Exploring the Beautiful Craziness of the Midlife Crisis with Jennifer Villamil

Like it's really about the journey throughout the way that that makes life so beautiful.

And if it we all did it the same way, like how boring would that be?

Like that would just that would be like such a boring world to live in.

SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Lowdown with Kevin Lowe, the podcast shining light on the inspiring stories of ordinary people choosing to live out anything but ordinary lives.

All in the hope that you will be inspired to live out your best life.

Because this life is meant to be lived.

And this podcast is meant to inspire you to do it.

What's happening?

Welcome back to the podcast.

This is episode 101 here on The Lowdown with Kevin Lowe.

Super excited to have you joining me today with another fantastic guest kicking off our first episode in the 100s.

Her name is Jennifer Villamille, and Jennifer is a fellow podcaster.

Her podcast is called My Almost Midlife Crisis.

And well, the title alone is what caught my attention.

Because today's interview with Jennifer is going to be one that's going to be super interesting if you're anybody like me.

Well, what does that mean?

What that means is if you're somebody who you feel as though your life has not followed the timeline that we thought it was when we were growing up, well, this is definitely for you.

Like you didn't marry your high school sweetheart, you don't have three perfect children with a golden retriever puppy, a boat in the driveway, beautiful cars in the garage, your dream job, and everything is just amazing.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

And said, no, life's a crazy mess.

And that's okay.

Because today's episode is a reminder to us all that we don't have to fall victim to this mindset of following life's timeline.

Each one of us are on our own timeline.

And it's important for us to remember that.

And what I think today's episode is awesome about doing is it's an encouragement to us all, to all of us who feel like we're the only one who's not where we're supposed to be in life as a reminder.

We're definitely not alone.

There's more of us out there than we may realize.

Because Jennifer, she is totally flipping the script on life's timeline.

Like becoming pregnant at almost 40 years old, getting married at the same time in her life.

And well, society would tell us, wow, that's late.

That's too old.

Well, you know what?

I think it's time for us to flip the script on society's timeline and just start living and enjoying life how we want to.

So if you're into this, if it's sounding like you, well, let me just say this: you're gonna totally love the lady I'm about to introduce you to.

Here is my interview with Jennifer, host of My Almost Midlife Crisis.

SPEAKER_00: My name is Jennifer Villamille, and I started a podcast called My Almost Midlife Crisis when really I was going through the pandemic, and I think like a lot of people were really questioning kind of what's next.

Like I'm yearning for this change, but I don't know what exactly I want to change, and just had a lot of questions about where my life was going and what I wanted to do about it.

And so I came up with the podcast purely because I wanted to explore the topic of the midlife crisis and really what is it?

And throughout the process of, I would say maybe like a little bit of a self-discovery process, I really started to come to realize that the midlife crisis is something that sounds, it sounds bad and also sounds like it's reserved for like only people in their like 50s.

But really all it is, and I and I truly believe this because now I feel like I've been going through it for like a year.

It really all it is is this opportunity for positive changes in our lives.

And the difference between somebody that goes off and buys a Corvette and like cheats on their spouse with someone half their age and a positive experience is really taking the time for self-reflection.

And I think that's the piece that a lot of people skip over because honestly, it's the hardest part.

But if you do that, I truly believe that we shouldn't be scared of the midlife crisis.

In fact, all of us are going to experience it at some point.

And that's that's a good thing because it's really this opportunity to like check in, stop, and potentially change directions for the better.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

And I'm sitting here thinking to myself, gosh, is there such a thing as like a quarter life crisis, uh a three tenths of a crisis?

SPEAKER_00: You know?

Totally.

Yeah, it's like it doesn't even have to be.

Yeah, that's probably like the next question is like, how many of these do we go through?

Because maybe it doesn't even have to be one.

SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.

Well, I love this.

I love this.

And and and you are so right.

I I almost would when I think of the term like midlife crisis, I think of two things.

I either think of, oh my gosh, you know, they're going through a midlife crisis, what are they doing?

Or I think of the other kind of the glamorous side of what you mentioned is it means going out and spending money on a, you know, uh bright red, you know, sports car.

And, you know, it just kind of crazy.

But it's really uh, like you said, a shift, a shift in our identity, a shift in what we want out of life, what our direction is.

And so I guess what I would love to ask you is share with me what was it that made you realize hey, I think I'm experiencing a midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so when I was when we were going through the pandemic, which by the way, I think in general potentially pushed more people into the midlife crisis at different ages than than anything else, I think, in our recent history.

Because one of the things that really triggers a midlife crisis is this sense of mortality.

And we all went through this like collective sense of mortality over 2020 and 2021, right?

And whether that was us watching COVID numbers increase and being concerned for ourselves, for our family, for our friends, et cetera, or just, you know, constantly hearing about the horrible effects of it.

You know, we all kind of got faced with it in some way.

And so, you know, when I was going through that, we also were supposed to get married in May 2020.

We had to push that back.

Actually, we ended up having like four dates and finally got married this past July.

I've been in the advertising field for now like 18 years.

So I was, you know, pretty far along in my career.

And I was really struggling through where I was there and just kind of like happy where I got to, but then just didn't really know where I wanted to go from there.

And I was having trouble motivating myself and just having and finding that passion that I had had in the past.

And I was struggling with, you know, the fact that along with moving the wedding, um, that also meant pushing back starting a family, which we were already late in doing because I'm I'm now turning 40 in a month.

So we were already kind of push pushing our luck in that, in that area as well.

So it was like all of these things kind of started happening at once.

And then, and then add on the, you know, the craziness of 2020 of the election of I live in downtown Chicago.

So like social unrest was like a very, very in our face like thing that was a topic of conversation, right?

And something that we were also kind of learning about ourselves and and dealing with.

So, you know, all of these things were kind of, it was like this tornado of things that I was sitting on the couch one day and I literally said to my now husband, I was like, I feel like I'm almost going through a midlife crisis.

And that was literally the start of the podcast.

SPEAKER_01: Yes.

SPEAKER_00: So it was just kind of recognizing that for the, I'm like, I'm a very, I've always been like a very goal-oriented person.

I am a planner, like I'm the person that I never, I never really had like the five-year plan, but like I always kind of know what's next.

I always have a backup, like a plan B.

Like I am a very organized person.

And so it was like for the first time in my life, I just felt kind of like lost.

And I couldn't really put a finger on on what I was feeling.

I just knew something had to change.

And so I kind of put the name on it because I'm a planner and because I need to label things, I put the name on it.

Like, I think I'm almost, I was like, I feel like I'm too young for a midlife crisis, but I feel like I'm almost going through one.

And so that was my that was where it started.

And then fast forward to April 2022, I was 13 weeks pregnant and I got laid off from my job.

And then I joked that kind of then I actually went into my real midlife crisis because I truly have no idea what's next, other than the fact that I'm for sure having this baby.

But outside of that, like I'm kind of at a loss right now.

So it's, you know, it is it is what it is.

It's scary as hell, but it's also, I think, exciting because it's a it is an opportunity to kind of now create the path forward.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

And what I what I sit there and I think is I think to myself, it's really changing the script and looking at the messiness of life through a different lens.

And instead of looking at it as this negative, looking at it as an opportunity for what can come next.

SPEAKER_00: Right.

And I think in in general, right, they say like you can't control the outcome, but you can control your response to the outcome, or you can't control other people, but you can control like how you let them impact you, right?

Like, and I think all of those things are true.

Like in psychology, if you ever go to a therapist, which I a hundred percent am like an advocate of, I'm not a therapist, but I think everyone should go to a therapist at least sometime in their lives.

But, you know, anytime you kind of are trying to deal with difficult things, the first things that you're told is that you can only control you.

That's it.

And so it's true when you're going through something like a midlife crisis, or or even if you're not going through a midlife crisis, but you're going through some kind of big change in your life, you can't always control all of the pieces around you.

So, in order to make it not this horrible thing, as humans, we do need to feel a sense of control of something.

And so, therefore, the only thing we can control is our mindset about what is going on.

And if you can do that, then it becomes less scary in a way.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I agree.

I love it.

I love it.

So now backing up a little bit, when when you realize that you're going through this midlife crisis, or you're almost going through this midlife crisis, you think you're going through it.

Where does that mindset then enter the realm of, hey, let's share this with the world on a podcast?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know.

My husband always says, because my husband's like the exact opposite of me.

He's a very private person where he like doesn't even he didn't even want to share that we were pregnant until like he's like, let's share in the summer.

I'm like, I'm gonna be almost due by then.

I'm like, if I share any pictures of myself at some point, people are gonna know.

Like, it's like that that TikTok sound, like they're gonna know.

Like nobody's gonna know.

It's like I'm usually a pretty fit person.

So like people are gonna know all of a sudden when I have like a belly.

So he thought I was kind of crazy sharing, you know, really personal thoughts on a podcast and in a book, actually.

And I just that's who I've always been, I guess.

I I I am more of an extrovert.

So in a world where we couldn't see any people in real life, I thought about, well, you know what?

I can't, I know I'm not the only person going through this.

And so if I can talk about it and really be authentic about my experience, then maybe someone else going through it won't really feel so, you know, alone in it and and feel like they have a sense of community that that this other person's going through it and and they're dealing with it.

So I can I can do it too.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

Well, I love that.

I love that.

So, so what was the reaction you got once you launched the podcast?

SPEAKER_00: I think it's been really positive.

You know, I think I've definitely gotten some.

Oh my God, that's exactly what I'm going through.

I think people are hesitant to identify it as a midlife crisis.

I think because in some parts it makes them feel old, which, you know, I joke at the podcast that it's like the podcast of that time in our lives when we're no longer young, but we're not old.

And that, and that's true because first of all, you never feel your age, you know, unless you wake up with like back pain for no reason.

But like at the end of the day, age is age really is like a number and it's how you feel, right?

So like a lot of people are like, well, I don't, I don't feel like I'm in middle age.

But I mean, looking at life expectancy, like, sorry to burst the bubble, like unless you're living to like 200, like half your life is kind of done, right?

And like, yeah, that's just science.

And but that's fine because if you think about, if you think about everything you've accomplished in the first half of your life, like you didn't know how to speak or move, or like you literally knew no words, you knew like nothing.

You came out of the womb to the person you are today.

Like if you could even accomplish a quarter of that, then that's you still got a lot to go, you know?

So I think it's like people are kind of hesitant to think they're midlife because it sounds like the end is coming so soon.

And yeah, you know what?

Like the mortality portion of it is important.

But at the same time, it's like it's almost no matter what the age, I think everyone has gone through at least one point in their lives.

And to your point earlier, it could be quarter life crisis, could be whatever.

Someone has gone through at least one time where they felt like they needed to make like a larger shift.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: So it's like relatable, but they're like scared to like say it's a midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.

No, no doubt, no doubt.

I love it, absolutely love it.

And and I can't help but sit there.

And I think, wow, I wonder how many people are listening right now and think to themselves, oh wow, some maybe I'm in my midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know what?

Call it whatever you want.

Like it doesn't matter.

Call it like your, you know, I don't know.

It does it literally, the label does not matter.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: It's more the process and like identifying, okay, like I'm feeling bored or I'm feeling unfulfilled in something, or I feel like this yearning for a change.

Like if you feel any of those three things, then put whatever label makes you feel good about it.

But the process is the same.

Like you still then need to figure out what's causing that and to be able to figure out your next steps.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.

Absolutely.

So the the other part of your story that I really find pretty awesome is this kind of trying to look for the the right word, but negating the timeline of life that society tells us.

And I see it with you in two aspects.

So we've been talking about this midlife crisis and letting us realize that you know it can happen earlier in life than what the movies depict.

And so I love that, but then I also love your story and the fact that here you are, you're almost 40 years old, you're just got married, you're pregnant, which society tells us that's late.

Yeah.

You know, that that you should have already had that stuff done with, you should be settled down.

And so I have to say that I find that truly awesome.

Letting people realize that it's not like the movies always depict.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's I definitely have been hearing for a really long time that I need to like get on it.

SPEAKER_01: Yep.

SPEAKER_00: I guess, I guess physically and metaphorically.

But it's just, you know, at the end of the day, like I also think there are there are cons to it, especially not, I actually don't think there's any cons to getting married later.

I would do it the same way.

I mean, I would take away the pandemic portion of it, but the rest of it, like, I would do the same way if I did it all over again.

Because, like, you know, they always talk about wedding jitters and like all of that stuff.

It was the calmest day I've ever had in my life.

Like, there was absolutely no anxiety on my wedding day, like at all, other than maybe walking down the aisle because everyone was staring at me.

But other than that, it was, I have never been so sure about something in my entire life.

And it was because I've spent like 10 years with this person already.

Like we're grown adults.

Like, I don't have any naive way of thinking in terms of marriage and that, you know, it's not difficult and it's not gonna have its ups and downs because our relationship has had ups and downs.

We've been, we're we've been through a lot together prior to that moment.

So it's like, you know, there was this sense of calm for the wedding that I feel like I don't hear in the, you know, 20-something year old bride.

And also this sense of confidence in planning the day, where like I didn't care if people didn't like my choices for the wedding or for the day.

Like, I don't care.

It's not your day.

And if you don't like it, like you don't have to come.

Like it's it's you know, it's like that thing, like as the older you get, kind of like the less Fs you give.

Like, apply that to like wedding planning.

And like it actually was a pretty so much better of a process than having to worry about, oh, what if so-and-so does.

Like, my mom was way more worried about people wouldn't be happy that I picked Pinot Noir instead of Cabernet.

And I'm like, I don't really care.

Like, I like Pinot Noir.

So, like, who cares?

unknown: You know.

SPEAKER_00: So that part I would do it again.

But I will say getting pregnant and starting a family later, you know, there are the cons from a medical standpoint and just like the pure risks and the increased chances of.

Negative outcomes and the reality of that we'll only have one.

I mean, if we have a second one, I always say, like, if we have a second, it'll be an N a welcome accident.

But like, I don't realistically looking at the timeline to like have a second naturally, like uh and have he or she be healthy is is, you know, it would be more and more difficult in the next couple of years.

So there are like downsides to that, but at the on the plus side, even though I'm such a planner, I'm like not freaked out about becoming a first-time mom.

Like I'm not, you know, I've seen so many first-time moms between like my family and my friends, because I'm like the last one.

I've seen so many first-time moms, second-time moms, third-time moms, like in my very close circle.

And I feel like I've learned so much from seeing everyone else go through it first that at the end of the day, I just have this like my husband and I both are just like, yeah, it's gonna be crazy.

And there's gonna be stuff that we're gonna have to figure out.

But like we have the confidence in ourselves and in each other to be able to, we're like, we'll, we'll be fine.

Like, we'll figure it out.

Yeah.

But it was, I will say, doing both later, you're absolutely right.

Like the pressure is insane from not just even society, but then like how that comes through through like family, right?

Like, like my family was super, I mean, like I started getting the like, you should think about having kids like the second I turned 30.

And I was like, uh, well, I should probably get a boyfriend first.

Yeah.

I would prefer one before the other, but you know, exactly, exactly.

But it was like, and then when we were together, like there were multiple times because we were together eight years before he proposed.

And at the time we didn't know if we wanted kids.

So there was like nothing really like pushing it to go quicker.

And I mean, I remember when he asked me to move in with him, my brother was like, Wow, like I'm so happy for you.

He's like, But I like really thought he would never ask.

Like, I thought you were wasting your time.

I'm like, Oh, cool, thanks.

And it's just, you know, it's like stuff like that that like my family just because they all got married.

I mean, different generations.

My parents got married when they were 19.

My mom got married, she's 19 years old, and had me her second at 24, right?

That's completely different than me.

And then like my brother has had three, he's only four years older than me, but he has three kids, his youngest being eight years old.

So, you know, yeah, it took a very different path.

And they were, I have a pretty vocal family.

So they all were very vocal throughout the whole thing that I was, you know, prioritizing my career.

And of course, now that I'm not that I'm currently not working and I'm I'm trying to figure out what's next, of course.

Now it's like, well, you should just like maybe you should just be a stay-at-home mom.

Maybe you don't have to go to work.

I'm like, just calm down.

First of all, it's never gonna happen.

Secondly, like just taking a break.

It's okay.

But yeah, it's just, you know, when people take a different path than those that they're they're closest to.

I think people get threatened by that a little bit.

Like they're like it makes them question their own timeline.

Because that's really where all that's coming from.

It's like, well, you should do this because like I did it that way, and and so-and-so did it that way.

You know, it's like it's this comparison game.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's where we really get, it's like puts looking back, there were multiple times in our relationship where like I was like really thinking about ending it because that pressure was like getting to me.

And it was making me question, it was making me question myself.

And and then I thank God I didn't.

And now, you know, like it all worked out.

But that's the danger of it, I think.

When when society and when people close to you just keep throwing like the you're doing it wrong, or you're doing it in the wrong order, or like they just don't agree with your path, sometimes it could be really hard to really trust in the decisions that that you're making.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

Definitely, definitely.

And and all I can say is is I look at it and I just say, it's just the crazy beautifulness of life.

Where absolutely, you know, each one of us we're on our own ride.

And you know what one person's ride looks like, it doesn't have to, it doesn't need to, and thank goodness it doesn't look like everybody else's.

Or, you know, what would this world be?

And so, you know, I I look at that and I look at, you know, your story and and the way you're talking about it, and I do, and I just come back and I say, it's just that crazy beautifulness of life where we're all unique, we're all on our own path, and that's what makes this life so awesome.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I always say, I'm like, it's not about the end, the end point.

Because let's face it, we all we're all gonna show up in the same place.

Right?

Like we're all going to the same place.

So that's not what life is about.

It's not who can get there quicker or whatever.

Like, it's really about the journey throughout the way that that makes life so beautiful.

And if it we all did it the same way, like how boring would that be?

Like that would just that would be like such a boring world to live in.

And like, I don't even like hanging out with people that are exactly like me.

Cause I'm like, I have, I already have me.

Like I don't need another me, you know?

Like, like I would never marry someone that was exactly like me.

Cause like, how boring would that be?

So it's like I think that the differences really is what makes life interesting and life beautiful.

And I'm also a big proponent on like if it doesn't directly impact you, then like mind your business.

Like, like it's not for you to decide.

Like it's not for your input, right?

Like it's, you know, even like I share my story and and I do that not so that other people will do the same, but it's more just so that maybe there's like something I say that inspires them to think differently, or maybe there's something that I say that they're like, oh, I haven't tried that.

Like, I'm gonna try it, you know, it's like more take what they want or what they need from it and leave the rest, right?

And and do whatever it works for you.

But because I'm really open about what I'm going through, I will say it also opens up to like a lot of like unsolicited advice.

And which sometimes is helpful, but you know, you gotta be like in the mental mood for that.

SPEAKER_01: Yep.

SPEAKER_00: You know, where you're like, okay, like I okay, yes, that's helpful.

Like sometimes you appreciate it, and sometimes you're like, at least with a podcast, you can press pause or you can listen to it or you can not listen to it, but like unsolicited advice just comes with no pause buttons sometimes.

And and you know, the intention is always positive, right?

Like they want to help, but also sometimes you're like, all right, well, if I want your opinion, like I'll ask.

SPEAKER_01: Exactly.

Exactly.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah.

It's I mean, that just goes to a whole different subject of of of I look at it in in so many different aspects of life and and dealing with people.

And and you know, I consider myself a people person.

I love people, but some people are just rude.

And they just you know, and it's like, think, please just think for half a second before you say what you're saying, you know?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I actually talked a little bit about that during my my, I just released my second episode of season two, pregnant at 39.

And it was about it, actually it might be in that episode or it might be in one coming up because I I recorded them pretty close together.

But one of the things I've been most shocked about while being pregnant is the like audacity of others to give their opinion about like my body.

Right?

Like, yes, like I've had like checking out at the grocery store, some woman, the cashier was like, Oh, when are you due?

Because I was like, I'm at the point where it's now pretty obvious that I'm pregnant.

Like, there's no like maybe, maybe not.

Like it's obvious now.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_00: So she's like, Oh, where are you, when are you doing?

I'm like, October 17th.

She goes, You're big for October.

And I'm like, Thanks.

Like, what's in your mind was like, you know what this woman wants to hear?

SPEAKER_02: Like, I just was like, who are you?

SPEAKER_00: Who are you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My doorman, my doorman or door lady, I don't know what the right door woman, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: Door person.

SPEAKER_00: She was like, Oh, you're having a girl.

She's like, I can tell because you're expanding width-wise.

Oh no.

I'm like, uh it's like just some of those things where you're like, just unless you're gonna say you look great, yeah, you can say, Oh, you're showing more.

That's acceptable.

Yeah.

It's a fact, right?

Unless you're saying a fact, or you look great.

Um, which listen, all pregnant look people look great.

Because the fact that you're seeing them and they're outdoors and they are, they put together an effort while pregnant to exit their home, they look great and just tell them they look great.

But unless it's one of those things, like shut your mouth.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

Nobody, nobody wants to hear.

Jennifer.

SPEAKER_00: Any other comment?

Because it's like, would that be acceptable if I wasn't pregnant?

SPEAKER_01: Like, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: Would you be like, hey, you're expanding width-wise?

No, no, you would not say that.

At least I hope not, or unless you want to get like a punch in the face, right?

But it's like, it's like if it's not okay when someone's not pregnant, it doesn't become okay.

Like our body doesn't become like a just open season for comments just because we're pregnant.

This is not a public pregnancy.

This is like a personal journey for my husband and I.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.

Now, now, not that, not that this is something that could be is easily known by the doorman or whatever, but have you gotten any of these type of comments because of your age and being pregnant?

SPEAKER_00: Not so far.

I will say I feel like normally when I tell people that I'm 40, I'm still lucky enough where they're like, you don't look 40.

So I that makes me feel Oh, good.

SPEAKER_01: Good.

SPEAKER_00: Thank you.

I applaud you.

Thank you.

You're on the right track.

Until you're like going through the mall, the person like shoving the eye cream at you, and they're like, they're like, no, here, you need this for under your eyes.

I'm like, you know what?

I'm like, I can't use my retinol while I'm pregnant.

So it's not my fault.

But no, I think, I think if anything, when they find out you're you're older, the biggest question, which is fair, is like, did you do IVF or or something like that?

SPEAKER_01: Yes.

SPEAKER_00: That's usually like the first question, which is I have no problem because to your point earlier, I do think, you know, it is so much more common now for women to have what we call geriatric pregnancies, which like in itself should really be renamed.

But it's just like, it's like, could we not can we just call them young pregnancies and then like normal pregnancies?

Because like nowadays, even my doctor, um, granted, I live in Chicago, so here I feel like people tend to do career first just so you can continue to like live here, and then you have kids later.

But my doctor was like, almost everyone I see is 35 or older.

Like, I don't see anyone below that at this point.

So it is becoming much more common, but I do think that there is that stigma that's like still kind of there where it's kind of like I think the biggest comments, maybe that I've seen that have been related to that, and and this is probably more like family related, is like my dad asked me the other day, and I thought it was really interesting, especially considering the way he thinks on like what he meant by it.

But I didn't really want to dig into it because I didn't want to have the conversation.

But he he said, like, have you felt like it like being pregnant has changed you in any way so far?

And I knowing his thoughts on my timeline and the way I've lived my life so far, as well as his how different our views are about like social issues and things like that.

We're like on complete opposite side of the spark.

Like, we pretty much don't agree on anything.

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

SPEAKER_00: So it started making me think.

I was like, I wonder if he's questioning like if I'll still have like my career as my priority, or like if maybe I'll start being like less feminist, or like I'm not exactly sure where he was going with it, but just knowing kind of a lot of the comments I've gotten from him throughout my life, there was this part of me that I'm like, I wonder if he thinks I'm gonna start agreeing with him more on things.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: Now that I'm a parent, like now that I'll get to see his side, I will start to agree with him on stuff.

And I was like, I it kind of made me laugh a little bit because I'm like, no, that's still not gonna happen.

But yeah, I think there's maybe because you know, there is this stigma that, like, well, if you're having kids older, that means that you really prioritize something else earlier, which is usually career.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: And so then I think it's now the big conversation is does that continue?

Are you gonna change your priorities now that you're a mother?

I don't think anyone in my life would assume I'm gonna be a stay-at-home mom, which I completely have so much respect for, but like that is that is not my journey.

And that's kind of especially right now as I'm not working, I think like that's kind of the big question in people's minds is like, am I gonna just now kind of move away from my career?

Which I'm the answer is no.

I just need to figure out what's next.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, so so that I I have to ask, have you thought about what is next?

SPEAKER_00: I have started thinking about it.

I kind of had to get through the shock of being laid off first and like the just the change in the dynamics there because I, you know, there's such an identity like wrapped up in our careers, um, especially because I've prioritized that for so long, right?

So there really is like an identity.

So I still find myself, like if I have a day where I don't have that much to do, like I have this like sense of guilt that I don't have that much to do.

Like I'm like, yeah, I'll go to the pool for a couple hours, but like I probably should go, I like I should go do something.

And it's like, or just chill because starting in October, you'll have plenty to do.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: You know, like enjoy it now.

So first I was kind of like getting over that, and then like getting over like the fact that I don't have an income for like the first time in my life since I was 15 years old, which is like very weird and uncomfortable place to be.

But yeah, now I've started to kind of turn the corner and be like, okay, because for a while I was questioning if I even wanted to be in advertising anymore.

But I think, I think I still do.

I think I just think I'm starting to come to the realization that I took a one-month break between when I quit my job in 2021 and when I accepted the role I ended up getting laid off from.

And I was so burnt out at that last job.

Like I was like getting off conference calls, crying, like just being like, I can't do this anymore.

Like, I don't want to do this.

Like, I mean, I was just in bad shape.

And I think I'm starting to realize that that one month was not enough.

Like that one month did not kind of get my mind in the right place because even when I started my new job, I was so excited, but I still found myself having like a shorter fuse.

SPEAKER_01: Yep.

SPEAKER_00: I hid it pretty well, but I also was pregnant and like emotional.

SPEAKER_02: Yes.

SPEAKER_00: You know, that didn't help.

But but I definitely had like a shorter fuse, which is usually a telltale sign of burnout, right?

So so I'm starting to think now that like maybe advertising wasn't like advertising as a whole, which listen is like saying I work in business.

Like, I mean, it's just it's huge.

And there's so many opportunities within advertising.

And I am really passionate about it.

Like I'm the person that watches commercials, like and will rewind my DBR to like watch a commercial that looks interesting.

Like I'm that person because it is fascinating to me.

But I think I just needed more of a break to get a sense of clarity of like, what do I really, what do I actually really love about it?

And then how do I find a role that lets me do more of that and less of the things I don't love about it?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of where I'm at right now.

But I actually was thinking about actually hiring a career coach for the first time in my in my life to like help me figure out what role that like what does that role look like?

And in the weird off chance that, you know, all I know is advertising too.

So like also the chance that do those qualities exist in roles outside of advertising that I might be interested in that I just am not thinking about.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.

Well, I love it.

I love it.

And I I love your whole mindset towards this because I believe that somewhere in us when when we're when we're looking at career paths, I believe that there's somehow, some way that our past, the things that we've been dealing with, the things that we've done, the experiences we've had, I believe somehow that those all kind of lend their hand to what we're really supposed to be doing.

You know?

And and so I look at you and and I think to myself, wow, look at like this woman who has had this amazing career in advertising, but now look at her and the fact that she's so brave and she's so bold enough to make a change when it feels right, to do things out of sync with what we're we're taught, what we're led to believe.

And so I look at you and I think to myself, wow, there's no telling what she can do now.

SPEAKER_00: Well, I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01: Even if you don't feel that way about yourself, I do though.

I look at you and I listen to you, and I think that exact thing is I think I don't think this woman has any idea how brave, how bold, how strong she truly is.

And I believe somewhere in the midst of all this crazy messiness of life is the gift of what you probably should be doing.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, well, I I do really appreciate that because I, you know, I think everybody, especially I will say, elder millennials.

There's like all these studies and how elder millennials deal with this more.

But we all deal with imposter syndrome, you know, so in different different scenarios or different stages of our lives.

And I do feel like, you know, sometimes it's like what you tie success to, and then like the other things that you're doing, you may not be looking at in the same lens.

But to your point, like to an outside person, they're like, that's really great.

Like, like I was just like, we just had a bunch of my um, my husband's getting his MBA right now.

He's almost done.

And we have some of his NBA friends, and they're all, you know, amazing in their own rights.

Like one of them's the CEO of a company.

Like, Like they've all accomplished all these great things, right?

And now they're getting this MBA so that they could continue to like do great things.

And sometimes when I'm hanging out with them, I feel right now, I feel a little imposter syndrome because like I'm unemployed and I'm doing, yeah, I'm doing this podcast and stuff like that, which is great.

I'm like really passionate about it.

But because I'm unemployed, I have this like more of a hit on my self-confidence sometimes with them.

And so when they were, even though none of them look at me like that, right?

It's like this is all internal.

This is completely internal.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: But when they were over, we had when I wrote a book in 2020 and we had one of the books on like the coffee table.

And my husband like picked it up to show them a picture in it that he was referencing.

He's like, Oh, this is they're like, What's that?

And like, oh, this is the book uh Jennifer wrote.

And they were like, You wrote a book?

And I was like, Yeah.

And and like the guy who's the CEO guy was like, Oh, okay, like, no big, just wrote a book.

And I was like, You're right.

Like, these things are not, you know, just because I'm not getting the paycheck that I got in my career, right?

Doesn't mean they're not accomplishments.

Like, you know, and and you know, like doing a podcast is a lot of work, right?

It's a lot of work.

And like I what?

I did 51 episodes of season one.

No one paid me to do that.

Like, I had to figure out how to do that, figure out how to record, figure out what equipment you need, figure out how to do like you had to figure it all out on your own.

And now I'm starting the second one.

And yeah, in the midst of that, I wrote a book and I was working full time during and burnt out during all of that, and going through the pandemic during all of that, and I still did it.

And like, I think sometimes we just don't give ourselves the credit that we deserve because we're tying like our vision of success to something that like we were taught.

Yes, you know, and like I was always taught, like you get a job and you get a secure, you get a secure job, and like that's success, right?

That paycheck almost equals success.

So it's been like a necessary change of mindset for myself to like redefine what success looks like for me.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.

I absolutely love that, and because it is the absolute truth.

And and I believe it comes back to this fact of you know, what's important to me, not what's important based on what people think of me, but what do I really care about and what makes me when I go to bed at night, aside from everything else, all these outside influences, what's gonna make me go to bed and smile at what I did that day?

SPEAKER_00: Right.

SPEAKER_01: You know, and to me, that's success.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, because at the end of the day, like I don't think career can be what we base success on.

Because when you are like at the edge and you're on your deathbed, like what no one says is I wish I worked more.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: No one says that.

SPEAKER_02: Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: So it's like, and if you do, I would hate to see what the rest of your life looked like, to be honest.

Like it would be a sad, sad life if like that's all you had at the end.

But it's like, you know, so if that's the case, we can't wrap our identities and our measure of success purely, that could be a part of it, but we can't wrap it purely in our career.

If we know at the end, that's like lowest priority of what made us happy and what truly was important.

SPEAKER_01: Exactly.

Exactly.

And because, in my opinion, when I think of things and I think of what do I want to have had accomplished at the end of the day, and for myself, that is to have left some type of impact on the world.

And so I look at you and I look at what you've done so far along your journey, and I think to myself, look at Jennifer and look at the impact that she's left.

She's written a book that people who knows how many people all over the world have read.

She's released a podcast that's impacted lives of people who are going through the craziness of life, just like her, that's impacting lives.

And now you're doing the greatest possible thing of impacting life as possible in the fact that you're having a child.

And again, I just look at you and I think to myself, Jennifer's got it going on.

SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if she even realizes You know, in some days you do, and then other days it's nice to hear it.

So I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

Well, Jennifer, it's been an absolute just breath of fresh air to talk with you today.

And I am beyond grateful that you have taken the time, you know, to be on my podcast.

And I just really want to thank you.

And I would love for you to end by sharing with those listening where they can learn more, find out about you, dive into your information, your podcast, your book, all the things.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

Um, yeah, and thank you so much for having me.

I think, you know, it's it's always nice to talk to somebody I think that can relate, but also can help you see things differently.

So I appreciate it.

So really, I think the best way I'm on, you know, all the social media apps, except Pinterest, just not my thing.

But outside of that, I'm pretty much on on all of those.

But I think the best place to go was go to my website, myalmostmidlifecrisis.com.

And there you can find, you know, information about the book.

You can find the podcast, where to listen.

I also recently launched like an affiliate program for some like deals on Amazon.

So, you know, everything that you want to find out, you could subscribe so you can get the transcripts directly to your inbox.

But all of it is kind of at myalmostmidlifecrisis.com.

And then the podcast outside of that is pretty much anywhere you get your podcast.

I will say that there is an imitator that just launched that has almost the same name as mine.

SPEAKER_01: What is it?

SPEAKER_00: Which I just saw that.

I was like, ooh, I guess imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

But so mine is my almost midlife crisis.

So Okay.

SPEAKER_01: We'll stick with that.

My almost midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_00: Yes.

SPEAKER_01: I love it.

Jennifer, I love your story.

I love you.

I love your your spirit about you.

And uh I truly believe that sharing your story, it just opens up a topic that as somebody who's in my mid-30s and my life has definitely not taken the road that that we were led to believe life should go.

It's really awesome to talk to you.

And I just can can only imagine that those listening who find themselves in the messiness of life like us can really just take something that was said today and realize, you know what, I'm not the only one.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, not the only one.

And you know what?

Give yourself a break.

SPEAKER_01: Awesome, awesome.

SPEAKER_00: Like it's fine.

SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.

Well, for you listening today, I want to thank you for being a part of this podcast, for joining me today for another just awesome conversation with an incredible woman.

And, you know, just remember this if life's not where you thought it was supposed to be at this point in your life, realize this.

It's actually exactly where it's supposed to be.

Because remember, it's your life, it's your ride.

And that's the lowdown with Kevin Lowe.

I hope today's episode inspired you, motivated you, and excited you to get out and enjoy life, no matter what obstacles may be standing in the way.