From Addict to Ultra Endurance Runner: How Running Saved Nikki Langman's Life

They always want to know how I've done it and how I've kept smiling all along the way.

Well, I've just chosen to focus my attention on seeing the positive.

And on the podcast, that's what I want to do for you.

Because no matter what you may be going through in life, I hope to inspire you to focus on the positive.

And you know what?

I hope that I can also be a source of inspiration for you to just keep on smile.

Hey, welcome back to the Lowdown with Kevin Low.

This is episode number 70, and I am joined today by guest Nikki Langman, coming to us all the way from Australia.

Well, I guess it depends where you're located, if she's all the way in Australia, but here in the uh sunshine state of Florida, she's pretty far away.

Anyways, I'm super excited to bring you another awesome guest here on the podcast.

And I felt as though Nikki's story is one that I feel is so relevant this time of year.

With it being January, we're really getting kicked into the new year, into 2022.

People are making a lot of new goals and things for their life, for the year, looking ahead.

And well, today's episode, today's story is one a little bit different than most, though, because I think a lot of times coming into the new year, most New Year's resolutions revolve around getting fit.

Want to start exercising, start walking, start running, whatever it is.

And well, a big part of today's interview is about running, but running for a different reason.

Because it's more than a New Year's resolution, it's more than a fact of doing it for exercise to get fit, but instead, literally running to save your life.

And that's the story of today's guest, Nikki Langman, as literally running is what saved her and helped her end her addiction to alcohol.

I truly believe that my interview with Nikki is one that can really impact somebody's life.

Maybe it's your life or maybe it's somebody you know.

My hope with today's interview, today's podcast episode is that it can truly touch somebody who needs to hear this.

Maybe you're the one who needs to hear it because somebody you love suffers with addiction.

Whether that's alcohol addiction, drug addiction, what whatever form of addiction it is, maybe it's somebody you love and you think, wow, if only they could hear this episode.

You know, and I would encourage you to share it with them.

We never know what impact something's gonna have on somebody's life.

And there's nothing wrong with just saying, hey, I listened to this podcast and I thought of you.

Or on the other token, like I said, maybe it's you.

Maybe you listen to today's interview and you think, wow, I think this was meant for me.

And if that is the case, well, I can only hope and pray that this will be the inspiration and motivation for you to take back control of your life.

Let's make this year one of pure transformation for us all.

So, anyways, that's today's guest, that's today's episode.

But before we get to that interview, I have to welcome you to the sponsor of today's episode.

If you were around for last week's episode, episode number 69, well, you actually already met today's sponsor without even knowing it.

Because last week's guest was Jonathan McLernan, aka Coach John.

And well, his company, Freedom Nutrition Coaching, is now a proud sponsor here on the podcast.

You're gonna be hearing a lot about Freedom Nutrition Coaching over the next however many episodes, but we're gonna start small.

Like, what in the world is Freedom Nutrition Coaching?

The most important thing about Freedom Nutrition Coaching is Jonathan McClernon's mission to leave BS diets in the rearview mirror.

Don't we all wanna say hooray to some of that?

The thing about Coach John and Freedom Nutrition Coaching is that he's out to help you make a true transformation in your life.

And he does so by marrying the science of metabolism with the behavior change and the compassion of human connection to create life-changing transformations.

As you can see, Freedom Nutrition Coaching is not just another weight loss program out there, it's something totally different.

And well, I can't be more excited to have them as a sponsor of the podcast.

Alright, we're about to dive into today's interview with Nikki Langman.

Just as a reminder, if you like it, if you love it, please be sure to share it with a friend.

Go ahead, drop a rating and review on whatever app you're listening to the podcast.

And, well, just don't keep the podcast a secret.

That's how we're spreading the word of the lowdown with Kevin Lowe, is by people like you letting other people you know know about what's happening on the lowdown with Kevin Lowe.

Here is my interview with Nikki Light.

Nikki, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.

It's great to be here on the lowdown.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, thank you so much.

I'm super excited to have you here today.

So, so where where are you joining us from today?

SPEAKER_02: So I am, you probably could tell already, I'm from California, but I live in Melbourne, Australia.

So I'm joining you from uh almost the very bottom of the globe.

SPEAKER_01: Well, that's awesome.

I love it.

Absolutely love it.

Yeah, well, so cool.

Well, well, Nikki, you have such an amazing story.

Yeah, I actually have like several aspects to your story that I that I really find inspiring and stuff that I, you know, figure we'll touch on a little bit throughout our conversation today.

But I think the place that I would love to start is is I know that at some point in your life you suffered from from alcoholism and even drug addiction.

And I was just kind of hoping you could maybe share a little bit about that point in your life.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'd love to, Kevin.

I'll tell you, this is a topic that I am so pleased we are becoming more accepting of discussing is the mental illnesses that have the most shame and stigma, you know, are depression, anxiety, and certainly substance abuse and alcoholism.

So my relationship with alcohol started very young.

In fact, I was seven years old the first time I remember putting together an association of a problem and a solution.

So you have a problem and a drink will fix it.

That's the solution.

I'm not sure how much sense that made, but to my seven-year-old brain, it made a lot of sense at the time that this is what I see people around me do, so therefore it must work.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_02: And, you know, for the many, many years went by before that problem started to develop into something that was really out of control.

I, you know, I went in my first rehab at age 15 and then had subsequent treatment all throughout my 20s and early 30s.

So really something that's very core to who I am, but also shrouded in that stigma and shame that we don't like to talk about.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, definitely.

And that's pretty powerful, especially to me, how young, especially when you said at seven years old, making that connection.

That's that's really that's really pretty wild.

SPEAKER_02: It is.

And I think it's a really it's a great thing to be able to share with people because a lot of our understanding of alcoholism or addiction is that we think that something tragic must have happened first, that there was a tipping point, something that set off the behavior, set off the actions.

And in my case, there wasn't.

I didn't have any childhood trauma.

I I grew up in a lovely family in Orange County, California, you know, still very, very close with my family, even living half a world away.

But at no point did I ever have anything happen that would say, Oh, that's it, that triggered it.

You know, now she's gonna go out.

She's now she's gonna be an alcoholic.

It was just, it was kind of always there from day one.

Which kind of brings that flip side of research and study of is it genetic?

And, you know, I I don't know enough to even have a conversation about that, but I do think that there is, you know, for me, it was in my blood from day one.

SPEAKER_01: That's well, that's what I was gonna ask you, is if anyone else in in your family suffered from the same.

SPEAKER_02: No, no, and that's yeah, I I could pick apart my family and their flaws if you want for the next half an hour, but I'd say, you know, they were a good Christian family.

You know, we were just a good, loving family who definitely not anything that I would nothing I'd have to unpack now as an adult.

It was very healthy.

SPEAKER_01: Of course.

Well, well, that's that's good.

That's that that's a good thing.

Um and so so now at what point then in your life did you finally decide that you wanted to to get off of alcohol and and realize that that that was a problem and you you wanted to make a change?

SPEAKER_02: There were so many points that I could call bottoms.

And I think that a lot of the stories I've heard from people who have overcome addiction will single out one particular bottom that they hit.

You know, they they finally lost everything.

You know, the marriage fell apart, lost a job, a bank foreclosed on their home, and they were done.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_02: Mine was more like 17 or 18 bottoms, where I would, I would have, you know, very low lows and go, okay, all right, this time I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna really pull my head in.

I'm gonna go back to meetings, I'm gonna get a sponsor.

And then, you know, a few months later, and I was back at it again.

And that roller coaster ride was, you know, took about 30 years for me to finally break free from.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

Wow.

So now at some point though, I know from from what I read in your bio, something about the age of 40, though, I assume something kind of changed big time.

SPEAKER_02: Something did, yeah.

Okay, absolutely.

Let's go there.

So just backing up a few years before, so call it like mid-30s, I did have a turning point in my mid-30s that was different from all of the previous hit bottom, float to the surface, hit bottom, float to the surface.

Where I had a conversation with my husband after one very particularly bad spell.

I was, I'd lost a job, I lost my core sense of identity and really went into a very black hole for a while.

And my husband came home from work, and I remember he said to me, He said, You know, one of these days I'm gonna come home and you're gonna be dead.

But I don't know, he didn't mean to do it, he just got it wrong.

And when he said that to me, and he was so kind and so loving in the way he said it, the first thought that I had was, okay, good.

I wouldn't want anyone to think I was suicidal.

It was that thought that then triggered a like, you know, just a it was a some might call it a spiritual awakening, other people might call it just hitting a point of full acceptance where I just went, Wow, I'm no longer concerned whether I'm alive or not.

But what I am concerned about is what people will think about how I got.

And that was the the at the point for me that I said, enough.

Enough's enough.

So that was mid-30s.

So, you know, let's take you for a couple of those first few years, right?

So now here I am sober, I'm doing it differently.

People can tell that it's different.

I really just fully accepted the disease and stopped fighting it.

And then I got to about 40, I was about 39 years old, and I realized I was really restless and irritable and discontent a lot.

And I was really struggling with anger.

So that was, you know, something that I anger has always been an issue for me.

It's not something I I've done very well.

I tend to run very hot and and you know can fly off the handle quite easily.

Still can, less often.

But but I knew anger was was something I struggle with.

And a lot of times anger was my trigger to then go get a drink or you know, swallow a handful of tablets or whatever it was.

But then after I was sober and had uh, you know, a couple years under my belts, I was really going quite well.

And I thought, God, I just can't, I don't like the way I feel.

I'm angry and irritable, I'm edgy and anxious all the time, and I've got to do something different.

And at this point, I was 39.

I was a smoker still, though I had not given up that vice yet.

And I started to think about okay, how do I, how do I release myself from all this pent-up emotion that I'm carrying around?

It's turning into just a very negative outlook on life.

And long story I will not bore your listeners with, but eventually I got to exercise.

And I was not a fan, did not like the idea of one of those people that you know I pay for gym membership and go once every six months out of guilt that you're paying for something, you're not ever.

SPEAKER_01: You know my diet.

Yeah, we we we we can we can all relate.

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: So yeah, that was me.

So I had I had something happen where I finally decided, okay, I've got to do this.

I've I've got to just try to burn off some extra calories or burn off some extra energy, just you know, to have someplace for all that dispelled anxiety to go.

And then I got kind of bored with going to the gym.

I thought, okay, this is great, it's not really working for me.

So I recruited a personal trainer.

And she sat down, she and I sat down to talk about goals and you know, weight goals, fitness goals, et cetera, meal plans, all that stuff that you do with a personal trainer.

And she said to me, she said, How far can you run?

And I said, 10 kilometers.

It's about six miles.

I don't know why I said that, because I had never run even one mile in my life.

SPEAKER_00: Like ever.

SPEAKER_02: In 40 years, I cannot tell you one time I actually ran one mile or one kilometer.

So here I am sitting there lying to this woman who's trying to help me put together a fitness plan for me.

And and I thought, wow, that's that's amazing.

So then I had to challenge myself.

I thought, well, I told somebody I could do it.

Now I have to, you know, just issued a challenge to myself to see if I actually can.

So a few months went by of me building up my my stem, and I never spoke to her again either, because I was so ashamed that I'd lied, that I just I couldn't go back.

But a few months later, you know, trying to build up some fitness, and I finally did run 10 kilometers.

And what I found was that I actually liked it.

And what what what I chalked this up to is that I finally figured out how to outrun the tapes in my head.

So I explained.

So I like to visualize our you know internal thoughts.

It's like being on a cassette tape.

So you know, you you put it in, you put in the tape, you push play, and eventually at some point it stops, right?

Well, every time I got up to go to the gym or go out for a run, I put press play on my mental tape.

And the tape was called Anthology of Excuses.

And it was just a tape of one excuse after another after another.

It's hot, it's cold, my toe hurts, I didn't sleep well, I have too much work to do.

You know, whatever it is, you have those tapes too.

We all do.

And when I finally started to realize I was enjoying running, I was like, well, I know what's different is I'm run, I'm running long enough to outrun those tapes.

So, you know, if I was only doing like, you know, let's say um one to three miles, I wasn't going long enough to actually let all that negative self-talk burn out.

But once I started going longer distances and just kind of pushing the edge of the envelope, I thought, wow, this is really different.

I'm actually enjoying this.

My anger was going down, I'm sleeping better.

All these great things were happening.

And then that led to a you know a new phase in my life of pursuing longer and longer distances into the ultra-marathon distance.

SPEAKER_01: So wow.

No, that's that's pretty awesome.

And I I think I think the way that you got started running is is really pretty cool in in this like ironic, crazy way of lying to your personal trainer.

And then realizing, like, oh my gosh, what did I just say?

But then, but then just the fact that you didn't just let it go and cancel the next appointment, but but something started eating away at your mind of like, wait a minute, you know.

So now I'm curious what what was it like when you first got started running?

Because I can tell you from from experience, you know, running as a kid was something that I felt was like so easy.

Running as an adult, like I feel like a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time.

Like it's just like, wait a minute, like, first off, nothing's trying to eat me.

Why am I trying to run?

And, you know, and just what what I I look like an absolute, you know, fool and it's tiring.

I'm just wondering how it was for you, you know, getting going.

SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh.

I giggle when you talk about the giraffe trying to walk because I have my visual in my mind is a clunky elephant.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_02: Where I start running in psycho, you know, with every strike of the shoe, you just feel like you're actually breaking the concrete because they're so sluggish.

But I, you know, I saw a meme once that that really resonated with me and it said, don't trust the first mile.

The first mile is always a liar.

And and I think about that almost every day because it's kind of in that same theory puddle of my cassette tapes, you know, that eventually they will run out and the mental excuses will stop.

And and then I saw this, and you know, never trust the first mile.

The first mile is always a liar because that's where your excuses are still, your body isn't yet, you don't have the hormones flowing through your body yet at that point.

So I always know just get through at least like the first three miles and then I'll start enjoying it from there.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I love it.

Now, now I'm kind of curious, in maybe I'm I'm making like too like crazy of like connections between the two things, but but you can tell me if I am.

Is the fact of I'm I'm wondering to myself if once you got into running and you know, and and you hear about runners who run, and once you really get going, it's tough at first and stuff, but then runners kind of enter that period like the runner's high, you know, where where you just feel differently and you get something out of it.

Was it almost for you did running become almost, you know, you're you're running to to better your life and and you know, helping with anxiety and and all that.

Did you find that it was almost, you know, let's let's make the new comparison, your new drug?

You know what I mean?

Like, like in that sense of of of that kind of benefit to you mentally, you know, as well as physically?

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, look, that's a and that's a great question.

And and I love answering it because there is a lot of curiosity of, you know, what is the runner's high?

And is that actually a substitute?

And and even, you know, now that I've gotten to the point where I seek out the marathon and marathon plus lengths.

So, you know, kind of hitting around that 37 to 40 mile distance.

And people say, well, that's just not normal.

And you know, you you must be trading one addiction for the other.

And I I say, you know what, it's it's all in the eye of the beholder.

So do I think that it's a substitute, or like do I, you know, do I think that the runner's high is a substitute for drug?

Yes and no.

They're both pieces of fruit, but a let's say a bottle of vodka is an apple and going for a 10 mile run is a a banana.

You're not likely to get the two confused, but if you appreciate fruit, you'll enjoy both.

One thing that I think though, and I have done some real deep soul searching on this on this topic, is that when when somebody's behavior has been so negative, like so far on the negative side.

So, you know, an addiction really qualifies with that, chances are that that person will also seek extremes on the positive side.

Why?

Not addiction, more a desire or comfort in being an outlier.

So, you know, you if you think of like a pendulum swinging, the people who swing really far into the negative areas, like you know, people who do suffer from a form of addiction, their pendulum will swing very far one direction.

But then for it to swing back equally is as high on the other side, on the positive side, is quite normal.

Now, for most people, we prefer more moderation.

And I am definitely an addict in a true form.

I hate moderation.

I don't like lukewarm.

I like if my, you know, I want my drinks cold and my food hot and don't do anything that's been sitting for a while.

But I just, you know, I tolerate those extremes very well.

And so for that reason, I don't see it as an addiction per se.

More or less, the just my natural inclinations tend to tolerate those types of extremes.

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

Yeah.

No, okay.

I love, I love that.

I love that answer.

That's awesome.

So now I'm also curious what other, you know, benefits and changes did you start noticing in in your life, in, you know, once you really started running?

Because I imagine, I mean, it had to affect your life in many ways.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

And just to add a little bit more context for your listener, professionally, I work in the area of emotional intelligence.

It's something that I've been doing for many, many years in corporate training, learning and development, and leadership programs.

And so I am very interested in any kind of data or information that comes out related to the neuroscience and neuroscience of emotions.

So, you know, I've a I've got a really good foundational knowledge of why we do what we do because of how information is processed in our brain, right?

So that's what I do professionally.

Then when I got sober and started to work on self-improvement, and that's where my desire to pursue self-mastery came from was all right, I already have, you know, when I go to work each day, I'm I'm speaking a language about neuroscience, I'm speaking a language about self-management and awareness and development.

And now in my personal life, I'm following a program, a recommended program of sobriety.

It's working, and I'm starting to feel really good about life.

Then into the third realm, which was a newfound love of athletics in my 40s.

And those three things kind of that was like the perfect trifecta to personal life was being supported by the work that I did, and my professional life was being enhanced by the personal gains.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.

Absolutely love that.

That's that's amazing.

Now, now before before we move on, just for my own curiosity and those listening, when when we talked about running, and and and I can see how when you talked about this personality of you, of it's one extreme to the other, we went from from never running to now doing these, you know, whatever you call them, ultra-endurance marathons or whatever.

I'm curious, how does that differ from a regular marathon?

Like what's the what's the difference in like the length and in time it takes to run?

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, cool.

So a marathon is 26.2 miles or 42 kilometers.

You know, I use because I live in Australia, but I'm American, so I kind of speak both.

SPEAKER_01: Of course.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so we'll go it's 26 miles.

Anything longer than that is an ultra because there actually is no defined distance.

Once you go past the marathon, people just assume, well, it's too crazy to actually measure.

So, you know, off you go right off into the sunset.

But we don't want to we don't want to measure anything out farther than that.

So I love the marathon distance, and I have several marathons under my belt, and I I keep working on my times.

My focus there is to, you know, do my next personal best.

So I want my next marathon to be my best time ever.

Ultras, though, that's a beast.

And it's something I'm learning and I don't have a lot of experience with yet.

But any of your listeners who who are, you know, extreme runners or know people, like that, there is just no, there's no way to really predict or measure what can happen.

Because those ultras can go from like, let's say, 30 miles up to thousands of miles.

SPEAKER_00: Wow.

SPEAKER_02: And anywhere in between.

So like one of the races I did earlier this year was up and down a mountain that was a it was a ski, like a ski lodge, ski resort, and we were literally running on the slopes.

Where you would ski if there was wind.

It's during the summer, obviously, but but yeah, it was I was running up and down ski slopes.

And that was that was very challenging because you were dealing with altitude, weather change.

We had a lightning strike come through, so we had to stand down the race for a few hours.

Snakes, you know, so lots of different elements to deal with.

And uh yeah, so let's forget ultramarathon.

SPEAKER_01: That sounds like the survival marathon.

SPEAKER_02: It is because I'm even laughing at myself here because it's it is just so you know, it takes a special type of person to really like the ultra marathons.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

So now, so how old were you?

Do you remember like how old you were when you did your first marathon or ultra marathon?

SPEAKER_02: I was so I did my first marathon three years ago.

And I think I just turned 40.

Yeah, that makes sense.

40.

And it's I actually ran that one with two fractures as well.

So my leg was fractured in two places.

But what?

Yeah.

But I, but by God, I was kidding.

I'm on, I'm a drug addict, I'm an alcoholic.

I know how to, I know how to I know how to punish myself.

SPEAKER_01: I was just saying, I'm like, I'm like, my goodness, Nikki's a beast.

Like, wow.

Oh my goodness.

So, so, so the reason I wanted to ask you that question was because I know that you, you know, kind of have this mindset of of when helping other people and inspiring other people is the fact that it's never too late.

You're never too old to make a change in your life.

SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.

And it's it's a message that I I speak about quite a lot and am quite qualified to do so.

A lot of people get to a point in their life and they think, well, if I haven't achieved X by this point, then I'm gonna stop pursuing it.

So you do not see a lot of men or women in their 40s taking up new sports.

And I want to be that inspiration.

I want to be that person that other women can look at and go, you know what?

If she started at 40, I mean, you know, look at her before 40.

She was even a smoker.

You know, now she's doing this.

Maybe so can I.

Maybe I can too.

And that's the message of hope and inspiration that I want to leave with people, every single person that I meet or encounter.

I want to touch their heart in the way of saying, don't ever limit yourself.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

I love that.

And, you know, and I think I've had this discussion with other people before is the fact of when we start talking about our age and and where we should be at in our life and stuff, I feel like that's something that society today has done a really disservice.

Is is allowing society to put these these mile markers on on our lives.

And and and and I think more devastating than even by this age you should be married, by this age you should, you know, have a family and all that is the fact of putting a mile marker on the fact of at this age, you know, life is over in a sense.

The fact that you should be settled, you don't need to be taking up new things or or changing jobs or whatever.

And and I feel like that's one of the worst things that that any of us can get in a mindset of because kind of like you know, what you said is is I feel like I don't care how old you are, you know, is the fact that do something different, make a change.

If it's gonna better your life or or improve your life or give you more joy, do it.

You know, and and that is that is something that you know, actually, uh, the the wisdom that's found at the barber shop is I was at the barber at the barbershop one day, and and my barber was talking about something he had read or a show he had watched, and it was some some country in the world.

I don't have any idea where it was, but it was that at this country they don't keep track of age.

Huh.

And I thought, what an interesting concept.

And he said, especially because he said, so it was showing out on the soccer field, you had these old men playing with these young boys out running around doing soccer together.

And I thought, isn't that an interesting way to start looking at life?

Throw away the age aspect and just start living.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: You know, and and that just that I remember that just really, really kind of impacted me and and and thought to myself, what a way to live any of our lives is, you know, forget about keeping track of of time and and just you know, start living for the moment.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, and that's that is such an incredible concept.

And I don't think we'll ever be able to get there, but if we can take some learnings from those communities, that's that could probably make a big change in in a positive way.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

You know, I it's something I I've thought about so much is when I tell my story, the first thing I do, like let's say I'm doing a keynote or something, and the the first thing I do is say, this is not the story I want to tell you.

Because the story that I never wanted anyone to hear about, that I was gonna take the grave with me, is a story that people need to hear.

SPEAKER_00: Yep.

SPEAKER_02: It's a story about how do you release yourself from shame, from stigma, from disappointment, from failure.

And a lot of times it's w those things that we feel in ourselves, the shame, the stigma, the disappointments, and the failures, are because we have bought into society's expectations for us.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_02: We have bought into what other people tell us we should be.

And you know what?

I'll tell you something.

You didn't choose your own name, did you?

SPEAKER_01: Nope.

SPEAKER_02: Neither did I.

But yet we carry them around our entire lives.

So from literally from the moment we were born, we are given a name and we never question it.

We wear that name, that label for the rest of our lives.

Think about how many other messages come through our young people's, you know, in our our elementary school children who are being tested and scored and, you know, get report cards that say you are good at this, you are not good at that, you know, please stuff running with scissors.

I think that was mine.

Yeah, runs with scissors.

But you know, we we kind of literally our entire lives, we are given so much input through the media, the schools, our parents, our religion, or you know, and and we grow up with an idea of who we should be.

Until one day we sit on the couch, you know, you're 35 years old, and you know, you're unhappy and and you go, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Who am I doing this for?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of people get to that point.

So yeah, a big part of my message is to, you know, liberate yourself from those things, those those old ideas, and start peeling away the onion.

What do you like?

Who are you?

Think of your you know, times where you're your happiness.

Who are you with?

What are you talking about?

What are you eating?

What are you wearing?

You know, and start to really discover who you are.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, I love that.

And and I think, I think that's that right there is I think such an important question for all of us to sit down and and think about is who are we?

Because so many times when when somebody describes who they are, it's oh, I'm such and such, you know, profession, you know, professional at such and such career, or I am, you know, related to so and so or whatever.

But okay, that's characteristics, that's the work you do, that's who you're related to, but who are you truly?

You know, and in and taking the time for for all of us to just really sit down and meditate on that fact of just who are we and what do what do we as individuals like and love and and and what what you know words describe who we are.

You know, I think I think that's actually a really important exercise for for anyone, you know, to do, you know, is to just sit there and and think about that and kind of you know see see where that takes you.

Because, you know, when especially when you're at a point in your life when something needs to give, when change needs to happen, I feel like that's the most important time of all to discover first who you truly are, to this, to determine what your next step should be.

You know?

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that that discomfort can be a real blessing.

SPEAKER_01: Yep, exactly.

It's so true.

It's so true.

So now, so now tell me, I want to talk about your book that you have have released.

And um, so so tell everybody about about this uh being a badass.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

Uh so yes, my book is called How to Be a Badass and Navigating Your Road to Self-Mastering.

And it's um it came about because, well, first, uh, you know, people ask me how long did it take to write my book?

And I say 43 years.

And I know that's not the answer they're looking for, so then I'll smile and say it was about four months.

You know the truth is it has taken me 43 years to write it because you have to live the content first before you can tell the story.

SPEAKER_00: Yep.

SPEAKER_02: And we don't get to choose what our adversities in life are going to be or how long they're gonna last for.

Isn't that right?

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

And so, you know, I I now look back with crystal clear perception, and I see why things had to go in the order that they did and how how long they needed to go for, and you know, to be fully and completely out the other side.

And I say this because I know that, you know, I have I've entered a place of full surrender, and I've had several beautiful years since then of not having any temptation to go back to those destructive behaviors.

But, you know, I I also know what it feels like to be in and out and to fail 17 times and to get up 18.

And so my book was something that I wanted to, it was my story.

I wanted to share my story about how do you get up 18 times?

How do you be an inspiration for other people to fight their own battles and succeed?

And I started speaking.

So, you know, a career in emotional intelligence has me in front of audiences quite a bit because I I facilitate workshops and programs and things like that.

So I'm constantly in front of other people.

And I love it.

I absolutely love it.

I love speaking to people, and especially when it's on a topic that is so personal yet so life-changing.

And so, you know, I started speaking and and I was using the word badass as a verb, you know, as a as an affirmation of saying, you know, I was going through these these periods in my life where I was really struggling and I was I was hanging on and I've got, come on, Nikki, you're a badass, you got this, right?

And just really like telling my audiences about how I was constantly reinforcing the badass that I knew I was, the one who was going to succeed against all the odds.

And then I started talking to more and more international audiences and realized that not everyone interprets the word badass the same way.

unknown: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: In fact, I've had some of my own family members say they didn't want to read my book because they didn't like the title.

You know, it was a curse word.

So then I had to sit back and I went, okay, I get that.

I get why people are saying it's a curse word, and so I don't want to know about it.

And then I thought, but it's really, it's not.

It's an affirmation.

How do I break it down so that it lands differently with you know those people so that you can see why I use the word I do, what what does it look like?

And then over, and I swear a couple thousand steps, you know, just you know, running, I I worked it out.

I worked out that it's a formula, it's a six-part formula, and it's okay, get this right.

B is brave, authentic, direction, action, self-love and self-talk.

That's a B-A-D-A-S-S.

And it took me a while of, you know, just running.

And I was, I do my best thinking when I'm running, because I think that's when my juices are flowing best, and first thing in the morning so I don't have any distractions.

And I started to think, what is a badass?

And it's to be someone who's powerful.

Okay, so what does it take to be powerful?

And what is it, you know, I started having to ask myself all these questions to funnel it down, to really, you know, get it down to it's about bravery, it's about authenticity, it's about having direction and finding purpose and taking action in those areas.

And you know, it's and loving ourselves.

There is no self-mastery without self-love and and the and the way we talk to ourselves.

So it was my book is I'd love for your readers to to pick it up through my website if if you are interested.

But um, the first half of the book is is my story.

It starts with when I was seven and just kind of takes you through a real raw and honest talk about what's behind that shame and fear and stigma and rejection.

And you know, why why are we still only at the very beginning stages of talking about mental health challenges?

All of them, more than just addiction.

But you know, I feel blessed to be a pioneer on this journey.

I feel blessed to be one of the first people to speak up and write a book that is so raw and honest and tells it from the first person.

I take my reader deep because I want them to really get a sense of you know how far down that scale it was.

But then I bring them back out and then it's happy days and lollipops after that.

SPEAKER_01: So that's awesome.

So so I take it that I take it that that your book is it's it's more than just a story.

It's something that truly is meant to help the reader.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

And it's a it is a framework.

And now I do use the framework in other contexts as well.

So, you know, in professional development programs where I'm not talking about addiction or or anxiety or running or any of those things that you know are parts of my core, but I'm solely focused on how can I help you?

How can I coach you to be a more liberated and authentic you?

You know, where are your blockers and how can I help you remove them?

So the first half of the book is about me, second half's about you.

SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.

That's awesome.

I love it.

And so, and and tell me again, where can somebody go to find this book?

SPEAKER_02: My preference is you go to my website, which is Nikki Langman in I K K I L-A-N-G M-A-N dot com.

And then you'll see this uh, you know, on the main tab, badass book.

Otherwise, it is available off Amazon, but I have seen a lot of the prices lately are just a little bit higher.

But yes, you know, I don't know.

It's Amazon.

They they fluctuate too much.

SPEAKER_01: Exactly.

Well, I will definitely leave uh the the link to your website where people can can go to learn more about you, as well as to to pick up your book.

I will leave that website in the episode show notes so everybody can have easy access to that.

Fantastic.

Well, Nikki, I have to say all that you have been through in your life, all that you have overcome.

Come to then turn it around in a way that you're now helping other people through whatever they're going through.

You know, you you may have come up with this amazing description of the word badass, but I feel it safe to say that I feel like you're a pretty big badass.

And uh so, so um I uh I just I applaud you.

I applaud you for taking control of your life because you know, there's there's a lot of people, maybe even somebody who's listening to to this conversation today who is suffering from addiction in in whatever form it is.

And, you know, it's easier said than done to to step away from it.

And as you said, it you you know, you hit rock bottom, you know, 17 times, 18 times.

And and so I just I applaud you for the fact that you are one of the success stories, that you did fight through it and you've come out the other side.

I feel a much more, you know, amazing person than I feel like probably you ever would have been.

SPEAKER_02: Thank you.

It's wonderful to hear that in your voice.

I really appreciate that.

And you know, something I I say on the back cover of the book and in the very first chapter that I don't feel I should be here.

I do not.

There is no medical scientific way that I should still be alive to tell this story.

And so for me, it's you know, that having that purpose was really easy to see, you know.

Like I I look now, my purpose is very crystal, very crystal clear because I have recognized that I was given the grace to live so that I could come back and be a messenger of hope and inspiration for other people.

So that is where I dedicate my heart and my life is to helping other people be the biggest badass they can be, and whatever that looks like.

All of our struggles are different.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they are, but all I can say is that I hope that that those listening today, they take your story and they say, you know what?

If that woman who was nothing but a little seven-year-old child when it all started and grew up in this life of addiction, if she can do it, so can I.

And and here we are today, you're you're, you know, at least from where I'm located, you're, you know, on the other side of the world, and you're doing it and you're succeeding.

And I hope that today's episode, like I said, is an encouragement to anyone listening that you can do it also.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, I hope so that is absolutely my my sole purpose is to be that messenger for people, the, you know, the the the catalyst that brought them to action.

And you know, something else, um, I wouldn't I didn't write it with this intention, but I've had a lot of feedback in parents who have come back and bought extra copies for their teenage kids.

So there's there's quite a few things that I write about, you know, about being a teenager, a woman, teenager, girl, and some of the struggles that I faced at that time with eating disorders and cutting and things like that.

And I have had some people come back and say, I've got to get my daughter to read this because it's just given them that extra bit of insight into that firsthand perspective.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, I love it.

I love it.

Well, Nikki, you have you have so much wisdom to share simply by sharing what you've been through in your life.

And once again, I want to thank you for coming on the podcast and sharing your story with my listeners.

It means the world to me.

And, you know, I can only hope that somebody in the world who's listening to this conversation at some point in time can have their life truly impacted.

SPEAKER_02: All right, thank you so much for this opportunity.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

And that's the lowdown with Kevin Lowe.

I hope today's episode inspired you, motivated you, and excited you to get out and enjoy life, no matter what obstacles may be standing in the way.