440: How Much Is Too Much? A Brother’s Suicide, 6 Years Caring for His Mother, & An Angel’s Warning

Kevin Lowe: And just when life had asked everything of him emotionally, it would ask even more physically.

Kevin Lowe: What started out as just an injury would lead to complications, to surgeries, to countless doctor's visits, all leading up to that moment when he heard the words that no one would want to hear.

Kevin Lowe: Amputation. You'll never walk again. Your life is going to be forever changed.

Kevin Lowe: Now, that may sound like words that would mean the story was going to end.

Kevin Lowe: But in fact, it was just words that a new chapter was about to begin.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, this conversation, it's not just about loss.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, it's about what loss can reveal within us all. It's a reminder that we're capable of more than we realize.

Kevin Lowe: It's a reminder that even though you may think everything is falling apart in your life, even though it may feel like nothing is working out.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, sometimes all you have to do is just take one more step.

Kevin Lowe: Today's conversation is one of the most incredible interviews I've ever recorded on this podcast.

Kevin Lowe: It's going to pull at your heartstrings. It's going to have you tearing up.

Kevin Lowe: It's going to leave you in disbelief.

Kevin Lowe: It's going to leave you empowered, inspired, motivated.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, this interview, I guarantee you, is going to change you.

Kevin Lowe: This is episode 440 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration. I'm your host, Kevin Lowe.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, it is an absolute honor to have you here, and I can't wait for you to get to hear this interview, my conversation, with our guest today, Colin Potts.

Kevin Lowe: Welcome to the podcast.

Colin Potts: What if it all works out? I'm going to live.

Kevin Lowe: Up, my friend, and welcome back to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: Today, I have the honor of being in the studio with a guy named Colin Potts.

Kevin Lowe: Colin, welcome to the podcast.

Colin Potts: Oh, thank you so much, Kevin. It's a real, real honor to be with you this morning.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, well, I'm excited to have you here. I'm excited to dive into your story.

Kevin Lowe: What I would love to do is ask you kind of in perspective of the listener, For the person who's listening today, who listens to your full story, who really kind of just really takes to heart everything you're sharing today.

Kevin Lowe: What do you hope that they walk away with?

Colin Potts: That's a great question. My goal every day, the very first thing I say to myself is when I wake up is I want to give one person hope today.

Colin Potts: So I hope whoever's listening, they're inspired and through this podcast and listening and hearing my story that they're filled with hope.

Colin Potts: And that's just that's how I want to live my life. And it's really important to me.

Colin Potts: And just to help people realize that you can overcome any adversity in your life, you know, believe in faith in yourself, faith in God and a positive mindset.

Colin Potts: And that's certainly what's gotten me through all the ups and downs of my journey and lots of loss, but lots of blessings as well.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I love it so much. Well, we will aim to deliver on that.

Kevin Lowe: And so, Colin, where I guess I would love to start is basically just going back to the beginning, because one thing that I'm kind of interested to learn a little bit more about was you come from a really big family.

Kevin Lowe: I believe you were one of eight. And so I would love to hear a little bit about growing up in such a big family.

Colin Potts: Yeah, I was the youngest of eight.

Colin Potts: So we were always in a group setting everywhere we went, every dinner.

Colin Potts: And it was it was a lot of fun. And, you know, I saw so much being the youngest because, you know, we're kind of straddling the 60s and the 70s, you know, time frame.

Colin Potts: So you saw a lot of people and kind of what they were going through.

Colin Potts: And it's all of a sudden the pushback on religion and all of a sudden the pushback on family and those values that my parents had grown up with in that generation.

Colin Potts: But it was always fun. The holidays were always fun. I was always stuck at the card table in the last spot in the living room as we lined up multiple tables throughout kind of the dining room into the hallway and around.

Colin Potts: But I learned so much and so much about dynamics and learned to be a really good listener at a young age.

Colin Potts: And that has served me well in everything I do and especially in my career.

Colin Potts: But it's also it's a great gift when you really truly listen to people and they felt heard. And by doing so, you kind of give them that gift of knowing that they're important and that that I love to do.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I love it. Now, besides for the siblings, did you grow up in a family like did you guys have a big family as far as, you know, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, that kind of thing?

Colin Potts: Yeah, we did. And unfortunately, we lost my grandparents, all my grandparents, probably by the time I was 20.

Colin Potts: So over time, you know, those kind of things were happening fast.

Colin Potts: And, you know, that's part of being a big family.

Colin Potts: So we had those experiences, but those experiences waned over time, unfortunately.

Colin Potts: And those moments and those people in my life, I really do miss because they had so much to share.

Colin Potts: And they're at that age where you really want to listen. And I was at that age where you really, really want to listen because they have that experience that you want to take with you every day because it's special. And those are the conversations I miss.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, without a doubt, truly the most invaluable life lesson to ever learn, I believe, all come from the older generations. So that's amazing.

Kevin Lowe: Now, for you and your siblings, what was kind of the age range?

Kevin Lowe: You were the youngest. So how old was the oldest?

Colin Potts: It was basically a 12 year span. You know, it was my oldest brother was 12 years older than myself.

Colin Potts: So it was my parents were pretty quick to get child after child after child.

Colin Potts: But definitely, you know, 60s, 70s, a little bit difference in that where I kind of grew up more in the 70s.

Colin Potts: But the family dynamic, the elders, the kids kind of stayed together and the younger ones, Brian and the three youngest, we're always together and doing our thing.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Well, Colin, as we're going to learn today, you've had to endure a lot of loss in your life of the people who matter most, family.

Kevin Lowe: And I believe you were still just basically a child, maybe like high school age, when you lost one of your brothers.

Kevin Lowe: Would you mind sharing with me a bit about that story?

Colin Potts: Yeah, and I think it kind of just has a 70,000 foot perspective. So by the time I was 33, I'd lost all my grandparents, parents, and two siblings.

Colin Potts: And so the brother I lost, the first one I lost was my senior year of high school.

Colin Potts: And he had had issues, you know, kind of in and out of halfway houses, had done a lot of the drugs and a lot of those things, you know, just that timeframe of pushing back on family and values.

Colin Potts: You know, he was kind of the leader of that in many ways. And he took his life.

Colin Potts: I got a phone call from him the night before and he said, I'll never talk to you again.

Colin Potts: And he always played and always had a, you know, the gift of the golden tongue, as my mother would say.

Colin Potts: So you really never knew when he was serious or not. And I just was like, oh, yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow type thing.

Colin Potts: And he had been struggling a lot. And then the next morning at three o'clock in the morning, my bedroom was in the front of the house. And all of a sudden, there's lights outside and there's a knock at the door and it was the police.

Colin Potts: And they told me, you know, my brother Kevin had died and he had taken his life.

Colin Potts: He had jumped off a bridge in Washington, D.C.

Colin Potts: And it was stunning, you know, just because you just don't. That's not what you expect.

Colin Potts: And it hit hard. And then my parents came around the hallway and the sadness that came out of their cries and everything of losing a child was something I just will never forget. That's not supposed to happen like that.

Colin Potts: And, you know, children are supposed to outlive, you know, parents.

Colin Potts: And, you know, it was just that that whole sense of what happened.

Colin Potts: And you kind of I think they always lived in fear of it.

Colin Potts: But when something like that happens and you you feel it, it's something I'll never forget. And I remember my father, I started crying.

Colin Potts: He's like, you're not allowed to cry. And you're just not allowed to cry right now.

Colin Potts: I remember going to school that morning and I didn't realize that All of this was on the local radio station. They announced all that kind of stuff.

Colin Potts: And then you go into school and everyone's looking at you like, oh, my God, it's suicide and your family.

Colin Potts: And that was a very taboo topic and in many ways still is.

Colin Potts: But there's more discussion today about it.

Colin Potts: And it's a serious issue, you know, that people try to sweep under the rug, but that doesn't make sense.

Colin Potts: And, you know, mental health is just so important. But it was really a tough time. and getting through that and then the funeral and really kind of, I'd never been knocked like that before.

Colin Potts: And sitting in a cemetery and doing that, my first go at that and going to a morgue and, you know, doing all those things.

Colin Potts: It was life altering in many ways, but certainly a lot of sadness.

Colin Potts: And it was in February and it was, I'll never forget sitting at the cemetery.

Colin Potts: It was cold and it was hard.

Colin Potts: And there was a lot to deal with at that point. My father was giving up smoking cold turkey at the same time.

Colin Potts: And life at home was rough. And then many of the friends and people I had at school, you know, just walked away and stayed away.

Colin Potts: So it was really a time of isolation in my life. And I, it was, it was tough and it was supposed to be a celebratory year and, you know, you're leaving high school and going to college.

Colin Potts: And I ended up going away to school because it was just, I needed to go away at that point.

Colin Potts: So, but it taught me a really good lesson. and it's okay to start over, and it's good to start over, and you should start over.

Colin Potts: And it kind of empowered me to kind of turn my life and move in a more positive direction.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, wow. You said something that I would love to ask you if you wouldn't mind to expand a little upon.

Kevin Lowe: You said that your dad had said something to the effect of you're not allowed to cry right now. What did that mean?

Colin Potts: I think my dad was a very emotional guy and I think for him, It was seeing me emote on that level that made him extremely sad and made him hurt more in a situation where he was really hurting, obviously.

Colin Potts: And I think it was just controlling, trying to control his emotion.

Colin Potts: But it was something that I'll never forget that I wish he kind of hadn't said because...

Colin Potts: You should emote those things and you should, you know, express those feelings and have that because it was very, very stoic to to get through it all.

Colin Potts: And and I understood that in a sense. But at the same time, I don't know, I was full of emotion.

Colin Potts: And it's hard when someone tells you to be emotional, especially in a situation like that.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. One hundred percent. did you have any of your your siblings who maybe you were the closest to who really kind of leaned on each other after the loss of your brother.

Colin Potts: I think everyone did you know my older siblings were closer you know in terms of their age and kind of their experiences and then um you know i think we leaned on my two uh brothers closest in age and then like i said it was it was going away at that point and starting new.

Colin Potts: And it was the first time that springtime meant something so new for me and that renewal.

Colin Potts: And, you know, after a cold February and that happening, and then kind of seeing life come back again was the first time I really kind of focused on that.

Colin Potts: For me, that was a whole new lesson. So I think everyone kind of helped each other.

Colin Potts: I was very close to my mom as well. So I think, you know, everyone was concerned.

Colin Potts: And she was always great.

Colin Potts: She was the strength and kind of the glue of the family. So I leaned on her a lot because I was home and everyone else was living away from home at that point.

Kevin Lowe: Okay, okay. Well, speaking of your mom, that actually segues perfect into my next question was the kind of blows keep coming.

Kevin Lowe: I don't know how far down the line this would be from the loss of your brother, but you would end up caring for your mom through quite a long period of time.

Kevin Lowe: Would you walk me through that kind of chapter in your story?

Colin Potts: Sure. And where that fell in was my brother had passed away in 1985.

Colin Potts: My father passed away on Valentine's Day in 1989.

Colin Potts: My sister had passed away in 1991.

Colin Potts: Grandparents all the way around and through that period. And then, you know, my mom was amazing because she kept moving forward in her life after all that loss.

Colin Potts: And, you know, that was three children she lost and her husband and just had an incredible outlook on life and positive outlook, which I learned so much from.

Colin Potts: And she was good. She was moving her life forward. And then she wasn't feeling well.

Colin Potts: And she went down to Georgetown Hospital and pretty quickly they diagnosed her with leukemia.

Colin Potts: And even with that, she had grown up with polio and scarlet fever and all those things.

Colin Potts: So she She was a real trooper in the sense of just, she had battled through a lot in her whole life.

Colin Potts: And so I ended up taking care of her for six years.

Colin Potts: It was an amazing experience because she taught me so much about faith and two types of faith.

Colin Potts: And she, three days before she passed, she asked me the question, How are you going to move forward in your life? And I've been your cause for six years. And all of a sudden, you're going to have a void.

Colin Potts: How are you going to fill that void? How are you going to build your life back?

Colin Potts: How are you going to be a happy person again?

Colin Potts: And really taught me so much in that.

Colin Potts: And one of the famous lines and one of the best things that we ever talked about one day was I went over and she was in a really bad mood that day, which was not like her at all. Usually if she was upset about something, she was very quiet.

Colin Potts: But she said, well, I'm losing all of my independence.

Colin Potts: And she said, I don't like it. You know, I feel like my life is kind of falling through my hands and I can't stop it.

Colin Potts: And she said, so how are you going to fix this, Mr. Positivity?

Colin Potts: So I left and I said, well, I want to go back home and think about this.

Colin Potts: And I needed some time to kind of digest that. So I go back the next day and she's like, do you have an answer, Mr.

Colin Potts: Positivity? And I said, wait a minute. I said, all right, so we're still in the same bad mood.

Colin Potts: And she said, well, Colin, I can't be Sister Mary Sunshine every damn day.

Colin Potts: And so I had to laugh because we grew up Catholic and Sister Mary Sunshine was one of the funniest things she ever said.

Colin Potts: So I really enjoyed that part. But I said, I have a really good idea, but I need you to dive into it with me 120%. And you need to say yes now.

Colin Potts: And she looked at me like, okay, this is crazy.

Colin Potts: Why am I saying yes to something that I haven't even heard? And I said, you have to trust me.

Colin Potts: All right, I'm in. So I said, just because things are different doesn't mean they can't be good.

Colin Potts: I said, we're going to focus on what you have. We're going to focus and not worry about what you don't have.

Colin Potts: We're going to focus on what you can do and not worry about what you can't do.

Colin Potts: And so she was kind of amazed by that. And she said, well, how does it apply to me?

Colin Potts: And I said, you know, we're going to make sure that what's the best time of the day for you?

Colin Potts: She said, mornings. I said, all appointments in the morning.

Colin Potts: So what time do you want to be in bed? because she was going through chemo and she was exhausted and, and that she's like five, five 30. And I said, okay.

Colin Potts: And I said, what are the other things that are stressing you out right now?

Colin Potts: And she's like, well, when people come and stay and bring their kids, you know, I got to do three meals and just people are up late and the noise.

Colin Potts: And so I said, okay, well, we'll just tell people they, they can stay at a hotel and you know, you can't do those things anymore.

Colin Potts: So it was, it was really a fascinating deal because she really bought into this.

Colin Potts: And so as we changed her schedule, you know, she, she started to pick up energy again and a different outlook.

Colin Potts: And it was, it was great because things were being taken away in her mind, but she still had a lot of life to live, I felt.

Colin Potts: And so by doing this, we extended her runway in terms of what she could do.

Colin Potts: And, you know, and if instead of doing dinners, we would go to lunches and brunches and things like that where she could shine.

Colin Potts: And so by allowing her to shine again and let her be at her best, it reinstilled her confidence. And so for me, it was fascinating and that whole thing.

Colin Potts: And she went back to the doctor like five, six weeks later and she's like, did you, are you on some kind of medication or something?

Colin Potts: She said, no, we reorganized my life.

Colin Potts: And she said, go hang out with this guy for a little while, because he's got a lot of good ideas.

Colin Potts: So that was just a really powerful thing, and I think about that, I've carried that forward in my life.

Colin Potts: And if you think about that lesson, just because things are different, doesn't mean they can't be good. And because we as human beings don't like, most of us don't like change.

Colin Potts: You know, the only constant life really is change. So embracing things and, you know, working with things that are thrown your way, you still can do a lot of great things in your life and you can get knocked down, but you can still pivot and have joy and happiness in your life.

Kevin Lowe: Wow. It's so funny because one of the strongest kind of mindset things that I oftentimes remind myself of is exactly what you just said.

Kevin Lowe: It's even though things might not be like we thought they were going to be, even though they might not have gone to plan, it doesn't mean that they still can't be great.

Kevin Lowe: And so to hear you talk about that, I just lit up as you're sharing that story, because it is so true.

Colin Potts: Yeah, it really is. And I like I said, I've carried it forward, you know, in my life.

Colin Potts: And and that was the second to last thing she said to me right before she passed and barely could talk.

Colin Potts: And in the smile, when she said it, because it really had been a huge bonding moment for us. and really having her trust me with all of that and basically kind of changing everything.

Colin Potts: I don't know. It's an experience that I cherish in my soul because that's how close we became when someone, they know you're in it for the right reason and everyone's vulnerable, right?

Colin Potts: But that's where love goes to a whole nother level in relationships.

Colin Potts: And it's not woe is me, it's what are we gonna do to make this better and give her a quality of life when things were changing rapidly and bringing that smile back and bringing that joy back.

Colin Potts: And she had just the warmest smile.

Colin Potts: And seeing that come back to me was probably, it was one of the most wonderful experiences because she was one of those lights in life that she needed to smile.

Colin Potts: She made this world a better place when she smiled.

Colin Potts: And so having seen that come back was so, so meaningful.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Now, during that six-year period, how old were you?

Colin Potts: I was in my, started in my late 20s and into my early 30s.

Kevin Lowe: Wow. You know, that is such, I mean, a six-year time span.

Kevin Lowe: It's, you know, I mean, in perspective of life, it's short, but it's a big span of time, especially in that age that you were.

Kevin Lowe: How do you feel like that impacted your life moving forward, getting to have that opportunity for those six years?

Colin Potts: It was an amazing experience. And it taught me so much about, you know, I was working on Wall Street.

Colin Potts: At that point, I was a chef and in what sacrifice means in life for someone else.

Colin Potts: And I never looked at it as a hardship. I never complained because it was like, She really, truly needed my help.

Colin Potts: And so for me, I know a lot of people go through that. They're like, this is a burden I have to carry.

Colin Potts: And I think if you look at it as this is a gift you're giving someone as opposed to any kind of burden.

Colin Potts: Sure, there was times and I gave up a lot and had to change my schedule and where she was in and out of the hospital a lot and running the hospital and in the middle of the day and all of that was difficult.

Colin Potts: But at the same time, it was spending those times and really understanding where she was.

Colin Potts: And then you see how fragile life is once again, you know, when you see someone who's that large of a figure in their life, and this was the second time it was a parent, watching them, you know, just become so vulnerable just because of their health.

Colin Potts: It's hard because you love them so much and you want to love them enough so that they can stay alive. But, you know, God has this plan.

Colin Potts: And so it taught me that sacrifice is good in life and what my priorities were in life and taking care of people and all of that was at the forefront and everything else could wait.

Colin Potts: You know, it's hard to date a lot of people back then because there was a lot to do for mom at night when you're working and doing those things.

Colin Potts: But at the same time, it was it was the joy of a great relationship.

Colin Potts: And we had so much fun together.

Colin Potts: We always did. And and so the lesson she taught me and and just the respect for life, all the things, I just feel like it it shaped my whole thought process moving forward in my life.

Colin Potts: And when she had that question for me about how was I going to fill the void, you know, there really is a void, so when you're a caretaker and you're out there, It's 24 hours a day you're worrying about someone and mom fell or this happened or she's back in the hospital, I have to go in the ambulance, all these things.

Colin Potts: And, you know, you look at those instances, it taught me to what my priorities were and that I'm very proud of.

Colin Potts: And it's never a burden for me to stop and help anyone. And I'll always make that time because that's a great thing in life because we get so busy.

Colin Potts: And, you know, when you think about when she asked me about the void.

Colin Potts: I've helped so many people when they lose parents and grandparents and friends.

Colin Potts: And really, what is that void and having that discussion? And how do you overcome and rebuild your life?

Colin Potts: Because it is hard because all of a sudden, the music stops and you're like, wait, what do I do?

Colin Potts: And how do I re-assimilate? You don't realize how invested and how much of your time it takes.

Colin Potts: And then you have to kind of go through the emotional aspects of grieving and how important that is.

Colin Potts: But that conversation with her in that situation, I don't know how many people I've been able to talk to and warn people like, hey, just this is coming and this is going to hit you like a two by four.

Colin Potts: But it's OK to go back to your life. It's OK to be joyful again.

Colin Potts: It's OK to rebuild yourself and take those steps every day.

Colin Potts: So that's yeah, those experiences, they're ingrained in me forever.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, without a doubt. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Kevin Lowe: Well, kind of switching gears from emotional loss to talking about physical, you ended up having something happen.

Kevin Lowe: I'm going to be anxious to hear the details of, but some type of accident, incident, injury, I think around like 2000 that would really kind of embark you on a whole nother type of journey and challenges in life.

Kevin Lowe: Walk me through what happened that would then kind of lead into the next, I think, almost two decades of surgeries and medical issues.

Colin Potts: Yeah, it was a crazy moment in my life and started a whole new journey.

Colin Potts: And I was I was a chef and I had done two weddings on a Saturday and I never got a Saturday night off.

Colin Potts: And no one ever does in culinary. And so I was like, go home and throw a steak on the grill, shorts, T-shirt, just sit and relax because I just never got to do that.

Colin Potts: And so we lived in, my brother and I lived in a very old house built in the 40s and a very kind of a would be very noncompliant staircase in today's world.

Colin Potts: We'll leave it like that. Very steep, very sharp.

Colin Potts: The rises on the step just weren't normal.

Colin Potts: So back in the day, I used to wear top siders all the time. It was kind of a thing to wear and to do that.

Colin Potts: But I grew up with abnormally high arches, like freaky high arches.

Colin Potts: So it was easy for me to turn my ankle and I always had, when I played sports, had to tape and do those things.

Colin Potts: So I was coming down the stairs and top siders don't have any structure, real structure to them, you know, in that. I took a step down and was coming around the corner to go to the bottom of the staircase.

Colin Potts: And my ankle gave out. So and then...

Colin Potts: I went kind of flying down the rest of the stairs and landed on my left ankle and turned and rolled.

Colin Potts: And all you could hear is everything popped up. And I was like, all right, well, this isn't good.

Colin Potts: But I was of the generation where it's like rub a little dirt on it and you'll be fine.

Colin Potts: Here's a straw, kind of suck it up. I mean, that was what we were taught back in the day.

Colin Potts: I knew something was wrong, but I had two weddings to do the next day and the next morning. And I was like, I'll deal with this tomorrow.

Colin Potts: And so I went to bed, but then I got up in the middle of the night.

Colin Potts: And as soon as I put my foot on the floor, I hit the floor because I was in such pain in doing that.

Colin Potts: Got up and couldn't call out of work with two weddings.

Colin Potts: And sorry, this has happened when people are really depending on you.

Colin Potts: So I went into work and barely get a shoe on my foot that I normally wore.

Colin Potts: And then as the day went, it got worse and worse where I couldn't walk and type thing. So we got through the weddings and, you know, everyone was happy.

Colin Potts: And I was like, I need to go to the emergency room badly.

Colin Potts: So I went and then I got paraded by every medical person in there.

Colin Potts: Like, why did you wait, you know, a full day to come in and get this treated?

Colin Potts: So along the shores, I had torn tendons, ligaments and broke at least two bones at that point in that fall.

Colin Potts: So the first thing was surgery, you know, and they had to fix the tendons and do all that kind of stuff. So we started this whole thing and I kept tearing the tendons.

Colin Potts: And so just by the natural movement of my foot, And then we started stacking up surgeries and the calcaneus osteotomy where they cut the heel and rotate the foot.

Colin Potts: That threw off a whole bunch of things. And over time, they just kept opening up my whole leg and it looked like a zipper on it.

Colin Potts: And you had scar tissue and nerve issues and everything started to become more complex.

Colin Potts: And so I started going to different physicians, different foot and ankle specialists up and down the East Coast to try to get the best, you know, Long term care. care so that I could put this to bed. But with every surgery became more issues.

Colin Potts: Fast forward, you know, all of a sudden it's like ankles giving out again.

Colin Potts: And they're like, well, we want to send you up to HSS hospital for special surgery in New York.

Colin Potts: You know, they ended up doing fusions and more plates and more screws and everything else.

Colin Potts: And so all of a sudden we're at like surgery number 16 and I'm still in pain and I still can't function.

Colin Potts: And people are like, well, why did you continue to have surgeries?

Colin Potts: Because it's like, I was young, I was active, and I wanted to be pain-free.

Colin Potts: You know, I wanted my life. I love life and I'm outside and sports and running and all of those things.

Colin Potts: And so, you know, you try to go to the best of the best, but, you know, no one was really kind of looking at the 60,000 foot level view of kind of my whole case because they were fixing things, but by fixing certain things.

Colin Potts: There was that wave of, you know, creating more and more problems.

Colin Potts: So I ended up at the hospital for special surgery, surgery after surgery, Fusions, second fusion.

Colin Potts: And then, you know, I had a little bit of success, but was on the subway with my brother in D.C.

Colin Potts: And anyone who's been on the subway knows, at least in D.C., that the driver sometimes will hit the accelerator and then hit the brakes.

Colin Potts: And like the whole car, everyone goes flying. Well, I kind of did that and landed on my foot that had just been operated on.

Colin Potts: And everyone in the train car could hear my leg pop.

Colin Potts: And that was a bad thing.

Colin Potts: I knew right away I was in trouble. And my brother had tried to grab the piles of my jacket when he saw me falling backwards.

Colin Potts: So all of a sudden, we're up to more and more surgeries. And I was like, this is crazy. So I go in December 8th of 2015, back up to HSS in New York, and they're in the limb saving business. And I had an eight-hour surgery.

Colin Potts: And I don't think I would ever tell a surgeon this again. But I was like, don't wake me up.

Colin Potts: If there's anything else you need to do, do it. Don't wake me up and tell me I have to have another surgery.

Colin Potts: And so I remember him waking me up, and he was like, I'm not quite sure if this is going to work.

Colin Potts: And that's never a good thing to hear out of a surgeon at that point.

Colin Potts: So the long story is just, I they casted me for six months. And I was like, this is crazy.

Colin Potts: You know, that's a long time to be casted. And, you know, you made it through, but it took a lot of determination.

Colin Potts: And there's a lot of hard days and being on crutches that long and probably could have been in the crutch Olympics at that point, because it was like surgeries and so many things.

Colin Potts: And so I go back up. And finally, they're like, Oh, we're gonna take this off.

Colin Potts: And I was like, Oh, it's incredible.

Colin Potts: And I was I was shocked how atrophied it was and everything else because that's a long time to be casted.

Colin Potts: So I go and then they're like, see how you do.

Colin Potts: So I started walking on it and the pain level was...

Colin Potts: Seven, then eight. And then I was like, this is unbearable.

Colin Potts: And then the bad thing was my foot tripled in size and it just stayed that way.

Colin Potts: And so it got to the point where it's like, I'm back in a boot, you know, I'm on back with crutches again.

Colin Potts: And the pain is just driving me crazy because I won't, I wouldn't take the opioids.

Colin Potts: And, but when you get chronic pain like that, it's debilitating.

Colin Potts: You get, it really alters your life and it's very tiring.

Colin Potts: So anyone who's chronic pain, I certainly feel for you and empathize with that.

Colin Potts: So I go back up to New York and, you know, I'm sitting outside and that train ride was crazy. It was like the heart of darkness, Joseph Conrad.

Colin Potts: I was going up the river to meet my enemy or foe and really was concerned.

Colin Potts: And every mile seemed like five miles, you know, and every hour seemed like three hours to get up there.

Colin Potts: And in my heart, I knew something was that it wasn't going to be a good news on the visit. So I go in and MRI and he sees all this and he said, walks in and he's kind of a, he's a great guy, great surgeon, but kind of gruff.

Colin Potts: And he just said, there's nothing left. You're never going to walk again.

Colin Potts: And I'm like, what do you mean I'm never going to walk again?

Colin Potts: He's like, it's destroyed again. And there's nothing we can put back together with this anymore.

Colin Potts: And he said, I was concerned when you had the surgery, but now this is what I was most concerned of.

Colin Potts: This is just not working at all. And there was just too many surgeries, too many plates, 13 screws, fusion, staph infection, all these things that happened.

Colin Potts: And so he just blurts out right away. He says, amputation.

Colin Potts: And it sucked every ounce of air out of me. I'll never forget sitting there.

Colin Potts: And he's like, that's it. You have no quality of life. You will never walk again.

Colin Potts: I'm like, never? And he's like, never.

Colin Potts: And so I was shocked because I thought all of a sudden it was the shock of, it's been 20 surgeries, 17 years, all the PT, all that I put into the care, and thank God for my wife as well, her patients.

Colin Potts: But it was like the sense of failure. And it was like, wow, this is, I didn't expect that.

Colin Potts: You know, maybe in the very, very, very back of my mind, but I wasn't prepped for that at all thinking.

Colin Potts: I knew it was going to be a difficult day, but not to that level.

Colin Potts: And I remember, you know, I walked back to the people scheduling there and I knew them all really well.

Colin Potts: And they're like amputation and their faces.

Colin Potts: And then when I saw their faces and then I go downstairs and, I call my wife and she's like, oh, how's it going? Are you going to be okay?

Colin Potts: I'm sure everything's going to be fine. Trying to be very positive.

Colin Potts: And I'm like, it's the amputation.

Colin Potts: And she hangs up the phone and I'm like, well, great. This is off to a good start.

Colin Potts: And so I knew it was really the shock for her. But yeah, so I went home and tried to digest it all.

Colin Potts: And honestly, I had a few crappy days in the sense of like, how did this happen?

Colin Potts: And why is this happening? And why do I continue to have all these things continue in my life?

Colin Potts: And after everything I've been through, but, you know, finally, I was like, the only way I feel like, and I think this is a good thought for everyone is, you know, when you get in a situation like that, the best thing you can do is educate yourself.

Colin Potts: You can either wallow in the misery of it or educate yourself and education in those situations is very powerful because then all of a sudden you go from kind of the woe is me and start driving the process and being a best advocate for yourself.

Colin Potts: And that's certainly important in any health care, in any situation.

Colin Potts: So we got home and then we went back up to New York and met the surgeon and then met, you know, the prosthetic people.

Colin Potts: And that was really the elephant in the room in the sense was all of a sudden I'm holding a plastic foot and a with rubber around it and a titanium pipe.

Colin Potts: And I'm like, this is going to be my life.

Colin Potts: And so it was really shocking because I was like, and they're like, you're gonna have to do this and you're gonna have to do this.

Colin Potts: And all of a sudden I'm sitting there getting extremely overwhelmed because I'm like, And it's not able to process that my life is going to change that much. So we go home and prep.

Colin Potts: And then I go back up for rounds with Cornell and HSS.

Colin Potts: And I was 30 physicians and probably a bunch of PAs and stuff there.

Colin Potts: And it's 6.30 in the morning. They did like two cases a quarter.

Colin Potts: And there's the special cases. And every one of them was like amputation.

Colin Potts: That's it. You're done. and went back for more testing and to nerve blocks to make sure the pain would go away and all these things.

Colin Potts: And that fell into place and had our answer there.

Colin Potts: And when they did the nerve block for the first time in 20 years, I had no pain that like my brain didn't know how to kind of process that.

Colin Potts: So we went, you know, went back home and prepped for the big day, which was December 1, 2016.

Colin Potts: It's hard to believe it's just hit nine years from the day, December 1.

Colin Potts: So that was kind of what led up to the whole process there and really struggling, a lot of emotion, a lot of sense of failure, staying positive, but having those days where you're really doubting, you know, kind of the whole situation.

Colin Potts: And but then, you know, I lean back on, you know, the faith and my faith and, you know, prayed a lot.

Colin Potts: And certainly, you know, the things I told my mom and, you know, I kind of started the just because it's different doesn't mean it can't be good.

Colin Potts: Kind of started that thought process and really kind of did the best I could to prep myself for surgery.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Kevin Lowe: My goodness. So I don't know if it's at this point in the story.

Kevin Lowe: I think it was maybe before you had the amputation that you had a really powerful moment that will happen when you and your wife had visited somewhere.

Kevin Lowe: Was it Washington Foley? Is that the name?

Colin Potts: It was the Monocacy Aqueduct. Exactly.

Colin Potts: And it was a special moment. If anyone's familiar with the Maryland, D.C., Virginia area, there's the C&O Canal that goes from Cumberland, Maryland, northern Maryland, all the way down to Georgetown.

Colin Potts: And it was built in the George Washington era, and it was used for trade.

Colin Potts: And it runs along the Potomac, and it's just a beautiful, beautiful spot.

Colin Potts: There's locks every so often as the topography changed and to move you down the canal.

Colin Potts: And so we love going there. We always went there, Sunday drives up to the farms and would always stop there because it's just something about the aqueducts.

Colin Potts: And it's truly the one spot where the water would not naturally continue for the canal. So they built this large granite, you know, aqueduct.

Colin Potts: And they tried to, the story has it that they tried to blow it up in the Civil War multiple times. And I can promise you this, this lot lives everywhere.

Colin Potts: Me by probably 200 years because it's so well built.

Colin Potts: And, you know, so people bike up there on the sides of the aqueduct, you can walk and there's a, there's a, it's just beautiful, like bridges that you can just look out over the water.

Colin Potts: And it's just, it's a wonderful place. And what was interesting, we always took our dogs there and every dog looks happy there.

Colin Potts: Every person looks happy there.

Colin Potts: There was something just very magical about the place. And and we had two cockroach spaniels, and we would sprinkle their ashes up there after they passed.

Colin Potts: So four days before surgery, it was one of those things where I was like, I really need to go up there.

Colin Potts: It was such a soulful place, and it was something I just needed to go see and do, and just have that joy of just spending time there.

Colin Potts: So we went up there, and I was on crutches, and so it's about 90 yards out probably, 85, 90 yards out to the bridge where you kind of see all the water and everything.

Colin Potts: So we get out there and then we're dog sitting this little dog named Pepper.

Colin Potts: He's this little fireball, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and just a ball of energy and goodness.

Colin Potts: That's the only way I can describe it. I know we all are dogs, but this dog is just so much fun.

Colin Potts: It's just so animated. So Ann says, well, I'm going to go walk with the dog, try to go down the canal.

Colin Potts: And I'm like, well, I need to get to the car because there's no one going to be able to get me.

Colin Potts: So I need to get back 85 yards or whatever it was and do that.

Colin Potts: So I'm walking and Pepper and Ann had taken off.

Colin Potts: And this gentleman walks by or rides by on his bike. And he says to me, you're going to the parking lot, aren't you? And I was like, yeah.

Colin Potts: And I didn't think much of it type thing. But I thought it was kind of an odd question.

Colin Potts: So when you get to the fork where to the left was to the parking lot, to the right is going down the canal. And if you ever get to the D.C.

Colin Potts: Area, go see the canal because every eighth of a mile is different.

Colin Potts: It's just natural beauty. So it's just a special place. So I start heading towards the parking lot at the fork.

Colin Potts: And all of a sudden, Pepper and Ann are right behind me. And Pepper is like glued to my leg. I said, is everything OK?

Colin Potts: She said, I don't know what happened. Something spooked him.

Colin Potts: And he just dug in and wouldn't move.

Colin Potts: And what was odd to me was all of a sudden the dog's just like no energy.

Colin Potts: Like he almost looks like a little sphinx or a stuffed animal.

Colin Potts: And he's moving, but he's just not that joyful, gleeful little dog and ball of energy that we're used to.

Colin Potts: So we get up towards the parking lot and she said, I don't know what happened, Colin. And, So I was a little concerned, but he's moving and, you know, and looked okay, you know, and that, but just very, very quiet.

Colin Potts: And so as we approached the parking lot, this gentleman is putting his bike on his car.

Colin Potts: He starts talking to me and he said, well, yeah, I had one of those boots on a few years back.

Colin Potts: And I told the surgeon, if you don't do a good job, you know, I'm going to lose my limb.

Colin Potts: She says, what's going on with you? And I said, well, I'm losing my limb.

Colin Potts: Going up to New York in four days and losing my land. And he said, I know.

Colin Potts: He said, I'm here to tell you that we're supposed to meet today and that everything's going to be okay.

Colin Potts: So at first blush, I'm like, I don't know.

Colin Potts: You know, it's kind of shocked, you know, it's like, who is this guy and what is he talking about? So we continue to have this conversation.

Colin Potts: He's asked me about life and faith. I'm like, I love life. You know, my faith has gotten me through everything.

Colin Potts: And, and he said, I need you to know that we're supposed to meet today and everything's going to be okay.

Colin Potts: So I'm looking at this guy, he has this long gray beard and I look at his knees and there's, it looks like hundreds of scars and it almost looked like there, his knees, the skin was cryovacced. He had had so many surgeries.

Colin Potts: And so he's telling me about that. And then he said, do you know how you're going to be okay?

Colin Potts: And I said, well, it kind of crossed my mind how you're telling me this.

Colin Potts: And he said, well, cause I'm going to say a few words to someone and you just need to know that we're supposed to meet today and everything's going to be okay.

Colin Potts: So, and silent, the dog's not moving. And all of a sudden, I'm getting...

Colin Potts: This, this feeling. And I just had no idea what to say or do.

Colin Potts: And so very overwhelmed because I'm like, who is this guy and what's going on here?

Colin Potts: So I introduced him. I had to find something to kind of change the conversation, the whole trajectory of it.

Colin Potts: And so I'm like, oh, by the way, this is, I'm Colin, this is Ian, and this is Pepper.

Colin Potts: And so it's great to meet you, but my name's Bill. And so I said, okay, Bill.

Colin Potts: So he just, he continues asking me questions, you know, kind of life questions and that.

Colin Potts: And, you know, how do you feel about moving forward? And I'm like, well, you have to move forward in life. There's I have no regrets.

Colin Potts: And, you know, this is just a path in a different direction.

Colin Potts: So he's continuing to work on this bike.

Colin Potts: And then, you know, we feel like, well, conversations kind of over and we get in the car.

Colin Potts: First, I had to lift Pepper up. And I'm like, Pepper is one of those little dogs that pops up into the car.

Colin Potts: It's like, I'm here, you know, And all of a sudden I had to lift him up and his eyes, he was moving, but he was like in this trance.

Colin Potts: So I get in the car and then Anne's next to me and she's just bawling.

Colin Potts: And she's like, Colin, God's trying to talk to you.

Colin Potts: Someone is telling you this. She said, you don't see it because he's staring straight into your soul.

Colin Potts: You can't see it. And she said, I don't know what's going on.

Colin Potts: But she said, God's trying to tell you something here. So, I'm like, ah, you know, and I take a deep breath, and I'm like, please check on Pepper, and so we back up, and we go up to, next to Bill's car.

Colin Potts: And I roll down the window, and I said, well, thank you for taking the time to talk, and he said, Do you understand that we're supposed to meet today? And I said, I actually do believe this.

Colin Potts: And he said, but everything's going to be okay. But there's one more thing I have to tell you.

Colin Potts: And I'm like, what's that? And he said, you're going to be challenged in a way that you've never been challenged before in your life.

Colin Potts: And it will be your ultimate test in your faith. And he said, I can't tell you what it's going to be, but it's going to be coming soon.

Colin Potts: I didn't quite know and understand what that would be. And I said, okay.

Colin Potts: And he said, but just, you have to remember, everything's going to be okay so i i'm sitting there and i'm getting kind of queasy at this whole conversation at this point and then he says to me um i said well thank you and he said no he said i need to thank you because you're a believer and there's very few people on this earth that truly believe anymore and so we roll up the window go 25 yards up the road i pull over I couldn't breathe. I could not breathe.

Colin Potts: And it was the most overwhelming experience in my life. And I'm saying, who is this guy? And what does this mean?

Colin Potts: But I'm going to be okay. And that, and this is four days before getting ready to lose my leg and Pepper's still not moving and Anne's crying.

Colin Potts: And I'm just trying to breathe.

Colin Potts: And so finally, it gets together after about five minutes.

Colin Potts: It's about 40, it's about three quarters of a mile out to the main road.

Colin Potts: And as soon as we get out to the main road, you know, Pepper does this giant shake and all of a sudden he's back and he's back to his normal perky fun self and everything.

Colin Potts: And it's like, what just happened? I'm like, I have no idea.

Colin Potts: So that was an amazing day and an amazing experience.

Colin Potts: And then kind of where it led me, you know, we can talk about that next if you'd like and what that face was.

Kevin Lowe: Wow. So do you believe that man was an angel?

Colin Potts: Yes.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow.

Colin Potts: Very much. I can't even do it justice. I always would love it for you to like tape her version because it was that powerful.

Colin Potts: And in just the knowledge that he had, there's no way. I wasn't online.

Colin Potts: I wasn't on social media. There was no way he would have known any of this stuff.

Colin Potts: And there wasn't a chance. It wasn't like I was on Facebook leaving messages and I didn't start social media until a couple of years after my amputation.

Colin Potts: So I really had to believe it in that sense.

Colin Potts: And it kind of scared me because I was like, what's this test of faith thing he's talking about?

Colin Potts: Because it was kind of ominous, but then it was like faith and you just got to really believe it.

Colin Potts: And I was like, oh my God, what's going to happen next? Is it just losing a limb, you know, in terms of that? So it was something.

Kevin Lowe: Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh my gosh.

Kevin Lowe: Such an incredible, incredible story.

Kevin Lowe: So I'm anxious to honestly hear how this story continues as far as, That was just a few days before this big surgery. How did the actual surgery go?

Colin Potts: The surgery was fine. It was really hard.

Colin Potts: I remember they bumped me up on the schedule, like, can you get here sooner? Someone just canceled.

Colin Potts: And we go in. And, you know, unfortunately, when you're a frequent flyer at the hospital surgery centers, a lot of those people work there always.

Colin Potts: And so I knew a lot of the nurses and staff and just really good people.

Colin Potts: I mean, you know, by name, because I had had five, this would have been the fifth surgery there.

Colin Potts: They're just beside themselves that I was losing a limb.

Colin Potts: And they're just like, Colin, this, how did this, you know, and why did this, and, you know, all the questions and everything.

Colin Potts: And certainly I was getting super stressed because it's like, you know, everyone's like, are you sure you want to do this?

Colin Potts: And I'm like, oh, my God, you know, this is not what you really want, like half hour before surgery, you know, with it. But finally, I said to them, they're like, look, we'll wheel you in.

Colin Potts: And I was like, can you get two people to help me? Because I want to walk for the last time.

Colin Potts: And knowing what was going to happen, I want to walk with my leg. And it hurt like hell.

Colin Potts: I could barely move, but it was one tiny step.

Colin Potts: And I remember then getting in and hopping up. And just the pain was just, you know, it was just not a good situation. and I was like, well, I think I have my answer that this is right.

Colin Potts: You know, I started laughing because I'm like, what are all those saws and drills?

Colin Potts: And it kind of looked like a Home Depot tool set had been raided or a store had been raided for tools. And they're like, no, that's all for you.

Colin Potts: And so I'm like, great. So when I get really nervous, I just start laughing, you know. And so I kept laughing and laughing and laughing.

Colin Potts: And finally, the surgeon's like, knock them out.

Colin Potts: And so I was out. And then I woke up and just the shock waking up and seeing there was no leg.

Colin Potts: I thought in my mind I was prepared, but nothing prepares you for that actuality of seeing that.

Colin Potts: You know, I just, it just took a while to really think, have it sink in.

Colin Potts: And, you know, 20 other surgeries I woke up and had a limb. And then losing a limb was something.

Colin Potts: But the very first thing I said to them was, I want to walk.

Colin Potts: And they're like, Mr. Potts, you cannot get out of bed. I'm like, I want to walk.

Colin Potts: And they're like, Colin, you can't, you just stay still.

Colin Potts: You can't do this. And so finally, the guy in recovery and that whole thing was the one of the doctors who was on call and all that was like giving something to walk with.

Colin Potts: And so they gave me a walker and I got up and I was able to take three steps and I didn't care. It was just three steps.

Colin Potts: It was just that beginning, that mindset that I wanted to walk again and to really believe that I could.

Colin Potts: And then, you know, kind of came to the motto of just one more step every day.

Colin Potts: And I kept saying to myself, just one more step, no matter what, To get my life back and really wanted to fight for that.

Colin Potts: And that was something that I'm so glad that I was able to have the mindset to start with that and that thought process.

Colin Potts: And so, you know, every day it was just a little bit more and a little bit more.

Colin Potts: And so then we get to a point, you know, they're like, you're really good on crutches.

Colin Potts: I'm like, yeah, well, Crutch Olympics, maybe, because it was being able to function after all. They were like, this is amazing. Like, this is crazy.

Colin Potts: And so they're like, okay, well, we're going to take you now from, you know, the drip meds down to oral meds, you know, and part of the process of being discharged, obviously, and all that kind of stuff.

Colin Potts: And, you know, the days were kind of hanging around there and just...

Colin Potts: Trying to see, I had one visitor, a really good friend who came in and I was like, God, how is he going to react to me losing a limb?

Colin Potts: And he was like, well, he lost a limb and talked to me that like I, nothing had happened and not that he wasn't recognizing it.

Colin Potts: It was just treating me as if, you know, this was a change, but this wasn't going to change our relationship. And that taught me a really good lesson.

Colin Potts: You know, as people always say, oh, when someone dies or someone's seconds.

Colin Potts: What do I say to them? It's just have that normal conversation, be normal for them, you know, and if they want advice, give them advice, but, but also just talk about the things you always talk about and create that normalcy again.

Colin Potts: And to me, that was a really valuable lesson.

Colin Potts: So we go to the oral meds and we're doing that and they stick the pain pump away and do all that.

Colin Potts: And so we get towards that, uh, that evening, uh, this young nurse who was lovely.

Colin Potts: She was just a great soul.

Colin Potts: She's like, you're not looking so good. Your blood pressure is going up.

Colin Potts: She's like, how are you feeling? I'm like, well, it's hurting.

Colin Potts: And she's like, well, we have another 30, 35 minutes. So, so I can give you something in terms of that.

Colin Potts: And so she said, are you going to be all right? I've got to go down the hall for 10 minutes. I'm like, no, I'll be fine.

Colin Potts: So all of a sudden it's like, I'm really starting to feel pain and very, very uncomfortable.

Colin Potts: And I'm watching my blood pressure go up. You know, it's now like 175 over 120.

Colin Potts: And, you know, you're starting to, you can kind of feel everything.

Colin Potts: And then all of a sudden, it just got to a point where I was...

Colin Potts: Absolutely couldn't even didn't even know what to do the pain was so bad by that point my blood pressure was flying that set off every alarm and then all of a sudden one person two people five people seven people are in the room you know in terms of it and they're like we have to give you morphine and so my blood pressure what they're telling me is like look you're going to stroke out and your blood pressure is now, you know, 260 over 150, 160.

Colin Potts: So I like my heart was coming through my chest and I'm sitting there and I'm like, this isn't, you know, this isn't good.

Colin Potts: And I thought about this, this test of faith and they're like, Colin, you got to stay with us. Colin, you got to stay with us.

Colin Potts: And all these people in there. And I just remember like sweating profusely.

Colin Potts: Like I've never felt anything like that. And I hope I never feel anything close to that again.

Colin Potts: And I had a high tolerance for pain after all the surgeries and things that I'd been through.

Colin Potts: So it was at that point where I was like, I don't know what's going on.

Colin Potts: And so I pray right then. And I'm like, Bill, if this is the moment, I believe.

Colin Potts: And I said, God, I believe.

Colin Potts: And I believe in you. I need you. Please help.

Colin Potts: All of a sudden, they said, I went out, fully out. So I don't know what happened in that period of time.

Colin Potts: I don't know how long it was. And then all of a sudden I wake up, they're just kind of shaking me, they're like Colin, Colin, Colin.

Colin Potts: So I'm sitting there and they're like, you shouldn't be here, you should not be here.

Colin Potts: And I was, and, you know, and, and I, I was like, you know, I was like, Bill, you know, this has to be it because I literally shouldn't be on this podcast talking to you right now.

Colin Potts: It was something in this, the, the nurse who is so sweet and everything, She's pounding on my arm and she's like, Colin, I go down the hall for 10 minutes and you try to die on me.

Colin Potts: What is going on? I told you, you told me you'd be okay. And she's crying and, you know, they tell me this.

Colin Potts: And the thing I realized, and it's like, what is all that water all over the floor?

Colin Potts: Like just puddles of water. And they're like, oh, that was you that you're in so much pain that you sweated that much water out of your body.

Colin Potts: And I hadn't seen anything like that before. And that was kind of that was really eerie to me, you know, because that's how much fluid I had had lost.

Colin Potts: And to this day, I believe that that was the test. And in that, I'll never forget it.

Colin Potts: And then trying to stabilize to get out of the hospital. And we were trying to get home for Christmas and all of that.

Colin Potts: But I remember Ann came in and she looked at me and she's like, you look like crap.

Colin Potts: What is going on? And they tell her the story. And they're like, she's like, why didn't you call?

Colin Potts: They're like, no, he wouldn't have been able to dial a phone and shouldn't be talking to you right now.

Colin Potts: So it was just one of those moments where you just, you know, they were just trying to save me.

Colin Potts: And that's why, you know, they call someone and tell in the middle of the process.

Colin Potts: But it was a moment that I'll never forget, the sense of really believing in faith and believing in God.

Colin Potts: And someone swooped me back and brought me back. And that's something I'll never forget.

Kevin Lowe: What was your faith journey, your relationship with God like before that?

Colin Potts: I think, you know, I always had faith because having been knocked down with so many, so much loss, you know, I always believed in kind of getting back up and doing that. And I spent a lot of time in church.

Colin Potts: And then there's moments where I didn't pray because I was like, what are you doing to me? And why do these things keep happening?

Colin Potts: Like everyone, you know, and you have those moments where you're just that doubt because it's like, how can this continue to happen to me over and over?

Colin Potts: But faith was always an important part. I remember, you know, I was working downtown and would go to St.

Colin Potts: Matthew's on days where I just needed to find a peace and quiet.

Colin Potts: And church was always a peaceful place. And, you know, I always tell people, find your own church, whatever that may be, and take that hour because it's important to focus on something else and not just on yourself.

Colin Potts: My mom really bolstered, like, the faith, my belief in faith because of all the stories and all that she had told me and what I had been through with her.

Colin Potts: But that whole challenge was, I don't know, I mean, it was something that, boy, I'm glad I did believe and, you know, did have that faith that I was going to make it because, I don't know, it was scary.

Colin Potts: But, you know, faith has gotten me through everything.

Colin Potts: And faith, as my mom would say, faith in yourself and faith in God.

Colin Potts: But it really solidified. And I believe that, you know, there is value in church and scripture and that. I'm not a zealot by any stretch of the imagination, and certainly people have to find their own way with church.

Colin Potts: And there's been a lot of, obviously, issues in the world with all of that, but there's still a lot of good people. There's still a lot of wisdom.

Colin Potts: There's still a lot of peace that you can find in that, but it definitely solidified something that...

Colin Potts: Had been rocked a lot. And, and naturally we all, when we get rocked in life and lose things and have trauma happen to us, you know, we do question that.

Colin Potts: And, and I think that's a good thing to do because that's how you grow your faith and you become stronger.

Colin Potts: And, and, and I know that after that it's, uh, I'm a firm believer in, in what happened that, uh, that night at the hospital in they are.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. What a powerful testimony that you've been left with.

Kevin Lowe: Honestly, I mean, your life, just from the little bit that you shared today, all of the loss that you've endured, and then the story that you just shared with us, it's just, it's a true, amazing, amazing testimony.

Kevin Lowe: And it's truly powerful.

Kevin Lowe: Wow. Now, I am kind of curious to know, though, I mean, you have this this surgery.

Kevin Lowe: Was it a success in terms of eliminating the pain?

Kevin Lowe: And but now, I mean, you don't have part of your legs.

Kevin Lowe: So now you're in this whole new journey of trying to adapt.

Kevin Lowe: What was that like?

Colin Potts: That was tough. First was waiting to get a prosthesis because my limb was a little late to heal. because of an infection.

Colin Potts: But all of a sudden you're walking with, you know, like I said, a kind of a rubber foot and, you know, a plastic socket and a pipe.

Colin Potts: And you're like, how am I going to do this and learn to walk again?

Colin Potts: And that, and it took a lot because the first year after an amputation is really difficult for anyone because your limb isn't circulating right, and you tend to gather a tremendous amount of water in your limb.

Colin Potts: And so over time, your limb atrophies and changes.

Colin Potts: And so typically, you have a socket, which they do by plaster casts, and then carbon fiber, a socket.

Colin Potts: And that, when your limb shrinks, it shrinks during the day.

Colin Potts: And as it progresses, you have to put socks on, like a one, three, or five-ply sock so that you can balance in it.

Colin Potts: And then you get up to 10-ply and your knee gets really wobbly because there's not a lot of holding on to it and they have to recast and do the whole process and continue to do that.

Colin Potts: And so you're only as good as your fit and I think any amputee will tell you that.

Colin Potts: And when it fits well, it's fine, but when it doesn't, it can be excruciating.

Colin Potts: And that's the hard part and it's easy.

Colin Potts: For people to give up because there is your patients get ultimately tested.

Colin Potts: And I thought I was a patient guy, but this, this really had kind of stretched it, but you know, I kind of kept believing.

Colin Potts: And at that point I had so many family members and friends walk away and I was kind of, kind of low and people were like, you're never going to walk again.

Colin Potts: And your life is over and what's going to happen to Colin.

Colin Potts: And, you know, just the, this, this swirls of negativity. And I'm like, what the hell?

Colin Potts: Literally, I'm like, I didn't expect any of that.

Colin Potts: And that was the part of the journey that was the most difficult, you know, and I'm like, okay, well, I got through all the other stuff.

Colin Potts: But now I got the world telling me that I'm going to fail.

Colin Potts: And so it really took a lot to stay positive at that point to do that.

Colin Potts: And so, you know, I finally got really sick of it.

Colin Potts: And I just said to myself, you know, it's going to be one more step every day.

Colin Potts: And I would never sleep on the sofa downstairs, I would always get up the stairs on crutches without alone is a little more challenging, I can tell you that.

Colin Potts: And so, you know, you just, I was like, I'm not failing.

Colin Potts: And so I took the negative energy and was just, I finally get to the point where I was like, just watch, just watch this.

Colin Potts: It was a powerful turn in my life because it was like, all right, I'm going to make this work, not just for me, but for Anne.

Colin Potts: And then part of me was like, I'm going to prove all of you wrong.

Colin Potts: And then with that, and so, you know, there's those days in the fit and, you know, if it didn't fit right, you know, you just grab your couches and still go and, and, and go and live life.

Colin Potts: And I always tell amputees, don't stay home, go and live and, and do that.

Colin Potts: And so slowly I was making progress, uh, you know, and moving around more and which was crazy because, you know, usually you have, uh, like two sockets, maybe a year at the beginning. and I had 20 because I was being so active and my limb was shrinking so fast.

Colin Potts: And so all of a sudden, you know, I was walking, went to this...

Colin Potts: But I was struggling with curbs and uneven surfaces.

Colin Potts: And then I went to this amputee walk that that South has every year or had every year. They're like, just see if you can make it a lap.

Colin Potts: And so a gentleman who a friend had put me in touch with, who's an amputee, and he was doing really well in his life. He came and walked.

Colin Potts: And it was crazy because it was the kind of the walk went on.

Colin Potts: It unleashed rain-wise. It was pouring. And, you know, you sit there and you're just like, oh, God, you know, this whole thing. And so I kept going and I just kept going and I kept going.

Colin Potts: So I ended up walking a mile and a half.

Colin Potts: And I remember I was sitting there and no one else is walking because it's poor.

Colin Potts: I sat there and tears were coming down my face.

Colin Potts: And it was one of those moments of acceptance in your life. And I was like, I know I'm going to be OK.

Colin Potts: And I am going to be fine because I was able to do that. And everyone was like, why did you walk that long far?

Colin Potts: And I was like, well, no one told me to stop.

Colin Potts: And I think I had a little Forrest Gump moment where I was like, I'm going to walk and I'm going to run, you know, and just no one told me to stop.

Colin Potts: So that day, I really propelled me and I knew it was going to be okay.

Colin Potts: And then I started moving around quickly and jumping over things and landing on a prosthesis and got a new leg and, you know, I could be more active with it.

Colin Potts: It was an Oser ProFlex and things like that.

Colin Potts: It had been harnesses, swatting balls and jumping and landing.

Colin Potts: And I was like, you learned that you can actually land on it because you got to trust the prosthesis.

Colin Potts: And that was a big moment for me, too, because each time you get a new prosthesis, it becomes a part of you at some point where it just it becomes so natural for you to put on and move and do.

Colin Potts: So so those experiences were happening and that.

Colin Potts: And then they were like, I was like, look, I'd love to run again.

Colin Potts: And so I was able to get a running blade and do that.

Colin Potts: And I was swimming and and all of a sudden I was just picking up so much momentum.

Colin Potts: Them and more and more sockets.

Colin Potts: But same time, I was just gathering strength and everyone's like, wow, this is pretty amazing, you know, and watching this.

Colin Potts: And so then my big thing was they had that same 5k in the spring.

Colin Potts: And so I started training for that and learning to use a running blade is very different.

Colin Potts: And you kind of see them in the Olympics and because your hips and how you move.

Colin Potts: And we started off with 30 seconds and a minute and then videotaping from the side to make sure I was landing and adjusting the prosthesis over and over and over so that I was landing properly.

Colin Potts: And as I developed more strength, that changed the whole movement.

Colin Potts: So those, you know, being able to have that adjusted continuously was great.

Colin Potts: And then I'm outside, you know, at seven o'clock in the morning with like the PTA down with this, you know, rubber band around me trying to hold me back and going up hills and doing this.

Colin Potts: And, It's 30 degrees out and I loved it because I was like, oh, my goal was to finish that 5K.

Colin Potts: So it just, you know, there was times where things, you know, like issues with fit and all these things, but I didn't care.

Colin Potts: I was like, I want my life back and I am fighting for this.

Colin Potts: I was able to start and finish the 5K that April.

Colin Potts: And so I come full circle and I was like so excited about where I was, but then I wasn't done and getting back to the gym and getting.

Colin Potts: At that point, it got its leg pressed to 600 pounds and squatting to 325 and all the things I was deadlifting and all this at the gym.

Colin Potts: And all of a sudden, ABC wanted to see it. And all these people really started to go. And I was at this gym.

Colin Potts: And when I would work out, I'd probably have sometimes 7,500 people watch because I think they were just fascinated.

Colin Potts: They'd never seen any MPT before in that.

Colin Potts: So all of a sudden, my life kind of took off in a different trajectory. I was excited.

Colin Potts: I was, you know, the CEO of a company and I was building my life back.

Colin Potts: And but it was just still it was one more step every day.

Colin Potts: And then and then meeting people in PT and stroke patients and helping them walk again and getting them to believe in themselves.

Colin Potts: And all of a sudden, this this kind of calling is kind of birthed out of this whole process to help others and to give back and give people hope.

Colin Potts: And it just, I was really excited because I was getting my life back and fighting for it.

Colin Potts: And there was a new norm and it was good.

Colin Potts: And things were just, as we said, just because things are different doesn't mean they can't be good. And it certainly was good.

Colin Potts: And I was certainly very proud of the progress, but I was like, I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet at all.

Colin Potts: You know, and then it just continued and Amputee Coalition, Peer Visitor and all these other things that kept coming from this. and being able to be on a podcast like this.

Colin Potts: And it's just, it's really this whole calling now to help others.

Colin Potts: And as I said, when I wake up, the very first thing I say to myself in the morning is I wanna give one person hope today.

Colin Potts: So, so much has kind of come from it and from the pain and from that, but certainly there was tough days, but I really kind of was resolved in the sense of you can knock me down, but I will get back up.

Colin Potts: I will dust myself off and I will go live life. And I try to give people that encouragement because it's easy to give up.

Colin Potts: It's easy not to want to get back in the game. It's hard. But through every step was worth it. And having lost so much...

Colin Potts: I wasn't going to squander a day in my life because having seen so much loss in my life and how fragile life was and how much a gift of life every day is a gift and really believing in that and nurturing that gift.

Colin Potts: And, you know, I have no regrets about any of this.

Colin Potts: And it's just it became a really powerful driving point in my life.

Colin Potts: And that's that thing I'm most proud of is taking all the sadness and losing another brother five years ago, but a learning disability into pancreatic cancer and going through that during COVID.

Colin Potts: And it kind of prepped me for everything that, you know, kind of my whole life has prepped me for the next thing.

Colin Potts: And, and so that's, but now it's like, okay, well, let's take all this experience and let's take these stories and let's share them.

Colin Potts: And if we can inspire people to first be their best and, and, and live, live life to its fullest every day, because it's fragile, but knowing that they can overcome any adversity, like I said, faith in God, faith in yourself, and just a positive outlook and how to build a positive outlook.

Colin Potts: So that's kind of where we've come.

Colin Potts: And I'm really excited to be here today to share these experiences and hopefully make a difference in someone's life.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, 100%. Well, Colin, to say that it's been a joy getting to speak with you today would be an understatement.

Kevin Lowe: I absolutely love your outlook on life.

Kevin Lowe: I love the stories that you've shared, the overcoming, the honestly, the reminder to us all that we're so much more capable of, of overcoming than we think we will be.

Kevin Lowe: I know myself, I mean, there's many things I think of.

Kevin Lowe: I can't imagine if this happens. But the fact is true is that God equips us with what we need when we need it.

Kevin Lowe: And you have a beautiful story of that.

Kevin Lowe: It's just been an absolute honor to get to hear all of this.

Kevin Lowe: My last question for you, honestly, is for the person listening today, hey, how can we support you?

Kevin Lowe: How can we be sure that somebody has stayed plugged into your world, is there for you to help you keep living out this mission?

Colin Potts: Well, I appreciate that. And I think, you know, I'm finishing a book and I hope to have that, you know, really done after the holidays where I've gotten really close on that and really just, you know, being aware of the book comes out and following me on, you know, Facebook and Instagram and those things.

Colin Potts: And, and really sharing the story and like this podcast, if someone's down or someone needs, uh, is going through something tough is, is really just sharing these experiences and getting it out in the world for me.

Colin Potts: And it's just one more person you reach and, you know, you kind of built that traction.

Colin Potts: And, you know, my goal is to speak at, I say national stadium, cause it's downtown and now it's four years and, and to do that.

Colin Potts: And so I just need people to share my experiences.

Colin Potts: And then just, you know, if anyone's out there, If you need any help, just contact me. I'll walk with you as many steps as you want me to, you know, and share what I can share to help make your life better.

Colin Potts: But just sharing the stories and experiences and reading the book and doing those things just helps me build out in the world.

Colin Potts: And it's people are like, I'm so glad I found you and I needed to find you.

Colin Potts: And then you start to see that it's not coincidence when you start, you know, certain people kind of pass through and you make contact with.

Colin Potts: Or they make contact with me.

Colin Potts: And it's that sharing.

Colin Potts: And when we share together, we build better lives together. And that's certainly important to me.

Colin Potts: And that's all I want to do is share these experiences as raw and real as they are so that I can help you better your life and help you through when you're down and when you've been knocked down and kind of the steps of, you know, how to stand back up and how to live life again.

Colin Potts: But that would be a great gift if you can just follow and share my story.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, well, I will be positive that everything related to you, links, books, everything is in the episode show notes as well as on the website for anybody to have easy access to.

Kevin Lowe: So please, by all means, if you're listening today, please be sure that you check out today's show notes or head on over to the website, GritGraceInspiration.com, where you can find all of Colin's information.

Kevin Lowe: Colin, my man, just one more time. Thank you so much for taking the time to be here.

Colin Potts: Well, Kevin, I can't thank you enough. I remember our first conversation and within like a minute, I was like, we were supposed to meet. Our paths were supposed to cross.

Colin Potts: And, you know, when I listen to your questions and that, I know with your experiences and that we were supposed to meet.

Colin Potts: I greatly appreciate the opportunity to be with you and look forward to a friendship, you know, like friends for forever.

Colin Potts: And that's the greatest gift of, you know, is being able to speak on the podcast.

Colin Potts: But it's the friendship that I feel like we've developed and will continue to develop.

Colin Potts: That's going to be the greatest gift of today.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I agree 100 percent. Well, man, well, thank you so much.

Kevin Lowe: And for you listening today, thank you so much for being here.

Kevin Lowe: I hope you've enjoyed our conversation with Colin as much as I have.

Kevin Lowe: Hopefully you're smiling as big as I am. You're thinking about life, maybe in a little bit deeper sense than when you first came and hit play on this podcast.

Kevin Lowe: That's what today's episode is here for, is to give you just a change in perspective to look at life from a different angle. Sometimes we just need that reminder.

Kevin Lowe: So until our next episode, I just hope that you enjoy your day.

Kevin Lowe: Thank you for being here.

Kevin Lowe: If there's somebody in your life who you're thinking of who needs to hear this message, please be sure to share today's episode with them.

Kevin Lowe: So until next time, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe. And my friend, this is grit, grace, and inspiration.