An Honest Conversation in Knowing When It's Time to Make a Change

Life coaching can be expensive.

I wanted to have a manual that I could hand to someone and say, this is under$20 and you can start here if you're self-directed.

There are so many amazing things here that can help you gain confidence and make whatever changes you need to do.

So I wrote this book, which I never expected to write in a million years.

SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm Kevin Below, the host of The Lowdown with Kevin Low.

Here on the podcast, my aim is to study the world for blind out.

And my hope is that you need feeling supply motivated.

And to be quite honest, it wasn't fucking the life out of it.

She was waking up every day going to a job that just no longer was serving her.

Matter of fact, it was destroying her.

It was robbing her of who she truly was.

And she finally came to the realization that she had to make a check.

SPEAKER_00: In my late 20s, I was a little burnt out.

I had worked in nightclubs and in restaurants and decided I wanted something a little more nine to five.

So I found my way into the wine industry and picked up my bag of samples, and I was a route salesperson.

And it was so fun to be in my late 20s and to walk around and to tell people I was in the wine industry and as a salesperson.

But then slowly I began to realize being a route salesperson is not all that it's cracked up to be.

So I began imagining maybe something a little easier, something a little better, something with a little less everyday rejection.

And lo and behold, there was this great marketing position that had opened up for me.

And within a year, and I was very lucky to have done this, I was able to move to the inside in the wine industry to become a brand manager.

And it was absolutely amazing.

I found my way to a family-owned and operated company.

And it was all about a sense of urgency and excellence.

And we very quickly grew out the company from about$8 million when I started to about$20 million very quickly.

At the same time, I also had gotten married and had a child.

So at a point within my career, I had two children.

I had this company that I was helping to grow, and I also had my son, which I was helping to grow.

So those were the beginnings of the wine industry.

I was one of only a handful of female executives at that point in time.

Luckily, that's not the way that it is anymore.

But it was an interesting world that I had to play in, most definitely.

And uh I felt like I had to put on a suit of armor and be something else every single day as I went into work.

I had to be more commanding, I had to be strong, I had to hold people accountable.

When it really wasn't necessarily who I was on the inside.

And that is when the wine industry began to wear on me a little bit.

And I began to look around and begin to think about what I should be doing next.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

So yeah, and I mean it's it's one thing to to wake up every day and have a job that you are passionate about, you love, but even if it's a job that you find that you have an interest in, if you have to go to work and like, as you said, put on this this face, put on this armor of a person you aren't, that's just has to be so taxing.

SPEAKER_00: It is.

It absolutely is.

And between sleepless nights, my son not really sleeping the night through until he was about two or three years old, and everything else that was going on in my life at the time, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

She survived, she's alive and well now.

My father had a pretty bad motorcycle accident, and then the president of our company was diagnosed with stage four cancer and passed away pretty quickly.

So, in a very small amount of time, this job that I loved and I could kind of fake and make my way through with everything else that was going on in my life, it became a burden to get up and be and do those things.

And then just as I was beginning to realize that, our company sold to a larger international company that was a little more corporate in style.

And that's when I really realized that it was time for me to begin to look around and find my next step.

SPEAKER_01: At that point, did you have any idea what that next step would be?

SPEAKER_00: You know, it's interesting because I can look back and point to it, but when I was in the midst of it, I didn't really know.

That corporate type atmosphere really kind of exposed weaknesses in people and not only in their professional lives, but in their personal lives.

And so at a point in time, they would come into my office and they would let down their hair, and I would begin to coach and mentor them and try and help them through, you know, both their professional and their personal situations in order to help them move forward.

And I began to realize I wanted more and more of those conversations.

And unfortunately, there was less and less time for me to help people in that way.

And that's that's where it all began.

And I thought, okay, when I decide to leave, I need to help people.

I need to do something where I get up every single day, and I know that I'm making an impact on someone's life.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

So at that point, how long ago was that when when you when you finally got out of the wine industry?

SPEAKER_00: When I made the decision.

Yes.

That was the end of June 2018.

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

SPEAKER_00: So a few years ago.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So at that point, so so I love, I love where this is going with this, is because it's kind of reminding me of of a conversation I actually had with with another another guest just a couple of episodes ago.

And and we talked a lot about, you know, like finding your life's purpose and your passion.

And and so I'm kind of loving where you're where you're going with this.

So so from that point, you you recognized, you know, you went from this job that was was tough on you, wearing on you, to to then all of a sudden realizing you kind of found this this something that you were you were good at and you were enjoying.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_01: And so so what what did you do with it then?

When you when you finally, you know, pulled the plug, you left the wine industry, what what was the next step for you?

SPEAKER_00: So the very first thing that I did was promise myself that I was not going to do anything and not look for my next steps for at least three months.

I made the decision to take the summer off along with my son.

And because I had been through a divorce a few years before, I really felt like I wanted to spend more time with him and bond with him.

So for three months, I read the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy.

I went to the pool.

I did, I started working out more and more.

There were just things that I hadn't been able to do for myself or my son for so long.

So, and I decluttered my basement.

Those are the things that I really attacked in that three-month period of time.

And then I thought, you know, I'll be a consultant.

It's something that can kind of easily move from what I was doing before and move forward and pay the bills and do those types of things.

So as soon as that period was over, I happened to find uh someone that I began to work with pretty consistently, and that was enjoyable.

And I was helping him, but I wasn't helping him with the big capital letters.

And so that was always in the back of my mind.

And it wasn't until just before COVID settled in last year that I decided I'm going to take a life coach certification course.

And that started mid-March of last year.

And within weeks of being a part of that course and being with other people who were feeling the same way about helping others, I was like, this is it.

I found it.

I knew that this was the path that I was supposed to be on.

And it was as if someone had lit a fire inside of me.

I had burning energy and optimism like I haven't had in years.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

Almost like you finally found something that you didn't even know you were missing.

SPEAKER_00: That's correct.

That's correct.

And I I'm very lucky.

I made that realization at the age of 47 and had the enthusiasm and the energy to push through all of that fear that goes along with making changes and doing something new.

And I am grateful for it.

I am grateful every single day for having the strength to do it.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I think, you know, at that age in our life, at that point in our life, you know, it's kind of funny the the things that society puts on us.

And so uh, you know, when when you're getting up to the age that you're talking about, you know, society tells us, I mean, you're supposed to be in that set career and you're working towards retirement.

And you're not supposed to be changing careers.

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00: And so you're supposed to stay in your lane and just keep going until you kind of fade off into the sunset.

SPEAKER_01: Exactly.

And that's that's not life today, you know.

I mean, it it's great in thought and and for a storybook, but it's not real life for many people.

SPEAKER_00: Agreed.

Yes, but I almost I almost stuck it out.

After our company was sold, I made a promise to myself that I would stick it out until I was 50.

I would jam down all of these thoughts and feelings that I was having that I didn't belong there and I was going to make it, and I didn't make it.

At the age of 45, I said, no, I have at least 20 great years ahead of me.

Why would I not try this?

Why would I not go find that thing that will make me happy and I can bring to other people?

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.

Now, talk to me because because I hear this term a lot, life coach.

What exactly is a life coach?

SPEAKER_00: That's such a great question.

So there is a, I'm gonna be a little dry, maybe there's a very traditional model of life coaching, which is what I was taught, most people are taught, and that is you really you speak with your clients, you ask probing open-ended questions, you try and draw out of them what they really need, but you also draw out of them based on what they have to say, what is going to make them happy, the change that is going to make them the happiest.

It's very client-centered.

I completely believe in that model, but I felt personally like I had more to give.

I had learned so many amazing things on my journey through change that in in the traditional coaching model doesn't necessarily work because it is so client-directed.

SPEAKER_01: So, so what what did you do different?

SPEAKER_00: So when I decided, oh hey, I've I have all of this inside of me, I made the decision in July of last year that I was going to take all those things that I wanted to say and all the all these step-by-step practices and lessons that I wanted to give, and I decided that I was going to write it.

I felt like it was the best way to get this information out there and put together.

It was also the best way to reach women and men who would never consider going to a life coach.

It just didn't make sense for them mentally.

It's not what they want to do.

Life coaching can be expensive.

I wanted to have a manual that I could hand to someone and say, This is under$20, and you can start here if you're self-directed.

There are so many amazing things here that can help you gain confidence and make whatever changes you need to do.

So I wrote this book, which I never expected to write in a million years.

SPEAKER_01: That's so awesome.

So what is the name of your book?

SPEAKER_00: The name of my book is Ever Wish You Got Hit by a Truck.

And the subtitle is A Woman's Manual for Bravely Changing Lanes at Any Age.

SPEAKER_01: So, first off, I love the name of your book.

And second of all, when I was reading my notes and stuff, I thought, Kev, you're not about to just bust out with the name of her book because you're gonna screw it up.

And because it's I have to ask you, where did what where did the name of this book come from?

What does what does that even mean?

SPEAKER_00: Sure, absolutely.

So that that came from a point in my life when my marriage was unfortunately falling apart.

I felt like I was struggling to be a good mom.

And this company that I did love was exploding and everything needed me more and more.

And I was beginning to get really run down.

And so I would daydream on my way into work, like maybe if I got like just a little hit from a truck, something small, nothing, you know, not a catastrophe, but something small, like maybe I could get a few days off, or maybe it would spark some sort of change and I would it would help me just move forward.

I mean, it was it was my brain, my twisted brain.

I I my mind does not work the same way other people's does, and my parents, I'm going to thank them for that.

But no, that was it.

And you know, as I began to think about the title, I really wanted to reach right into someone's heart and say, hey, have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever felt like you can't do anything and you're stuck?

Have you ever felt like maybe something should come along and kind of, you know, put you out of your misery in a funnier type of way, though, not in like a, you know, I'd like to die sort of way.

But I it was just that daydream and it's that point of desperation when you know something has to change, but you just don't have the strength to do it or know how to do it on your own.

SPEAKER_01: And all I can sit there and think is I don't know if there's anyone listening to this podcast who can't say at some point in their life they haven't felt like that.

SPEAKER_00: Agreed.

SPEAKER_01: We Because I know from for myself, I mean, there is, there's, and I know for for myself, I mean, speaking many times in in my in my life, in my journey, especially, you know, in even more uh, you know, recent years and stuff, of you know, whether it's a physical thing or of just wanting something to change or or not understanding where I'm supposed to be at in life, what I'm supposed to be doing.

And so, you know, it's so easy to connect with exactly what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00: Kevin, thank you for that.

And that is a response that I am getting over and over.

It was, this is such a personal thing.

And being someone who had their own struggles along the way with, you know, just perfectionism is something that you and I have talked about, where it was really hard to put myself out there in this way and to have like that connection point and a lot of positivity around people saying exactly that.

I am grateful.

I am so happy to hear that because it's I've done what I set out to do.

That's the first part.

The second part then is to actually have people read what I've put together and give them the tools they need to change their own life.

That those are number one and number two.

Impact and then make it happen.

SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.

Now, for your book, is it geared towards anyone say in particular, like at any, you know, for any particular point in their life, or is it kind of well-rounded that, you know, anybody at any age going through any point in their life, it would be beneficial?

SPEAKER_00: So I believe that what I have put together, the physical step-by-step guides through some of the practices that are helpful, I think that those resonate with absolutely anyone, men, women, etc.

My story needed to be included because it is, I'm using it as an inspirational part.

And it's hard for me to say that because this book really isn't about me.

But I thought it was important for me to take my age and I basically start the book saying my life was falling apart and I was 40 years old.

So I think people 40 plus, it may resonate a little more with them, but you can most certainly identify with feeling stuck and feeling the need to move forward and then use the practices that I've put together, regardless of who you are.

SPEAKER_01: I love it.

I love it.

Now, so do you have any tips for somebody who maybe they're at a point in their life right now and they're stuck, but they're just like you and in a situation just like yours later in life, and and maybe they've been at a career for a while and and it's the safe and the stable thing, but it's just not what brings them joy.

Right.

I mean, because of the fact of it is the big scary decision, you know.

It is what advice would you give to them?

SPEAKER_00: The first thing that I would say is that you need to take a look at the quality of your life and you need to look to see if you are living it authentically.

Authentically and authenticity, it's something that people throw around.

But I would really encourage people to say, do you feel like yourself when you get out of bed in the morning and you go about your day and do what you're doing?

Because if not, you have an opportunity to change that.

There is something so incredibly powerful in showing up exactly as you are on a daily basis.

That feeling of being stuck, you're really not having the opportunity to share yourself to the fullest with the rest of the world.

And I would really encourage people to start there.

SPEAKER_01: That's perfect.

That's perfect.

Oh my goodness.

So now is is your book it is out now and available for people to purchase?

SPEAKER_00: No, it's not, but very soon.

My book will be available through Amazon on July 20th.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.

So super.

I'm sitting there thinking, oh no, here we are.

We're talking, and now she's got us all built up and we need the help, and the help is not there.

Yes.

But very coming though.

SPEAKER_00: It's coming.

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.

So now I wanted to ask you, you know, we we touched on, you know, because uh me and you were talking a little bit about this, you know, having this perfectionism, you know, about us.

How did that affect going into writing a book?

SPEAKER_00: It's it damn near stopped it in his tracks.

I mean, it's it, it, yeah, it it was so scary to think about putting it out there.

And that perfectionism piece and imposter syndrome overall is something that I have definitely struggled with my entire life.

So, and as a perfectionist, it's very easy to say, if this isn't perfect, I'm not putting it out there.

And I will tell you, I've said that a number of times throughout this entire process.

So uh, at a point, I just had the belief that my message in these things were truly going to help people.

And I needed to learn to put myself out there, and sometimes whatever pictures I put out there or whatever I was writing in the very beginning and putting out on my website, it wasn't perfect, but I survived.

And it is really that vulnerability piece that's been my journey through this entire process of writing a book and putting it out there.

It's been scary, but it's it's exciting.

And I feel like other people are are seeing that I've survived at the age of, I'm now 48, I know, so scary, but at the age of 48, I'm doing things that I never imagined I would do and never even had the courage to try when I was younger.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's awesome.

I think that's so amazing.

And, you know, and I and I feel like, you know, as far as you know, like an age, I feel like it's it's another one of those things that I feel like society has kind of done us wrong on is putting these these uh markers based on an age of of where we should be in life, what we should be doing, you know.

And it's like to me, it's like when you look at it from the big picture, is you know what?

Why does 50 have to be any different than 20?

You know, if you if you want to make a change, if you want to do something different, that something that brings you joy and can help people, just go for it, you know?

And and that's what I just I love that about about you, about your your story of doing just that.

I think it's just I think it's really awesome.

SPEAKER_00: Thank you.

Uh, you know, in the very beginning, when I was trying to decide, you know, who who was I speaking to, there there are some great um things to get you writing, and it basically says who is your target audience and what Why do you feel like you need to speak to them?

And I really feel like it is that 40 and over crowd that we're not celebrating their successes as much as we do the younger generation.

I am in full support of this next generation because hopefully they will be taking care of me when I can't continue to work, et cetera.

But I do really feel like you said that 40 and over crowd gets left behind a little bit.

And it's time to dig into their stories and their fears and give them what they need to try and have a fantastic end to their life.

SPEAKER_01: That's it.

That's it.

Because I mean, whether it's a book or real life, we all need a good ending to the story, you know?

So we do.

We deserve it.

That's awesome.

Now, so now I would love to know what your life is like today in comparison to what it was back when in the whole wine industry and stuff.

How how does how does your life compare today?

SPEAKER_00: It's so incredibly different.

I when I was in the wine industry, I needed to get up at 4 45 in the morning so that I could get on the computer, answer the emails.

I had to put the suit of armor together for the day, so that needed to be part of it.

My hair had to be pulled back, everything had to be as perfect as humanly possible.

I would go into work, I would fight my way through meetings, etc., fight to try and get, you know, what we needed to be successful.

Everything was a fight and it was constant conflict.

And then I can remember leaving at the end of the day, leaving later than I would want to because I wanted to see my son, feeling guilty because I was working too much and not really giving him enough time.

And then, you know, I would I was exhausted and I would get up in the morning and I would feel as if I hadn't even closed my eyes today.

Fast forward.

So now I'm up at 5 45.

I get to sleep in an hour.

I have more time with my son, and especially during COVID, that was important because he was scrolling from home.

I can set my schedule as I see fit.

I tend to work with um I do readership consulting.

I tend to work with those gentlemen primarily, and um do writing, websites, et cetera, in the morning, and then I have time in the afternoon for coaching.

And I also have a rescue dog that I can take out and spend time with.

It's a lot about me, but I try and fit in as much as possible so I can directly connect with my clients and the people who need me the most.

But the the pressure and that stress level and the weight of being someone else or fighting every single day is just gone.

It's really, it's so refreshing to wake up and be me.

And I have boundless energy.

And when I started taking that life coaching class, I said I felt like I was 35 again.

And I still feel that way because I am living the life that I was meant to live.

SPEAKER_01: That's so awesome.

I love it.

I love it.

And wow, well, when when the book is released, you said July 20th, correct?

SPEAKER_00: That's correct.

SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.

And that will be available on through Amazon.

That's correct.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Now, now what about everybody?

Are you on social media?

Anything like that that people can follow you?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.

They can find me on LinkedIn and also on Facebook.

Those are the two places that I tend to haunt on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01: Well, that sounds good.

Well, I will be sure to to link to to all of the the website, LinkedIn and Facebook in the show notes.

And um, and then oh my goodness, like I said, I just I don't know.

I just I find your story so inspiring.

I I connect it very much to to my own life with with with my mom.

My mom, she, you know, she made a career change, you know, later in life.

And you know, some some change is you don't always, I don't think, want to make change, but after you do it and you go through it, sometimes you realize how necessary it is.

SPEAKER_00: Sure.

SPEAKER_01: You know, and and so anyway, so I just I want to thank you so much for for sharing a little, you know, little piece of piece of your story, you know, with with my listeners.

And and I think uh all of us will be looking forward to that book.

So thank you.

SPEAKER_00: And Kevin, thank you for doing this.

Thank you for in spite of everything that has happened in your life, and right, we all have something we struggle with.

I love the fact that you're doing this.

I love the fact that you are finding those stories of inspiration and sharing them.

So thank you.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, thank you.

That that truly means so much to me.

It's um, you know, like like I've said, I mean, we we never know it seems like where where life's gonna take us.

And sometimes it seems like we we think we know where it's gonna go.

And so we start paddling a little bit harder.

And then sometimes at that point, it seems like the current really shifts directions and it makes us realize, you know what?

Nope, nope, nope, that's not the right way.

And and so, and that's where you know I I found myself doing this podcast and and loving it.

And, you know, for for no other reason than I I've always given myself a trait of being a people person, loving to talk to people, meet people, and having this podcast, look, I'm getting to talk to you, somebody who I never even would have known about before.

And yet now I get to sit down and uh you know just have a conversation with you, and I just it's really awesome.

So well, wonderful.

Well, thank you so much.

And for everyone listening, I hope you enjoyed another episode here on the lowdown with Tether Below.

And that's the lowdown with Tether Low.

I hope today's episode inspired you, motivated you, and excited you to get out and enjoy life, no matter what obstacles that may be standing in the way.