Surviving Life's Storms: Bobbi Kahler's Unyielding Rise from Adrenal Fatigue to a Lighthouse of Positivity

What's going on, my friend, and welcome back to the podcast.

What is going on with you today?

Having a good day, great day.

Woo, maybe I hope so.

But if not, you know that's why you come here, because we make that day a little bit better, giving you those motivating stories, those stories of people overcoming the odds.

Those people kind of like Bobby Kaler.

Bobby Kaler is absolutely out of the park, phenomenal.

And well, she's on the podcast today.

When you look at Bobby Kayler's bio, when you look at her life today, you will think to yourself, well, of course she's got it all.

It must be easy for her.

Here she is, this big time coach, podcaster, been in all the big publications.

Everybody knows her name.

Everybody loves her game.

Everybody loves what Bobby Kaler brings to the table.

Well, my friend, let me fill you in on things.

Because the people who are in a position like Bobby Kaler, they're only great because they've been through the dirt themselves.

They've had to dig deep.

They've had to go through hell.

Yes, I said hell to get to where they are today.

For Bobby Kaylor, it was a collapse on March 6th that would set her life in motion.

Well, I use the term emotion, but actually that was the complete opposite.

Months and months of doctors, and no one could tell her what was wrong.

They called it an emerging illness and didn't give her much hope.

They actually told her that 97% of people do not recover.

But this is what's amazing.

This is what makes Bobby Kaler who she is.

Because when most of us hear 97%, we think, wow, that's pretty much certain that what she's dealing with, this condition where she doesn't have the energy to hold her head up, where she can't get out of bed, where a woman who was an athlete now can't even leave her home.

We look at that and say, Oh my gosh, the odds are stacked against her.

This is her future.

But not for Bobby.

Because Bobby Taylor, she didn't hear the 97%, she heard the three percent, she heard that three percent of people figured out how to get better.

And so she was on a mission to become that three percent.

Now, from that point forward, the road wasn't easy, the road wasn't fast, it was a long, slow journey.

Only somebody with the kind of grit that Bobby Kaler has could endure it.

And yet she did it, and she came out the other side to be the person that she is today, to be the person who is a lighthouse of positivity, who was radiating so much positive energy that it makes me wonder, whoo man, am I really that positive?

Because Bobby Kaler, whoo, baby, I think she might have me be.

That's what I'm talking about.

This woman is out of control, and I love it, and I hope you are gonna love it.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let's change that.

I don't hope.

I know you're going to love it because she is getting ready to pick you up, push you forward by sharing her story inside of today's episode.

Now, one bit of little news for you before we get to my conversation with Bobby Kaler.

If you've been a fan of the podcast, if you consider yourself a super fan of a little grit grace and inspiration, love it, can't wait for a new episode to come out, want a little bit more of it, well, baby, it's time for you to join the neighborhood.

I have set up a group specific for the podcast.

It's called the Grit Grace and Inspiration Neighborhood.

And it's a private Facebook group where we can get together and do life together, lean on each other, support each other, build each other up.

And well, I'm excited that it has launched, and I'm excited to invite you to join.

So if you're into that kind of thing, want to join a group, I promise it's not gonna be lame, it's not gonna be boring, you're not gonna get spammed with all kind of stupidness.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is my group.

It's a group I've set up.

I'm the one running the show, and I want you to be there with me.

So you can make it easy on yourself and go to the web address let'shangout.live.

That is let'shangout.live.

And I have that directed right at the brand new Facebook group called the Great Great Administrative Neighborhood.

So with that, join the group, have some fun, and get ready to be motivated like you've never been motivated before.

Because this is my interview with Bobby K.

Bobby, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_01: Hey Kevin, I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, I'm thrilled to have you here.

I'm excited to get to explore so many kind of different aspects of your journey.

But one place that I would love to start off with is I saw where you have been called the lighthouse of positivity.

And I would love to know where did that come from?

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

So where that was actually, oh my goodness, this is going way back.

I used to do leadership programs for high school students.

They were weekend-long retreats.

And actually, it was my very first one.

There was someone there, and he was just a great kid and just really connected.

I think he was going through some problems in his own life at the time, as teenagers do.

And then I went back and I spoke at some other events that they had.

And he's like, you know what you are?

You're the lighthouse of positivity.

And I'm like, oh my God, that's like the best compliment ever.

And then I've had other people say very similar things.

Like they've used that, you know, positivity and lighthouse in the same sentence.

And I'm like, well, that's kind of cool.

I'm gonna go with it then.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

Oh my goodness.

I love that.

That is so awesome.

SPEAKER_01: I was like, that's, and I told them, I'm like, Trey, that's the best compliment like ever.

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: Right there.

Yes.

Oh my goodness.

So, so talk to me then about that kind of story, this radiating positivity, like a lighthouse shining light.

Where does that come from?

What is what is that all about?

SPEAKER_01: That's a really good question.

I think it probably started because of the experience I had as a kid.

You know, when I was five or six years old, I was diagnosed with what the speech pathologist called catastrophic speech problems.

And he told my mom, he's like, she's never going to speak correctly.

This will always be a problem.

And he even said it'd be a lifelong disability.

And my mom just, I think she was, she didn't bury her head in the sand, but I think that she was a very optimistic person.

And in fact, when he said that, you know, to us, she's like, well, we're and she she gave me a big hug and she's like, Well, we're not going to listen to him because you never let someone else tell you what you can or cannot do.

And it's not like, Kevin, it's not like she just said, Hey, you know, I believe in you, go get him.

I mean, she worked with me every single day.

And it took years, years to get over those speech problems.

But I think that that kind of lit a spark in me or something, because I think that it goes to show that what you can do when you have that person in your corner who holds that positive intent for you, you know, that that positive belief about what you can ultimately do.

And I really think, and I had other experiences like, you know, I've had other people who who really showed up for me in powerful ways.

And I think that's probably where it came from from experiences like that.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I love that.

Amazing what an impact that one person can do in our life.

You know, what this case was your mom, you know, other cases that may be a friend, or something, but somebody else who believes in you more than you even believe in yourself.

SPEAKER_01: It's incredibly powerful.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: You know, and and it's also interesting too, because like, on one hand, it's like, well, your mom, you kind of expect your mom to be in your corner.

But like, I had, I'll never forget this.

So, because of having the speech problems, I hated speaking in public, including like anytime we had to give a report in class, oh God, I hated that.

I hated having to do anything like that.

And so when I was in the eighth grade, it occurred to me, it's like, you know, you kind of need to get over this fear.

Like you have to be able to stand up in front of people and at least say your name and, you know, say something.

And so I thought, well, I'm gonna take a speaking class, like a speech class in high school.

And my my teacher's name is Mr.

Jordan, and he he happened to also be the speech and debate coach for the school.

And and that was kind of intimidating because we had a really good speech and debate team.

Like we had people that went to nationals.

And so it was the day of my first speech, and I'll never forget this.

It was, and I'm not being hard on myself, Kevin.

It was a train wreck.

Like it was not good.

And I I know that it was not good.

And when the the bell, you know, rang to dismiss class, Mr.

Jordan said, Hey, Bobby, you know, can you can you stick around for a couple minutes?

And I thought, oh my God, I've done so bad.

He's gonna tell me not to come back.

But instead, he's like, I was, I just wanted to ask you, have you ever thought about joining the speech and debate team?

And I just looked at him and I said, You were in the room for that speech, weren't you?

I said, because it was bad.

And he just kind of got this little grin and he's like, Yeah, he goes, it wasn't very good, but he said, You've got potential.

And he said, with your potential and your work ethic and my coaching, you can become really good at this.

He said, You could become really, really good at this and compete and win.

And so, you know, eventually I joined the team and I actually did win tournaments and I fell in love with speaking.

But I think what was really powerful about that was again, like you just said, having someone believe in you, but also someone who has expertise in an area, say that I believe in you.

You know, he didn't have to be in my corner.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that is just so awesome.

Again, again, the impact that people can have on others is just incredible.

SPEAKER_01: Positive or negative.

And I just I've coached a lot of people, I've facilitated a lot of programs in my life.

And my belief is that we have more potential than we give ourselves credit for.

Yep.

And if I can kind of hold that positive space for people, I mean, I've seen people go from like the worst salesperson in their region to the best salesperson in their region, but it stems from you have to believe that it's possible.

If you don't believe it's possible, nothing else will come from it, right?

Because without that belief, we we don't put in the work, it just doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

So I don't know the exact timeline of events in your life.

And in, and I guess, I guess, I guess in in in perspective, it really doesn't matter, I guess.

But I know that you've ended up kind of living this life, especially with career paths, it's a of kind of serving others, helping others through hard times.

But you have not been exempt from your own difficult times.

And so, and I know there were some issues, some medical issues that left a big impact on your life.

And I would love for you to kind of dive into that a little bit for me, unpacking what was going on in life at the time when things kind of went downhill.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, and you're right.

I haven't been exempt from it.

Nobody is, though, I don't think.

So, with the health issues, kind to kind of set the stage.

In 2000, I left the job I had.

I was doing training and development for a mid to large size law firm in Chicago and started my own business because I love the training and I wanted to write more.

And then in 2001, he was then my boyfriend, now my husband, his name's Rick.

We were living in Chicago, and we were watching like our friends, both people in the relationship, they'd be working really hard, just making enough money to pay for what you needed to pay for, you know, pay the mortgage and everything.

And everyone was just living for the the for the weekend, right?

And living for their two weeks off.

And we said, hey, you know, we want more out of life.

We don't want to wait to retirement to have the life we love.

So we decided, let's move to Portland, Oregon.

I have no idea why, would never been there, but it was a change.

So, so we packed up our stuff.

We got to Portland, Oregon.

It was two weeks before September 11th in 2001.

And we thought, well, I'll just start my business again there.

And I don't recommend doing that that way.

We definitely made it harder on ourselves because we didn't know anybody, right?

And then so we moved there two weeks later, September 11th happens.

That's you know, just a shock to the whole country.

We're out there, we don't know a soul, so we're really alone, kind of a scary time.

And then the economy in Oregon really got bad.

So, not the greatest way to start a business, but we'd started it, we'd bought a house, so we were committed.

And uh, so I started networking, different organizations started asking me, hey, would you come and speak?

So I started doing that, and I got really busy.

And somewhere around, I'm gonna say, June of 2002, I started to notice that I was getting progressively more tired to the point where, like, because I'd always been a runner and I always lifted weights, I was very much into exercise, but I was too tired to work out.

I was too tired to go for a run, I was too tired to do my weights, I was too tired even to go for a walk.

And I didn't, I didn't heed those warning signs.

And then from there, it was, well, I'm too tired to cook dinner.

So we started eating, you know, food that probably wasn't as good for us.

And over the course of time, like when you when you look at it this way, it's really obvious, like you should have seen something was going on.

But by like October of 2002, I was so tired that it was hard for me to stand up long enough to take a shower.

So I always had to make sure I sit, I'd have to sit down.

Or like a classic example is when I'd be putting my makeup on or brushing my teeth in the bathroom, I would get so tired that I couldn't stand up long enough to do that.

So I brought like a kitchen stool up, you know, and I put it in front of the vanity.

And I was so proud of myself because I thought this was so clever.

I would be sitting there and I would lean forward onto the vanity.

So all my weight supported on my forearms, like on my elbows, and then I put the toothpaste on my toothbrush, and then all I had to do was lift my forearm.

And that was my way of being able to brush my teeth because I was too tired to like stand and brush my teeth or sit up straight and brush my teeth.

So on March 6th of 2003, I woke up to go to my networking meeting and I was tired.

And but I got into a sitting position, my feet hit the floor, and I walked to the end of the bed, and I had to sit down to rest because I was already that tired.

Which it what is it, what is that, like two, three steps?

And then so I walked into the master bathroom and I pulled the the little kitchen stool over to the vanity, and I was like, I was breathing hard because of the effort.

You know, in the master bathroom, it wasn't that far away, obviously.

And so I got the toothbrush, the toothpaste on the toothbrush, and I sat there and I was trying to raise my forearm so I could brush my teeth.

And I I could no longer raise my forearm.

And I mean, I just sat there, Kevin, like dumbfounded.

Like, I I can't, I can't move my forearm anymore.

And at that point, that's when I finally realized like you have a problem.

Like you're sick.

You're this isn't just fatigue, like you something's wrong.

But it it took that, I just didn't see it because it happened so gradually.

That was the hole I dug for myself.

SPEAKER_03: Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Now at that point, when you finally have this kind of more or less a breakthrough moment and realizing, wait a minute, there's more to this.

Something's wrong.

Yeah.

I mean, uh, what happened then?

I mean, I I assume finally he was like, okay, maybe I should go to a doctor.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

So we made an appointment, went to a doctor the next day, and he didn't really get too many answers.

So a couple more days passed, and then we actually knew a doctor out there.

Believe it or not, I'd met him through networking.

He made house calls.

And at the time I had asthma, and I woke, this was a Saturday morning, you know, when this happened.

And I told Rick, I'm like, I think we need to call another doctor because I have asthma.

I've had pneumonia before in my life, and I said, something's wrong.

Like my my my lungs do not feel clear to me.

So he came over and he's like, You definitely have pneumonia.

It was in my right lung and partially in my left lung, or it was, you know, whatever.

But so I thought, oh, okay, fine.

I've had pneumonia before.

Usually I have pneumonia and I rebound in like, I don't know, three or four days.

And I didn't rebound.

I mean, it was like a week later, I was still, I mean, and I'm talking, I was so tired, Kevin.

Not only could I not sit up, because I love to read, and I always wanted to read Gone with the Wind.

So I'm like, hey, I'm sick.

This is a perfect time.

I have plenty of time to read Gone with the Wind because it's a big book.

But I couldn't hold the book up.

Like when I was lying in bed, I didn't have the strength to hold the book up.

I had to like arrange the pillow so I could lay on my side and we propped the book up.

And so it really took like a few weeks to understand this is not, it's not just pneumonia.

It's, it's not, it's not something like that.

This is something beyond our experience.

The first thing that was happened was in April.

We found a doctor and he ran some tests, and he's like, well, I think you have heavy metal poisoning.

And there were some, I don't know, there's some conflicting reports on that, but we thought, well, it made sense, right?

So I went through, it's called chelation therapy, which is an IV thing, and it pulls the minerals and stuff out, and allegedly it pulls all the heavy metals out as well.

Except the day that I had that, which was April 15th, I started feeling really bad.

Like really, really bad.

And so they disconnected me from the IV.

The doctor had already left the office.

It's only Rick and two practical nurses there.

They not even a registered nurse.

And uh, so they disconnected the IV, and Rick was getting ready to take me home.

And I said, I'm really, really dizzy.

Like I'm really dizzy.

And I blacked out, I hit the floor.

I mean, I was out.

And I remember as this is kind of funny, my blood pressure.

I could, I could tell someone was taking my blood pressure at a point.

I mean, I was completely out for I don't know how long.

And and I could feel someone taking my blood pressure, and I have exceptional blood pressure.

I'm not bragging, but I have exceptional blood pressure.

Everyone who's ever taken my blood pressure is like, wow, your blood pressure is amazing.

It's like 110 over 60, like without, without fail.

And so she's taking my blood pressure, and I have this weird thought.

I'm I'm drenched in my own sweat.

I'm completely wet.

And I have this thought, oh, she's gonna comment on how great my blood pressure is.

So she takes my blood pressure.

How stupid, right?

So, so she takes my blood pressure, and then and then I hear, and I'm still like not really conscious.

I'm just kind of hearing this, and I hear her say, Oh my God, this can't be right.

And the other person said, Well, why not?

And she's like, her blood pressure is 50 over pelp, which, you know, and that's why I was drenched in sweat because my heart rate was around like 252.

Desperately, my, you know, my my my heart was trying to pump some blood through me.

And so I was completely drenched in sweat because of all that.

And so, you know, I I come out of it and I don't even know how, because it's not like it's not like there was a doctor there to treat me.

I just came out of it, and uh, that was a scary day.

And and then from there, we saw so many doctors, Kevin.

Like, I I I lost track, probably at least more than half a dozen before we found one in August of that year who.

Even had the slightest notion of what I might be facing.

So it was, and that was just, you know, that was just the beginning, but it was a long, long process.

SPEAKER_03: Wow.

And I mean, coming from my own perspective of me and family members having medical issues and stuff that people, doctors can't figure out, it's frustrating.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, very frustrating.

And it makes you question yourself.

SPEAKER_03: Yep.

SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you what I learned from it.

You have to be your own advocate.

SPEAKER_03: Yep.

SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?

No one's going to care about it as much as you do.

SPEAKER_03: Exactly.

I mean, that is that is 100% the truth.

So when did you finally find somebody who could help?

SPEAKER_01: Well, the doctor we found in that, so August, whichever it was that, like six months or whatever, he said, he was at a research hospital in Oregon, and he said, based on the research, he said, I think for people who have what you have, only about 3% of them experience a full recovery.

And at the time, he's like, and I don't think there's, it's not like you can have surgery, it's not like there's medicine to give you.

He said, I think what you have to do is you're gonna have to find more of an integrative doctor.

Because Western medicine on its own, at this point, there's nothing we can do.

So I'm like, okay, well, great.

But I thought, well, to me, when I heard 3% full, you know, that would experience full recovery, I thought, well, okay, so someone has the answer.

So what we need to do is we need to find either one of those people or we need to find a doctor who's treated this.

So from that point, that was in August of 2003.

It took us until November of 2004.

So what is that, like 12, 15 more months to find a doctor who said, and I'll I'll never forget this day, she's like, I've treated this, I know how to treat it, you can get well again.

And she said it will be a minimum of two years.

And she goes, that's a minimum.

And she goes, your hole is pretty deep, the one you've dug.

So it could it could take longer.

So that was November of 2004.

We moved back to Chicago in January of 2006, and I found another doctor eventually.

It was like November, December of that year, at which point I was still pretty sick.

Actually, when I saw him, he he did the test again.

And he's like, Well, these test results can't be right.

I'm like, why?

And he's like, Because if these test results were right, you'd be dead.

And so we did the tests again, and the results came back exactly the same.

And he said, I cannot explain why you're alive, but you are.

So now we know what we need to do.

And so I saw him the first time in, I think it was December or November of whatever that was, 2006, January.

We started on a course of treatment.

So that was 2007.

And by the end of 2007, my test results came back normal.

The problem is that's a long time to be spending primarily in bed.

So, like I all my stamina, my endurance, my strength, it was gone.

And then I had to rebuild all that, which was actually the more discouraging part of the journey, really and truly.

SPEAKER_03: Wow, wow, wow.

So before we continue though, I want to go back to one thing because I really thought it speaks highly of the kind of person you are, this this lighthouse of of positivity.

The doctor said three percent get better, 97% don't.

Most people would immediately think, oh my gosh, I'm I'm doomed.

What's what's the point in even trying?

But you didn't look at the 97%, you focused on the three percent.

SPEAKER_01: That's right.

That's right.

And it's funny you bring that up, Kevin, because I had a friend, this was several years ago.

We were talking and I was telling him about it, and he's like, How is it that when you heard 97% of the people wouldn't get well, how is it that that didn't discourage you?

And I remember just stopping and because his question confused me.

And I'm like, Paul, I never heard that.

I heard three percent would.

That's that's what I heard.

Yep.

Maybe I'm dense, could be, but uh you know, I'll take it.

It served me well in that case.

SPEAKER_03: Yes.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

So what did they end up?

What was the full kind of diagnosis through this doctor of what exactly was going on?

SPEAKER_01: So what what they've pieced together between the the different doctors, the two, is they believe in 2002 I had mono.

And because there's a couple of different blood titers that will will indicate if you've had mono.

And I I just thought I was tired.

I didn't realize that I was sick.

So I didn't, I just kept pushing through it.

And what happens is as at a point that I mean it affects a lot of different things.

Like I lost a third of my hair, which has now come back, thank God.

But it affects your adrenal glands.

So with your adrenal, and there's so much more known about this now than what there was, you know, 20 some years ago.

But with your adrenal glands, there are three levels, well, actually four.

You have healthy, and then you have adrenal fatigue, and a lot of people experience adrenal fatigue and they they they may or may not even know it.

And then you have adrenal exhaustion, which a lot of people don't get there because that's that's when like adrenal fatigue might be you studied late, you know, for a week during finals or a couple of weeks during finals, and so you know, you're a little bit, you're a little sluggish, that type of thing.

I mean, so adrenal exhaustion is a whole different thing.

And then you have adrenal collapse.

That's that's what I had.

And so I don't remember the exact numbers, but I think that normal is like between 500 and 800 or 300 and 500 to 500, something like that.

That's what your adrenal should be.

Mine in what was it, December of 2007, we're at 15.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01: And that's why the doctor's like, you can't be alive.

Like, no, no one can be alive with numbers like this.

And and so that's why he was so certain that the results, you know, something was wrong.

And and of course, they we we did the test the test again, and they came back exactly the same.

I mean, I was denied insurance for years because everyone who ever looked at my chart thought, okay, she shouldn't be alive, and there's no way that she can be well again.

Like, yeah, it was a big hole, but yeah, it was so it was adrenal collapse.

SPEAKER_03: Wow.

So what in the world kind of process did you work with with this doctor to get well?

SPEAKER_01: So a couple things to get to the point where I was no longer sick, yes, right?

That was a ton of rest.

And I mean, like, there were days I like I didn't get up out of bed.

I so extreme rest.

That was one.

Changing my diet a little bit so I would I was getting more protein in the morning.

That was huge.

And then I had to take a ton of supplements.

And like when I say a ton, there's um cake pans that are 13 by nine.

They're like the the sheet cake pans.

Yes.

I had my supplements filled that entire, like all the bottles filled that entire cake pan.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01: And most of those I had to take twice.

Yeah.

And I can't swallow them.

So Rick had to crush them up when we mixed them with grape juice.

We called them a vitamin cocktail.

Um, and many of those I it was terrible.

But it's like, hey, if this is gonna make me well, I will choke this down.

Yeah, so that's what I had to do for for the first few years.

And then also this part was actually good.

I got to get massages once a week because massage is really good.

It active, it stimulates your adrenals or some, I can't remember, it helps.

And then I also did acupuncture, which I hate needles.

Like I always thought there's no way I'll ever do acupuncture.

But when you find out that it helps, and it did help, at least it helped me.

I can't speak to anybody else's experience, it made a huge difference.

So so that was kind of like that was kind of like stage one.

And then at a point where my adrenals were strong enough, then then I was able to go out for like very short walks.

And the the thing was they said, you can't push too hard because if you push too hard, you're gonna be in bed.

Like you're you're gonna, you're gonna suffer a relapse.

And so the first walk I did was to the end of our driveway, which was like 20 to 30 feet long.

And it exhausted me.

I mean, I came back in, I was drenched in sweat, and I had to go back to bed.

It was, it was that hard.

And before getting sick, I was a runner.

I'd run three to eight miles every other day.

So walking to the end of a driveway should not have been that big of a deal.

But at a point, I'm like, well, I just have to focus on what I can do today.

And if I can go for that same walk tomorrow, that's a victory.

And if I feel strong enough, I'll take five more steps.

And and so that was that was kind of the that path.

SPEAKER_03: But a very slow, slow process.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, it was all together because it was 2007 before I got the clean bill of health, and you know, where I was back in normal normal range, and it took a good probably another five years to really fully get my my full strength to get back to being an athlete, you know, because the other thing that happened is because of spending so much time in bed and I lost so much of my muscle tone and that type of thing, like I had I, oh God, I developed horrible back problems.

I had to go through physical therapy because of that.

But it was just, okay, this is the next thing to work on.

I mean, it's just it's a slow process.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

How did you keep your your mood up?

Keep that positive drive.

Because I mean, it's it's one thing to go through hard times.

And I know personally our physical health has a direct correlation to our mental health.

And to be suffering like that for so long, you had to, I would imagine, go through some pretty dark times, did you?

SPEAKER_01: It's interesting because I think it affects me more now than it did then.

Because at the time, Kevin, I think it was just like you just have to keep taking an action that you believe in.

SPEAKER_03: Yes.

SPEAKER_01: And there were times when I'd like, like, I remember this one time.

This was, I don't know, four or five months into after the time when I when I was able to start, you know, going for walks again.

I'd finally made it up to, I don't know, four or five blocks, something like that.

There was a church right there that had these tall steps.

And so I sat down on the steps and uh so I could rest before making it back home.

And I remember I had this like dual emotion of on one hand, I'm like, I made it four blocks.

And like, and at the same time, I thought, God, I made it four blocks.

Like, that's it.

Yeah.

Like, this is not like, you know, when I and I remember thinking about it, like when I'd go for a run, when I did my eight mile runs, I could do that in under an hour.

And so I felt this like this momentary discouragement.

And then for whatever reason, though, I also had this flash.

And the flash was you cannot compare yourself to what you used to be able to do.

That it does not serve me at that point.

It does not serve me to compare myself because I'm just gonna feel bad because none of that mattered.

And I think that was one of the key things I had to do is really manage my mind.

I couldn't compare myself to what I used to be able to do.

I couldn't compare myself to other people who might be out there running.

It's just like that's just gonna make me discouraged.

And so I had to really stay relentlessly focused on my progress, not what I used to do, but my progress.

So I I think that was a really big piece of it.

Because, and I never doubted, like I just never doubted that I was gonna be an athlete again.

I mean, I remember the day when uh the one doctor said, the one that told me, you know, the 3%, because my first thing back to him when he when he told me that, again, I might be kind of dense, is he said, you know, so he he tells us this news.

I'm like, okay, but when can I go for a run again?

That was the first thing I said to him.

And he just kind of shook his head, like, you're not getting it.

And he said, Bobby, he said, I think you might have to accept that your days of being an athlete are over.

And I just remember thinking, no, I've always been an athlete.

I will, I will find a way back to being an athlete.

And I didn't know what I could do, but it didn't occur to me that I wouldn't find my way back to that.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.

I love it.

I love it.

When was the moment?

When was the day when you finally said to yourself, wow, I think I feel back to normal?

SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.

I'm so glad you asked this.

This was okay, so in 2013, on March 6th, you know, that was the 10-year anniversary of the collapse.

Okay.

I, but now by this point, we'd moved to Colorado and I'd taken up cross-country skiing.

I was very slow and I only did the the really flat trails, and I'd also taken up road cycling, and I was very slow.

My first bike ride, I did a mile, and I thought like my legs were shaking so bad and my lungs were burning.

But so, you know, so that was 2010 when I took those up.

In 2013, on the anniversary date, I came up with this wild hair idea: like, hey, to celebrate the anniversary, sometime this summer, I'm gonna ride my bike to the top of Vale Pass.

And this is not for the faint of heart, like Vale Pass is around 10,000 feet.

And it's you know, miles long.

So I started researching the course, you know, I knew there were three big switchbacks, and I knew, you know, it like at mile seven, that's when they kicked in, or whatever it was.

I don't remember it all now.

And so I started training for it.

On July 4th, I woke up and I said to Rick, I'm like, today's the day.

I'm ready.

Let's go.

And so, you know, and I kept thinking, I don't know how far I can go.

Like, I don't know if I'm gonna make it to the top, but what I do know, I'm gonna make it farther today than I would have 10 years ago.

In in biking, I don't know how familiar you are with road cycling, but in in cycling, when the hills get really steep, there's a mantra, and it's just keep the pedals moving, right?

Because that's all you can control.

You don't control how steep the pitch is, you don't control the fact that the air is really thin.

All you can control is keep the pedals moving.

So that was going to be my mantra for the day.

So we start up there and I make it through the through the first switch back, and I'm like, okay, because I was really nervous about those.

And uh, and I made it through the first one.

So I'm like, hey, if I can do the first one, why couldn't I do the second one?

And so I'm slowly making my way up there.

And then Rick's already made it to the top, so he comes all the way back down and he's encouraging me and he takes off again.

He's really fast.

And he's like, I'll be waiting for you at the top.

And so I make it, I make it to the third switch back and it's it's really steep.

And you're making this just a hairpin curve at the same time.

And there was a cyclist who was coming down, and and he saw that like I was really going slow.

So he stopped his bike and he's like, You are almost there.

He goes, just keep the pedals moving.

And so I make it through that switchback, and and I could see the top, and I'm like a hundred yards from it, maybe.

And I could feel like the emotion, like I was almost starting to cry, and then, but you can't really cry when you're at 10,000 feet and you're trying to ride a bike because you don't have enough oxygen for all that.

So I'm like, I'll cry when I get to the top.

You know, so I made it to the top, and and I that was the day when I thought, I'm an athlete again.

I can call myself an athlete again.

It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

SPEAKER_03: And you know what's so beautiful about that moment is the fact that it goes back to what we talked about earlier, of the impact that one person, in this case, a complete stranger, could have on that entire day to really impact your life.

Was that that one person took the time to not just pass you by, instead say, you know what, let me be in the encouragement she needs.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

That's a great point, Kevin.

Yeah, that's a really good point.

SPEAKER_03: I love it.

I love it.

Talk to me about what the philosophy that there's always a way forward.

What does that mean to you?

SPEAKER_01: That means to me, no matter how dark things may be, no matter what we're facing, there is always, always a way forward.

And you know, sometimes we may not like the way forward.

Sometimes it often it's not our first option, but that doesn't mean there's not a way forward.

And and I actually think one of the great gifts that I got for my mom, she passed in 2008.

But one thing that my mom lived is that there's always more than one way to do something.

I mean, most people see it like, oh, well, I could come up with maybe two options.

No, no, no.

My mom could come up with six or seven options for anything, and some of them are absolutely ridiculous.

There's no way you're ever gonna do them.

But the fact that you can come up with them, you know, and so that just I that is just a core belief that I've always had.

And I think, because so often when we when we hit adversity or a challenge or when our our first option maybe is taken away from us, it's easy to think I'm out of options.

And no, we just have to generate more possibilities and more options for ourselves.

And and that again comes back to kind of managing our mindset, but but that's where that comes from.

It's just a real deep belief I have.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

So, so at what point then in this whole journey do you find yourself really getting into the space of coaching and starting just doing all the incredible stuff that you're you you've done in your career?

Where did that all really get kicked into gear after this that we talked about?

Or was this going on before?

SPEAKER_01: It actually started before.

SPEAKER_03: Okay.

SPEAKER_01: I've always been in the no matter what job I ever had, I always loved the piece around helping other people develop.

And then in my in my business, you know, it started as writing and training and then speaking and then coaching was added in.

And actually it was before, well, let me think, grad school.

I went to grad school, I started in 2008.

So it was not long after I got my you know clean bill of health.

Although looking back, I'm like, it was it was kind of tough because I was I was still pretty weak.

But my my graduate degree is it's a long title, but it but it's based on the science of human flourishing.

And, you know, because for so long in psychology, we, you know, psychology studied disease and dysfunction.

And it was always intended that there'd be a third component, which was human flourishing.

Why do, why do some people flourish?

And let's study what they're doing, because that's a way that then we can help more people flourish and thrive.

And so I just, I loved that, you know, I loved that philosophy.

So I went to grad school and then, and then after I would say it was like in 2008 or so, that's when I started doing more coaching again, because I was well enough to do that.

And it's just, I just I love helping people develop and facilitation is something else that I've always loved.

That's probably my first love, even over coaching, because I love the interaction of, you know, of a group, because I think that's when you just, I don't know, it's just exciting because so many possibilities kind of bubble to the surface then.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

Well, well, talk to us for us who don't know what is the difference between when you talk about facilitation versus coaching.

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

So coaching is usually one-on-one, although sometimes I do group coaching and I love that too, because again, I kind of like the when you bring like, let's say, a small group of five or six people together and you're talking about problems, it's amazing the energy and the possibilities that come out of that.

So facilitation, though, is more like if you're teaching a class, like like a workshop or you're giving a presentation and you can have, I don't know, 20, 30 people in the room.

And so you're facilitating that.

So, you know, there's a little bit of lecture, not very much, where you're kind of presenting an idea and then you put it back in the hands of the audience and have them kind of like try it on for themselves and like how could it work for them?

And then and then you're kind of drawing this all out.

So there's there's a lot of similarities.

The biggest thing is the size of the group.

And coaching doesn't have the teaching component like like facilitation.

In facilitation, you are teaching a concept or teaching a skill and then letting letting the audience, you know, work with it, get their hands dirty with it.

Does that kind of help?

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh, 100%.

I love it.

I love it.

One thing that I am curious to know, which I mean, I I think I know the answer, but but I would love to ask is do you believe that having gone through what you did with this this crazy medical condition, do you believe it's made you a better coach, a better facilitator with what you do?

SPEAKER_01: I think absolutely.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: I think all of the experiences that we have in life do.

I think that it gave me a different perspective.

I think it made me more compassionate.

And I think anytime you go through something that you you're developing yourself.

And so that naturally has a spillover effect, you know, into that.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.

I love it.

I love it.

Wouldn't you?

You look back at what you've done so far, personal life, career-wise, what's the highlight?

If you had to pick one thing or even a couple of things, what's the top of the list of highlights for you?

SPEAKER_01: Man, a whole bunch of stuff comes to mind.

I think top of the list.

I I don't know how many things would be on the top of the list, right?

But something that comes to mind is the work that I used to do with the high school students.

Because, like, for example, one one of the one of the events I did, it was a retreat, a leadership retreat, and it was about service-based leadership.

And we had people in there from all walks of life, you know, from from privilege to inner city.

And it was so cool to reach these kids and and and be part of bringing them together.

And then from there, like they decided to work together because there was this one place that was in the inner city, I think it was in Indianapolis, where they wanted to bring a program like this into the inner city.

And at first they were told, no, you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it.

And they're like, We're going to do it.

And and they did.

And they launched this thing.

And it like they had a fabulous turnout.

They and it's gone on to change other people's lives.

And I just think, you know, to be even a little bit of a spark for that.

And a lot of them said, hey, it was it was when we did that program with you, that's when we decided this is what we wanted to do.

And so that like that just has a far-reaching effect.

And that's that's definitely one of them.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

Well, you've done so much in your career and with this, it's really just fascinating.

And really, I just listen to you, and I'm like, from a girl who was told that she had this minuscule chance of really making it in life.

To then listen to that, to then to see that you really had a life of completely flipping that script of not just living, but thriving, and while thriving, helping others to do the same.

And I think to myself, like, how just remarkable is that?

SPEAKER_01: Thank you for saying that.

And what you said there is like helping other people thrive and flourish.

I mean, that's Kevin, that's why I create the content that I do.

It's why I do the podcast, it's why I do these interviews.

And frankly, there's no medical explanation for that day when I passed out in that doctor's office.

There's no medical explanation for why I got up off the floor.

There's just not.

And what I've always believed is that if you want to call it God or a higher power of the universe, whatever that was, I I got a second chance so I could help people.

And and I have done my best to honor that second chance.

And that's why it's like, it's just why I do what I do.

It's when you're given a second chance, you you know, you you kind of want to be thankful for that and do something with it.

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Well, well, listen, Bobby, my last question for you is something that I that I read, and it's your mission.

And that is to help people lead their lives, not just live by default.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01: So, where I grew up, loved my mom dearly.

She was an amazing person.

She also had what doctors believe that she was kind of uh, they called it functioning schizophrenic.

So she had very, very good days and she had very, very bad days.

The good days were great, the bad days were really bad.

You know, there could be some violence and and just paranoia and things like that.

And so that affected my childhood very much, obviously.

And then when I was 23, uh, my parents were not going to pay for college.

And so I knew that, you know, as I was graduating from high school, I knew that that just wasn't gonna happen.

So I always wanted to go to college and I knew I'd have to pay for it for myself.

So when I was 23, I was still struggling.

I was working two jobs, I was barely keeping my head above water.

And it was on New Year's Eve, and I had this, I came home from working my two jobs to my little dark apartment.

And uh, I just remember sitting there on the couch and I was kind of asked the universe, like, why, like, how did my life turn out this way?

Like, you know, I'm on a path and it's not leading anywhere very good, but it's kind of similar to a lot of, you know, a lot of the things that I was seeing around me.

And uh, but the answer that came back was that, you know, your life is a reflection of the choices that you've made so far.

And at first I'm like, well, that sucks because like that that's not helping me.

Like, but then I thought, wait a minute, that's incredibly hopeful, right?

Because that means that if I can learn how to make better choices, I can get a better outcome.

And that kind of led me to this belief that just because we've been on a certain path, or just because other people in our family have been on a have been on a certain path, just because our life's going in one direction, that's our default future.

But that doesn't mean that we can't change it.

And a lot of people, they make that mistake.

They think, well, I've I've been going down this path.

This is what other people in my family do, or this is what I've always done.

Therefore, it's what I always have to do.

And it's not the same.

You can become a leader of your life and you can create it very intentionally.

Like you cannot recognize my life today from where I was as that 23-year-old kid who only had a high school education, who is working as a switchboard operator at a company by day and a hostess at a restaurant by night.

I mean, it's unrecognizable.

So that's what I mean by the default future.

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it does.

It does.

I love it.

And what I what I love about that is the power that we all have is to make a choice.

That's right.

And we can we can have a choice to stay the same, or the most powerful choice is to make a change.

That's right.

And I love that.

I love that.

Bobby, you are literally a lighthouse of positivity.

110%.

And I just I have loved so much getting to learn more about you, to learn more about your story.

And uh, I just want to sincerely thank you so much for being a guest here on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.

I absolutely love talking with you, Kevin.

So, like it's been my my honor to be here.

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03: Well, amazing.

Well, thank you.

And last thing for you, for people who want a little bit more of Bobby in their life, where is the best place for them to go?

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

So my website, which is just bobbykaler.com, and one of the things I have my on my website, it's well, it'll be out by the time this podcast episode airs.

Is when people sign up for my newsletter, it's called Find Your Forward, not surprisingly.

But when they sign up for my newsletter, I have a free, it's an e a five-day email course where I kind of share the fundamentals of finding your forward.

So that is that's a great way.

I'm also very active on LinkedIn.

I post there four times a week, and I'm starting to post on Medium as well three times a week.

So I'm I'm trying to just put a lot of good content out there to help people because I don't want what I've learned over the years to be reserved only for those people that I've coached.

I want it accessible for as many people as as I can reach.

So those are great ways to reach me.

SPEAKER_03: In essence, if the world doesn't know Bobby Killer yet, they're about to.

SPEAKER_00: Whether they're ready or not, Kevin.

It's a scary thought.

SPEAKER_03: Well, well, well, Bobby, uh sincerely, uh, thank you so much.

This has been amazing.

So thank you for being here today.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, fantastic.

And for you listening, I want to, you know, just extend my gratitude for you for joining me here on another episode of Great Grace and Inspiration.

As always, the point here is for you to hear something that hopefully will leave an impact on your life.

And that's really the whole point is that you hear something said by me or my guests and now put it into action in your life.

So, with that said, it's your turn to get out there and take on the day with grit, grace, and inspiration.

Hey, real quick before you go, I have one last thought to leave you with.

I of course hope that you've enjoyed today's episode, but more importantly, I want to remind you that I never want you to listen to an episode of this podcast to hear something that I have to say or that my guest has to share and think, wow, I wish I could be like them.

I wish I could overcome my own challenges and do the great things that they are doing, but I just can't.

Well, friend, that's where you're wrong.

unknown: You're wrong.

SPEAKER_03: You are capable.

You are able.

And you darn sure are deserving of having all that you can imagine in this life.

There's nothing special about me or any guests I have on this podcast.

We are all just normal people trying to make it in this life.

And so I encourage you to take a look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you know what?

I can do it too.

Now, of course, if you would like help along that way, reach out to me.

Whether that's as a listener of this podcast, a friend, or if you'd like to work with me as a coach.

My contact information is inside of every episode's show notes, just like this one.

So go down, check out my contact information, and reach out to me today.

With that said, I encourage you to take on the day every day with great grace and inspiration.