Post-Traumatic Growth: 3 Ways We Respond to Life's Hardest Moments, and the 1 That Leads to Growth

It's like you're trapped under the pounding waves.

You just want to break.

My friend, when your back is against the wall, what do you do?

Who do you become?

As you're going to see in today's episode, I believe it comes down to three choices, three opportunities that you have to decide which one you're going to choose.

And dependent upon which one you choose, well, everything depends on it.

Today, tomorrow, your future, your legacy all depend on one choice.

Who are you going to be when your back is against the wall?

My friend, I welcome you to episode 391 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, a guy on a mission to use my own life's experience combined with, well, just living life, interviewing people from around the world to be a help to you.

That is my hope.

That is my mission, is to make your day a little bit better than it could have been before you hit play.

So, again, that is what today is all about.

That's what I'm all about.

And listen, I'm just excited that you're here with me on this wild ride.

So, with that, my friend, I welcome you.

Let's go ahead and get started with today's episode.

SPEAKER_01: I got grid, racing inspiration on my mind.

I'm stepping up perfectly designed I got grit, racing inspiration on my mind.

SPEAKER_00: If you caught my recent conversation had with Damon West inside of episode 390, then you know, my friend, that that was one of the most powerful interviews that I have ever published here on the podcast.

Damon, awesome guy.

His story, one made for the movies, no doubt.

But there was one part of his story that really captivated me, that led me to want to record today's episode.

And that was this idea of when your back's against the wall.

Damon, he shared the story of when it was all coming to an end.

Here he was.

He had been living the high life.

He had been head of a major crime ring, but it was all coming down and he knew it.

He was sitting in a house, a drug house, and he knew it was all about to end.

When sure enough, it did.

The SWAT team broke in.

They arrested him.

They got the guy on the most wanted list.

Ultimately, if you heard his story, which my friend, my gosh, if you did not hear his story, please hit pause, go back, listen to episode 390, and then come back to today's episode.

Because his interview, whoo, incredible.

But what happened next is the unthinkable.

He would ultimately be sentenced to 65 years in prison.

Talk about a moment when your back is against the wall, when you have nothing else, nothing left to fight for.

But he was told of something the story of the coffee bean by another prisoner, a story that changed his life from that day forward.

Now, as I continue, what I want you to understand is that we're using Damon's story as our reference point.

It's our point of inspiration.

But for you, it looks different.

Hopefully, you've not just been arrested.

Hopefully, you're not about to be arrested.

Hopefully, it's nothing like Damon's story.

But that doesn't mean that what you're going through is any less impactful.

Because the fact is, my friend, that heartbreak can do it.

Losing your job can do it.

A diagnosis can do it.

All of these can be a life sentence in of themselves.

So the question is is that whenever this moment happens, when your back's against the wall, when the water is boiling, what do you become?

And here's the metaphor that changed Damon's story.

And I believe it can change your story as well.

In a pot of boiling water, in the situation you're in, you just got the diagnosis.

You just got let go from your job.

Or maybe it was something like you just got in a fight with your spouse.

You guys are angry at each other.

You said things that you regret.

You did things that you wish you hadn't.

It's the boiling water moment.

Your back's against the wall, and you have three choices.

Your first choice is to be an egg.

What happens to an egg when you put an egg in boiling water?

Well, it hardens.

Your heart can get hard.

You can get tough.

You can put on that hard exterior surface to protect yourself.

Let your heart get hard.

Let every emotion go out, and you just become a hardened soul.

So if you want to shield your heart, if you want to stop trusting, if you want to put your guard up, well, then you'll be the egg.

But what about if you instead are a carrot?

That's your second option in this metaphor.

What happens to a carrot when a carrot is put in boiling water?

Well, of course, the carrot softens.

Eventually, boil that carrot long enough, it's gonna soften.

It's gonna become weak.

It's gonna turn to mush.

But what about the third choice?

That, of course, is the choice to be a coffee bean.

What's powerful about the coffee bean is the coffee bean, it doesn't change, but rather it changes the water that it's in.

The coffee bean takes boiling water and turns it into your morning cup of coffee.

It turns it into an aroma, an experience, a magical liquid called coffee.

Basically, the coffee bean doesn't just survive the boiling water, it transforms the boiling water.

It changes its environment, it changes its situation.

And this is the choice that you and me are making every single day, whether we realize it or not.

Because when you get hit, when the blows start coming, are you hardening, softening, weakening, or are you changing the environment?

Are you changing the game?

Because my friend, hardening, it's not the way to go.

Softening, it's not the way to go either.

But to be transformed, to transform yourself, to transform your situation, your environment, my friend, that is what it's about.

If we could all start living life where we realize that we hold the power, that yes, there's things that are going to happen, the blows are gonna come.

Our back is gonna be against the wall in more situations than one.

But in that, we have a choice to make to be the change agent, to be the coffee bean.

It's what Damon West has built his life upon, his business upon, his mission behind.

It is what got him out of a maximum security prison because he became the coffee bean in prison, in the worst place possible.

He made a difference.

He left an impact.

That impact was radiant.

He changed the water.

He went from boiling water to a boiling pot of coffee, all because he decided to be the change agent.

And my friend, what I want you to understand in today's short episode, that you can be the change agent in your own life, in your own family, at work, in your community.

It all starts with just you.

A single coffee bean thrown into a pot of boiling water can begin to change it all.

So before I end, I want to be sure that you understand the metaphor.

I want to be sure that it's real and that you fully understand and grasp what I'm saying.

Say, for instance, you lost the job that you loved, the job that you thought you were gonna retire from.

Are you getting hard and bitter like the egg?

Are you melting down like the carrot?

Or are you instead using this opportunity to start the business that you've always dreamed about, but never had time?

In essence, are you being the coffee bean?

What about the situation where somebody they broke your heart?

They betrayed your trust.

You feel broken.

Are you choosing to build up walls, to harden your heart, to become the egg?

Or are you choosing to grow stronger, to learn from that relationship, to understand what you deserve and who you want to be in your life, ultimately changing the water around you?

Or what about a third scenario?

What about the silent battles that you're going through?

The battles that no one else sees, talking about anxiety, depression.

Are you letting it drown you?

Are you letting yourself be convinced that there's no way out?

Are you letting yourself stop dreaming, stop believing?

Or are you instead digging deep and doing the work and reaching out for help to change the situation, to change the water?

Because my friend, if you're in the pot of boiling water, you don't have to stay there.

You have the choice to change it.

You are the change agent.

Whether you believe that or not, you are.

As long as you decide it, you make it your mission to be the coffee bean.

Just like Damon West, a guy who was at the lowest of lows, face to face with 65 years in prison, in maximum security prison in Texas, his life, you could say, was over.

And yet he became the change agent.

He went into that prison as a coffee bean and he changed the prison.

And ultimately, well, if you heard his story, he was released on parole after only seven years.

Something that never happened to anyone.

He didn't think it would happen to him, and yet it did.

And my friend, I believe it can happen for you.

So if you have something that's holding you back, if you feel like your back's against the wall, my friend, just take inspiration from the man himself, Damon West, and become the coffee bean.

Change the situation, change your environment.

It all starts with you.

And my friend, I'll end with one last thing.

If you ever feel like you could just use an extra boost to help get you through the week, well, be sure that you sign up for my weekly newsletter called Where Grit Meets Grace.

It's published every Monday morning, right in time for you to wake up and have that immediate dose of inspiration.

Somebody who has got your back right away, encouraging you that you can get through the day.

All starting with my weekly newsletter called Where Grit Meets Grace.

To sign up, click the link at the top of today's show notes, or simply head on over to the website where gritmeetsgrace.com and get signed up for that weekly newsletter, and you can start receiving it as soon as Monday morning.

So with that, my friend, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, and this, of course, was episode 391 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.