Why Can't I Move On? Maybe You're Not Supposed To (Summer Shift Week 4)

It's horrible.

It's the worst feeling ever to have somebody say, aren't you ready to just move on?

I think it's time for you to move on.

Or maybe you're the family member of somebody who's been hurting and somebody says it to you about somebody you love, you care about, aren't they ready to move on?

My friend, if you've ever been on the receiving end of this horrible, horrible comment, this best of intentions, but so horrible comment, my friend, I feel you.

I think most of us have been there.

And today I'm calling it out because today I want to help you.

If you have ever been given this horrible piece of advice, and we're doing so, ironically, by going to the beach.

My friend, I am your host, Kevin Lowe, and this is episode 450 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Today we are in the midst of our summer shift series, a series devoted to helping you make small little incremental shifts in your life throughout the summer months to hopefully make the summer more meaningful than you ever thought possible.

You thought you were just catching a suntan.

Well, maybe you're not only catching a suntan, but you're improving yourself at the same time.

And talk about a bonus.

Maybe you're listening to this episode while out sunbathing.

Whoo, baby.

Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

So, with that said, today we're at the beach.

It's the SummerShift series, and we're talking about waves.

What kind of waves, you ask?

Well, we're talking about the big waves, the scary waves.

The waves you can't outrun.

They're gonna come whether you can escape it or not.

The only choice you have to make is how you're gonna handle the wave when it hits.

I'm gonna assume that you've probably been to the ocean before.

If you haven't been to the ocean, well, first and foremost, I hope that you make it a must-do attraction on your bucket list to get to the ocean.

And yes, brave the water.

Not just stand on the beach, but actually get into the ocean.

Feel the waves, feel the current, feel the sand beneath your toes, be fearful of sharks and crabs.

And oh my, it's part of the beach experience.

But what I'm talking about is if you're out there in the ocean, you're standing there, and the big waves are coming.

Now, when a wave is coming, you basically have two choices.

You can't outrun it because, well, let's pretend you're in waist deep water.

You can't run when you're in the water like that.

Definitely not as fast as you can outside of the water.

There's too much pressure pulling against you.

So you basically have two choices.

When the wave is coming, you can either try to brace yourself, set up for impact, because you know that wave, even the small ones, they pack a punch.

You can try to stand tall, you can try to put your back towards it, you can even learn that nope, I'm gonna stand sideways, not giving that wave so much of me to smash into.

And instead, you just stand there like a statue, thinking you're gonna totally outpower this wave.

And what happens?

You go tumbling, you end up looking like an absolute idiot in front of everyone because that wave hits you harder than you thought.

Your sunglasses, they go flying, you go tumbling, you're in the sand, you are drenched, and you didn't anticipate any of it.

That is because you thought you would be able to stand strong against the wave.

Or here's the second option.

You can finally learn from that mistake, and you can learn to do what every kid eventually learns, or every surfer has perfected.

It's the duck dive.

Basically, you see the wave coming.

You don't stand with your back towards it, you don't stand sideways thinking you can brave it out.

No, you get strategic.

You plan for it, you watch it as it's rolling in, and you know that right when it's getting to that point where it's about to crash, you're gonna take a breath, a big breath, and you're gonna dive straight into it.

Because, my friend, your plan is to dive basically under the wave, to get underneath of it.

And what happens?

You pop out on the backside of the wave, and all that power, all that momentum, it just goes right by you because you were able to dive underneath it.

And the comparison I'm making here in our SummerShift series is the fact that you don't get over the wave.

Instead, you learn how to go through it.

You learn how to move through it.

And in life, when we get hit and we're trying to heal, and somebody maybe says that remark about, aren't you ready to get over it?

Aren't you ready to move on?

My friend, the fact is true is you don't just move on.

You don't just forget about it.

Instead, you learn how to move through it, just like you do at the beach with these waves.

You learn how to move through the wave, to come out the other side stronger, better, because you finally figured out how to face it.

You didn't put your back towards it, you didn't try to outrun it.

Instead, you dove straight into it.

In this SummerShift series so far, we've been really taking a stab at life.

But the fact is true is that when we're at a point in our life where we're moving forward, maybe we're gaining momentum, we're thinking everything is going our way.

Oftentimes, life throws a wave at you you never saw coming.

You weren't anticipating, you weren't ready for it.

And lo and behold, the fear returns, the doubt comes back, all the old hurt comes roaring back like you never left.

And if we think about it, that's where most of us quit.

We take one wave, one big hit, and we take it as a sign that we're supposed to stop.

Or maybe we just honestly don't feel like we have the strength to keep going.

And it's not because any of us aren't strong enough, don't believe enough.

Instead, it's the simple fact that a lot of times we mistakenly believe that healing, moving on, means that the waves are over.

Instead, what I want you to realize is that the waves of life will continue.

And sometimes it's the same wave, keeps coming back again and again.

But what I want to talk to you about today is how we can move through those waves, how you can get over them, can overcome them, or maybe better said, in today's analogy is how you can dive under them.

The first of three simple truths to help you dive under these waves when they come is you gotta stop fighting the wave.

When something knocks the wind out of you, the first instinct is to try to fight it.

You find yourself arguing with reality, you find yourself wishing things were different, hoping it never happened.

But if we want to talk about healing, about moving through the pain, we have to understand.

We have to finally come to grasp with the simple reality.

Healing, it doesn't happen while you're still fighting with what already happened.

Instead, healing begins when you come to a point when you can say, you know what?

This is part of my story, but it's not all of my story.

It's maybe a chapter, but it's not the whole book.

The divorce, it happened.

The loss, it occurred.

The diagnosis, it came.

All of those things are devastating.

And pretending that they didn't hurt, acting like they didn't really mess you up, that doesn't help anybody.

It doesn't help you, especially.

Instead, healing, it comes when you acknowledge that it's there.

Stop acting like the wave doesn't exist.

It does exist.

What you've gone through is big.

What you're going through is monumental.

And I want you to understand that it's okay, that you have to be willing to acknowledge it.

It doesn't mean that you have to build it up to make it bigger.

No, I just want you to get truthful, to be honest, to recognize that, yeah, you know what?

What I'm dealing with, it is big.

It is a lot.

But by doing that, you immediately begin to understand the simple truth that you can overcome it.

Now, the second part, piece number two, our second truth, is the only way out is through.

Or as I said earlier, better said, is under the wave.

Now, this is the part when we really get to the meat and potatoes of it all.

This is where the rubber meets the road is what are you gonna do?

Because most people, they try to avoid it.

Because feeling it, it hurts.

It's easier to try to ignore it.

And when the pain comes roaring back, you want to just shove the emotions into a box and lock them away.

But the fact is, is that pain doesn't disappear when you try to ignore it.

Instead, it just waits patiently.

The only way that that pain ever loosens its grip is when you can stop pretending that you're okay.

When you finally tell the truth, even if to no one else but yourself, that's when you can begin to stop pretending and start rebuilding.

Is when you can get truthful with yourself, maybe with others.

Do the messy stuff, do the hard stuff.

When you're willing to do that, you can begin to heal.

You can begin to move through the wave, to duck under it.

Again, the wave, it's coming.

You can't outrun it.

You can't pretend that it's not going to slam into you because it's going to happen.

You just have to be willing to be strategic, to plan for it, to understand that you know what?

There is a way that I can overcome the wave.

It's not by standing strong, ignoring it, forgetting about it.

Instead, it's about moving through it, ducking under it.

Because you, my friend, you're more powerful than the wave.

You have the brains to outsmart it.

You understand that its limitation is underneath.

All you have to do is hold your breath for a moment.

Plan right at the last moment to make the dive, and you dive right under all of its power, and you come up the other side.

Truth number three, the wave always leaves something behind.

Every wave that crashes ashore, it changes the shoreline.

In every difficult season of life, it changes us.

It either leaves behind devastation or it leaves behind strength.

A lot of times, it leaves behind all of the above.

Yeah, it leaves us devastated.

I don't want to act like I'm pretending that stuff we go through is easy because it's not.

I've been there myself.

If for some reason you've maybe just stumbled upon this podcast and haven't heard anything about me, well, I went blind when I was 17 years old.

And this year will be 23 years that I've been blind.

And my friend, I can tell you, even today, there's days that it really hurts.

Luckily, it doesn't happen real often, but there's times when those waves come back.

All it takes is maybe something said, maybe something that happens, some reminder that reminds me of what I've lost, of the prayers that went unanswered to see again.

And it hurts really bad.

But what I've learned is that sometimes what may seem like a tragic ending can turn into a beautiful new beginning.

I believe the same is true for you.

Is that while the wave crashing ashore may hurt, it may sting, it may destroy what you thought you had, what you thought you were building.

My friend, because you are you, because you are so amazing, because you are more powerful than you even believe, I know that you can make something amazing out of it.

I want you to understand that you can turn the wave into your own power instead of fearing the wave, instead of diving under the wave, what if you learn how to surf it?

What if you learn how to harness it?

For when it comes, the thing that is meant to hurt you, to destroy you, to erode the shoreline.

What if you're able to start using it for your own good?

That's what I've done with my story, with becoming blind, figuring out ways in which I can use what I've gone through to be a help to somebody else.

It's why I do this podcast.

It's why I got into writing music, creating music with my artist channel Kalo Music.

Is all these little ways of finding ways in which I can use what I've gone through, the things that have hurt me, how I can turn them around and use them for good.

And that's what I want for you.

First, you have to learn how to overcome the wave when it hits.

Learn how that it's not about forgetting it, it's not about standing strong against it, it's not about moving on with life, but instead, it's you learning how to strategically attack it, to dive under it, and then eventually learning how to surf it.

So for today's Summer Shift series, I want to leave you with a challenge.

I want you to identify and name it.

What is the one wave that you fear the most?

That you keep trying to outrun, that you keep dodging, you keep pretending isn't there.

Maybe it's grief, it's regret, it's fear, anxiety, worry.

Whatever that wave is, I want you to declare it.

I want you to speak it into truth, to recognize it.

Because that way, my friend, when that wave comes and you know it will, you're ready for it.

And whether you at that point in time just need to dive under, or maybe you're ready to instead turn around and surf it, either way, you're ready for it.

I know this isn't easy to think about, to talk about, to write down the things that we're the most scared of.

But my friend, it's the only way that we stand a chance at making this life what we want.

Because we're not meant to live scared.

We're not meant to be fearful, because that's just trying to rob us of our opportunity to love life.

I want you to enjoy not just today, not just this summer, but I want you to enjoy life in general.

Despite the waves, despite the fear, we can all excel if we just learn how to either duck under or grab a board and surf the wave.

My friend, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe.

This was another episode of Grit Grace and Inspiration.

If you, by any chance, have not already hit the little button at the top of the app in which you are listening to this podcast on that says follow, please be sure you do so.

That way you don't miss another episode.

Because if you're here today, I hope you loved it.

I hope you're thinking, man, I want some more of this SummerShift series.

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Yes, each and every Tuesday morning, a new episode comes out.

So, until then, until next Tuesday morning, I hope you enjoy the day.

And my friend, get out there and surf those waves.