#391: 3 Ways We Respond to Life’s Hardest Situations—But Only 1 Leads to Personal Growth After Trauma

Kevin Lowe: My friend, when your back is against the wall, what do you do?

Kevin Lowe: Who do you become? As you're going to see in today's episode, I believe it comes down to three choices, three opportunities that you have to decide which one you're going to choose.

Kevin Lowe: And dependent upon which one you choose, well, everything depends on it.

Kevin Lowe: Today, tomorrow, your future, your legacy, all depend on one choice.

Kevin Lowe: Who are you going to be when your back is against the wall? My friend, I welcome you to episode 391 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, a guy on a mission to use my own life's experience combined with, well, just living life, interviewing people from around the world to be a help to you.

Kevin Lowe: That is my hope. That is my mission, is to make your day a little bit better than it could have been before you hit play.

Kevin Lowe: So again, that is what today is all about That's what I'm all about And listen, I'm just excited that you're here with me on this wild ride So with that, my friend, I welcome you Let's go ahead and get started with today's episode...

Podcast Intro featuring the song, I got Grit, Grace, & Inspiration on my mind.

Kevin Lowe: If you caught my recent conversation had with Damon West inside of episode 390, then you know, my friend, that that was one of the most powerful interviews that I have ever published here on the podcast.

Kevin Lowe: Damon, awesome guy. His story, one made for the movies, no doubt.

Kevin Lowe: But there was one part of his story that really captivated me, that led me to want to record today's episode.

Kevin Lowe: And that was this idea of when your back's against the wall.

Kevin Lowe: Damon, he shared the story of when it was all coming to an end.

Kevin Lowe: Here he was, he had been living the high life. He had been head of a major crime ring.

Kevin Lowe: But it was all coming down, and he knew it. He was sitting in a house, a drug house, and he knew it was all about to end when sure enough it did.

Kevin Lowe: The SWAT team broke in. They arrested him. They got the guy on the most wanted list.

Kevin Lowe: Ultimately, if you heard his story, which my friend, my gosh, if you did not hear his story, please hit pause, go back, listen to episode 390, and then come back to today's episode.

Kevin Lowe: Because his interview, incredible.

Kevin Lowe: But what happened next is the unthinkable.

Kevin Lowe: He would ultimately be sentenced to 65 years in prison. Talk about a moment when your back is against the wall, when you have nothing else, nothing left to fight for.

Kevin Lowe: But he was told of something, the story of the coffee bean by another prisoner, a story that changed his life from that day forward.

Kevin Lowe: Now, as I continue, what I want you to understand is that we're using Damon's story as our reference point.

Kevin Lowe: It's our point of inspiration. But for you, it looks different.

Kevin Lowe: Hopefully you've not just been arrested. Hopefully you're not about to be arrested.

Kevin Lowe: Hopefully it's nothing like Damon's story. But that doesn't mean that what you're going through is any less impactful.

Kevin Lowe: Because the fact is, my friend, that heartbreak can do it.

Kevin Lowe: Losing your job can do it. A diagnosis can do it.

Kevin Lowe: All of these can be a life sentence in and of themselves. So the question is, is that whenever this moment happens, when your back's against the wall, when the water is boiling, what do you become?

Kevin Lowe: And here's the metaphor that changed Damon's story.

Kevin Lowe: And I believe it can change your story as well. In a pot of boiling water, in the situation you're in, you just got the diagnosis.

Kevin Lowe: You just got let go from your job. Or maybe it was something like you just got in a fight with your spouse.

Kevin Lowe: You guys are angry at each other. You said things that you regret.

Kevin Lowe: You did things that you wish you hadn't. It's the boiling water moment.

Kevin Lowe: Your back's against the wall and you have three choices.

Kevin Lowe: Your first choice is to be an egg. What happens to an egg when you put an egg in boiling water? Well, it hardens.

Kevin Lowe: Your heart can get hard. You can get tough.

Kevin Lowe: You can put on that hard exterior surface to protect yourself. Let your heart get hard.

Kevin Lowe: Let every emotion go out and you just become a hardened soul.

Kevin Lowe: So if you want to shield your heart, if you want to stop trusting, if you want to put your guard up, well, then you'll be the egg.

Kevin Lowe: But what about if you instead are a carrot? That's your second option in this metaphor.

Kevin Lowe: What happens to a carrot when a carrot is put in boiling water?

Kevin Lowe: Well, of course, the carrot softens.

Kevin Lowe: Eventually, boil that carrot long enough, it's going to soften.

Kevin Lowe: It's going to become weak. It's going to turn to mush.

Kevin Lowe: But what about the third choice. That, of course, is the choice to be a coffee bean.

Kevin Lowe: What's powerful about the coffee bean is the coffee bean, it doesn't change, but rather it changes the water that it's in.

Kevin Lowe: The coffee bean takes boiling water and turns it into your morning cup of coffee.

Kevin Lowe: It turns it into an aroma, an experience, a magical liquid called coffee.

Kevin Lowe: Basically, the coffee bean doesn't just survive the boiling water, it transforms the boiling water, it changes its environment, it changes its situation.

Kevin Lowe: And this is the choice that you and me are making every single day, whether we realize it or not.

Kevin Lowe: Because when you get hit, when the blows start coming, are you hardening, softening, weakening, or are you changing the environment? Are you changing the game?

Kevin Lowe: Because, my friend, hardening, it's not the way to go.

Kevin Lowe: Softening, it's not the way to go either. But to be transformed, to transform yourself, to transform your situation, your environment, my friend, that is what it's about.

Kevin Lowe: If we could all start living life where we realize that we hold the power, that, yes, there's things that are going to happen.

Kevin Lowe: The blows are going to come. Our back is going to be against the wall in more situations than one. But in that, we have a choice to make, to be the change agent, to be the coffee bean.

Kevin Lowe: It's what Damon West has built his life upon, his business upon, his mission behind.

Kevin Lowe: It is what got him out of a maximum security prison because he became the coffee bean in prison.

Kevin Lowe: In the worst place possible, he made a difference. He left an impact.

Kevin Lowe: That impact was radiant. He changed the water.

Kevin Lowe: He went from boiling water to a boiling pot of coffee, all because he decided to be the change agent.

Kevin Lowe: And my friend, what I want you to understand in today's short episode, that you can be the change agent in your own life, in your own family, at work, in your community.

Kevin Lowe: It all starts with just you.

Kevin Lowe: A single coffee bean thrown into a pot of boiling water can begin to change it all.

Kevin Lowe: So before I end, I want to be sure that you understand the metaphor.

Kevin Lowe: I want to be sure that it's real and that you fully understand and grasp what I'm saying.

Kevin Lowe: Say, for instance, you lost the job that you loved, the job that you thought you were going to retire from.

Kevin Lowe: Are you getting hard and bitter like the egg? Are you melting down like the carrots?

Kevin Lowe: Or are you instead using this opportunity to start the business that you've always dreamed about, but never had time?

Kevin Lowe: In essence, are you being the coffee bean? What about the situation where somebody, they broke your heart, they betrayed your trust, you feel broken?

Kevin Lowe: Are you choosing to build up walls, to harden your heart, to become the egg?

Kevin Lowe: Or are you choosing to grow stronger, to learn from that relationship, to understand what you deserve and who you want to be in your life, ultimately changing the water around you?

Kevin Lowe: Or what about a third scenario?

Kevin Lowe: What about the silent battles that you're going through? The battles that no one else sees.

Kevin Lowe: Talking about anxiety, depression. Are you letting it drown you?

Kevin Lowe: Are you letting yourself be convinced that there's no way out?

Kevin Lowe: Are you letting yourself stop dreaming, stop believing?

Kevin Lowe: Or are you instead digging deep and doing the work and reaching out for help to change the situation, to change the water?

Kevin Lowe: Because my friend, if you're in the pot of boiling water, you don't have to stay there. You have the choice to change it.

Kevin Lowe: You are the change agent. Whether you believe that or not, you are.

Kevin Lowe: As long as you decide it, you make it your mission to be the coffee bean.

Kevin Lowe: Just like Damon West, a guy who was at the lowest of lows, face-to-face with 65 years in prison, in maximum security prison in Texas.

Kevin Lowe: His life, you could say, was over, and yet he became the change agent.

Kevin Lowe: He went into that prison as a coffee bean, and he changed the prison.

Kevin Lowe: And ultimately, well, if you heard his story, he was released on parole after only seven years, something that never happened to anyone.

Kevin Lowe: He didn't think it would happen to him, and yet it did.

Kevin Lowe: And my friend, I believe it can happen for you. So if you have something that's holding you back, if you feel like your back's against the wall, my friend, just take inspiration from the man himself, Damon West, and become the coffee bean. Change the situation.

Kevin Lowe: Change your environment. It all starts with you.

Kevin Lowe: And, my friend, I'll end with one last thing.

Kevin Lowe: If you ever feel like you could just use an extra boost to help get you through the week, well, be sure that you sign up for my weekly newsletter called Where Grit Meets Grace.

Kevin Lowe: It's published every Monday morning, right in time for you to wake up and have that immediate dose of inspiration.

Kevin Lowe: Somebody who has got your back right away, encouraging you that you can get through the day.

Kevin Lowe: All starting with my weekly newsletter called Where Grit Meets Grace.

Kevin Lowe: To sign up, click the link at the top of today's show notes or simply head on over to the website wheregritmeetsgrace.com and get signed up for that weekly newsletter and you can start receiving it as soon as monday morning so with that my friend i'm your host, Kevin Lowe and this of course was episode 391 of grit grace and inspiration!