Show Transcript

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Inside of today's episode, we're talking about the thing that a lot of us probably

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don't like to talk about.

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And that is those tough anniversaries.

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That one day on the calendar that comes around each and every year and it brings

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back nothing but a flood of emotions.

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Today, my friend, we're going to talk about it. And more importantly,

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we're going to discuss some strategies to help make this day maybe just a little bit easier.

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And honestly, that's what today is all about.

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So if you are somebody with a tough anniversary in your life,

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well, then consider today's episode made specifically for you.

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Welcome to episode 338.

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Yo, are you ready to flip the script on life? Because those bad days,

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they're just doors to better days.

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And that's exactly what we do here at Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.

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Your host, Kevin Lowe, he's been flipping the script on his own life,

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turning over 20 years of being completely blind into straight up inspiration,

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motivation and encouragement just for you.

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So kick back, relax and let me introduce you to your host, Kevin Lowe.

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The reason I chose to talk about today's topic right now is,

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well, because I'm recording today's podcast just a few days after my own tough anniversary.

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That was October 28th and October 28th, 2003.

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If you know my story, well, you know that that day is when my life was changed

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forever because, well, I had my life saved by the removal of a brain tumor.

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But it also came with the tragedy of me losing my eyesight because,

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well, I woke from that same surgery to be left completely blind.

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So when this date comes around each and every year, it weighs heavy on you.

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It's almost like this blanket just falls on top of you.

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And it's a blanket full of emotions. You just can't help but think back to all

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the memories, the good times and the bad.

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And to be honest, you can't help but think about what would have life been if

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that day had not happened.

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I'm sure you have days like this yourself.

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Maybe it's the day that you lost someone you loved. Maybe it's the day of a divorce.

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Maybe it's the day of a tragic accident when your life was changed.

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And if you're like me, these dates, they almost have a way of kind of sneaking up on you.

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I mean, you see it coming. It's like it's bright red there on the calendar.

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And yet you continue through life. And then all of a sudden,

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if you're like me, you all of a sudden notice that you feel a little bit sad.

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Maybe you're a little bit more anxious. And well, sure enough,

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it's the time of year again.

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I know it's the case for me and for some of my family members.

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When this day comes around each and every year, it's like I said,

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it's like that fog rolls in, that blanket covers us, smothers us,

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full of nothing but emotions.

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And as I said, what's interesting about my anniversary in particular is it's a conflict.

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It's a celebration of my life being saved, but it's also mourning the loss of my eyesight.

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And if you have something similar, I want you to realize that it's okay.

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It's okay to celebrate and mourn all at the same time. I've been doing it for 21 years.

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And I can tell you that with time, it does get easier. But that does not mean

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that the sadness completely goes away.

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When I was preparing for today's episode, I was doing just a little bit of Google

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research and was trying to figure out why is it that these dates hit us so hard?

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Why is it that October 28th?

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Is so impactful. Because, I mean, let's face it, it's been 21 years.

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I'm more than used to this new world, being completely blind.

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Having the medical issues that I do. I've been dealing with it long enough.

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Matter of fact, it's been like this longer than it had been before becoming

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blind. I was only 17, and now it's been 21 years in this new life.

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And yet, somehow, someway, my emotions sure do know when it's October 28th.

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And so when I was researching, I found a simple explanation.

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It's that our brains are wired to recognize patterns, and that includes dates.

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And so when something significant happens, it's like our brain puts a bookmark on that date.

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It associates that tragic event with that date on the calendar.

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Me, it was going into brain surgery on October 28th.

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And so therefore, no matter how many years go by, every time October 28th comes

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back, Like my brain, my mind, my memory, it reminds me, oh, hey,

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we can put a bookmark on this date because something big happened.

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Now, as I said, time honestly does help to heal.

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It's not the thing that's going to heal it completely, but it does make it easier.

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21 years later, and I was able to get through this anniversary pretty good.

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It was two days, the day before and the day of, that just had this overwhelming, looming sadness.

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But I only broke down twice, once

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each day, when I was finally able to let myself just let my emotions go.

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And I was able to let myself cry, something that I do not enjoy doing.

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And so when I start crying, trust me when I say I want to stop crying as fast as possible.

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Because I am definitely somebody who would rather be laughing and smiling,

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joking around than I would wanting to be sad and crying. It is the worst to me.

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But with that said, I think it's important for us all to understand that we

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need to allow ourselves to feel the feels,

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to embrace it, to understand it, to recognize the fact that this day is here,

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but this day is not going to last forever.

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Tomorrow will be a better day. And I can tell you, when I woke up on the morning

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of October 29th, it was literally like the fog had lifted.

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A blanket had been taken off of me.

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And I felt back normal. I felt like Kevin again.

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I want to share five different strategies to give you a hand in preparing for one of these dates.

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These are five strategies that I use in my life that honestly I use each and every year.

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The first one, well, it's kind of what I was just saying, is to acknowledge the date.

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Don't try to forget about it or push it away. Your mind's going to remind you.

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Trust me. And with that, like I said, let yourself feel the feels.

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Give yourself a break. Let yourself understand that it's going to be rough that day.

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Heck, probably that entire week is going to be rough. And it's okay because it's not forever.

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Remind yourself of that, is that you're not stuck here forever.

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It's going to be over soon enough. I promise you, you'll get through it.

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I promise. My second tip for you is to plan ahead.

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If you recognize the fact that this date is coming up on the calendar,

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I want you to go ahead and get prepared for it.

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Go ahead and make a plan for something that you know brings you joy.

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Now, if you're like me, sometimes I think that this is going to be a really great celebration.

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Again, if it wasn't for the surgery, if it wasn't for October 28,

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2003, I wouldn't be here today.

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And so I always think it's going to be some grand occasion.

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And then, of course, the day arrives and I don't want to do anything.

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I just want to be at home. I just want to be with my family.

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And so I want you to plan for it, but take your emotions into account.

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Maybe set up a time that you know you're going to have your best friend come over.

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Maybe you plan on renting a movie that you've been wanting to see.

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You watch a movie that day. Or heck, maybe you do nothing but watch movies all

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day, curled up on the sofa, and just letting this day be as it is.

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Now, my third tip is you can take it or leave it, but it's to kind of create

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a ritual around this anniversary.

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For myself, well, it revolves around the restaurant Outback Steakhouse.

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If you heard my story, well, the night before my surgery, while in the hospital,

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I got takeout from Outback Steakhouse.

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My sister and aunt went and picked it up for everybody. And there I was in my

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hospital room In my little hospital bed Eating my Outback steak And cool enough

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Is that we have made it a tradition That every anniversary We go to Outback Now,

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kind of tying in What I said before,

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is that this year I had planned to go to Outback, me and my family.

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And then, though, of course, the day came and I didn't really feel like going anywhere.

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And so, you know what we did? We didn't skip Outback. No, we just ordered takeout.

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And as we were sitting at home eating our takeout from Outback,

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I couldn't help but think, well, you know what?

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This is actually more authentic. This is more like the real day because October

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28, 2003, I didn't go to Outback. No, we got takeout.

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And so I say that to say is to make a ritual, but realize that you can adapt

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it to how you're feeling that day on this year.

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One of the most important tips is tip number four, and that is to please don't be alone.

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Reach out to your support network, to your closest friends, to your family.

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Let them know that this day is coming up and let them know that you don't want to be alone.

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I made sure this anniversary, I made plans with my cousin, Chrissy,

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who happened to be in town. It worked out perfect.

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And so I got to spend the afternoon with my cousin and my sister.

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It was great. Honestly, for about four hours, I never even thought about being sad.

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I never even thought about the anniversary.

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Instead, I was just focused on being with my sister and my cousin.

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And honestly, it made everything so much better.

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And so I would encourage you to be sure that you don't do these days alone.

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Please find somebody, a family member, a friend, somebody who you can lean on,

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who you can count on to maybe make you smile or to be there to just hug you

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when you're feeling down.

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Now, tip number five, again, take it or leave it, but for me,

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it's important. It's to see if you can't find meaning in this anniversary.

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Now, obviously, it depends on what this anniversary is.

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But for myself, me becoming blind, well, I have found meaning in it.

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I have found purpose in it. It's why I produce this twice-a-week podcast every

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Tuesday and Thursday morning, releasing a new episode.

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It's part of my purpose. It's part of me using what I've gone through to hopefully

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be an inspiration to others, to you.

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And so October 28th, it has meaning.

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It's the end of a life as I knew it, but it's the beginning of a new life.

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A life that, yeah, it's different.

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Sometimes I wish it wasn't so, but it is, and it's okay.

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Because I focused on making it the best that I can. And so I encourage you,

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if possible, to find meaning in this anniversary.

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Maybe that means that on the anniversary, you be sure that you do something for others.

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You be sure that you go to the drive-thru and you pay for the car behind you.

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You be sure to be at a restaurant and you see the table next to you.

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Go ahead and pick up their bill.

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Or maybe it's nothing financially. Maybe it's you just doing something kind

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for somebody else, grabbing the garbage can for your neighbor,

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pulling it up to their door.

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Maybe it's you holding the door open a little bit longer than you normally would

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for the crowd behind you.

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Find meaning, find purpose. Because if we're able to flip the script on this

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bad day by turning it into a day of giving, well, I think, honestly,

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that's what it should be.

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We should find ways to make the bad turn to good. I leave you with one final

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message in regards to this, something important that I've learned.

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I want you to understand that these anniversaries, they change year to year.

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Yes, as time goes by, they typically

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become easier. But understand that sometimes that's not the case.

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Sometimes year 10 may be more difficult than year 9.

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It's just the fact of life. We change as we go along, just like the years do.

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And so give yourself a break. Give yourself some grace.

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Go ahead and plan for these difficult anniversaries and hopefully try to make

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them a little bit easier to get through.

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And remember, it's just one day. It's one week.

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You'll soon be past it and you can get back to living life like you love.

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My friend, my name is Kevin Lowe.

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If I can ever be a help to you, maybe it's just somebody to talk to inside of

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the show notes or on my website, gritgraceinspiration.com.

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You can find my contact information, book a virtual coffee date with me.

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A link is in the show notes. I'm here for you. I would love to be able to help you out however I can.

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And with that, I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. I know I've enjoyed getting

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to share what I've learned with you.

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Music.