Rising Out of Type 1 Diabetes, A Crazy Eye Condition, and Childhood Trauma Soars Kristen Girard

If this sounds intriguing to you, well, be sure to check out today's show notes where you can find more information and an exclusive discount code offered only to the listeners of this podcast.

And with that, enjoy today's episode.

SPEAKER_04: 45 minutes away from the closest hospital.

My parents, they drove, you know, like crazy to get us there.

And we got to this little hospital.

And I'm so thankful for the hospital staff.

They operated on me for 12 hours before saying we can't help her.

And I ended up being airlifted to a second hospital where they operated for another 12 hours.

The story was.

Wow.

The injury was so bad, they had my mother picking out false eyes while I was on the operating table.

SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, and I'm excited to welcome you inside.

This is the kind of place where your glass will never be anything other than half full.

Because we choose to focus on the positive side of life.

Now this doesn't mean that we shy away from the real talk.

No, not a fan.

Matter of fact, we explore all aspects of life.

From the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But all of that is done with one purpose.

Inspire you to never give up on life.

Even when it may seem like life has given up on you.

Now I get it.

Life is hard.

Starting today, we've got grit, grace, and inspiration.

Well, hello, and welcome back to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

My name is Kevin Lowe, and today I have for you episode 125.

Today I am in the studio with an absolutely incredible woman.

Now, I have a lot of amazing people here on the podcast, and to say I have a favorite would be like asking a mother if she has a favorite child.

But I will say though, that there are some guests who I just connect with a little bit more than others.

Those kind of people who you realize right off the bat, hey, you know what?

That's somebody that I could see myself being friends with.

And yet you literally just said hello to them while standing in the line at the grocery store.

The person I'm talking about today, her name is Kristen Girard.

And to be honest, I feel as though I was given just a true gift to have the opportunity to simply meet Kristen, let alone then have us record a full conversation to then be aired here on the podcast today.

Kristen is a woman who has been through a lot.

Her life has been plagued with health issues, ranging from a crazy eye condition to something that a lot of people can relate with, and that being type 1 diabetes.

But what's beautiful about Kristen is Kristen's just spirit.

And, you know, I was trying to think of a way, how can I illustrate for you in one simple statement, in one just iconic symbol, the story of Kristen Girard.

And I can't help but thinking of her as a phoenix rising out of the flames, rising out of the ashes to emerge as this absolutely beautiful creature, this beautiful bird.

And that is truly the story of Kristen Girard.

Because inside of today's episode, you're going to hear Kristen share her story.

And it's not all smiles and laughs.

She's had a lot of really down times in her life.

And to be honest, some of it's just downright sad.

But at the same time, as you listen to Kristen, I want you to pay attention to the tone of her voice.

Because when you listen deep down, you can hear the power in her.

A power that I don't even know that Kristen realizes she has.

But truth is, Kristen is an absolute beautiful, powerful, independent, strong woman who has figured out a way to use her challenges to propel her forward in life.

Now, that's just one aspect of Kristen's story.

The other aspect is the insane talent that Kristen has.

Because Kristen is an artist, but baby, she's not just your ordinary artist.

Because Kristen excels in something that she calls higher self-portraits.

Exactly what that is, well, you're gonna have to listen to the episode to find out.

Now, I am going to be completely upfront and honest with you because I don't want to pull any little bait and switch type uh treatment on you like we get irritated with when we watch a show.

Because today's interview was longer than normal.

So therefore, I did decide to split it into two episodes.

So at the end of today's episode, please do not get angry at me when you all of a sudden see that black screen appear with the words to be continued.

I'm giving you a heads up now.

It's gonna be split into two parts, but that's okay.

Because Kristen's conversation with me honestly is so deep.

It's so heartfelt that I believe you kind of need a little bit of time to digest it.

And splitting it into two parts just felt like the right thing to do for you.

Today's episode is proudly sponsored by Naked Warrior Recovery, a Navy SEAL-owned and operated CBD company on a mission to help you improve both your physical and mental health.

What we're talking about is products made to help you sleep better, have more energy throughout the day, and to help heal those bumps and bruises gained along the way.

If this is intriguing to you, well, take advantage of the exclusive discount offered only to you, a listener of Grit Grace and Inspiration, by using promo code LO, that's L-O-W-E, all capital letters, upon checkout at Naked Warrior Recovery.

Now, just be sure to scroll down and check out today's show notes where you can find a link to take you right to their website where you can get shopping and ultimately start living a better life today.

Again, that's promo code LOL.

So, with all of that said, I want to introduce you to Kristen Girard.

Please be sure that if you love today's conversation, that you not only leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening to this podcast, but also share it with a friend.

If you would share it on social media or with just a friend directly, that would mean the world to me because I want the story of Kristen Girard to be heard by as many people as possible so that it stands a chance of impacting people's lives.

And that is the ultimate goal of this podcast.

I want to make a difference in as many people's lives as possible.

And well, I feel like this podcast is a great way of doing that.

So, with that said, I'm gonna turn it over to the woman I'm in the studio with today, the beautiful Kristen Girard.

SPEAKER_04: My journey to be who I am today started when I was three years old.

I was just, you know, like all little kids do, just doing little kid stuff.

And I'm sitting outside next to my biological father who was chopping firewood at the time.

And I was pretending to read a book, and if I remember it was a beautiful day.

The only problem was he wasn't paying attention to how close I was.

So I'm sitting there pretending to read, and I remember the book still to this day.

It had animals on it.

I was just fascinated.

And a piece of his wedge from his axe flies off and hits me in my right eye.

The next thing I remember is being in a car and a towel that in my memory is orange, but I'm actually told later it was red because I was bleeding so badly.

SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04: We were 45 minutes away from the closest hospital.

My parents, they drove, you know, like crazy to get us there.

And we got to this little hospital, and I'm so thankful for the hospital staff.

They operated on me for 12 hours before saying we can't help her.

And I ended up being airlifted to a second hospital where they operated for another 12 hours, the story was.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

SPEAKER_04: The injury was so bad, they had my mother picking out false eyes while I was on the operating table.

I remember struggling and straining so much.

Like that was that's one of my earliest memories is the struggle and strain, and I couldn't understand why people were holding me down.

It was horribly frightening.

I heard that I knew more swear words than a little girl ever could know.

Apparently, the whole staff was shocked.

SPEAKER_02: Maybe, maybe those were picked up by your dad chopping the firewood.

SPEAKER_04: Maybe, but then like my parents didn't really swear much that I knew of.

And like to now, my swear vocabulary is like three words.

I can't remember those.

But apparently my dialogue was quite extreme when I was three on that operating table.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, that is funny.

SPEAKER_04: I I was just a little feisty fighter.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: And then I remember coming to in the hospital bed, not understanding at all what had happened, really, and looking at my arm, and I they had my arm on some kind of I remember it was very soft, so I could feel the texture of it.

And but I couldn't straighten my arm, and they had the IV in there, and it hurt so badly.

My biological father had bought a unicorn, like it was like a head, and it had this wreath around it.

And I remember just being fascinated by that, you know, that I could still see with my my one good eye, and just the tactile nature of like walking down a hall for the first time, okay, feeling that.

And like all of these little details.

I I guess you could say that's like when I really appreciated what was in my world, you know, like all the little tiny nuances.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: I remember as I was healing being back home, and it was summer, so you know, there were it was buggy.

Yes.

And you know, flies, they want to investigate everything.

And we live in upstate New York, it's a hot, humid climate in the summer.

And I remember the flies kept buzzing around.

They had this patch over my eye, and I wasn't allowed to touch my eye, and like, you know, you're three, but that sticks out to me, that feeling you're not allowed to touch your eye or anything, and yet I couldn't do anything about these bugs, and it was just this, you know, what do I do?

I've always been really, really grateful for the surgeons.

They did a fantastic job.

I was able to grow up and learn about art and play field hockey and fall off of horses and fall down more icy ski slopes that I really care to think about.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.

So, did you lose that eye?

SPEAKER_04: Amazingly enough, I did not lose the eye, and I only had one blind spot in addition to the regular blind spot you have, and I didn't even know about that second blind spot until I was in science class, and they were demonstrating that everybody has a blind spot.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And I was like, wait, my pencil disappears more than once.

Because I could be doing with like a pencil eraser.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And I that's when I first started getting really amazed at what our brains could do.

I had no idea I had that blind spot.

I knew that I wasn't terribly coordinated, and I knew that I bumped into a lot of stuff, and I didn't actually know that I already had a visual handicap because my brain had done so much to make it normal for me.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, so where, like in in your field of vision, can you kind of explain where that blind spot was?

SPEAKER_04: It was actually in the middle of my vision.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: And a little bit up to it's a little down, but actually it's not in the middle.

It's down and to the right.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Because the injury happened to the top and to the left, which is really cool, actually, about eye injuries.

So where the injury happens, you'll often have the visual defects flipped up, flipped upside down and backwards, which is really kind of weird.

So to visualize it, so like if it happened in the northeast, you would perceive it in the southwest sector of the eye.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

You know, eye.

Crazy, yes.

SPEAKER_04: But it's just it's the our brains are amazing the way they work like that.

You know, I had like some missing depth perception, which is why I've I've always been a bit clumsy because I just don't see whatever is supposed to be there that I'm supposed to see and not stub my toe on.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Just like, oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: But but you couldn't see what happened because I I was lucky.

It happened underneath my eyelid, and the way the my the eye healed, and the way the surgeons are able to do everything.

If I have glasses on, it's practically invisible.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: But when I take my glasses off, then you can see actually how bad the scar is because of the way it like I'm clearly missing a couple of things that my other eye has comparatively.

Like it's hollowed out.

You can tell the skin stretch, the scar is pretty big.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: But most people don't notice it.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: Unless I have a sunburn, and then the scar stands out bright white against my very red sunburn because I just don't tan.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.

Wow.

So, so but I what I find fascinating is in because I've heard of this before, about the blind spot, how you didn't even know you had it, because literally your body, the brain, or whatever, is able to like fill that in where you don't even realize it.

Yeah.

Which is fascinating.

SPEAKER_04: I I also didn't realize how much it was affecting me either.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Because it was my normal.

I didn't know any better.

I mean, you're pretty young when you're three, and your brain is so, you know, it's plastic still.

You know, it's just growing like crazy.

So I I didn't know.

But yeah, and the I had what's called a sclera buckle.

We'll talk about that in a little bit.

But basically it's a round ceramic band pulled that held my eye together.

And the thing about injuries that happen to your eye and the sclera is they never heal.

It's like when you like when people blow their knees out, you know, they like they twist, I can't remember the name.

unknown: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: ACL.

When you have an ACL injury, it doesn't heal.

You actually have to have surgery to stitch it back together or replace it.

Same thing with that part of your eye.

So they had that scleral buckle in there to hold it.

So we'll pause that part of the story.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Do not look it up on the internet.

unknown: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: You you don't want to hear the descriptions.

It's just it's yes.

I gave you the best one possible to not give anyone nightmares.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

So now this that we're we're talking about, though, this was what was put on your eye during all of those surgeries at three years old.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's what held it together.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

So growing up then after that, childhood pretty normal.

SPEAKER_04: No.

I like, I seriously thought I had a normal childhood.

I didn't know that I didn't have a normal childhood until I was well into my 30s.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

Explain that to me.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah.

So my biological father died when I was five years old.

Um, actually, I don't talk about this much.

So he actually suicided when I was five.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

SPEAKER_04: And the reason I call him my biological father is because he was very violent.

One of my other earliest memories is him beating up my mother.

So, and that was kind of I don't talk about it a lot because it's very it's painful in a way that talking about the eye injury isn't.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: You probably noticed I'm calling him my biological father and not my father.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I was wondering what the story was.

SPEAKER_04: It's as I was older and I started coping with what he had done and that early environment he had created, and that I only had a handful of good memories involving him.

It occurred to me that just because someone has contributed to your DNA or shares DNA with you does not mean that they are actually family.

What role are they really playing in your life?

He wasn't a father.

You know, fathers protect, they cherish, they love, and they create a safe environment.

This person did not do that for me.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

Yep.

SPEAKER_04: So that's why I call him my biological father.

SPEAKER_02: That's that's totally understandable.

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and I I've seen a lot of people get very um, you know, like my my father didn't love me, or you know, how come I can't have a good relationship?

Sometimes the people that we call our parents, they're not really our parents.

They, if you look at the like the divine picture of how we all get here, they you could consider them as souls that have agreed to help you learn certain lessons.

That doesn't mean you have to stay and endure, if that makes any sense at all.

SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02: I won't lie and be like, oh yeah, I totally know what you mean.

SPEAKER_04: Well, let's put it this way: like, I could say, like, oh, I would love to have a great relationship with this person if he wasn't deceased, called, you know, my biological father.

But the reality is, unfortunately, my life was better because he chose to leave.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04: And it's one of those things that, you know, I Father's Day is hard for me.

I mean, I won't I won't lie, Father's Day is really hard because I see what people who actually have fathers experience in life.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: You know, that they have somebody safe to hug who loves them, who will shelter them, who will tell you weird funny dad jokes.

SPEAKER_02: Yep.

SPEAKER_04: You know, like who are being the best of like that patriarch energy, you know, and it it's wonderful.

And sure, I would absolutely love to have that in my life.

But this person, by being who he chose to be, set off a series of events that I could get really, really angry about.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: But also when I am living in my truth, when I am doing what I am here to do, I realize I am a lot stronger, like with a like not like muscle strength, but deep inner strength, because I haven't had a lot of people I could depend on.

Like my life lesson seems to be all about coming from within and letting letting all my wisdom come from come from within, come from within my heart center.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And everything has been about that.

When I go outward, it doesn't turn out that well for me because the whole lesson seems to be about standing in my own inner strength, my own inner love, self-empowerment, coming from within in a way that a lot of people don't have to do until much later in life.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: But that was one of the lessons that I have been learning to stand in.

SPEAKER_02: So let me ask you, because I mean, what you speak of, I mean, that's it's very powerful and in in it shows just the kind of person that you are.

But I have to wonder though.

Childhood, it had to be tough though for you to have no father in your life.

I don't, I don't know the situation with siblings or mom or anything of that, but but the fact that you had a dad, you lost your dad, even though that situation wasn't good.

Did it still impact you growing up, you know, being a kid, seeing all the other, you know, kids with with parents and you know, like you kind of described earlier, that I would imagine that that had to hurt and and leave an impact on you?

SPEAKER_04: When I was a child, not really, but as an adult, actually, it impacts me more.

unknown: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Which I find interesting about that, because I didn't know what I was missing out on that, because it was my normal, just like with my eye.

It was my normal.

I didn't know that other kids had parents who hugged them.

I did not know that people hugged when just like on a daily basis, just to say hi until I was in college.

SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04: I had no idea.

Yes, you know, like and even like in some of my responses, I know are a little bit different.

Like I learned very young, it is not okay to cry, which is interesting because now I cry regularly all the time where people can see me.

I got me working on a painting about emotions.

Yes, but it wasn't okay to cry, it wasn't okay to not know how to do something.

My mother, she's a person of great, great strength, and she has so many wonderful, wonderful things about her.

And at the same time, there are things that have happened that I really wish were otherwise.

Yes, and it's that's also been another big lesson.

We can love people dearly, we can want to protect them, and that was one of the things that I had to learn to let go of.

You know, I remember as a little kid wanting to protect my mother and how much grief I had because I could not protect my mother.

SPEAKER_00: Yep.

SPEAKER_04: And not realizing that that role is actually supposed to be reversed.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: Your parents are supposed to protect you.

I didn't know that.

I thought that parents got to hurt you and it was your job to sit there and take it.

I didn't know that it was your parents' job to love and protect you.

I had no idea that that's what parents were supposed to do.

It's hard when you love and admire somebody deeply.

I I had two stepfathers, and they're barely worth mentioning aside from that.

I had two stepfathers because they were so uninvolved in my life.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And the involvement that my second stepfather had was all negative.

SPEAKER_02: Yep.

SPEAKER_04: I I learned that it wasn't okay to go after what you wanted.

Your dreams did not matter.

You didn't matter.

What mattered was protecting someone who couldn't protect herself.

SPEAKER_03: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: That that's what I took away from the majority of my childhood.

I didn't even know that nice, caring people existed until I was reading James, James Gurney's Dinotopia books.

I am so grateful for what he does.

There were these wonderful books about a father and a son who had gotten shipwrecked in the 18th century off of an island, and on this island were dinosaurs living in peace, including Tyrannosaurus Rexes and Bronosauruses.

It was amazing.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And I don't always said Bronosaurus, it's a potasaurus.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Like my my ten-year-old's kicking my butt right now.

Who said that wrong?

But they were beautiful.

They were all about kindness and love and compassion and acceptance.

I didn't know that existed until I read it in a book.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: I'm so grateful for books.

I I would not be who I am today.

My creativity would not have flourished if it wasn't for books.

What a wonderful time we live in that books can help a 10-year-old girl cope with her first low when she's diagnosed with diabetes.

Because I didn't have help outside of the books.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

So so tell me about that.

When were you diagnosed with having diabetes?

SPEAKER_04: I was in fourth grade when I started showing symptoms of type 1 diabetes.

And it type 1 diabetes is odd.

I gained a ton of weight, so much weight, and then I lost it all.

Oh, so hungry, so thirsty.

By the time so we had a really bad summer between my fourth grade and fifth grade year.

Our house burned, not all the way down, but a good portion of it burned, and we had to move out so it could be repaired, worked on.

That was horrifying.

Even though we didn't lose the whole house, it was just horrifying.

So that was one Saturday.

We were staying with some friends of my mother's, and one of them happened to be a nurse and noticed that I couldn't eat enough, couldn't drink enough.

I mean, I'm talking, can you imagine a 10-year-old, skinny as can be girl, eating a big Mac, a large fry, an entire large soda, and everybody else's food?

I could not eat enough food.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: And yet I was so thirsty all the time, and that is diabetes.

What happens in type one?

It's scary.

You can eat all of the food in the world and still starve to death.

Yes is what was happening.

SPEAKER_02: So tell me the difference because I always get it again.

What's the difference between type 1 and then type 2 diabetes?

SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, that's a big thing.

So type 1 diabetes, it's usually an autoimmune disorder.

So basically, your body says to your pancreas, we don't like you anymore.

And your immune system goes on all-out attack and kills the cells that produce insulin in your pancreas.

They're called the beta cells.

Okay.

They're very special cells.

And no other cell in your body can produce insulin except for those.

When your immune system decides that they're not okay, it's very thorough.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Gets them all.

Insulin is that it's a hormone that helps sugar get from your bloodstream into your cells.

And without it, your cells actually can't get that sugar from the food you eat.

Doesn't matter whether you're eating peanut butter or bananas or carrots.

It all ends up breaking down to a sugar form eventually, so your body can use it.

Your body can't use it unless it has insulin, because insulin is that bridge that gets the fuel that is the sugar from the bloodstream into your cells.

So that's why you can starve to death and be eating everything in sight because you don't have that critical bridge.

So and with type 1 diabetes, your pancreas doesn't come back because your body keeps going after it.

And that's one of the big reasons why type 1 does not have a cure yet.

I'm really hoping that someday there will be something better than what I currently have to do.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: But what I have to do is so much better than other people.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Type 1 people, type 1 diabetes, it was a death sentence until 1922, I believe is when the first insulin shot was invented and given.

And it still is a death sentence without insulin.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And without a delivery method.

You have to have some way of getting it into your body effectively.

And it has to be, you can't drink it, can't eat it.

It has to go underneath your skin, seeing shots or an insulin pump or something like that.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Type two is very different, and I wish it had a different name.

The effect ends up being similar, but with type two, what happens is your body's pancreas gets a little faulty and it starts making insulin that isn't quite right.

And so it's like a bridge that kind of collapses sometimes when you go across it.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Or it's a little jagged, so it makes the journey longer and doesn't have to be, you know, just to give you a visual about what's actually going on in your body.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Over time, your body gets worse and worse at making that insulin until eventually it really can't make enough to actually run your body.

That fuel just isn't getting there because there's too many faulty bridges.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: So with type two, it tends to be a slower onset.

Okay.

More gradual.

And type two is really interpopulation in a way that type one isn't or wasn't.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Because before, when you had type one, you used to die before you got to reproductive age, usually.

Of course.

A lot of people would get it when they were eight to fourteen.

That was the most common age rate to get it.

But type two used to be, people would not get it until they were in their forties and fifties.

So it was, I'm gonna, and I hate saying this about people in their forties and fifties because I'm one of them.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: But like you're not you know, you're not really like it's an old people's disease.

Oh, by the way, we are all in our forties and fifties.

We are young, vibrant people.

Yes, yes, forever and ever.

SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04: It used to be something you didn't get until you were older.

So a lot of people associate type two with their grandparents.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And over time they do end up having to take insulin shots and because their bodies just can't produce enough insulin to do any kind of job.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: But the two really get mixed up a lot, mainly because so type two, it will kill you eventually, but it's gonna take a very long time to do it.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Type one has both a long-term and a short-term plan to kill you.

All the time.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04: Diabetes humor can get a little dark, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I gotcha.

I gotcha.

SPEAKER_04: Both of them, what makes them dangerous is not just that your body's not getting fueled the way it needs to, but all that sugar gets really sticky in your bloodstream.

And then that causes a lot of damage.

Instead of having like baseballs in your bloodstream, if you will, you have bowling balls and it's too big.

Uh with all those little red blood cells that are clumping together and starts doing a lot of little tiny damages all over the place.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: That's why people type one and type two can often, especially type two, because they tend not to know they have type two until it's really advanced.

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: At least before.

Now doctors are checking, and there's a whole bunch of education stuff, even like this.

SPEAKER_01: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Somebody's thirsty all the time, somebody's eating food and losing weights, go to the doctor.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

Exactly.

Or there's, have you ever heard of, and it's something totally, totally different, but they call it, and again, I it seems to me kind of confusing, but diabetes insipidus.

Have you ever heard of that?

SPEAKER_04: I'm sure I have, but refresh my memory.

SPEAKER_02: It's more regarding like the thirst hormone.

And so I have what it's called diabetes insipidus.

And so basically, what happens is my body is not able to control the thirst hormone.

And so I take a medicine, which is literally just a nasal spray, that controls it.

And so it controls when that medicine is worn off, I'm so thirsty.

And so my body literally, I can drink and drink, and then literally pee and pee and pee until my body will just dehydrate out.

And so, so that medicine, but it's literally controlled with ironically a nasal spray that I take about every 12 hours.

And so, whenever I've gone into the hospital, you know, they immediately always come in ready to check my sugar.

And we're like, no, no, no, I I'm not diabetic.

They're like, oh no, no, it's set right, no, no, no, it's something totally different.

But again, it's kind of like you, you, you know, when you talk about wish they would call it something different than just type one and type two, because they are such totally different things that you know, you like come out.

I think I think we should distinguish them a little bit differently.

SPEAKER_04: So it would be nice if they did.

And you know, a little bit of a rant here, it really drives me absolutely crazy when you are ill and in the hospital and you still have to be like, I need to maintain consciousness enough to tell the doctors and the nursing staff what's actually wrong with me.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

It is such a pain.

It is, it is, but yes, we we have learned you yeah, you you have to.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it doesn't like and even if you have an advocate there with you.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you still have to be the one going, what are you putting in that Ivy?

SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.

No, it yeah, it's oh yeah, that's a whole nother topic of conversation, 100%.

Oh my gosh.

So, so back on this journey of of of your life, and so so we had this traumatic event when you were very young at three years old.

We then come up, your biological father kills himself at five years old.

Yeah, now you're up around 10 or 10 years old when now you're diagnosed with diabetes.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah.

You know, can you imagine telling a 10-year-old one they have diabetes, but saying it like, you have diabetes?

It's like I can't even get my voice low enough and dreadful enough to like for what that doctor did.

And he and I remember sitting on that table, and he's like, basically, it was like he was planning my funeral.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: She's gonna die.

We have insulin stuff, she's she'll be fine, but she's gonna die, and don't let her have kids.

SPEAKER_01: Wow.

SPEAKER_04: Like, I'm 10 years old, and they're all and they also saying in the same breath, and she's going to lose her eyesight.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04: This is 1992 when I was diagnosed.

SPEAKER_01: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And this is the stuff that they were saying.

So all in one fell swoop.

I mean, give my perspective with 10-year-old.

I have ice cream taken away and theory.

We'll go back to that later.

SPEAKER_03: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: But I'm told I can't really eat anything anymore.

I can't have kids.

I'm 10 years old.

I'm a kid.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04: And then I'm going to lose my eyesight.

You know, and like it was for everyone, you are not doomed to lose your eyesight if you have type 1 diabetes or type 2.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: It's really a lifelong practice of management.

And even with the best management for caring for your diabetes, yes, you could lose your eyesight.

And even with the worst care for diabetes, you might keep your eyes.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: But it's not set in stone.

And really, what I found talking to other people living with major health issues, it seems to be attitude more than anything else that determines your outcome.

SPEAKER_02: That's interesting.

Yes.

But you know.

SPEAKER_04: But attitude seems to be the number one thing.

And this is not a scientific thing, it's just anecdotal.

Talk to other people.

The more accepting and loving they are of who they are, despite whatever has happened, the healthier in the long run people end up being.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: You know, we'll come back to that, but it it's really important, especially when you know you're a little kid or you know, you're 17 like you were.

Like when these things happen, it feels like the end of the world, but it's not.

And life is gonna be amazing in ways you could not have ever expected.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

Exactly.

So I wanna I wanna fast forward a little bit because you you mentioned earlier about going to college.

And you mentioned earlier when you were talking about it, it was the first time that you realized that people hugged one another.

And so I know college obviously is a very kind of transformational time for for most everyone.

It's it's this entering into a new chapter of life, stage of life.

But for you, I would love for you to kind of expand on it a little bit more because not only are we talking about this new, like I come back to the word I want to use, like, you know, a lot of people will say like culture shock.

But for you, I would say it's it's not culture shock, it's lifestyle shock of, you know, like I say, going from experiencing emotion and and compassion and hugging and all that, but also kind of fast forwarding, we we get to a point where you have more issues pop up with your eyes.

And so I would love for you to kind of take over now that we're we're up to that part, and in kind of letting me in on what was happening then.

SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.

So I college actually was a culture shock.

Okay, okay.

I was like, oh my God.

I I so the high school I went to, or high school, the school I went to when I was a kid, pre-K through 12th grade, was 500 kids in the entire school.

SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, okay.

SPEAKER_04: I went to school in New York City.

Yes, you can't get more different.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: So that that was oh my goodness, so shocking.

I didn't know what to do.

But that, you know, I learned a lot, my world expanded.

I met some great people, you know, when I was an undergrad, and I decided I was going to be an artist because every other thing that I tried to do, I was told by uh was told I was not allowed to do.

I was allowed to be an artist.

And that I just want to touch on for a quick second.

SPEAKER_02: Of course.

SPEAKER_04: Because it's one of those things that gets me under my skin.

SPEAKER_02: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Um and I I think it's really important for all creatives, you know, for you as a creative doing this podcast, for anyone who's a musician, who's a painter like me, or you know, whatever it is you do that you create.

I later on taught photography at a college and loved it.

There was so many wonderful things about it.

But one of the things that I came to realize was that so many people, including myself, are put into, let's say, shoved into art.

I grew up wanting to be a scientist.

I wanted to be a paleontologist.

That was my life goal from first grade, right up until I was told I was not allowed to go to school for paleontology and would receive no help whatsoever if I chose to continue regardless.

That type 1 diabetes thing, I know it's difficult.

More difficult for me to do things in life than other people.

And I knew that I was could not do college without help, and I knew that I wanted to go to college.

So I wasn't allowed to be a scientist because I wasn't smart enough.

So I was like, okay, I'll go be a vet.

I got into veterinary school, wasn't allowed to go because I didn't get a full scholarship, and I wasn't really smart enough to go.

But I was allowed to go be an artist after every all the other college application period times had ended.

And I ended up going to a community college, which was fine.

You know, the community college was great, but I wasn't really allowed to explore and expand what I actually wanted to do.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And the only reason I became an artist at all, even despite the like the only thing you can do is go be an artist, was because I was crushed sitting next to a bookcase and I was looking at the covers of my favorite books, and I kept thinking, I kept looking at the covers, and it occurred to me that I was looking at the covers.

I wasn't necessarily thinking about what was inside those books, because I was so captivated by the covers.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: I was like, well, if I'm going to be forced to be an artist, why don't I do what these people are doing?

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: These illustrator people.

And you know, which turned out to be, but it turned out to be the path I was supposed to be on.

But when I was teaching college later, I saw so many other wonderful people being put into the arts as if the arts was where you put people you didn't know what else to do with.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And who were hopeless anywhere else.

I can't tell you the toll that that takes on students.

I I can certainly tell you the toll it took on me.

It actually set me up for some pretty darn severe depression.

But this idea that the arts are less than, you know, that the it's not okay to be an artist, but we're gonna put everybody that we can't seem to accept and we don't consider smart enough to do other things into this place for misfits.

Yes, yes, and that makes me so angry because the same people who will go on forever about how beautiful, you know, an art museum is, or how great a movie is, or music, how wonderful that is, they're the same people tell you you're you're not okay.

You should go be an artist, and it's not okay to be an artist.

It's this really weird twisted logic, not yes.

SPEAKER_02: No, that's that's an interesting take on that whole whole thing of I think I think it goes to a greater subject of just society, of culture, of what of what we view as as degrees of you know career paths and and and just separations of people and in what we think as a society is more valuable and in you know and who is greater or lesser, and and instead of understanding the fact that everybody has their own unique gifts.

That are suited for one thing or another.

SPEAKER_00: Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

And that's how we need to to focus on things is is that of of discovering who people are, who we are, and what those gifts are, and that dictates the path we take.

SPEAKER_04: Yes.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And just having joy in everything.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: The wonderful people who pick up our garbage outside the street.

unknown: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: No better or no less than.

The guy on Wall Street shouting like crazy about make-believe numbers about hedge funds.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04: I would say that the guy on the street making sure that the everything's picked up and clean.

I don't know about you, but I love living on a street where there isn't garbage lining it.

SPEAKER_02: Yep.

Exactly.

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04: If I had to choose, I would take the garbage guy.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

Exactly.

But I I do, and I I love, I love this conversation because I do.

I think it's something that is so underlooked in society today of showing respect, showing gratitude to, like you said, to everyone.

And stop with this mentality.

And I think it goes back to being in school.

And we I've I've had this conversation many times with people about growing up in school, it was always you've got to do really good in elementary school.

So it sets you up to get in the higher level classes in middle school.

So then you can go into the AP classes at high school because you got to get set up to be able to go to the great college to get the good degree.

And because as if going to a trade school is something less.

Meanwhile, meanwhile, we have the kids who do this and they now have these high degrees, and they are in a job they hate, or in a job that's really not making that much money, definitely not enough to pay off all the student loans.

Whereas their classmate, who instead went out of high school and became an AC mechanic and now has his own air conditioning company and is doing very well.

And yet society wants us to believe that that person is somehow less than the other.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's a really weird twisted logic loop.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Who is in more demand right now?

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

SPEAKER_04: We need more electricians, firefighters, policemen and women.

Like we need more doers and creators.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And that's so discouraged.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And it it it's one of those things that especially if you have a chronic illness or a health condition, any job you take is more challenging just because that thing exists in your life.

SPEAKER_01: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: And it doesn't seem to matter which realm you're in, really.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: That there is a lot of other hurdles you have to face because you're not as good of a worker because you know, like, oh, you're you're not dependable, you don't know when you're gonna get low or you know, blood sugar low.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

SPEAKER_04: Or, you know, I I have a lot of problems with vision and you do too.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: But that idea that you're not worthy because you can't do things the same way, regardless of whether you're you know, no matter what career path you choose, and that's another thing I would just like to pull out.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: Because you do amazing work.

I know I do.

I'm proud of what I do.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.

So so that's that's what I'm curious though, is how did you transition and what was the transition from this girl who was being forced to go in a direction that she didn't want to go, to then realizing, oh my gosh, I love this.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it um so I got got out of undergrad, worked some really awful jobs, and then it really gives me a lot of empathy for people, what they're facing when they come out of college and when you don't have support.

And like, you know, earlier when we were talking about family, that's when I realized actually what I didn't have.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: So I happen to be really good at photography, and I ended up teaching at this college, and I was I was really happy there, really enjoying what I was doing, but I wasn't allowed to teach full-time because I didn't have a master's.

So I had to go back to school for a master's, and I really love illustration, and I had been wanting to do more of that because illustrators are amazing, you know, just shout out to the illustrator community who listen to more podcasts than I think probably anyone else because we're in our studios painting all the time.

Yes, and it's so wonderful to have another voice.

So, you know, I was like, you know, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna I'll get my graduate degree in illustration, things will be great, life will start looking up.

And then in the middle of graduate school, not in the middle, it was in the very beginning.

I was having one of the worst health years.

My health started collapsing in 2012 and in 2013.

I had three of the worst colds that make like actually that are equivalent to COVID.

I mean, they were awful, like three of the worst colds ever.

Then I had shingles, which was not not fun.

SPEAKER_02: No, don't recommend that experience.

No, no, I'm just animal.

SPEAKER_04: But of course, me being me, I was like, you know, there are things I would really like to do in life.

So in the middle of one of these colds, I decided to apply for graduate school.

I I get into graduate school great.

It was a residency program or a low residency program, so I could continue teaching and I wouldn't have to move, and I could get this master's degree that I really, really was excited about.

But I get the shingles literally right before going to graduate school.

Like I'm still healing from the shingles scar when I'm showing up for the first day of graduate school.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: Which, by the way, with diabetes, like your skin, like you really want to take good care of it because you have to put a lot of sharp objects in it to get insulin into your body.

So I was very concerned about shingles and what they were doing and all the scar tissue and whatnot because only so much real estate to do insulin shots on.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: So I've started graduate school, my eye, my right eye, the one that had the surgery back when I was three, okay, was getting really weird and really painful.

And uh, you know, I Web MD'd as people do.

Don't WebMD.

Go to a doctor.

Go to a good doctor.

unknown: Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: If you don't have an answer, go to a second doctor.

Keep going to doctors until somebody has an answer for you.

Until somebody really listens.

I did, I I did.

I had gone to a doctor, like I WebMD'd.

I'm like, oh, I say it's an ocular migraine, I'll be fine.

I was seeing flashes all over the place.

And my eye was getting increasingly painful.

My regular eye doctor was on vacation.

Poor guy never takes a vacation.

This is the one time he takes a vacation.

So I go to grad school.

I'd seen other the other eye doctor who told me, eh, you're fine.

WebMD is probably right.

If they say that, go to another doctor.

unknown: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: So they're trying to do my best to learn, and yet my eye is so distracting, and I'm still recovering from the shingles.

And just, you know, it wasn't actively contagious, but I was just still recovering.

Like my my body was still a bit weak.

Type 1 diabetes, everything becomes a bigger deal.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: So I get down to graduate school and I had, thank goodness, a regular appointment with my eye doctor.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: I go into his office two days after getting back from graduate school, desperate for help, because the flashes were getting worse and worse.

And the eye doctor looked in my eye.

He was more familiar with me.

He actually looked at the surgery site when I was complaining about what happened.

And he went, Oh my god, we need to get you into the doc.

We need to get you into surgery right now.

Oh and so there wasn't really much time.

It was a whirlwind, a couple of days of trying to find a surgeon.

The first surgeon I went to was awful.

By the way, you do not have to have somebody operate on your eye just because you had an appointment with them once.

This guy, this first guy I thought was awful.

He told me that I was being a wimp because I couldn't keep my eye open when he was looking at it.

And he just do the procedure right there.

I mean, it was we all have choices.

Yes.

I chose to walk out of his office and go find somebody else.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_04: The second doctor, much better, much more kind.

He was like, All right, we're gonna be getting you in, and you know, just next week.

You know, but I think it was like Thursday, getting in Monday, that kind of thing.

He had asked me what had happened, we had explained it, done the whole thing.

My mother was there because she'd been there for the original thing.

So the operation is happening.

I am on the operating table.

I have been giving anesthesia.

This guy, the the sort of the second surgeon, he looked at my eye, walked out.

Well, I'm on the surgery table.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: And said to went out to my where my my husband and my mother were waiting, and we're like, what happened to her?

Because the surgery, the original one, the original trauma was that bad that the eye surgeon couldn't believe how bad it was.

SPEAKER_02: And with that, I hope you have enjoyed today's episode.

This was part one of my interview with Kristen Girard, and I hope you will join me next week inside of episode 127 for part two.

Now, let me just tell you this.

That if you've enjoyed the interview so far, well, it only gets better next week.

Because we are going to be diving into Kristen's true gift for these higher self-portraits.

And let me just tell you this, it is something you're not going to want to miss.

So if you're not already following this podcast, please be sure to hit that follow button wherever you're listening so you're notified when next week's episode comes out.

Until then, just get out there and enjoy the day.

And I'll see you again inside of next episode.

Hey, real quick before you go, I have one last thought to leave you with.

I of course hope that you've enjoyed today's episode, but more importantly, I want to remind you that I never want you to listen to an episode of this podcast to hear something that I have to say or that my guest has to share and think, wow, I wish I could be like them.

I wish I could overcome my own challenges and do the great things that they are doing, but I just can't.

Well, friend, that's where you're wrong.

unknown: You're wrong.

SPEAKER_02: You are capable.

You are able.

And you darn sure are deserving of having all that you can imagine in this life.

There's nothing special about me or any guests I have on this podcast.

We are all just normal people trying to make it in this life.

And so I encourage you to take a look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you know what?

I can do it too.

Now, of course, if you would like help along that way, reach out to me.

Whether that's as a listener of this podcast, a friend, or if you'd like to work with me as a coach.

My contact information is inside of every episode's show notes, just like this one.

So go down, check out my contact information, and reach out to me today.

With that said, I encourage you to take on the day every day with grid and it's great.