#409: I Feel Like a Fraud: Battling Self-Doubt & Imposter Syndrome with The Power of Hope

Kevin Lowe: Because I don't even believe the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Kevin Lowe: If you've ever had that experience, then my friend, I think you might be able to relate to exactly how I was feeling, how I feel certain days.

Kevin Lowe: Luckily, it's not very often, but when it does happen, it hurts.

Kevin Lowe: And I thought it was time for us to talk about it. With that said, my friend, I welcome you to grit, grace, and inspiration. I am your host, Kevin Lowe, a guy who became completely blind almost 22 years ago.

Kevin Lowe: And yeah, ironically, I'm on a personal mission to shine as much light as I can on the world while I'm still here.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, this is episode 409. It is my absolute honor to have you here with me today.

Kevin Lowe: So with that said, let's go ahead and dive into today's episode.

Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I got great grace and inspiration. On my mind So here's the truth. Most of the time, I completely am all in on what I'm talking about.

Kevin Lowe: I believe what I'm saying. It's why I've been doing this podcast for now over five years. If I didn't believe it, well, I wouldn't have hung in here this long.

Kevin Lowe: But the fact is true is that, as you know, not all days are perfect.

Kevin Lowe: Not all days go the way we hope.

Kevin Lowe: Some days we just kind of wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

Kevin Lowe: We have a mindset shift that's not like normal, and it takes a toll on you.

Kevin Lowe: And that's what happened to me.

Kevin Lowe: That's what inspired me to record today's episode, thinking that if I deal with this, then maybe I'm not the only one.

Kevin Lowe: Maybe there's somebody else who can relate.

Kevin Lowe: And on this day that inspired today's episode, I had this time when it hit me, where I felt like a fraud, where my mindset was in the gutter.

Kevin Lowe: I wasn't thinking positive at all.

Kevin Lowe: I felt like everything I'd been working on was for nothing, wondering why I was even still trying.

Kevin Lowe: And I couldn't help but think of the irony.

Kevin Lowe: Here I am hosting this podcast. Here I am getting on stage, being Mr.

Kevin Lowe: Positive, being Mr. Inspiration. And yet I'm sitting here in my home, feeling like all of it's for nothing.

Kevin Lowe: Feeling like, why am I even doing this? Why am I trying? What is any of it worth?

Kevin Lowe: Starting to doubt every plan I've been working towards, every dream I've been pursuing.

Kevin Lowe: And then I had to stop and I had to remind myself, Kevin, it's just a bad day.

Kevin Lowe: And some days you're just going to have a bad day.

Kevin Lowe: But don't let one bad day dictate the rest of your life.

Kevin Lowe: And the truth is, is that maybe you've had one of these days.

Kevin Lowe: Maybe even it's not even that you just woke up feeling this way, but it was one bad thing after another started happening.

Kevin Lowe: Before you know it, you feel like the day is one giant snowball rolling down the mountain, gaining speed, growing bigger as it goes. and you're wondering to yourself, what the heck just happened?

Kevin Lowe: Can I please just go back to bed and start over?

Kevin Lowe: Or maybe it's a few nights of not enough sleep. That was the case for me.

Kevin Lowe: It had been, I don't know, three, four nights of just not sleeping well.

Kevin Lowe: That lack of sleep would prove to be the snowball because that lack of sleep started having me questioning my decisions. It led to me feeling disappointed over decisions I've made or decisions I didn't make.

Kevin Lowe: And of course, you know, the worst of all is feeling discouraged over stuff that's completely out of my control. And I know it.

Kevin Lowe: And yet in that moment, while I'm on this downward slope, building speed as I'm going, snowball getting bigger, everything just kept compounding into one, compiling.

Kevin Lowe: And here I am, was supposed to be recording a podcast that day.

Kevin Lowe: I couldn't do it. I straight up couldn't do it because I couldn't even make myself smile.

Kevin Lowe: I darn sure couldn't get on this podcast, record something that you would care to listen to when I felt like just balling up and sleeping the day away.

Kevin Lowe: And on this day, yeah, I felt like a fraud.

Kevin Lowe: I tell you to stay positive. or maybe better said, how could I dare get on the microphone, record an episode telling you to be positive, telling you to not get weighed down by all this stuff happening in your life, but instead to think ahead.

Kevin Lowe: How can I do that if I was feeling like I was?

Kevin Lowe: Basically, to be the person handing you the life jacket when myself, I can't even tread water.

Kevin Lowe: I'm sinking deeper and deeper down.

Kevin Lowe: And yet I'm acting like all is going to be okay.

Kevin Lowe: And so I knew better than to do anything that day.

Kevin Lowe: I knew that, you know what? Maybe it's a simple sign that I need a break today.

Kevin Lowe: As I said, it had been a few nights of not enough sleep.

Kevin Lowe: Things weren't going well. And so I've learned sometimes we just got to give ourselves a little bit of grace, give ourselves a break.

Kevin Lowe: And I have to wonder, have you ever been in that situation?

Kevin Lowe: And have you done the same? Or did you push through?

Kevin Lowe: Maybe it just depends on your personality, who you are, what you know works for you.

Kevin Lowe: For myself, I just need to give myself some time off, Some time to just spend doing nothing, binging a little bit of shows on Apple TV, just doing stuff to occupy my time and to keep myself from continuing down this rabbit hole of getting deeper and darker with my thoughts.

Kevin Lowe: If you've been there, then I have to believe you know what I'm talking about.

Kevin Lowe: And in the aftermath of this day, of course, I had time to reflect on it because I'm a guy who's really naturally positive.

Kevin Lowe: I was lucky enough to be born with that glass half full personality.

Kevin Lowe: I am grateful for it. And so in the aftermath of this day, I had time to kind of sit and reflect on it and to think about why did it hit so hard?

Kevin Lowe: Why does one bad day, waking up, maybe I'm a little tired, why does that din spiral me out of control?

Kevin Lowe: And I kept coming back to this theme of this gap between our expectations for life and reality.

Kevin Lowe: If we think about adulthood, I don't know about you, but being an adult doesn't look at all like I was led to believe it would feel like, what it would look like, what it would be like.

Kevin Lowe: As a kid growing up, all we want to do is be older. We want to be an adult.

Kevin Lowe: And let's face it, we were led to believe, even if in our own thoughts and opinions, that being an adult is awesome. It's freedom.

Kevin Lowe: You can go and you can do. You can buy anything you want.

Kevin Lowe: You get to make the choices. You have no rules. You have no parents guarding over you. You get to do what you want.

Kevin Lowe: And yet, here is the reality. I'm almost 40 years old.

Kevin Lowe: Where's the wife? Where's the family? Where's the big home?

Kevin Lowe: That's what I was sold growing up. Was being an adult, you get to have all that.

Kevin Lowe: But then, of course, life got in the way. My life took me down a road I wasn't expecting. No one ever saw coming.

Kevin Lowe: Health issues, medical complications that I still deal with today.

Kevin Lowe: And so, therefore, my life today, it doesn't look anything like that picture I had in my mind growing up, that idea of what it would be like to be an adult.

Kevin Lowe: Because what nobody told us, and this is true, whether or not you've had anything catastrophic happen in your life, like me becoming blind, having a brain tumor that's caused me to have all these complicated medical issues, stuff that truly, honestly impacts me, makes life more difficult than even the blindness.

Kevin Lowe: Regardless whether or not you've had anything like that happen in your life or not.

Kevin Lowe: Nobody told us that adulthood wasn't all what we had dreamed, that there would be days when we feel trapped, when we feel alone, and days when we'll wonder what's all it worth.

Kevin Lowe: Nobody told us that there would be entire seasons where you question every move you've ever made. Now, maybe they didn't tell us this stuff for a good reason.

Kevin Lowe: Maybe at that point, I mean, who the heck would ever want to grow up and pursue any dreams and goals?

Kevin Lowe: But at the same point, I was left to wonder what happened between then and now, between the dreams and the goals, between this idea of what it would be and what it is.

Kevin Lowe: So in amongst my rambling today, I guess the question remains, why do I still do what I do?

Kevin Lowe: Why do I still get behind this microphone? Why am I finally back in the saddle recording this episode today?

Kevin Lowe: Why am I pursuing getting on stages as an inspirational speaker?

Kevin Lowe: And that's the simple fact that if we let reality stand in the way of our hopes and our dreams, then what is any of it worth?

Kevin Lowe: I believe that hope is the most powerful thing any of us can possess.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, I'm sure that you have been through some really tough stuff in life, some really bad times.

Kevin Lowe: You've been through hell and back. If you don't have hope in something better, in something bigger, then I have to wonder, would you ever have gotten out of the hole in the first place?

Kevin Lowe: You have to have hope in something more.

Kevin Lowe: For myself, I have to have hope that all of it's worth it.

Kevin Lowe: And on those days when I'm doubting everything, when I feel like a fraud, when I feel like a failure in life, It has to be hope that I pull on, that I tug on the power of hope to get me out of that dark place.

Kevin Lowe: And so today, while I sit here on the microphone recording today's episode, I'm not pretending that everything is great.

Kevin Lowe: I'm not pretending that life is easy. No.

Kevin Lowe: Instead, I'm just here reminding you that there is the power of hope, that if we keep plugging, if we keep doing the thing, if we keep showing up.

Kevin Lowe: That there are better days ahead. I know it.

Kevin Lowe: I know it in my heart. It's why I keep pursuing my goals and my dreams.

Kevin Lowe: It's why I encourage you to do the same.

Kevin Lowe: Because again, if you're in a dark place in life, well, my friend, I want you to get out of it as fast as I want to get out of a dark place of mine.

Kevin Lowe: None of us were meant to stay in the darkness.

Kevin Lowe: None of us were meant to live in a hole.

Kevin Lowe: No, we were meant to thrive. And that's what I want for you, just as I want the same for myself.

Kevin Lowe: So to round out today's episode, I just want to remind you that if you ever have days when you feel like life isn't going quite right, if you feel like a fraud, if you feel like a failure, I want you to know two things.

Kevin Lowe: First and foremost, you're not alone. By no means are you alone.

Kevin Lowe: And second of all, it's just one day.

Kevin Lowe: It's just one season. It's just one little chapter of your life.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, you will get through this.

Kevin Lowe: Tomorrow is a brand new day. It's the gift of the morning sunlight, signaling a new day has begun.

Kevin Lowe: If you ever need someone to talk to, please reach out to me.

Kevin Lowe: I am here for you, however I can be.

Kevin Lowe: You can find my contact information inside of today's show notes or on my website at gritgraceinspiration.com.

Kevin Lowe: Again, I don't have a big team. So whether you email me, you send me a message through the website, send me a message through social media, it's me who is responding.

Kevin Lowe: I have no crazy chatbots or AI robots or even real life secretaries. It's just me.

Kevin Lowe: So if you message me, just know it's going to be me getting back to you.

Kevin Lowe: Again, all of that information is in today's show notes.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, if nothing else, I hope today's episode just gives you a little bit of hope that even on the darkest day, there is a brighter tomorrow.

Kevin Lowe: My friend, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe. And this, of course, is grit, grace, and inspiration.

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