#338: How to Handle Traumatic Anniversaries: Discover 5 Strategies for Navigating these Emotional Days

So if you are somebody with a tough anniversary in your life, well, then consider today's episode made specifically for you.

Welcome to episode 338.

Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days, they're just doors to better days.

And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

Your host, Kevin Lowe, he's been flipping the script on his own life, turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight up inspiration, motivation and encouragement just for you.

So kick back, relax and let me introduce you to your host, Kevin Lowe.

The reason I chose to talk about today's topic right now is, well, because I'm recording today's podcast just a few days after my own tough anniversary.

That was October 28th and October 28th, 2003.

If you know my story, well, you know that that day is when my life was changed forever because, well, I had my life saved by the removal of a brain tumor.

But it also came with the tragedy of me losing my eyesight because, well, I woke from that same surgery to be left completely blind.

So when this date comes around each and every year, it weighs heavy on you.

It's almost like this blanket just falls on top of you.

And it's a blanket full of emotions. You just can't help but think back to all the memories, the good times and the bad.

And to be honest, you can't help but think about what would have life been if that day had not happened.

I'm sure you have days like this yourself.

Maybe it's the day that you lost someone you loved. Maybe it's the day of a divorce.

Maybe it's the day of a tragic accident when your life was changed.

And if you're like me, these dates, they almost have a way of kind of sneaking up on you.

I mean, you see it coming. It's like it's bright red there on the calendar.

And yet you continue through life. And then all of a sudden, if you're like me, you all of a sudden notice that you feel a little bit sad.

Maybe you're a little bit more anxious. And well, sure enough, it's the time of year again.

I know it's the case for me and for some of my family members.

When this day comes around each and every year, it's like I said, it's like that fog rolls in, that blanket covers us, smothers us, full of nothing but emotions.

And as I said, what's interesting about my anniversary in particular is it's a conflict.

It's a celebration of my life being saved, but it's also mourning the loss of my eyesight.

And if you have something similar, I want you to realize that it's okay.

It's okay to celebrate and mourn all at the same time. I've been doing it for 21 years.

And I can tell you that with time, it does get easier. But that does not mean that the sadness completely goes away.

When I was preparing for today's episode, I was doing just a little bit of Google research and was trying to figure out why is it that these dates hit us so hard?

Why is it that October 28th?

Is so impactful. Because, I mean, let's face it, it's been 21 years.

I'm more than used to this new world, being completely blind.

Having the medical issues that I do. I've been dealing with it long enough.

Matter of fact, it's been like this longer than it had been before becoming blind. I was only 17, and now it's been 21 years in this new life.

And yet, somehow, someway, my emotions sure do know when it's October 28th.

And so when I was researching, I found a simple explanation.

It's that our brains are wired to recognize patterns, and that includes dates.

And so when something significant happens, it's like our brain puts a bookmark on that date.

It associates that tragic event with that date on the calendar.

Me, it was going into brain surgery on October 28th.

And so therefore, no matter how many years go by, every time October 28th comes back, Like my brain, my mind, my memory, it reminds me, oh, hey, we can put a bookmark on this date because something big happened.

Now, as I said, time honestly does help to heal.

It's not the thing that's going to heal it completely, but it does make it easier.

21 years later, and I was able to get through this anniversary pretty good.

It was two days, the day before and the day of, that just had this overwhelming, looming sadness.

But I only broke down twice, once each day, when I was finally able to let myself just let my emotions go.

And I was able to let myself cry, something that I do not enjoy doing.

And so when I start crying, trust me when I say I want to stop crying as fast as possible.

Because I am definitely somebody who would rather be laughing and smiling, joking around than I would wanting to be sad and crying. It is the worst to me.

But with that said, I think it's important for us all to understand that we need to allow ourselves to feel the feels, to embrace it, to understand it, to recognize the fact that this day is here, but this day is not going to last forever.

Tomorrow will be a better day. And I can tell you, when I woke up on the morning of October 29th, it was literally like the fog had lifted.

A blanket had been taken off of me.

And I felt back normal. I felt like Kevin again.

I want to share five different strategies to give you a hand in preparing for one of these dates.

These are five strategies that I use in my life that honestly I use each and every year.

The first one, well, it's kind of what I was just saying, is to acknowledge the date.

Don't try to forget about it or push it away. Your mind's going to remind you.

Trust me. And with that, like I said, let yourself feel the feels.

Give yourself a break. Let yourself understand that it's going to be rough that day.

Heck, probably that entire week is going to be rough. And it's okay because it's not forever.

Remind yourself of that, is that you're not stuck here forever.

It's going to be over soon enough. I promise you, you'll get through it.

I promise. My second tip for you is to plan ahead.

If you recognize the fact that this date is coming up on the calendar, I want you to go ahead and get prepared for it.

Go ahead and make a plan for something that you know brings you joy.

Now, if you're like me, sometimes I think that this is going to be a really great celebration.

Again, if it wasn't for the surgery, if it wasn't for October 28, 2003, I wouldn't be here today.

And so I always think it's going to be some grand occasion.

And then, of course, the day arrives and I don't want to do anything.

I just want to be at home. I just want to be with my family.

And so I want you to plan for it, but take your emotions into account.

Maybe set up a time that you know you're going to have your best friend come over.

Maybe you plan on renting a movie that you've been wanting to see.

You watch a movie that day. Or heck, maybe you do nothing but watch movies all day, curled up on the sofa, and just letting this day be as it is.

Now, my third tip is you can take it or leave it, but it's to kind of create a ritual around this anniversary.

For myself, well, it revolves around the restaurant Outback Steakhouse.

If you heard my story, well, the night before my surgery, while in the hospital, I got takeout from Outback Steakhouse.

My sister and aunt went and picked it up for everybody. And there I was in my hospital room In my little hospital bed Eating my Outback steak And cool enough Is that we have made it a tradition That every anniversary We go to Outback Now, kind of tying in What I said before, is that this year I had planned to go to Outback, me and my family.

And then, though, of course, the day came and I didn't really feel like going anywhere.

And so, you know what we did? We didn't skip Outback. No, we just ordered takeout.

And as we were sitting at home eating our takeout from Outback, I couldn't help but think, well, you know what?

This is actually more authentic. This is more like the real day because October 28, 2003, I didn't go to Outback. No, we got takeout.

And so I say that to say is to make a ritual, but realize that you can adapt it to how you're feeling that day on this year.

One of the most important tips is tip number four, and that is to please don't be alone.

Reach out to your support network, to your closest friends, to your family.

Let them know that this day is coming up and let them know that you don't want to be alone.

I made sure this anniversary, I made plans with my cousin, Chrissy, who happened to be in town. It worked out perfect.

And so I got to spend the afternoon with my cousin and my sister.

It was great. Honestly, for about four hours, I never even thought about being sad.

I never even thought about the anniversary.

Instead, I was just focused on being with my sister and my cousin.

And honestly, it made everything so much better.

And so I would encourage you to be sure that you don't do these days alone.

Please find somebody, a family member, a friend, somebody who you can lean on, who you can count on to maybe make you smile or to be there to just hug you when you're feeling down.

Now, tip number five, again, take it or leave it, but for me, it's important. It's to see if you can't find meaning in this anniversary.

Now, obviously, it depends on what this anniversary is.

But for myself, me becoming blind, well, I have found meaning in it.

I have found purpose in it. It's why I produce this twice-a-week podcast every Tuesday and Thursday morning, releasing a new episode.

It's part of my purpose. It's part of me using what I've gone through to hopefully be an inspiration to others, to you.

And so October 28th, it has meaning.

It's the end of a life as I knew it, but it's the beginning of a new life.

A life that, yeah, it's different.

Sometimes I wish it wasn't so, but it is, and it's okay.

Because I focused on making it the best that I can. And so I encourage you, if possible, to find meaning in this anniversary.

Maybe that means that on the anniversary, you be sure that you do something for others.

You be sure that you go to the drive-thru and you pay for the car behind you.

You be sure to be at a restaurant and you see the table next to you.

Go ahead and pick up their bill.

Or maybe it's nothing financially. Maybe it's you just doing something kind for somebody else, grabbing the garbage can for your neighbor, pulling it up to their door.

Maybe it's you holding the door open a little bit longer than you normally would for the crowd behind you.

Find meaning, find purpose. Because if we're able to flip the script on this bad day by turning it into a day of giving, well, I think, honestly, that's what it should be.

We should find ways to make the bad turn to good. I leave you with one final message in regards to this, something important that I've learned.

I want you to understand that these anniversaries, they change year to year.

Yes, as time goes by, they typically become easier. But understand that sometimes that's not the case.

Sometimes year 10 may be more difficult than year 9.

It's just the fact of life. We change as we go along, just like the years do.

And so give yourself a break. Give yourself some grace.

Go ahead and plan for these difficult anniversaries and hopefully try to make them a little bit easier to get through.

And remember, it's just one day. It's one week.

You'll soon be past it and you can get back to living life like you love.

My friend, my name is Kevin Lowe.

If I can ever be a help to you, maybe it's just somebody to talk to inside of the show notes or on my website, gritgraceinspiration.com.

You can find my contact information, book a virtual coffee date with me.

A link is in the show notes. I'm here for you. I would love to be able to help you out however I can.

And with that, I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. I know I've enjoyed getting to share what I've learned with you.

Music.