Out of the Shadow of 9/11 with Christina Ray Stanton

So the street was littered with all kinds of things.

So it's it was just literally an apocalyptic scene.

SPEAKER_00: Okay, here's my interview with Christina Racer.

SPEAKER_01: So my husband and I were newlyweds, and we had an apartment in the financial district.

And it was a new apartment.

We'd only lived there for about two and a half months.

We lived six blocks away from the World Trade Center complex.

And we lived in this wonderful 1931 former bank that had been turned into apartments.

We lived on the 24th floor.

But the best part about that apartment was it had a wonderful 300 square foot terrace that overlooked the Twin Towers and the World Trade Center Complex.

So I was just like, oh, this is awesome.

I'm a tour guide.

I do walking tours of the World Trade Center Complex.

I get to live and be a neighbor right next to where I work.

This is fabulous.

So again, we move him.

Our stuff is still in boxes.

When on that morning, my husband ran into the bedroom.

I was still asleep and he had been awake for a few hours and he shook me awake.

Now, when the first plane flew into the North Tower, the impact of that actually shook our building because we were so close.

And again, that's what my husband knew something bad has just happened.

So he came, he shook me awake, we ran out into the terrace.

And from that vantage point, all we could see were flames on either side of the building.

And it just seemed so surreal to watch a building burning.

We actually did think that somebody had snuck in a bomb into the building because, you know, it wasn't that far away from 1993 when in February somebody had tried to do that, bring down the buildings with a bomb.

So we just thought, oh, somebody did it.

They got in there, brought in a bomb.

And I mean, again, we were just, it's like we were watching some kind of a live, you know, panoramic TV screen.

You know, from the 24th floor, we couldn't normally hear street noise, you know, people talking or or or you know, uh traffic, anything like that.

But people were collectively screaming so loud, and there were ambulance sirens and and police sirens all together.

I was just shocked by the amount of noise all of a sudden that we were hearing.

And also, I felt like we were hovering above the scene, you know, because we had this outdoor terrace.

I was watching thousands of people run across the west side highway to try to get away from the danger.

And I just was thinking, this is absolutely insane.

I cannot believe.

And again, just just the visual of all that happening kind of at our feet was just insane.

Then all of a sudden, over our right hand shoulder, the second plane came went right in front of me, turned what I call an eight o'clock and two o'clock, and went right into the building.

And rather than see the impact, the immediately the shock waves of that second plane going into the building blew us back into our living room because it was, oh yeah.

And you know, it's kind of hard to explain.

And it's almost a visual.

If anybody is interested in looking at pictures I have of like our apartment and what our terrace looked like, that might provide more of a visual for folks, but if that's what they need, if I'm not, if I'm not explaining it so well.

But what was interesting is, you know, we have like French glass double doors that led onto the terrace.

And we had left them open when we were looking at the North Tower burn.

So if we had closed them, it might be a little different bit of a different story for us, but we had left them open, which meant that we were blown back into our apartment rather than into the closed doors if they had been closed.

So I woke up with my dog.

Uh, we had little Boston Terrier, Gabriel, jumping on me.

I mean, that our dog had obviously seen it too and was scared crazy.

So she was jumping on me, which woke me up.

And I remember hearing my husband scream and say all these different things.

I was having a hard time focusing.

But I one thing I remember him saying was, Do you want your shoes?

And I remember saying something like, No, let's get out of here.

So I hop up, run out into our 24th floor lobby.

And you know, it kicks in what we hear as kids, like to not take an elevator when there's danger.

So instead, I open the stairwell and start running down the 24 flights.

My husband grabs Gabriel and does the same behind me.

When we got down to the street level, I was the first one out.

You know, it took my husband a while to bring down a 40-pound dog.

I, you know, immediately I was like, oh my goodness, this is insane.

I have to go back into the building and come back to the apartment because I'm in my pajamas and I have no shoes, right?

You know, it's just like one of those, okay.

I'd had 24 flights to collect myself and to regain my sense, you know, my senses.

And but you know, we even when my husband and dog came out and we went into the building, they had said, sorry, we're just evacuating.

We can't allow anybody back into the apartment, everybody has to leave.

And I was like, Miguel, I'm just gonna put on some clothes.

Can't you see?

I'm in my pajamas.

He's like, I'm sorry, Christina, you know, right, can't allow you back.

So but you know, when we went outside, I took my husband took off his socks, I put on his socks, and when I looked around, I thought, nobody cares what I am wearing or not wearing in this situation.

So, you know, when danger is happening, your own like inner body sounds this alarm that says, get away from the danger.

And so for us, getting as far away from that danger as possible meant going south.

Since we were south of the Twin Towers, south is where we had to go.

And south is is basically the end of the island because you know, Manhattan is an island.

It ends in a 25-acre park called Battery Park.

So that's what we had.

So we walked on south, get into the park, and the park, there's water on all sides of it.

There's the Hudson, there's the East River, there's the New York Harbor.

But, you know, I mean, so in a way, you know, at that point, we were trapped in the on the island, but we didn't feel trapped.

We felt like, you know, we know that this is some kind of an attack, but we should be well enough away from the danger that's not gonna affect us.

Well, except that it did, right?

So when the building came down, the first one, that was a complete shock.

And the the worry was if it fell lengthwise in any direction, it would have reached us in the park.

And everybody knew that because you know, it wasn't far away.

And these buildings, again, were massive.

They were a quarter mile in the sky, they were 110 floors.

You know, it's like since they're not there anymore, we all lose the perspective of how incredibly tall they were.

But we all knew, okay, that building's so tall, it's gonna reach us in the park and probably kill us.

So people went absolutely nuts, you know, thinking, you know, we're gonna die.

Also, immediately were covered with dust and debris that you saw on that day because it was now Christina.

SPEAKER_00: I was just curious though, like when when you guys exited your building, was the streets just full of people?

SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

In fact, where our exit door let off at was the side of the building.

And that side of the building faces an actually kind of a major highway called the West Side Highway.

I was on I-10 yesterday and I was actually thinking of the West Side Highway.

It's a major highway that people that cars like, you know, zoom up and down, and it's six lanes.

And so people were trying to cross those six lanes to get away from the danger.

And West Side Highway would be a major artery where the cars come up and down and you know, to get to the World Trade Center, and where people were running from.

So as soon as I got outside that door, I ran to the wall of our building and like put myself flat against it because there was literally a a deluge, a rush of people, and they were completely crazed, you know, and I was like, I'm about to get trampled over here.

So no, it was insane.

And I remember as I was waiting for my dog and and Brian to come out of the the exit, I was looking at people and people were bloodied and they were in all states of dress themselves.

And they were holding uh their briefcases over their heads to protect their heads from flying debris.

It was like hell.

It was literally like hell.

I could people were they you could tell that they were so that they were so crazed that they were just they were in some otherworldly state.

I remember also looking on the ground and seeing a ton of pocketbooks and shoes.

And I remember even seeing like a pack of cigarettes.

Like people were so panicked they ran out of their shoes, especially ladies in heels.

They couldn't run in them.

So they just got out of them and ran in their bare feet, which you never would see in New York City.

So just the street was littered with debris that was flying from the burning towers, but it was people who just didn't want to run holding anything.

See, they threw it on the street.

So the street was littered with all kinds of things.

So it was, it was just literally uh an apocalyptic scene.

SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's so intense.

SPEAKER_01: So Oh, it gets dude, it gets it gets worse, man.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay, okay.

Keep going, keep going.

SPEAKER_01: So we're down in Battery Park and covered in dust and debris.

And the thing is, we couldn't breathe.

I mean, the dust was so thick in the air.

It's like we were in, you know, one of those snow globe things.

I call it a dust snow globe.

You couldn't see the sky, you couldn't see 15 feet in front of you.

It was just this crazy thing.

But but what was the worry is is you can't breathe.

And we were just kind of and we were and we were trapped down in the park.

We couldn't go north.

North was the World Trade Center, south is water, east is water, west is water.

So it was, it was, it was crazy.

But but then like part number two came, which was a huge black, thick wall of smoke.

And a lot of people aren't aware that you know the the fallen tower produced a huge amount of acrid smoke that actually, you know, hit the ground and it was blowing south, which was us.

And so the people went even nuttier over that because you know, the idea of being asphyxiated is literally it's just the worst thing to face ever.

And I watched several people jump in the water and try to swim in the New York Harbor nearby Governor's Island and things like that.

I mean, just literally, it just got worse from there.

So I remember, you know, at one point my husband and I stopped and just we're running around, running nowhere, you know, within 25 acres.

And I said, Brian, are are we gonna die?

And he said, Yeah, maybe.

And I remember he grabbed my hands and he began, you know, praying the Lord's prayer, you know, our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

I remember looking at him and feeling just so glad that I was gonna spend my last moments with my new husband.

But I also was looking around surrounding us and all these people in this hellscape running around, screaming and acting crazed and thinking, wow, you know, I'm like 31 and this is it.

I mean, this is, I haven't done anything.

I haven't, I I didn't do anything that I wanted to do.

And I was concerned about how I would die.

Is it gonna be fast?

Is it gonna be slow?

And I also felt really bad for people running around the park because all of our cell phones weren't working.

So I was with my loved one, but nobody else was, you know, or or probably very few.

And I just remember thinking, all these people are gonna be dying alone.

They can't even say goodbye to their loved ones.

It was a terrible feeling.

And I was just, you know, even though I was with my husband and surrounded by thousands of people, I felt very alone.

It was a terrible feeling.

So then I remember looking out on the New York Harbor and I saw all of these boats that were coming towards us in the park.

And I remember thinking, huh, you know, I mean, I'm a tour guide.

I do tours on boats.

So I'm I'm I'm usually familiar with how many boats there are in the water in the water at any given time or whatever.

But I remember looking out and thinking, that's a lot of boats.

And uh, they all start coming to Battery Park and docking or throwing ropes over, and people start piling into the boats.

And as it turns out, there was a um the US Coast Guard issued a CB radio call saying, hey, anybody in the New York metro area, anybody in New Jersey, blah, blah, blah.

If you're a boat owner, a boat operator, get your craft, bring it over to Battery Park.

There are thousands of people trapped there, get them, pick them up, drop them wherever you want to.

And so they they didn't know if anybody would answer that call.

And it turns out several hundred did.

And some boat operators did it all day.

They would grab a bunch of people, drop them off in New Jersey or Staten Island or Governor's Island, and then come back and get more people.

And they some of them did that literally all day.

500,000 people were taken off of Manhattan that day.

It's the largest boat evacuation in the history.

And so we were a part of that.

And we were we were dropped off in New Jersey.

But for for us, you know, we live so close to the World Trade Center complex, we couldn't get in our apartment for two weeks.

And it was because, you know, when the Twin Towers came down, they registered on the Richter scale as an earthquake.

And so they had to test all of our, all these buildings within a radius of the complex to make sure they were structurally sound.

Not only that, but you know when a crime happens, they have to basically kind of reconstruct the scene or get all the materials.

And so they had to go and collect, you know, plane parts.

In fact, they found plane parts on the terrace next door to us.

So they had to go and get all these things to reconstruct the scene or what have you.

So it was called the frozen zone.

So we just kind of couch surfed and stayed at friends and strangers' apartments.

And meanwhile, it just for us personally, it just kind of got worse and worse.

My husband went to Clemson, found out that a very close Clemson friend had died in the North Tower.

And that just sent him into such a depression.

Our dog got sick right away.

We had to put him in the vet.

He said, Your dog is probably not gonna make it.

And we were like, What?

What happened?

We did catch Gabriel licking his fur.

You know, an animal, when they're dirty, they try to lick themselves clean.

Well, that was that dust and debris that covered us.

What was in that was shredded glass and it shredded his insides.

So he hovered between life and death for weeks.

And we, to tell you the truth, in retrospect, we probably should have just put him down because he did end up dying of 9-11 causes.

And that he was just in so much pain.

We just we didn't know what was going on.

And so it just uh we were unemployed after the attacks.

Um, tourism, you know, it wasn't tourism in Broadway, nothing was happening, right?

It was a tough time.

We started showing symptoms of PTSD right away, and it just it, you know, it was just, it was like this this whole weight had come down on us.

And also just witnessing that kind of destruction and that kind of hell and that kind of evil, really.

It just, it just, I I I kind of felt I wasn't suicidal, but I just felt like, you know what, Lord, if this is what's in this world, I don't know if I want to be here anymore.

I think I've seen just about what I want to see.

You know, like I I get it, and I'm ready to to go on home.

You know, like if this is what is in this world, then I don't know if I want to be here anymore.

So it was more of that thought.

SPEAKER_00: Of course.

So now I was wondering, where were you guys at when the towers actually collapsed?

SPEAKER_01: We were in Battery Park, the 25-acre park that's very that's very near close to the World Trade Center complex.

SPEAKER_00: Do you remember could you could you guys hear it, feel it?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So so the ground started shaking, and I didn't, I I didn't know why the ground was shaking, but it was I thought there was an earthquake or maybe a plane had gone down into the ground.

I wasn't sure, but the ground starts shaking, and this horrible, huge rumbling sound sounded like it was literally behind our backs, started started happening.

But we we were so close to the towers we couldn't see what direction they were going.

And when they started coming down, they immediately kicked up so much dust in the air, you couldn't see anything.

So we didn't have any vantage point to see where the towers were falling or if they were imploding, which you know was a big blessing that they imploded.

And it sounded like it was it was coming at us right behind us.

It was literally an ear splitting sound.

And, you know, I should be wearing hearing aids, but it affected my hearing for the rest of my life to this day.

I mean, I I could certifiably get hearing aids.

And it's but actually I think that was from that plane flying right over our heads that kind of took out my hearing for the rest of my life.

But it it just no, it was in every single way, it was sensory, it was it was the ground shaking, it was this huge noise of the building cracking, and it didn't sound like a it had a very specific sound when it came down.

It's not what you hear in the movies, and it's actually hard to explain, but it was uh it just was an otherworldly horrifying sound.

SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's just so intense.

SPEAKER_01: It just you know, it kind of felt like I'm I'm watching some kind of a bad movie.

And that's a whole thing is what was some of the most upsetting visuals of that morning was watching people go crazy.

It's not really you when but what you're watching is like one of those you can't unsee kind of things.

So for instance, I remember there's like little vignettes in my mind.

So one of the buildings, you know, there were eight buildings that collapsed because of 9-11, not just not the two towers.

It's it's there were eight in total.

And one of them was a Marriott hotel.

And back then, um, they were still wearing kind of like made dresses, you know, like and so a whole bunch of workers from the Marriott, especially women and like these brown and white outfits, were uh and so you can easily identify them because they're all wearing the same thing.

But these women were literally running around just screaming.

Screaming and screeching everywhere.

I remember also looking at a um an Asian businessman who had been wearing a three-piece suit, and he was clutching his briefcase.

His pants were gone below the knee, and his face was contorted in such agony, and he was bloodied.

But yet he was holding his briefcase as if he were going to work, and which made it even more kind of surreal and bizarre.

And another visual I had was there was a woman running because everybody was running.

Everybody was just full of activity, thinking that they were gonna outrun whatever the smoke, the debris, the dust, the building coming down.

There's one woman who is running with her German shepherd, and another woman came running up to her, and everyone was crazed, not even looking out for each other, running into each other.

That she ran into the leash, flipped over the leash, it tripped her.

She did an actual somersault in the air and landed on her back.

And I'm I'm watching all this happen.

And I did see the woman with the German Shepherd loop around and come around to see if that woman was okay and she wasn't moving.

And I saw nothing more of that.

But I have so many of those memories that I've put some of them in my book.

But it's like one of those that's what you remember about days like that.

Not really you.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

Wow.

That's it it it literally is it's it's it's the scene straight out of a movie.

You know what I mean?

Is exactly the way you describe it.

It's it's exactly a scene out of something that should not be real.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it just really felt like and the fact that, you know, it's it's and the whole thing about it is it's modern day.

You know, it's like you don't expect to, you know, you're just walking down Manhattan in the street of Manhattan with your coffee cup, you know, enjoying it.

September is the prettiest month in the entire uh year in New York City, you know, probably enjoying the beautiful morning, and all of a sudden there's an arm in the street.

And I mean, it's like, not in this modern day, not in not here.

And I and I'm actually saying that scene because somebody took a picture of a body part in the street and people running away from it just because your your brain kind of can't even process what is that, you know, and that's what it felt like.

It's like, no, no, no, no.

This does none of this makes sense.

Your brain can't really take it in.

SPEAKER_00: Wow.

Wow, wow.

So, what was it like for you and your husband when you guys were allowed to go back to your apartment?

SPEAKER_01: Well, and I have pictures of what our apartment looked like on my website.

And if people want to, you look because it's hard to explain, we had left those terrace doors open.

So guess what that meant?

That meant it became a garbage can.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_01: And literally, like it just was filled with dust and debris.

I I call it like six inches of of junk.

But I will say this when I got and it wasn't livable, so we weren't able to live there for a while, right?

What what they had to be cleaned and and and all that.

But I remember at one point, and it was it was dust and debris that had filtered in from the towers.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_01: So I sat down at one point and try to look through every single piece of litter, you know, and and a lot of it was just like almost fist-sized pieces of charred books.

Right?

So I remember looking through all of these tiny little pieces, trying to see if there was anything personal.

And if there was, I was gonna find somebody or turn it in somewhere.

Because it turns out it was just, it almost seemed like they were, there was a lot of numbers or whatever.

And I actually kept that.

I kept a lot of that dust and debris and I put it in Ziploc.

And I still have it, of all things.

I show people whenever I do talks about 9-11, I bring it and I show it, you know, because I mean, there was certainly a lot in my apartment, and I was just, I thought, you know, I'm gonna, this is historic stuff.

This was stuff in the towers, or this was the tower.

So I kept some of that as macabre as that as that sounds.

Actually, I kept a lot of memorabilia from that time.

In fact, I recently did a talk about 9-11 at a church, and I do a display, you know, because as a tour guide, I took thousands of people up to the World Trade Center Observatory in the South Tower.

I have pamphlets and I have tickets, you know.

I'm so glad I kept those things and I show people them.

I even have a brochure of the Marriott that came down, you know, so I have all kinds of stuff.

So I'm not a hoarder.

For some reason, I just say to have kept these interesting things.

Yeah, so but but I have to say, when we we were struggling emotionally, mentally so much that after a while, it's almost like nothing surprised us anymore.

That, you know, we go home to a ruined apartment, dogs dying.

We went to the memorial service of my husband's friend who died, and I and they never did find any parts of his body.

And so that was a very strange memorial service.

I had never been to a service where there wasn't a body, you know, a funeral.

That was the saddest funeral I'd ever been to because it was so tragic, just absolutely tragic.

And he had been dating a 24-year-old girl in the office who also died.

They worked for Canor Fitzgerald, who who the company that lost the most employees in the towers.

They 658 people died from that company.

And it just, they're listed.

The James Patrick White and Amy O'Darty are listed next to each other on the memorial.

But you don't know what else can get worse.

SPEAKER_00: Wow.

So I am curious, did you or your husband suffer any type of physical, like medical issues from all that dust and everything?

SPEAKER_01: You know, it came out later, you know, and you know that people are are dying now from cancers related to the dust and debris.

In fact, they've identified up to 70 different cancers that are that were probably caused from inhaling 9-11 dust.

So, yeah, I mean, we've we've had our lungs checked.

We're a member of the World Trade Center Health Registry, which tracks our health and it tracks other people whose health was compromised due to the inhalation of the dust.

And so we we get a lot of information.

We have to fill out a lot of questionnaires, we see a lot of doctors, more than, you know, we see more doctors than the average person because they're trying to track, you know, our help and get things taken care of before they kill us.

And you know, it's interesting.

There's, yes, there are lung issues that stemmed from inhaling the dust, but believe it or not, a lot of people have died from, for instance, skin cancers, you know, believe it or not, that have been related to 9-11 dust.

And it's not that, you know, so so we get our we go to a dermatologist a couple of times a year.

So it's it's things that you wouldn't necessarily think of that would be related to 9-11.

But yeah, and and unfortunately, you know that a lot of people died in COVID whose health was compromised due to exposure to to the 9-11, you know, poisonous material.

So it and that's why I had a very bad case of COVID, which I believe was tied to 9-11.

Absolutely.

I was hospitalized twice and told I had a 50% chance of living through it.

And I knew, I knew it was related to 9-11 because anything, I feel like pretty much anything of my health now is related to 9-11.

At the same time, I'm actually just really glad to be here.

I'm sounding so ungrateful and I I don't like to sound like a victim at all.

I feel that I've I'm just I'm just glad to be here.

I can't I kind of can't believe I am, you know.

So I just want to offset any of anything that came out of my mouth that sounds victim-y, because um, I'm I I just am grateful to still be alive.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, and in in in you know what, I mean, like I said, all of us, whether you who was right there at the World Trade Center, even though not directly in it, or me all the way down here in Florida, we all experience that day and that time in our own way.

And so if you want to use the word victim, we're all victims of that terrorist attack in a sense.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, lovely, well put.

I so agree.

You know, I was telling somebody, um, I was talking actually about 9-11 in a prison yesterday, and I was saying that, you know, the attacks didn't just happen in New York or happen in DC or what have you.

This was meant for all Americans.

You know, this was meant for all of us, you know.

So this was targeted to the American psyche.

So it, you know, just the fact that it happened in these is the actual, you know, attacks happened in these cities, but it was a message to all of us.

Yes, we were all, we're all in this together.

SPEAKER_00: Exactly.

Absolutely.

So now So now, before I ask you about your book that you've you've written about 9-11, I want to ask you first though, is and I know you already shared with us a little bit about, you know, with you and your husband there in that park, but I'm curious your faith, what role your faith has played in the days and and weeks and and now years after 9-11 to help you through it.

SPEAKER_01: That's a great question.

So I would say that I grew up in a Christian home, but when I gotten to New York and and even through college a little bit, I felt like my vision of spirituality was morphing and changing.

And part of it was, you know, just questioning what I what I believed.

You know, I came from a background that was Southern, it was kind of Bible Beltish, my parents were Christians.

I was in church every time the doors opened when I was growing up.

But around college, I started just questioning kind of everything.

Like, who am I?

Who's who's Christina?

And what uh, you know, what a lot of college kids do.

Like, what do I believe that's apart from my culture or apart from my background or apart from my parents, my parents' belief system?

And when I went to New York, that only was exacerbated because I was surrounded by people who had all kinds of different belief systems.

And I, which, which didn't tear me away from my faith.

It just made me even more like, well, if I identify as a Christian, I want to know my stuff.

I want to be thoroughly convinced that that is what I believe.

Because, you know, up in New York, you know, you just don't want to say, oh, I'm a this or I'm a that.

You you better know your, you know, you better be able to defend yourself of why.

And I was like, well, I I don't know if I can defend myself.

I don't, I don't know what I believe right now.

So I was going through a position, this situation where I was regrouping and just trying to figure it all out.

That a lot of people go through, right?

And yeah, but I remember in 9-11 when my husband and I, when he was praying the Lord's Prayer, there was a a feeling of wow, faith would be appropriate right around now.

You know, having having a a belief in a higher power would come in handy right about now.

And I I don't have one.

And that was a that was a sad feeling for me because I thought, well, all the things that I do identify with.

I, you know, being a Broadway singer, or I, you know, it just like didn't do me much at that particular moment, if that makes any sense.

I thought, you know, I said I was gonna explore this, I said I was gonna figure this out.

Maybe about now's the time where, you know, if I live through this, I'm gonna, I'm gonna check it out.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna make that decision.

You know, I think I just kind of put it on the shelf and said, oh, I'll figure out that religion stuff later.

I'll I'll I'll work through it later.

But I was like, well, you know, later might be now.

So but I'm actually glad because 9-11 for me kind of pushed the envelope of, you know, like it, you know, some of these hard questions that I'd put on the shelf, then I'll figure it out.

You know, I did want to, you know, look into.

And so I did a lot of, you know, reflection and discovery after 9-11, which led me to, you know, the belief system that I grew up with, that it's like, no, I actually do believe it.

And I do believe that this is the way, the truth, and the life.

And I I do believe that it's the way to go.

And it does make sense to me.

It does ring true to me.

And so my husband and I got involved in a church, and actually he started working for the church as essentially their accountant.

But apart from any employment, we we definitely just looked into what we believe and what the what the Bible says, and we believed it was true.

And so to this day, we're uh very strong with our faith.

And interesting, it really came out into play when I had COVID.

So I was I was hospitalized twice.

And, you know, you're you have COVID, you're in quarantine, nobody can see you.

I was actually in a hospital I I'd never been in.

And I remember I was all alone.

I was kind of convinced this is probably the end of the road for me.

And certainly the physical pain was so bad that was, you know, I was like, well, you know, maybe I just don't want to live with this physical pain for much longer.

And I remember thinking, gosh, you know, I'm utterly alone.

In Battery Park, I wasn't alone.

I had my husband, I had my dog, I was surrounded by thousands of people, crazed and panicked people, but I was at least surrounded by people.

I'm completely alone and I don't feel alone at all.

Not in the least.

You know, I I had the prayers.

If everybody I asked to pray for me, I had God with me.

I would have long verbal talks with God.

If I I knew the nurses were looking at the monitor to watch me, I'm sure they thought that I was going crazy because I was literally talking to God out loud.

And, you know, I just like, isn't this something?

I, you know, I'm facing another kind of near-death experience, and I'm facing it in a whole different way, you know, just one without God, one with God.

And it was a whole different ball of wax.

And I just wouldn't recommend uh facing life struggles without that higher power, just wouldn't recommend it.

And we all face struggles, don't we?

All of us.

SPEAKER_00: We all do, we all do, and that's what and that's what you know, like with myself, with my own testimony and stuff, and and and I've always said, I mean, I'm only where I am today because of my faith in my family.

And and it is, and and that's uh yeah, I I uh I can't I'm I've been going through life uh without my faith.

And so I I totally totally get what you're saying.

So uh I want to circle back around to to the whole thing with with COVID, because I know you and your husband uh that that's been big for for you guys have written a book about that as well, but but back on the topic though of 9-11.

So at what point after 9-11 happened did you decide that you wanted to put your story into a book?

SPEAKER_01: So actually it was a while.

You know, for one thing, I had there were there was so much rebuilding to do in my life and my heart and my mind after 9-11.

And that was such a a path that I had to go down that I wasn't anywhere near being able to do any kind of hindsight because I was still feeling like I was just growing as a person, which I did kind of in leaps and bounds after 9-11.

And so I had to experience some more of life and again come into my own.

So there was a time when at the 10-year anniversary, my church asked me to give my testimony during church.

Oh, we go to a huge church, thousands of people.

I think 7,000 at the time.

I wasn't giving my testimonies in front of 7,000, but it was a fair amount of people.

And yeah, I mean, it was a little nervous, but also I just was in at my church.

We actually read our testimony, we write it, read it, you know, so we don't go off on tangents, which is a good thing for me.

So I remember that actually is the best policy when it comes to people like me.

So I remember reading the testimony, and I was just devastated.

I was depressed for months after giving my talk at church on the 10-year anniversary.

And the 10-year anniversary, by the way, was on a Sunday.

And I remember thinking, gosh, why was I so upset?

You know, it's nothing, you know, that uh this is not new information.

And I've been talking about it to people, and just you know, people I who asked me about 9-11 for 10 years, why did this upset me so much?

And part of it was I think I thought that there were some unresolved issues with it with me.

And so kind of at the same time, I I started writing and started writing about our experiences, and it became a book, you know.

So I wrote about basically wrote a book about what it was like to experience 9-11 from a residence perspective.

And you know, there's been over 650 books written about 9-11, a lot about terrorists and terrorism and and the towers, but nothing from a residence perspective of somebody who lived in the radius of the attack zone.

And so I just wanted to add my voice out there, and again, like in a plea to help educate, you know, or round out people's understanding of that day, or add another layer of it.

And, you know, I have excerpts about what it was like to be a part of the largest boat evacuation history and some of those stories that are little known.

And I also have like we were helped by a lot of people along the way who reached out to us, you know, in our our emotional time of need and financial time, you know, because that was tough, you know, being unemployed afterward.

So I talk uh it's not just all gloom and doom.

There were people who were real heroes to us in the aftermath that I really appreciate and that I've written about in the book.

SPEAKER_00: Wow.

So I'm I'm curious because I mean, it's it's coming from from my perspective of somebody who I share my testimony, I share my story.

It's one thing to get up and and speak, but it's another thing to actually sit down and write an entire book.

SPEAKER_01: Was how was I mean, yeah, I'm like not a writer.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, so how was that process for you?

SPEAKER_01: That was tough, you know, because I looked into like having a ghostwriter.

I looked at, I mean, I was so green to that whole process.

And, you know, they're they're expensive.

Actually, it turns out the girl that the woman that I interviewed to be a ghostwriter is a famous book writer.

Maybe I should have used her.

But I just said, you know, yeah, but Michelle Burford, she's like fabulous.

But so maybe I should have gone with her.

But it was, you know, it was a chunk of money.

And I thought, well, I don't even know if I for all I know just my family is gonna read this.

And yeah, I don't know if I want this kind of financial investment because I don't I don't know what the audience is really.

So, and I did try to pitch it to a couple of publishing companies, but they were like, hey, there's too many books out on 9-11 anyway.

And I remember thinking, now I disagree with you there because all I'm getting all of these tourists who are coming up to New York City who know very little about 9-11.

So clearly there's not enough books out there, or they're not touching on you know the breadth of that day.

I don't all I know is there's a disconnect and it's not a lack of information as part of it.

So I disagreed with that.

It took me about five or six years to write it, and it was originally like 500 pages, and I did hire an editor to edit it down to a nice little 180.

And people tell me they can read it in a couple of hours.

I'm like, oh, okay.

I don't know what that says about me as a writer.

But anyway, but you know, I'm I'm so glad that I did write it because I kind of discovered a passion as a writer, and I got better and better as I wrote.

And like, for instance, for this 20-year anniversary, I'm gonna have like 15 articles out in different publications out, and you know, it's all my writing, and it's because I was able to advance as a writer and you some of those 500 pages that you know, there's 300 pages that got cut.

I was able to put in article forms, and and they're they're gonna be out there during this year's 20th anniversary.

And they wouldn't if I hadn't had that background as you know, developing my writing skills.

So I'm kind of happy about that because I found that I really like expressing myself through writing.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, as somebody, as somebody who loves to write myself, I I totally can relate.

And uh yeah, so that that's pretty powerful.

And it's almost almost I I I would imagine writing that, writing your book in a sense.

I mean, it's talking about like the ultimate journal, you know.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, exactly.

And I was never much of a journaler in those whole things.

So, you know, I have to say I I did end up getting a little position at our church of being the short-term missions director, you know, putting together humanitarian trips and taking them all throughout the world.

And I used to write lots and lots of newsletters, you know, for for the donors, for for our congregants to hear about what we did and, you know, you know, kind of a wrap up and for, you know, mission trippers to keep them in the loop.

So I had all these newsletters going.

So I had some, you know, work buildup to writing a book, but not much.

But I have to say, you know, I think everybody has, every single person has it in them ways to express their emotions and themselves.

And it may not be in a book form, but it may be sculpting or woodworking or something.

But I really am a fan of people taking whatever they need, whatever gifts they were given to express themselves, because we all have what I we all have what I would call or what may Angelou.

says is an untold story within us and we all need to get that out somehow yeah whether it's it's verbally or a written form or in something that that we create but have you heard of that famous like Maya Angelou quote about the untold story?

Yes I think yes yeah yeah so we all we all do we all have this untold story within us that needs to get out there absolutely wow well uh so I'm curious about your book like what has the the feedback been you know since you've released this book and and been able to speak are you are you getting really positive feedback are people you know giving you you know just feedback that that's made you even more happy you know glad that you you finally wrote it all down yeah you know so the editor who wrote worked on it says you know this is

really good you should submit it to some awards programs or whatever and I was like oh okay whatever so I sent it off and I did I won top awards and two prestigious I guess it's book publishing you know entities and I was so happy because it just really validated that I didn't want people reading like a stream of consciousness or drivel and I was just kind of worried about that like I don't want to put something you know that's not professional out there.

Like if somebody's gonna spend the time I want to honor their time and making a good product and I wasn't sure it was a good product.

You know so that just kind of validated that yeah no it's it's you're not wasting people's time their two hours they're not wasting their two hours through so I I was really happy to get those awards and yeah I mean it's actually sold you know I think like 10,000 copies.

It's a lot I mean it's a way more than I thought.

But I have to say what makes me so happy is I decided from the get-go that I wasn't going to to keep any proceeds from it.

Even though I you know I poured money into it like the editor was very expensive whatever I just thought you know what God's blessed us financially he's always blessed us financially what I really want is to use those funds for my nonprofit.

So about five years ago my husband and I founded a nonprofit that kind of piggybacked onto the humanitarian work I was doing overseas with my church.

It's morphed into something even bigger since then but I thought you know I would love for any proceeds to come to it's called Loving All Nations to come to Loving All Nations which I can then give to let's say refugee communities and you know provide for financial assistance just like Brian and I were helped with financial assistance after 9-11 which we were and so I feel like isn't this it's awesome you know God has turned the situation into a He's completed the circle.

Now I can give back to people who are under threat who have gone through a terrible struggle and you know and show them you know monetarily hey somebody cares about you just like somebody did for us after 9-11.

Because honestly my book talks about it the church helped us financially after 9-11 because we you know the bills were piling up we didn't have any work and now I'm able to bless others.

So I feel like anything coming out of 9-11 such as this book you know I want to use towards that those ends.

And it has like even during the pandemic we were able to send thousands of dollars worth of food parcels to the poorest communities who were really affected with COVID because you know already poor countries it just decimated the poorest of them.

And so I was so so proud and so happy with that that that that came from my book.

So I don't keep anything from this book.

You know so it's it's been a blessing.

SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.

Now tell me tell me remind me again of the the name of your book and where somebody can find it at yeah so it's out of the shadow of 9-11.

SPEAKER_01: It's sold on Amazon but it's sold in you know lots of other online forums as well Barnes and Nobles blah blah blah.

And yeah so it's it's there and I hope it's a blessing.

And just if anybody wanted to look at some of those pictures I was telling you about it is or some articles I've written about 9-11.

It's uh www dot christinaraystant.com.

So I have pictures and book reviews and some more information about me and and other articles I've written that's all on my website.

I'm also on Facebook Christina Ray Stanton Books.

So because I I wrote a book about our COVID experience.

Yeah yeah all there.

SPEAKER_00: That's awesome and that's what I wanted to before we wrap up though is is I wanted you to to just kind of you touched on it a little bit earlier and and I feel like I would just I my curiosity is peaking too high to to not ask you a little bit about it of you then writing this this second book about your experience with well Kevin you're gonna also have me back.

Ooh wouldn't that be amazing yes the teaser the teaser well why don't you do exactly that and give us a little bit of a teaser into this other book that you have written.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah and the other book is you know it talks about the the COVID experience because we had a kind of a crazy story and it's uh you know how we got it and how we dealt with it and what it looked like a you know a play by play in in our lives but also is it is there's a little bit of a how to you know through it like when faced with something life threatening or a struggle what are ways that you can get through it you know emotionally together like I talk about how important prayer ended

up being during that time.

And I go into I had this whole new revelation of how important prayer is not that I didn't but it it manifested itself in such a real way that I I wrote about that.

Also wrote about how important community is you know when we were in the throes of it basically deliveries were shut down.

We're so used to deliveries for sandwiches and groceries and CVS and this and this and that well guess what?

They were so backed up that you know needs that we have you know weren't getting met by our normal channels like deliveries.

So we had to yet again imagine this rely on people and you know who brought over food and left it on the doorstep and ran out you know ran far away before we got outside the door.

But you know but it really we live in community.

Even if you're an introvert we do you know we you still live in community.

So I just tell people you know don't forget it's a blessing for people to help you in your time of need.

And you're not burdening them and you're not you know whatever whatever obstacle you have that keeps you from reaching out to people in your time of need, you need to do it because we're meant to live in community.

So I have a I have some other you know revelations you know I guess you'd say of you know when you face a struggle you know here are some things to keep in mind.

SPEAKER_00: Well that's awesome well well my goodness obviously we're gonna have you back since you've you've invited yourself back for round two I have officially invited myself.

SPEAKER_01: That's it that's it so so ladies and gentlemen this conversation will be uh to be continued and uh and by the way Kevin they I want you to invite me back a third time right now I'm working on my third book and guess what this one's happy yay it's about I know can you imagine a happy book from me and this one's about being a tour guide and all the funny tour guide shenanigans that I've experienced the last 25 years.

So it's gonna be like a Devil Wears Prada expose.

SPEAKER_00: Wow when that comes out we'll talk happy talk well my goodness I'm sitting here thinking well we're on a roll I I guess ladies and gentlemen season three of the podcast will be the Christina Stanton season so it'll be funny I promise you that well well awesome well well Christina you know I just sincerely want to thank you I want to thank you for for coming on my podcast I want to thank you for for sharing your story you know of 9-11 and I think it's such a such a vital thing

that that people we be sure that everybody remembers.

Yeah so important and I just want to I want to thank you sincerely for playing a uh a role in that thanks Kevin thank you so much for having me on absolutely and to all of you listening I hope you enjoyed another episode here on the Lowdown with Kevin Lowe as much as I remember the details of September 11th I also remember the morning after September 12th 2001 I was a freshman at Seabrees High School at the time and the final bell had just rung marking the beginning of the school day I was in my first period class it was health class

with Mr.

Palap.

Soon after the final bell rang, the Don came over the intercom system and our principal Mr Curtin spoke.

I can't remember what Mr Curtin said that day, but what I remember is that he then pushed play on God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwell to let the entire song play out over our high school's crackling intercom system.

Our class fell silent and all I can tell you is that here today 20 years later I wished so badly that this country that I love could go back to September 12th the day after 9-11 because at that moment in my lifetime that's the most united I have ever seen this country it's by far the most proud I have seen this country to be the United States of America and well I don't know I guess I just wish that here today we could go back to how we felt how we were proud to be Americans we were proud of

this land and we would stand up and fight and die for this country all of us every one of us to stand up for what this country was what it is and what it will be.

And well I guess I will end with this sometimes in life we don't realize how good we've got it until it's gone.

But after we protect and defend what the United States of America has always been and let's continue to make it the greatest country in the world.

And that's the slowdown with Evan.

I hope today's episode inspired you motivated you and outside you to get out and enjoy life no matter what obstacles may be standing in the way