#376: When Life Breaks Your Heart: How to Find Emotional Healing & Reinvent Yourself After Trauma

Kevin Lowe: Getting a divorce. It's when life takes a sudden left turn and everything you know changes.

<v Speaker1>Everything about who you are,

Kevin Lowe: What you ever hoped or dreamed of is gone. Today, my friend, that's what we're talking about.

<v Speaker1>Is when life breaks your heart.

Kevin Lowe: And when that happens, how do you begin to recover?

<v Speaker1>How do you begin to move forward? And how do you begin to reinvent who you are?

Kevin Lowe: To find a new version of you, this person who can keep going in spite of it all.

Kevin Lowe: Today, my friend, we're going to be talking about all of that and more all inside of today's 376th episode of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: Hey, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, and you are listening to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: For myself, that moment was back in 2003. I was just at the start of my junior year of high school, turned 17 years old, and life was going good.

Kevin Lowe: It was perfect for a teenager. In my junior year of high school.

<v Speaker1>Things were going great.

Kevin Lowe: Awesome group of friends had my dream truck that I had gotten when I turned that sweet 16.

Kevin Lowe: Life was going amazing. And here it was, just an ordinary Friday.

Kevin Lowe: Well, although it was kind of special because we were getting ready to do one of my favorite weekend trips.

Kevin Lowe: We were lucky enough to have one of those boats, the kind with a cabin that you can sleep in.

<v Speaker1>And we were

Kevin Lowe: Going to be taking it up to St. Augustine, Florida for the weekend.

Kevin Lowe: Now, that trip means that Friday evening, my mom gets off of work. My stepdad's off work.

<v Speaker1>We meet at the marina.

Kevin Lowe: We board our boat, and we head up the intercoastal waterway.

<v Speaker1>Headed north from our home here in Daytona Beach,

Kevin Lowe: Florida, up to St. Augustine, Florida. A beautiful ride up the intercoastal waterway.

Kevin Lowe: Like I said, one of my favorite trips. And the reason is because the marina that we would stay at, it was the St.

Kevin Lowe: Augustine Municipal Marina, located right at the base of the infamous St.

Kevin Lowe: Augustine Bridge of Lions. the iconic bridge in this oldest city in the country.

Kevin Lowe: Every time that we ever would go there, it was something special for me.

Kevin Lowe: And so this was one of those awesome weekends, an amazing time.

Kevin Lowe: And then everything changed because one of those moments happened.

Kevin Lowe: As I said, maybe for you, it was a phone call, a text message.

<v Speaker1>A moment in

Kevin Lowe: Time when everything stopped. For me, I was down in the cabin of the boat.

<v Speaker1>I was flipping through

Kevin Lowe: A dirt bike magazine when.

<v Speaker1>My mom came

Kevin Lowe: Down and sat down across from me on the little dinette.

Kevin Lowe: And she told me the news because what I didn't know is that my mom had been holding on to something.

<v Speaker1>She had got a

Kevin Lowe: Really big phone call just a few hours before.

<v Speaker1>She was on her way to

Kevin Lowe: Meet me and my stepdad at the marina when she got a call from the doctor who let her know that the results came in from the MRI.

Kevin Lowe: And well, unfortunately, the results of the MRI.

<v Speaker1>As the doctor would explain,

Kevin Lowe: Were worse than he could have ever imagined. And so as I sat there in our boat.

<v Speaker1>In this dream scenario,

Kevin Lowe: This place that I dreamed of going, I loved being there, and yet everything turned upside down.

<v Speaker1>As my mom told me the news, that I had a brain tumor.

Kevin Lowe: Now, we would find out that it was luckily non-cancerous, but it was bad.

Kevin Lowe: They compared the tumor to the size of a plum positioned right in the center of my head. and literally due to its position, they said that I had at most six months to live if this tumor was not removed.

<v Speaker1>Now, at that moment in time,

Kevin Lowe: My memory goes into little snapshots.

<v Speaker1>And I can

Kevin Lowe: Remember getting out of the boat. How I got out so quickly, I don't know because the next memory I have is me just running down the dock, as fast as I could, all the way down the dock to the top of the marina, climbing the stairs, going all the way up until I was at the top of the marina.

<v Speaker1>And there I stood with my arms on the metal railing,

Kevin Lowe: Looking out over this picturesque scene of a marina full of sailboats and powerboats, the sun setting in the distance.

<v Speaker1>And there I stood in disbelief that I had a brain tumor. Now, I didn't even know

Kevin Lowe: What was to come.

<v Speaker1>And if you know my story,

Kevin Lowe: You know that October 28th of that same year, October 28th, 2003, is when I would go into surgery to have that brain tumor removed.

Kevin Lowe: And everything was supposed to have gone great.

<v Speaker1>And instead, well, I came out to be left completely blind.

Kevin Lowe: I didn't know that at the time.

<v Speaker1>All I did know, though, is that I had a brain tumor. And that was scary enough.

Kevin Lowe: Now, I share that because we have all had these moments.

Kevin Lowe: As a matter of fact, in life, we don't just have one of them.

Kevin Lowe: Many times, unfortunately, we have many of these life-shattering moments, or like I like to think of them.

<v Speaker1>These moments when the world stops spinning.

Kevin Lowe: And yes, the situation, the circumstances for each of us, they're all different, but.

<v Speaker1>But the impact is all the same.

Kevin Lowe: Matter of fact, the whole inspiration for today's episode, for today's topic.

<v Speaker1>It came from a

Kevin Lowe: Woman who I introduced to you just a few episodes ago.

<v Speaker1>Her name was Wendy. And if you heard Wendy's story,

Kevin Lowe: You heard that this moment, it happened on the side of a mountain, doing what she loved.

<v Speaker1>Riding her bike, cycling, flying down the mountain,

Kevin Lowe: Down the road, going faster and faster.

<v Speaker1>Until all of a sudden the moment happened. And she crashed hard,

Kevin Lowe: So hard, in fact, that she would have to be airlifted off the side of the mountain.

<v Speaker1>And there she is.

Kevin Lowe: In one second, she's doing what she loves. And in the next second, she's shattered. She's broken, fighting for her life.

<v Speaker1>Now, at this moment,

Kevin Lowe: I want to pause. And I want to stop talking about me. And I want to stop talking about Wendy.

Kevin Lowe: And I want to start talking about you.

Kevin Lowe: because today's episode is about you. And I can guarantee that as I'm talking, there's probably one particular thing that has happened in your life that.

<v Speaker1>Comes to your

Kevin Lowe: Mind immediately.

<v Speaker1>And before we continue,

Kevin Lowe: Before you continue listening to today's episode, I hope that you think of what that moment is.

<v Speaker1>And I hope that

Kevin Lowe: You put it at the front of your mind.

<v Speaker1>Now, I know it's not

Kevin Lowe: Always easy to think about these hard times, But sometimes I feel like it's necessary in order for us to be able to move forward, for us to be able to really harness the lessons that life was meant to teach us.

<v Speaker1>And right now for today's topic, I want you to think about whatever

Kevin Lowe: That moment was.

<v Speaker1>That moment when your world stopped spinning. Whether we're talking about me <v Speaker1>being diagnosed with a brain tumor, whether we're talking

Kevin Lowe: About Wendy crashing on her bicycle.

<v Speaker1>The emotions we all feel, they're all the same.

Kevin Lowe: Because no matter how different any of us may be, we're all still the same.

<v Speaker1>We're all just people trying to make it in life.

<v Speaker1>So when these instances occur, we all feel scared. We're worried.

Kevin Lowe: We're anxious. We're fearful. We're upset. We're angry.

<v Speaker1>We don't understand why. Why me? Why this?

Kevin Lowe: Why now?

<v Speaker1>None of it makes any sense.

Kevin Lowe: What's powerful about Wendy was that her story, I believe, though, it has the power to help us all with our own situation.

<v Speaker1>With our own life-shattering moment.

Kevin Lowe: Because here's the thing that I want you to remember, is that whenever life knocks you down.

<v Speaker1>Whether in the

Kevin Lowe: Past or in the future.

<v Speaker1>There's one thing

Kevin Lowe: That nobody ever tells you. And that is that you.

<v Speaker1>My friend, you have a choice when life happens.

Kevin Lowe: And yes, I understand that at times like this, it may feel like you don't have a choice.

<v Speaker1>But you do. You may not be able

Kevin Lowe: To choose what happens in this life. I certainly did not get to choose whether.

<v Speaker1>Or not I

Kevin Lowe: Had a brain tumor.

<v Speaker1>But you know what I

Kevin Lowe: Did get to choose was how I reacted to it. I didn't get to choose to become blind, but I did get to choose how I would react to it, what I would do with it.

Kevin Lowe: Now, that doesn't mean that I have never been upset. My goodness gracious, no.

Kevin Lowe: To this day, I will tell you that becoming blind has been the worst thing that I could ever imagine because everything was taken from me.

Kevin Lowe: And yet, where I stand today.

<v Speaker1>Being able to have the benefit of traveling down the roadways,

Kevin Lowe: I can look back and be grateful that.

<v Speaker1>God chose me

Kevin Lowe: To be the one to go through it. because I've learned so much.

<v Speaker1>And I hope

Kevin Lowe: And I pray that because of what I've gone through, I get to make an impact on others' lives.

<v Speaker1>Maybe on your life today.

Kevin Lowe: And just the same with Wendy is that in the days and weeks following her accident.

<v Speaker1>She could have given up. Nobody would have

Kevin Lowe: Blamed her if she had thrown in the towel on life because things were unfair.

Kevin Lowe: Things were unraveling around her and nobody would have judged her if she hadn't been strong.

Kevin Lowe: And yet she was because Wendy chose to do something with it, to pursue her dreams, to pursue her life in spite of it all.

<v Speaker1>If you heard her story,

Kevin Lowe: You would know that Wendy, she chose to fight. She committed herself to healing, to fighting back and to regaining control of her life.

Kevin Lowe: Now, when we're talking about fighting, fighting back, here's the thing that's really powerful that I want you to remember.

Kevin Lowe: Sometimes fighting, it doesn't look like you holding on tighter, but instead it looks like you letting go. I want to repeat that because I want you to really hear me clearly.

Kevin Lowe: That sometimes when we're talking about fighting, when we're talking about pursuing, when we're talking about regaining control, we oftentimes think that we have to hold on tight, that we have to fight with all our might.

<v Speaker1>But sometimes the way

Kevin Lowe: We do that.

<v Speaker1>Is by letting go.

Kevin Lowe: That, my friend, is where grace comes into the picture. to have grace, to have this idea that it's okay.

Kevin Lowe: Because sometimes the strongest thing we can do is to just let go.

Kevin Lowe: Because if we never have the courage or the strength to let go, then oftentimes we'll never get to understand what lies on the other side.

Kevin Lowe: Because if we keep holding on to what was.

<v Speaker1>Then we never

Kevin Lowe: Open our heart and our mind to get to see what tomorrow holds.

<v Speaker1>And just like Wendy,

Kevin Lowe: She finally realized that she had to surrender. She had to let go.

Kevin Lowe: She had to trust the process of life.

Kevin Lowe: She finally would let go of holding on so tightly to what was so that she could embark on something new.

Kevin Lowe: That is easier said than done.

Kevin Lowe: Trust me when I tell you that I've gone through it in my own life.

<v Speaker1>Holding on to

Kevin Lowe: The life that I had, a life of sight, a life of riding dirt bikes and driving.

<v Speaker1>A life of seeing the blue sky.

Kevin Lowe: A life of seeing the faces of my family. And for so very long, I held on to that life.

<v Speaker1>And all I

Kevin Lowe: Wanted was to be able to see again.

<v Speaker1>I wanted my life back. Until one day, and it was many, many years down the line,

Kevin Lowe: Better part of about 10 years later, was I able to come to a point myself when I was ready to let go.

<v Speaker1>I was ready

Kevin Lowe: To finally let go of that life of sight in pursuit of learning to see life in a new way.

Kevin Lowe: And I have to wonder.

<v Speaker1>For you, maybe is that what you needed to hear?

Kevin Lowe: Because where in your life do you maybe need to stop fighting so hard?

Kevin Lowe: Where in your life do you maybe need to just let go?

Kevin Lowe: Nobody ever said that life was going to be easy.

Kevin Lowe: No, definitely not.

<v Speaker1>But in the same regard,

Kevin Lowe: I think sometimes we make it worse on ourselves. by trying to hold on to things that were meant to be let go.

<v Speaker1>We're meant to keep moving forward.

Kevin Lowe: If we look at our lives like a book, if we constantly keep writing on the same page, then it all becomes cluttered.

<v Speaker1>If we keep

Kevin Lowe: Writing on the same line, then it all gets mixed up. Nothing makes any sense.

Kevin Lowe: Sometimes we just simply need.

<v Speaker1>To be able

Kevin Lowe: To turn the page and we have a fresh new page to begin writing.

Kevin Lowe: That's just like your life. Sometimes you.

<v Speaker1>Just need to

Kevin Lowe: Simply come to a point where.

<v Speaker1>You can finally

Kevin Lowe: Let go and turn the page. Now, another powerful lesson that I learned from Wendy in listening to her story and.

<v Speaker1>To think about

Kevin Lowe: My story and to think about anybody else's stories, yours included, is that so many times we keep thinking that we have to get back to where we were.

Kevin Lowe: What do I have to do to get my life back?

<v Speaker1>We just want our life back.

Kevin Lowe: But the fact is true, just kind of like I said earlier, that was then. This is now.

Kevin Lowe: We are not the same person that we were back then.

<v Speaker1>We've grown.

Kevin Lowe: We've had stuff happen.

<v Speaker1>We are different people, constantly evolving, growing, becoming bigger and better

Kevin Lowe: Versions of ourselves. And that is where this idea of reinvention comes into play.

Kevin Lowe: And when we think about reinvention, it's not returning to the person we were.

Kevin Lowe: It's instead about becoming who.

<v Speaker1>You were always

Kevin Lowe: Meant to be. For Wendy, she had to finally let go of what she thought her life was supposed to look like.

<v Speaker1>She had to be willing to embrace something new,

Kevin Lowe: Something different. And if you think about it, that's the real challenge of it all. because when life doesn't match our plans, it's easy to stay stuck grieving, wondering what could have been.

Kevin Lowe: So instead, what I like to do is I like to think on the positive. Is what if, just what if.

<v Speaker1>What lies

Kevin Lowe: Ahead is better.

<v Speaker1>Than what we're leaving behind? What I mean is, what if the very thing that we're mourning,

Kevin Lowe: That we're so upset about, the thing that we want to get back to, the life that we want back.

<v Speaker1>What if it wasn't meant to stay? We weren't meant

Kevin Lowe: To stay in the same chapter year after year.

<v Speaker1>No, if we think of our lives

Kevin Lowe: As a book, once again, a book is comprised of chapters, of pages.

<v Speaker1>And if we don't ever turn the page,

Kevin Lowe: If we don't ever start in a chapter.

<v Speaker1>The story never progresses.

Kevin Lowe: And so when you think of it from this positive, that just what if the future that you've been resisting is actually the future that you've been dreaming of?

Kevin Lowe: And now I get it. Change is scary.

<v Speaker1>But you know what's even scarier than change?

Kevin Lowe: It's staying stuck in a life that no longer fits you.

<v Speaker1>And that is

Kevin Lowe: Where sometimes the bravest action any of us can take is releasing our grip on the past, to stop holding on to what was, and to instead begin embracing and get excited about what is to be.

Kevin Lowe: To wrap up today's episode, what I want you to remember is this.

Kevin Lowe: Your pain does not define you, but your response does.

Kevin Lowe: I spoke about it earlier that we can't always decide what happens in this life, but we can always decide how we respond to it.

Kevin Lowe: That's what I'm talking about. I also want you to realize that you don't always have to have all the answers. All you have to do is take the first step.

Kevin Lowe: You don't have to have the courage and the bravery to figure it all out, to know exactly where you're going.

Kevin Lowe: No, you just have to have the courage to take the first step.

Kevin Lowe: Because once you take that first step, then the second step, the third step.

<v Speaker1>They keep getting

Kevin Lowe: A little bit easier as you go along. But you have to be willing to at least take that first step.

<v Speaker1>And when we speak about reinvention,

Kevin Lowe: I want you to remember, this isn't about losing who you were.

Kevin Lowe: No, it's about you becoming who you were always meant to be.

Kevin Lowe: So if there is one thing that you can let go of today.

<v Speaker1>One fear, one regret, one big moment

Kevin Lowe: In your life that you've been holding on to so tightly, and the fact is true is that you really need to just let it go.

<v Speaker1>Releasing you of that burden, tying you down, letting it loose,

Kevin Lowe: Giving you an opportunity to finally get to discover what else is awaiting for you on the other side.

Kevin Lowe: And with that, my friend, I wrap up today's episode.

Kevin Lowe: Remember, I have new episodes that come out every single Tuesday and Thursday morning.

Kevin Lowe: So if you have not already started following the podcast on your favorite app, we'll definitely do so.

Kevin Lowe: Whether that's Apple Podcasts, Spotify, you name it, it is there.

Kevin Lowe: So easy place to find it is head on over to the website, GritGraceInspiration.com.

Kevin Lowe: Right there, you can find a page where you can find easy access to any and all of the different podcast apps that you might like to listen to the podcast on.

Kevin Lowe: Be sure you click onto your favorite, hit that little follow button so that you are notified every Tuesday and Thursday when a new episode is released.

Kevin Lowe: And hey, while you're at the website, also go.

<v Speaker1>Ahead and be sure

Kevin Lowe: That you get on the mailing list where.

<v Speaker1>You can start

Kevin Lowe: Receiving the weekly newsletter for the podcast called Where Grit Meets Grace, delivered to your inbox each and every Friday morning.

Kevin Lowe: So, my friend, that is it for today.

Kevin Lowe: Get out there. Enjoy this day. And hey, more than anything else, figure out what it is that you need to let go of and just let it go.

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