She Lost Her Son… But Refused to Lose Her Faith (A Mother’s Story of Grief, Hope, & Healing) (Encore)

From the woman she was before she met Granger to the mother, to the wife, to the woman she has become.

And of course, in amongst her story are the highs and the lows.

And the one moment, the one day in time that would change everything.

That would change everything for her, for her family.

It would be when tragedy would strike.

And yet it would open the door for something beautiful.

Today isn't just a story about surviving grief, but rather I see it as a story of transformation, a story of choosing faith in the midst of the storm.

And ultimately about holding on to hope even when you don't feel it.

I invite you into today's conversation with an open heart.

Because what Amber is about to share with us might just change your life.

It might just be the single thing that you needed to hear that can change everything.

Now, here's the really exciting part is if you really love today's conversation with Amber, well, you have an opportunity to take it to the next level.

Because here today, on the same day that this episode is being released, which is Tuesday, October 14th, 2025, Amber's own story has just been published in her book called The Girl on the Bathroom Floor.

So after you listen to our interview today, please be sure that you check out the links in today's show notes or head on over to the website gritgraceinspiration.com where you can find a dedicated page for Amber's episode that will have links where you can purchase her book.

Because my friend, I have a feeling once you meet Amber, once you hear her story, you're gonna want more of it.

This is just the appetizer.

So my friend, please be sure that you get the main event, the main course, by purchasing a copy of The Girl on the Bathroom Floor.

And with that, my friend, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, and this is episode 415 of Grace and Inspiration.

Last little note before I turn it over to my interview with Amber is my friend, if at any point today there's something that is said that makes you think of somebody in your life, would you reach out and share today's episode with them?

Maybe it's a mother, a father, somebody who's experienced loss in their life, somebody who you know deep in your heart needs to hear this.

Well, my friend, just take the extra step and share today's episode with them.

It's such an easy thing to do, and yet it might just be the very thing that that person needed to hear today.

So, my friend, I encourage you to share it with whoever you think of while listening.

And with that, I turn it over.

Here is my interview with Amber Emily.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I got Grit Grayson Inspiration on my mind.

SPEAKER_02: What is going on, my friend, and welcome back to Grit Grace and Inspiration.

Today I have the absolute joy and honor of being in the studio by none other than Amber Emily Smith.

Amber, it is an absolute pleasure to have you.

Thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad to talk with you.

This is gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.

Well, well, Amber, I'm excited to get to explore several different areas kind of of your story.

But I feel like the first place I would love to start is like getting to know you a little bit better.

And so if you wouldn't mind if we kind of just rewound the the uh tape a little bit, before marriage, before family, all of that, like growing up, what were your kind of maybe hopes and dreams and plans for your future at that point in life?

SPEAKER_00: Goodness.

I I've lived in Texas my whole life.

I'm a born and raised Texas girl.

I love it here.

When I was younger, I was a cheerleader and I played tennis and I just really enjoyed time with my friends.

And then I think I thought when I was a little girl that I all I ever knew that I wanted to do was be a mom.

And my like career, I guess, aspirations, if I had any at that time, was to I had a went to college for a degree in broadcasting.

And I thought that I was gonna be an e-news reporter.

I thought that I was gonna be interviewing, you know, all the stars and the celebrities and walking red carpets, you know, doing interviews for movies.

And the Lord definitely had other plans for my life.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, as he often does, as I often joke, if he would just cue us in on his plans before we went down different paths, it would make life a little bit easier.

SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, now so you spoke about knowing that you wanted to be a mom.

What how did you know that growing up?

SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I think I was just a little girl who always played family, always played with baby dolls.

I mean, every little friend that I would go to their house, that's all we would play.

And I just loved that nurturing aspect of being a mom.

And I I just knew, you know, I flip-flopped in my degree multiple times, and I just really thought, I just, I just want to grow up and be a mom and get married and have kiddos, and never really had like a solid, hard-driven drive to complete that that one goal that I thought I had for being an entertainment reporter, or I would have gone after it harder.

I just, after college, I met Granger and we ended up starting a family pretty quickly.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

Wow.

Well, how did the two of you meet?

SPEAKER_00: We met in 2009.

I was doing acting part-time, little commercials here and there, really terrible.

I shouldn't say terrible, they're they're good, good productions, but just, you know, movies on sci-fi and things like that, just for fun.

And I really, really enjoyed that.

And then I got a message one day that a a country artist was looking for a girl to play the love interest for his music video.

And I thought, well, that would be fun.

That's just something to add to my resume.

So I auditioned and we we met and I booked the role, and then we spent the entire day together um filming his first music video.

And when I left that night, I just realized that I felt something more than I thought that I would.

You know, I thought I was just gonna go in and play a role and be acting, and I realized that I needed to see him again.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Matt on the scene of a shoot for a music video.

Now that is just that sounds like a movie in of itself.

SPEAKER_00: Isn't that just country cliche?

unknown: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm sitting here thinking in my head, I'm like, did I see that on like the Hallmark channel or something?

That is too cool.

Well, I want to get back to that story, but one thing I had wanted to ask you was I know faith is a big part of who you are today.

Where did that begin for you?

Your your whole faith journey.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I wish I could say that it started when I was a little girl.

And I guess I need to give credit to my parents.

They I came from a divorced family, lots of divorce on my my dad's side, but my mom remarried and she tried to keep the foundation of church going.

And she took us to an episcopal church off and on, but it was never really ingrained in our minds and our hearts.

We never really brought it home with us.

I think it was just something that was more of like a checking the box, like we thought that was kind of what we were supposed to do.

And so I just was a very lost teenager and young adult.

And I I said the prayer, the sinner's prayer, when I was 14 at a church camp, but I was not living a life surrendered to Christ.

I I very much was living of the world and I think struggling with I, with who I was and and I sought love in all the wrong places and just trying to heal from divorce and lots of different things.

So I didn't have a relationship with Christ until he brought me, until actually after Granger and I got married, and and the Lord brought us through a really, really deep season of suffering.

That's where the Lord got a hold of my heart and transformed me.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

I I'm I'm excited for us to get to that aspect because what you just said there is a pivotal point where things happen in our lives, and I feel like they can either bring us close to God or they can take us away.

And so I'm I'm excited to get there.

I'm gonna hold my anticipation a little bit longer before we dive into that part of your story.

But but so with that foundation laid, you met Granger, you guys obviously hit it off on the set of the filming of his show.

How fast did things transpire from there to you guys dating and getting married and family and all of that?

SPEAKER_00: So we waited about a month after the music video shoot and got together for coffee, and we ended up just dating after that.

And we dated for six months before we were engaged, and then we were married a year and two days after we met.

So it was pretty quickly.

Um, we were a little older, so we kind of knew what we wanted and what we were looking for.

So yeah, that was it moved pretty quickly.

SPEAKER_02: I I was gonna say, can we just like say like pretty quickly is an understatement?

Like that's really that's really pretty quick.

I mean, that's absolutely amazing.

What was it about Granger when when the two of you met?

What was it about him that that made you think, huh, there's something there?

SPEAKER_00: Well, I think initially it was just that attraction that I wasn't expecting to feel because I thought I was just gonna go in and work on a a video.

And I think just his kindness, his humility, um, he was funny.

He just had a very gentle nature about him.

And and I was actually, I had just started dating someone at the time for about a month.

And he was such a gentleman in the way that, you know, he was like, well, even if you feel something, it's probably more of an indication that you need to end that other relationship.

So he was, he was just very kind and respectful of that other person and then my what I was going through at the time and didn't push or rush anything, gave me space to to figure that out before we started dating.

And I just thought that was really such a character, a character move on his part.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Oh, absolutely, absolutely.

Now, how close are the two of you in age?

SPEAKER_00: He's 45.

I'm 43, so just a couple years.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh wow.

We'll we'll we'll consider that basically the same.

Yeah, that's amazing.

Wow.

Now, how old were the two of you at that time?

SPEAKER_00: 28.

Well, 27, yeah.

unknown: Okay.

SPEAKER_02: I can't even remember now.

SPEAKER_00: I had my first, we had we had London when I was 30.

So yes, probably 28 when we met.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, amazing, amazing.

Now, when you got involved with Granger, he was already at that point, obviously, shooting movie video music videos.

So he was already into his career.

Did that in any way, shape, or form make you think, huh, do I really want to get involved with somebody in this celebrity status?

Or was that just not even really um in the equation?

SPEAKER_00: So he was just starting out.

So he was traveling around singing and at bars and clubs, but a lot of the time the bars and clubs were empty.

Uh, there was just a couple of people in there.

So he hadn't reached, you know, his his career status yet.

But I did, it wasn't me who thought that.

It was like a a few friends and family were like, Are you sure you want to date a singer?

Are you sure you want to date a musician?

You know, we always hear that they cheat on their girlfriends or cheat on their wives.

Are you sure you want to get involved in that?

And I was just like, that is not Granger.

He is not that guy.

Yeah, I never once had any question about his heart uh for me.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's that's absolutely amazing.

Starting a family, we already talked about that that you knew that you wanted to have a family, you wanted to be a mom.

So what was it like for you actually getting to start a family?

SPEAKER_00: It was amazing.

I mean, I I I truly loved being pregnant.

I didn't didn't have any complications or anything.

I loved being able to feel, you know, my little baby grow and just the anticipation of what that meant for us as a family and just getting to see their faces for the first time.

It really truly felt like, you know, our plan as we wanted it in our earthly minds was unfolding just like we wanted.

We would get married, we would wait a year, we would have a little baby, then we would have another two years later.

Like we kept planning and everything kept to seem to keep unfolding just the way our uh our earthly desires wanted to go.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, amazing.

Now, how long was it in between you having London and then your second child?

SPEAKER_00: About two years and four months.

SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay, amazing.

And then you waited how much longer before having river?

SPEAKER_00: It was just it was about the same.

They're they were all kind of just about the same distance apart, about two and a half years.

SPEAKER_02: You you were a couple with a plan.

You guys were following We thought we were, yeah.

Yes, yes, amazing.

So getting to this this point in your story, which honestly, this is the point when when I started following the I guess the the YouTube channel is when things in life started not to go so great, when tragedy happens.

Before we even get to that story, what was life looking like for you guys at this point?

SPEAKER_00: At this point, we this was around uh between between 2015 and 2019, Granger's career had really started to take off.

He was selling out arenas, he had number one, a number one single, uh, our marriage was really good.

We had three healthy kids, we had some animals, you know, we had two dogs and a cat, and we had we had worked hard and we had our quote dream home, and we were living on a little piece of land, and everything just felt like, man, we are truly happy.

Like everything is is really going well.

We're enjoying each other, we're enjoying our children.

Everything at that point was really, really good.

And I had, I had just, we had just started to lay the foundation for our children of going to church.

I had just taken them to church the year before.

I was reading devotionals for the first time, I was praying and joining Bible studies for the first time in my life.

So everything just kind of felt like, man, this is we're in a really good space.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Now, was it during this time when you guys started your YouTube channel?

SPEAKER_00: It was.

We started it in March of 2019, and we had some other, it was kind of when the vlogging was really big on YouTube, and we had some other influencers that just said, you guys should film, you know, Granger on the Road versus Amber at home with the kids.

We think people would really like that.

So we just started filming those episodes, and they were so fun to have just home footage of the kids and kind of give give Granger's fans an inside look at what his life looked like versus what my life looked like at home.

So that was kind of when we started The Smiths.

SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.

Amazing, amazing.

Was that at all difficult at that point really opening up and in and showing people into your life?

SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think so.

I don't think it was at that point.

I think we saw it as really fun and and we enjoyed watching it because I didn't get to see a lot of of Granger on the road, and he didn't get to see a lot of what we were doing at home because we were separated.

He was so busy.

So it was nice, you know, when our editor would compile all of that, and we actually got to watch it and and fans were really enjoying it.

So um, it was a fun time for us.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay, okay, amazing.

So at this point, your kids, the three kids are what ages?

SPEAKER_00: Seven, five, and three.

SPEAKER_02: Seven, five, and three.

I'm gonna ask you to share it however you would like to share it, whatever point you want to pick up in the story.

But um, we've been talking about this, this life.

It's been going amazing.

You've been been checking boxes, but more than that, you've just been been truly loving life as a mom, as a wife.

You have this YouTube channel.

But talk to me about the what happened with River.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I said, I we we were in a really good place.

Granger was actually getting ready to leave for the CMT awards the next day of when our our tragedy happened.

And it was a normal night in June.

And we had just finished dinner.

I got River out of his high chair.

The kids wanted to go outside and play.

It was a beautiful night.

The French doors were open, and I I had I had honestly had a tough day as a mom.

I was just exhausted and I wanted to go take a shower after dinner.

So I let the kids go outside with Granger to play.

And I went back to take a shower.

And about, I would say between six and eight minutes, I heard screaming from down the hall, and all I could hear were the words river and pool.

And we had a pool, but we had a four-sided iron fence uh with a lock.

So all of this stuff was like swirling in my mind, like there's no way that those two words could go together.

First of all, we had a gate, you know, Granger was outside.

He there's like I was running down the hall trying to make sense of what was going on.

And I thought, well, if he did fall in the pool, he must still be in the water.

And I'm gonna run out and I'm gonna scoop him up and he's gonna be fine.

But when I ran outside, I yelled, where's daddy?

And I immediately turned to my right and I saw Granger on the on his knees doing CPR on River inside of our locked pool gate.

And so I ran out and he yelled at me to call 911, and I was like, still couldn't process what I'd just seen.

I'd just seen my lifeless child that I just saw happy and smiling, and he was now lifeless.

So I ran back in.

I called 911 and we took turns doing CPR on him for about 10 minutes.

And uh the paramedics came and they ended up getting his heartbeat back.

So we thought he's gonna be okay, he's gonna be okay.

He might be sick, but we'll go to the hospital and he'll be okay.

So we we we followed the ambulance to the hospital and they worked on him.

And I would say about 12 to 14 hours later, the doctor came in and he just said there's zero brain activity on River.

He said there's zero chance that he will ever open his eyes or recover.

And it just seemed like everything happened so fast.

Like I didn't even have time to process what was going on.

And now, in the span of 13 hours, my son is never gonna wake up again.

It's like, as a mom, you can't comprehend that.

And so we we stayed in the hospital for three days and ended up, you know, we prayed for a miracle, but we ended up having to say goodbye to him in the hospital three days later.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

It goes without saying that I I can't even imagine.

unknown: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: You're the two older kids.

They were they were there through it all.

They were were outside.

They were how do you balance being a mother who just lost a child while still being a mother of two children who need their mom?

SPEAKER_00: That was one of the hardest things that I've ever done.

And when you're grieving so so bad, and you still have a husband and you still have two children who need you, and you still have to do the laundry and the dishes and all the things that, you know, none of those mundane things matter.

But you know that you have these little babies and they were so little and so innocent, and they needed their mom.

They needed me to get up out of bed, and they needed me to take care of them.

And it was really difficult.

But I would, I would get up early before they got up for school, and I would go in the bathroom and or I would go outside and I would just cry and scream and let all my grief out.

And then I would wipe my eyes, and then I would go wake them up for school and pack their lunches and do all the things that I had to do.

And then when they were at school, I would obviously grieve and cry and pray.

But it was, it was it was difficult because they were grieving in their own way too.

And with them being so little, they they couldn't quite process that grief.

London was a little more emotional.

Lincoln, he was five.

I mean, his little brain couldn't even really comprehend what was going on, so he just still wanted to play.

You know, he was a little boy.

So that was a really, a really tricky thing to navigate.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

And the home that you guys were in, you guys had recently moved into that home, correct?

SPEAKER_00: We had lived there since River was born, so a few years.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I think it was about maybe five, I guess.

We moved there, maybe when Lincoln was a baby.

SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.

Yeah.

So what what I what I'm sitting here thinking in my head is is you you come back home to your home where this happened.

That has to be hard to be back to look out the backyard every day and see where your little boy just was.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was it was awful.

And our driveway, as you pull into the driveway, it pulls right up.

To the pool, like you're facing the pool.

So every day we would come home, that's what we saw.

And, you know, with our children still being little, they wanted to play outside in the backyard all the time.

So every time we would be out there, we were just staring at it.

And it just became too much.

And we realized we couldn't be the parents that we needed to be for London and Lincoln if we had stayed there.

So we decided that we needed to move.

And that was that was really difficult because it felt like, I mean, those were that was Rivers Woods, and that's where he played, and that's where we had so many good memories.

But that one awful night just overshadowed all of them.

And we just had we had to move and get to a new place where we thought that we could try to begin healing.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Yeah.

Before we we move forward, would you mind sharing a little bit about your kids and especially about River?

Would you mind just I would love to be sure that, you know, I followed y'all's YouTube channel.

I feel like I know your family, I know your kids.

But for the person listening who hasn't, would you mind just sharing with us a little bit more about them?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they, gosh, I'm biased, but our kiddos are just incredible and they're so kind and loving.

And London, um, at the time, you know, she was she was seven and she just adored animals and had the sweetest heart and um loved to sing and dance and draw and loved art.

And Lincoln loved to play little sports.

And at that time he was little, so he was more into like figures and superheroes and and things like that.

But and River was just, they're all such lights.

And we did this thing at our house.

We just loved to do kitchen dance parties.

So we would always turn on the the radio really loud and just I would just let the kids dance on the kitchen tables and on the countertops, and we would play little play guitars and we would bake cookies all the time and make messes and color and our our our house was just so full of life and joy and and complete disaster and chaos.

But it was it was so beautiful.

Yeah, they just of course they fought like all kids do, but but they also truly just loved each other.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

One thing about about River that I know from from uh from actually reading Granger's book is that talked about that River, he loved to go fast.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

Everything he did in his in his life was fast.

SPEAKER_02: And uh, would you mind sharing with me if if it's okay, the decision, because you guys ended up donating whatever organs you could, correct?

SPEAKER_00: Yes, we did.

SPEAKER_02: Would you mind sharing with me a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we were we were in the hospital and I think it was day two, and we knew that we were gonna have to say goodbye to him.

And and I was just I was just sitting there, and I've always wanted to be an organ donor since I was a teenager, and I just thought, you know, if something were to ever happen to me, I I would want to to help other people if I could.

And I just never thought that I would have to make that decision for my child, but I just felt so strongly that River, his little body was was so perfect, and I just couldn't imagine burying him if he could help other people.

So I I brought up the idea of organ donation to the doctors, and that that actually bought us an extra 24 hours with him because they had to find the recipient.

So he ended up saving a 49-year-old woman and a 53-year-old man, which was shocking to me because he was so little I thought he would save children.

But as with everything, God always does different things than you think.

And um, we told the doctors they they do what's called an honor walk, where it's when you're walking the child or adult into surgery, they wheel them down the the hospital hallway, and all the nurses and doctors and family line the halls, and he was laying in his little bed and we were following him, and and we said, um, Reaver always liked to go fast.

SPEAKER_01: So could you guys push him fast one last time?

And so they um they pushed him really fast down the hallway, and I think that was the first time that we smiled in like three days, and then they wheeled him in, and then the doors closed, and that was the last time I saw him.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

Wow.

It's such a um it's such a beautiful moment in the midst of such an unbelievable nightmare.

And I guess what um what I what I take from that story is is an applause to the hospital staff of of them making this last honor walk of this little child one one for the books.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

Did you ever I know you shared their their ages, but did you ever get to to to meet, or did you ever even want to the people who were recipients?

SPEAKER_00: I did.

I've only met one of them, but she lives close to us in Austin, and she was on kidney dialysis.

Uh well, uh she's had uh polycystic kidney syndrome since she was a little girl.

And for three whole years, Rivers' whole life, she was tethered to uh a dialysis machine for eight to ten hours a day.

And it's just such a beautiful thought of Rivers' whole life.

She was stuck to this machine, and he ended up being able to have her removed from that and and save her.

And she's she has a very beautiful life now, and she's um she's married and has kids, and she sent me a picture recently of her on the beach um wearing a live-like rib shirt.

SPEAKER_01: So it's really sweet.

SPEAKER_02: Wow, wow, oh Amber, I I I know none of this is easy to talk about, and I I want to take the moment to just um thank you though for your willingness to share such uh intimate and heart-wrenching part of of your story.

Um for the simple hope that there's another mother or father listening to this today, who it just helps them to realize that they're not alone.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the goal.

That's the goal.

SPEAKER_00: It's just this world is broken and fallen and and everyone is suffering something, and it's so good for us to share our stories so that we can help each other along and remind each other that they're not alone and that there is hope in whatever hard thing that they're going through.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Yeah.

We spoke earlier in our conversation about faith.

How did it work out for you after the loss of River that you turned to God instead of away from God?

SPEAKER_00: I think about that a lot because I know that there are some people who run away and get so angry at God and turn away.

And all I can say is that I it must have just been a grace from the Lord that I can look back now and see that year before when I was going to Bible studies and reading devotionals and going to church, that he had been slowly planting seeds.

You know, I had heard the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

So when my heart broke, I ran to him instead of running away and cried out to him and begged him to be with me and show me that he was uh real and show me that this had meaning and purpose.

And I just, I really just laid on my bathroom floor and just surrendered everything to the Lord and just said, I can't do this.

I cannot do this, God.

I can't do this by myself.

And I would lament and cry and pray.

And that's about the time that Granger and I started reading our Bibles for the first time.

I was 38 and I we read our Bible cover to cover at 38 years old.

And as I slowly began to pour over the scriptures and pray and cry, I just started seeing things.

The Lord started opening my eyes and revealing who he is, and that he is so close and that he does have a plan and a purpose, and that he does love me, and that he is good, so that whatever I'm going through, there has to be a purpose behind it, and that I'm not alone and that he is sovereign and he doesn't miss anything, and that I can trust him.

And so I just did that day after day after day, and slowly he began healing my heart little by little.

And it it's not something you ever get over.

I cry, I still cry over a river, but it's something that has allowed me to be sustained and truly test my faith and refine me and and take the focus off of myself and put it put it on the Lord.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

Praise Jesus for that.

Praise Jesus for that.

Wow.

I guess my next question, and obviously I'm I'm skipping over a a lot in this journey that you would have to be on to begin healing from from such a loss, but at what point and how did it even happen that you guys would make the decision to want to try to have another child?

SPEAKER_00: That came a couple months, I would say a few months after we were grieving the loss of Riv.

I think, I think Granger just truly felt, you know, he came to me one day when I was getting ready and I was, I was in the restroom and getting dressed, and he said, you know, would you ever think about having another baby?

And I was kind of shocked.

I was and I immediately said, no.

I said, absolutely not.

I like we just buried our son.

I I it would be like a betrayal.

I could never, I could never have another baby.

River was always supposed to be our last baby.

And he was like, okay.

And he's like, I just wanted you to know if you were ever thinking about it, you know, that I it's kind of on my heart too.

He said, I just feel like I have so much more love left to give.

And so we kind of tabled it for a little while, and but he couldn't shake that feeling.

He kept saying, I feel like we are supposed to have another baby.

So I just felt, you know, I kept thinking, like, Lord, why aren't you telling me?

Why aren't you telling me that we should have another baby?

And I just remember my mother-in-law saying to me one time that she had felt strongly about something, but the Lord laid on her, I don't only have to work through you, I can work through your husband.

And so I just felt like I needed to honor him and open that door.

So we just prayed and I just was like, Lord, if this is in your will, then then help us to walk through it.

But I I had had my tubes tied after river because we thought we were finished.

So our only options were to reverse that or to explore.

Um, my doctor told me we could explore IVF, which both were very costly and both were probably like low, low, low percentage, especially at my age, because I was 39.

But ultimately we decided to go the IVF route.

And yeah, we just started that process of seeing if we would have another biological baby.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

How was that for you doing IVF?

Did you did you have success right away?

Did it take a long time?

SPEAKER_00: We had decided right from the beginning we were only going to do one round.

We weren't gonna keep trying and keep trying.

So we ended up going through all the shots and the procedures and all the tests and everything.

And it was hard.

It was really hard on my body.

And, you know, we were wrestling with is this the right thing?

Is this sinful?

Is you know, we kept like lamenting to God, like, show us if what we're doing is wrong.

And I know there's a lot of ethical things that go along with IVF that are really tricky and confusing, and we really had to pray through all of that.

Ultimately, we had two viable embryos and we implanted one and I miscarried.

So that was another loss that we had to go through.

And then the second time, I mean, even at that point, Granger was like, we don't have to do this anymore.

I don't want you to hurt anymore.

You've already been through too much pain.

And I said, No, we have one embryo left.

Like, we can't just leave, we can't leave it.

We have to try.

So, but I I went back and told the doctors I wanted to do it naturally.

So I didn't take any of the shots of the hormones or anything.

And I just thought, we're gonna try this.

If the Lord grants it, then he grants it.

If not, then we'll be finished.

And we implanted and ended up pregnant, and we ended up having little Maverick.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

How did you guys decide on the name Maverick?

SPEAKER_00: I knew that I I wanted to have a little tribute to River in whatever name we picked.

So I wanted the letters R-I-V to be somewhere in the name.

And there's really only a couple for boys that have that.

I think we looked at Oliver, we looked at Averett, and then Maverick.

And it maverick was just the clear winner.

Granger loved the movie Top Gun, and Maverick was just a really cool, just a cool name.

We were gonna do Everly for a girl, but it ended up being Maverick, and it the name fits him so well.

It's insane.

He is wild and independent and goes his own way and carves his own path, and it's just such it's so fitting for who he is.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Now, now, how old is is Maverick now, though, while we're recording?

SPEAKER_00: Well, he it's crazy.

He j he passed his older brother.

He's he's older than River now, and he's gonna be four in August, which is another it's his a birthday that we didn't get to celebrate with River.

So it's it's a bittersweet thing that he's now older than his brother was.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

In your family, and and I don't even know really how to ask the question, but do you guys keep the memory of River alive?

Like in the fact of do you encourage your kids to, if they think about River, to talk about River, to share memories of River?

How has that been handled?

SPEAKER_00: All the time.

That was something from the very beginning.

We left all the pictures up.

We let the kids play in his room, we let them play with his toys.

We told them anytime they thought about river, or you know, because we had those home videos.

If they ever wanted to watch River or watch videos, we could.

So he's just very much been a part of our family.

We've just very much kept his little legacy alive.

We still have photos up of him.

Maverick this morning was just watching, he will wake up and say, I want to watch River Tractor video, or I want to watch River at the zoo.

Like he wants to watch his brother.

Um, and we didn't even encourage that.

He just started watching it.

And uh we just sell it, we celebrated River's birthday.

Um it was May 16th.

And we have always said from the beginning that we weren't gonna say River would be five or he would be eight or he would be 15.

We would, we just said he was always meant to be three.

Those are the days that God allowed for him, and that's what we celebrate.

So we'll we always get a cake on his birthday and we sing, but it always has three candles on it.

So we sang for his birthday and had some cake and just kind of celebrated his little his little life.

SPEAKER_02: Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

How have your your two the older kids, how have they done through all this time since the loss of their little brother?

SPEAKER_00: Man, so surprisingly well.

I mean, I was so scared.

I thought, I don't know what because they were there, they saw it.

It was it was traumatic and and you know, graphic and um awful.

And we we put them in play therapy right after it happened, and they were in it for about eight months, and just surely by the grace of God, and I guess how we've walked through this as a family, they are well adjusted and they are joyful and they love the Lord and they're not afraid to swim, and they talk about river all the time.

And I can't say how they will be later in life.

You know, I don't know what they will remember when they're older or or how they will process it when they're older, but right now they are in a great space, and I'm so, so thankful for that.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.

Wow, I wanted to ask one thing was we were talking about you guys had started your family YouTube channel.

And I know it's easy to be in the limelight when things are good.

But when this tragedy struck, did you guys ever consider stopping the filming of what you were going through?

Or did that never really cross your mind?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think actually, like on the way home from the hospital, I think Granger went on our YouTube and like turned everything to private.

He turned everything off and he just wanted us to be able to grieve.

And then, like I'd say a day or two later, you know, we thought we can run away and hide and delete ourselves and crawl in our hole and be alone, or we can film what's going on and we can be honest and vulnerable and we can open up our lives and realize everyone is hurting and people are grieving.

And perhaps somebody needs to see how we walk through this, and perhaps we can be hopeful in some way to some other family who is hurting.

And so we turn the cameras back on and kind of started filming our grief in real time.

And we were met with so much kindness and love.

I would say 99% kindness and love, but also that 1% of just just awful, mean people who just judge and blame and shame and just say really, really hurtful things.

And that was hard to navigate for a while, but we've come to to a place where we don't let those judgments hurt us anymore because we know who we are as a family and we know who we are in the Lord and we trust the Lord.

And so yeah, we don't we don't allow those comments to have their sting like they used to.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uh that's that's good.

I know that has to be easier said than done at times.

SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: But um, but Amber, you know, I know I told you when I reached out to you that being a a follower of of y'all's family's YouTube channel, I've I've watched this story play out.

And I one thing that I have found just so admirable is the way in which you and Granger have carried yourselves since such tragedy.

In the fact that I mean, here he's already published a book, you're publishing a book, you're sharing your story here on my podcast, but even the fact of of in and I would love for you to share more details, but doing things in the honor of your son with the River Kelly Fund.

It is so admirable of the two of you.

And I just had to take a moment to just acknowledge that and to applaud how amazing the two of you are.

SPEAKER_00: Thank you.

We I couldn't have done that, obviously, without the strength of the Lord.

I just we knew that we wanted to give back to the children's hospital who cared for River because they were incredible.

And so that was kind of our first way to give back as we raised money for the hospital.

And and then I felt like, man, this is this is awesome.

Like this is giving me purpose and and pain.

And if we could, if we could start something and and raise awareness about water safety and give back all over the world, you know, that that would keep his little legacy alive and that would give me purpose through my pain and be able to help others in his honor would just be so awesome.

And so we've been able to do that.

And it's been it's been a really joyful, joyful thing for us to do, to be able to give back in that way.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

That's absolutely amazing.

Um, would you mind sharing with me a little bit more about the foundation if that's something that you guys are are still doing and where people can learn more?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.

We just switched it over from a fund to a foundation.

So you can go to RiverKellyFoundation.org.

We've given to over 35, I would say 35 to 40 different organizations.

We didn't want to frame it just to give back in one area.

So we have we're able to give back all over the world in many different ways.

We've given uh swim scholarships for water safety, we've done cancer research, we've helped citizens with disabilities, we've helped veterans and disaster relief, and you know, the list just goes on and on.

And we just try to give wherever the biggest need is at the time.

And um, yeah, we still give today.

Uh, we have our our 2025, we always come out with a new shirt every year for River.

So those shirts are up now at ye.com, and all the proceeds go to benefit the River Kelly Fund.

We have our our children's book where the dinosaurs roar, and proceeds from that book also go to the River Kelly Fund, and that's on the ye.com website as well.

So yeah, we just are trucking along, trying to give back in all the ways that we can.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I think that's absolutely uh amazing.

Now, whose idea was it?

The idea of sharing your stories in a book.

SPEAKER_00: Gosh, now that I think about it, I I don't know that it was I'm trying to think if it was Grangers or if somebody, if somebody said that he should have written a book.

I think maybe he just felt like he needed to get some things out and down.

And I was actually so glad that he had decided to write his book because I felt like he was holding in a lot of his grief and I was really scared it was gonna explode one day if he didn't process it.

So when he said he was writing a book, I was like, thank you, Lord, he's gonna finally get it all out.

Um so I was grateful for that.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, amazing, amazing.

Now, so when did you decide that you would want to write a book also?

SPEAKER_00: I still feel so unqualified, but after Granger's book came out, you know, it mainly was his side of the story.

And so a lot of people who followed us were like, well, where is Amber's side?

We want to hear what Amber went through and we want to see how she processed her grief.

And so Granger, Granger was the one who kind of encouraged me.

He said, You need to tell your story.

You need to, you need to get your story out there.

So it's a really neat thing that we're gonna be able to have both aspects of a husband and wife grieving the loss of a child together.

And it's not just a book about child.

It's about all kinds of loss and just that this is a broken world.

But I pray that it it allows people to see that there is hope in our hope in our pain, that we have a living hope, and um, this is not the end, this is not the end of your story, and oftentimes it can be actually the beginning.

I mean, it was the beginning for me.

Our loss broke something new in me.

And it it the girl that I was died at the pool with my son, but a new woman by the grace of God has emerged, and so yeah, I'm excited.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

Well, I can say Granger's story, which his book is called Like a River, correct?

SPEAKER_01: Yes.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can say that I listened to the audiobook on a road trip from our home in Florida to North Carolina with with my mom and my mom's cousin.

And um and I can tell you that the three of us, people passing us, must have thought we were a bunch of messes because we were in the car crying, um, laughing.

It was one of the most memorable road trips I've ever taken.

SPEAKER_00: I love that.

SPEAKER_02: What do you hope?

I I know at the time that we're recording this, I know all the details haven't been revealed yet.

But what can you kind of tell us a little bit about your book and and maybe who you hope reads it?

SPEAKER_00: It's a very raw, real look at grief from a mother's perspective and and how I navigated that with my family, with my husband.

Well I am not the same woman that I was.

And I I hope that people come away from it with a deeper desire to know the Lord.

I pray that people come away from it with a hope inside of them that no matter what comes their way, that they can make it through anything this side of heaven, and that we have a God who loves them, who has chosen them, who desires a relationship with them, who doesn't miss anything, who is in every single detail of their story, the good, the bad, the hard parts, and how a lot of times the hard parts of our story are what make us into who we are and they refine us and purify us and make us more

like Christ.

And I really hope I hope many, many people read the story, whether they're grieving now or have been grieving or are just preparing for a season of suffering, because sadly we will all face some kind of suffering, whether that's a broken marriage or a disability or a a child loss or a diagnosis or even loss of a pet or loss of a job.

I mean, we all suffer in some ways.

And I just hope people can can read the story and come out with a grit, a grit about you know how they're gonna walk through suffering looking to the grace of God.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, amazing, amazing.

Well, well, I know that um I certainly can't wait for for it to come out.

I I can't even imagine what it was like for you to write this book, though.

And again, I applaud you for for your willingness to share it for the hope of helping someone else.

SPEAKER_03: Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Now, kind of a different topic, but I I have to touch on it because obviously your your life has has changed dramatically in more ways than one.

Is that, you know, we started our conversation today talking about your husband Granger being a country music artist.

But that has all changed of in your life today.

How was that conversation?

Maybe that's the uh the better question to ask is whose idea was that or who broached that topic about hey honey, I think I'm gonna change careers.

SPEAKER_00: I think I think when we lost Riv, Granger went back to the road rather quickly.

And I think we could just tell that the road wasn't the same anymore.

Um, it was really hard for him with such deep grief.

But he did actually get to a point where he was able to do that and he did have joy on the stage again.

But as during this whole time when he was still touring, we were also going around and speaking at churches and kind of sharing our story.

And and one day he a pastor asked if he would come and sit and do an interview style, and and Granger said, Would you allow me to give a message?

And so he prepared a sermon.

And I remember the first time he got off the stage after he gave that sermon and shared the gospel, it was like this new fire had been lit in him, and the Lord slowly diminished his passion for music and raised it for sharing the gospel.

And so one day, you know, we were talking and he said, I think I'm I think I'm gonna stop touring.

I think I'm done.

And I was just he and he was actually gonna stop rather quickly.

And I said, Well, you need to say goodbye, you know, to all your friends.

And so he did a final farewell tour.

He enrolled in seminary, and he's now he's net a pastor at our loc at our local church.

And we have just really loved getting to serve our local body and walk with them through things.

And he loves preaching, he loves pastoring, he loves we love this season of life that we're in now.

We truly do.

It's it's been such a sweet season, and I'm so thankful.

Nothing that we would have ever written for our lives, I don't think, but something that's so much better.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's just such a testament to the power of God's plans.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: You know, his I always say that God's plans are are rarely anything that that we imagined or wanted.

And yet at the end, even through all the heartache, they're always the best plans.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Amber, I guess my my final question today is for the person listening today, who maybe they've been in that season or are in that season right now, where they're still grieving and they're still heartache, but what would you love just to end our conversation today by sharing with with that person?

SPEAKER_00: I think the first part is just acknowledge acknowledging their pain.

Because if they're if they're in a season of of fresh suffering and pain, it's it's so hard.

It's so painful.

And, you know, when you're in that deep grief, you don't want to hear God has a plan and you know, there's a purpose in this.

It's like, no, you just want to cry and you want to grieve.

And so I think initially just to say that I'm so sorry that you are in this season that this is not the way the world is supposed to be, and to allow yourself to mourn and to grieve and lament and cry out to God, but I would just say, please don't stay stuck there.

You're not meant to stay stuck there.

And there is hope and there is light.

And I promise, if you run to the Lord in your pain, he does not waste a thing.

He does not waste this pain.

And if you run to the God of the Bible, he will show you who he is.

And I think that we have this vision of God that we've been sold, you know, that he just wants you happy, healthy, and wealthy.

And that's not the God of Scripture.

The God of Scripture calls you to holiness.

And sometimes that's hard, and sometimes that's through trials and pain.

And it it but he promises that he never leaves us and he's always with us.

So to that person, I would say that you are not alone, that there is purpose in this as much as it hurts.

And I promise you, you will smile again, you will have joy again.

But don't stay stuck in that.

Don't let the enemy make you stay stuck in isolation.

Run to the Lord, he will heal your heart little by little every single day.

Your story is not over.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Amen to that.

Uh, Amber, uh from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for being willing to come on the podcast today to share your story.

It means the world to me.

And uh, I truly thank you.

SPEAKER_00: Thank you.

I'm glad we made it work.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.

Well, for you listening today, uh please be sure to follow up today's episode by going and grabbing a copy of Amber's book yet to be released, yet to even be named.

So be sure that um you check out the show notes for a link.

If show notes still leave you confused, well, easy does it.

Just go to my website, grit graceinspiration.com, and you can find all of the information right there for Amber's interview, her book, all the things.

And most of all, though, I would just like to say that I hope today's episode touched you, that it meant something to you.

And by all means, if there's somebody in your life who you think can benefit from hearing the story of a mom, of a wife, of a woman who's gone through the unimaginable and yet has come out the other side, well, please share today's episode with them.

My name is Kevin Lowe.

I'm your host, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_04: I got great grace and inspiration on my mind.

SPEAKER_02: Hey, awesome.

You're still here.

And since you were cool enough to listen all the way to the very end of today's episode, I have a special surprise for you.

The story you just heard, I turned it into a song.

Now, how is this possible for a guy who can't sing nor play an instrument?

Well, my friend, it's called Today's Modern Technology.

It is amazing.

And what I did was I took the essence of the story you just heard and turned it into a full song.

And that's what you're just about to hear.

Now, if you're curious to know how this works and if I can make a song for you, well, head on over to KLOMusic.com.

That is K-L-O-W-E-Music.com to have your own song created.

But until then, I hope you enjoy this song.

SPEAKER_04: Texas girl with a dream in her heart.

Red carpet spry light.

Thought that's where she'd start.

But the good lord whispered in ways she couldn't see.

Said I've got a different story for you and for me.

Music video shoot on the one spring day that a country boiled was on the way.

And I'm at my day, the doors open kids on the left day.

The doors with a left doors dance with a five days.

Then came a whisper baby in time.

With his brother's name.

He was always meant to be three.

That's the number of his life.

And we'll keep on living.

Keep telling his name.

Forever is a love that will never fade away.

SPEAKER_03: Observe the North American Dad.

50s.

Great polo collection.

He enters his vehicle information on Carvana.

An offer appears in minutes.

Remarkable.

He squints, reads it again, smiles, and says, Dang, that's a good offer.

The highest form of approval.

No haggling.

No hassle.

No one called him boss.

He's still on the couch.

Astonishing.

Sell your car today on Carvana.com.

Pick up Fees May Apply.