450: Why Can't I Move On? Maybe You're Not Supposed To (Summer Shift Week 4)

Kevin Lowe: It comes across as a stab to the heart.

Kevin Lowe: It's horrible. It's the worst feeling ever to have somebody say.

Kevin Lowe: Aren't you ready to just move on? I think it's time For you to.

Kevin Lowe: Move on. Or maybe you're the family member of somebody who's been hurting and somebody says it to you about somebody you love, you care about.

Kevin Lowe: Aren't they ready to move on?

Kevin Lowe: My friend, if you've ever Been on the.

Kevin Lowe: Receiving end of this horrible, horrible comment, this best of intentions, but so horrible comment, my friend, I feel you.

Kevin Lowe: I think most of us have been there.

Kevin Lowe: And today I'm calling it out because today I want to help you.

Kevin Lowe: If you have ever been given this horrible piece of advice, And we're doing so.

Kevin Lowe: Ironically, by going to the beach.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, I am your host, Kevin Lowe, and this is episode 450 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: Today, we are in the midst of our summer shift series, a series devoted to helping you make small little incremental shifts in your life throughout the summer months to hopefully make the summer more meaningful than you ever thought possible.

Kevin Lowe: You thought you were just catching a suntan.

Kevin Lowe: Well, baby, you're not only.

Kevin Lowe: Catching a suntan, but you're improving yourself at the same time.

Kevin Lowe: And talk about a bonus Maybe you're listening to this episode while out sunbathing Maybe talk about.

Kevin Lowe: Killing two birds with one stone So with that said Today we're at the beach It's the Summer Shift series And we're talking about waves What kind of waves.

Kevin Lowe: You ask? Well, we're talking about the big waves, the scary waves, The waves you can't outrun. They're going to.

Kevin Lowe: Come whether you can escape it or not. The only choice you have to make is How you're going to.

Kevin Lowe: Handle the wave when it hits. I'm going to assume that you've probably been to the ocean before.

Kevin Lowe: If you haven't been to the ocean, well, first and foremost, I hope that you make it a must-do attraction on your bucket list To get to.

Kevin Lowe: The ocean. And yes, brave the water. Not just stand on the beach, but actually get into the ocean.

Kevin Lowe: Feel the waves. Feel the current.

Kevin Lowe: Feel the sand beneath your toes. Be fearful of sharks and crabs. And oh my, It's part of the beach experience. But what I'm talking about is if you're out there in the ocean.

Kevin Lowe: You're standing there and the big waves are coming.

Kevin Lowe: Now, when a wave is coming, you basically have two choices.

Kevin Lowe: You can't outrun it because, well, let's pretend you're in way steep water.

Kevin Lowe: You can't run when you're in the water like that.

Kevin Lowe: Definitely not as fast as you can outside of the water. There's too much pressure. pulling against you.

Kevin Lowe: So you basically have two choices.

Kevin Lowe: When the wave is coming, you can either try to embrace yourself, set up for impact, because you know that wave, even the small ones, they pack a punch.

Kevin Lowe: You can try to stand tall.

Kevin Lowe: You can try to put your back towards it. You can even learn that.

Kevin Lowe: Nope, I'm going to stand sideways, not giving that wave so much of me to smash into.

Kevin Lowe: And instead, you just stand there like a statue, thinking you're going to totally outpower this wave. And what happens?

Kevin Lowe: You go tumbling.

Kevin Lowe: You end up looking like an absolute idiot in front of everyone.

Kevin Lowe: Because that wave hits you harder than you thought.

Kevin Lowe: Your sunglasses, they go flying. You go tumbling. You're in the sand.

Kevin Lowe: You are drenched and you didn't anticipate any of it.

Kevin Lowe: That is because you thought you would be able to stand strong against the wave.

Kevin Lowe: Or here's the second option.

Kevin Lowe: You can finally learn.

Kevin Lowe: From that mistake.

Kevin Lowe: And you can learn to do.

Kevin Lowe: What every kid Eventually learns or every surfer has perfected. It's the duck dive.

Kevin Lowe: Basically, you see the wave coming. You don't stand with your back towards it.

Kevin Lowe: You don't stand sideways thinking you can brave it out. No, you get strategic.

Kevin Lowe: You plan for it.

Kevin Lowe: You watch it as it's rolling in. and you know that right when it's getting to that point where it's about to crash, you're going to take a breath, a big breath, And you're going to.

Kevin Lowe: Dive straight into it. Because my friend, your plan is to dive basically under the wave, to get underneath of it.

Kevin Lowe: And what happens? You pop out on the backside of the wave and all that power.

Kevin Lowe: All that momentum, it just goes right by you. because you were able to dive underneath it.

Kevin Lowe: And the comparison I'm making here in our Summer Shift series is the fact that you don't get over the wave.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, you learn how to go through it.

Kevin Lowe: You learn how to move through it.

Kevin Lowe: And in life, when we get hit and we're trying to heal, and somebody maybe says that remark about, Aren't you ready to get over it? Aren't you ready to move on?

Kevin Lowe: My friend, the fact is true is you don't just move on. You don't just forget about it.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, you learn how to move through it.

Kevin Lowe: Just like you do at the beach with these waves.

Kevin Lowe: You learn how to move through the wave.

Kevin Lowe: To come out the other side stronger, better. Because you finally figured out how to face it. You didn't put your back towards it.

Kevin Lowe: You didn't try to outrun it. Instead, you dove straight into it.

Kevin Lowe: In this Summer Shift series so far, we've been really taking a stab at life.

Kevin Lowe: But the fact is true is that when we're at a point in our life where we're moving forward, Maybe we're gaining momentum.

Kevin Lowe: We're thinking everything is going our way. Oftentimes, life throws a wave at you you never saw coming.

Kevin Lowe: You weren't anticipating. You weren't ready for it.

Kevin Lowe: And lo and behold, the fear returns. The doubt comes back.

Kevin Lowe: All the old hurt comes roaring back like you never left.

Kevin Lowe: And if we think about it, that's where most of us quit.

Kevin Lowe: We take one wave, one big hit, and we take it as a sign that we're supposed to stop.

Kevin Lowe: Or maybe we just honestly don't feel like we have the strength to keep going.

Kevin Lowe: And it's not because any of us aren't strong enough.

Kevin Lowe: Don't believe enough.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, it's the simple fact that A lot of times we.

Kevin Lowe: Mistakenly believe that healing, moving on, Means that the.

Kevin Lowe: Waves are over.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, what I want you to realize is that the waves of life will continue.

Kevin Lowe: And sometimes it's the same wave, keeps coming back again and again.

Kevin Lowe: But what I want to talk to you about today is how we can move through those waves.

Kevin Lowe: How you can get over them, can overcome them.

Kevin Lowe: Or maybe better said in today's analogy, Is how you can dive under them.

Kevin Lowe: The first of three simple truths to help you dive under these waves when they come is you got to stop fighting the wave.

Kevin Lowe: When something knocks the wind out of you, the first instinct is to try to fight it.

Kevin Lowe: You find yourself arguing with reality.

Kevin Lowe: You find yourself wishing things were different, Hoping it never happened. But if we want to talk about healing.

Kevin Lowe: About moving through the pain, we have to understand. We have to finally come to grasp with the simple reality.

Kevin Lowe: Healing, it doesn't happen while you're still fighting with what already happened.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, healing begins when you come to a point when you can say.

Kevin Lowe: You know what, this is part of my story.

Kevin Lowe: But it's not all of my story. It's maybe a chapter, but it's not the whole book.

Kevin Lowe: The divorce, it happened. The loss, it occurred.

Kevin Lowe: The diagnosis, it came.

Kevin Lowe: All of those things are devastating.

Kevin Lowe: And pretending that they didn't hurt, acting like they didn't really mess you up, That doesn't help anybody. It doesn't help you.

Kevin Lowe: Especially.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, healing, it comes when you acknowledge.

Kevin Lowe: That it's there. Stop acting like the wave doesn't exist.

Kevin Lowe: It does exist.

Kevin Lowe: What you've gone through is big. What you're going through is monumental.

Kevin Lowe: And I want.

Kevin Lowe: You to understand that it's okay, That you have.

Kevin Lowe: To be willing to acknowledge it. It doesn't mean that you have to build it up to make it bigger.

Kevin Lowe: No, I just want you to get truthful, To be honest, to recognize that.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, you know what?

Kevin Lowe: What I'm dealing with.

Kevin Lowe: It is big. It is a lot. But by doing that, you immediately begin to understand the simple truth That you can.

Kevin Lowe: Overcome it.

Kevin Lowe: Now, the second part, piece number two, our second truth, is the only way out is through.

Kevin Lowe: Or, as I said earlier, better said, is under. Under the wave.

Kevin Lowe: Now, this is the part when we really get to the meat and potatoes of it all.

Kevin Lowe: This is where the rubber.

Kevin Lowe: Meets the road, is what are you going to do?

Kevin Lowe: Because most people, they try to avoid it.

Kevin Lowe: Because feeling it, it hurts. It's easier to try to ignore it.

Kevin Lowe: And when the pain comes roaring back, You want to just shove the.

Kevin Lowe: Emotions into a box and lock them away. But the fact is, is that pain, it doesn't disappear when you try to ignore it.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, it just waits patiently.

Kevin Lowe: The only way that that pain ever loosens its grip is when you can stop pretending that you're okay.

Kevin Lowe: When you finally tell the truth, even if to no one else but yourself.

Kevin Lowe: That's when you can begin to stop pretending and start rebuilding.

Kevin Lowe: It's when you can get truthful with yourself, Maybe with others. Do the messy stuff.

Kevin Lowe: Do the hard stuff.

Kevin Lowe: When you're willing to do that, you can begin to heal.

Kevin Lowe: You can begin to move through the wave. to duck under it.

Kevin Lowe: Again, the wave, it's coming.

Kevin Lowe: You can't outrun it.

Kevin Lowe: You can't pretend that it's not going to slam into you because it's going to happen.

Kevin Lowe: You just have to be willing to be strategic, to plan for it, to understand that, you know what, there is a way that I can overcome the wave.

Kevin Lowe: It's not by standing strong, ignoring it, forgetting about it.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, it's about moving through it. ducking under it because you, my friend, you're more powerful than the wave.

Kevin Lowe: You have the brains to outsmart it.

Kevin Lowe: You understand that its limitation is underneath. All you have to.

Kevin Lowe: Do is hold your breath for a moment, Plan right at.

Kevin Lowe: The last moment To make the dive. And you dive right under.

Kevin Lowe: All of its power And you come up the other side.

Kevin Lowe: Truth number three, the wave always leaves something behind.

Kevin Lowe: Every wave that crashes ashore, it changes the shoreline.

Kevin Lowe: In every difficult season of life, it changes us.

Kevin Lowe: It either leaves behind devastation or it leaves behind strength.

Kevin Lowe: A lot of times.

Kevin Lowe: It leaves behind all of the above. Yeah, it leaves us devastated.

Kevin Lowe: I don't want to act like I'm pretending that stuff we go through is easy, because it's not. I've been there myself.

Kevin Lowe: If for some reason you've maybe just stumbled upon this podcast and haven't heard anything about me, Well, I went blind when I was.

Kevin Lowe: 17 years old.

Kevin Lowe: And this year will be 23 years.

Kevin Lowe: That I've been blind.

Kevin Lowe: And my friend, I can tell.

Kevin Lowe: You even today, there's days that it really hurts.

Kevin Lowe: Luckily, it doesn't happen real often.

Kevin Lowe: But there's times when those waves come back.

Kevin Lowe: All it takes is maybe something said, maybe something that happens, some reminder that reminds me of what I've lost, of the prayers that went unanswered to see again.

Kevin Lowe: And it hurts really bad.

Kevin Lowe: But what I've learned is that sometimes what may seem like a tragic ending can turn into a beautiful new beginning.

Kevin Lowe: I believe the same is true for you, is that while the wave crashing ashore may hurt, it may sting, it may destroy what you thought you had, What you thought you were building.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, because you are you, Because you are so amazing.

Kevin Lowe: Because you are more powerful Than you even.

Kevin Lowe: Believe, I know that you can make something amazing out of it.

Kevin Lowe: So I want you to understand that you can turn the wave into your own power.

Kevin Lowe: Instead of fearing the wave, instead of diving under the wave, What if you learn how to surf it?

Kevin Lowe: What if you learn how to harness it? For when it comes, the thing that is meant to hurt you, Destroy you, to erode the shoreline, what if you're.

Kevin Lowe: Able to start using it for your own good?

Kevin Lowe: That's what I've done with my story.

Kevin Lowe: With Becoming Blind, figuring out ways in which I can use what I've gone through to be a help to somebody else.

Kevin Lowe: It's why I do this podcast.

Kevin Lowe: It's why I got into writing music.

Kevin Lowe: Creating music, with my artist channel, K-Lo Music.

Kevin Lowe: is all these little ways of finding ways in which I can use what I've gone through, The things that have hurt me, how I can turn.

Kevin Lowe: Them around and use them for good. That's what I want for you.

Kevin Lowe: First, you have to learn how to overcome the wave when it hits.

Kevin Lowe: Learn how that it's not about forgetting it. It's not about standing strong against it.

Kevin Lowe: It's not about moving on with life, but instead it's you learning how to strategically attack it, to dive under it, and then eventually learning how to surf it.

Kevin Lowe: So for today's Summer Shift series, I want to leave you with a challenge.

Kevin Lowe: I want you to identify and name it.

Kevin Lowe: What is the one wave that you fear the most? that you keep trying to outrun.

Kevin Lowe: That you keep dodging, You keep pretending isn't there.

Kevin Lowe: Maybe it's grief, it's regret, It's fear, anxiety, worry. Whatever that wave is.

Kevin Lowe: I want you to declare it.

Kevin Lowe: I want you to speak it into truth.

Kevin Lowe: To recognize it. Because that way, my friend, When that wave comes and you know it will.

Kevin Lowe: You're ready for it.

Kevin Lowe: And whether you.

Kevin Lowe: At that point in time Just need to dive under or maybe you're ready to instead turn around and surf it.

Kevin Lowe: Either way, you're ready for it. I know this isn't easy to think about, to talk about, To write down the things that we're the most scared of.

Kevin Lowe: But my friend, it's the only way that we stand a chance at making this life what we want because we're not meant to live scared.

Kevin Lowe: We're not meant to be fearful because that's just trying to rob us of our opportunity to love life.

Kevin Lowe: I want you to enjoy not just today, not just this summer, But I want you to enjoy life in general.

Kevin Lowe: Despite the waves, despite the fear, we can all excel if we just learn how to either duck under Or grab a.

Kevin Lowe: Board and surf the wave. My friend, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe.

Kevin Lowe: This was another episode of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: If you, by any chance.

Kevin Lowe: Have not already hit the little button at the top of the app in which you are listening to this podcast on that says follow, please be sure you do so.

Kevin Lowe: That way, you don't miss another episode.

Kevin Lowe: Because if you're here today, I hope you loved it.

Kevin Lowe: I hope you're thinking, Man, I want some more of this Summer Shift series.

Kevin Lowe: Well, please be sure that you hit the little follow button on whatever app you're listening to this podcast on.

Kevin Lowe: And that way you will get notified next Tuesday morning.

Kevin Lowe: Yes, each and every Tuesday morning, a new episode comes out.

Kevin Lowe: So until then, until next Tuesday morning, I hope you enjoy the day.

Kevin Lowe: And my friend, get out there and surf those waves.

K-Lowe Music: From the springs to the shore, you know the heat don't quit.

K-Lowe Music: Summer's our song, and we're still singing it.