Hairstylist Turned Children’s Book Author: The Inspiring Story of D.C. Spaar

I wrote it, I sent it off, you know, just as a whim, a couple places, got the, oh, this is nice, but we're not looking, letters, and I shoved it in a drawer.

And as I'm making my masks, I'm like, man, this would be a really good time.

I got on unemployment.

I'm like, for me to really take a stab at this writing thing.

SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Kevin Lowe, the host of The Lowdown with Kevin Lowe.

Here on the podcast, my aim is to show you the world through blind eyes.

And my hope is that you leave feeling inspired, motivated, and excited to take on the day.

Hey, welcome back to the podcast.

Today you are tuning in to episode number 41, where I am joined by a guest, Danielle Spar.

Danielle, she utilized quarantine like no one I've heard of yet.

As I like to say, you know, it's only a bad situation if you allow it to be.

Because there's a lot of ways that we can turn something around, something that ordinarily looks like something bad, something from the outside that looks like nothing good could come out of it, well, you have the option to change that mindset.

And today's guest, she did that very thing.

After 25 years working in the hospitality industry, her life was turned upside down last year, as it was with so many people.

But you know what she did?

She, instead of wallowing in that pain and being so upset, she was like, you know what?

Maybe this is a time for me to turn that dream into reality.

And that was by becoming a published children's book author.

Matter of fact, she had written a children's book 12 years before.

And for whatever reason, she never did anything with it.

But now here she was in quarantine, and it was the perfect opportunity for her to make a go at it.

And well, I think her story is very inspiring in itself.

Not to mention she's just a pretty awesome, uplifting, positive person.

At the point where you're about to meet Danielle, she's going to give you a little bit of her backstory.

Because if I've learned anything over the years, is that hairdressers they tend to have some pretty funny stories up their sleeves.

And so I thought, you know what?

Let's get a little backstory on Danielle, figure out how she became a hairdresser, where that came from, and then of course, leading up to how in the world did we make the transition to becoming a children's book author?

So if you're ready, I want to go ahead and introduce you to Danielle Spar.

SPEAKER_03: Originally came from New England, and then I moved out.

Well, I didn't.

My parents moved us out to Minnesota, and so that's where I went to hair school, the Aveda Institute in Minneapolis, which was an education all its own because I came from a small town, so that was pretty exciting.

And then went we moved again and went out to DC area, and that's where I started doing hair back in 1995, which is so long ago.

SPEAKER_00: It's so funny because for like us who like grew up and stuff in the 90s, and now when you say, and like I still think of like most of my playlists as 90s music, and I'm like, it it doesn't seem like it's that old, but then when you say the date, it's like, whoa, man, that's a long time ago.

I know, right?

SPEAKER_03: Well, okay, it's pretty sad when the 90s music is like what the kids think is super cool and is coming back.

I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this whole coming back thing?

unknown: Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: I'm like, pretty soon we're gonna have those corduroy Billabong jackets.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, totally.

Yes.

Those were the cool kids.

SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes.

So that was, you know, interesting with hair.

It was, you know, coming out of the 80s.

Now we're into the 90s, which we still okay, I call it my poop roll bangs.

And I don't know if you came to remember, but all the girls would have this roll on the top of their head of just bangs, and then another little roll going down.

So up, down.

And oh my gosh, you look at pictures now, and it's just oh if I could blot it out, I would.

So yeah, and still a lot of perms and things like that, but 90s were definitely a fun era to do hair.

You know, Jennifer Aniston was huge.

SPEAKER_00: Yep.

SPEAKER_03: And oh my gosh, we did so many Jennifer cuts.

And yeah, you know, it was just it was super fun.

I was in a day spa and I had two educators on either side of me, and they, oh my gosh, they were hilarious because they they had a love-hate relationship.

So I'm in the middle, this brand new 18-year-old girl, and these two were just like flying things over me, and you know, going back, it was just it was hilarious.

I got a very good education in life at a salon.

Um, and I've always, always had two jobs.

And so I, as a teenager, waitressed, and then when I got a little older, I got into the banqueting field into hotels.

So yeah, wherever I've gone, I've I've always had this side gig.

My mother's voice comes to me saying, Don't put your eggs and all in one basket.

And I kind of took that to the extreme during my life.

So, yeah, so a banqueting I love too, because it's I'm one that like I could never be behind a desk, and which is hilarious because I'm behind a desk right now, but I couldn't, you know, just like nine to five, 40 hours a week, that I'd probably end up killing someone.

So I am always on the go, but I want to do different things.

So this kind of gave me that avenue where I did hair, I did that creative artistic outlet, but then I was doing banqueting, which is super fast, and I was good at it, so I felt confident.

And I've been doing that since I can remember, you know, for sure, 95.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so awesome.

That's so cool.

So cool.

So, yeah, that's what I started to say when you when you were talking about the the ladies who worked on either side of you and stuff.

I always say, from from growing up and going to, you know, different hair salons, basically wherever my mom went is where I would go and get my hair cut and and stuff too.

And and I've always said now, like, with all this stuff that goes on the hair salon, I mean, that's like nothing but like the mecca of gossip, you know?

It's and and I literally have said, I'm like, I was actually, I had actually went with my mom one day to get her hair cut recently.

This was in recent times, was with my mom, she was there, and and no, her hairdresser, she actually used to cut my hair and stuff.

And and I told her we were talking about my podcast, and I told her, I said, you know, I'm like, I almost feel like I could do a whole podcast on nothing but interviewing hair hairdressers and just getting them to spill the dirt.

SPEAKER_03: You I'm telling you, we are the cheapest psychiatrists there are.

Because people just, yeah, they sit in our chair and it everything comes out.

SPEAKER_00: That's right.

That's right.

That's so funny.

Well, I have to say, now now I'm now I've I've I've gone over to the bin side, I'm at the barber shop.

And and I mean, I love my barber, I love the barber shop.

I mean, it's it doesn't quite got that same uh same kind of energy as the hair salon, I must say.

SPEAKER_03: Yes, oh yeah, and it's great, it it's hilarious because you know you have these high profile people come in and you get to know them.

And hair is such a personal thing and it's such an intimate thing.

I remember in school they used to say that we had to be very respectful because we were one of the few professions that were allowed to touch people in in a very personal way, like in their bubble without really having to ask, you know, because that was, you know, us and doctors and dentists, like, and so to just keep that in mind that you know they're gonna get bonded with us because of that.

And I found that to be so, so true.

SPEAKER_00: So it's interesting.

I never even thought of it in that way, but that is so true.

That's very cool, very cool.

So now, now at some point, obviously, you became a mom because I I I know you you've talked about I've seen when I was reading up on you preparing for the interview.

That yeah, you didn't see no just kidding.

Yeah, that's every good podcast host must stop his guests.

Yes.

That's awesome.

But I I love the fact that I saw something that says that you are a mom of two very independent children.

SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00: Only moms can do that.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm settled on the terrible.

That's when I learned how valuable wine was to a woman.

SPEAKER_01: It's when I had kids.

SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.

Yeah, my do you have do you have daughters, sons?

SPEAKER_03: So I have a daughter who is my oldest.

She is 20 now, and I have my son who is 17 now.

And even other, so I was the parent that would show up, and the friend, my friends would be like, Wow, your kids are so so excitable and or active.

Like all these great words to say they were like crazy, okay?

And I just smile and like, yeah, I know, I know.

And my one friend was like, You do realize you had a stopper kid the first time around.

And I was like, What are you talking about, stopper kid?

He's like, you know, the kid that you have that you're like, I'm not gonna have any more kids.

And I was like, Yeah, I have two, dude.

And he's like, I know, you had two.

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: That is so funny.

SPEAKER_03: But they they it was never a dull moment, not one.

I mean, I have so many stories that I could be writing books for years to come just on what they put me through.

SPEAKER_00: That is that is so funny.

That is so funny.

SPEAKER_03: Well, I wanted them to be independent, you know.

I mean, I my parents were were awesome.

And, you know, I was that typical middle child syndrome, and and we had a lot going on in our life.

My brother had, you know, leukemia when he was born, my baby brother.

And so I definitely was the acting out sort and put my mother through the ringer.

In fact, I bought a book when I had my daughter, and she was probably two, of how to raise a spirited child.

And my mother started laughing when she saw me reading it.

And I was like, What are you what are you doing?

And she's like, Okay, I have the tape recordings of that book back when you were two.

SPEAKER_01: What?

No way.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was like named how, oh, how to raise a willful child.

And she's like, and I bought it because of you.

I'm like, well.

That sounds so funny.

Yeah, I was like, Well, you know what they say about karma.

SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, but she is, I mean, I love Taylor to death.

She's she kept me running as a young girl, as a teenager, very, you know, up typical, emotional, but she's 20 now, and I tell you, I couldn't be prouder to be her mom.

She is a smart, independent, and and and kind person, you know, and this is the girl that in kindergarten, she was like super excited.

She could not wait to go to kindergarten.

And of course, I'm like, okay, sure you want to go.

And she's like, yes.

And so we got all dressed and whatever.

She went to go out the door without me.

And I was like, uh, where are you going?

She's like, I'm walking to school, mom.

And I'm like, you're not walking to it.

I mean, we had a huge, a very busy road, like double-lane road that she would have had to cross.

I'm like, you're not walking.

She's like, Mom, I am in school now.

I can walk to school.

SPEAKER_01: And that pretty much summed up how she was her entire elementary.

SPEAKER_00: That's so funny.

I I understand now when you said not independent, but very independent.

Yes.

Yes, I know.

SPEAKER_03: It's I have so I have so many stories, but she would kill me if I told them all.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

Well, we we don't want to do that.

We don't want to do that.

We don't need to get mom in any more trouble.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.

So now uh in 2016, so we're going back now, what, five years ago, I know you had something big happen in your life.

SPEAKER_03: Yes.

And it was, I don't want to say expected, but we have had a lot of cancer in my family.

You know, and we had just kind of finished, my mom had gotten breast cancer in 2012.

And so we were finishing that, and I was encouraged to go get a mammogram by a workmate, and I was like, whatever, you know, I'm fine.

She's like, you need to go, you need to go.

And I'm like, I'm not paying for a doctor to be like, you're fine, you know, whatever.

Because I had it felt like clogged milk ducks, you know.

And I was like, they're gonna just tell me that, and I'm gonna spend like thousands of dollars.

So she's like, you are taking she like gave me something that was like free mammogram.

She's like, just take it, take it and go.

I was like, all right, fine.

Well, and that is when I got diagnosed with stage three, HER2 positive breast cancer.

Yep.

So that was at 39.

I was 39 years old.

SPEAKER_00: Wow, wow, wow, wow.

SPEAKER_03: So that was rough because my kids were young.

Yes, tailor, you know, and again, they they're very independent, but yet I was always take everything and let it roll off your back, you know, just go, go, go.

And I was like, how am I gonna do this with this?

Because I don't want to scare the kids.

And so a lot of when I was sick, everyone was like, you don't even act sick.

And I'd be like, mm-hmm.

And inside I'd be dying, you know, but I did not want my kids to be scared like they were gonna lose me or anything, you know?

SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_03: So I am super grateful for the research because five years previous, the drug that saved my life was not out, you know, and yeah, it's it just the type that I had, it was very aggressive.

And it ended up being this certain, I mean, they gave me four drugs, like they pumped me full of poison, but this one certain drug is what actually killed the specific gene that had mutated.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_03: So I went through the the ringer, you know, I went through heavy chemo, radiation, double massectomy, reconstruction, and I'm going in again for a little bit more reconstruction to kind of fix some things.

So definitely a long process.

SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely.

And I know, I know for my for my own family, I know the women in my family, it runs, it runs in in the family.

And I know, gosh, maybe a year or two ago, time always gets away from me.

So it's probably long ago than I think, is I remember my mom, she she had a scare.

And it ended up after several different types of you know, mammograms or whatever they did, you know, it turned out to to be nothing.

Okay.

But I can remember just even that.

I mean, even me, I mean, as as a as a grown adult, it's still my mom.

And and there's nothing quite like the relationship child has with their mother.

And I remember, I remember I was scared to death.

And and I mean, and I can can just imagine, you know, you with your kids, and and I was wondering, I mean, they were older by that point and stuff, but did did you feel like your the relationship even between you guys even probably got a little bit stronger through that?

SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, yeah, definitely.

My daughter, who internalized, you know, she kind of flipped a switch when she went into fifth grade and and everything got internalized, and we were dealing with anxiety and so forth.

And so I would try my best not to show, I guess, weakness.

And she understood that she always was a kid that could could kind of sense, like, say someone didn't like, you know, an adult didn't like her or whatever.

She'd be like, Why does that person not like me?

Like she'd get that, right?

So she was very intuitive.

And so through this, it was hard to to fool her.

And she would come and she would just lay down beside me.

Or when I would get that chemo can make you very paranoid, and I would get like super paranoid about her biking around.

I mean, we have a very safe town, but it was like, it wasn't my my mind wasn't in my control.

And she knew that, and she's like, Yep, I'll come home.

And yeah, and she just afterwards, we just had a talk recently, and she's like, Yeah, I had never seen you cry before you had cancer.

And I was like, Really?

And she goes, No, I didn't think you would.

SPEAKER_01: I was like, Oh, honey.

I cried a lot.

SPEAKER_03: I just didn't show you, but I couldn't control myself emotionally.

And that definitely she became protective and would have a huge help with her brother.

Her brother was younger, and of course, he didn't quite get it.

Like he did, but he was I he believed my lie that I was fine, you know.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, believed he was like, Okay, can you make me some breakfast?

SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah, he was so funny.

SPEAKER_03: So, but yeah, and and he knew I was sick and I didn't feel good, but it it was definitely take and our family grew very strong, you know, and and I wanted it make sure that it did do that because, like I said before, my brother, when he was three, he had already had a hole in his heart that had to be fixed, but then he got leukemia.

And sickness I found in a family either breaks you or makes you stronger.

And I wanted it to make sure that it made us stronger and not, you know, for the stress, the stress of me and Rick, my husband, for it to solidify us instead of the stress of everything, you know, breaking, getting mad at each other, whatever.

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep.

No, I know I know exactly what you mean.

I totally get it.

I totally get it.

Because I I went through the same thing when same type of situation when when we found out that I had a brain tumor when I was a teenager, and and when I had that surgery, and I said in times like that, it was a another reminder how my parents who had divorced when I was very young in like second grade, but in times when it mattered, I always said that the two families came together as if they were one.

SPEAKER_04: Yes.

SPEAKER_00: And you know, and and I feel like through what happened to me, that surgery, becoming blind and stuff.

I I do.

I feel like it there's always there's always little gifts, even in in the in the saddest and hardest times, there's goodness that comes and and those bonds being built stronger are definitely a blessing.

SPEAKER_03: Yep, exactly.

You really see that the people around you that love you, it it's not just for show, you know.

They really do, and they'll put aside their differences because they love you, you know.

SPEAKER_00: Exactly.

So now, so so that was in 2016.

So we jump ahead, we jump ahead four years.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, and what one other thing, real quick.

My husband lost his job in the middle of my treatment.

What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was great.

Oh So that was another, that's why it was like it was very stressful.

It wasn't just even sickness.

It was like, oh, okay, how are we gonna pay for this?

Like, I mean, and our insurance.

And it was like, we cannot miss, we cannot have a break in insurance.

We could never afford the treatments.

I mean, one drug alone, I had four, one drug alone was$17,000 every time they infused me with it.

And I had six infusions.

So that was yeah, a little crazy too.

SPEAKER_00: So just had a three.

You know?

Oh yeah.

It's like, it's like, come on, please.

A break would be so awesome right now.

It's like, no, you can take another whack.

You know?

Exactly.

Oh my gosh.

Wow.

Okay, so now we've just added on to it.

We've we've we've made the situation even more complex.

But then then we skip ahead to last year.

Because I know last year was 2020, it was obviously a big year for everybody in the world.

I don't know what you mean.

Danielle's like, what are you talking about?

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: But for you, it was a very pivotal year.

And I feel like, and so I would love for you to kind of unpack that for us.

Sure.

SPEAKER_03: So I was again always having two jobs, and I was a hairdresser and a banquet captain, they call, but kind of lead events at a hotel.

And the pandemic hit, and we kept hearing about like, you know, in Europe or in China, things shutting down.

We're like, yeah, that's never gonna happen here though.

So we'd go to work and we'd, you know, we're like, well, I haven't heard anything.

And then one day the world shut down.

And like we were working, and my manager came in and was like, We are shut down.

I was like, huh?

She's like, Yep, we are shut down.

And it was just the craziest thing.

And then we thought, oh, okay, fine, it'll be a couple weeks, you know?

And at first we were all like, woo-hoo, you know, baby picture, you know, we're forced to do nothing.

Hello, great.

And then, oh, it was the best because I swear everyone and their mother was running to the liquor store.

I was like, because you know, everyone's like, everything is closing.

SPEAKER_01: And then all of us are like, even the liquor stores.

And I went to get some wine, you know.

And oh yeah, there was so many people there.

I was like, oh man, I better load up.

Which we learned the next day, they were not gonna close.

So that was kind of hilarious.

Yes.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, but yeah, that was a definite, once the weeks went on and on, I was like, I can never sit still.

Okay.

So I mean, when I had cancer, the first day of my treatment, I came home and put a hole in my wall because I wanted to make a picture window in from my kitchen into my living room.

And I'm like, well, I'm gonna be out work anyways.

I might as well make it count.

And so I took a hammer and started, you know, opening a wall.

Like my husband never knows what he comes home to.

SPEAKER_00: Wow.

SPEAKER_03: So cool, and he, of course, was like, okay, so um, what kind of things can we do?

Like, how about you, how about you do this?

Like, he's giving me all these ideas.

And of course, I'm just like, shut up, I'll do what I want to do.

SPEAKER_00: Honey, I've been watching DIY be renovated by the end of this treatment.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

Picture of her on steroids, man.

SPEAKER_03: So I um we did, you know, and then of course my daughter's the same way as me.

And so she started like building things, and I'm like, ooh, I know I'll make masks.

So then, you know, I'm like making masks and whatever.

Well, in the back of my mind, I had written a children's story when Logan was four.

He, both my kids were like, you know, they they could read very well.

So I always had to had a little challenge finding books that were their level of reading but appropriate for their age.

And so I just started making up stories because Logan, you know, we kind of ran out of ideas or uh out of series, and I made a Logan Scott series because every kid loves a story about themselves.

And so I started that, you know, when he was four.

I wrote it, I sent it off, you know, just as a whim, a couple places, got the, oh, this is nice, but we're not looking, letters, and I shoved it in a drawer.

And as I'm making my masks, I'm like, man, this would be a really good time.

I got on unemployment.

I'm like, for me to really take a stab at this writing thing.

And so I started researching, you know, what should I do?

And at the time, 12 years ago, there really wasn't a lot of self-publishing, not as popular as it is today.

And so then I started researching in all these different things that you could do yourself.

You know, Katie Amazon came out with KDP, Barnes and Noble came out with Press.

And I was like, well, I could actually do this, I could get published and start this whole journey.

So I started doing it.

I started writing, I had different stories in my head, but I started writing them down, and then I went through the whole process of illustrating, of getting it edited, of getting a cover done, found all these different places that I guess the world knew about.

I had no clue.

You know, like fibber fever.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.

Yes.

I use that all the time.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was like, dang, this is awesome.

And so, yeah, then I released my first Logan Scott story about an early chapter book for young kids that are transitioning from picture book to chapters.

So it has a picture per chapter because I love there's a series called Juni B.

Jones, and we love that series.

We laughed out loud at that series.

And it had the kind of the same premise like a picture per chapter, and it was funny.

Like I enjoyed as a parent reading it.

So those were the things I wanted in my book.

I wanted it to be funny so that the parents got the jokes, you know, that I kind of slipped in there.

And then the pictures would also give the kids still that visual kind of boost for their imagination that they could be like, oh, okay, this is what, and then their imagination, you know, could take off.

So that is how the book got born is is because of the pandemic.

So, like you said before, it's like, yes, that was a horrible year, and I I, you know, my heart goes out to all those that have lost someone because of COVID.

But thankfully, in my case, there was a silver lining.

And I I was able to pivot, as you said, and start this completely different new career, and I found out that I really liked doing it.

That's what kind of shocked me.

SPEAKER_00: And that's so cool.

And I and I tell you though, to be honest, as I'm sitting here thinking about it from our earlier in the conversation, you can see though, where it plays right in line with the creativity that came with being a hairdresser to now designing these books for children.

And and I think that's pretty awesome.

Now, I'm curious, the illustrations, did you do those yourself or did you hire those to be done?

SPEAKER_03: So I did them myself, and I'm super embarrassed of the very first book.

Like if I could grab every single one of them that are out there and burn them, I would.

Oh no! Because okay, so my husband's like, yeah, yeah, you know, just throw up some some stick figures.

Like, look at Diary of the Wimpy Kid.

It's stick figures.

So I like literally in one night did like an illustration per chapter and took like a picture of it and loaded it up, didn't do anything.

I mean, it was it was from my coloring pencils.

I mean, it was so archaic.

And oh, oh yeah, it was a little cross.

SPEAKER_00: That's funny, that's funny.

So now, so now you said not just book, but books.

So, how many books have you published?

SPEAKER_03: So I've published four.

I have a a girl picture book called Nikki and Tay Tay, and then I have my my series, early chapter book called Logan, and uh it started as Logan Scott Files, but now it has turned to Logan and Emily Files, and I kind of dragged my niece's life into it because she's was just like my daughter.

Like she was that crazy independent child.

So I told her, I was like, um, you're actually gonna be in my book.

So I hope that's well that that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00: So what are the the books about?

Or at least at least one of them.

I would love to kind of know kind of what what would somebody expect with one of these books?

SPEAKER_03: Sure.

So it's about this boy that had this great talent of always finding things lost.

You know, uh neighbors would come to him and he found, you know, so-and-so's cat that nobody else could find.

He just had that knack.

And a secret task force of the police notices this talent of his, and they recruit him to secretly work for them on certain cases of things that are lost, that they just need a kid's perspective to find it.

And so I had the first one is a spoiled brat goes missing.

The second one is an award-winning Minnesota orchid lady slipper goes missing.

The third one is the mayor's labradoodle goes missing.

And now this fourth one that I'm actually in the process of publishing is it's a special edition because it's about my dad who has Alzheimer's and grandpa goes missing.

And yeah, that one I'm really excited about because I'm also going to give some of the proceeds that I get from the book for the book's life to the Alzheimer's Association.

SPEAKER_00: So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm really excited.

So awesome.

I'm really excited about that.

And that's that's another thing that happened in our life is we actually moved in with my parents.

We made the basement uh an apartment because my dad and mom did not want to move.

My dad's Alzheimer's was getting worse.

And so it was like, well, you you can't be by yourselves anymore.

So we again have our house rented and and live here.

And I I really want the conversation to get started with with parents and their kids because we had to have that with our kids, like, okay, this is what's happening.

It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

He may at some point in life not remember you, but he in his heart still loves you, you know.

And I just think that's so important to you, some people don't realize how much kids pick up.

And so that's why I created this book because I want to let them know that, yeah, this is happening, and I get it.

You understand what's happening.

And here it is.

Here's a conversation that you can have.

SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.

I've I've always said that people do not give kids enough credit.

Kids are so much smarter than parents want to realize.

Yep.

And and and by kind of negating to talk about that and treating them like they don't know, it's really kind of doing more harm than good.

SPEAKER_03: It really is.

Because then, especially now in the tech world, I mean, you can go on Google and and do that whole deep dive.

And kids, oh my goodness, I so I I I read children's books online too, because when the pandemic hit, I I realized that oh, these poor parents, you know, now have to become teachers, and it was and and have to work.

So I started doing a YouTube, like read read books for kids for free.

And oh see, now my brain doesn't work.

Now I was like, why did I start that conversation?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, but so I was doing this, and I of course couldn't figure out the dumb computer, and all these kids that were online, they're like, Yeah, we've had an iPad since we were three.

Oh, yeah, I've had an iPad since I was two.

And like they're telling me how to do it.

So kids are super smart.

And they get, you know, and they can go online and they can maybe even get scared of what by what's out there.

So talk to them early so that they can, you know, be comfortable with coming to you for questions about it, you know.

SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Now, do you have any intentions of writing any more books?

SPEAKER_03: I do.

Yep.

I have actually a picture book that I just wrote down, kind of the outline of for anxiety.

So my I my daughter had anxiety when she got into fifth grade.

She was very smart.

Her doctor said she was too smart for her own good.

And she was starting to do bad in school.

Simply, I finally found out because all the cool girls weren't good at school.

And so she wanted to be like the cool girls.

And then she started having stomach aches, not wanting to go to school.

And so we went through this whole thing with her and realized that, you know, this anxiety is a big deal.

It happens younger than you think.

And one thing that would trigger my daughter is doing too much.

You know, I don't know if you ever see the kid that has like the baseball bag and the soccer bag and the hockey sticks and the like they're in everything, right?

And it's because parents want to give their kids everything.

They're like, yeah, okay, try this, see if you like this.

Okay, try this, see if you like this.

And what some kids, what happens is it it is too much for them.

They don't have any downtime to just relax and do nothing.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, no, it's it's true.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so I want I have a picture book started about that it's okay to say no, you know, where she's invited to this, she's invited to that, and she starts having stomach aches, the little girl.

And the ending is, you know, why don't we just stay home, get a movie, and you know, just have a girl's day.

And then all of a sudden her stomach goes, stomach ache goes away.

And that's where, you know, we have to remember that kids are just kids, and they don't have the emotional makeup of an adult to handle all that.

So sometimes you just gotta say no.

SPEAKER_00: Yep.

That's that's so true.

So true.

And and you know, and as I'm listening to you talk about your books, and and it's obvious that your books are some of inspired, you know, even from events in your your own children's lives or or family.

And I thought to myself, what a neat way for for anybody, uh honestly, like sitting here listening to this, what a neat way to turn what you're going through in life into something that can help others by by turning your story into a book, whether whether you know a children's book or a novel, you know what I mean?

And so I just think that's really awesome that you've been able to do that.

SPEAKER_03: Well, thank you.

I do have a novel in the works too, and but I'm gonna use a pen name because it's about my life.

unknown: Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: So I don't want anyone to be like, wait a minute, that's me in that book.

SPEAKER_00: That's right.

Exactly.

Oh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I have that going too.

SPEAKER_00: But I'm not gonna tell you my pen name.

That's right, okay, yeah, exactly.

Oh, that's so funny.

So funny.

Well, if I have you come back on, you're gonna have to like change your voice or something.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'll get one of those things that I show my man.

SPEAKER_00: That's so funny.

Oh my gosh.

So now I would love to know because I know there's a lot of people out there who at some point in time have thought about writing a book themselves.

I know myself, I literally have folders on the desktop of my computer of different book ideas I've come of writing my life.

What advice do you have to somebody who who's thought about it, thinking about it?

Do you have any advice?

SPEAKER_03: I do.

So the first thing is do it.

Just do it.

As far as you can give yourself all the different things that could go wrong.

You could bind yourself up with the fear of, oh, what if nobody likes this, or or what if, what if, what if.

You just need to silence those, to put those, you know, stomp them down, and just write the book.

The biggest thing that if I could do over, and I of course now see it all over the place, is have a professional editor edit your book.

You know, I didn't realize, but there's a many different editors like types.

You have the proofreading, you have the line reading, and you have the body, like the the so that everything flows.

And with though with putting it through that, you will have a great story because the bet the not great books really weren't edited right because they would tell you, hey, you have a hole here, or hey, you know, flesh this character out.

But everyone has a story, and a lot of times your story is the same story as the kid down the street, and he's thinking he's all alone, you know.

So that's what my novel, I didn't want, I wanted to write it, I didn't want to write it.

I wanted to write it, I didn't want to write it.

Because I went through things and I thought, you know what, I'm gonna write it because if anyone else is in my situation, I want them to know that that they can make it, they can come out on the other side.

And then if it's not, if it's a funny book, if it's you know a carefree book, we need that too.

So, you know, this life life is so hard as it is.

It's very stressful that writing is a great stress reliever.

And if you can now there's so many ways that you can get it published, you don't have to pray to the publishing gods and have, you know, some big traditional publishing house pick you up.

You can do it yourself.

There's hybrids that you know you do it, but then they help you.

There's so many ways to do it that I just recommend start writing.

Once it's done, the most important thing is getting it edited and then going from there.

SPEAKER_00: All right.

Wow.

Well, you know, that's so great because to be honest, that you bring up it in through different sites with you know hiring freelancers and stuff, you you really don't realize how many people there that are out there that you can hire for helpless stuff.

And and just like you talking and through that of getting an editor and and not just an editor, but but all these different kinds of editors, and that's just um I don't know, at the same point that it's kind of like, oh my goodness, that's a lot to it.

But at the same point, it kind of is like, ooh, okay, good.

I'm not going at this alone.

SPEAKER_03: Right.

And, you know, it all depends on your budget too.

That if you don't have, I had nothing.

I I was on unemployment when I started this.

And so I, you know, went back and like readed the illustrations better.

I went back and I, when I had a little extra, I got my cover done professionally.

You know, so everyone starts out at the bottom.

You know, I mean, there's just the the few stories that you hear on the Today Show or whatever are very few and far between.

I mean, John Grisham started his entire career with self-publishing himself.

And there's so many others that I didn't even know about.

I recently learned that everyone has to start somewhere.

So don't be afraid of failure.

Don't be afraid of like, oh, this my like my, you know, I'm like, oh, I could love to burn my those books.

But my husband keeps telling me, he's like, but look at how far you've come.

And that is really something to be kind of have a meter.

Like, wow, yeah, now I'm on, you know, book four, my illustrations are way better.

I'm taking more time with them.

And I can see the progress.

And you feel good about yourself because you're like, hey, you know, I'm doing a lot better than I when I started out.

And everyone can have that feeling, and it's such a euphoric feeling.

You know, your serotonins are working that I just encourage that anyone that wants to to just do it, try it out.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, that's awesome.

I'm sitting here thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I'm kind of dreading my.

Family listening to this episode because they're gonna be like, see, Kevin, you just gotta do it.

You just gotta do it.

She told you.

SPEAKER_02: I did.

I did.

So I want I want to, you know, hear about your book next time you talk.

SPEAKER_00: All right, all right.

Oh my goodness, I didn't expect to get homework out of this out of this conversation.

I'm a mom through and through.

We will have your homework.

Oh my goodness.

Well, well, I have three last questions to kind of wrap things up.

And I would love to know, because you've been through a lot.

And so I would love to know.

What do you feel is your most brave moment?

SPEAKER_03: I have been asked that before.

And I I so I have had time to think about it.

Because there's lots of moments in my life that I was like, wow, I I look back and I'm like, I can't believe I did that.

But what really in my heart I feel is a certain day, I can remember it clearly.

I had been throwing up.

It was when I was sick.

And my daughter, I could see that she was really getting scared.

And so she had come down to the bed, bedroom where our bedroom was.

And she was like, Are you okay?

Are you okay?

And I like reached down deep and I was like, I have got to assure this kid that I'm fine.

I'm gonna be here for her.

And so I mustered up strength, you know, from high above and was like, Yeah, you know, that this is just what happens.

And and went upstairs and we started doing something else.

And I could see her being relieved, you know, and it took everything I had, not because three days after you get chemo, it really hits you like a ton of bricks.

And looking back, I don't know how I did it, but it just really, I was like, I was proud of myself, you know, because I I always wanted to be the best mom that I could be.

And you never know, you never know how you're gonna be.

And I am very proud of that moment because I wanted to give into it.

I wanted to just lay there and cry and be like, no, I can't do this, or but I can't do that to my, you know, girl little girl that is looking at me with these big worried eyes of whether she's gonna lose her mom or not.

And so I just put all my feelings aside and put my big girl panties on and went on with the show.

SPEAKER_00: Wow.

I don't know.

I think you, you, you moms are just incredible to begin with.

And yeah, and so, oh my goodness.

Now, the second question I wanted to ask you is what because I'm listening to you and you've done a lot in your life.

And and I'm wondering, is there anything that you could say that you're the most proud of that you have done?

SPEAKER_03: I'm really proud of the kids that I've raised.

And now the decision to help with my parents.

You know, you always hope that you're a good person, that you're doing the right thing.

And I look at my kids and I look at, you know, where we are right now helping my my dad and mom out.

And I'm just happy that I could do those things, that I I can look back and know that you know what, I had a choice.

You know, it was hard.

It was hard raising two independent kids and prayed every day that they'd turn out.

And it's, you know, at times it's hard to, well, to watch my dad go through what he's going through and my mom, you know, what she's going through.

But for me to realize that I can do this and I am doing this, I don't know.

I just I feel like I am proud of that, that I I didn't give in to whatever, whatever, you know, your own weakness or your own selfishness that everyone has.

I mean, we're born with it, right?

SPEAKER_04: Yep.

SPEAKER_03: And that I did do that.

Because there's a lot, I mean, I I a lot of people don't know, but I do deal with depression.

And it's a choice every day whether or not to stick around.

And so when I do, when I see my kids happy and and they're doing good, I mean, that could change at any moment.

They are kids, they are even people, you know.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, of course, of course.

SPEAKER_03: But, you know, I see what we've done and uh with my husband and and us here, and you know, that Sunday afternoon when we're all together and we're on the deck and you look around and you're just you feel good.

You feel good about it.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so beautiful.

That's so beautiful.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Now, the last question I have for you before I have you share with those listening where they can find these books at is that I would love to ask you, where do you hope that you're at in five years?

I look at your life and I think back to five years ago, roughly, is when you got diagnosed with with breast cancer.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: Last year you started this new chapter of your life.

And so I'm thinking, what about in five years from from now?

SPEAKER_03: In five years from now, as long as is nothing comes back as far as sickness, I I do see myself.

I have this vision or or this you know, picture of myself in my family.

And that we're back in New England.

I am a New Englander at heart, and we're by the ocean.

I have enough money to have a house near the ocean because holy Toledo, it's expensive out there.

And that, you know, I can I have my study.

I can see it clearly in my mind.

I have my study where I'm writing my books, and I don't know what my husband's doing.

That's still fuzzy in the picture.

SPEAKER_00: But probably making you a meal.

Oh, yeah, serving you some cocktail.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

Pouring me a glass of wine.

SPEAKER_00: Yes, Mrs.

Author.

What what can I get you?

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_04: Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03: We'll add that.

I like it.

But yeah, just not, you know, I I I kind of run around with my head chopped off, and I'd like for myself in five years to be at a point where I can enjoy maybe the fruits of my labor.

And I'm gonna work hard so that, you know, I can I can get close to that, but also I want to help my family out wherever I can.

And so, you know, to be in a point where I can help my my kids out.

My daughter recently got married and and not even just to that, but to my maybe my sister or maybe someone else needs help and and I have the means to do it.

That would be great.

That's what I would like to to be in five years.

SPEAKER_00: Yep.

I love it.

I love talking to somebody who has such this thing like I do of family means so much in life.

And and to be able to help your family when they need it, it would.

It would it would mean the world.

So yeah, I love that.

I love it.

I know maybe I'm not a young kid looking for a chapter book, but your book sounds super fun.

And so I'm thinking other people are probably like, wow, maybe they even know a kid who needs it, not just for themselves like me.

And so, so where can people find your books at?

SPEAKER_03: Well, I do have a website.

It is DC Spar, which is S-P-A-A-R, books.com, and you can buy them through there.

They are also on Amazon and Barnes Noble.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, all right.

You're all over wonderful, wonderful.

Well, cool.

Well, I will be sure to leave that link in the show notes so nobody don't feel like you got a click I write that down.

Just click on it in the show notes, and that will be super easy.

And that's the lowdown with Kevin Lowe.

I hope today's episode inspired you, motivated you, and excited you to get out and enjoy life, no matter what obstacles may be standing in the way.