The Reasons & Seasons of Friends: Best Friends, Old Friends, & Family Friends

Welcome to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, and I'm excited to welcome you inside.

My name is Kevin Lowe, your host as well as transformation coach.

Today, you are joining me for episode number 192.

Today, I am talking about friends.

All the variety of friends, the good, the bad, and the ugly situations of friendship.

Now, today's topic was inspired by a recent conversation that I had with somebody in which she was talking about how at times she feels so lonely because she doesn't have friends, at least not like she used to.

Now her friends are really just her own family members.

And even though she loves her family, she still finds from time to time craving friendship.

And to be honest, she wonders what's wrong with her.

Why doesn't she have any friends like she used to?

And I could empathize with her because I think more people than we realize are in the same boat.

They're in the same situation because we're on social media, we're on Facebook, and we see all these people that we know living these amazing lives.

They have big groups of friends.

They're always having fun, they're always out doing things.

But is that reality?

Or is that just a glimpse at their life?

Because remember, social media is nothing but a highlight reel.

We don't post the boring parts of our lives.

We don't post much about the sadness.

No, we post when stuff is going good, when we're happy, when we're smiling, when we're out having fun.

That's when we post about stuff.

And so don't ever judge yourself against someone else's highlight reel.

Now, as we talk about friendship, the fact is true is that as we get older, having friends looks totally different than when we are kids.

I mean, think about it.

When we were in school, making friends, having friends was super easy.

Why?

Well, because we were forced into a classroom with 30 other kids our same age there to learn, to do life together, to become friends.

I guarantee you, in your life today, every fall, you do not enter a new room of your peers, everybody your same age, knowing that you're going to be with them for the next year.

No, that just doesn't happen.

Heck, especially now after the pandemic, so many people have gone to working virtually, where maybe it was easier when you were in an office setting to have friends, but now you're at home working from home.

You don't see anybody but your dog all day long.

And so we got to give ourselves a break.

We got to realize things aren't like they were when we were kids.

And that's okay.

Because inside of today's episode, I'm talking about friendship by reminding you that friends come in seasons.

Friends come in different shapes and sizes.

Some of them serve different purposes, some are there for different reasons, and some are in our lives for a shorter amount of time than others.

It's just the evolution of our life with friends.

It's just a part of life.

And it's all okay.

Now, something interesting happens as we get older, as we become adults, is that a lot of times our friends are actually our family members, whether it's close family, like our siblings, our parents, our grandparents, our aunts, our uncles, or maybe our cousins.

They used to just be family members.

They used to be the adults, the people who told us what to do.

But all of a sudden, we're now on an equal playing field.

We're all adults.

We're all sitting at the adults' table.

And it's much easier to become friends.

I know that's been the case in my own life, where I am best friends with my parents, with my grandparents.

My Nana.

I call her every single night at eight o'clock, not as just a grandson, but because my Nana is my friend.

And we got to become friends as I got older.

And so as you listen to the rest of today's episode, I want you to remember this is that where you are in life, don't think you're the only one.

Don't get so down on yourself.

Don't compare yourself to others.

And don't get stuck in a mindset that the word friend is only appliable to a certain person.

Because friends come in all different shapes and sizes.

And that's what I want you to come out of today's episode realizing is that friends are all around you.

And sometimes the best friends, well, those are the ones that you can't see.

You don't see.

You don't see nearly enough.

Because I've learned in life that the good friends, they're like stars.

You might not always see them, but you always know they're there.

That's what we're talking about in today's episode.

The power of friendship, the different types of friends.

And well, I want you to realize that you're not as alone as you may think.

As I continue on with today's episode, I want you to listen to me, but at the same time, I want you to be thinking about your life.

I want you to be thinking about your present circumstance, but even more so, I would love to encourage you to let yourself daydream a little bit, to think back on your life, on the friendships, on the people who have been there in your life.

And I want you to apply it to what I'm about to share.

The friends that we have throughout life, they're all different.

They're all unique.

And if you think about it, it's like having a quilt, like a quilt that your grandma would make, one of those made up of different patchworks, of different patterns, of different material, all sewn together to form this beautiful, comforting quilt that you keep with you forever.

That's how I like to think about the friends in our lives.

Each friend making up their own unique square on that quilt.

Some friendships are new and vibrant, adding a bit of zest to our life, where others are comfortable and warm, providing a sense of home.

And then, of course, there's those friendships that have withstood the test of time.

A bit weathered and faded, kind of like that old blanket you love.

That maybe it's a little bit weathered, a little bit ragged, but it's your favorite blanket to snuggle up in.

There's those kind of friends, the kind of friends who become more like family.

Now, each of these kinds of friends, they serve a different purpose in our lives because they bring a different energy.

They bring about a different period in our life.

They bring about different memories that we can look back upon.

Now, what's tricky about friends, though, is that where we are today, we may look back and think, wow, yeah, look at all the different friends I had.

Yet why don't I have those same friends today?

Well, here's the fact of the matter is that we're all individual people.

We're all on our own individual journeys in this life.

And I believe that along this journey, we have different chapters, different seasons of life.

Some of those friends we make, they enter our lives and are there to stay.

Others, well, they serve a shorter purpose.

Maybe they're to just help us get through a season in our life.

And then, well, that friendship has served its purpose.

I mean, maybe it's kind of a weird way to think about friends, but I believe it's true.

So don't beat yourself up today because you're not still friends with that person from 10 years ago.

That was a chapter of your life then.

You've moved on with your life.

They have too.

People change, people go in different directions.

And it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong or that they did anything wrong.

You guys have just continued to evolve, and that's okay.

That's how this world is so beautiful, is because it doesn't all stay the same.

It constantly changes.

We constantly enter new seasons of life.

I'll tell you one of the most beautiful parts about friendships.

I mentioned it at the beginning of today's episode.

It's when the melody of friendship and family can combine.

When those who we thought were just family members can become our friends, our best friends.

That's the true magical moment in friendship.

Oftentimes, your mother, your father, now today as an adult, they are your best friend.

And that, in my opinion, is the best friend to have, is to have that person who knows you inside and out.

They're not here to judge you.

No, they have your best interest at heart, they're your family, and now they're your best friend.

So don't discount that friendship.

Don't think for one instant that you're alone because you have friends, you have your family.

Now I get it.

They're not like the other friends.

I understand that, and that's okay.

Because as I said, you are different than you were 10 years ago.

You continue to evolve.

I continue to evolve.

We all do, and that's okay.

But I'm here to tell you that becoming friends with your family is an absolutely beautiful, magical thing to have happen.

Because here's the truth of the matter.

I feel like we need to stop labeling it.

We need to get away from labeling the friendship.

And instead, we need to look at the connection, the heartfelt energy between us and another person.

So whether or not your best friend is at the family reunion, celebrate the fact that you two are best friends.

Now, we talk about family being friends, and that's easy.

But what about when it comes to making friends?

I talked about it earlier.

Making friends outside of the family was easy as we were children.

But the older we get, the tougher it gets, the harder it gets.

And well, that's just apparently a way of life.

In school, think about it.

You could make friends over a common theme of both of you getting something in your lunchbox that one hated and the other loved, and you made a swap.

Boom, instant best friends.

Or maybe you two just got seated next to each other in class.

And well, at first you weren't too sure about one another, but then you realized, hey, I think they're pretty cool.

Maybe we can be friends.

It was easy.

Now, of course, that was what it was like when we were real little.

We keep growing up, and uh, then the dynamic of friendship gets a little bit crazier, and uh, you know, always drama pursues as we grow older as kids.

But think back to when you were little, when everybody was your friend, because we didn't see each other as anything different.

We just saw each other as our equal, as our friends.

And I think that's such a powerful thing to have.

But now that you're an adult, things are complex.

We're not thrown into the mix of our peers like we used to be.

And so forging new connections, making new friends, it's hard.

Heck, let's even forget about the idea of even friends.

Let's just say meeting each other, meeting people, especially if you want to even go another step dating.

It ain't so easy.

What is easy is to get stuck in the trap of social media, where we judge our lives based on the number of friends we have on Facebook, the number of people who like our posts.

That's how we gauge who's popular and who's not.

Well, I'm here to tell you that that is a really screwed-up way for any of us to be living our lives, because that's not reality.

That is social media reality, and that is no reality that's going to serve you.

So I'm here to encourage you that sometimes you have to put yourself out there.

Now, probably in this season of life, you have your guard up because you've had some friends in the past, and things may have gone wrong.

Maybe it was something you did, maybe it was something they did, or maybe it was just life getting in between.

But something happened, and now you've been living with this guard up that you don't want friends because you don't want to be hurt again.

And I understand that.

But I'm here to tell you that living a life with your guard up, there's no way to live.

Because we are meant to do life with people.

We are meant to have friends, whether it's family members or complete strangers who turn into friends.

Maybe it's the neighbor next door, maybe it's the coworker in the next booth.

Whoever it is, it's people who could be friends.

But you have to be willing to put yourself out there.

You have to take down your guard, and you have to be willing to understand that friendship, it's a relationship.

It starts by one person taking the extra effort to smile at another person instead of just passing them in the hall with not a bit of acknowledgement.

It's acknowledging one another.

It's saying hello.

It's going out to lunch, it's going shopping on the weekend, it's going to a movie, having a dinner party.

That's how friendship is made.

And it all starts by you putting your guard down and just being you and letting the world see how amazing you are.

So if you're feeling a bit lonely in this season of life, if you feel like, wow, I must be the only one who doesn't have any friends anymore, and you sit there and you wonder what's wrong with me, and you sit there and you think to yourself, well, maybe this is just God punishing me for what I did in my past.

I want to remind you that you're wrong.

That is not it.

God is not punishing you.

Nobody's punishing you.

It's just life.

It's this season of life.

And I'm here to tell you that just as the seasons change, this season in your life will change also.

Because there's a whole world of possible friends out there, of relationships, of friendships to be made.

Sometimes, though, you have to just let yourself shine and let people see how amazing you are.

And sometimes, well, sometimes we have to be like we were when we were little kids and not look at people and judge them or think to yourself, eh, no, they wouldn't want to be my friend.

No.

Instead, start looking at one another as we did when we were little kids back in kindergarten.

Just wondering, hmm, what do you got in your lunchbox today?

Because I don't like what my mom packed for me.

That's the kind of mindset I want you to have as we talk about this idea of friends.

I'll leave you with this one final thought is that if you're feeling down, if you're feeling like, wow, I could really use a friend, then I'm telling you right now to reach out to somebody.

To reach out to anybody, your mother, your cousin, your aunt, somebody you need to talk to.

Reach out to somebody.

Get off of social media, walk out your front door, go to a park, go to the library, go somewhere, get interaction with people, because we're never going to make new friends if we don't put ourselves out there.

But at least talk to somebody.

Get on the phone with a family member.

Call up that old friend who you haven't talked to in forever, who maybe you think they've forgotten about you.

Well, maybe they think that you have forgotten about them.

And so you take the initiative and pick up the phone and give them a call and catch up with that old friend.

That's how new chapters of life begin are by us taking chances, us being willing to put ourselves out there.

And I want that for you.

My name is Kevin Lowe, host of this podcast, as well as transformational coach.

If I can ever be a help to you along your journey, my contact information is inside of every episode's show notes, or you can always just go to my website, gritgraceinspiration.com.

Until next time, get out there, make some friends, shine some light, because I'm telling you, you are way more amazing, way more deserving of having all that you want in this life than you give yourself credit for.

Get out there, make some friends, be a friend, and I'll see you inside of our next episode.

Hey, real quick before you go, I have one last thought to leave you with.

I of course hope that you've enjoyed today's episode, but more importantly, I want to remind you that I never want you to listen to an episode of this podcast to hear something that I have to say or that my guest has to share and think, wow, I wish I could be like them.

I wish I could overcome my own challenges and do the great things that they are doing, but I just can't.

Well, friend, that's where you're wrong.

unknown: You're wrong.

SPEAKER_00: You are capable.

You are able, and you darn sure are deserving of having all that you can imagine in this life.

There's nothing special about me or any guests I have on this podcast.

We are all just normal people trying to make it in this life.

And so I encourage you to take a look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you know what?

I can do it too.

Now, of course, if you would like help along that way, reach out to me.

Whether that's as a listener of this podcast, a friend, or if you'd like to work with me as a coach.

My contact information is inside of every episode's show notes, just like this one.

So go down, check out my contact information, and reach out to me today.

With that said, I encourage you to take on the day every day with grit, grace, and inspiration.