares his life story about growing up in a small coal mining town

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Kevin Lowe: in West Virginia to getting to where he is today,

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Kevin Lowe: graduating from Harvard Business School, from becoming a published author with

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Kevin Lowe: his book, Appalachian Kid,

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Kevin Lowe: well then you found the right place.

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Kevin Lowe: Because today is a story about a kid who had every bit of adversity one could expect.

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Kevin Lowe: And yet he overcame.

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Kevin Lowe: Today is a story that I think can pull at your heartstrings,

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Kevin Lowe: can pull at your emotions, but more than anything else, can leave you realizing

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Kevin Lowe: that anything is possible.

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Kevin Lowe: Sometimes we just got to work at it. We got to keep going.

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Kevin Lowe: And in the end, well, you have a story to tell.

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Kevin Lowe: Today is an interview with John Boyle, the author of Appalachian Kid, A story of his life.

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Kevin Lowe: A story that's going to guide today's conversation.

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Kevin Lowe: My friend, it's episode 327. I'm glad you're here. I look forward to seeing you inside.

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Intro: Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,

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Intro: they're just doors to better days.

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Intro: And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

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Intro: Your host, Kevin Lowe. He's been flipping the script on his own life,

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Intro: Turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight up inspiration,

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Intro: motivation, and encouragement just for you.

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Intro: So, kick back, relax, and let me introduce you to your host, Kevin Lowe.

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Kevin Lowe: John, man, welcome to the podcast, dude. It is a pleasure to have you.

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John Boyle: Thank you so much, Kevin. I've been looking forward to this since we talked

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John Boyle: a month ago. Yeah. And it's an honor to be on your show.

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Kevin Lowe: Oh, man. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely, dude. Well, John, I'm excited for us to

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Kevin Lowe: explore kind of this entire kind of life's journey you've been on.

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Kevin Lowe: And I would love for you to just kind of take us back in time.

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Kevin Lowe: Put us in the place of childhood. Where did you grow up? What was childhood

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Kevin Lowe: like for you? Just kind of paint that picture.

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Kevin Lowe: And I figured that would be an awesome starting point.

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John Boyle: Absolutely. I would be happy to. If I get too long-winded, you let me know, Kevin.

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John Boyle: I grew up in a small mining community in Kingwood, West Virginia.

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John Boyle: It's a town of 2,000 people, and it's on the border of Maryland and Pennsylvania.

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John Boyle: And where I grew up was just up in the mountains. It's a farming and mining community.

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John Boyle: And growing up, it was a beautiful place. It was a safe place.

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John Boyle: It was somewhere where you could go out and you could ride your bike and not

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John Boyle: come home until it was dark.

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John Boyle: And I always played outside and with my friends.

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John Boyle: And I love the area and the people.

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John Boyle: And really, I couldn't have asked to grow up in a better place, Kevin.

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John Boyle: But when I was growing up, I didn't know it until I was older.

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John Boyle: But I grew up in a violent home. You know, when you're a little kid,

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John Boyle: you don't know how to compare your circumstances with someone else's.

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John Boyle: You're just doing the best you can to get from one day to the next.

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John Boyle: And maybe that's a really high level summary.

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John Boyle: But growing up in those circumstances, Kevin, it gave me a lot of difficulty.

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John Boyle: And as I, you know, from my earliest memories until, you know,

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John Boyle: well into elementary school, I really had a lot of difficulty and it stemmed

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John Boyle: from, you know, violence in the home.

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John Boyle: And, you know, look, this is something that just isn't isolated to me.

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John Boyle: This is quite common in our society.

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John Boyle: And the children who grow up under those circumstances carry the ramifications

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John Boyle: of those actions with them into adulthood.

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John Boyle: And so my childhood was great in many senses.

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John Boyle: And I have to this day, Kevin, my closest of friends are the ones I grew up

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John Boyle: with in Preston County, West Virginia.

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John Boyle: And so I, again, I couldn't have asked for better circumstances.

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John Boyle: However, there was a great deal of adversity, especially in childhood and into

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John Boyle: high school and college. Yeah.

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Kevin Lowe: Now, did you grow up with brothers and sisters?

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John Boyle: Yes. I had three younger sisters, or have three younger sisters rather,

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John Boyle: and I was the oldest and the only male.

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Kevin Lowe: Okay. Wow.

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Kevin Lowe: You said, you know, the thing of, you know, when you're growing up and you're

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Kevin Lowe: a kid, you don't you don't realize that anything's different about the way you're growing up.

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Kevin Lowe: How old were you when you realized, wait a minute, this isn't normal?

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John Boyle: Well, I would say first or second grade, maybe third grade in that area.

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John Boyle: There would be family members who would come to our house and kind of witness

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John Boyle: some of the treatment, so to speak, ill-advised treatment, really.

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John Boyle: And I could tell from the reactions from my aunt, especially, that it wasn't kosher.

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John Boyle: And so I began to have radar towards that treatment.

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John Boyle: And really, when I realized that this wasn't going on in everyone's home was

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John Boyle: when I started to have sleepovers at friends' houses or go to friends' houses after school.

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John Boyle: And, you know, I would hear, you know, their parents say little things like,

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John Boyle: I love you. You know, those were things that I didn't hear in my home.

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John Boyle: And I'm not trying to pick on my parents. That's just the way it was.

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John Boyle: And, you know, just the overall treatment and what they incurred in their home

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John Boyle: and what I incurred in mine was quite different.

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John Boyle: And that's when I began to see that there was something going on in my home

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John Boyle: that didn't go on in everyone's. Yeah, absolutely.

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Kevin Lowe: How did that then impact kind of the rest of your childhood?

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John Boyle: Overwhelmingly. As time went

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John Boyle: on, Kevin, third and fourth grade became exceedingly difficult for me.

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John Boyle: I started to be sent to the classroom where there were readers that were behind

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John Boyle: or kids that were behind in math. It was almost like I was impaired.

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John Boyle: And really what was going on,

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John Boyle: Kevin, I was displaying symptoms of a mental disorder I didn't know I had.

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John Boyle: And so I would disassociate with my surroundings at school, especially after

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John Boyle: something troubling had happened in my home.

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John Boyle: And, you know, when I was disassociating in school, I was typecast by many of

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John Boyle: my teachers as being lazy and a daydreamer.

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John Boyle: And that really enraged my father because he didn't like laziness, right? Right.

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John Boyle: And so I would incur punishment on top of the abuse from my mom for having bad

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John Boyle: grades and not being able to function in school.

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John Boyle: And one played off another and my grades got worse. Those actions didn't do any good for me.

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John Boyle: And by sixth grade, Kevin, I almost failed. I almost failed.

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John Boyle: I almost failed sixth grade.

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John Boyle: And I remember distinctly, Kevin, going to a parent teacher conference with

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John Boyle: both of my parents. And I remember my sixth grade teacher looking at my parents

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John Boyle: and saying, this kid will never make it to college, much less graduate.

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John Boyle: And so that was my elementary school years and junior high didn't get any easier.

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Kevin Lowe: Wow. Wow, wow, wow. During this time in your life that we're up to at this point, was there anything?

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Kevin Lowe: I mean, we talk about school is tough. We talked about home life is really hard.

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Kevin Lowe: Was there anything or anyone, though, that you kind of clung to that maybe got

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Kevin Lowe: you through it looking back?

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John Boyle: That's a great question. And not to foreshadow the ending of my book,

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John Boyle: but that is the ending of my book.

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John Boyle: The ending of my book, Kevin, is that my life is a miracle and that I didn't

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John Boyle: realize that when I was a kid, but God put people in my life that gave me enough to get from A to B.

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John Boyle: My dad's friend, best friend growing up was a guy named Jeff.

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John Boyle: And he used to take me, you know, hunting. He used to take me fishing.

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John Boyle: You know, we would go camping.

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John Boyle: He had some kids, but younger than me.

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John Boyle: And before he had children, he spent time with me. And it really left an impression on me.

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John Boyle: I had an aunt who from the youngest years I can remember was always defending me.

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John Boyle: And if she saw treatment that I shouldn't be receiving at home,

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John Boyle: she would be vocal about it. But she was the only one that really spoke up and

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John Boyle: even to this day continues to speak up and say it's wrong.

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John Boyle: There were others, you know, friends. My best friend Moose to this day,

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John Boyle: you know, he used to walk me from class to class in junior high to make sure no one picked on me.

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John Boyle: There were so many people that God put in my life that changed it.

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John Boyle: And all through my life, there were people that just it just changed the trajectory.

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John Boyle: And when I got to high school, Kevin, I didn't say this part,

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John Boyle: but from about fifth grade on, as a young man, I just took the approach that

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John Boyle: when I was hit, I was going to defend myself.

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John Boyle: And that made the reaction from my mother much more vicious.

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John Boyle: And to be honest with you, as a child, I really didn't care.

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John Boyle: I saw it as no one's going to protect me, so I'm going to do it.

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John Boyle: And And right, wrong, or indifferent, that's what happened.

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John Boyle: And so there became a dynamic in my home where there were altercations constantly, constantly.

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John Boyle: And by the time I was 14 or 15, you know, it was happening quite frequent.

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John Boyle: And my father pitched the idea that I could go to a boarding school.

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John Boyle: And really, that was my way out. And when I went to that boarding school at

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John Boyle: 15, I was a sophomore. more.

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John Boyle: And when I got to that school, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

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John Boyle: I may say that over and over, but there were many good things that happened to me.

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John Boyle: And I can't stress that enough.

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John Boyle: This is not a story about those who did me wrong.

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John Boyle: This is a story about the goodness of God.

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John Boyle: And he placed all of these teachers in my world from 15 to 18 that took a kid

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John Boyle: that almost failed 10th grade again,

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John Boyle: Kevin, was next to last in my class and just mightily struggling because I didn't

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John Boyle: have a good educational background.

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John Boyle: I was disassociated all through elementary school and much of junior high.

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John Boyle: And I'm not making excuses.

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John Boyle: That's just my journey. And so there were many, many teachers there.

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John Boyle: My English teacher, my math teacher, my football coach, my Spanish teacher, the head of school.

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John Boyle: These people plowed into me and didn't have to, too, but they did and it changed my life.

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Kevin Lowe: Wow.

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John Boyle: That's the essence of mentorship right there.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah, absolutely.

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Kevin Lowe: Before kind of moving forward, did your sisters endure the same treatment as you?

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John Boyle: You know, Kevin, I don't really write about my sisters in my book.

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John Boyle: I do in a few stories about my childhood just to give the story the proper context.

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John Boyle: But, you know, from my vantage point, they certainly had it difficult.

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John Boyle: I don't know that they had it as difficult as I did. But honestly,

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John Boyle: that's something that they would have to answer.

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John Boyle: I really, you know, I really left the house at 15 and I didn't come back.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Okay. So at boarding school, you spoke about that was really kind of a,

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Kevin Lowe: I would consider a pivotal shift, a positive shift forward.

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Kevin Lowe: Were there any other kind of standout moments when you look back at that period

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Kevin Lowe: in time that you feel like was really pivotal in getting you kind of on the

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Kevin Lowe: course that you ended up taking that's led to kind of where you are today?

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John Boyle: Yeah. The first image that comes into my mind when you ask that is the day that

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John Boyle: I left West Virginia and went to Salzburg, Pennsylvania.

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John Boyle: The name of the boarding school was the Kiske School.

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John Boyle: And until this year, it was all male. And there was when I pulled up to my when

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John Boyle: my family pulled up to the dorm to drop me off, there was a man standing outside.

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John Boyle: The dorm's name was Clark Hall.

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John Boyle: I remember it well. It was in the fall of 1992.

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John Boyle: And there was a man standing outside the doors with a Kiske ball cap.

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John Boyle: And I was the first student to move in the dorm that day. And just that handoff, Kevin,

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John Boyle: was so symbolic for me and looking back at it to see a man who was welcoming,

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John Boyle: who said, we're glad to have you here and I'm going to help you get oriented.

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John Boyle: And we're looking forward to spending this year with you. just things like that.

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John Boyle: It just, it just gave me a feeling of I'm welcome.

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John Boyle: That man, his name's Mark Orsatti and he's still a teacher there.

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John Boyle: And when I, when I launched my book, did my, my book opening in September of

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John Boyle: 23, I did it at that school and he showed up and I told that story,

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John Boyle: Kevin, and I said it to everybody there.

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John Boyle: And I looked over at him and he was just, I mean, just crying his eyes out.

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John Boyle: Wow. And it was so cool for me because I don't know that he ever knew that. Right.

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John Boyle: When you're a mentor, I don't think, you know, the impact that you have on a child.

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John Boyle: And I think to get feedback like that, well, obviously it meant something to him too.

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John Boyle: So there were many other moments, Kevin, I don't want to ramble here.

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John Boyle: So you cut me off if I am, but you know, my first grade reading,

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John Boyle: the head of school reads your grades to you.

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John Boyle: There's only about 200 students in the school. So it's pretty personable.

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John Boyle: And his name was Mr. Pigeon. And he read my grades to me. And he told me I was last in the class.

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John Boyle: And Kevin, he didn't tear into me. He didn't tell me that I was going to be

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John Boyle: nothing but a truck driver and that I was stupid and the things that I used

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John Boyle: to hear about my grades. He just said, John, your effort grades are B's.

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John Boyle: And if you get them up to A's, you'll be my hero.

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John Boyle: He didn't he didn't land base me over having 60 and 70 percent in certain classes.

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John Boyle: And and I'll give you one over. He didn't do it all year.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah.

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John Boyle: And he just stood beside me. And there were dorm parents in a dorm at Kiske.

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John Boyle: There are family housing connected to the dorm. So you're more or less in a

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John Boyle: family atmosphere and you have what's called dorm parents and those dorm parents are teachers.

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John Boyle: And one of the men there was a guy named Dr. Lane and he taught me how to study.

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John Boyle: And my junior year, my football coach really helped me get more prepared in

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John Boyle: the season before I started school. school, I came back with an idea of what

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John Boyle: I was getting myself into.

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John Boyle: And my first grade reading, my junior year, I made the honor roll for the first time in my life.

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John Boyle: And I think it shocked anybody that knew me.

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John Boyle: But the man that was happiest for me was the guy who taught me how to study,

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John Boyle: Dr. Lane. And he was a man's man, tough.

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John Boyle: And he gave me a hug when I told him. He couldn't have been happier.

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John Boyle: And those moments, I can't express how much they meant to me.

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Kevin Lowe: And I

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John Boyle: Write about in my book.

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Kevin Lowe: Yeah yeah absolutely the the power of of a mentor the power of a teacher the

00:15:38.331 --> 00:15:43.911

Kevin Lowe: power of somebody just shows a kid that they care it's profound it

00:15:43.911 --> 00:15:45.911

John Boyle: Is and when you grow up like me it's critical.

00:15:45.911 --> 00:15:46.451

Kevin Lowe: Absolutely

00:15:47.725 --> 00:15:55.265

Kevin Lowe: So in sixth grade, you were told you would never graduate. You would never amount to anything.

00:15:55.545 --> 00:15:59.265

Kevin Lowe: But obviously that was wrong.

00:15:59.545 --> 00:16:04.965

Kevin Lowe: Talk to me about life continuing out of high school. What happens?

00:16:05.425 --> 00:16:13.605

John Boyle: Well, I graduated high school in the summer before I graduated college or went to college. I'm sorry.

00:16:13.945 --> 00:16:17.765

John Boyle: In between the summer when I graduated high school and started college,

00:16:18.005 --> 00:16:23.145

John Boyle: I had worked for my family business, which was in road construction for years at this point.

00:16:23.365 --> 00:16:29.885

John Boyle: And I started to realize, I started to consume alcohol and I started to realize

00:16:29.885 --> 00:16:37.385

John Boyle: that alcohol covered up some of the symptoms I was having that I didn't know I had a mental disorder.

00:16:37.545 --> 00:16:40.985

John Boyle: I didn't know what was going on with me at this point. But even through high

00:16:40.985 --> 00:16:48.425

John Boyle: school and certainly became more pronounced in college, I began to suffer from bouts of insomnia.

00:16:48.565 --> 00:16:50.605

John Boyle: I mean, bouts of it for weeks and weeks.

00:16:50.825 --> 00:16:59.485

John Boyle: I was having flashbacks and just negative memories that were coming into my

00:16:59.485 --> 00:17:01.105

John Boyle: brain for no apparent reason.

00:17:01.185 --> 00:17:04.305

John Boyle: They were being triggered by smells and sights and thoughts.

00:17:04.505 --> 00:17:07.725

John Boyle: And I just didn't know anything about them, right?

00:17:07.845 --> 00:17:13.885

John Boyle: So I was having difficulty when you peel back the onion or peel back the curtain

00:17:13.885 --> 00:17:17.405

John Boyle: to my private life that no one was seeing.

00:17:17.565 --> 00:17:22.045

John Boyle: And I would have chronic muscle tenseness. I was having nightmares.

00:17:22.545 --> 00:17:27.985

John Boyle: My fight or flight response would get stuck on. And I would feel like there

00:17:27.985 --> 00:17:30.485

John Boyle: was a bomb threat called in for no reason whatsoever.

00:17:30.865 --> 00:17:35.385

John Boyle: And so I really had a lot of difficulty. And what I figured out was that alcohol

00:17:35.385 --> 00:17:37.005

John Boyle: covered up a lot of these symptoms.

00:17:37.385 --> 00:17:42.945

John Boyle: So I began drinking. And when I went to college, I went to the number one party

00:17:42.945 --> 00:17:45.445

John Boyle: school in the United States. I went to West Virginia University.

00:17:46.393 --> 00:17:51.433

John Boyle: And I went to the School of Engineering. And so by my fourth day of college,

00:17:51.533 --> 00:17:53.973

John Boyle: Kevin, I was arrested for driving under the influence.

00:17:54.313 --> 00:17:59.413

John Boyle: And it was really a, no pun intended, a sobering moment for me.

00:17:59.633 --> 00:18:06.653

John Boyle: And it really got me back on track and made me realize very early that I was

00:18:06.653 --> 00:18:09.373

John Boyle: becoming someone that I didn't intend to be.

00:18:09.493 --> 00:18:14.793

John Boyle: And that those actions really blemished the work that I'd done in my life thus

00:18:14.793 --> 00:18:19.553

John Boyle: far. And so I was able to get my focus back on track.

00:18:19.793 --> 00:18:25.213

John Boyle: I graduated from the School of Engineering, the civil